The Calm After The Storm
by Soupandassdoctor
Summary: **Old fic/repost:Domestic Vauseman starts post-litch. Includes flashbacks and their lives decades into the future... trying to post 5 chapters a day
1. Chapter 1

Re-post of my doc from a few years ago. I plan to post 5 chaps a day. This was written after Season 1 aired and I believe I was done by season 3. I tried to keep it in context with the series up until that point. I'd love to edit but it's extremely long and I don't have the time.

I plan on leaving this up for a few weeks. Enjoy.

EDIT: the format got messed up when I posted; fixed now

* * *

Chapter 1

The click of the first lock on the door radiates down the long hall of the apartment. Piper's ears perk up at the noise, with every intention of going to meet her wife at the door like she did routinely everyday, but her brain told her to stay put. The second lock repeats a similar click, the keys jingling in the lock.

"Helloooo?," Alex calls out a bit confused to see the lights on in the living room down the hall, with background noise from the television set, but no Piper.

It became routine to greet each other at the door; it never felt pathetic or forced, it was genuine happiness to see each other, after being apart the entire day. Each woman would question if that feeling would ever fade, the longing to always be near. Perhaps it was the time spent separated years ago when Alex would travel before Piper joined her side, or the eight years spent apart prior to being reunited, or the time spent after each of them had been released from Litchfield, that heightened the yearn. Regardless of the source, it was lost time that they would never get back, and lost time that neither woman wanted to add to.

"I'm in here," Piper called out from the living room.

The tall brunette glided down the pumpkin colored hallway adorned with dozens of photos from their past travels. Her footsteps became louder as her footing transitioned off of the runner from the hall into the entryway.

"Are you ok?," she called out, as she slipped the strap of her cross body backpack over her head and placed it in the basket under the mail table.

"Yep, just trying to work my magic."

She began to walk towards the living room but stopped herself mid-step.

"Shoes!," the blonde called out from the living room.

She retreats back towards the table and leans her back against the wall. She lifts her leg to unzip her boot, followed by the other and places the boots beside their coat-rack. She unbuttons her jacket and unloops her scarf from around her neck, she hangs them both on the rack. She walks hurriedly towards the voice, her socked feet however, provide no traction causing her to almost slip on the polished hardwood floor, but she regains her balance; she didn't remember it being so slippery.

She turns the corner of the living room and eyes their empty couch. Her eyes dart quickly when she finds Piper on the floor on her elbows and knees, a pillow under her cheek, her ass in the air.

"Hey," she mumbles from the ground.

Alex inhales slowly and brings a hand to her mouth, "are you fucking kidding me?"

* * *

"You're sure about this? I mean by all means I don't necessarily have better odds and I'd be considered increased risk too."

"I'm positive babe, it's definitely not that. I don't... I just don't have that desire to go through it the way you do, okay?," Alex replied, the grocery basket hanging off her left arm.

Piper turned both boxes of ovulation kits over and read the backs comparing efficacy levels. Alex's eyes flashed around the aisle,

"Jesus, I'm in the wrong business. How many fucking types of ovulation kits, pregnancy tests, panty-liners and shit does one country need, huh?"

Piper shushed her while she continued to read the backs and placed a box of ovulation kits in the basket next to two different types of pregnancy tests, a hundred count bottle of folic acid, and lubricant among other items.

The brunette observes Piper in her element, and chuckles to herself.

They'd had this conversation many times. The thought of her own baby was something she just simply hadn't considered for herself. She was a teenager when she knew she was attracted to females, and the thought of having to ever use someone else's 'seed' completely grossed her out. She'd seen the look in Piper's eyes at Litchfield whenever she showed off the newest picture of Finn that Polly brought or mailed to her, and her eyes years later when Polly walked in the door with him clinging to her side, just how much she loved that little boy and how much he loved her back. She was never too busy or tired to play with him or listen about his day at school. Unwittingly over time her own heart had become fond of the kid; perhaps it was the enthusiasm he possessed as he lunged forward and knocked her down when he hugged her hello or the way he nuzzled into her side as he showed her his sticker collection.

"He loves you because you coddle him and you always go out of your way to answer his questions," Piper told her wife one day after they'd watched Finn together.

"I don't. He just fits well in my lap like this because my legs are so damn long. And I don't want to answer his questions with crap information so I look it up."

"You love the way he fits in your lap and how he thinks you know everything. Why are you trying to argue with me?"

Alex avoided eye contact. "He's alright. He's always sticky though and he makes a mess."

Alex couldn't shake what Piper had said though, she did love the way he fit in her lap, and cuddled up beside her when she looked things up, and the way he looked at her while he eagerly waited for her to answer his questions about different types of rocks in the latest book she was reading to him. Piper mentioned having a family of their own one day, so it wasn't a foreign concept, she had just never felt the urge or need to expand their family, the way she had been lately. They lay in bed later that same evening after cleaning up pieces of Goldfish out of the carpet. The room was dark other than the swinging lamp mounted on the wall that illuminated the pages of Piper's book. Alex's head lay on Piper's abdomen, her eyes tracking her wiggling toes as she read. She lay there for a while, when she murmured, "syrup and cheese."

"Heh?," Piper questioned.

Alex laughed while tracing a finger on Pipers lower abdomen just above her shorts, "Finn. He always smells like syrup and cheese."

Piper drew her knees up and Alex turned over and looked at her. "I think I'm ready, well as ready as I can be. I want our own baby."

Piper couldn't contain her smile, she squinted her eyes, "but I thought his sticky hands and mess drove you crazy?"

The corner of Alex's mouth dipped down to the side but her face was bright, "it does but kind of in the same way yours did when you first started moving all your stuff into my place. Of course it didn't go unnoticed but I kind of loved finding your junk everywhere because it just made me think of you."

"When did you become such a mush?"

Alex shoved her shoulder, "I'm not," she sighed, "can't I just miss the kid when he goes home at end of the day?," she asked in defense not yet used to being regarded as a sweetheart. "And yeah, his limitless energy is exhausting, and sometimes when he knocks me over and my back feels like it's going to give out I'm reminded of how old I am, but the pros so outweigh those little things."

"I knowwwww," Piper whispered with her eyes closed.

Piper bent her neck downward, and Alex lifted off the bed just enough to kiss her wife. Piper brought both of her hands up to her face, "I'm gonna throw up, I'm so excited. You're sure?"

Alex nodded quickly while releasing a small snicker, "yeah... yeah, I'm sure."

Piper roughly removed herself from underneath Alex and skipped towards her laptop, moments later returning with it to their bed.

"What are you doing?"

"I want to look at sperm donors and email my ob/gyn office a request for an appointment."

"Right now? Cant we start all this in the morning?"

"No way, I'll never be able to sleep now," she bit at the nail on her pointer finger.

Alex threw her head back onto the pillow beside Piper and laughed knowing that was the God's honest truth.

"You're still sure that you don't want to carry our baby?," Piper asked.

"Yeah definitely, it would be too foreign for me, I'll be more of a wait outside and pass out cigars kind of mom you know?"

Piper looked at her sternly, "you know people don't do that anymore right? You need to be with me and you can't smoke anything in a hospital."

Alex took a deep breath and exhaled loudly, "is this a preview for what I'm signing up for?" Piper relaxed her face slightly.

"All I'm saying is you've wanted this experience your whole life and I'll be there to take care of you. Ok? I'm sure I want this...for us. "

* * *

A few days later, Piper was reassured after her pre-conception counseling visit, that her body was healthy and had no reason to do anything else to increase her chances of fertility. She tracked her periods, had a healthy diet and eliminated toxic habits from her lifestyle. They decided they wouldn't tell anyone about their decision to build their family until they knew their baby was healthy.

She confirmed with her ovulation stick that morning that today was a fertile day and she waited for Alex on the busy Manhattan sidewalk during their lunch break to pick up the canister that held their donor sperm.

"This thing is huge, what the hell kind of sperm is this?" The container looked like a vintage milk container, and was bulky and awkward.

"Something about the liquid nitrogen needing a certain amount of space to keep it chilled. It is really big though," Piper replied giggling with her arm hooked into Alex's.

"I can't take this to work with me, the guys will never let me hear the end of it. I'm gonna just take the rest of the day, see you tonight?" Piper pecked her cheek and said yes with a look of adoration in her eyes and parted, descending down the subway steps.

Piper came home to the smell of marinara sauce. She floated into the kitchen while Alex managed several pots on the stove and handed her a glass of red wine and a small kiss. "Maybe I shouldn't," she handed the glass back to Alex.

"Pipes it's fine, one glass of wine isn't going to do anything... or maybe it will, lightweight."

Piper pursed her lips and swirled the contents in her glass; she took a sip of her wine and retreated into their living room. Alex brought their plates in and set them on the coffee table while Piper held her glass and looked around the room, "you know we really should get a dining room table. That's something I want our baby to grow up with, tableside family dinners."

Alex looked around and nodded.

Piper chewed on her rigatoni, "aren't you going to eat?"

Alex looked up, dazed, two glasses of wine gone from while she cooked and her brain was now swirling with the directions for their insemination that she had read through so many times. She ate some pasta with Piper's encouragement and brought her blonde to their bedroom.

Piper undressed while Alex lit a few candles around their room. She bent down near the side of the bed and opened the canister, a mist escaped and she couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm sorry, I was trying to make this as normal as possible but this just isn't romantic."

Piper crawled over to the edge wearing only a shirt and bra, and looked over the edge and saw the white vapor that Alex released from the container. Alex slid the straws containing the sperm on their bed and then got up and got a plastic bag, a towel, the syringe, a scissor, and lubricant. Piper laid on her back while Alex sat uncomfortably upright looking at the sperm straws on their bed as if they were as out of place as a drag queen cat-walking down an Oklahoma country road.

"I can't tell if you're nauseated or terrified, stop staring at the sperm."

"How are you so relaxed?"

"I've been ready for this for a long time Al."

"Yeah but is this how you imagined it?"

A close lipped, wide smile, slowly crossed Piper's mouth; she tilted her head to the side and grabbed Alex's tense hand.

"Yeah it is...well, not always but when I knew I wanted to spend my life with you, yes. I knew I'd always want kids but I never knew if you'd really want them too, and I'd hoped to be able to have my own baby, biologically, so when I'd said yes to marrying you, I knew this is how it would be... if you decided you wanted one too."

"I thought it would be put in in an office somewhere, I didn't think we could do this at home."

"I'm relaxed because it's you, in our bed, in our home. It's romantic enough," she reassured the brunette. She contemplated if this was the first time she had to give the brunette words of encouragement in the bedroom. She smiled inwardly and gently pressed on, "do you think they're thawed?." she asked rocked her head towards their liquid gold.

Alex's hand relaxed in Piper's and traced her finger over the straws looking at them differently now, "yeah, they're not cold anymore."

"Okay, great. You feel like you know what you're doing?"

Alex confidently nodded her head. She cut the straws, and drew up the contents in the syringe. She squeezed some of the lubricant onto her fingers.

"I don't need it," Piper stated, "I'm always ready, believe me."

"I...I don't want to hurt you," Alex replied, she'd never been so nervous to touch this woman in her life.

"You're not going to hurt me, just relax," she grabbed a pillow and shoved it under her hips. "The lubricant can supposedly help, but I'm good, really, just do it."

Alex wiped her hand on the towel. She nudged Piper's knee open and kissed her center softly once and sat back up. She touched her wife gently and inserted the sperm. She brought her body up over Piper's and kissed her neck over and over until Piper couldn't resist the urge to touch herself. Alex replaced her hand and rubbed her in circles until she felt her wife arch her back and let out a primal moan. Her breathing slowed and Piper kissed Alex's full, soft lips. Alex kneed across the sheets and scooped everything off of the bed, "sorry this needs to not be here anymore, it's driving me crazy."

Piper laid with her hips propped up while Alex cleaned up. She heard the faucet turn on from the main bathroom as she imagined Alex scrubbing her hands and chuckled. She returned to the room shortly after and laid down next to Piper; she cracked Piper's book open and read aloud after Piper said her angle was too awkward to read it on her own. Distracting herself with the written words, Alex read for over an hour, not knowing when Piper fell asleep. She turned off their light, but her eyes remained open at the thoughts of everything that had gone on that day. She got up and went into their bathroom, peed, brushed her teeth and bent down to get the mouthwash from underneath the sink, stopping to eye all the fertility products in the basket under the sink. Never in her life had she bought any of these things that most women do at some point in their lives, it looked so alien in her own home. She read the back of the different pregnancy test boxes, one advertised detecting pregnancy five days before a missed period. She shut off the light after replacing the box into the basket, and walked out of their bedroom, pulling the door closed behind her. She walked into their home office, pulled the push pin off the cork board and sat on the floor with the calendar in her lap. She glanced over the pages and she was about to count out days so she could figure out how early Piper could take her pregnancy test when she noticed all the different colored dots on the pages: period dots, ovulation dots, pregnancy test dots; she shook her head, humbled, "beat me to it." It was no secret that they were both obsessive compulsive in their own respects and Alex silently laughed, she should've known the blonde would've added the ovulation and pregnancy dots to their calendar.

Two weeks had gone by, Alex had been busy at work with plans for a building requiring updated construction. Laundry had piled up and there was no food in the house. They planned on going to the market together later that evening. Music played throughout the car as they were driving to the market, Piper squeezed Alex's knee, "I'm not pregnant."

Alex's eyes slowly left the road and glanced toward Piper. She had completely forgotten amount timing the test. Alex started thinking about having to go through all of the steps again, when she redirected her attention back to Piper, the blonde's eyes were in her lap.

"Hey it was just the first time," she grasped the blonde's hand and kissed it, "it might take some time."

"I know that, I just got caught in the moment I guess, hoping it would stick the first time," she breathed deeply, "I feel sad." It was so simply stated, but Alex's heart broke at her words, she wished she could just make it happen. She pulled the car over to the side of the road, she could see the tears slowly dripping down Piper's cheeks and onto her jeans as she cried silently. Alex eyes welled up as she undid her seat belt and turned all the way to Piper. She held both of her hands in her own and kissed her.

"I feel sad too," she stated and Piper looked up at her, "it's going to happen though, just give it more time." She cupped Pipers face with her hands and wiped her tears with her thumbs. "This is supposed to be a happy time in our lives, don't stress and feel let down, it's going to happen when it's supposed to, like everything else. You're meant to be a mother."

Piper leaned over and put her head on Alex's shoulder. She knew her wife was right but it still hurt and she cursed herself at her innocence and magical thinking, believing that this would happen on the first try.

Six months later, Piper woke up alone in the bed, the water from the shower audible through the bathroom door in their bedroom. She got up and quietly walked into the bathroom. Alex was singing Beyonce's "End of Time" while stomping out the beat in the shower. The steam from the hot water coated the bathroom mirror, Piper crouched down and quietly tore through the foil of her pregnancy test and tried to quietly pee over the stick. As much as she tried to be positive and strong, months after months of negative tests was disheartening and broke her spirit each and every time. Regardless, each time she silently prayed while she peed, bargaining with the omnipotent beings above. She shut the lid of the toilet, but didn't flush. She placed the test on the edge of the sink beside Alex's blaring phone and sat on the toilet lid, she leaned back against the wall and counted to Mississippi one hundred and eighty times. She tiptoed over to the test and almost screamed when she saw the faintest pink line. Her vision blurred with wetness, her shoulders shook as she cried.

"All up in the kitchen in my heels, dinner time," Alex sang along with Beyonce to a new song, Piper covered her mouth holding back delirious laughter. Getting clean always made Piper happy, but after being deprived of a proper cleansing routine for all those years-long hot showers, complete with an intact, clean curtain and full on shampoo microphone sing a longs- were a guilty pleasure that neither of them took for granted anymore.

She looked up blinking quickly over and over, she opened her mouth and tried to exhale quietly, controlling her breathing. Over the last 6 months she thought of so many cute ways she'd want to tell Alex, but now she couldn't think clearly, she needed to tell her now. She placed the test behind the faucet, wrote "look down" with an arrow on the mirror and stepped out of the bathroom. The cool air on the other side of the door was welcomed as she put her hands on her knees and leaned over. She couldn't believe it. She ran into the office and moved her finger over the calendar, her eyes furiously looking over the dates that blurred through her still wet eyes. She stopped on the date of her last period and smiled. She went back to the bedroom and paced around the room until she heard the water stop, she froze. The sixty seconds that it took Alex to step out the shower and dry off seemed like hours, "what the hell is she doing in there?!," Piper thought to herself.

"Me and my boo, in my boo coupe ridin," she heard her singing suddenly halt, "OH MY GOD!" she heard her yell from behind the door.

The doorknob moved around, she heard Alex curse unable to open it with wet hands and then she appeared in the doorway holding the pregnancy test and her towel falling down, barely being held up with the other hand. She held herself together for about a tenth of a second after seeing all of Piper's teeth including her molars through the most beautiful smile as she continued to cry and flung herself into her arms.


	2. Chapter 2

2

Alex sat naked on their bed, her towel laying across her legs, still holding the pregnancy test in her hand. Piper grabbed her phone and took a picture of it before looking up a due date calculator. She peed on two other tests throughout the day, not being able to recreate the feeling she had the first time she saw the line, even if these lines were darker. She made them an appointment to confirm results even though the nurse on the phone reassured her the home tests were reliable. She had blood drawn, was given a prescription for prenatal vitamins and vitamin b6 if she needed it for nausea. Another appointment was made for a few weeks for a sonogram, full labs and other consultations.

The next 3 weeks were amusing. Alex researched everything about morning sickness cursing under her breath how misleading it was when Piper mostly got nauseous at night. She'd left her laying on their couch with some saltines and ginger ale while she went into China town looking for fresh ginger to make her famous tea. She'd read online that it was safe and was determined to get Piper feeling better. She held the pink grocery bag of ginger, along with an assortment of bland foods, while she waited in line at the pharmacy for Pipers vitamin b6 prescription to be

filled. She came home and went straight to the couch and knelt down beside Piper, stroked her head and unloaded the groceries on the table.

"Oh my God Alex what is all of this?" She pulled a folded paper from her back pocket that she'd printed out of suggestions to alleviate morning sickness and read each bullet. "Babe, it's not even that bad. It's just at night, and I really don't mind it." Alex looked at her like she was insane and walked into the kitchen to start making her tea. She returned a few minutes later and brought the mug down to Piper with both hands as Piper sat up.

She opened the bottle of vitamin b6 and handed one over to her. "It says you can take it twice a day, I hope it helps."

Piper placed a hand on Alex's forehead and then dragged it down over her mouth, squeezed it, and whispered "thank you."

Alex sat on the couch next to her and laid back, relaxing for the first time that day. She started to nod off, and Piper stood up and pushed her back down gently so that she was lying on the couch, she made sure her neck was supported on the arm.

"Where're you going?" she asked raspily.

"I have to pee for the seventeenth time today, I'll be right back." She returned shortly, and sat between Alex's legs, her back facing Alex's front and lied down flat, her head resting onto her wife's ribs. She brought Alex's arms around her and laid her hands down flat over her lower abdomen. Alex sleepily started tracing her fingers over her skin, Piper smirked and drifted off.

They waited anxiously in the waiting room, "Piper?" the medical assistant called out and they both stood up and walked forward. "We just ask that you wait out here for a few minutes, and then we'll call you in," the receptionist stated to Alex.

Alex narrowed her eyebrows, but swallowed hard. Piper raised her eyebrows also a bit confused, but told her she'd be right back. She watched as Piper followed the assistant toward the back of the office. She ground her teeth and sat back down in the waiting room. Her phone buzzed five minutes later in the pocket of her navy blue blazer. She pulled it out,

Piper: Come to the back, I'm in room five.

Alex stood up, walked past the receptionist glaring at her while she opened the door and followed the hall with alternating doors to each side until she got to room 5. She knocked on the door and walked in. Piper was sitting in a chair, still fully dressed with another woman clacking on the computer. The woman stood up and extended her hand to Alex, "Hi, I'm Karen, one of the midwives, it's nice to meet you."

"Alex," she shook the woman's hand and sat down next to Piper.

"Sorry about keeping you out there, there are some questions that we want to ask privately to ensure we have accurate histories, but Piper insisted that you already know everything and that you were here."

She started with an overview of care. "So we get to know you pretty well throughout this experience, once monthly for the first seven months, then once every two weeks, and then for your final month every week." Alex's eyes widened at the thought of how many appointments they had coming up and all the days she'd need to take off from work.

"I have most of your history here from your preconception counseling visit, but just let me confirm that nothing has changed, alright?"

She went through her history, allergies, medications, past medical problems, surgeries, family history, social history, then her gynecological and obstetric history. Alex nodded along, she did know her whole history, she was pretty healthy, just an allergy to penicillin, she remembered having to find Piper antibiotics for an infection over a decade ago while they traveled and Piper told her she would break out into a rash with hives if she had penicillin.

The midwife asked about early pregnancy symptoms, reassured her that they were all normal signs.

"The nausea is definitely better when I take the vitamin b6 and drink ginger tea," she stated. Alex chimed in, "I read online the tea was okay for her, that's true isn't it?"

The midwife smiled and nodded. "Yes definitely, and I can print out a list of other methods to relieve any continued nausea. I'm glad you're reading but don't go crazy with the internet alright? There's a lot of incorrect information out there. If you have questions keep a list and we can go over things at your appointments, if there is something more urgent, here is our hotline number, you can call it 24/7 and someone is always there to answer anything no matter how big or small."

Alex went to receive the card, when Piper blocked her hand and took the card. "I'll take this. She's literally already bought out the whole grocery store with tasteless foods so that I don't promote the nausea." The midwife sucked in her lips and tried not to laugh.

Karen handed her a gown and asked her to undress and she stepped out. Piper changed out of her clothes and put on the gown. She climbed onto the table and let her legs dangle off the side,

"Crap, I meant to ask her if we would have a sonogram today. I need to get some sort of book to keep track of my questions."

A knock and Karen returned wheeling in a portable sonogram machine. She plugged it in and washed her hands.

"So I'm going to do your exam and then I'll call one of our doctors to do a sonogram. Based on your last period, you should be about seven weeks or so, so a vaginal sonogram would be more accurate. It's not an official sonogram but I'll send you for one of those as well, do you want to have tests done to check for any abnormalities?"

Piper bit her lip and instinctually brought her hand to her lower abdomen. Alex noticing the worry on her face, stood up by her side and squeezed her hand.

"What kinds of tests are they? What do you think we should do?"Alex asked for the both of them.

"Well you're a healthy female, but because you're over 35 you're considered to have an increased risk of fetal abnormalities but between the sonogram and some blood work that we can do in a few weeks that is enough to make a good estimate for you personally. It's a screening test though. If you want a definitive answer, we can perform an amniocentesis but there is a small risk of a miscarriage with that test as it's a bit more invasive."

Piper shook her head immediately, "No, can we just do the screening test and if it comes back that I'm high risk make a decision later?"

"Yes absolutely."

Piper looked over at Alex, "is that alright with you?" Alex felt overwhelmed with the amount of information and had difficulty digesting all of it. They said they'd wait to tell their friends and family about their baby when they knew it was healthy but she never stopped to think about what they would do it if it wasn't.

"I know it's morbid to think about, but these are tests that you should do only if you want this information, it's not for everyone. Some people want to know the results because they don't feel like they would be able to parent a child who had special needs. Others want the information so that they can mentally prepare and educate themselves on the specific conditions so that they are ready. Others just simply cannot endure a full pregnancy not knowing either way so they accept the test and decide what they'll do later. You both don't need to decide what to do today. When you come back in a month, you'll be far enough along to do the tests and we can revisit this alright?"

Piper nodded quietly, more nervous than when she first walked into this room, Alex shook her head rapidly from side to side trying to shake any thoughts of any possibility that anything could ever go wrong.

Piper lay back on the table for her exam, while Alex stood behind her head. The midwife told her that her uterus felt about the size of a small grapefruit, and Alex practically crossed her eyes. She stepped out again and returned with a doctor who performed her sonogram. He pointed out to the flicker on the screen,

"and that there is the heart beating." He pressed some buttons on the machine and turned up a knob creating a static like sound, and he moved the mouse over the flickering image when a quick thumping filled the room.

Piper sharply inhaled and squeezed Alex's hand. "Is that not the most perfect sound you've ever heard?"

Silence. "Alex?"

She tilted her head back and Alex laughed through her tears, "I'm such a freaking cliché," she looked over at Karen, "does this ever get old? People falling apart in front of you every day?"

"No, these kinds of moments are the highlight of my job."

She thanked the doctor, handed some of the captured images to Piper and told her she could get dressed. She turned to her computer and ordered labs, and some future appointments. Piper continued dressing while she handed Alex a binder full of important numbers, information, warning signs, safe foods and medications that could be taken over the counter.

They walked out of the office feeling elated and but also a little worried. "So, what would we do if something was wrong?"

Alex rubbed the small of her back. "Pipes I never thought about this."

Piper nodded in agreement. "I think for me, it would depend on what the problem is, but I would definitely need to know either way. Being left in the dark would drive me insane."

"Let's not worry about anything until there's something to worry about ok?"

The past four weeks, Piper went to work at PoPi, hoping Polly wouldn't pick up on anything. Working around fragrances all day had made it challenging to hold down her breakfast, her sense of smell had enhanced two fold. It would be easier to tell Polly, and she'd be so excited and supportive but she couldn't shake the feeling of having to retell their world that something was wrong with their baby after making people around her so excited. Polly had commented on how frequently she had used the bathroom and asked her if she was alright. Piper just brushed it off, and said she was trying to drink eight full glasses of water a day to rid her body of toxins and Polly just accepted it as one of the latest things Piper read in a magazine. But today she commented on her attire over the last two weeks.

"Another dress? I'm beginning to feel more drab than I already usually do around you. Should I not wear jeans to work anymore? Is it unfashionable?"

Piper's jeans were just barely too small to fit into and while normally she would just deal with it, she knew Polly would notice they were tighter immediately and start to put things together.

"The weather is nice, I've just been in a flowy mood," she responded nonchalantly, "wanna break for lunch?"

Piper exhaled, while still feeling slightly guilty about lying to Polly. She knew Alex had similar banter going on with Nicky. She whined to Piper that Nicky had given her shit over not coming out, to any of the lounges they frequented, over the last few months. "She thinks I'm avoiding her and calling me old when I suggest something like a movie."

Piper and Polly went to lunch around the corner from their shop and threw around ideas for some new scents and products to add to their line. Piper excused herself to use the bathroom and asked Polly to get her wallet from her purse to pay if the bill came. Polly reached for her best friends purse and felt around for her wallet when she heard a pill bottle rattle. She pulled it out of the purse and read "prenatal vitamins." Polly gasped out loud and tried to hide her

excitement. She called their waiter over and asked if he could bring two glasses of orange juice to their table and paid their bill.

Piper returned from the bathroom and sat down, "did you pay?"

Polly stared at her with her attempt at an aloof smile. The waiter returned with two glasses of orange juice, the check and Polly's credit card. Piper confusedly looked at the juice as if the order wasn't theirs when Polly thanked the waiter and looked back at Piper.

"Why do you look ridiculous? And why would you order juice? I thought we were done."

"It's fresh squeezed, and refreshing and its 90 degrees outside, why? Will it interfere with your water challenge?"

"No, it's fine, thanks... I guess," she looked at her friend suspiciously and sipped her orange juice.

"It's a mimosa," Polly stated as she brought her own glass to her lips and gulped down her juice.

Piper spit hers back into the cup."Polly, what the hell? Why wouldn't you tell me you're giving me a drink in the middle of the work day?"

"Why wouldn't you tell me you're pregnant? You little bitch!"

Piper looked at her in amazement with her jaw lowered, "how do you know?"

"How could you not tell me?! Of course now it's obvious, the constant peeing and the lack of skinny jeans, had me doubting my fashion sense!," she sipped her juice, "I thought I was your best friend?," she questioned looking hurt, "I found your vitamins in your purse."

Piper tilted her head back, not thinking at all about the pills in her purse. She'd gotten used to them being in there for the last few weeks. "You are my best friend. We just didn't want to tell anyone until we knew that everything was ok. I have my next prenatal visit at the end of the week."

"Piper you're like the healthiest person I know and again, now it all makes sense, you've been on an even healthier streak, even for you. Why would you think something is wrong? Is Alex freaking you out? How many weeks are you?" Her eyes darted to her friend's tummy.

"I'm just nervous because I'm a little older, and no Alex has been amazing. She keeps trying to tell me not to worry, but I can't help it. I'm just a little over eleven weeks."

"I seriously cannot believe you've kept this from me for all of this time. I was nervous too but everything was fine, really just be calm, you're already doing everything you can. How are you feeling overall?"

"Mostly tired, nausea was way worse before, pretty much got it down to a science now. My boobs hurt a little but otherwise I'm pretty good."

Polly wrapped her in a tight hug. "I'm kind of in shock, I didn't even know you guys were thinking about trying."

"If I had told you, you would've driven me crazy. It took six months, it was agonizing." "So nobody else knows?"

Piper shook her head, "no one. Please other than Pete, don't tell anyone until I have my visit ok?" She kissed Piper on her cheek and promised.

They returned to work but got absolutely nothing done. Polly was a typical best friend and tried to catch up on all the details that she had been deprived of being a part of. She made Piper pull

the loose fabric of her dress back to show off her belly, even though it had just looked like she'd eaten a big lunch. "You're too much, if I hadn't told you would be able to tell?"

"You didn't tell me, I figured it out thank you very much, and probably not, I'd just attribute it to a few too many beers or something," she laughed sweetly.

"Not going to lie, I miss the occasional beer. I never really paid attention to how much I liked certain things until now, being forced to neglect them."

Piper sent Alex a text message saying she was going shopping with Polly and would probably get dinner out with her, before heading out to some stores. At home, Alex was picking up around the house when the bell from the intercom buzzed. "Who is it?"

"Ay yo, Vause it's me, let me up." Alex buzzed in Nicky ready for the guilt trip from turning her down to go out over the last few weeks; she opened their front door and stood in the doorway.

"I had to come here in person to make sure it was you I was talking to on the phone and that you didn't drop dead on me. College home yet?"

She shook her head. "Sorry Nick, I know, things have been really busy. Piper went to dinner with Polly actually, want to order in or something?," she asked as she continued to pick up and straighten as she walked about with Nicky at her heels.

"No, I want to go out one weekend and let off some steam. Work has been intense for me too, y'know."

She continued shadowing Alex throughout the apartment while Alex grabbed some papers from her backpack, and carried them to their office. She laid the papers out on the desk and sorted through them; she squatted down, her glasses slid down her nose, and pulled out the drawer of the small file cabinet and slipped individual papers into different files.

Nicky eyed their calendar in search of an open weekend, "you're free this weekend, what's with all the dots? Chapman's got you on a color coded system?"

Alex tilted her head back so she could see through her glasses, "she doesn't have me on anything, she's just organized, wanna get away from my calendar?"

"Why are there so many Ob/Gyn... is everything okay?," her tone was briefly serious, "get chlamydia on another dare?" Nicky started to shuffle around as if the floor was hot.

Alex stood up without any concern in her eye, she then lunged forward as if to shove Nicky in the shoulder but the wild haired blonde darted her movement. "Everything is perfectly fine, you're a fucking impossible nag."

Alex hit the light of the office leaving Nicky standing there in the dark and walked toward the kitchen. She opened the fridge and poured a glass of water, "you want anything?"

"What do you have?"

"Water, milk, cranberry juice, ginger ale..."

"Please tell me you have fucking beer?"

"I forgot to get some last time I went, what do you want?"

Nicky threw her arms in the air, "you're fucking useless! Doesn't College usually do the shopping? This is why, you fucked up grocery shopping. How could you forget beer?"

Alex glared at Nicky, 5 seconds from threatening to get a comb through her hair.

Nicky narrowed her eyes back at Alex, ready for battle, when her mouth dropped, "... holy shit, are you guys breeding?


	3. Chapter 3

3

"Jesus...fuck, you say 'breeding' like it's some kind of vulgarity."

"Holy fuckin' shit Vause!" she yelled so loudly, Alex swore the neighbors were about to pound on the walls, "you guys are going to have a baby? You can't even remember your lunch bag half the week!"

Alex tongued her cheek and continued to stare down the woman who had accidentally become her confidante while serving time in Litchfield.

Nicky jumped and put her in a headlock before giving her a genuine hug. It felt amazing that someone else knew. Alex walked to the corner of their kitchen where they had a wine cabinet, pulling out a bottle and made some hand gestures, "will this do?"

Nicky nodded "you used to say 'breeders' too, you fucking hypocrite!" Alex kept her back to her friend and poured them each a glass of wine.

"So did you guys already breed or just rid the place of anything potentially harmful as like this pre-baby making cleanse?"

Alex smirked at her and handed her friend her glass while straddling an ottoman, Nicky dramatically adjusted her skirt and crossed her legs, implying she was offended by Alex's body language. She tapped her glass to Alex's, raised her pinky in the air and sipped her wine.

"Good wine," Nicky shared her approval and reclined into their sofa.

Alex tilted her head far back and stroked her neck, "Piper can't drink anything right now, she honestly could probably care less if I bought beer and brought home sushi," she sipped her wine, and placed her glass on the table,"but she's already putting her body through enough, she's tired and nauseated and throwing up, I don't want to cause her any emotional stress. I... need to support her, I shouldn't throw all the things that I don't have to sacrifice in her face you know?"

"Well aren't you just so compassionate, why don't we just beckon Florence Nightingale and have her pin a vintage nursing cap on your head herself?"

Alex mouthed "fuck-you" in slow motion.

"You guys can still come out though, she's not disabled."

"I know that, and she's her own person. She's told me to go and that I didn't have stay back just because she's just not been up to it. This is the first day she hasn't come straight home since," she swallowed and didn't finish her sentence. She continued,"I'll try to be a better friend," Nicky put her hands up as if to say it's fine I'm not judging you, "I wasn't trying to blow you off, I'm not feeling the bar scene, and I'd want to go somewhere that she'd enjoy right now too. Our midwife said her energy level and the nausea should go away in the next two or three weeks," Nicky nodded in agreement, watching her friend morph before her eyes.

"Until then I need to just be here with her... no, I want to be here with her, she's...," Alex's eyes widened, her head fell into her hands and she breathed deeply, "my pregnant wife." She massaged her fingertips into her scalp, "Shit that sounds so terrifying. That's the first time I said that out loud." She felt her heart palpitating and moving into her throat.

Nicky scooted closer toward the edge of the couch and patted the brunette hard on the back, "congratulations Vause... but all this domestication is seriously going to make me ralph and now I have to pee." She pushed herself off the couch and went to relieve herself. She found Alex laying with her torso onto the couch, hip still over the ottoman.

"Whatsamatter?" She rested a hand on Alex's shoulder. Alex pulled herself upright, her face devoid of any confidence, "what if I suck?"

Nicky pulled her onto the couch and wrapped an arm around her head and exhaled. "Nicky, I have no idea what I'm doing. I have almost no experience with kids, the only kid I really know is Polly's son Finn, and he's an easy one. "

"You just gotta be straight with 'em. They're like dogs, they can smell fear. If they think you're genuine they'll play nice and won't bite."

Alex rubbed her eyes. "Listen Vause, if you love this kid half as fiercely as you do College, and really after all these years it's still enough to make me want to drive the porcelain bus, consider that kid one of the luckiest in the world."

Alex tilted her head and looked sideways at Nicky, and laughed through her nose, "thanks."

"You'll be great, really, I mean it, all you need is love right?" she looked at Alex innocently, then pantomimed gagging herself. "So how'd you pick the donor?"

They spent the better part of the evening eating take out and Alex caught her up on the whole process.

Piper's keys unlocked the door and Alex got up to meet her, Polly followed behind her holding a few bags. Alex kissed Piper hello and told her Nicky was in the living room. Piper walked down the hall and Polly handed Alex Piper's leftovers, "she didn't really eat that much." Polly set the bags down in the hall, and followed behind Alex. Alex set the leftovers in the fridge and stood up, she felt Polly's arms wrap around her from behind. Alex's body stiffened, her eyes came down to the arms around her waist, "I'm so excited for you guys, Piper's really happy."

"Piper!," Alex called out from the kitchen, "thanks Polly, I am too, I'm nervous but I'm happy." "Yeeeeeesss?" Piper came in a few moments later.

"You told Polly," she stated with her hand on her hip. She met Polly's eyes, they were beaming. Her best friend wrapped her arms around her wife again, this time from the side, she tried not to laugh at the height difference.

"Yeah well Nicky just told me she wasn't babysitting so you're just as incompetent at keeping your mouth closed."

She tilted her head down slightly, her eyes peered over the top of her glasses, "you've never complained about my mouth before."

Piper blushed slightly, changing her gaze from her wife to her best friend and waited for Polly's disgusted commentary.

"I don't even care," Polly muttered still hugging Alex.

Alex lifted her arm and let it rest on Polly's back, "wow, was this all I had to do to get a free pass?"

"Mmmm hmmm," Polly replied giddily, nodding her head into Alex's side.

Alex chuckled, "a chubby tiny human could've saved us from years of banter, but what would've been the fun in that?"

They moved into the living room to join Nichols, Polly still attached to Alex.

"This is all your fault you know?," Nicky stood up pointing to Polly. "If your kid wasn't so fucking cute Alex would've been able to fight the urge."

"He's going to be so excited," was Polly's only reply.

"Pol please don't tell him yet, not until I do all my tests... please."

"You'll tell him, when you're ready, you need to stop worrying though, really, it's not healthy, you're going to make yourself sick."

Piper sighed, "I know and I'm starting to feel nauseous now, right on time, almost every night."

"You didn't really eat much though, lemme go warm up some of your leftovers." Alex started to get up when Piper nodded.

Nicky caught Alex's shoulder and pushed her back down onto the couch. "You need to relax too," Nicky walked off to their kitchen to make Piper a plate.

Alex turned towards Piper with a surprised face, curling her lips, touched by Nicky's empathy, "well someone's lack of baby enthusiasm faded fast. We can send the kid to Camp Nicky when it's older." Piper smiled and rested her head on Alex's shoulder.

Alex and Nicky's relationship was comprised primarily of sarcastic craic, but if she ever needed her to tuck away the witty insults, Nicky was there pulling an instantaneous 180, always lending a loyal ear and Alex loved her for it. Piper was the one person Nicky had ever seen Alex lose her shit over, multiple times. She would do anything for that woman, anything to make her smile, protect her, and even if she'd poke fun at her, if anyone ever took it too far, the scorn in Alex's eyes would cause anyone to immediately regret their words, internally retreat into a corner and cower. It took Alex a long time before she confided in Nicky without inhibition; Nicky had probed her timelessly for information about their past. She spoke of how she accidentally fell in love with Piper not realizing how deep it was until her life fell apart when the young blonde left her in Paris. She told her of the years she'd spent coping with her loss and trying to move forward, relying on casual sex and her brief stint with heroin. She described the vulnerability that she felt putting herself completely on the table at Pipers mercy while at Litchfield; that she was willing to completely expose herself for the miniscule chance that Piper would be able to rediscover what her and Alex once had years ago and choose the life of surprise versus predictability. Though she was ashamed immediately after she allowed Nicky to sexually release all of her tension, she never forgot the loyalty that came from the person who knowingly allowed herself to be used in order to help a friend.

Polly said her goodbyes and let herself out while Nicky hung around until Piper finished and started to fade. Piper curled up on the couch, resting her head in Alex's lap, Alex stroked her hair. Nicky went to clear her plate when Alex asked her to get a pill from the b6 bottle on the microwave. Nicky returned, Piper took her pill and started nodding off. Alex and Nicky whispered for a while, she asked Alex more details about the tests Piper referred to earlier, she didn't know the first thing either and listened with genuine fascination. She admired her friends' bravery at this experience and while she knew her vision of Alex had now changed forever, she found a new kind of respect for the woman and the choices she'd made over the years.

Alex supported Piper and walked Nicky out, Pipers eyes were barely open as she waved goodbye to Nicky as she walked out the door. "No wrench in ya twat for you tonight Vause," she nudged her head towards a standing up-while-sleeping-Piper, "goodnight."

Piper had her blood drawn for her first trimester screening test, and proceeded down the hall for an official sonogram and a measurement was taken of the back of their baby's neck to rule out suspicious abnormalities. She was told a few days later on the phone that everything came back negative and she felt like the entire weight of the world had been lifted off of her shoulders. She called Alex and relayed the news. She cooked a big dinner and Alex watched as she happily ate more in that meal than she had eaten over the last two days combined. Her beautiful blonde was finally at peace. She was always able to read Piper like an open book. She could do and say whatever she wanted but Alex always knew what she was feeling inside. "I used to eat when I was stressed, now I can only eat if I'm relaxed," she said around a mouthful of food, stating the obvious.

They retreated to their couch, each leaning their backs against opposite arms, sliding down slightly, feet propped into each other's laps. Alex set an alarm on her phone, they had fallen asleep countless times in this ritual, only waking up the next morning, sometimes an hour after they were supposed to have been at work. Alex pulled one of the Popi lotions from the bowl on their table and massaged Pipers feet. She looked completely at ease, and Alex admired her beauty as she sank completely into the couch, authentically resting for the first time in weeks. She raised her arms over her head, curling one hand over her bun, she traced a finger around her ear and closed her eyes.

Alex just stared at her for a while, she rubbed her feet along Piper's legs, "want anything?"

"I want for nothing," she replied with a soft smile.

Alex smiled back at her and closed her eyes. She felt Piper drag her foot from her ankle, against her inner thigh, until it met her center, she wiggled her toes. Alex raised her eyebrows and muffled a laugh, "now? you're about to fall asleep."

"Yeah well, like you once told me, 'I'm never that tired.'"


	4. Chapter 4

4

"Yes around noon... I know, we won't... she's right here, I will, okay," she grabbed a long sleeved shirt from the pile of clothes she was folding on the bed, and wrapped it around her neck like a noose. "She wants me to tell you that she's very much looking forward to your casserole." Alex made a halo with her fingers over her head. Piper pulled the phone away from her ear and pulled the shirt sleeve higher over her head, tightening it around her neck.

"Stop," Alex mouthed, and unwrapped the shirt, folding it with hasty speed. Piper primarily did their laundry, but Alex often took over as she was able to fold their belongings in about half the time Piper could, "I've had some practice."

"So you wanna drive or take the train up?"

"Oh no, I need the getaway car for a quick escape."

"They're not that bad Piper."

"Yeah this is coming from the same person who conventionally asked for their permission before asking me to marry you," Piper rolled on the bed laughing, Alex looked at her begrudgingly and shook her head.

"The things I've done for you, you freaking punk. It was my attempt at formality, it was the least I could do for ruining their picture perfect aristocratic, waspy life for you."

"What would you have done if they said no?" still laughing.

"Married you anyway. I knew they wouldn't say no though, I'd already charmed them enough with my gentlelady ways," she batted her eyelashes animatedly.

Alex held a wooden Popi box on her lap while Piper drove up the Merritt Parkway. Their friends hadn't given them the opportunity to tell them their baby news, and though excited, she was nervous for Piper's parents' reaction.

"Alex this is a mean Mex casserole," Cal spooned his second servings into a bowl, "it has a wicked kick."

Piper leaned forward and rubbed her chest, in an attempt to ease her heartburn. "Yeah there's about 6 jalapenos, chili powder, and spiced tomatoes in there."

Piper groaned, drawing Carol's attention to her, "Piper honey don't slouch," she pushed her shoulder back slightly; interestingly enough she felt a little better.

Alex wriggled her shoulders back mocking Piper and smirked.

"I need a Tums," Piper pushed her chair back to go search for the antacid.

"Can you?.." Alex said a little too loudly, before cutting herself off.

Piper nudged her head toward the box, and Alex gave her a "no way" look. She wanted to surprise her parents before they continued with the theme and figured it out before they had the opportunity to tell them.

Piper rolled her eyes as she got up from the table to retrieve the box. She handed it to her mother and asked her dad to sit beside her, "it's for both of you from both of us. We really hope you like it."

"New products?" her father asked as her mother brought the box down into her lap. Carol lifted the wooden cover off the box and moved the long multicolored paper confetti to the side. There was a cloth diaper held together with oversized safety pins. Piper's father's eyes went watery and his nose started to get red. Her mother lifted the diaper and read the stitching on the front, "open at your own risk," she read aloud, her voice shaking. Alex cracked a laugh, amused with her creative contribution. She undid the safety pin and revealed a silver frame with a sonogram photo and a little note that said, "Can't wait to meet you Grammy and Gramps."

"Seriously Piper?," her mother asked through her cries with her hand on her chest, "is it yours?"

"Yes mom! Who else's baby do you think it is?"

"Well I don't know how you go about doing this, I never thought this was going to happen!," she said half laughing, half crying.

"Yeah well my ancient eggs are still cracking mother. All of the tests came back normal."

"Oh you girls are going to give me a heart attack." She put the frame down and hugged her daughter, before extending an arm to pull Alex in.

Piper looked over to her father, his head laying on the table over his crossed arms, he was a mess. "Daddy!" She hugged him around his shoulders from behind.

"When is my grandbaby supposed to be here?," was all he could manage to mutter.

"Sometime in February, it's still early."

"How are you feeling Piper?," her mother asked.

"We'll now I have indigestion thanks to Alex's supersized 7 layer casserole. I wanted some tums or something but I don't know if it's safe, I'll just deal with it."

"Tums are fine, I lived on them when I carried the three of you, I'll go get you some." It should've been more obvious that she could ask her mother questions like this, she'd gone through this three times but it all just started to sink in. She felt lucky for the extra invaluable resource in her mother, when she looked over at Alex. Alex gave her a wink, but in that moment she could tell she missed her mother terribly and wished that she could share this with her as well. Alex's expression didn't change much, but she could feel her wife's heartache from across the table. She came over towards Cal, resting her cheek on Alex's head.

Cal picked up the frame and put it next to Alex's face, "gnarly, good work, but it looks nothing like you." He hooked his arm around Alex shoulder,

"Haaaa," she replied.

"Is my sister not dramatic enough for you? You're adding hormones and another Chapman to this mix?"

"I guess I can't get enough of you guys, I must be some kind of masochist," she punched Cal in the arm.

"Um it'll be Vauseman, yes?," Piper massaged her wife's shoulder. Alex looked up not expecting this decision right now, and managed a closed mouthed smile, "concurred. I'd like that."

"Vauseman?," Carol came back with the bottle of Tums, "I love it, it sounds noble."

Piper chatted with her family and Alex whispered to her that she was going to sit outside for a minute. Alex walked out on their back porch and sat on the bottom step and rubbed her feet in the grass. She looked out into the trees, she could hear birds among the branches. She played with the end of her hair and fought hard against the sentimentality that was trying to overcome her from within. "It's not fair, I miss you," she said out loud toward the trees. She spoke out loud rarely but she always felt her mother heard her more when she did instead of letting the conversations roll around in her head.

She heard the door close behind her, she really just wanted a minute alone, to be vulnerable, and yet be angry that she was left alone too soon without her biggest support. She wiped her nose with the back of her hand when she heard the wood creaking down the stairs behind her. "I'm fine Piper really, I just needed a sec."

A tea towel was laid on the step beside her, as Carol sat atop it and placed her hand on Alex's knee, "and how are you feeling Alex?"

Not expecting the voice, she released the gasp that caught in her throat. "I'm ok. I'm," she paused, "excited...about everything. I feel," she nodded her head in confirmation, "lucky to have this with Piper. She means everything to me." She tucks her hair behind her ear, "I'm feeling...," she exhales a single amused breath, "relieved that you both are happy for our baby."

"And?," she inquires further, picking up on her daughter in law's tension.

"And... honestly, I'm...nervous...somewhat?"

"Oh that's normal though, it's just a sign that you'll be a good parent."

"Well now that we know everything looks fine with our tests, Piper doesn't seem to be nervous anymore."

"Well, Piper's...Piper."

Alex found herself laughing, "that she is. The exception to every rule." While she found it odd to be laughing here with a person she once believed was devoid of the humor gene, she found some solace in her company.

"What else?," Alex shook her head, not knowing what her mother in law was getting at. "What else are you feeling?"

Alex lost it. She sat on her hands and turned away from Carol Chapman. Over the years, she didn't feel the need to put up the same front she once emanated. She had learned to trust and let down her defenses. She'd never been close with Piper's mother, their relationship permitted the exchange of kind words and cordiality, it was a notch above forced, walking on eggshells. So why was she now extending herself, showing this new found interest in her all of a sudden? What the hell.

"I'm glad Piper has you to guide her with questions and you can share what your experience was with her, it just makes me miss my mother so much more than I already do every day."

Carol nodded her head and tightened her lips. "I know I'm not your mother Alex, nothing will ever take that pain away. You learn to adapt, but it doesn't go away. You and Piper, you're both my daughters now. I have things that I hope you both can learn from me, but I've learned a great deal from the both of you, I just want you to know that, and that you too can always come to us... if you needed to. My grandbaby needs two strong, healthy mommies. You both do a fine job of taking care of one another but sometimes you need help. It's here, alright?"

"Noted. Thanks Carol." She stood and helped Carol up and walked inside. -

* * *

The cold rubber of the exam table sent chills over her body as she reclined onto her back and raised her shirt to tuck it under her bra. Alex sat on the edge of the table and held her hand. The sonographer dimmed the lights and emptied, what felt like, half a bottle of cold gel over her torso and began the scan. The sonographer stated aloud what he was seeing and measuring, "crown rump length, your baby is measuring to be about 19 weeks, right on target." He moved the probe slowly, "face, orbits, nose, mouth," he moved it slowly across her whole abdomen, "spine, hands, kidney, bladder, stomach, femurs, feet." He changed the colors on the black and white screen, "that's the cord, and that's the blood flow through it, there's two arteries, one vein, the flow looks good, there's the placenta, and the fluid level around the baby looks great." Piper felt the squeeze from Alex's hand. "Do you want to know the gender?"

Piper shook her head, "no."

"What? Are you serious? I want to know!," she hopped off the table.

The sonographer turned the light back on and handed Piper a towel to wipe herself off with.

Piper wiped off the gel and handed the towel to Alex, Alex snatched it from her hand.

"Hey, what's with the grabbing? It'll be nice if it's a surprise. It will give me more motivation to push at the end."

Alex reflected a face that looked as if she had eaten something sour and raised a hand, "I'm not there yet. What the heck though? Can I at least know if I promise not to tell you?"

"Yeah right, you'll slip."

The sonographer chimed in, "I'll just write it on a card and seal it in an envelope. If you ever change your mind, you'll have the option to open it and know whenever you want."

Piper agreed, and accepted the envelope. Alex took it and immediately held it up to the light. "Oh my gosh, give me that," she swiped it from the brunette's hands.

She tried to take it back from Piper as they walked out of the office and got into their car to drive to Polly's for lunch.

"Just give it to me, I won't look at it. I'll put it away at home somewhere in a drawer." "Yeah right, you'll look it at it the second I'm gone!

"I won't!"

"You're such a shitty liar!"

"I used to be an amazing liar," Piper cut her eyes at her. "What?" she shrugged her shoulders, "I was."

"Are you bragging about it?" Piper looked at her offended.

"Hey, I was. And I wouldn't lie to you now, don't look at me that way," she leaned over towards the passenger seat, her lips inches from Piper's, she pushes them out slightly, making them look fuller.

Piper closed her eyes slowly then reopened them and peered at Alex, as if she wasn't amused.

Alex subtly licked her lips, "mmmhmm...," she breathed out a soft chortle, "right," she looked the blonde up and down.

Irresistible. Piper fought the urge for all of 5 seconds more before she pressed her lips against Alex's and moaned satisfied.

Alex relaxed back into her seat fulfilled with her small victory and started the ignition.

Piper breathed away her tension, "you're still not getting this," she said raising the envelope and put it in her purse.

Alex dragged her nails up all the way up Piper's thigh, danced her fingers over her sensitive spot like a piano and drawled, "we'll see."

She pulled away from the curb and drove toward Polly's. Piper looked out the window and watched cars fly by them on the highway. "Um Al, is there a reason the church elders are passing us?"

Alex turned her head slightly toward Piper, trying not to take her eyes off the road. She caught Piper's eyes and then placed her hand on Piper's belly, and rubbed her thumb back and forth. "Just trying to keep you and Mookie safe."

Piper snorted a laugh. "Mookie?"

Alex bit her lip and smiled, "yeah," she said shrugging her shoulders, as if it was a completely reasonable name, "and it's going to be Mookie for another 5 months because you won't just let me open the damn envelope!"

"Mookie it is then."

They arrived at Polly's and walked around the side of the house to the backyard. The patio table had a few plates set out, and a bowl of chips and dip.

"Pippy!," Finn shouted and ran over to his honorary aunt, he hadn't seen her all month. Piper crouched down and hugged him; she inhaled his scent, "syrup and cheese," she mouthed up at Alex. Polly walked out holding a large platter of assorted sandwiches and set it on the table. Finn turned and looked up at Alex as she tousled his hair and leaned his head against her leg. He traced his fingers along Piper's abdomen, "Pippy, why is your tummy big?," she laughed gently.

"Finn, that's not polite, you don't ask people that," Polly snapped at him.

"That's okay," she replied sitting down. Alex handed a box of pastries to Polly before she walked back into her house to get more food; she sat in a chair near Piper.

"Finn, Alex and I are going to have a baby."

"You're getting a baby?" Piper nodded at him, "mmmhmmm." Alex crossed her arms over her chest and watched their interaction.

"From where?," he asked. Alex laughed out loud.

"It's in here Finn," she placed her hands on the swell of her skin.

"Can we take it out?" he asked confusedly. Polly walked back out with a bowl of pasta salad and watched her son with his aunt.

"Not yet, it still needs to grow. It's going to feel like a long time so we have to be patient."

"What's the baby's name?"

"We don't know yet buddy," Alex told him. She whispered into his ear.

"Is it a boy baby or a girl baby?," he asked excitedly sharing the question.

"Oh Alex, really?"

"Oh Ayix, really?" he repeated with a similar expression.

"What, you didn't find out?," Polly asked surprised.

"No! Can you believe this one doesn't want to know?," she said pointing her thumb toward Piper.

"You need to let this go," Piper looked at Alex while reaching into her purse,"Can you hold this somewhere so this one doesn't hire a search party to raid our home?," she handed Polly the envelope.

Alex let her mouth drop down, "oh, so you trust her, but not me? Well that's nice."

"You want to know a little bit too much my dear. Does it really matter? What are you going to do differently?"

"You can get all the stuff prepared!," Polly chimed in. "Everything is going to be green and yellow."

"Unknowable universe, what will the neighbors say"?

"It would just help me get used to what Mookie might look like and visualize us with him or her before they're here," Alex relayed her two cents realizing it wouldn't be enough. She reluctantly handed the plate of food she'd created over to Piper. Piper smiled childishly.

"What does the baby eat?," he asked his aunt offering her a chip.

"Whatever I eat." She bit the chip that Finn held out for her.

"Does the baby like chips?"

"Mookie, Finn, call the baby Mookie." Alex encouraged him. He nodded, he bit his tongue between his teeth.

"Of course, but the baby also likes pasta salad." She fed him a forkful before she fed herself. He curiously watched her eat her pasta.

"Does the roni's fall on Mookie's head?," he asked with a concerned unsure face. Alex cackled deeply.

"No, Mookie moves out the way."

Finn scampered off and found a ball. Alex tossed it back and forth with him and tried to teach him how to get in front of it, and use two hands, stagger his legs to help it go further. She looked up at Piper who watched her wife curiously trying to instruct a kid knowing full well that she had no idea what she was talking about. The brunette shrugged her shoulders with a wide smile and continued to toss the ball with Finn for a while before returning to the table for dessert. Finn climbed onto Alex's lap and tried to pull her leg up higher on the chair. She usually sat crossed legged and he liked to sit in the middle. He squirmed around a little digging his boney butt into Alex's leg, until she picked up and said, "alright kid, you win", she sat on the grass with him and he plopped down in her lap.

Polly shook her head and apologized.

Piper turned towards the pair and pushed her toes into Alex's knee when she felt something weird. Her leg straightened against Alex, she looked like she was thinking hard.

"Pipes what's the matter are you ok?," She stood Finn upright.

"Yeah yeah, I'm fine. I think I can feel the baby moving." Her inhalation was staggered. "It felt like a swimming fish or something."

"Oh yeah I forgot about those little movements!," Polly remembered excitedly.

"It felt so weird!," her eyebrows remained pressed inward, her eyes looked up, still thinking.

"Mookie really likes chips and roni salad!"

Alex looked over still really concerned, almost frowning. Piper laughed at her. "Alex I'm fine. It didn't hurt or anything, I just felt it for a second."

"Okay I don't care if Mookie is a boy or a girl, just as long as it's alright. You sure that's all it was?"

"Alex, I-am-fine. Sit down." She watched the brunette drag her hand over her face. 5 more months.


	5. Chapter 5

5

The crop circle of cray pas, protractors, sketches, and architectural plans surrounded her wife on the floor of their office. Her blue print tube lay by her hip as she knelt on the floor sketching ideas for the art design of their newest project. She stood in the doorway, the light from the desk cast a glow over the brunette's shiny dark head as it bopped along to the Alabama Shake's "Always Alright." She stood admiringly, watching her wife go through her process for a while before she spoke,

"In your zone?"

She looked over her shoulder acknowledging the voice, "Hey babe, yeah, I didn't even hear you come in." Alex pushed herself up onto her knees to receive her kiss from Piper. The blonde took a seat in their luxury leather office rolling chair and exhaled loudly. She twisted slightly cracking her back. Watching her wife while she worked always turned her on, lately she longed for the brunette more than ever.

"How was your day?," the brunette asked, raising her glasses up onto her head, "how are you feeling?," she asked, stroking her wife's tummy.

"We're fine. I've had a headache that's lingered all day though." Before she had been able to say anything else, Alex had put her hand up and walked out the room. Piper felt catered to before her pregnancy, but Alex had taken indulging her to a whole new level. She returned with a Tylenol and a frosty glass bottle of Coke. Piper caught her eye when she returned, relaying a you're ridiculous and I'm perfectly capable of obtaining my own remedies look, as Alex shrugged her shoulders and smiled, she knew that look and somewhere within she agreed, but she couldn't help herself.

"The movements are getting so much stronger Al! I felt it a lot in this spot earlier," she moved her hand over to a particular patch of skin. Alex had tried to catch the movements that Piper felt throughout the week failing to feel the bumps underneath her hand. She sipped her coke and a few minutes later, and felt the roll of her baby from one side to the other.

"Come here!," she beckoned Alex with her hand. She placed Alex's hand underneath her own against the space where she felt the roll.

"I can't feel it Pipes, it's probably still too early."

"Just wait for it." She kept her hands firmly on top of Alex's. She wanted Alex to be able to feel their baby as often as she had been able to but perhaps the movement was too light.

Alex breathed air out her nose and waited for ten minutes, her knees pained from remaining in the same position, she readjusted, but kept her hand put. She leaned onto her left hip, and rested her head on Piper's thigh, "Mookie, I have stuff to get done."

The corner of Piper's mouth dipped down, her patience was running thin as well. She took another sip of her coke, and felt a bump from within.

"Whoa!," Alex's jaw dropped and her eyes widened, "I felt it!" She kept her hand perfectly still. She pushed the coke bottle back to Piper's lips, "it's the caffeine!" Piper took another swig and swallowed, she felt Mookie roll around again. Alex wiggled with excitement and put her other hand against Piper, a huge smile breaking across her face.

"Great another caffeine addict in this house, just what I need!" She let Alex lean against her for a few more minutes while Mookie went wild, before guiding Alex's hand higher until it cupped her breast causing the brunette to raise her eyebrows. She went with it and began to massage her hands over Piper's chest. Piper hiked up her skirt allowing easier access, seeking the sensuality of Alex's touch. She felt Alex's hand caress her leg, increasing her need, she kissed the brunette's mouth lasciviously. Alex guided her onto the desk, laid her on her back and removed her underwear. She sat across Pipers legs, and leaned forward on her elbows careful not to press all her weight against her and began kissing her, whispering dirty things in her ear causing Piper to hotly moan.

"I'm so horny Al, touch me," she panted out.

"Where do you want me sexy lady?," Alex asked her huskily through closed teeth. She teased her opening with two fingers.

Piper felt her hips raise up responding to the touch she desired to feel inside her, when she felt waves rolling between their skin, making them both freeze still. She couldn't stifle her laughter,

"You feel it too?," she confirms as she see sees Alex bite her tongue between her teeth, the brunette nods her head through hooded eyelids.

"I can't do this now!," she raised herself off her elbow and stood up next to their desk.

Piper slowly pushed herself upright, keeping herself supported by her hands. "What? Are you kidding me? Just give it a second, the baby will calm down!"

Alex bit her bottom lip, and laughed nervously, "that was really weird Pipes."

"Well you're going to need to get over it!," she said matter of factly. "You weren't weirded out 10 minutes ago!"

"Yeah, but it's weird to feel Mookie move when I'm in the middle of fu-," she changed her voice to a whisper, "slipping files into your folder!"

Piper guffawed, "why are you whispering?"

"I'm all too aware of the kid now," she admitted poking at Piper's middle.

"The kid can't hear you."

Alex's mind ran rampant, "Mookie sooooo can hear me! This is insane." It was all too surreal and overwhelming for her to comprehend.

"We'll look into it later. I want you...now, and I can't help but feel this kid all day, so you're going to need to get your shit together and get-over-it."

Alex took her hand and moved to their bedroom. She began to kiss her again and turned her onto her side, spooning her from behind. She brushed her hair away from her neck, and sucked around her pulse point and breathed hotly against her skin. She grazed her inner thigh, from her knee to the palpable wetness. She bent Piper's upper leg at the knee and glided her fingers in gently.

"Now we're talking, finally!"

"Are you comfortable?"

"Geez your sexual charisma is at its peak today. Stop talking and just let me feel you."

"Wow, this moodiness is really attractive. Please continue."

Piper rolled onto her back, and took Alex's face in her hands and kissed her hard, "just fuck me Alex."

Alex kissed down the length of her body until her mouth breathed against her wife's saturated center. She licked and sucked and teased until the feet that rested on her shoulders started pushing her away, and demanded that she feel her hand inside her. Two expert fingers were thrust inside, smoothly they moved deeper and retracted almost slipping out, causing Piper to moan each time she thought she'd lose contact. Piper sought Alex's other hand against the bed, squeezed it tightly as she felt her whole body heat up. "I'm gonna cum, don't stop." Alex quickened her pace, while licking Piper's hardened button until she felt the blonde shake uncontrollably around her mouth and fingers, eventually becoming still.

Piper turned back onto her side, her breathing now shallow. Alex fit her body behind her once again, stroking the damp skin down her back under her tank top and followed it to her bottom. She stroked her skin lightly, sending chills over the blonde's body. "I'm mildly obsessed with this ass," she said tapping it lightly.

"Stop it, I thank the stars for skirts and dresses, pants do not love these hips right now."

She squeezed her hip firmly, "yeah well there's just more of it for me to love," she said and she kissed the crease between her hip and her abdomen.

Piper used her arm to push herself upright and swung her legs over the bed. "What do you want for dinner?"

"I'll handle that, what do you want?"

"I don't know." She padded down the hall, into the kitchen and over to the fridge, she browsed, nothing met her fancy. "I kind of just want fruit or something light," she opens and closes the crisper with her foot, rattling the lone apple inside. "I'm just gonna get some stuff at the fruit stand downstairs. Where's my underwear?"

Alex grabs her hands and sits her down on the couch in their living room. Piper is about to protest and stand up when Alex snaps her fingers and points down at the couch.

"Me hunt the food, you grow the baby. I'll be right back." She grabbed her keys and took the stairs to the fruit stand. She grabbed kiwis, blueberries, strawberries, bananas, raspberries, bananas, clementines, and a small melon.

She chops the fruit and makes Piper a fruit salad, storing the rest in individual Tupperware for next few mornings' breakfasts. She brings the oversized bowl over to Piper on the couch, and props the blonde's feet on a pillow over their coffee table.

"Al, this bowl is Shrek sized, c'mon!"

"Just eat it." She opens the internet icon on her phone, her eyes dance wildly, then puts the phone down on the couch next to her wife, "I win." Piper reads through the text, week 25, baby can hear. She sees Alex saunter over to the bookshelf and peruses over many titles before narrowing it down, "Jane Austen or Roald Dahl?"

"I don't think I can handle child abuse right now... Austen." She forks a piece of kiwi and sucks it off the metal tines.

She lifts the book off the shelf, plopping down on the couch beside Piper, and lays the back of her head against her legs. "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife...humph,' and lucky to have one!" Piper feeds a raspberry to the brunette, letting her suck it from her fingers. Piper closes her eyes and listens intently to the words from Alex's lips, she's read Pride and Prejudice many times before, but a book always sounds so different when read aloud by her wife. She continues to listen to her wife reading, but her mind wanders off thinking of Miss Bingley and their admiration of books, "I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book!" She feels Mookie moving again, and in a daze grabs Alex's hand, causing the book to close, and places it under her shirt so she can feel. Alex stops reading, unable to see the words on the page, and Mookie stops.

"Keep going," Piper gently whispers. Alex balances the book on her chest and holds it open with one hand, keeping the other against Piper and begins to read again. Piper sees the color flow into Alex's cheeks, as they feel their baby dance at the sound of it's mothers voice.


	6. Chapter 6

Lol thanks everyone for your enthusiasm! Your comments are appreciated.

6

The scan gun beeped as Piper added another pack of swaddle blankets to their registry.

"Honestly though where in the hell are we going to put all of this? The spare already has a full dresser, so we don't need this," she points to the dresser on the scanned items list and deletes it, "and a Diaper Genie is disgusting, it's like a lazy Susan of dirty diaper storage, no thanks," she says as she removes that item as well. "I will personally walk each smelly diaper down the hall and throw it down the compactor, Vause's honor," she swears with two fingers slightly above her forehead.

"It's just to store them for a few days. I want to get the cloth diapers and look into getting a service to pick them up twice a week to launder them, it's better for the environment," Piper ranted on, as Alex looked at her over the top of her glasses, "but that might get really expensive, maybe we could just do it ourselves." Alex slid her glasses on top of her head and motioned with her hand that she was slitting her throat, "heck no, that's disgusting, throwing shitty diapers into the washing machine, no freaking way Pipes, and what the heck is a co-sleeper?" She widens her hands to about the size of a loaf of bread. "How does a person this big require all of this stuff?" She runs a nervous hand through her raven colored shoulder length hair.

Piper replies annoyed, "the co-sleeper is so that I can nurse in the middle of the night and that we can sleep restfully without having to worry about one of us rolling over and crushing Mookie

alright?" Alex facepalmed and rubbed her eyes hard before replacing her glasses. She walked slowly down the aisle and read the tags for the various co-sleepers. There were some that looked like foam covered boats, others that resembled a playpen. Piper walked further down the aisle, while Alex grabbed tags from 3 different products and sat cross legged on the floor behind her. When the blonde turned around she saw Alex sitting on the floor,

"Are you protesting? Is this your way of telling me you've had enough? Because we can always come back another time or add items online."

Alex silently read through the stats on the tags.

"Al?," she nudged her knee with her toe, "please don't make me bend down, it's too much right now."

The brunette pulled out her phone and started sliding her finger around the screen, "I just want to read some of the consumer reports for these. Keep going I'll find you in a minute. Add whatever you want to the list, except that Diaper Genie or cloth diapers, I have to have some standards." Piper caressed her wife's head and walked a few aisles over to the carriages. A little while later, Alex found her,

"I like this one. Its safety rating is really high and it's supposed to be really easy to move the kid next to you without crowding the bed, and look," she said excitedly, "it's portable so we can collapse it and it can turn into a play pen if we go to visit your folks."

"That's great, add it," she passed the laser gun to Alex. "Don't you want to look through and compare the stats?" "No, I trust you, just add it."

"What if I picked the wrong one?"

"You didn't, you wouldn't pick the wrong one. And if you did, well then, you did." She turned back toward the carriages, rolling a couple a few feet around the aisle.

Alex took a step closer, placed her hand on her shoulder, turning Piper toward her,

"But what if I did!? Piper every decision we make now impacts this kid," she said walking through the cramped aisle without direction. The look of panic in her eyes, was not one Piper saw in her often, but recognized her own face through her wife's eyes. Piper released the bit of tension she felt moments earlier and spoke,

"Al?," she asked with a tone getting the brunette to stop her pacing. "It hits me sometimes like this too; just breathe for a second." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"Look at me." She opened her eyes and stared at her wife with a look that said, nothing you can say right now is going to change the way I feel. "I have to pep talk myself every time I take a Tylenol or the days I skip morning yoga on the fitness channel. Sometimes were going to just do things that are not the best and that's okay. Sometimes we consciously know it's not the best, and sometimes we really don't know what we're doing, like everyone else who did this before us. This is a normal process, were going to be fine. Mookie is going to be fine. Yes we need to read about stuff, I don't want to go into this in a completely moronic fashion, but I don't want to obsess over everything either, we're going to burn ourselves out."

Alex continued to look at her not convinced. "That's great and all but ..."

"Alex, if my mother and your mother raised two girls that are happy and successful members of society, you don't think we can too?"

Alex gritted her teeth "yeah and we both ended up in prison, Piper."

"And we'll make sure we use our experience to make sure that doesn't happen to our kid."

Alex rolled her eyes and shook her head. She placed her hands on the grips of the carriage and nervously wheeled it back and forth, "sometimes I just want to scream 'c'mon kid, move your ass, what's taking so long?' and other times this wave of fear just kind of consumes me and makes me realize how much I'm really not ready at the same time."

Piper nodded her head in complete understanding, "I know Alex I do too. There are days where my body is sore and I just want to be done. But then I say okay maybe we're supposed to go through this for 40 weeks because we need the time. We really are so desperate to meet our child by then that all the doubt and anxiety just kind of stops mattering, you know?"

"I just want the kid to be ok. I don't want to screw it up."

"You're not going to screw up our child Alex, we're both going to make mistakes but both of us can't be type A about everything. I need you to forgive me when I make a bad call and I'll be able to do the same for you."

"You just take really good care of yourself, and I really appreciate it because you're giving our baby the best chance at being healthy. It's a lot of pressure to keep it going."

"Don't give me all of the credit, you take good care of me and you'll do the same with Mookie. Yes sometimes you hover over me and it makes me feel pathetic and you drive me crazy..."

"I drive you crazy? What about your ridiculous snoring on the nights you actually manage to fall asleep on your back or the way your ass is all over my side of the bed because of that ridiculous body pillow that replaced me- taking up your whole side... we might as well sell tickets for people to vacation on top of that thing!"

Piper pecked her and thanked her for her endurance. They agreed to continue shopping another day when Alex insisted on needing more time to compare user satisfaction and product recalls.

* * *

Piper dragged each hanger over the horizontal metal pole in the bedroom closet, looking for her cardigan.

"You ready Pipes?," Alex folded the page with measurements and put it in her bag.

"Yep, can't believe you convinced Nicky to go in exchange for food," she laughed, slipping on a pair of ballet flats.

"She wants to help, she just tries to suppress how thrilled she is to be an aunt, must be the baboon heart."

Alex waited near the door with Piper's coat draped over her arm as the blonde struggled with her second shoe.

"Ah, I can't it's too hot for that," she says motioning toward the coat. Chills ran over Alex's body, "Piper it's November, just take it at least."

"I'll just wear the cardigan," she said and headed through the door. "Where is the cardigan?"

Piper's eyes looked over the pale skin of her arms and laughed, "placenta brain, I must've left it in the room."

They picked up Nicky on the way to the hardware store to pick out a paint color and some light fixtures to start to transform the guest room into a nursery. Alex enlisted in Nicky's help to paint and make a day of friendly bonding which Nicky agreed to under the condition that Piper made her homemade chili.

After laying out 20 somewhat variations of the same color swatch, they settled on a Tiffany blue color and got to work in the early afternoon. Alex and Nicky spread the drop cloths throughout

the room and started opening the paint cans while Piper brought in some brushes, paint rollers and blue tape.

"C'mon Pipes out, it's not good to be breathing in all these fumes, you'll help with the finer details of decorating another day after the paint had time to dry and the room can air out."

The blonde pouted slightly and turned her back away from the two women and walked out.

She returned with a mask fashioned from a maxi pad and hair ties, dunked a brush in the paint can and painted near the baseboard moldings around the circumference of the room.

"Oh oh, owned, as usual Vause," retorted the wild haired blonde slapping Piper easily on the back. As the first layer was near dry, Piper sat on the floor, while Alex went around and touched up missed spots. Nicky moved the ladder to the center of the room, uninstalling the light fixture in the center.

"Hey Chapman, how many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

Piper smiled through her mask and raised her shoulders, "I don't know Nicky, how many?"

"Four. One to change it, two to organize the potluck and one to write a folk song about the empowering experience."

Piper laughed out loud and leaned back on her hands admiring their afternoon's work. Alex grabbed her hands to hoist her up, and she went out to the kitchen to start working on their chili for dinner.

A few hours later, with paint splotches over their ears, cheeks and in their hair, Alex and Nicky, washed up and made their way into the kitchen. Nicky had a seat at their new yet small dining room table and Alex brought out some bowls and tortilla chips, she set the pot of chili in the center.

"Ooooh, I can use my new cloth napkins!," Piper headed down toward the linen cabinet to retrieve paisley printed fabric.

"Oh goody!," Nicky mocked her sarcastically earning her a kick in the shin from Alex."Eh, what the fuck?! I'm just messing with her."

Piper returned and handed them each a napkin, sat down and placed one over her lap.

Nicky inhaled the aroma of the chili, and pointed to it snapping her fingers. Piper ladled a few scoops into each bowl; Alex sprinkled some shredded cheddar over the top, while letting out a series of moans and hastily shoved a spoonful in her mouth burning the roof, having tasted it too soon. Nicky dove in, it was one of her favorite dishes that Piper made. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, ignoring the napkin. Piper stared at her with a slight frown.

"Hey blondie, why do lesbians suck at cooking?"

Piper hardened her stare and Alex pulled her foot back ready to re-launch another kick when Nicky answered,

"because they always eat out."

All three women laughed in hysterics.

"No but seriously College you are a beast when it comes to this chili, what the hell is in this? Crack cocaine?"

"Nah, maybe some LSD, the list is long believe you me," she said spooning a mouthful of hearty beans and vegetables into her mouth. "Hey Nicky you think you can call me Piper?"

Nicky mulled the thought over for a split second, "Pipe-her? I hardly knew'er!" she said, slapping her leg, Alex almost choked on her chili laughing.

"Oh my gad am I on a roll today or what?"


	7. Chapter 7

7

Black Friday at Popi had been rough; with their holiday themed scents, they were swamped this year far more than they had been in the past. Piper hadn't remembered it being so busy in past seasons without time for a break, and in the middle of this particular day, she regretted brainstorming on ways to increase profits for the holiday season.

She came home late that day, following multiple text messages from Alex asking if she was alright and if she was on her way home.

"It was intense today. Polly had me sit for the majority of the day but even then, it was just customer after customer after customer. We brought in a lot of revenue though," she sat at the dining room table telling about her day.

She tried straightening her back to ease the soreness at the base, but felt no relief. She was glad Alex hadn't been able to see her face as she flitted about the kitchen. She scrunched her face and scooted to the edge of the chair letting her knees dip down stretching out the muscles and ligaments that attached her uterus to her groin but that caused a shooting pain and she immediately sat back. Alex brought in a tall glass of water and set it down on the table before returning to the kitchen. Piper gulped it down and conversed with Alex about the details of her day. She tried to lean back again fifteen minutes later, but it was useless; every time she moved, the pain would repeat. She went to their bedroom and changed into a t-shirt and shorts. She felt hot and turned the AC onto 64 degrees.

"It's freezing in here Pipes! Why is the air on?"

"I'm so hot Al, I'm sorry, is it really that cold? It feels so much better like this."

Alex spazzily jogged in place before heading to their bedroom to put thick socks and sweats over her leggings and long sleeved shirt. She came back to the table and proceeded to try to have a normal conversation despite the fact that she and her wife looked like they belonged on different continents.

After a late dinner they went off to bed. Alex wrapped herself in their comforter like a burrito, while Piper lay completely uncovered on her side. Shortly after she could hear Alex breathing deeply, fast asleep. She was pretty sure she could toss and turn and not arouse the brunette but she didn't want to risk it so she sat up slowly. She adjusted her weight on the bed, letting her legs hang off the side for a minute before pushing herself off the bed and closing the bedroom door behind her. Her back ached, and she had cramping pain in her lower abdomen. It was hard to stay still so she tried changing positions a few times on the couch, until she found a comfortable one lying on her side. She nods off to sleep to be awoken 20 minutes later by the gnawing pain in her body. She breathes through the pain and lets out a soft whimper. She feels like she needs to pee, but she can't get up. Just the thought of getting up, makes the pain return again. It goes away for another solid twenty minutes so she gets to the bathroom and pees the smallest amount. She flushes the toilet and Alex opens her eyes at the noise, but drifts back off to sleep. She slowly makes her way back to the couch and tries to find comfort in the position she relaxed in before. Alex reaches out in their bed to find empty space and gets up to find the bathroom empty and Piper lying curled up on the couch.

"Pipes?," she comes over to her more quickly, "babe what's wrong?"

Piper raises a hand to her, implying that she needs a minute before she speaks, "I think I'm having contractions."

Alex blinks furiously and tries to remain calm, "for how long? Should I take you to the hospital?"

"I think they're just those early contractions, the Braxton Hicks ones." She feels another pain and starts breathing more heavily.

"But how do you know?"

Piper raises her hand again, "I," she breathes, "don't." She adjusts her position to the other side, facing the inside of the couch, her back to Alex. "I've had them on and off since I left work."

"Piper, I really think we should go to the hospital."

"I really don't want to go," she whimpers out fighting tears.

She re-adjusts her glasses, and slips a loose strand of dark hair behind her ear. "Okay, but what about the hotline number at the hospital? I can call that at least."

"Yeah...okay," she breathes out and nods into the couch.

Alex snatched the card off the refrigerator and called the number.

"Labor and delivery hotline, how can I help you?"

"Hi, my wife has been having pain all night, she thinks they're contractions but she isn't sure."

"Okay, is your wife able to talk through them?," Alex put the phone on speaker. "She asked if you could talk through the pain."

"Yeah, I can, some of them." "Ok good, what's your name?" "Piper Chapman."

"Hold on just a second, let me just pull up your chart here. Ok Piper, and how many weeks are you?"

"32, this is my first baby, I don't know what I'm feeling exactly." "Where does the pain start?"

"It starts in my lower back, but my lower back always hurts so I don't know if it's related or not, it just hurts more now and it moves to the front and the whole front gets really tight."

"Can you tell me how often you're getting the pain?"

"It's not in any pattern...," she's forced the move the phone away from her face for about 30 seconds or so and then completes her sentence, "it's not in any pattern, its maybe 2 or 3 times in one hour, I don't know."

"Okay and do you feel your baby moving around?"

Piper maternally rested her hand on her belly, having been preoccupied with her own pain she hadn't paid attention. Alex bit her lip and dragged her teeth inward.

"Yeah, my baby is moving around like normal."

"That's great, any bleeding or leaking fluid? Any pain or discomfort when you try to urinate?" "No, not at all."

"Do you notice if it's worse or more often when you move around or lie down?"

"No, I'm not sure."

"Alright well that's good news and bad news. Bad news is it sounds like contractions. Good news is the pain doesn't seem to be close enough to be preterm labor. It sounds like Braxton Hicks contractions, but the only way I could tell you for sure is if you come in. I know it's late so try drinking lots of water throughout the next hour or so and try lie still and rest. Try not to move around too much. If its preterm labor those pains will keep coming regardless of how much you drink and rest, but if its Braxton Hicks they'll go away with some rest and hydration. The two things that cause most people to have early contractions are dehydration and urinary tract infections and it doesn't seem like you have one, most of us are chronically dehydrated anyway. I'm looking through your chart and you don't have risk factors for preterm labor so try drinking lots of water and rest. No matter what call me back in an hour, but if the pain starts coming every 10 minutes or 5 times in one hour, just come in, alright?"

"Okay," they both said in unison, "thank you so much" Alex continued.

"Not a problem, call me in an hour."

Alex looked over at Piper, "did you drink enough today?"

Piper shook her head "no" as a tear escaped from the corner of her eye and fell horizontally across the bridge of her nose and onto the couch.

Alex leaned over and kissed her temple. She got up toward the kitchen to get a glass of water for Piper. She wanted to punch the wall, she was so angry and sick to her stomach when she saw Piper in pain.

"I'm going to kill Polly, she's supposed to look out for you while you're at work," she spoke loudly.

"She did Al, she told me to go in the back to rest and eat. I just kept getting caught up with a new customer each time I would get up to rest in the back, she probably didn't notice I never really got a break," she tried defending her friend and tried taking responsibility for her own neglect. Her eyes burned with tears, her nose became congested as she sniffled in, she felt so guilty, this could've been prevented.

"Hey, shhh, shhh, drink this." She helped Piper sit up and brought the glass to her mouth to drink. She set the glass back on their coffee table, sat on the couch and propped the blonde wavy head onto her lap.

"I can't lay on my back, I can't breathe like this," she inhaled in a staggered fashion turning onto her side. Alex stuck a pillow between her lap and Pipers head and stroked her long hair back, wiping away her tears with her thumb. "Stop crying. You need to be calm and just rest, keep drinking the water."

She took a few more gulps of the water and rested her head back down, calming down.

"Why didn't you tell me you were feeling so bad? And your back always hurts? I could've helped you Piper." She brought the glass to her wife again, until she finished. She got up and refilled the glass and brought it back over to the couch.

"I didn't want to worry you about something, if it ended up going away on its own."

"I'm supposed to worry Piper! That's what I'm here for, to worry and take care of you, you're doing everything."

Piper drank the water quickly, convinced if she swallowed the water quickly, it would drown the tears that were working their way into her eyes again.

"I'm sorry, I should've told you."

"I should've known though too. Of course you're back hurts," she shook her head feeling so incredibly useless in that moment, "but you never said anything."

She sat on the edge of the table, while Piper finished the second glass of water, and brought her knee up to her chest removing her sock.

She brought the empty glass back into the kitchen. Piper heard the cabinet doors open and close and something that sounded like small rocks. She heard the beeping of the microwave, the opening of the refrigerator, the water pouring, the door of the fridge closing. Alex walked back in with a new glass of water with a straw hanging over the side and a weighted sock. She looped the loose end of the sock into a knot and told Piper to turn to her other side. The blonde turned into the couch and Alex pressed the sock against her lower back. Immediately the ache started to soothe, "what is that?"

"Warm uncooked rice." She held the sock against Piper's skin and massaged her hip with the other.

Piper leaned slightly over her shoulder, "your mom?"

Alex nodded. "She made them in the winter to keep my hands warm at night when the heat cut out. How does that feel?"

"Amazing. I've only had one more of those pains and it was like a joke compared to the others."

She stopped massaging her hip and put the glass in front of her holding the straw toward her mouth. Piper held the glass in place, and moved Alex's hand back to her hip. "It feels really good." Alex lowered her hand slightly, caressing Piper's bottom, until Piper swatted at her hand. Alex nuzzled next to it, nibbled it softly before rubbing it gently again teasingly. "I love it, sorry."

The hour passed and they checked in with the hospital letting them know things were resolving. They were told to keep their scheduled appointment for the following day but to come in if things picked up again.

Alex massaged the knots out of Piper's back for hours into the night, long after Piper fell asleep, she continued to knead the muscle and tissue that had been carrying the strain silently until today. She feared her wife would feel pain again if she moved her hands. She fell asleep on the side of the couch with her open palms against the now soothed flesh.

* * *

Piper was called into an exam room, and Alex accompanied her during their routine prenatal visit. Everything had gone smoothly thus far with the exception of the Braxton Hicks contractions from the prior night.

A midwife they had met with once before, Michelle, popped her head into the room, and asked if it was alright if a medical student came in just to take an updated version of her history and that she'd come in after to have their usual visit. Piper said it was fine and a few minutes later Dr. Haque, a student who looked about 25 came in with his short white jacket and a notepad.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Haque, I'm a medical student here, Ms. Chapman?"

"Yes?"

"How are you today? The midwife said it would be alright if I asked you a few questions and went over some things."

"Sure. I'm feeling fine, much better than yesterday."

"What happened yesterday?," he asked with concern.

"I was having some contractions last night but they went away after a few hours."

"None now though, right?"

"Nope, completely gone."

"And the baby is moving fine, no bleeding, no ruptured membranes?"

"What?"

"Broken water, do you think you broke your water?"

"Oh, no. And yes the baby is always moving fine, no bleeding."

"Alright well that sounds good. I'd like to send your urine out to test for bacteria, to rule out a urinary tract infection."

"That's fine if you think it's necessary, sure."

"I would really recommend it. And ok so you're about 32 weeks, have you thought about what you wanted to use for birth control once the baby is here?

Piper smiled, "excuse me?"

"Birth control, family planning? It's recommended that you space deliveries about 18 months apart to avoid complications. What methods have you used in the past?"

She turned towards Alex who looked like she was about to laugh so hard she was going to break a rib, "um being married to her has worked pretty well in the past?"

The student turned toward Alex and then back to Piper. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize, it's just one of the routine things we have to cover at this point. I thought she was a friend or another family member or something."

"It's ok, don't worry about it, but I think I'm covered in that department." The medical student thanked her for her time and walked out quickly.

Piper pushed her hip toward Alex, "stop it Alex," she stifled her laughter as Alex continued to desperately suppress her own hysterics.

The midwife returned with the student.

"Hello ladies." She came in with a much more casual tone. "You both look very happy today, everything going well?" They both just nodded, the medical student averted his eyes.

"Piper I'm just looking in your chart, you called last night about some contraction pain?"

"Yeah I guess it ended up being Braxton Hicks contractions because they went away after a while."

"She normally drinks water all throughout the day but she had a really busy day and didn't break to drink for almost the entire day."

"Yeah dehydration is extremely common for anyone but you're even more susceptible to it while you're pregnant, you should have time allotted for breaks. Do you need a letter for work emphasizing that?"

"I'm... I'm self employed," Piper responded embarrassingly. "I just need to be better about it."

"Eight glasses minimum. Any pain with urination or feeling like you have to go more often than normal?"

"Nope, same ole."

"Ha, well that's good. Same ole questions from me as well, baby's moving well, no leaking fluid or bleeding?"

"Baby dances, and nothing," she shook her head.

"Alright well Dr. Haque said he talked to you about getting a urine sample to check for any possibility of a urinary tract infection, though it's unlikely, we'd just like to rule it out. Is that alright?"

"Yes, it's fine, whatever you think is best."

"Okay, and I'd like to do a speculum exam and just look at your cervix and make sure it still looks closed and that those contractions didn't cause it to start opening just yet, ok?"

"Oh I hate that thing," she said as she eyed the metal instrument. The midwife handed her a paper drape.

"I know, no one likes it, but I'll be quick. Just undress from the waist down."

"Michelle, Dr. Haque had also mentioned," Alex looked at him teasingly, his face reddening instantly, "pregnancy spacing, as far as safety or risks about the space between two different pregnancies."

Piper turned her head toward Alex as she sat down on the table, and pulled the paper drape across her legs.

"Yes there are increased risks of problems when pregnancies occur too close together, like the placenta being in a bad spot or detaching too early, babies being born too soon, or growing too small, things like that." Alex nodded along absorbing all of the information

Piper's eyes widen as she continues to stare down Alex.

"Were you two planning on another one soon after this baby?"

Piper replied immediately, "well if we were I wasn't aware!"

"I was just asking," Alex raised her arms as if she was under arrest And made an expression so as to say do you see what I have to deal with?

The midwife helped Piper raise her shirt and felt around to figure out the baby's position. Her eyes furrowed slightly.

"Piper, where do you feel the baby move?"

"Everywhere, the baby literally moves all day, everywhere." As she said it and the midwife palpated deeper, she felt the baby move under her hands.

"An active baby just means it's healthy," she said with a smile. "Do you feel it more in one spot over others or not really?"

Piper thought about it for a moment, before reaching her hand over the lower part of her abdomen in the center and a little bit toward her left.

The midwife had a wide grip near her pubic bone and another grip by her ribs, but she squeezed her lower hand more firmly, "here?"

"Mmmhmmm."

"Do you know why?"

"No, is everything ok?"

"Yes, your baby's in a breech position right now. Most baby's will turn in time for delivery but there are some exercises and tricks I can give you more information about that you can do at home. When I see you next time in two weeks, I'll check the position again and see if it worked."

"Alright. So I shouldn't worry about anything?"

"Really most babies turn in an optimal position. I wouldn't worry."

"But what if...,"

"You always worry about the what if. If the baby doesn't turn, we can try to move it manually from the outside with our hands but not for another few weeks. And ultimately if that doesn't work, we would recommend cesarean delivery. But let's not get caught up in that now, I want you to be persistent about those exercises, trust your body and trust your baby alright?"

"Okay okay."

The midwife inserted the speculum and reassured her that her cervix appeared closed and gave her precautions as to why she should go to the hospital earlier than their next scheduled visit. As Piper dressed, Alex was handed the information sheets on breech presentation and methods to move a fetus into a head down position.

They arrived home, both feeling pretty tired from a relatively restless night. "Do you want dinner first or you want to try one of these things?," Alex asked her flipping through the pages.

"I can try something in there, let me just change at least." She slipped on a t shirt and loose shorts from the night before.

She heard screeching metal and followed the sound in the living room.

"Are you going to iron?," she asked the brunette looking at the ironing board propped in the living room. Alex tilted it so one end was on the couch and the other on the floor. She tossed a pillow toward the lower end, "you're supposed to lay on it."

"What? Seriously? How?"

"With your feet toward the couch and your head toward the floor."

"Oh lord, alright well don't go anywhere incase I need your help going back to right side up." Alex pushed her knees into the floor end of the board as Piper straddled it and laid back very slowly.

"I used to kick ass at yoga, now I feel like I'm going to fall off the side."

"I won't let you fall, I'm right here. It's pretty sturdy."

Alex moved another couch pillow on the floor and laid on her stomach, putting her head next to Piper. She flipped through the other pages.

"Is it bad that I'm kind of annoyed and jealous that you're able to lay down like that?"

"Sorry babe, I know you're not comfortable."

Piper raised her arms over her head allowing more space for her diaphragm and placed her interlocked fingers behind her head.

"It says if you can do this for 15 minutes, 2 or 3 times a day that it can help. It also says you can use music or an ice pack to encourage the baby change positions. Wanna try?"

"Sure, why not."

Alex gets onto her hands and knees before going over to her phone to pull up some music. They listen to a few songs, when Van Halen's "Jump" comes on.

"Oh this kid doesn't need any encouragement to jump, turn Mookie, turn."

"You know I was named after their drummer," Alex tells Piper.

"Whose? Van Halen? You never told me that."

"Yeah when my mom was following my dad's band around, his band would open for Van Halen, well they used to be called Mammoth. My mom said the drummer always treated her well, and when my dad left, she wanted to name me after someone who made her smile."

"That's nice. My mom was obsessed with Mozart's The Magic Flute when she was carrying me- flute, piper." She shrugged her shoulders. "Have you thought about any names for Mookie? I mean we could always just stick with Mookie, I'm kind of a fan of it now, ha."

"I think Mookie has enough on it's plate, right now, with it's plan to come into the world ass backwards and all. Let's not add to it."

Piper laughed out loud. "Ok so no names yet, I like the idea of naming the baby after something or someone versus just the name for the way it sounds. Are you supposed to be aiming this in a certain direction or something?, the blonde asks pointing to the phone.

"Yeah whatever direction you want the baby to move in, so..." she moves the phone down by Piper's crotch.

"C'mon Mookie this way." She holds the phone playing music right near Piper's pubic bone and continues to talk to their baby. After a few minutes, she instinctively begins stroking Piper's inner thigh, moving higher and higher.

"No way, I've already been assaulted once today, and I feel all gassy."

"Wow that's really hot Pipes, thanks."

She leans on her stomach once again, resting her wrist that holds her phone against Piper's lower abdomen. She catches Piper smiling the sweetest smile at her, her head tilted to the side, still propped on the ironing board. She holds her pointer finger up, leans back and takes a picture.


	8. Chapter 8

*There's a scene from Chapter 10 of my other fic, Caught in the Whirlwind, about Southeast Asia, referenced here

*Also a scene about cookie butter from chapter 14 from the same fic. Will try to mention cross references here.

*chapter 19 from the other story, references the photo

* * *

8

"Helloooo?," Alex called out a bit confused to see the lights on in the living room down the hall, with background noise from the television set, but no Piper.

"I'm in here," Piper called out from the living room.

The tall brunette glided down the pumpkin colored hallway adorned with dozens of photos from their past travels. Her footsteps became louder as her footing transitioned off of the runner from the hall into the entryway.

"Are you ok?," she called out, as she slipped the strap of her cross body backpack over her head and placed it in the basket under the mail table.

"Yep, just trying to work my magic."

She began to walk towards the living room but stopped herself mid-step.

"Shoes!," the blonde called out from the living room.

She retreated back towards the table and leaned her back against the wall, lifted her leg and unzipped her boot, followed by the other. She placed the boots beside their coat-rack, unbuttoned her jacket, unlooped her scarf from around her neck, and hung them both on the rack. She walked hurriedly towards the voice, her socked feet however provided no traction causing her to almost slip on the polished hardwood floor, but she regained her balance; she didn't remember it being so slippery.

She turned the corner of the living room and eyed an empty couch. Her eyes darted quickly when she found Piper on the floor on her elbows and knees, a pillow under her cheek, her ass in the air.

"Hey," she mumbled from the ground.

Alex inhaled slowly and brought a hand to her mouth, "are you fucking kidding me?"

"Are my plans of seduction working?," she laughs, "I'm innocently trying to get Mookie to turn, see?" she hands the papers to Alex and points to the dog-eared page with the "knee chest" illustration. "I crawled around all day scrubbing the floors and..."

"Yeah I almost busted my ass in the hall, thanks for the heads up!"

"You're extremely welcome for the clean floor, ungrateful,... and I'm supposed to stay like this for half an hour, I still have about 8 minutes."

"Yeah well if you stay in that position much longer, mmm," she drops down to her knees, "I'm about to do some not so innocent things to you."

"Oh my God Alex, are you serious?"

She stares voraciously at Piper, "yes."

"Al...I know that look. What are you thinking about?"

She kneels behind her and presses her hips towards Pipers bottom. "You were in this position that incredible night we did X on the beach in Southeast Asia."

"That was a long time ago."

"You were irresistible then and you're irresistible now," she raises her eyebrows and lets them fall quickly.

"I still have 7 minutes."

Alex thrusts her hips against the back of Piper's thighs teasing. "You can stay right where you are, no need to move that perfect little ass," she says squeezing both of her cheeks.

"My ass is not little Alex," she replied sounding slightly self-conscious and comes up onto her palms.

Alex pushes her head back down onto the pillow, "your body is gorgeous," she says as she leans over Piper's back and rubs her hands over the blonde's hips, "I love every inch of you," her hands continue along her torso and over her breasts, squeezing them firmly.

Piper inhales sharply at the touch. "It's hard to feel desirable when your body changes this rapidly." She tries to ignore the hands that tickle her sensitive places.

"Um, if I haven't made it clear how much I want you, please let me show you how sorry I am."

She traced her hands up Pipers legs and found the waistband to her leggings. She pulled them and her panties down to her knees encouraging Piper to lift each knee as she pulled them down past her feet. She laid her chest along Pipers back and returned her hands to the space on Piper's upper thighs right under her belly."

"Al," she whined, she squeezed her muscles together.

"Hey, it's just me, babe." She rubbed her skin firmly while she inhaled the scent of Pipers shampoo. She was still tense. "Let go," she whispered.

"Al," she whined again but relented at the seductive touch, "okay, but go slow.I've been in this position all day," she says arching her back like a cat.

"Then lie down, here," she helped Piper re-adjust to lie on her side. She lay in front of her mirroring her position and just stroked her skin. She kisses her deeply but slowly.

"Want a massage? Though I'm not promising where these hands will end up."

"Mmm, yes please."

She helps Piper lift her tunic over her head and discards it to the side. Piper leans up onto her elbow and Alex unhooks her bra and snakes it through her arm.

She gently massages the blonde from head to toe until she could hear her breathing turn into a mere hum. She grabbed a couch pillow and placed it between the blonde's knees. She stroked her fingers between her folds, her libido increasing as her touch was met with wetness.

Piper grunted in her throat, as Alex stroked her back and forth coating her fingers before slipping them inside. She barely moved her fingers as Piper pushed back into the curve of Alex's lap. Piper rocked her body against the smooth fingers as she felt Alex's breath against her back.

"Mmmm, I love the way you move baby, ride me." Piper continued to roll her hips and Alex moved with her. They rocked in unison and continued to make love on the blanket on their floor until they were both satisfied.

"I love you Pipes," she said as she leaned up to kiss her along her jaw and then again on her mouth. "And I love you Mookie," she kissed Piper's belly and rested her cheek there for a moment.

Piper turned around to face Alex, her wife's hand lingering to feel the baby moving. It took many encounters to get comfortable with the inconspicuous tiny participant, that was now always between them but she tried not to give it much thought anymore. She lifted her own hand and stroked her wife's hair back behind her ear and caressed her head. "Al? The other day when you were asking about pregnancy spacing, what made you ask?"

Alex averted her eyes and swallowed hard. She found Pipers eyes and shrugged her shoulders. "I just want to know what our options are."

"I don't know that I want two. Were you thinking that you wanted another one?"

"No idea Piper, really. Let me see how I can handle the one and we can revisit it later on."

Piper nodded, "Oh speaking of taking on more than we can handle, Polly and Pete have a wedding in a few weeks and kids aren't invited, she asked if we wanted to watch Finn for them."

"Yeah of course, why would that be too much?," asking as if this was no big deal.

"Well it's out of town, so it would be overnight," she said as she straightened Alex's glasses that were sliding off of her nose.

"Got it, but you'll be there right?"

"Yeah of course. But I might conveniently be busy for a few hours just to see what you do with him on your own."

Alex purses her lips and starts to bite the inside of her bottom lip, she nods slowly.

Piper presses her forehead against her wife, "I wouldn't do that to you. I'll be there the whole time. You'd be fine though, really."

Alex tilted her head back slightly, relieved. She loved Finn dearly and he was such a good boy, but the thought of being alone with him, to take care of him overnight and return him to Polly in one piece was somewhat daunting. She was really glad Piper was kidding.

"Alright lemme give her a call and let her know so she can send out the RSVP."

"K. Hey can I talk to her afterwards? Some people at work gave me verbal RSVP's for our shower, I just want to make sure she writes them down."

"Like who?"

"Oh you know just some of the guys, they're excited for us. You don't think it's going to be overly girly do you?"

"Well seeing as this is a Nicky-Polly collaboration, I decided to throw any preconceived notions out the door."

After speaking to Polly about their upcoming shower and confirming they'd be happy to watch Finn, she was told that she was way ahead of them regarding the shower. Alex took the phone and walked a few feet away when Piper went to get up, pulled on her tunic and followed her into the kitchen. Alex's eyes met her gaze and she made a shooing motion with her hand. Piper didn't pester her as she knew the two were up to something, she'd never get Alex to spill the beans. She looked through some cabinets for something to snack on when Alex got off the phone,

"What are you looking for?"

"I don't know... something, you know what I just had a craving for? I don't even know the name of it."

Alex bit her lip, curious. "Hmm?"

"That dip, it was kind of like Nutella, that you brought to the room for me when we were in Brussels. Remember I didn't eat for like two days, because I was convinced I was going to get caught while we stayed in that hotel room. You got scared that I was going to faint and went out into the street in the middle of the night looking for something that had sugar. It was so good, I dipped pretzels from the vending machine into that stuff and finished the whole jar. You went out and got me two more."

The brunette remained silent.

"Al?," the blonde nudged gently.

"I should've never let you do that run."

"Babe, please, I'm not getting into this with you. We've gone over this a thousand times. It's in the past, over and done."

The brunette remained silent, appearing lost in thought. "Babe?," the blonde nudged gently once again.

Hmmm?," Alex inquired with a frown.

"The spekuloos? Can you try to find some?"

"Yeah...," she replies in a daze. "Yes, yeah I'll go find some."

She had hit the rewind button on the disc of their past so many times trying to recall what gave her the confidence to take advantage of the girl who was so different from every other girl she'd known. She'd replayed the disc the moment the young blonde told her she couldn't be with her anymore, when she still had the drive to leave her after she'd learnt of her mother's passing, when she saw her in the cafeteria at Litchfield years later, and so many other times when she'd shown her kindness and patience when she didn't feel worthy.

Despite Piper's incessant insistence that she fully forgave her, the brunette always felt like a reprehensible black light emitted from deep within her, forever tarnished, inerasable.

She'd tried so hard to condone her wrongdoing, convincing herself that the girl was well informed and fully in control of her own actions but after years at her attempt of justification, her conscience that was buried deep within, grew upward and she knew she was wrong. The halves of her body battled hour after hour, day after day, year after year until the dark-side gained the upper hand and she no longer found pleasure in anything. She'd turned to heroin for an instantaneous, short-lived reprieve, only to restart the battle hours later; but it had served it's purpose in the moment, an escape from the swirling darkness, the loneliness associated with the abandonment from the one person who really taught her what it meant to be alive.

She took advantage of the girl's need to explore what the world had to offer, of the girls love, and her loyalty. Til this day, entire months would go by without a thought about the darker times of their relationship, but sometimes, even when recalling a more pleasant moment of their lives while they traveled, a stream of the dark smoke filtered into the memory and she just couldn't take it.

The beats of Britney's "Work Bitch" mashed with LMFAO's "Shot's" escaping from the door of the bar broke her out of her trance. The clinking of the glasses at the bar mixed with the smell of cigarettes in the frigid night air welcomed her.

"Can I bum one of those?" she asked a young guy leaning up against the red painted bricks of the bar. She held the cigarette between her lips, and cupped the lighter to protect the flame as she inhaled deeply. She slowly inhaled the nicotine until she was down to a stub before she stepped inside, unwrapped the scarf from around her neck and took a seat at the bar.

"Double Soco neat."

The bartender placed the drink in front of her "$10.00 sweetheart"; she nursed it slowly and rested her elbows on the bar. She cracked her knuckles and leaned her chin onto her fist. She slipped a hand into the pocket of her coat and pulled out her wallet. She unsnapped the metal and fished through the money compartment and pulled out the contents. Among the bills, was an old wrinkled photo of Piper looking over her shoulder. Alex had surprised her in that moment, so she wasn't smiling, and it wasn't staged. It was one of her favorites. She thumbed the photo and then searched through her wallet for her sonogram photo of her baby. Air pushed through her teeth as her eyes darted back and forth at the images, and she ran her hands through her hair. Her hands shook as she placed the money on the sticky wooden table. She exited the bar, slipped her hands into her pockets and started walking quickly down the sidewalk. The hot tears in her eyes met the cold air causing an unpleasant burn. She continuously removed her right hand from her pocket to wipe her nose, alternating between sniffing back the contents that tried to run from her nostrils. She pushed the door open to Trader Joe's, grabbed a basket and walked up and down the aisles until she found the cookie butter. She thoughtlessly placed half a dozen jars into the basket, and walked up to the counter to pay. The cashier peered at her cautiously, she appeared to have a mental disorder, appearing distressed and disheveled, but she paid and bolted out the door. She walked the mile back to their apartment regaining more composure with each block that she left behind her.

She gathers her keys and is about to unlock the door when she hears music. She presses her ear to the crack in the door and listens, she can hear her singing. She can't quite make out the tune from behind the door but she hears Piper's voice intertwined with the artist. She unlocks the door, undresses down to her shirt, jeans and socks and walks, carefully this time, over the hardwood to find Piper with her eyes closed, slouching on the couch singing her heart out to"At the Ballet" from one of her favorite shows, A Chorus Line. Piper sings when she's happy, when she needs to relieve stress, to put others in a good mood. Her sound is always melodic.

Alex melts to her knees beside her, "I adore you," she says startling the blonde. She kisses down the length of her arm, "and no matter what you say, a part of me will always feel like I don't deserve you." Piper could smell the liquor and cigarettes on her mouth, but the anguish on her face killed her. "I'm so sorry," the brunette choked out. Piper brushed her fingers through the frostbitten hat hair that lay beside her arm. She didn't need to clarify, she'd heard the apology many times before; the brunette was still occasionally ruthless just now toward herself.

"Your voice is beautiful. I wish that I could make you feel the way, you make me feel when you sing. Our baby will be so lucky to have you."

She curls her arm around the brunette and pulls her close. "Babies don't judge Alex," she continues to stroke her fingers through the dark strands, "and I try not to either. Our love is too strong to keep a record of all our faults. You sing whatever is on your mind, it doesn't have to rhyme or make sense, we'll both hear it."

Alex reaches into the bag, opens a jar of the Spekuloos and hands it to Piper. She begins reading, her voice begins to calm. They both have their relapse of times they feel should be unforgiven but find solace in each other's voice, they cling to each other in a tight grip, each time moving further away from a misunderstood past.


	9. Chapter 9

9

"Can you please not fight me on this? What is the big freaking deal Piper?," the tall brunette questioned, pacing back and forth throughout the living room.

"It's just not necessary, when I can walk a few blocks and take the subway." Piper was resting on the couch with one leg bent underneath her.

"I'd just really you rather not. I have no problem leaving early to drop you off and pick you up or you can take the car yourself."

"Alex it's a 20 minute commute, you're being ridiculous."

"You're being ridiculous! Look, if you want to endanger yourself and walk through the subway at night by yourself, go, do, be ridiculous, but that's my cargo too and I'd feel better if you were in the car."

The fire in the brunette could drive her crazy but she also secretly loved how protective she was. She fought the urge to smile and bit her lip hard to look frustrated. She decided to continue the persiflage.

"Endanger myself? Alex I get out at 6pm every day."

"It's dark out."

"I'll bring a flashlight."

"And it's getting cold and icy."

"I'll wear a hat."

Alex threw her arms up and walked away. Piper scrunched her face, and laughed silently. She heard the opening and closing of drawers and Alex's heavy, frustrated steps down the hall.

It took two attempts to get off the couch, but she managed, and went to look for her. She found her drawing pencil marks on the walls, bent on one knee, taking measurements in the nursery that was still coming together.

"Hey, you don't have to worry about me so much is all."

"I'm not worried, why don't you go stick some firecrackers up your ass and light them?, see if I care."

The blonde rubbed her hands up and down Alex's arms, "c'mon babe, what happened to my bad ass, thrill seeking, spur of the moment, hot blooded Alex?"

The brunette whipped her head over her shoulder, "she got married and decided to have babies with you." She turned her head back over her shoulder and stuck her pencil behind her ear. "And fuck off, I'm still spontaneous."

"You are." She dragged her nails through the dark hair and styled it, then let it loose and repeated the motions. "I love that we still pop into the Angelika to catch indie flicks at the last minute when we have work the next day, or explore new cake shops to sample desserts when we just had intentions of going for a walk."

"My ideas of spontaneity are just more obscure now."

"Hey you don't have to try to justify yourself. My life is by no means boring. We can't just get up and go around the world like we used to, we grew up, we have different priorities." She leaned over Alex, her long blonde hair masking over the brunettes face and she teased her lip with her finger. "But believe me you still keep me on my toes."

She moved Pipers hand back to her hair, she loved to feel her caress, Piper relented and continued to play with the straight dark locks.

"I'll tell you what, let me still get myself to work in the morning and you can pick me up every day. Whenever the weather is bad you can drop me off and pick me up alright?"

"Yeah, whatever Ms. Independent."

* * *

"Head down! Nice work, did you feel it when the baby turned?"

"Yeah, I think it was sideways for a full day. I felt all the kicks on this side here, and there was a big bump here and I felt like I had all this space, like I could breathe again, but then when I woke up the bump was gone and now I'm pretty sure there is a foot under my rib."

She palpates the fetal back, and traces her hands up until she feels small parts, "Yep, definitely a foot right there. Your body and your baby know what they're doing. Once they're head down, they usually stay down since the head is the heaviest part."

Alex sits a few feet away and is eye level with the table.

She palpates more, "and this kiddo feels to be about 4, 4 and half pounds, which is great, and very active as usual."

Alex can see Mookie moving under Pipers skin, showing off. "All day and all night, I feel like she doesn't get a break", she laughs.

"It's a small price to pay, as long as this kid is in a good position, it can do whatever it wants."

She scans over her chart, "alright and your weight, blood pressure, urine everything looks great today." She hands them a flyer, "here's the information for childbirth education classes. It's a few hours split into 2 different classes, I recommend you both go because they'll cover techniques to work through labor and a lot of it are things partners can do to ease the pain. They cover true versus false labor, when's a good time to head to the hospital, pain medication options, common interventions that you might need, baby care, breastfeeding; most people find it very helpful."

Alex lowered her lip and nervously smiled out the side of her mouth, "oh man," she brushed her hands over her cheeks and wrapped them around the back of her neck.

The midwife patted her knee, "you'll be fine, I'll see you girls in two weeks, same precautions as always..." she went through her usual words of wisdom and they headed out.

They got in their car and started driving, "getting closerrrrrr," Piper teased Alex who was visibly still uneasy.

"I think I need that class more than you do," she laughed nervously. "You're not nervous at all?"

"Yeah I am! But what goes in, has to come out right? People have been doing this for billions of years. Some women work until the day they deliver, walking through fields, squat down, have their kid and continue working, I can do it."

"Okay, Laura Ingalls Wilder."

Piper shoved her shoulder, "thanks for the vote of confidence," she paused and looked out the window, "but like she said I just have to trust my body."

"I'm just giving you a hard time, you're gonna do great. I'm glad Mookie is in a good position, it's really cool that she can figure that out with her hands." Alex truly believed what she said about Piper doing well, but continued to doubt how she'd manage to keep herself together for her.

They parked their car on the street after circling for 20 minutes. They hit their produce stand and bought some ingredients to make eggplant parmigiana and after Alex's insistence, a batch of homemade marinara.

"My hero," the blonde retorted sarcastically when Alex started walking out of the market holding all of the grocery bags. She set the bags down before she exits, pulled out an eggplant and handed it to Piper, "here" and proceeded to re-lift all the bags and continued walking.

They got upstairs and got to work on cooking. "So what exactly do I do here?," Piper asked Alex waving her hands over the ingredients that were spread out over the counter.

"Just cut all the tomatoes in half, put them on the baking sheet and stick it in the oven."

Piper followed her instructions and 20 minutes later removed them, let them cool and she put them in a large bowl. "Now just squish them up."

She grabbed a long wooden spoon. "Not with that."

"With what then?"

"Your hands, like this...," she stood behind Piper and slipped her hands over the blonde and immersed them into the tomatoes, and squished them between their hands.

"This is kind of gross, and kind of relaxing."

She quit squeezing after the first ten tomatoes resembled salsa and sat at the kitchen bar, and watched Alex work her way around the kitchen.

"Why'd you want to make this for tomorrow?"

"Because I know you like it, and I wanted you to have it for the shower."

"It's your shower too babe, I want you to relax and have a good time, not worry about feeding people." Alex couldn't help but think of her mother; how many times had she told her mother to relax and let other people handle catering. "Polly and Nicky have it under control, I'm sure there'll be plenty of food."

"It's no trouble really," she holds a fork out towards Piper with all the ingredients, before she starts layering, "for my love," she winks and flashes her a cheesy smile and feeds Piper a forkful.

"Mmmm'sooo good, I had no idea how much work went into this every time you made it."

"Food is love my dear. It tastes the best when the entire dish is made from scratch. Let me finish up in here."

Piper went through their closet and picked out her clothes for the next day. She was excited but also nervous to have their family and friends from different walks of life in the same room, the same feeling she had when she planned their wedding reception.

Piper relaxed on the couch and flipped through some channels while Alex finished up. She groggily got down on the floor and rested her head near Piper's.

"Al, come up here don't sit on the floor."

"There's no room, you look so comfortable, it's fine."

"I'll make room, come." She pushed herself back, and Alex slipped a pillow behind her shoulder blades. The brunette squished into the space between the couch and Piper and laid on her side, she slid her bent knees underneath Piper's bent legs and rested her head on her chest. She dazedly caressed the brunette beneath her ear and along her neck, while she studied her wife's delicate eyelashes, the lines on her face, the softness of her cheeks, the perfection of her lips.

"How could you ever wonder if I know how much you love me?" she whispered.

"Hmmm?," Alex sleepily breathed out.

"Every day," she kissed the brunette on her temple and thought to herself, "you show me every day."

* * *

Piper woke up the next morning on the couch, the same couch she'd fallen asleep and woken up on during different phases of her life over the last 15 years, it was well broken in, everyone who hung out at their place always said they could fall asleep on that couch. She stretched out and let her legs come over to the side. She felt Alex's body beneath her feet. She laid back down, hung her head off the side of the couch, and rubbed the brunette on the tip of her nose.

"Good morning Starshine," she sang softly, "the earth says hello."

"Too early for show tunes Piper," she grumbled.

"Gliddy glub gloopy, nibby nabby noopy, la la la lo lo."

"You'd fit right into that cast of flower children," she said she stretched her long limbs like a feline.

"C'mon baby get up."

Alex grumpily wrinkled her eyebrows and tilted her head far back, taking note of the cerulean blue sky. "What time is it?"

"A little after 8, c'mon it's not that..." she felt Piper stroke her breasts rolling her nipple back and forth, "hard."

"Mmm, you're such a dragoon."

"It's shoooooower day."

"Shit," she shot up, and put her glasses on her face, "you gotta get up, c'mon," she scurried up and out of the room, leaving Piper frozen in place.

"C'mon Pipes, Polly is going to be here any minute," she yelled from another room.

"What? Why is Polly coming here?"

"Because she's going with you to a spa. I booked sessions for you, they'll take care of you all morning."

"Al seriously? I'm not even dressed!"

"You don't have to, just bring your clothes. They'll do your hair, a body scrub, massage, your nails, you just have to sit there, you don't have to do anything."

Piper looked at her with puppy eyes, "why are you so good to me?"

"Because you're my Pipes." She leant over her on the couch and kissed her lovingly. "Really, up." She helped Piper pack a small bag with her shoes and makeup for later. Piper stood in front of their bureau, and finger brushed her hair before tying it up.

"Maybe they can take off a few inches."

"Don't cut your hair."

"What? Why not? The ends are all dead."

"You cant cut it, it's bad luck," she said seriously.

"Alex, no it's not. It's dangerous to dye it in the early part of pregnancy, but you can cut it, I'm sure of it."

She shook her head from side to side, "I remember hearing it in Istanbul, if you cut it, you could shorten the life of your baby."

"Oh, that's only slightly morbid! But I'm sure it's just an old wives tale, Alex."

She looked back at the blonde with pleading eyes. Polly called and said she was downstairs.

Piper shook her head and rolled her eyes, "I'll see you later. Wait, are you meeting me at Polly's or what?"

"Yeah i'll meet you there, have a good time."

Alex called Nicky who confirmed she was already running around with Polly's list picking up decorations, cupcakes, and various other things they needed. She hung up and called a friend from work.

Piper called out, "hellooo," as she walked into Polly's feeling refreshed. "Pippy! Look what Ayix gave me!," he ran over holding a little cupcake.

"Oh did she, you better hurry up and eat that before your mom walks in, go!," he scampered off behind the swinging door of the kitchen.

Alex came out wearing a light purple fitted cocktail length chiffon dress, she tucked her hair behind her ear. Piper still had her coat on, and her scarf wrapped around her neck. Alex hurriedly walked over to her, and reached up for her scarf. Piper put both of her hands around her wrists, "um, hello you look beautiful, are you kidding me with this dress?"

Alex kissed her hello, and Piper felt her hands move behind her head, but then felt her quickly unwrap the scarf. Piper dropped her arms to her side, submissively as Alex pulled the collar of her coat away from her neck to look at the blonde tresses trapped underneath.

"Are you done?," Piper asked as she undid her coat and removed it from her shoulders releasing her naturally beachy curls that were the exact same length.

Alex tugged gently at the base of her hair, "I thought you said it was just a superstition?" Alex looked her up and down, admiring her in her flowy full length teal colored dress.

"It is, but I'm not going to be the person who challenges it. What?"

"You just look really pretty."

Alex held the ends of hair that fell down Piper's chest and moved her hands like a double dutch rope.

"Stop, you're going to embarrass me," she brushed the brunettes hands away from her hair. "Come, Polly's gonna blow a vein if she knows Finn had a cupcake before lunch." She pulled her along the imaginary trail that Finn left behind, "let's go make sure the evidence is off his face before he blows your cover."

They stepped into the kitchen and Piper was taken aback by the overwhelming amount of food and aromas. Pete was wiping off Finn's hands and face, when the boy excitedly claimed Pipers hand and dragged her out towards the living room and den to show her the set up.

Multicolored balloons, fresh flowers and decorations were strewn throughout the room. There was a table set up for food, desserts and plates, another for presents which already had two, what looked like a craft table, a table with a decorative tree, and another with essentials needed for what looked like some interesting games.

Piper turned towards Alex, "this looks awesome." "It's all Nicky and Polly, I just got here."

Nicky came up from the basement carrying a round galvanized bin, "hey Chapman you blinked, Vause wins." Alex chuckled at her friend.

"Can you help me with this? I have to fill it with water."

"Water?"

"Hey, the hell do I know? I just follow orders."

Alex went to help Nicky with the bucket while Piper helped Polly with some last minute touches as guests started arriving.

Some friends from college and two of Alex's cousins were the first to arrive followed by Piper's parents and Cal.

"Cal you came?," she kissed him hello. "Yeah I wouldn't miss a shower for Alex's baby." She smiled widely.

"Hey Cal," Alex came over and hugged him around his gift. "This is the official gift," he said handing Alex a big box, "and this is to open while our parents aren't standing 2 feet away from us," he handed Piper a small squishy gift.

"Okay, should I go put this in the back?" Piper asked warily. "It's just a gag gift, it's funny, yeah go put it in the back."

More and more people streamed in, mutual friends, Alex's colleagues from work, some friends from Litchfield; it was an eclectic group.

"Hey you clean up nice!," one of Alex's colleagues said to her as they stood around mingling and introducing their friends and family to one another.

Polly took the reins and dove right into the games; she handed everyone a little clothespin and told them to attach it to their clothes, if someone heard you say "baby," they got to take it away from you and whoever had the most at the end would win.

They played baby food sampling games, broke into pairs and raced to see who could feed their blind folded partner a whole jar, timed Alex and Piper to see who could pack a diaper bag properly in 30 seconds and others.

Nicky opened a bunch of rubber nipples and started plunking them in the water bin, and Polly called the guys up to see who could bob for the most nipples. After a less then thrilling attempt, Nicky called over the girls and said, "let's show the guys how it's done."

Alex looked over at Piper's parents who just looked slightly embarrassed but laughed along, it could've been worse, it was Nicky after all.

People scattered around the room to have more food and chatted while Polly encouraged people to grab a plain white onesie and asked them to decorate near the craft table they'd set up. People got really into decorating and Nicky had fun holding each one up for display as she read her favorites out loud, "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner, Poop-There it is, on Wednesday's we Wear Pink, I love my Mommies." Everyone awed at the last one and they gathered around to open presents. Polly passed around little cards for people to write well wishes, parenting advice or childhood memories that they were fond of that they'd want to pass on to the moms to be. She hung their wishes and words of advice onto the tree displayed in the corner.

By the end of the shower they were exhausted but thanked everyone profusely for coming to celebrate in their excitement. Piper went to the back to get Cal's gift as their parents went outside to warm up the car, as he waited with his coat on, she brought it out and sat near Alex to open it. She pealed back the paper and held up a bright orange onesie that said, "I just did 9 months on the inside."

"Love you guys!," he shouted and he hurried toward the door as Alex rolled on the couch cackling. The girls loaded up their car with as much as they could, promising to come back the next day for the rest of their gifts, everyone had been so generous. They made their way home and up to their apartment after unloading everything from the elevator, they closed the door behind them and looked at the cluttered entryway filled with baby stuff.

"Would you look at all this? It's overwhelming but I feel so blessed Al."

She took her hand, "come, there's one more thing." She pulled her down their hallway and opened the door to the nursery and turned on the light.

Piper brought her hands to her mouth, she was so surprised, she felt her body heat start to rise and lost control of the muscles in her face and cried tears of happiness.

"This is beautiful, when did you do this?"

In the corner of their baby's room was a new wooden tree built into the wall, with a small library of children's books nestled on the branches. A gliding rocking chair rested below the tree with a canopy of warm colored fabric.

"It's a book nook, I built it at work. The guys helped me put it in this morning when you were out with Polly."

Piper stepped closer to eye the reading material, "there's so many great books here."

"I looked up the 100 best children's books, they're all there. There's so many that I haven't read myself."

"I love it, it's perfect, think of all the 'Once upon a time's!'"


	10. Chapter 10

*end of chap references Whirlwind chapter 6

* * *

10

The chairs were set up in a circle, a television stand stood lone off to the side, there were models of pelvises and babies, a table with cheese, crackers and fruit, and the sounds of voices in various octaves chattering amongst each other. The instructor encouraged everyone to take a seat and had each person or couple introduce themselves, tell how many weeks along they were, the gender of their child and what they were hoping to get out of the class.

They went around the circle, some women were married, partnered, single and came alone, or single and brought a friend or family member. Alex initially remembered feeling somewhat anxious, hoping to not be the token unique couple, all worries quickly subsided.

"Hi, my name's Piper, I'm 36 weeks, we don't know what we're having yet but they ensured us it was human, and I'm hoping to get some more information on how to get through labor as naturally as possible." She straightened her back and turned her head toward Alex.

The brunette exhaled, adjusted her glasses, and crossed one leg over the other. "I'm Alex, I'm with her," she pointed her thumb at Piper, "and I'm hoping someone wants to volunteer to be me when she goes into labor?" Piper smiled with her tongue in her cheek, "or I hope to learn some techniques to coach her through all of this."

The circle continued and they heard similar goals from all the participants.

"Alright so we're going to jump right into this, we're going to start and end each class watching a birth so you become familiar with the sights and sounds. Has anyone ever seen a delivery?" Some people raised their hands, most people didn't, some looked very excited, others looked terrified; Piper was among the former, Alex was among the latter.

"Is this lady serious?," Alex spoke through gritted teeth. "Pipes I'm already dreading being in the room for our kid, I have to watch other people do this four times?"

"It'll be good though, I don't want you passing out on me!"

The video played, the people in the film were clearly from the 70's with Charlie's Angel's flipped hairstyles and large glasses. As this lady started pushing, Alex was surprised at how quiet she was until the head in the video became visible and she started yelling. As the head came out, Piper looked at Alex out of the corner of her eye, the brunette had 2 fingers from each hand pressed against her jaw as her mouth dropped open and opened wider and wider. She pushed her neck back into her chair, she curled her lips and whispered "yowch."

Piper looked back at the screen, this person was stretched to an inhumane capacity, and the baby delivered soon after. She turned to Alex and mouthed, "fuck."

Alex didn't even blink.

The instructor turned the lights back on, the room was filled with nervous chatter, "how am I going to do this? I'm getting a c-section, I changed my mind, I can't do that." The instructor settled the group down, and let everyone voice their thoughts.

Alex looked around the room and listened to everyone freak out about everything under the sun, including rumors and myths they'd heard about from friends and family, things they'd encountered throughout their experience thus far and what things they were still finding challenging.

"This is kind of like N.A.," she whispered to Piper.

"Yeah it's like a support group. No matter how many times they reassure you what you're feeling is normal, it's kind of nice to hear other people say they've felt the same stuff."

The instructor reviewed contraction timing, signs of early labor, when to stay home versus when to go to the hospital. They spent a lot of time working through position changes and methods to relieve pain to try to stay home during early labor. They watched the second birth video and this one had more of a car wreck effect; they both watched through the whole video without looking away, regardless of the fact that it made them uneasy.

"That is no piece of pie, but we'll be okay," Alex said as they stood up and got their coats on.

"I just have to keep reminding myself that this is a normal process of life."

"Do you think you would want Polly to be there?"

"I don't know, I remember being told that she went to the hospital after the first contraction. I don't want to be in the hospital forever, I'd rather be home for most of it, I'd have to talk to her."

She talked to Polly but the conversation got derailed to them watching Finn that upcoming weekend. Finn wanted to go to Piper and Alex's apartment despite Polly explaining that all his toys and movies were in their house.

Polly: "You're positive Alex will be up to it? He's got a lot of energy Pipes."

Piper: "I'm putting you on speaker."

Polly: "Hey Al, yeah he's running around here like I gave him 30 packets of sugar, you guys sure you'll be up to taking him overnight?"

Alex: "We're ready Pol, we'll be cool."

Piper: "Yeah, and I need something to distract me from my never-ending countdown, I'm over the whole miracle of this experience. My feet look like sausages."

Polly continued chatting about something's that she thought might be good to know. Alex stood by their kitchen counter filling dixie cups with water and mini fossil replicas.

"What are those?" Piper mouthed to her looking over the little book about dinosaur facts.

"Fake fossils," she whispered, as she continued to plunk in the fossils, "I found it on St. Mark's the other night."

"Nerd," she whispered.

Piper: "Alex got him some dinosaur thing she'd thought he'd like."

Polly: "Sounds good. Alright guys, he's super wound up and excited I need to get him to bed. We'll see you around noon on Saturday."

Saturday morning rolled around, they sat on opposite ends of the couch. Alex massaged Pipers feet while Piper scrolled through some baby name websites, plugging names into a name genie.

"Ugh these are all awful. Serenity? Heaven? Destiny? Why would you do that to your child?"

"I think those border along child abuse." Alex squeezed her foot a little too rough.

"Ahh!," she pulled her foot back slightly, glancing at her toes.

"Shit, sorry."

"S'okay. Ew, my toes look so gross!"

"They don't, here, scoot over this way." Alex got up and returned with a bottle of polish and sat on the floor near the couch. Piper sat back and draped her legs over Alex's shoulders letting her paint her toenails.

"Alright continue, what other names catch your eye."

Piper put the phone down, "you haven't thought of anything?"

"Nothing that really sticks. I don't want to pick something stupid, the kid is going to be stuck with this name forever."

"I still like the idea of a name that's inspired by someone or something that's meant something to us."

She looked over her shoulder, "so are Taystee and Poussey on the table?" "HAHA, no!"

They rattled off dozens of names, nothing was right.

"All done." Alex pushed herself off the floor and placed the bottle on the table. She gave Piper a piece of paper and pen, "we're gonna get this done, write these down." She walked over to their bookshelf and browsed their books.

Ok we've got "Steinbeck, James Joyce, Gillian Flynn, Fitzgerald, Orwell, Emerson, Tolstoy, Faulkner, Jodi Picoult, Twain, Toni Morrison, Dan Brown, Homer," she laughed and made gangster arms,

"Homey... no?"

Piper glared up at her and shook her head, "no."

She crouched down, "Alice Walker, Virginia Woolf, Rowling, the Bronte's, Harper Lee, Jane Austen."

Piper looked over the list and bit the tip of the pen,"those are all so much better. That freaking online name genie sucks." She glanced over their list again, "that's good for now, at least we have something to work with."

The bell on their intercom rang quickly 6 times, "and I think Finn is here."

Piper met Polly and Finn at the door.

"Hi Pippy," Finn said half hiding behind Polly.

Polly squatted down next to him, "listen to me, you be good, listen to Pippy and Alex. Be gentle with Pippy okay?"

"You have our permission to punish him if he doesn't listen well," Polly said to Piper peering at her son from the corner of her eye.

He moved over to Piper and hugged her leg softly, Piper reached her arm down and caressed his hair. Polly stood up and moved his bags past the doorway of the apartment.

"We really appreciate this, call me if anything and do not have that baby before I get back."

"That's not even close to being funny Pol."

"Shoes off kiddo, gimme a kiss, be good," she said smoothing his hair.

"Bye Pol," she shut the door as Alex came into the hallway.

"Ayiiiiiiiiiiix," he ran down the hall as Alex crouched down just in time to be knocked over into a huge hug.

"Hey Finnster!," she pulled them upright and he sat on her lap.

"What aw we gonna do?" he asked tracing her necklace.

"I don't know dude, what did you bring?"

He took the backpack from Piper, set it on the ground and opened the bag wide revealing some toys, a coloring book, markers, and 2 DVDs. He pulled out 'The Land Before Time.'

"Can we watch this?"

"Yeah buddy of course, oh look what I got us," she scooped him up while he held the dvd and walked into the kitchen. Piper looked down at the backpack and thought to herself, and so it begins.

Alex passed 1 of the frozen cups to Finn from the freezer and took one herself and headed into the living room. She set him down on the floor, "give Pippy the movie, let me get the rest of the cups." Piper put the dvd on while Alex returned with a dozen dixie cups on a tray, hot water and some tools to break the ice. Piper sat on the couch watching her wife and godson lying on the floor as they chopped through the melting ice cups. Each time they freed a fossil, they found it in the book and went over all sorts of facts about each dinosaur.

"Yep that one matches up, great job Finn, it's a Pteranodon."

"Ter-na-nan-a-don?"

Alex laughed, "no Pteranodon, it's a hard one, they had big wings like this," she spread her arms all the way open, "and flew like birds."

Finn ran around the room with his arms outstretched until he tired himself out. "Pippy, I'm hungwy."

"Let's go see what we have." The three of them walked into the kitchen, Piper looked through their fridge and named what they had.

"What do you want to eat baby?"

"Mac and cheese."

"Of course you do, alright buddy we gotta go get some."

"I can just make it Pipes." She pulled a block of cheese from the refrigerator and took down a box of pasta from the cupboard. Piper stood with her arms crossed and leaned up against the wall.

"I like the kind in the blue box," he said coming up onto his toes.

"Finn that's not even real mac and cheese. I can make you a delicious one with these," she said holding the box of pasta in one hand the brick of cheese in the other.

He shook his head from side to side, no.

"Finn...," she started to reason with him, as he looked down at the floor and continued to shake his head.

She put her hand on her hip about to fight his defiance, "I can't believe Polly even lets him eat that crap."

"Please it kills her soul, don't even get me started," she said aloud before leaning over towards Alex and whispered, "don't say crap." Alex gritted her teeth and glared at her.

Finn stood beside Alex with his arms wrapped around himself rocking back and forth from his toes to his heals.

She looked down at him feeling somewhat defeated and couldn't fight him, she sighed, "c'mon kid, go put your coat on."

He ran down the hall and put on his coat and shoes. Alex bent down to tie his laces, and he hugged her around the neck, not letting go as she stood up. She stood him up on the mail table and got herself dressed. Piper laughed to herself while she put on her clothes, she looked at Alex and mouthed, "sucker!"

Alex bent down a little and helped hoist him onto her shoulders. "You're really tall Ayix."

"I've been told bud."

"Alex, please don't smack his head on the doorways."

"When I say 'duck', duck, okay kid?"

"Yup."

They walked down the sidewalk through the wintery cool air, Finn was hunched over resting his chest on the back of Alex's head with his hands clasped under her chin until his legs shot out straight in front of him almost kicking Alex in the face, "Pizza!"

"What the f-, iddlesticks kid?"

He pointed over at the pizzeria.

"I thought you wanted mac and cheese?"

"Pizzzzza."

She looked over at Piper who just shrugged her shoulders. She pivoted toward the pizzeria, and opened the door, "duck."

"1, 2, 3," she hopped a little and lifted Finn off her shoulders and sat him down in a booth with Piper. "Should I just get a small pie?"

"Yeah just a plain, he's not going to eat it if it has vegetables or anything on it." "Of course he won't."

They sat around the table until the pizza came. After it cooled off Finn picked up a slice with both hands, the tip of the slice wilted down. He bent his mouth underneath it getting sauce on the corners of his mouth and cheeks.

Piper went to wipe his mouth with a napkin, when Alex gently pushed her hand away, "let him be."

"Well then help him, he's a mess."

"Like this Finn," she helped him bend the crust in half and adjusted his hands and took a mock bite.

Piper took a picture of him with his pizza sauce face on her phone, Alex still wouldn't let her wipe the sauce off his face, "he's supposed to be a mess."

They got home and Alex pulled out more things that she had planned out for them to do including supplies to make some homemade play dough.

"Lay some paper down," Piper said sitting atop a stool along their kitchen island. "It'll be fine Piper, I'll clean everything up at the end."

Piper eased herself off the chair and slowly knelt down joined them on the kitchen floor. They mixed the flour, salt and water until it became the consistency of dough before adding the food coloring. The dough absorbed the color, and as Alex looked around she realized so did their hands and the kitchen floor.

"Shhhhi-" Alex stopped as Piper cut her eyes at her.

"I didn't say anything Ayix."

"I know kiddo, looks like you're gonna need a bath later."

They rolled the dough around, made swords and fought with them until they broke. They made towers, and knocked them down. They put the dough into a tupperware container and set it aside.

Piper dug out Finn's pajamas and Alex started running him a bath.

Piper lowered the lid of the toilet and sat down; she pulled his shirt over his pizza sauce crusted face and tossed his dirty clothes to the side. He made creepy crawly hands and wiggled his blue dyed fingers at Piper.

"C'mon kid, in you go," Alex said kneeling beside the tub. "No bubbos?"

"Oh yeah, definitely," she poured a third of a bottle of shower gel under the faucet which created an absurd mountain of white frothy bubbles.

She snug her hands under his armpits and was about to sit him in the tub, "test the water." "What?" she turned to Piper with Finn hanging over the tub.

"You need to stick your elbow in."

She put Finn down on the furry bath mat outside the tub. She bent her arm down into the water, now covered up to her shoulder in bubbles and confirmed, "it's good." She lifted Finn into the water. He scooped bubbles, stuck them to the wall then flattened them with his hands. He played with their shampoo and conditioner bottles, giving them voices and had full conversations with them. Alex cupped the water in her hand and wet his hair before washing it. She styled it into a faux hawk and smiled, "that looks awesome!" He insisted on seeing it, so she lifted him out and showed him in the mirror and put him back in, dripping water around the bathroom floor.

"Here, hold your hands up," he raised his hands by his head. She bent his fingers into a "rock- on" pose, "stick your tongue out," he complied making Piper laugh.

"Hang on buddy," she snapped another photo.

The bubbles disintegrated into now clear water and pink raisin fingers confirmed it was time to get out. "How do I rinse his hair? I need a cup or something."

"Rinse off your hair Finn," Piper told him. He dunked down and thrashed around under the water whipping his head around as he came up, "done!"

"Touché kid."

She helped him out and messily towel dried his hair and wrapped the towel around his waist.

"What are you doing?" Piper asked her gently.

"He's a guy, I don't know!"

"Put it around his shoulders Al," she said giggling. They put on his pajamas. He took Alex's hand and was guiding her toward the living room to his bag of toys when they passed by the nursery.

"This is Mookie's room?"

"Yeah kiddo, what do you think?"

He nodded his head and lifted his arms up. Alex picked him up and rested him on her hip and walked into the nursery. Finn eyed the books along the wall on the tree branches.

"When is Mookie coming?"

"Soon sweetie, want to pick out a book to read?," he nodded, as she ran a hand through his still damp hair. Piper finished cleaning up the bathroom and almost past them in the room while she walked down the hall.

Alex was sitting in the glider as Finn lied on her with his back pressed against her chest. Piper came in and sat on the floor beside them.

"Babe sit up here, we'll move to the floor," Alex said sitting up.

"No I'm fine, keep going." She listened as Alex read "Bread and Jam for Frances."

" 'Why do you keep eating bread and jam' asked Father, when you have a lovely soft-boiled egg?' Oh man kid, this is totally you."

Finn just tongued his cheek, his eyes darting around at the illustrations, not paying attention to Alex's comparison and waited for her to continue. He started to look sleepy and Alex lowered her voice slightly when she glanced at Piper who stared at her dreamily. "What?"

"You're making my uterus throb."

"Guess I still have a few tricks up my sleeve."

"Ayix," Finn whined, forcing her to focus her attention on the story. She finished and brought him into the living room. Piper brought some sheets and a blanket out, "so how are we going to do this? I'm kind of nervous having him up on the couch."

"Lemme grab an extra blanket to make it softer and we can set him up on the floor."

Alex crawled around the floor and set up a bed for him before standing up.

"Can you stay?" he asked from the floor. She looked down at him, he looked so small.

Piper stood near the other side of the blanket with her hands supporting her lower back. She made a puppy face, his words melted her heart.

"Yeah of course," Alex replied, "let me get some extra pillows and stuff okay?"

"Awight."

Alex pulled 2 chairs from their little dining room table and dragged them near the blankets on the floor. She walked out and returned with 2 pillows from their bedroom and another sheet. She lay the tossed pillows next to Finn and draped the sheet over the chairs.

"It's like a tent Pippy," she heard his voice from beneath the sheet, "come in!"

She got down on her knees and crawled under the sheet and lay on her side facing her godson. She rubbed her hand over his chest and asked softly, "did you have a good day?"

"Mmm, hmmm," he nodded, and straightened the blanket over his chest.

Alex crawled under the sheet on the opposite side and laid her head down over her bent arm. Piper stretched her arm up over her head and told them to get a little closer, she took a selfie and sent the photos she took throughout the day to Polly with a text message that said "successful day."

Finn nodded off as Alex stroked his head. He readjusted himself multiple times while Alex looked over at him annoyed that he couldn't stay still, he finally settled facing her, his head tucked under her chin. She looked down at him and inhaled his scent, her breath caught in her chest.

"Go up on the couch," Alex whispered nudging her head towards Piper.

Piper nodded, "are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said smoothing her hand repetitively over Finn's head.

"Because I'm exhausted and you were on your hands and knees crawling after him all day."

"I'm dead," Alex exhaled laughing. "How's Mookie?"

"Fine," she stroked herself maternally. "You're such a softy," she said with a huge smile.

Alex rolled her eyes and looked at Piper, she noticed she was staring at her,"what's with the face?"

"Just thinking about something."

"What?"

Piper shook her head nothing, but the smile remained on her face.

"Tell me," she whispered coaxingly.

She swallowed, "you remember the night I met your mom," she stopped and rubbed the nape of her neck, "and you left us alone to make hot cocoa?"

Alex's eyed widened, her eyebrows furrowed at the thought of her mother, and nodded shyly.

"She just said to me how you would put on this front, trying to act all badass when deep down you were just a big sweetheart." The brunette raised her eyebrows surprised to hear that that's what her mother had said to Piper all those years ago. "I'm just thinking about just how true those words are; she knew you well."


	11. Chapter 11

11

Finn awoke once throughout the night, he came up to his knees and turned around and shook Piper's arm until she woke up, "Pippy, where's my mom?"

She spoke with her eyes closed, "she's at the wedding Finn remember? She'll be back tomorrow."

He laid back down on the blanket next to Alex, who was out cold. He moved his head around the pillow trying to get comfortable.

Piper could hear him rustling under the blanket, constantly readjusting. She cracked an eye open, "lay on your tummy Finn, ill rub your back." She rubbed his back in smooth circles in a dazed manner, until she felt him sit up again. She felt his stare through her closed eyes, she cracked them open, "I can't sweep."

She let out a small whimper, she was so tired. "Try Finn, just lay still."

"I can't. Mommy makes me warm milk."

She leaned up on her elbow, reached down and rubbed Alex's shoulder, "Al." Nothing. "Al," she rubbed harder. "Corpse," she mumbled, "Finn wake her up."

"But she's sweeping."

"I know, that's why I said wake her up, it's okay."

He placed both his hands on her upper shoulder and gently nudged her, "Ayix wake up."

"Shake her Finn, keep going til she opens her eyes."

He climbed up and straddled her hip, and rubs his hands against her shoulder harder, "Ayix." She moved slightly.

He leaned his chest along her side and pushed her eyelid open with his index finger, "Ayix," he whispered. Piper looked on through heavy eyes, amused.

She let out a grumble. He shook her harder, she squinted her eyes shut harder and furrowed her eyebrows, "mmmmm."

He leaned forward onto his chest again, inches from her face, she opened her eyes slightly, eyebrows still crumpled, her gaze was met with Finn's smile. "You're awake!"

"Grrrr."

"You're not a bear Ayix."

"Mmm."

"I need milk."

"Mmmmhmmm," she turned onto her back, Finn still sat straddled on her waist.

"Ayix, wake up," he nudged her further.

"I'm up, I'm up," her eyes still closed, reaching her arm out blindly searching for her glasses.

"Al, can you heat up some milk for him?"

"Do not even tell me you're awake right now," she said irritated.

"Al please it took me forever to find a comfortable position out here, I don't want to get up."

The brunette opened her grey green eyes, now remembering they were camped out in their living room, "oh...," she inhaled and exhaled deeply, "yeah babe, I got it." She lifted her neck, crunching her abs and looked at the small child sitting on her torso "what's up Finn?" she asked, still composing herself.

"Milk, Ayix."

She was never a morning person, never mind being torn from deep sleep. "Right, sorry bud, 1 cup of warm milk coming up."

She sat up causing him to slide back a little before she caught his back. She managed to get herself in an upright position, picked up Finn and trudged into the kitchen. She did a double take at the large blue splotch on the kitchen floor, remembering the playdough and then sat him up on the counter while she looked for a small pot to warm the milk in. He swung his legs around tapping his heels against the cabinet.

"You are wide awake, huh kid?" she said with a small smile.

He nodded enthusiastically. She leaned her head on one arm which lay over the counter and stirred the milk with a wooden spoon. She moved the pot to another burner, set Finn down on the floor, and pulled a mug down from the cabinet.

"I need my sippy cup."

She raised an eyebrow, a what? she thought to herself, "do we have that?," she felt legally drunk.

"In my backpack. When daddy gets my milk, it's not in the sippy cup and I make a mess. Mommy gets really mad."

"Got it, thanks man." He got his cup and another movie from his bag and handed them up to her.

She flipped the movie still in its plastic wrap, "ah Peter Pan, is it new?" she asked taking the cup and poured his milk.

He nodded. "Grandma got it for me for Christmas." She handed him the sippy cup and started picking at the plastic as they walked back to their tent. Piper was once again fast asleep on the couch.

Finn sat cross legged on top of the blanket with his back against the couch and started drinking his milk as Alex gnawed at the plastic wrap with her teeth. He laughed out loud, causing her to raise her pointer to her lips and pointed to Piper.

"She's really sleepy."

"Mookie moves a lot so when Mookie sleeps she can sleep, we have to be really quiet," she looked at him seriously.

He nooded,"can I feel Mookie move?"

Alex's features softened at his innocence, realizing Finn had never felt their baby move.

"Definitely kiddo, first thing in the morning okay? Let Pippy sleep." She put the movie in and mimicked his position sitting beside him. As the movie started he nestled into the space in her lap, like he always did, lied back and drank his milk.

Finn woke up in the makeshift tent, Alex lay beside him, her glasses still on her face, Piper side lying on the couch. He went to the bathroom, and then got his markers and coloring book, and brought them back under the tented sheet to start coloring.

Piper awoke to Alex still passed out on the floor with arms stretched out like superman under her pillow, glasses crooked over her nose. Finn lay on his front coloring.

"Morning Finn," she smiled happy to see her favorite little guy lying next to her favorite lady.

"Good morning Pippy," he scrambled up onto his knees and in the same breath asked, "can I feel Mookie?"

She looked at him somewhat surprised but couldn't fight her smile, "yeah baby of course." He placed his little hand ever so gently on the fabric lying over her skin, it was met promptly with a few quick thumps. His face lit up with a closed mouthed smile. "That's Mookie's feet?"

"I don't know, Mookie's all squished up like this, I have to lay on my back." She climbed down off the couch and onto the blanket. She lay back with a pillow under neck and bent her knees. Finn sat closely on his knees as she placed both of her hands on her skin and poked around, "there's a foot here," she took his hand so he could feel just under her rib to one side. She continued to prod, she felt a big soft lump, "I think this is Mookie's bum," he poked it and brought both his hands over his mouth covering his giggles. "And I know Mookie's head is down here," she said bringing her hands lower.

"Mookie's upside down?" he asked surprised.

"Yep so head is here, butt is here, and feet are here." He looked at her a little puzzled. "Gimme one of your markers babe."

He handed her a marker and sat back on his feet poking Alex slightly. He watched his aunt sketch across her abdomen what she thought she felt, and as it became clearer, he once again excitedly raised onto his knees.

"Can you make a circle right here?" she made a circle with her hands, "I can't see that spot." He bit his bottom lip and diligently drew the best circle he could with sure concentration. "I see it now," he stated looking at the image, "can I color it in?"

"Yeah sure," she'd never said no to him before, she wasn't about to now. Alex woke up and saw Piper lying next to her, her hand holding a rolled up part of her shirt while Finn's shoulder moved vigorously.

"Good morning," she said stretching up onto her arms. "Oh yeah I told him he could feel Mookie first thing in the morning, I guess he took it literally."

"Yeah he did and now he's making me a human Picasso."

Alex wrinkled her eyebrows and looked over Finn's shoulder, "what in the world are you guys doing?"

"Coloring a picture of Mookie."

"I think this is the position today, I could be totally wrong though."

The brunette shook her head from side to side at the ridiculousness of the last 24 hours, "so remember that time, we had a kid for a day and our apartment was completely blown up? We're in so much trouble."

Piper smiled crookedly and shrugged a shoulder.

"You guys hungry?"

"Um, duh?" she stated as if this was an absurd thing to ask, "what do you feel like having?"

"Was thinking bagels?"

"I like bagels," Finn stated raising his free hand as if placing his vote.

"Oooh, not feeling a bagel right now. Can you make that spinach artichoke thing in the bread?"

"Yeah I can but you want that for breakfast?"

"Mmmhmm," she replied with 'a your point being?' smirk.

"Whatever you want, but I'm gonna go grab us a normal persons breakfast. Finn what kind of bagel do you want?"

"The one with no things on it."

"Ok that would be 1 plain," she scribbled on an imaginary pad in her hand, "would he eat cream cheese or butter?"

"Cream cheese!" he said and got back to coloring.

"Well okay sir will that complete your order?"

"Yep."

"I'll let you guys finish your art project, don't wash it off though, I want a picture of this."

Alex returned and passed Piper his bagel to unwrap and worked her way around the kitchen. She pulled out the necessities and got to work. Finn walked in, "can I help?"

"Sure bud," she helped him wash his hands and placed the bag of frozen spinach into the colander in the sink, "press your hands into there to get the water out."

He sat on the edge of the sink looking down at the green substance, "what is that?" he asked completely revolted.

"Spinach! It makes you strong like Popeye. Want to try some?"

He shook his head no. "What's Popeye?"

"Aw man, he's this big sailor who gets really strong when he eats his spinach and then he can save his love Olive Oil."

She largely chops artichokes and peppers and puts them into the food processor. She presses down on the handle and the ingredients spin through the clear plastic.

"Can I try that?"

"Al...," Piper calls out nervously hearing Finn's request.

"I got him Pipes."

"The blades in there are really sharp, so I need to help you okay?" She placed her hand over both of his, and steadied the food processor with the other hand.

She reached down to pull a block of mozzarella from the crisper, never taking her hand off of his knee.

She cut the block of cheese in large pieces and proceeded to chop it into finer pieces in the processor with Finn. They crushed the garlic in the press, and poured in some feta.

"Look how beautiful all of the colors look!"

Finn looked into the bowl unimpressed. She pulled two crescent roll tubes from the refrigerator, started tearing the paper and handed one to Finn. She pulled hers open and let the tube pop, making Finn jump. He handed his back to Alex afraid of having the tube pop in his hands. She unrolled the dough and laid it in a pattern on the baking sheet, Finn copied and finished the line of dough. They scooped the contents of the bowl, laid it on the dough and then pulled the dough overlapping each piece, brushed it with an eggwash and shut it into the oven.

"Ok we're gonna acquaint you with Popeye kid." She pulled up an episode on Youtube, "I haven't watched this in years."

Alex does her best Olive Oil impression while Finn flexes his non-existent muscles. The timer goes off and she retrieves a slice of the now crispy braid for Piper. Piper offers him a bite which he declines. Alex pouts out her bottom lip, making a puppy face.

"Are you sad?"

Alex nods, "I wish you'd try it Finn."

He looks at Piper and then to Alex still pouting, feeling guilty, "just one bite," he says holding up 1 finger.

He takes the smallest bite and 5 seconds later approves with 2 thumbs up.

Pipers phone buzzed with a text from Polly

Polly: "Good morning. So guess who has the biggest hangover ever, when did I get old?"

Piper: "Guess who just ate spinach. Sounds like you had a good night."

Polly: "No way, not my son? What'd you guys do, bribe him with gummy bears?"

Piper: "Just another victim of Alex's charm."

Polly: "Oh God help me. It was a nice wedding, fun reception, maybe too fun. Was he good for you guys?"

Piper: "No he was a horrible delinquent, we just busted him from juvie."

Polly: "So hilarious. Just let me know when you're ready, well come get him, or maybe just Pete."

Piper: "Take your time, we're good. Go sober up."

Piper sets down the sage stick on an upturned jar lid on their bedroom dresser and pumps a dab of lotion into her hands. She massages it into the dry skin and works her rings off her swollen fingers with the slick consistency. She wiggles them with resistance until they finally give and fall onto the floor, her engagement ring lay inches from her feet,as she watches her wedding ring roll under the bureau. She settles herself onto the floor, slumps her shoulders and begins to cry.

Alex steps into their apartment very quietly, she'd learned her lesson twice that week, once when she came home nosily and prematurely woke Piper from a nap, and once when she breathed too loudly while they watched a movie. Alex mistakenly made an attempt to defend herself, explaining that she hadn't done anything to deserve being crapped on. She endured a 15 minute rant about how she didn't understand what she was feeling, how uncomfortable she was, that their baby was never going to come out, how it felt like she had a basketball between her legs, how she was insensitive for waking her up when she barely gets any rest anymore and how everything was her fault. This was met 10 minutes later with profuse apology.

Piper had taken the last week before their due date off from work, and there had been close to zero baby action the whole week aside from the occasional intermittent contraction. She felt this unremitting need to clean every palpable surface in their home, spray everything with a lavender mist, re-fold all the baby clothes already prepared in the dresser, and now the faint scent of sage filtered through the apartment and filled the brunette's nostrils.

She tip toed through their apartment to find Piper sitting on the floor of their bedroom, her back toward the door.

"Are we having a séance? What's with the sage burning?"

Piper moved a hand around her head pulling all her hair that hung on the left over to the right and turned around to meet the figure standing in the doorway.

"Pipes, I was kidding," she said in an apologetic tone seeing the evidence of a meltdown strewn across the blonde's face. Her wife had been labile and unnaturally sensitive over the entire last week, she didn't mean to rouse anymore unwanted feelings.

"What's wrong?" She knelt down beside Piper on their rug.

"I lost my wedding ring," she said through her tears.

Alex felt an immediate sadness clench in her stomach, and rubbed her thumb against the circle of metal around her own finger, glancing at it slightly, now an abandoned twin. "What happened?"

"I've been feeling so frustrated and moody lately, I feel like I'm putting off bad vibes and there's just negative energy everywhere...," Alex lifted the blondes chin mid-sentence and cut her off, placing her index finger over the blonde's lips, she couldn't stand the self-deprecation, "just say what happened."

"So I was smudging with the sage, and I set it down here," Alex looked up and saw the burnt out stick, "and my hands were so dry from cleaning all week, so I put some lotion on to moisturize and tried to get my rings off but they were stuck and I pulled so hard and I lost it."

Alex curled her head more closely, facing the blonde, "wait, so it's in here?"

She nodded, frowning, fighting back her tears.

Alex laughed out, "so why are you crying? We'll just look for it."

"It's under there," she gestured toward the bureau, while shrugging her shoulders, "I couldn't get it out."

Alex kissed the top of her head while leaning down underneath the bureau using her phone as a flashlight, "I see it, just pass me the hanger."

"I feel like I'm crazy," she stated flatly, handing Alex the hanger.

A few swipes across the wooden floor and she picked up the sparkling band between her thumb and index finger and held it out to her wife."You're not crazy, you're just tired."

Piper shook her head, "can you just put them in my jewelry box?" she asked slipping off her engagement ring and handed it to Alex, "I don't want to deal with this again."

Alex stood up and placed the rings in her box. She slipped a charm off a silver chain and slid Piper's rings through the necklace. She bent back down, "lift up your hair," she said as she reached around Pipers neck and clasped the chain. She adjusted the chain so it was even, and Piper fondled her rings that lay on her chest and exuded a small smile.

She helped Piper off the floor. "I'm sorry I've been such a train wreck, I'm just done babe. If she checks me tomorrow and I'm not more open I'm gonna smoke this kid out."

Alex laughed out and squeezed her shoulders. Their midwife examined Piper 6 days ago and she was just slightly open which she was reassured was a great sign and was given more information on how to get things moving. They tried going for long walks, and different exercises. After much urging, she convinced Alex to rub an oil near her cervix while she did nipple stimulation, but all it did was make her horny.

The brunette walked on eggshells behind the blonde and softly asked,"wanna go for a walk?"

"I don't want to do anything else," she said easing onto the couch. "I don't want to move." She didn't dare ask if she felt any signs of impending labor throughout the day for fear she'd awake the pure evil she'd become familiarly acquainted with over the last few days.

"Movie?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Any preference?"

"Just something light hearted, something to make me laugh."

Alex slipped 'The Sweetest Thing," into their dvd player and slouched onto the couch and crossing her ankles on their coffee table. She put a pillow across her stomach and rested one of Piper's feet onto it.

"Oh I love this part," Alex said sitting slightly more upright. "It smells like moldy ass, is what it smells like," she quoted the movie as she subconsciously pressed her fingers into the swollen skin of Piper's feet causing it to indent. She laughed hard, as the tin foil shaped swan holding old leftovers soared through the sky and slammed onto the windshield in the movie, causing the pillow on her stomach to bounce around, breaking Piper's attention from the tv.

"Are you seriously playing with my disgusting feet right now?"

Alex's hands froze, and turned toward Piper waiting for her reprimand like a naughty child.

"I just don't understand how you're not repulsed by them."

Alex exhaled relieved. "Is it bothering you? They're only slightly doughy, it's fun." She laughed.

"Shut up, I hate you," she said softly through delirious laughter. She peered at the brunette still reclined on her back, judging her completely, "you're so strange."

"Hey, you picked me, so what does that say about you?" she continued kneading Piper's topmost foot.

Piper waited on the table, naked from the waist down. Today was her due date; she glared at the date on her phone, "what a tease."

The midwife walked in and listened to the familiar complaints of overdue ladies and offered to check her cervix. She offered to move her cervix around separating the water bag that could potentially cause contractions to start up labor.

"One and a half, so it's a little more from last week, it's much softer and short though which is also important."

"One and a half? Seriously? That's it?" she said frustrated, sitting up slightly.

"Lie back down, let me move the water bag away, it might hurt a little alright?"

"Go for it." Moments later her legs tensed and she winced with discomfort.

"Whoa whoa, try to relax, press your bottom down and breathe." Piper followed her instructions and gripped the side of the table, Alex just kept her head down.

"Ok after that, you're about two. This baby is really low so that's why you're feeling so much pressure. You might have a little bit of bleeding later, it's no need to come into the hospital. Try to wait until your contractions are every five minutes for at least an hour. If your water breaks you don't need to come flying in, try to rest, let the contractions build up. Alright? It's hard to stay home. You know from class a first baby can take a while."

Despite her initial threats, Piper did not try to light a fire and smoke their baby out, but instead she arrived for an ultrasound and fetal monitoring, 3 days later to check on the baby's well- being. When the technician told her everything looked great, she felt slightly guilty and selfish for having hoped she'd have a reason to be induced that day. They went home with more reassurance that the date they had become fixated on is just an estimate and most babies are born two weeks before or after that date but they wouldn't let her go past that point.

The blonde slowly paced between the long hall and the kitchen while Alex prepared their dinner, "do they seriously think I'm supposed to be mentally capable of handling this for another 11 days?"

"I know babe, I'm getting anxious too."

"I love you Mookie, but this is not okay."

After dinner, Alex tried to lighten Pipers mood. She made a little "eviction notice" sign for Piper to hold in while she took a picture of their final days as a family of 2. She sent it to herself in an email and dragged the icon into a folder of pictures that Piper wanted to use to scrapbook later.

"Why don't we print some of these and work on a page or two?" the brunette suggested. Piper welcomed the distraction, she used wavy scissors to start trimming photo edges and laid them out over the scrapbook pages. She paused here and there to get through a few irregular contractions hoping they would continue, but they spaced out.

They went off to bed, and talked in the dark, the large body pillow remained between them. She felt Alex's fingers stroke through her hair untangling small knots. She turned over to her other side and wiggled her bottom into Alex's lap, sticking the body pillow between her legs and sighed. She woke up to an extremely strong contraction, but lay still and blew it away. She was initially irritated at the weight of Alex's arm strewn over her body, not needing anything additional to add to her pain, but as this contraction melted away, she was grateful for the proximity of her wife. She laid nervously awaiting a contraction of similar strength but it never came; her mind started wandering in a dreamy transported state and was overcome with euphoria at how lucky she was. She got up to pee and settled back into bed. She turned her side lamp on, and withdrew her journal from the drawer of her nightstand. She fluffed her pillow behind her neck, sat upright, moved Alex's arm back over her body like it had been before and started writing.

Alex woke up before the sun was up and encouraged Piper to switch her position from upright with a dangling neck into something more stable. She removed her open journal that had slid between them, her eyes caught pages and pages of scribbled messy blue script. She shut it and reached over Piper to put it back in her drawer, when she said, "you can read it."

"I don't want to, those are your private thoughts."

"The last few pages are kind of like a letter, you can add to it if you want." She turned to her side and fell back asleep.

Alex tried to make out where her last entry ended and the one from the night began.

You're hurting me, do you know that? I can't decide whether I'm more desperate to meet you or more desperate to have another day where I avoid feeling more of the contractions that I just felt rip through my body. Thanks for letting me have a halfway decent sleep though. Your mom's arm is lying across me keeping us both safe. I hope you can understand how much love we had for each other the day we decided to make you. I hope you always feel wanted and safe and that you can be yourself around us. So many people are excited to meet you; they've all given us lots of advice and personal memories to help you be a happy and healthy little person. We have so many gifts to help welcome you into our lives and help take care of you. I hope the names we picked for you suit you well and I'm so curious to see what you look like and how you'll act. I'm sure you'll teach me lots, you already have. I want to expose you to everything the in the world-the good and the bad, I don't want to shelter you. I'd love to take you to places your mom and I have been able to experience and see it through your eyes. I want everything for you Mookie and I'll try so hard to give you the best of everything, and as hard as it may be I'll try not to let my expectations run your life. I hope you'll try things even if you're wary and know that it's okay to fail and I'll be proud of you as long as you tried your best. I hope you're able to laugh at yourself when you do fail, and know that with some thing's, some people, will simply just be better than you and that's okay too. I hope you question the things you're taught, but please do so respectfully, everyone deserves to be treated with compassion and dignity. I hope we remain fortunate enough to stay in this cultural mecca and that you grow up among the great expanse of the diversity that comprises this city. I'm not even going to pretend that a carton of takeout from 3 different continents doesn't present itself in this home on a weekly basis, but I kind of love it too. You'll hear music from all over the world pumping through our speakers, and dozens of different languages on any given day just walking along the sidewalk-I hope you learn to embrace that diversity and see how beautiful difference can be. I'll try not to hover over you and allow you to fall down so you can learn how to get back up. I may need to look back at this later to remind myself, but I'll let you experiment with different things and dress yourself however you want so long as all the important parts are covered and you're not hurting anyone in your process. I'm kind of a cool person, at least right now, I'll try not to embarrass you with mom jeans or old school hairstyles. I hope I made you feel like you can trust me and I won't judge you but I'll listen to you and try to help you as your mother and your friend. I know I will mess things up along the way, but you're my first, and the way I'm feeling right now, probably my last. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'll try to keep you thinking I do until you figure me out. I keep trying to remind myself that I'm not always going to be right—your mother jumps at every chance to remind me of this too. I hope this is the start of many letters, I'll try to keep them in a book for you to read when you're older, but if this is the only letter you ever get from me, I'm apologizing now, I'm kind of notorious for making too many goals and failing to finish them—example of me as a human being, right there kiddo. I already love you so very much.

"What could I possibly add to this?" Alex thought to herself. She picked up the pen and gave it a go:

So check out the penmanship kid, how's that for another example of imperfection? The problem is your mom's brain works faster than her hand so her words come out looking like that ^. She's exhausted and currently snoring in our bed, she said I could read her thoughts to you and I really hope for those same things for you too Mookie. I made your mom wait a long time before I was finally ready to be a parent, I'm still not, but I want you so much. It feels weird to write that word to describe myself, sometimes I feel like you're already here, this person that I'm responsible for, but sometimes I still get really scared that I'm really not going to know what to do with you. It blows my mind that you're pure, a perfect ball of innocence, that's untouched by so much of the madness that surrounds us daily. Your mom has done an amazing job to keep you safe and Ill do whatever I can to keep you unscathed. I promise I'll take good care of you kid and if I don't know something I'll figure out a way to find out, I don't care how many people I have to harass in the process. I do kind of wish that you'd decide you've run out of space and put on your miner's cap and look for the light already. Your mom is really sore and has been really patient waiting for you. The last two weeks have been rough, we're both foamin' at the mouth to finally meet you and bring you home. I can't wait to hang out with you and hear all the stuff that's going to come out of your mouth. I promise I'll read to you all the time, we have quite the collection here. I want you to have adventures like all the characters in your books. Sometimes mom and I sit in your room and read to you, you go crazy listening about all the journeys, I wonder about the questions you'll ask me or how many times I'm going to have to read the same stories over and over again, I'll probably have them memorized. Whenever you're ready, we're waiting.


	12. Chapter 12

12

They sat at their table taking in a late breakfast, Piper was mid-sip of orange juice when she pulled the glass away from her mouth and closed her eyes. She breathed audibly through her nose until the pain went away. Throughout the early afternoon, the contractions continued closer and closer together until they were about 7 minutes apart. When she realized after the first hour that these weren't going away she tried walking through the apartment to keep them going strong. She made herself dizzy lapping the same rooms, so she insisted on slowly climbing stairs of their apartment complex. When they started getting to a point where she couldn't talk through the pain, they went back inside their own apartment to try to take a break. Like clockwork, every five minutes a new pain would come, it felt like her bones were being pulled apart, with horrible cramping. After about 60 seconds the pain would subside and she'd rest in between. Alex only asked her once earlier if she wanted to go to the hospital, but she replied slightly annoyed that she would tell her when she was ready.

"Shit!" she stood up gripping the doorway and rubbed her own back, Alex moved her hand to copy the motion but her hand was swatted away, "don't touch me."

Alex retracted her hand and just stood by, after that contraction passed, Piper changed her position and leaned against the backboard of their bed. "It's so fucking hot in here!"

"Do you want a cold towel?"

She nodded as she felt her body start to tighten again, while Alex went away to quickly soak a towel in cold water. She returned and placed it behind her neck.

"Where did you go?" she said through closed eyes, tilting her head back slightly welcoming the cool moisture.

"To get the towel babe."

Piper readjusted her position again to her side moaning hard through the next contraction, while Alex whispered to her that she was doing a great job.

While the next one started to build, she asked Alex to put pressure on her back.

Alex immediately pressed into her lower back but made a face, hadn't she just done that and was swatted away? She remembered not to take anything that was said to heart, that the erratic behavior was normal. She got a can of seltzer from the refrigerator in between contractions and rolled it along the small of Piper's back.

"I need something," she said in an altered state. "I need to move."

It took getting through several more contractions before she was able to get off the bed. During this time Alex insisted on calling Polly, so that she could at least be there to help get them to the hospital, but she was starting to freak out.

The distance from the bed to their bathroom was maybe 10 feet, but Piper was so hesitant to take anything more than a baby step. She leaned on Alex as she took another step to the bathroom, when she felt her back and front tighten again; she draped her arms around Alex's neck and pressed her body into hers, resting her cheek on her chest. Alex leaned against the wall, baring Pipers full body weight, as she supported her wife who hung loosely in her arms. Alex encouraged her to get to the bathroom before the next one came, trying so hard not to demand that they go to the hospital yesterday, but Piper refused to move. She needed to stay in this position; she couldn't put into words what she felt in this position, speaking was out of the question. She needed to stay in Alex's embrace, just-like-this, she trusted Alex whole heartedly and just needed to lay in her arms, she felt fully supported. She moaned and talked herself through her contraction, "c'mon baby," she whispered to Mookie as she rocked her hips.

Polly let herself in and made her way to their bedroom. With her help, Alex got her on the toilet and started the shower that Piper demanded. Again, she insisted on staying in the same position on the toilet, unable to move.

"Piper please don't have our baby in the toilet," she begged more seriously though she had a tone of sarcasm in her voice.

"She's doing so much better than I did, I was restless after an hour."

Piper peered at Alex and told her to turn the shower off that she couldn't stand up. She had been plowing through contractions every three to five minutes for at least four hours. Alex was so proud of her, but the noises she was making in pain were getting to her, it was really hard to listen to and she wanted to go. She felt like had run a marathon herself.

After much coaxing that she was cutting it close, Piper listened to Polly. They grabbed their bag and went down the elevator to the ground level. Polly said she was going to get her SUV and pull it around the front, when Piper said they could walk the three blocks to the hospital.

Alex almost lost it, "Piper we're not walking there. You're going to end up delivering our baby on the sidewalk like a cat, please!" Piper heard how tense Alex was in her voice and rationalized getting in the car. Polly ran off and pulled her SUV up front.

"Bump," Polly said as a warning to prepare for the jostling of the car.

Piper gripped the edges of the seat breathing through the pain, this was so much worse than walking around. Alex could see the grimace of her face in the sun visor's mirror. She wrapped her arms around the seat and smoothed the wrinkles over Piper forehead, "relax your head," she brought her hands down to her lips, "relax your mouth." She pushed her hands smoothly over her shoulders and arms, "let it go Pipes, keep your body relaxed, we're almost there."

Polly went over some other less than impeccable street paving, "the bumps Polly!" Piper whined at the audacity of the city's potholes.

"I'm sorry Pipes, its Manhattan, we're here."

They got upstairs, they gave her a gown to change into and a cup. She stared at the nurse who gave her the cup and put it on the table with no intention of ever peeing in that cup. She pulled the curtain closed and got changed with Alex's help. The nurse started asking her demographical information, Piper gave the nurse her name, when another contraction came, "I feel like I'm gonna shit my pants," she said almost crying.

"Oooookay, can we have someone check this patient, please?"

A young resident came into the curtain introduced herself and asked if she could examine her and asked Alex to step out.

"I'm not going anywhere, who are you? She sees the midwives."

"Ok, she looks really active, let me just check her and I'll let the midwife on call know one of her patients is here."

Piper stroked Alex's arm soothingly, "it's fine, just let her check."

The resident slipped on a sterile glove and examined Piper when her eyes went wide.

She called out over her shoulder, "she's eight to nine, plus one station, bulging bag, I need a room, page the midwife." She turned back toward Piper, "you're almost done, we're going to move you in a room in just a second, alright? What number baby is this for you?"

"My first."

"Nice job, I just need to listen to your baby's heartbeat really quick and we'll get you down to a room." Quick thumps were recorded on a strip of paper, when the midwife came in excited to see one of her favorite patients, "hey! what's going on?" Alex practically fell on the floor she was so relieved to see this woman. The midwife got the brief report from the resident and helped move Piper to a room. Polly was directed to a waiting area while Piper got settled into a new bed. The resident tried to put the bands around her torso to monitor the contractions and the fetal heart beat, when Piper unstrapped the band and glared at the resident. The midwife helped her take the band off and whispered to the resident, "healthy mom, healthy kid, no meds in her system, we'll just get a heartbeat every five minutes, don't strap these on her, she's obviously not going to let you anyway."

"I feel so much pressure," Piper grunted out, "I'm not pushing, my body's just pushing down."

The midwife told her she could break her water, that she could leave it alone and let it break by itself but it would slow the process down.

"Just break it, I don't care," she whined. A warm gush of clear fluid poured out, soaking the pad on the bed. Alex's eyed widened at the amount of fluid, she turned away and just looked at Piper.

"You're open all the way, so whenever you feel like that you can't back off that pressure, let me know."

She nodded quietly, turning to her side and closed her eyes in between the contraction. The next contraction was more intense now that the cushion from the water bag was gone and she told her she felt like she needed to push. She was told to take a deep breath and push down long and hard and to try to repeat while she still felt the pressure in her body. She was told she was doing a perfect job. The midwife set up the table, and asked the nurse let down the bed rail so Alex could help support Piper. Alex started hyperventilating as the bright blue table was opened and the light came down from the ceiling.

"Hey, you slow your breathing too, no fainting on me. If you hit the deck, no one's gonna help you, were here for her and your baby."

Alex nodded and rested her head next to Piper on the white hospital sheet. She kissed her forehead and held her hand.

"Okay I feel it," Piper prompted her again. She was told to hold her top leg back and to curl her chin down to her chest while she pushed.

"Keep going, keep going, perfect, and rest." After she pushed for another 10 contractions, she was becoming discouraged.

"Can you see Mookie at all?" Piper asked exhaustedly. The nurse looked at the midwife and mouthed, "Mookie?" It definitely wasn't the strangest name she had heard but it was up there.

"Their baby's nickname, this is a surprise baby." She turned back to Piper, "I promise I won't announce it and ruin it for you." Piper nodded. "When you push I can see the top of your baby's head, when you stop it goes back in. It's supposed to come slowly, you're doing great."

She pushed a few more times and got to a point where their baby's head came into view and didn't retreat. "It's never going to come out! Can't you just pull it out?" she asked desperately breathing quickly.

"Slow your breaths. You're going to do it, I can't pull your baby out. I can get a mirror so you can see if you want, your baby's right there."

She shook her head no. She rested her head back down, her leg hung lazily over her arm, Alex fed her ice chips.

She pushed again, bringing the baby closer and backed off pushing until the contraction went away, her body was shaking. "You're going to feel a ton of burning, you just have to push past that burn."

She pushed again, felt the burn and backed off again, "I can't, I can't, " she cried. She blew through the contraction until it went away.

"You got it Pipes, you're gonna do it, you're so strong" Alex encouraged her. The midwife brought a baby blanket up onto her chest, and told her she could do it, that she already was doing it, that her baby was so close. "Reach down and feel your baby's head, it's right there." Her hand trembled as she reached down and was met with wet, hot, hair.

"Oh my God," her heart melted at the touch of the hard, hot head that stretched her skin, "okay, I can do it."

She took another deep breath as the contraction came and pushed through a burning sensation that felt like she was on fire, when she was told to look down, and she felt immediate relief and a pink, wet, screaming baby was placed onto her chest.

She immediately burst into convulsive tears as their baby stretched out over the blanket. "Hi baby, oh you're so gorgeous," she said as she wiped her baby off. She felt Alex's soft kisses on her face and her hot tears rolling off her cheeks and over their baby. Alex rested a shaky hand over their baby's head, caressing the wisps of hair in her fingertips.

"So what do we have ladies?" she nurse asked so she could pull a pink or blue paper from the cabinet.

Piper moved their baby's scrunched up legs out of the way, and started crying again.

"We have a son," Alex said happily. She kissed her son's wet head, "oh Jamie, mommy did so good."

She started inspecting him, "does he have all his toes and stuff?" she asked Piper while moving their child gently this way and that.

The midwife grasped the cord and waited for it to stop pulsing before she clamped it, "Alex do you want to cut the cord?"

She shook her head nervously, no.

"You have to! It's a right of passage Alex," Piper blurted out.

"Okay just tell me what to do," she said taking the shiny scissor.

"Just cut between 'here' and 'here', it's tough like chicken. He can't feel anything, you're not gonna hurt him."

She cut the cord separating their son.

"Piper just push gently so I can deliver your placenta. Alex you can move her gown out of the way and put your baby right onto her chest, it's easier for him to transition that way."

Alex had no confidence in her hands, Piper lifted their baby James gently just an inch off her now wet gown, while Alex pulled it up out of the way and she rested their son skin to skin against her.

"Do you want to see the placenta?" She showed them the side that was attached to Piper and then inverted it showing them the baby's shiny side, the cord, and the amniotic sac and explained that's where he lived.

She cleaned up and offered to go get Polly. Alex hugged her and they both thanked her for her help.

"She did all the work," she said pointing to Piper, "I'll go get your friend."

Polly came in and practically curled up into the bed with them. The pink baby laid against Piper chest licking his hand, while slowly opening and closing his eyes.

"This is your Aunt Polly, James."

"He's a boy?" she said stroking his back under the blanket, "he's so sweet."

She sat with them for a while, "I'll let you guys rest, I'll be back in the morning." She kissed her friends and her new nephew and left.

"Pipes, he's so beautiful," Alex whispered to her. She gazed down at her son, still wide eyed, complacently resting.

"I'm sorry if I was a bitch earlier," she said laughing.

"Your repertoire of profanities was pretty impressive," she said adjusting herself at the edge of the bed,"you're incredibly strong, you know that? Your sounds were killing me though, I wish I could've put on headphones."

She just looked over and smiled at her. "I want to try to nurse him, but I want you to hold him first." The nurse scooped him up, swaddled and placed him in Alex's arms. She clutched him closely to her chest afraid to drop him and bounced him slightly. Piper started to dose off, her son blinked his eyes slowly and yawned, making Alex giggle. She pressed her lips to his head, "here goes nothing, kid."


	13. Chapter 13

13

Alex gently woke up Piper and said she was going to get a nurse to help her breastfeed, after their son innately started rooting against her own chest. The nurse unwrapped him down to his diaper and explained how to properly support his neck and how his belly should always be against hers to ensure a proper latch. It took a few tries but Alex looked on in awe as their son finally latched on and looked wide eyed at Piper.

"This feels really weird," Piper looked down at Jamie as he chomped away.

"You make your own food, it's pretty fricken cool," she said to Piper while she stroked her son's cheek causing him to break his latch and turn his head toward her.

"Ow," Piper yelled as their son popped off taking her with him, as he looked for Alex's touch, she shoved her wife.

"Sorry, how was I supposed to know he was going to do that?"

"It's a reflex, they turn their face to know where to get milk," the older nurse explained to them.

Alex stroked his other cheek and he turned and opened his mouth, "cool!" She stroked his cheek again, laughing, and Piper tried to angle herself so he could get back on.

"He's so smart," she said in a baby voice, looking over him in adoration. She shoved a pillow under Piper's elbow when she said he was getting heavy. She kissed Piper and pulled her long hair back into a sweaty messy bun.

"He stopped," Piper said looking down at their baby who looked restfully content. She broke his latch with her finger and handed him to Alex, "try to burp him." The nurse helped Alex adjust him next to her shoulder as she awkwardly held their son against her chest and patted his back softly.

"How do we know if he's full?" she asked the nurse as her son burped near her ear. She pulled him back slightly and looked him curiously.

"There's lots of ways, falling asleep during a feeding is the most common. If they stay sleeping when you try to break their latch and they don't wake up and start rooting around again is another way to tell. The amount of wet diapers. You should try offering him the other side after he burps, if he's still hungry he'll latch on again, if he's not just start with that side next time. You should keep a log though until your mature milk comes in so you don't forget. When it comes in, trust me, your body will tell you what side was last," she says laughing.

Alex looks to her to help pass their son back to Piper, "you do it, just support his head, you can be a little rough with him, especially now, he looks pretty zonked out." Alex holds him against her chest while leaning her knee into the bed and puts him against Piper. She gets up to use the bathroom.

"Sorry we have so many questions," Piper says to the nurse as she tries to see if she can wake up her son to latch onto the opposite side.

"You're supposed to ask, you're both very eager, it's good, anything that comes to mind, just ask." Piper tickled her baby's cheeks but James was happily in a milk coma and showed no interest, so she laid him back against her skin and covered his back with her sheets.

Alex returned and the nurse handed her a little blue bowl and asked her if she wanted to help her give him his first bath when Alex froze as another woman screamed from another room, "well if she just did that, I guess I could handle a bath," she said pointing to Piper.

"Exactly, if you said no, I was going to give you that guilt trip, so good answer," replied the nurse.

Alex filled the blue bowl with water and winked at Piper as she stuck her elbow in it. The nurse stared at her as she removed her giant elbow from the blue bowl, "she told me I had to check the water, when I almost cooked our nephew a few weeks ago."

"She's right, the hospital water doesn't get that hot though, but good practice." She explained to Alex that it was important to have everything you need ready before getting them wet to minimalize the time they were exposed to cold air. She brought their baby over to the scale and weighed him, "seven pounds, fourteen ounces, close to eight, where'd you hide him? I thought for sure he was going to be a peanut, s'probably cause you're tall."

Piper looked down at her deflated mush of skin and sighed, "yeah he felt like the full eight, give me some credit here!"

Alex took a picture of their baby on the scale, before the nurse moved him under the warmer and removed his diaper. She explained it was best to give them a bed bath until the stump from the umbilical cord fell off. Alex took mental notes and watched as she wiped his skin gently while keeping the rest of his body covered and warm. The nurse passed her the cloth and she repeated the motions on the other side of his body until everything except his head was cleaned. She taught her how to swaddle him, while Piper told her to pay attention so she could show her later as she rested sleepily in the bed. After he was swaddled, they moved into the bathroom and the nurse held him like a football under her arm and let the water run over his head. His eyes opened and he looked around, "most baby's love this, we think the sound of the water makes them feel like they're still inside." She pumped some soap on a bristled brush and started scrubbing his head hard,

"Hey isn't that gonna hurt him?," Alex asked her alarmed at the amount of elbow she was putting behind her scrubs.

"Nope, I told you, you can be a little rough with them. The bristles are soft see," she scrubbed Alex's forearm, "you try."

She had Alex press her hips against the sink and nestled the baby between her hip and her arm. Alex scrubbed his head softly and glared at the nurse, "great and like that your kid is going to have the dirtiest head in school." She put more force behind Alex's hand, "did he seem distressed when I was doing it? he's fine," she removed her hand as Alex scrubbed a little harder and made sure she got behind the folds of his neck.

"Great now just rinse his head and we'll dry him off and get him a hat," she said as she walked out into the room and riffled around looking for the pink and blue, hospital issued striped hat. Alex dipped his head under the water and helped smooth the soap of his hair, he alertly looked around and seemed calm but she start to cry. The nurse walked back in and watched Alex's shoulders shaking as the newborn licked the water trailing down his lips.

"What happened?," she asked as she lifted the baby away from Alex and dried his head.

"I don't know what I'm doing," she choked out quietly as she didn't want Piper to hear her.

"He doesn't know that," she whispered, still tousling his little head. "You're both doing fine. He's eaten and now he's clean, those are two major things under your belt." She passed him back to Alex gently. "You're here for two days, ring the bell with every feeding until she feels confident and you ask for help with anything that you're not comfortable doing on your own yet. The more you hold him, the more normal it feels, he looks very happy," she said as she sat Alex down in the rocker beside her sleeping patient. She sat on the edge of Piper's bed next to Alex's foot that pushed off gently to get the rocker moving.

She watched as Alex gazed into her son's face, "the trick is to learn their cue's for hunger before they get to starvation mode. You're gonna miss it sometimes and they'll wail and you'll get frustrated but it'll get better with time. Most of them only cry when they're hungry, or wet and some just like to be held. We'll go over things with you while you're here and send you home with it all written down and phone numbers if you need more support."

Alex looked up at her gratefully and then looked back down at her son. "He's so small," she said as she gently bounced him in her arms, "his hair looks lighter than it did at first."

"You mean when it was all covered in birthy junk? Yeah, good thing you scrubbed his head so well," she shoved her knee lightly and stood up. "Honestly, he's in capable hands. It's refreshing to see a planned delivery with two parents who are so enthusiastic to learn. Just press the button if you need me, I'm right outside," she said and walked out pumping a dollop of alcohol soap and rubs her hands.

Alex just stares at Jamie perfectly still in her arms, and wonders at all of his innocence, taking in the surrealistic feeling of how this tiny person was the same Mookie that danced and wiggled all throughout those nights. She glanced over at Piper who looked completely exhausted and felt beside herself with love. She held him for hours until out of nowhere his little face wiggled and she felt his body try to scrunch up underneath the tight swaddle. She carried him over and sat with him on Piper's bed as she tried to wake her up. Piper blinked hard a few times until Alex and Jamie came into view and she smiled widely as he whimpered.

"I think he's hungry again," she said placing him on the bed, as Piper undid the top of her gown. She unwrapped him from his blankets, and with slightly more sure hands placed him against Piper's skin.

"Thanks," she said, "how long was I sleeping for?"

"I don't know, maybe two hours?"

"That was like the most solid nap ever," she said with sleep in her voice, as she adjusted the pillows around her sides and tried to figure out how to this on the opposite side. She tickled his lips until he opened his mouth wide and shoved him on, watching his jaw to make sure he was on correctly.

"Can you call my parents? I don't know where my phone is."

"It's like three in the morning, you don't think we should wait?"

"Absolutely not, wake them up." Alex dialed her in-laws and anxiously waited for someone to pick up when she heard Piper's mother answer groggily through the phone,

"Hello?"

"Hey Carol, good morning."

"Alex?," she said concerned, "is everything alright?"

"Yeah, someone wants to say hi...," she held the phone to Piper's ear.

"He's hereeee," she told her mom softly.

"Who's here?"

"Your grandson?"

"You had him? I have a grandson?! Bill wake up, Piper had her baby."

"Yup, last night, we barely made it to the hospital," she apologetically looked up at Alex and mouthed "sorry."

"Everything went alright? You're all fine?"

"Yeah everything went great, he's perfect, 7 pounds 14 ounces, I'm feeding him right now."

"Oh Piper, I'm so happy for you. Does he have a name?"

"We named him James, after James and the Giant Peach and a couple of other things," she said smiling as she caressed Jamie's head.

"You read that book a hundred times as a kid," she said remembering a little Piper drooling over her Roald Dahl collection.

She asked her about visiting hours and offered to help them get settled at home as Piper turned down the offer and said they would be alright. Alex shook her head, "hang on mom," Alex muted the phone, "she should come and help."

"We'll be okay, if we need help we can call her."

"I think we should take her up on it, so we can adjust. When we leave here were gonna be on our own," she said with a slight worry in her voice, "just for a few days."

Piper accepted the offer, eventually hanging up and peered at Alex, "she's going to drive us crazy."

"So what, we're lucky to have her." Piper looked at Alex shutting her mouth instantly and nodded quickly. She looked down at her son who seemed satiated once again and burped him while he lay against her chest. She laid him down between her legs and Alex tried to her best to show her how to swaddle him. It wasn't as good as when the nurse did it, but she accepted it as their son continued to remain still.

She sent a text to Nicky and reserved their rest of their phone list aside for the morning.

The next morning Alex rocked her son in the rocker, while Piper was examined to make sure she was healing well.

"C'mere, feel this, it's so gross."

She stood up with her son cradled in one arm and rubbed her hand among the soft excess skin of Piper's abdomen, she could feel her uterus underneath her skin. "I mean I'm glad it's shrinking but now it's kind of just in the way, and it's not as fun when he's not in it."

"Thanks for the hands on experience babe," Alex retorted as she passed Piper their baby.

"What's for lunch ma?," Nicky's voice came booming through the room startling both Piper and Alex.

"Holy shit," she whispered bringing a hand to her mouth, "I can't believe he's here." She walked over toward Piper and went to touch his head when Alex stood up, "go wash your hands!," she yelled before she could touch him.

"Okay," she pulled her hand back and tossed the little gift bag she brought at the brunette, "Jesus Vause, you say it like I'm a walking disease," she kissed Piper on the cheek, "congratulations," she mumbled, "way to make this one even more of a pain in the ass than she already was."

"Yeah well I don't know where your hands have been," Alex said seriously. Piper broke her son's latch and gave him to Alex nodding her head approvingly, glad that her wife was anal enough for the both of them.

Alex sat back in the rocker, alternating between back strokes and pats, when Nicky turned around and caught her breath, seeing Alex hold the small baby against her body. Her eyes started to well up, "this isn't fucking normal, he's just another person," she said annoyed at her body's reaction to Piper and Alex's son.

"Okay, were gonna need to do something about the language situation," Piper said looking at both Alex and Nicky.

Alex stood up to let her sit down while she placed him in her best friend's arms.

"He doesn't understand me yet, I need time to break the habit."

"Well practice, Finn's coming with Polly in a bit for children's hours."

Alex looked at Nicky holding her baby, hair all disheveled, nose all mucousy, and handed her a tissue, "I can't believe they let you in here, where the hell is security?"

"He's seriously beautiful you guys," Nicky said as Alex took a picture. She handed the gift bag over to Piper and she withdrew a little onesie that said "got milk?"

"Thanks Nicky," Piper laughed, "will you be okay holding him for a while, so I can shower?"

"Yeah, if he tells me anything riveting I know where to find ya."

Piper eased off the bed, hissing at the soreness as Alex helped her in the bathroom. She got Piper into the shower and got her fresh clothes and toiletries from her bag and set them up for her in the bathroom.

She came back out to sit near Nicky. Nicky looked up at her and shook her head in awe, "I know, you don't have to say anything," Alex replied to the silent commentary.

"How'd she do with everything?"

"She was ridiculous!," she said aloud with wide eyes and snacked on Piper's stale leftovers from her breakfast tray. "She was so strong, I was getting ready to lose it though, she didn't want to come to the hospital. I was so relieved when Polly came and helped us get to the hospital, and then once we were here and they opened up the tray and had her start pushing, I felt my ears ringing and got really hot, I really thought I was going to faint. It's such a blur."

"Sounds crazy," Nicky said making a bizarre face at a now awake Jamie.

"Nicky it was the coolest feeling ever to see him come up onto her chest. I was holding him last night and it's so weird to me that it's the same person I've gotten to know all this time, like even though it was more abstract before, I can't describe it."

She walked back and forth from the bathroom to the bag to get Piper's lotion and things that made her feel more like herself. She helped her tuck an ice pack into her sexy post-partum panties and got her settled back into bed.

"My ass is killing me," she said as slowly sat down, "but I feel so much better after that shower." She reached over toward Nicky, "can I have him back so he doesn't think I smell like that all the time?"

Alex brought him over to Piper as Finn and Polly joined the crowd.

"Pippy! I brought you this!," he said loudly, excitedly. Polly lifted him and told him to whisper.

"Look Finn," Polly held him close on her hip and pointed to her new nephew, "that's Jamie." Alex came over and smeared the alcohol soap into both Finn and Polly's hands.

"Jamie and Mookie is the same?"

"I know, right kid?," Alex said astonished, "he totally gets it!"

"Yeah Finn, remember when we didn't know if Mookie was a boy or a girl? Well he's a boy baby, we named him Jamie," Piper explained to him.

He nodded, showing that he understood. Alex took him from Polly, as the soap dripped from his hands, and sat him next to Piper in the bed; he stretched his neck to see the baby. He handed the bag to Alex and rubbed his hands together copying his mother and Piper placed her son into Finn's arms. Finn held one arm around his torso and patted his head with other as Alex stood by, "he's a nice baby."

Piper pulled the tissue paper off the top of the gift bag and pulled out multiple blocks of wood.

"We did it this morning," Finn said as she continued to pull out the wooden letters covered in assorted wrapping paper that spelled out "James."

"It's the paper from your shower gifts," Polly explained to her, "you would've gotten them sooner but I didn't have a name until last night. You can hang them on the wall from here," she let a letter hang from her index finger by a piece of shiny satin ribbon.

"Thanks you guys, no more though, you've done enough," she kissed the top of Finn's head and hugged Polly, "he's already spoiled!"

"Yeah right, what about you with Finn all these years. I can finally stuff a kid full of sugar and not have to deal with the aftermath and I fully plan on reaping those benefits. Can I please hold him Finn, I haven't gotten a chance to yet?"

He nodded and she lifted him up from her son and swayed with him back and forth, smelling his head, "ugh I forgot what this feels like. Whenever you need a break, please let me know, I mean I'll be over plenty, but if you ever just need an afternoon to sleep or something, I'll be more than glad to take this mush off your hands for a few hours."

"Thanks Polly," Alex said, "actually I need to go figure out the car seat, you want to come with me?," she said toward Nicky.

"Yeah Vause," she said as she stood up from the rocking chair and rubbed Jamie's ear softly. Like a revolving door as Alex and Nicky walked out, minutes later Piper's parents walked in. The grandparents immediately started gushing over their grandchild. After a while, Piper texted Alex to stay by the apartment to help get her parents up to their apartment. After many violent shakes of the car seat by both her and Nicky they were satisfied that it was securely in place and they waited for Piper's parents. Nicky said her goodbyes and congrats as Alex helped them with their luggage up to their apartment and helped them settle in. She made sure they knew how to use the remote and showed them their takeout drawer and went back to the hospital to be with her new family. She could hear Jamie's wails from down the hall, as Piper was changing him on the bed. She put on a fresh diaper but he still cried.

Alex lifted him up off the bed, "alright baby, are you tired of being passed around like a hot potato all day?, I know..., but you have to get used it, everyone's happy to meet you," he started to settle to Alex's coos, as Piper chucked the wet breast pad from her bra, "I think I waited too long to feed him, poor thing," she moved things around the bed, overwhelmed.

"It's okay Pipes, he's okay, just get comfortable," she said as she bounced with him in place. She nodded and took him from Alex, he thrashed his hand around frustrated until she got him to calmly settle against her chest and finally nursed. She exhaled relieved at the silence, "did my parents get up okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, they're watching reruns, 'Oh that Jerry Seinfeld,' she said imitating Carol Chapman, "I left them with some take out menu's and gave them fresh towels."

"Great, thank you so much," she sighed, "I'm so tired."

"Well the nurse said we should try to sleep when he sleeps, so after this lets try to get some rest." They settled him in the plastic bassinet beside the bed.

The next afternoon Piper and Jamie were discharged from the hospital. Alex brought up the carrier from the car seat while Piper wrapped him in layers upon layers of clothing and blankets. Alex could barely see his face when she saw the fluff of material around their baby.

"This one's ours right? Cause I can't see him Pipes."

"You said it was freezing out!"

Alex set him into the carrier and strapped him in, buckling him in. She slipped the strap of their overnight bag over her chest and looked around the room as Piper got her coat on, "all good?"

"Mmmhmm, lets go home!," she said cooing at her baby, while Alex lifted the carrier off the bed and headed down to their car. She opened the back door, while Piper got in on the other side, and snapped the carrier into the holder. She put another blanket over the straps as Piper put on her seatbelt and pushed the top piece of the carrier back so she could see his face. Alex kissed his nose and got into the driver's side and pulled away.

It was a 3 block drive from the hospital to their apartment and she was thankful for the short distance as she was a nervous wreck. She looked through the rearview mirror before changing lanes to make a turn and caught Piper leaning over the carrier and nuzzling their baby. Her vision blurred and she pulled over.

"What happened, did we forget something at the hospital?"

"Yeah, my balls," she turned her head around toward Piper sniffling.

"What is it?," she reached over wiping the lone tear that streamed over Alex's cheek.

"I'm not used to looking back there and seeing you both in the mirror. It just hits me in waves. He's okay?"

Piper rubbed at her neck, "yeah he's fine. Are you? Just take a second." Alex nodded and looked up letting her eyes dry up, "okay onward."

She parked and got their bag and Jamie out of the car and slowly made their way upstairs. They set him down in his carrier on the floor of their apartment and undressed out of their winter clothes. She unbundled Jamie from the ridiculous amounts of layers they burritoed him in and lifted him up to Piper.

Piper carried him slowly as they walked through all the rooms giving him a tour and stopping lastly in the dim light of his nursery, "welcome home, baby."


	14. Chapter 14

You guyssss. Thanks for the comments, old re-readers (thatnks for your enthusiasm) and those who are reading for the first time. This fic took a long time to write, I poured a lot into it and it took on a life of its own.

Its 54 chapters I believe, so plenty more coming your way and the timeline will pick up soon.

Anon, saw that you saw Caught in the Whirlwind is also being reposted.

Enjoy! I will try to keep up w posting 5 chaps daily. Working full time, plus going in extra hours, and I have to reformat every chapter. Bear with me please :)

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14

The blonde sleeps deeply in true exhaustion, her head turned to the side, her arm over the back of their baby, her lips slightly parted. She questions whether or not she should wake the blonde and help her move from the couch to the bedroom, but instead just props a pillow under her head and closes the curtains in the living room. She lifted their son off of her chest and covered her with a blanket; she lays him on the love seat next to her mother in law and showed off her 3 days worth of swaddling skills. Carol insisted that she take a nap as well but she said she couldn't. She was determined to install the co-sleeper in their bedroom so that they didn't have to get up to go to his room to check on him again; they tried putting him to sleep in his crib last night and listened for him on the baby monitor but Piper worried that they'd sleep through his cries and Alex kept insisting she'd heard him and checked on him no less than four times through the night just to see him lying completely still.

Bill caught sight of his daughter in law dragging the large box out of the nursery toward their bedroom, "want some help there?"

"Nah I got it thanks." She heaved it into their room, cut open the box and laid out all of the contents. She put it together relatively quickly and attached it to Piper's side of the bed.

"Fish taco's or chili night?," he asked Alex as she returned from their bedroom, "if you're gonna make chili, we need to put aside some for our friend Nicky, the short one with the crazy blondish hair? She'll blow a fuse if she knows there's a Chapman chili that she didn't get to take advantage of. She's got an abnormal obsession."

"Not a problem, want to make enough to keep you guys stocked for a week or two." Alex washed her hands and started to pull things out from around the kitchen when he sent her out to relax with the rest of his family. Carol handed off her grandson and Alex slouched down into the couch, she loosened his swaddle and rested him over her legs to stroke his chest.

"Oh," she started to get up, "I wanted to hang up the letters Polly made for him," she slowly rose careful not to wake James.

"I can do that Alex, just sit and rest with him, Piper said you guys didn't get any sleep last night." She yawned, "it's alright, I can just do it later."

"Don't be ridiculous, c'mon now rest, grandma's orders."

Alex slouched back down on the couch resting her head on the arm and let her legs drape over the other arm, she unswaddled James and laid him face down on her chest and rubbed his back, while she breathed deeply inhaling his hair and fell asleep.

"She's just as bad!," Carol said pointing out Alex to Bill, "how do I take a picture with this thing?," she asked her husband as she pulled her glasses down to the tip of her nose and tried to read the small print on her phone. She figured out that pressing the camera button magically worked the camera and took a picture of Alex with her grandson and then a wider shot of both women passed out on both couches, "looks about right for day 3."

"This shelf's got the potato leek batch and the lentil," Bill Chapman reviewed the geography of the fully stocked refrigerator as Piper bounced her son over her shoulder, reading the labels with her mother's handwriting on containers upon containers of food, "and there's a pot pie down here, and a lasagna and the leftover chili in the freezer. There's a deep container of chili for your friend in there too, make sure you share it!," he says shutting the door and walks toward their door to join his wife who's already got her coat on.

She laughs, "I will, I think we have enough food here to get through the rest of this hibernation season, thanks."

"He always looks like he's gonna fall over your bony shoulder," Alex says to her with an open hand on James' back while Piper keeps him propped high.

"I have our baby daredevil over my shoulder, you have your salt shaker, he's fine, he burps better this way," Piper says to her struggling to hold him up and unlock their door at the same time. Alex shoos her hand away and un-does the double locks and chain, profuse thanks are exchanged while James is smattered with multiple kisses from grammy and gramps.

"You call me if you need me to come back alright?," she says directly to Alex, "no sense in struggling."

Alex watches the Chapmans exit down their hall and locks their door, as Piper exhales a sigh of relief. She was thankful for the help but was happy to have her apartment back and for the first time it was just the three of them.

Alex starts to pick up behind the aftermath that the tornado left behind in their living room when James starts to whimper and then lets out a strong cry. Piper bounces him up and down, swaying back and forth, she rubs his back trying to sooth him with shushes.

"I just fed him he can't be hungry," she says to Alex who's already walking over to her. Alex dips her head towards her son's tush, "geez, you stink kiddo, this is already the second time today," she takes him from Piper, "I don't know how he's growing. How does anything even have time to absorb? His plumbing squirts everything right back out!" They'd gone to the pediatrician 2 days prior for his first follow up visit after delivery and he had already gained 2 ounces.

Piper slowly eases down on the couch and watches Alex swiftly change their sons diaper through his wails; she re-snaps his onesie, and lifts him up supporting his head bringing him up onto her shoulder the way he likes it; he whimpers once or twice before quickly settling against the swell of her chest. She rests her cheek on the top of his head and smiles slightly to herself proud that she's able to soothe her son; she sees Piper staring at her with lowered brows,

"What? Don't say I'm spoiling him," she said to the blonde defensively.

Piper softened her stare and gazed at her son against her wife's breasts, just visible through her very worn loose grey v neck. "You can't spoil him, not by holding him," she said with a wide smile and puppy eyes, "he loves to be held."

"Hah, just like you," she says pointedly, "then what was with the Bert eyebrows?"

"Just amused I guess, how a few days ago you were practically putting his diaper on backwards and going through a pack and a half of wipes every time you changed him and now...," she started laughing, "you're like a ninja."

"Yeah well the quicker I can get him off his back the better, he hates it!" "Oh, just like you."

"Piper!," she started to protest having been given shit for inappropriate language over the last week, but then she shrugged her shoulders, "some of us aren't lazy bottoms," she guffawed, "besides I don't like to mess up my coif," she said smoothing her hair. "Want something to eat?," she started over toward the kitchen, "...and don't even say anything smart, I already have my calendar alarm set to ravage you in five weeks."

Piper pursed her lips and shook her head, something's never change. "Feel like making me a smoothie?"

"Sixteen options of already made stuff in the fridge, but yes I can make you a smoothie, oh mother of my child, apple of my eye. What kind?"

"Peanut butter banana? You got him over there?"

"Yes Piper, you know I'm more than capable of doing two things at a time," she said excited to continue showing off her skills. She held James in the crook of her arm while taking the lid off their blender. She got down the peanut butter and held a banana and shook it until it fell off the bunch. "Okay so I kind of need both of my hands for this, can you hold him?," she asked humbly and walked her son back over to Piper.

"Absolutely not," she said sarcastically reaching her arms up to received her son with a smirk.

"I want one of those baby wrappy things," she says motioning putting something over her shoulders.

"A carrier?," Piper chuckles correcting her.

"Yeah but not the one's with the buckles and crap, the cloth ones like a Mei Tai or an African kanga."

Piper never minded Alex throwing around her worldly knowledge, she loved that Alex never hesitated to incorporate it into their everyday lives, "whatever you want, I just don't know where to find those."

"I'll look it up later," she said turning on the blender, startling James against Pipers chest. She drew circles with her pointer over his head, kept her feet on the coffee table and bounced her legs.

She handed the smoothie to Piper and kissed James tenderly on his forehead. "Mmmph," she whined, "I need to get some work done," she said and walked out toward the office.

"Hey Alex, do we need anything from outside? Polly's gonna drop off some of Finn's old...," she stopped in the doorway to look at Alex sleeping on her stomach, her face against her bent arm, pencil still in her hand. She rubbed Alex's butt with her foot, "Al? Honey wake up," she nudged her with her foot again.

"Hmmm?," she managed from the floor.

"Polly's gonna stop by to drop off some of Finn's old clothes, do you want her to pick up anything else?"

"The wrap," she mumbled.

"Babe I don't know where to get that and..."

"Moby wrap, Babies R Us, more like Babies R costing me an arm and a leg," she swallowed and cleared her throat, "Union Square has it in stock, $45, there's cash in my bag, ill pay'er back," she managed to get herself into a slumped cross legged position.

"Did you get that?" Piper asked Polly into her phone that was wedged between her ear and her shoulder.

She hung up with Polly. "Can you take him while I go shower?," she asked not waiting for Alex to respond. She set him down into her arms. "And can we do a wash later? Polly said she'd wash the clothes first but I told her not to bother because I'd need to do it again," she judged herself knowing she was already a neurotic mess. "Alex?!" The brunette snapped her head up, her eyes wide, "yeah, I can take him," she looked down not realizing she was already holding him, "oh, Hi," she said smiling down at him. "I need to talk to my HR department because this is not gonna fly," she said to Piper motioning at the work that was lying around the floor, "no its not!," she said to James in a baby voice. "I'm so tired."

"Just give me twenty minutes and I'll take him back so you can finish." "Kay," she said and pulled a throw from their leather chair.

Piper walked back, "that shower is sincerely my happy place," she said turning into the doorway to find Alex and James sleeping on the floor, "Oh for God's sake," she whispered to herself looking at her family nestled into each other. She left them there and finished picking up the mess in the front room that Alex had started organizing earlier.

She let Polly and Finn in an hour later, and dragged her down the hall when she demanded cuddle time with her new nephew. They stood in the doorway peering down at the two still sleeping on the floor. Polly sat on the floor and scooped up the sleeping baby, Piper jostled Alex slightly.

"Hey," she said to Polly opening her eyes, straightening her glasses, she embarrassedly adjusted her shirt that had come down while she rested.

Piper left and returned tossing her one of her flannel shirts,"can you bring him out in a few minutes? I need to feed him," she said while Finn dragged her out to get some chocolate milk.

She sat upright and crossed a leg under the other and watched Polly with him. "The bags of clothes are in the front, you guys can just look through them whenever and whatever you don't want, just donate or something." Alex nodded.

"Just holding him makes me yearn for another one," she said looking at James, "they're so much work when they're this small but ugh, their smell, and their noises, they change so fast." Alex helped Polly up and joined Piper and Finn in the front.

"Oh the sling is also in that big bag there," she said pointing Alex in the direction of her haul.

"Oh thanks!," she withdrew the plastic bag from the bag of hand me downs and cracked open the package with her Moby wrap and looked through the pamphlet it came with.

Piper came over and sat with Polly on the couch, Finn joined them holding his chocolate milk, and added a second hand to the cup with a glare from Polly. Polly handed James to Piper and she covered herself with a receiving blanket and nursed him.

Polly sighed watching her friend, "do you remember being that small?," she asked Finn caressing his head and pulling him close to her; she wished she could shrink him down again.

He shook his head rapidly, "nooooo mommy," he said straightening up to make himself seem bigger.

"Go over there Finn," Piper pointed to one of the smaller bookshelves, "on the bottom row, do you see the picture of you and me, you're standing on the jungle gym?"

His hand hovered over different frames before he found one of his aunt and a toddler, "this one?" he raised it up curiously.

"Yep," she nodded and beckoned him to bring it over. He brought it over and placed his hands on her knees and pulled back the blanket to watch this fascinating new little person have lunch. She discarded the blanket intended for the now non-existent modesty and he climbed up beside her and continued to watch.

"Look how handsome you are here," she said stroking the old photograph. It was the first time she'd met him, that day was weighted with both joy and sorrow, for while she was thrilled to finally run around with her nephew, hearing him squeal with laughter as she chased him up wide stairs of the jungle gym, she'd missed out on his entire first year and some of his second. She was so relieved that he'd taken to her and seemed comfortable with her holding him. She remembered Polly pointing out that while he still appeared to need a hand to climb down steps, climbing up those same steps without any support was a first for him that day, and she felt honored to witness his milestone.

Her moment of reminiscing was broken by Finn's giggles as she turned as saw Alex trying to balance a bag of flour into the harness she tied around herself. Piper joined in the giggles, "what on earth are you doing? That looks really complicated by the way."

"I want to practice and make sure it doesn't come undone. It wasn't hard though," she bounced up and down a little to see if the flour bag would fall, "seems sturdy."

Piper broke James' latch and covered herself up, "wanna burp him Finn?"

He nodded enthusiastically and opened his arms. "Okay, scoot down a little so you're leaning so he doesn't slip off, " she helped adjust his seating and laid her son down over Finn so they were facing each other and demonstrated tapping his back.

"Smile Finn," Alex said snapping a picture of the proud cousin taking care of her son. Piper took the camera and took a picture of Alex with her flour baby with two thumbs up.

A few days later Nicky stopped by, Alex unlocked the door and went back to the kitchen, Piper napped in their bedroom. "I come bearing commissary Vauseman's," she said shouting and started taking off her boots at the front door.

"Jesus Nichols, we have a baby and Piper's sleeping, is there a brain under that bush? Whaddya got?," Alex came around the corner with James strapped to her chest, "we have something to barter with;" she says temptingly, she goes over to the freezer to get Nicky's portion of chili."This is from Sir Chapman." Nickys eyes are popping out of her head, but Alex cant tell if it's because she's delighted to be the recipient of a tupperware of chili or her appearance. Her Janis Joplin look a like of a best friend puts the bag she brought onto the counter, takes the chili and sets it near the bag.

"Don't try talking to me all normal when you look like a kangaroo," she said swirling her hand around the baby, "what the hell is that?" She raised herself up onto her toes trying to get a look at her friends' baby, Alex pulled away.

"Nah uh, you don't get to play with him after insulting the mama roo. He loves this thing by the way."

Nicky smirked, "why wouldn't he love being smothered by tits all day? Smart kid." She took her gift and handed Alex a cd of Lady Gaga lullaby covers. "This rocks Nichols thanks!," she says looking over the track list. "He needs a bath, wanna help me?"

"For sure, is he even in that thing?," she pointed to the wrap. Alex pulled back one of the layers revealing his face, "so should it just be an expectation that he's fucking cuter each time I see him?, c'mon Vause!" Alex pulled him out from within the cloth and handed him to Nicky while she walked out to get all of the stuff for his bath. She popped his new cd in the player and returned with a giant cloth flower, and bath gear. She ran his bath, checked the water and Placed him in the flower in the sink, "oh you're really wearing this June Cleaver thing well Vause."

Alex hummed along to the tune and started singing in falsetto to match the octave, as she lathered his washcloth and cleaned the front of his body, "I'm gonna lace up my boots, throw on some leather and cruise, down the streets that I love in my fishnet gloves, I'm a sinner."

Nicky joined her, "then I'll go down to the bar, but I won't cry anymore, I'll hold my whiskey up high, kiss the bartender twice I'm a loser," she made an "L" on her forehead.

"Ok hold him up so I can get his butt," she said to Nicky.

"His butt is like this big," she made a space between her index and thumb the size of a peanut, "just move his leg."

"Can you just fucking help me?"

"Alright, alright," she lifted him, "time for lessons with Nicky kid, lesson # 1: crack kills."


	15. Chapter 15

15

"It'll just be half a day Pipes, I swear," she looks at her asking for forgiveness, "don't look at me like that, I don't want to go, you know that." She fastens her bra behind her back and smooth's her pants over her thighs. She looks around the room for a shirt to wear, something clean, she pulls several that lie around the room, she brings one closer to the lamp searching for stains, "ugh," she shows Piper the shoulder of a shirt with off-white spit up and throws it onto the floor; she holds a new one up to her face smells it and adds that one to the pile as well. She pulls each hanger across the rack looking for anything that isn't full of wrinkles, that doesn't scream I'm a new sleep deprived mother that didn't have time to iron.

Jamie's wails make her eyebrows furrow, she walks toward him stepping over dirty clothes and towels, maneuvering around the drying rack that's overfilled with clothes that have been dry for two weeks,

"what's the matter baby?," she asks him sitting on the edge of the bed and rubs his tummy while he lies along Piper's crossed legs. He continues crying, his chest visibly expanding and contracting between cries as he tries to get more air. She quickly swaddles him on the bed but he continues to freak out, wriggling an arm free and loosening the blanket that held his body in tight. Alex grabs her cheeks and stands shrugging her shoulders.

"See he's completely miserable too, why can't you just call in and say you're sick or something?"

"I can't Pipes! I'm literally just going in for this meeting. I have to help prep it, sit with everyone for an hour or so to make sure were all on the same page before we present. I haven't been there in person in a month and we need to seem together or else we may as well not even try to pass this plan," she pulls on a shirt, zips it up the side and starts doing her makeup.

Piper rests her forehead in her hand, she shakes her head unsupportively but then tries nod in understanding, her head is moving in small circles.

"Once were done, I'm going to HR to sign the papers to extend my leave but the agreement was contingent on me attending meetings that I would've been present for during that time, I have to go to this one, I'm all over this project, I worked on this for months, they need me," she fastens her second earring in place and turns toward Piper, "do I look okay?"

"You only did one eye," Piper says emitting a small laugh.

Alex bends down into their bureau mirror to make sure Piper isn't messing with her and see's she did in fact completely forget eyeliner on her left eye. She draws a line over her lid and turns back to Piper, "now?"

"You look hideous," she says in monotone.

Alex rolls her eyes, flips her hair over and starts blow drying it. Jamie stops crying, and Alex raises her head curiously at her son questioning if she's gone deaf. She turns off the dryer, "did he stop?," she asks as she hears his cries begin again, "nevermind." She continues and he stops again at the constant noise of the hair dryer and falls asleep. Alex turns off the dryer and he starts to fidget, "turn it back on," Piper says through gritted teeth. Alex flips the toggle and loops the cord over the knob on their dresser, brushes her hair out and comes back over to Piper, "you can't leave that on. I'll just be gone five or six hours, you can do this."

"I don't even know what I'd begin to do with five or six hours anymore. Al, I'm so tired, please just let it run."

"I love you," she says kissing Piper's forehead, "I'll be back soon," she squeezes her leg and kisses Jamie, "and I love you, please sleep for mommy."

"I love you too," Piper says almost frowning and Alex leans up and straightens herself out one last time, "good luck today."

Alex forces a smile, and walks out the door,

"...and bring me Shake Shack," she hears from the bedroom as she slips on her coat and pulls her work bag on for the first time in over a month and heads out the door, "you got it!"

Alex's hand lazily roamed for her son's back following the sound of his coos. She cracked an eye open and lifted him from Piper's arms and told the blonde to scoot down and rest. She lay beside him in bed, patting his back to burp him. She curled an arm around him more out of fear that shed fall asleep and Piper wouldn't know he was there and one of them would roll over him. She stared at him in awe, she caught herself frequently just watching him, she was over the moon with this new kind of love, she could finally understand what other people fussed about. He was just perfect, and she knew that everyone felt this way about their own child, but he really was the most beautiful baby in the world. She watched his legs kick and wiggle within his sleep sack and noted that he was especially squirmy, she walked with him around the apartment and looked out the window at the mountains of snow piled along the curb.

"You see that white fluff?," she asked him, knowing he couldn't really make out anything clearly yet, "that's snow. I'll let you touch it tomorrow on the way to Dr. Samuel's. It's cold and wet and makes getting to work a big pain in the hiney but it can also get you out of school so I'll watch the news with you one day and hope that there's enough to keep us both home kid." She continued into his room and scanned over his little library, she smiled to herself rememberingwalking into several book shops with her list of books that were all imperative to have. She pulled Keats' The Snowy Day, and settled into the rocker while she told James the story of Peter and his snow filled adventures. She caught herself dozing and went back to the room. She watched him sleep, as his mouth pulled at the corners the same way Piper's did when she had a really busy day, she wondered if he was dreaming. She gently stroked over his soft hair and his now slightly chubby cheeks, unable to keep her hands off of him, he was knocked out and shortly after she fell asleep beside him.

He woke his moms with his whimpers, Alex had been lightly sleeping, unable to fully relax with a hyperawareness that James was settled between them. He cooed a few times and she cooed back. Piper absent-mindedly swiped her arm over the co-sleeper causing her head to shoot up and her neck to jerk around when she didn't feel him, "hey relax, he's right here," Alex said squeezing her hand on Piper's hip.

"He's alright?"

"Yeah he's fine, were just chatting, getting the 411 on which pair of baby sweat pants make his butt look big."

Throughout the next few weeks Piper and Alex soaked up every ounce of their son.

"So how are we going to do this tomorrow?, " Piper asked Alex while she kissed the bottom of her son's feet.

"What time does the class end?"

"11 A.M. but will that be too early?"

"No, it'll be alright. Ill take an early lunch or I can go in early and get some extra work done for the morning before I go and meet you there so you have time to eat and wont be late."

"Or I could just forget the class and bring him to you or I could just tell Polly I need more time."

"Pipes it's been three months, you've gotta go back sometime. It'll be good for you," Piper looked over at James with sad eyes, "and him," Alex told her not completely convinced herself that she wanted him around other snot nosed tiny humans just yet.

"I just never thought I'd to have to take him to day care."

"Well your parents offered..."

"It's too much, I cant handle them being here all the time. I'm good with once a week for now, well see."

"Or you could stay home Pipes, I can keep us going for a while."

"It's not even that, I really would take eating canned beans for dinner every night for a few years if we needed to make the money stretch. I... I made a commitment to Polly and I need to go back," she said firmly reassuring herself of her decision.

Alex placed a hand on her shoulder, "Pipes, really though, the place looks uber clean, the ratio between kids and caregivers is great and I'll be right upstairs all the time."

They'd opted for the daycare center in Alex's building, though steeper on their budget, the calm that settled over Piper's heart knowing Alex would be a minute away was the deciding factor.

"I don't know if I can do it Al, seriously. It's unnatural for us to be separated."

"Pipes I know, it really sucked going back, he relies on us for everything and to give that privilege to someone we don't know... it's a big deal. They said I could come and watch him through the mirror as often as I wanted, and if needed step in and spend time with him until we're all okay, or continue with half days until we're ready to progress to full days. They seem well acquainted with...," she wanted to say obsessive but opted for "excited parents. He's going to be fine, really," she said this genuinely.

Piper nodded while she held her son's feet in her hands and moved his legs around as if he was on a bicycle. He let out a squeal. Alex looked on as Piper went through the motions she'd done with him at Mommy and Me class, "slowly, slowly, pedal, pedal," she alternated bringing his knees to his chest and picked up momentum, "harder, harder, pedal, pedal, weeeee."

He screeched loudly and she dipped her head toward his torso, picked up his shirt and blew raspberries on his tummy. He opened his mouth wide as if he was surprised and grabbed her hair while he continued to scream. Alex giggled while Piper kept her head down against Jamie, "oh his noises Al."

"You've got about, oh I don't know nine trillion videos of his noises on your phone babe, this is why I'm gonna meet you after class okay? You'll be giving him to me and it's gonna be like we went out for the day. You're gonna have a long lunch with Polly and then have a short first day back and before you know it, the day will have flown by. Trust me."

She nodded and exhaled, "alright." -

Piper lifted James off the mat and was about to roll it up when Alex crouched down beside her, "how was class?," she asked reaching her arms out to take her favorite little person.

Piper's eyes instantly started to water as she handed him to Alex and started to roll up the mat. Alex stopped her hand and passed him back to Piper, "you didn't even enjoy the class did you? You were thinking about this the whole time." Alex rolled up the mat and tucked it in Piper's yoga strap and sat along the bench where Piper receeded. "Your mommy's a mess Jamie bug. Can you tell her we're gonna be okay?"

Piper pulled a receiving blanket from the diaper bag and covered herself to nurse before she went back to work for the first time since her life changed forever. "There's three bottles of breast milk in the outside pockets, they're against ice packs, but they need to be put in the fridge once you get there." Alex rubbed her knee reassuringly. "And his name is already on everything, you should be able to give them the rest of the bag without having to do anything." Alex stood up and started wrapping the wrap around her torso and her shoulders, she was now an expert. She placed him in, forward facing so he could see the world and turned toward the mirror. He could see himself and Piper standing next to him and Alex, he smiled and his legs danced excitedly.

"See baby, he's so happy. Enjoy your lunch, we'll let you know when we get there, alright? We'll see you tonight."

Alex walked her outside and made sure she got in a cab so she wouldn't follow her all the way to work, she turned around and headed for her office. She dropped him off and watched him easily settle in with one of the caregivers before going up to her office. She found herself watching the clock more frequently as the day pressed on. It often took forever for five o'clock to come but this was becoming unbearable.

4:35- C'mon Alex you've got this, he's fine, just a half an hour more. She refocused her attention and continued to work on the powerpoint on her desktop.

4:38- 3 minutes?! Seriously? I'm not going to be that parent, no I'm not, I'm not! They assured me if they needed me I'd be contacted as a moments notice. But he's riiiiight downstairs. She picked up her phone to check the dial tone, and checked her cell battery: full. No, you still have 20 minutes and then you have him for the rest of the evening.

4:39- Oh for Christ's sake- she shut down her computer, slid her arm over the desk knocking the contents into her bag, swung the strap over her arm and quickly made her way down to the daycare center.

She rounded the corner almost too excited when she saw Piper looking through the one way mirror. She snuck up beside her and placed her hand on the small of her back.

"Don't," Piper said knowing Alex would be dying to make fun of her for failing to stay away for a single afternoon.

Alex just shook her head, "how's he doing?"

Piper nodded her head toward their son on the floor, "why doesn't he look as miserable as he does when we do tummy time at home?"

"There's more for him to explore here, sounds to listen to, new people."

Piper moved in front of the door, anxious to pick him up, when one of the caregivers looked up and saw them through the window on the door and motioned for them to come in. Alex raised her hands to say no and pointed to her watch indicating there was still time.

Piper looked at her, "are you trying to kill me?"

"Piper I'm twenty minutes early, and you're not even supposed to be here."

The blonde hardened her stare, her chest ached at the sight of him, "I can give you five minutes," she said with a seriousness in her tone, and dug her heels into the carpet.

Alex sucked in her lips and fought the urge to reply. She knew Piper was alright now that she could see their baby but knew that she was still on edge. She'd done well and hadn't called inquiring about how he was throughout the day.

"What exactly did we do before him?," Alex asks as she watches a caretaker turn him to his back and passively move his arms to overly happy music that is just audible through the door.

"I mean aside from sleep in, and have clean clothes and listen to the actual artist of my favorite songs versus some distorted cover version."

"No idea," Piper breathed, "does he look bigger? He looks bigger than he did this morning," she said with certainty.

"He's exactly the same size as he was five hours ago, let me get him before you combust. She walked in with Piper on her heels, "Jamieeeeee," Alex called to him, he turned his head to look toward the familiar voice and spotted Alex, his legs moved wildly and his face broke out into a gummy grin. Even thought he'd done this several times over the last week or so, she caught her breath every time he smiled in her direction or babbled back when she talked to him. She didn't really talk in baby talk, but talked to him as if she was talking to anyone else and he had to understand her right? Why else would he talk back? she always rationalized. She dipped down to sit him up, "how's my boy? how'd he do today," she asked the same caregiver, Beth, she'd left him with earlier that day and stood up, while Piper immediately started stroking his back.

"Great, only fussed if he was wet, he took two bottles so there's still another, we put the date on it so you can leave it here and we can use that one first tomorrow."

Alex passed him to Piper who clutched him close to her chest and absorbed all his baby particles.

"This is Piper," Alex said turning toward her wife who managed to shut out the rest of the world now that she had her son in her arms.

"Will she be picking him up sometimes as well?"

"It'll almost always be me, but occasionally her, maybe one or two other people, can I add them to our file?" She sorted out some of the logistics and collected their belongings to head home.

The next time she swapped him with Piper at Mommy and Me she saw a flyer for baby massage. They had Saturday morning sessions at 8 A.M."Well I'll already be awake anyways right?, she said to herself. She looked at James through the glass as Piper started to clean up their spot in the room. She pulled a tab from the flyer and walked in, "what do you think about this? You think it's any different than just rubbing him any old way?"

"Probably not," Piper shrugged her shoulders, "but it's half off if you're already enrolled in another class.

"Figured it could give you some alone time Saturday mornings and give me some quality time with him."

"That might be nice," Piper's lip dipped down slightly.

"I think you'd be sleeping in, you wouldn't miss him babe."

"You're probably right."

They parted ways and Alex dropped him off at daycare and went up to sit at her desk when there was a knock at her door, "hey where'd you go, I stopped by here to see if you wanted to go out to lunch... you have something on your shirt," her colleague pointed out to her.

Alex looked over her shirt to see an off white crusty spot on the side of her blouse, "dammit," she said noting Jamie's drool spot on her shirt. "My son's downstairs at daycare, third day. I went to get him on my lunch hour, we're just doing half days for a while, my wife's kind of freaking out at the thought of being away from him all day and...," her friend cut her off when she registered that he was in daycare in their building.

"He's here?! I want to see him, I've only seen him in pictures." As she dragged Alex down the corridor toward the elevators, she stopped to alert two other friends who'd come to the shower, that they passed on the way that they were going to see Jamie.

"You guys are so funny. The daycare lady is going to think I'm nuts with this entourage."

Sorry she mouthed through the door with the three other adults who stood around her jumped around trying to get her sons attention. The attendant waved her off as if it wasn't a big deal, Alex was sure this happened from time to time.

It became a daily routine for Alex to stop into the center during her fifteen minute break over the next few months. She watched him this day as he sat on a mat with two other babies and a caregiver. He could sit up by himself unassisted and Alex watched him for a few minutes before removing her shoes and walking in. He met her eyes, his face lit up and he reached up his arms, opening and closing his hands for her to pick him up.

"Hi Jamie," she said enthusiastically and sat down in front of him. He came onto his hands and bounced on his knees but couldn't come forward. She stood him up and held him up by both of his hands, he bounced up and down in front of her. She sat him back down and played with him for a bit, moving a toy that he was holding in his hand just out of his reach. He was not amused as he protested with a grumble.

"Oh sorry bud, gotta come and get it," she said tapping the toy and scooted back some more. He reached for it and looked at her for assistance before he laid down and rolled toward it, and shoved it in his mouth.

"Well aren't you just so smart," she said to him. He sat up and snacked on the toy some more. "He's gonna crawl soon, hope you have the place baby proofed," Beth said as she walked to move another active baby to a more enclosed space. He dropped the toy losing interest and reached his arms out again for Alex to pick him up.

"Alright buddy," she picked him up, and positioned each of his legs around her waist. He grabbed onto her necklace and laid his head against her chest. He was there the full day now and the days spent apart were long, she took comfort in seeing him as much as he did her.

Beth brought her a bottle and she sat with him at the edge of the room. He liked to sit with his back against her front and watch the other kids play. He'd keep a hand over Alex's on his bottle, and reach his other hand up and hang onto her hair with the other. She figured if he couldn't see her, this was his way of knowing she was there. He'd reach a hand up while Piper nursed him too and while it wasn't the same, she could understand why Piper was obsessed with feeding him every chance she could. She was grateful for this time with him for when she and Piper were together, it was best for him to nurse directly with Piper. She sat while he stroked her hair and watched his friends. She looked forward to this everyday of the week. She tapped the camera button so it could flip and Jamie could see his face, he stared at the boy looking back at him for a while before he smiled with the nipple still hanging in his mouth and Alex clicked the button and sent it to Piper, "yummy breast milk , thanks mom." She let her know she would be stopping at the store on the way home. When he finished his bottle, she held him by his underarms and let him bounce between her knees, he screeched with happiness; she couldn't help but chuckle. His laughs were genuine, he was a happy baby and she felt relieved that he seemed so content with little things. She let him jump until her time was up.

"You guys have a bouncer," the caregiver said in a way that Alex didn't know if she was making a statement or asking a question.

"Him?," she lifted him up some.

"No," Beth laughed, "at home. He just loves to bounce, I thought you had one."

"What kind of bouncer?," Alex asked while he stood on his feet and rocked back and forth smacking his lips.

"You know, they have these kinds that have elastic bands you can hang from the doorway." "I think I know what you're talking about, ill look into it thanks."

Heading to the baby supply store was at the top of her priority list now. She returned to work for the remainder of the day and at five o'clock she picked him up and ventured to the store for some baby proofing materials and the bouncer.

She clipped the shopping bag to her backpack with a carabiner and adjusted the weight between James and all the supplies. She stepped onto the sidewalk in the blazing heat, "feels like were in a dragon's mouth, huh kid?"

She adjusted her glasses while they stood behind the crosswalk, and waited for the little white man to say they could go. She rubbed her hands over his thighs, down to his feet and squeezed them gently. "I still give your mom credit for schlepping herself on the subway and walking everywhere as long as she did," his thrashing feet hit against her hips distracting her, "well aren't you happy, are you trying to run? Should we take the subway or walk it?" He babbled back and snacked on his hand. Alex felt guilty at the prospect of him spending anymore time that day indoors. She endured the sweat puddle that was forming between the two of them, while she strolled the eighteen blocks home.

Her phone alerted as she was walking up the stairs to their apartment when she stopped for a breather and looked at her phone,

where's my kid?!

"Rut roh," she said after looking at how long it took her to get home, "better look extra cute kid." She typed out "look through the peephole," and completed her ascent before she hit send. She adjusted the wrap some and boosted him up toward the peephole and Piper opened the door, "I come in peace," Alex said from behind him and Piper smothered him in kisses.

"Um hello? What am I a damn donkey?," she asked as the blonde head continued her smattering of love for their son and neglected to acknowledge her existence. "I just carried this fifteen pound sack of potatoes and all this baby crap, eighteen blocks, in the blistering heat and I don't even get a kiss?!," she said and noticed the washcloth coming out of Piper's tank top.

"Was this treacherous trek in the blistering heat also accompanied by hail and fifteen feet of snow too?," she asked mocking Alex.

"Wise ass."

"Foul mouth."

"Make it pure," she said snarkily and pressed her lips forward awaiting her kiss.

"As if, no amount of tonsil hockey could ever make that mouth pure," she said while popping a smooch on Alex's mouth.

Jamie reached up and grabbed Piper's hair, "no grab," she said and pried his fingers from around her hair.

"What's with the washcloth," she said tugging the cloth hanging out of Piper's tank top, "new fashion statement? Can I have one? He slimed me when I went to see him on my break earlier," she said trying to locate the stain on her shirt.

"My tit's are leaking everywhere, I thought you'd be home sooner so I held out on pumping and I was low on breast pads so I wanted to save those for work so I just shoved this in."

"You should've told me, I was just at the supply store."

"Well how was I supposed to know what store you were going to?"

"I'll stop again tomorrow and if I'm gonna take a while ill let you know alright? Can you take him?"

"Well hang on let me get this," she pulled off Alex's backpack as the brunette rolled her shoulders back, "what did you get anyway?"

She pulled him out of the wrap and handed him to Piper who took him over to couch and started nursing him immediately.

"Okay so check this out," she pulled the bouncer from the bag, "so we supposedly hook this up in the doorway so he can use his legs to push off the ground and continue to train for his gold medal as a Mexican jumping bean." Piper chuckled and nodded approvingly, "very cool, okay."

"And this," she dumps out dozens of plastic containers, "is because apparently crawling,"

"what?," Piper interrupted with a look of worry, "he crawled?" "what? no, can I finish?"

She stroked his head once before she fondled the ends of her own hair embarrassed to have allowed her neurosis to once again take over, she nodded.

"I was saying that crawling is around the corner apparently and the lady at daycare said to continue moving things for him so that they're just out of reach because he's almost there. But she said the fact that he rolls so much and can push himself up onto his hands means he can already get around to stuff, even if our backs are turned for a second and to start baby proofing now."

Piper did a once over around the room, "so we need to pad all of the corners, lock the doors of all the cabinets, put safety covers on all the outlets." Alex left a hand on her hip and moved her arm around the mess she made on the floor, "right so essentially alter our lives entirely, as usual," she laughed.

A week later, Piper is mid-rant about impossible customers while she rearranges the food on her plate as Alex pours them each a glass of wine but out of experience with the speed racer that sits on Piper's lap, keeps her wife's drink closer to her side of the table.

The blonde picks up the blue rubber block that was dropped on the floor, and rinses it off in the sink and hands it back to her son that's resting on her hip, while she continues to tell Alex about her day.

She sits back down and talks around a forkful of orzo, when he drops the block on the floor again. Piper is completely wrapped up in her tale and Alex purses her lips just slightly as the blonde bends down to pick up the block again to rinse it off, unsure if their son is playing his own game. She returns to the table and adjusts him on her lap, he doesn't even bother putting it in his mouth this time, but blatantly throws it on the floor. Piper sucks her teeth while Alex laughs, "it's not funny Alex. Jamie, no," she scolds him and waves her index finger back and forth. "Don't laugh at him, it's only going to encourage the behavior," she dips her head down to Look at him, "can I please finish talking to your mother?" She takes the block and sets it on the table away from him. He starts wiggling restlessly, failing to get the rubber block and starts fussing. Alex reaches for it to rinse it but Piper raises her eyes at her, "can I finish my story?"

"He's going to go crazy."

"You have an attention deficit."

"I don't, and you're being cranky, it'll take me two seconds," she rinses it off and rolls the block across the table. He swipes his arm across the table and knocks it off; Alex starts cracking up amused with his antics.

He starts squirming again as he can see the blue block on the wooden floor below him and tries to wrestle free from Piper. He shimmed down to where his back was flat on her lap and she re- adjusted him into her right arm so he couldn't see it and was forced to eat with her left hand.

"Want me to take him so you can eat?" "No I'm fine," she said irritated.

James flailed his arms and scooted around her lap, straining his neck around trying to focus on the block and started babbling louder in frustration.

"Um, your son is freaking out," Alex says observing their son who is slowly losing his mind. "My son?"

"Yeah don't you hear him, he's getting louder."

"Is he not your son now?"

"Not when he's throwing tantrums and being like that. When he's funny and adorable and cuddly, he's mine," she says with a sarcastic tone and smirk.

Piper places him in his walker, cleans the block and gives it back to him. He holds onto it with both hands and bites on it as he walks around their table as they finish their dinner.

Piper continues her venting session, they hear him knocking into the legs from underneath the table, Alex looks like she's going to cry from trying to hold in her laughter while she tries to be serious and listen to Piper.

Piper is about to scold her when she feels James' wet hand across her knee. She dips her head under the table and is met with a toothless grin. She sits back up, "he gets this from you, this... this sour-patch kid charm, throwing stuff around and then trying to be all lovey, coating my body in slobber."

"Hey my charm cannot be learned, it's something you're born with. He has a gift, don't question the gift."

He scoots out and looks up at Piper talking to Alex and starts coughing. Piper's attention is immediately broken from her complaining and she crouches beside him. He stops but she swipes a finger through his mouth to check for small objects and finds nothing. She pats his back some, "are you okay baby?," she asks him and lifts him up to sit him on the table and looks at him.

He seems fine and she keeps an eye on him; Alex sits down from the other side of the table and continues talking. After Piper stares at him for a minute or two she finally breaks eye contact, "so then he's going on about how this other store has this entire line of aromatherapy products and I tried to explain to him that we have a similar line, it's just not called that," she stops abruptly as James starts coughing again.

"Oh my God, what's wrong with him, Al?," she looks at her worriedly. She pulls both of his arms up over his head despite knowing he's put nothing new in his mouth as Alex reaches over the table to pat his back. He settles quickly and Piper places her lips to his forehead, "he feels fine, if anything he's cool." She holds down one nostril and he breathes quickly out one side and pulls away. She tries to repeat this on the other side and he thrashes back refusing to comply with such shenanigans.

"Can you get the thermometer?," Piper asks Alex as she pushes her chair back from the table and heads to the bathroom to start steaming up the room.

Alex comes from his room and sits on the toilet as Piper sits on the edge of the tub while Alex sticks the thermometer in his ear. Moments later it beeps "98.2," she says biting her inner cheek. They sit with him in the bathroom for close to an hour and he doesn't cough at all. They settle in to sleep, Piper lays him on his back between them and dotes over him, sweeping his hair back from his face and moves him to the co-sleeper once he's asleep.

He sits undressed down to his diaper on the exam table in Dr. Samuel's office the next morning. Piper keeps a hand on his back while she explains, "and he seemed completely fine, his temperature was normal, he didn't seem congested, and he didn't cough at all throughout the night but then this morning he started to again."

The pediatrician took his temperature again, listened to his heart and lungs, looked into his ears, quickly palpated his abdomen and reassured the worried parents that he was fine.

"Are you trying to say my baby's not sick? Because he coughed several times." "Ms. Vauseman?"

"It's Vause."

"Alex!," Piper cut her eyes surprised at the tone she was taking with their pediatrician, "Dr. Samuels, if he's not sick what would cause the cough? Could it be an allergy? Because I could

clean more but our living space is cleaner than most and I only use hypo-allergenic products around our home."

He shakes his head, "what were you doing while we was coughing?"

Alex wrinkled her eyebrows she shook her head recalling their activity over the last two days to be insignificant.

"Nothing," Piper said also trying to recall anything significant. "We were having dinner last night when it started and we were washing and putting away dishes this morning when it started again."

"And where was he?"

"We don't leave him unattended," she said now becoming defensive herself.

"Sometimes, no matter how much time you spend with them, they do it for attention."

"What? You're saying he's doing it on purpose?," Alex asked.

"Yes, they do it for absolute undivided attention, so it's almost always when they can see you but you're doing something else."

They both turned their heads toward him.

Piper looked back at their doctor, "you're sure he's not sick? Because he did drop a toy on the floor a bunch of times last night but I washed it off before I gave it back to him. Maybe I didn't wash it well enough and there was something small on.."

He continued to shake his head no, "he's a perfectly well, thriving baby. He's doing well," he said while grasping Jamie's hands and moved his arms. Alex smirked as she looked at their son.

"Well you were due to come in within the next week or so for a well visit, do you want to just take care of those things now?" Piper silently nodded her head still in shock. Their pediatrician asked many questions, did a few assessments, ensured their home was baby proofed, and gave them anticipatory guidance to pending milestones like crawling, starting on solid foods and teething. He told them that they could dress him, just to leave his shorts off for some vaccines and stepped out.

"This is unbelievable," Piper said looking at Alex.

"He's brilliant."

Jamie sucked on his bottom lip and repeated "babababababa."

Piper looked at him irritated for having made her so nervous for no reason, "he's cheeky."

"Why are you so upset? Arent you glad he's not sick? We were coming here in a week anyway for a check-up and now it's done," Alex said trying to focus on the positives.

Piper raised her arms up and opened her mouth but it took her a moment to find her words. "He tricked me! I'm getting all worked up over nothing and he's making us look bad like we neglect him." She rubbed a hand over her head and covered her mouth, "maybe I should stay home with him."

"Pipes this isn't the fifties, people work. He has to learn to deal with multiple things occurring around him at the same time. We don't neglect him, we barely put him down!," she said holding up the fabric from their Moby wrap. She shoves the material into their diaper bag and looks around for her pack of gum that she threw among the other dozen objects floating through the bag. "He's just smart Pipes, he knows how to get what he wants."

"He's you!," Piper says to her and exhales a single annoyed puff of air. "Do you think he learned this?"

"Yeah we get together while you're sleeping and plan our high jinks," she says slightly insulted at Piper's obvious annoyance of her and their son's similar characteristic. "No, I think he's really freaking smart and saw how much we freaked out at the first cough like typical inexperienced parents and had a field day."

Piper frowned slightly and shook her head, unimpressed. "What are you looking for?" "Your big girl panties." She pulled out her pack of gum and offered Piper a piece.

"So you're not at all annoyed by this?"

"There are worse things. We just have to not play into it all the time."

Piper held onto both of his legs while they waited for the nurse to return. He rubbed the bracelets on her wrists and babbled looking up to her.

"Mmm, hmm," she nodded with tired heavy eyes and exuded a soft laugh, "you're too much," she said kissing the top of his head.

"Alright here we are," the nurse said as she brought in two syringes with a multitude of vaccine vials. "He's getting two?," Piper questioned eyeing the two syringes.

"It's about six today, but I can draw several of them up at the same time so it's still just two injections."

"Is that necessary?," Alex asked standing up, "Sorry, we weren't expecting to do this today, we didn't have a chance to read up on them."

"That's alright, so these," she separated some of the vials, "are boosters or additional doses of vaccines that he's already gotten, and these are new."

"Can he just get the one injection of vaccines he's already received and the others another time? He just gets really fussy after shots and with potential reactions and stuff, I'd like them spaced." Piper rubbed her hands over his back appreciative of Alex's ability to voice concerns over whatever she'd read in the past.

"That's fine, you're his parents. I'll just let Dr. Samuels know and ill put a note in his chart that you'll return at a later time to get the remaining vaccines."

The nurse gave him his shot, he opened his mouth and inhaled while his bottom lip quivered before he let out a loud cry.

"Oh its okay kiddo. I hope he doesn't think when he coughs his gonna come here and get a shot now. I don't want to stunt his creative genius," Alex said while Piper rocked him in her arms.

Alex strapped him into his car seat while Piper started the car and adjusted the mirrors. They were mid-conversation on the drive home when he started coughing again. Piper naturally started to slow the car down but then picked up speed again, "no, I'm not even going to look at him, not encouraging it."

He started to cough again, worry took over her face so she looked into the rearview mirror and tried to see him in the baby mirror that faced his rear facing car seat. Alex reached a hand back, making contact with his head as she felt his head tip back to look up. She sat up some to look over her shoulder to make sure he was alright and saw him smiling up at her. She bit her lips together, "he's fine." Piper bit her tongue between her lips and nodded knowingly.

They got home and placed him in the bouncer and watched him bounce up and down, alternating his feet like he was tap dancing and swing from the cushioned seat. After a while he lets his legs go limp and hangs lazily until he sees Piper looking at him. He sits up and reaches his arms out to her. She scoops him out and he paws at her chest excitedly, "this is all I'm good for now, I'm a human cow." He starts nursing and starts playing with her hair, she looks down and he's stares right into her eyes. She lets the multitude of feelings consume her.

She feels taken advantage of, naïve at how clever he already was. She felt saddened that some milestones were about to become old news but excited for the new ones that were about to come. More than anything, no matter how overwhelmed she felt or the level of frustration that took over, when he grasped her hair for comfort and looked into her eyes like he did like this with every feeding, she was melting with love.

Alex sat down beside her and made a list of vegetables to puree for him to try over the week. "It says not to introduce them to _fruit_ too early because once they taste it they don't want anything else," she says as she adjusts her glasses, "well I don't know if I should be insulted or flattered."

Piper peers at her, not amused, now convinced that he'll pick up all of Alex's bad habits. She looks at Alex lovingly stroke their sons head and snickers. He'll pick up the great characterists too; her wife was right there were far worse things. She moved down to the floor with him and lays on her back with her hands clasped behind her head. He sits beside her and grabs her shirt while she supervises any pending mischief while Alex continues to read out loud the latest parenting advice on solid food introduction.

He leans up from his tummy and rocks back and forth on his knees, but comes down back onto his tummy and army crawls towards Piper. She excitedly leans her neck up and whispers to Alex, "he's crawling, well sort of." Alex looks up from reading and Piper backs away from him another foot and he continues to slither across the floor toward her. She claps her hands together quickly, "oh my God, you are a genius," she lifts him up and kisses his cheeks and his neck and looks into his eyes. He leans into her with a wide open mouth and screeches while he sucks on her face.

"Mine," Alex says as she leans over them.

"What you're gonna fight with him now?"

Alex looks at Piper like she's full of herself, "no," she says with a hooked eyebrow and a wicked smirk. "When he's like this," she waves her hand over them and points to herself, "he's my son."


	16. Chapter 16

16

Alex hopped on one foot, as she finished zipping up her boot, toward the ringing house line, "hello?"

"Hi, is this James' mom?," said a small proper voice "Yes?," the brunette answered confusedly.

"I was just calling to RSVP to James' party," the voice continued, "did I make the VIP list?," Nicky's tone questioned sarcastically.

"Why the hell are you calling the house line? No one ever uses this number, I almost broke my neck." All that came from the other end was wild cackling.

"You didn't need to actually RSVP and besides I'd kick your ass if you ever dared to have anything more important to do on his day," Alex ranted.

"Just calling the number that was listed on my invitation, thank you very much, and why the hell did I get an invite with all this confetti shit pouring out over my damn floor if I didn't need to RSVP?"

"Piper insisted on sending them out for keepsakes and thought it would be easier to keep track of people and that we shouldn't just assume people could make it."

"I can't believe your squirt is going to be one already." "You're telling me."

"You guys need me to bring anything?"

"Nah, just yourself we should have it covered. I might need you to pick up some stuff the day of."

Alex glances around their table at their family and friends who are singing Happy Birthday to their baby. She snaps a photo of Piper and James until Polly takes it from her and tells her to get near her family. Jamie stands on a chair supported by Piper's arm that's around his torso, preventing him from touching the flame that he keeps pointing to. He reaches for the cake, Piper leans in with him and blows out his candle, while Alex takes the "1" candle out of the cake. Jamie's eyes track the candle and watches Alex rub the frosting off with her index finger and wipe it onto his nose. He smiles at the contact, he doesn't notice the frosting on the tip of his nose, he turns back to his cake and grabs the edge with both hands and takes away two fistfuls of crumbly birthday cake.

Later into the night, the party is over, most of the apartment is cleaned up and Piper sits on the couch with her eyes closed, a one year old Jamie lies fast sleep on her chest. Alex kneels onto the arm of the couch and watches her family for a moment before rubbing Piper's shoulder, "he's still sticky," the blonde sleepily whispers, despite their numerous attempts to keep him clean throughout the day. "We'll hose him down tomorrow," Alex responds taking James from her embrace; she brings him to his room and sets him down to sleep in his crib. She returns with a flat black velvet box. Piper looks at her with shifty eyes as Alex holds it out to her.

"What's this?"

"I didn't want you to get all jealous when the apartment was filled with presents and none of them were for you," she says poking Piper in her side with an open mouthed smile.

"Haha," she says before she opens the box to reveal dangly pearl earrings and a matching necklace.

"Al...,"

"Too traditional?"

"No," is all the blonde can muster still taken aback by Alex's never ending successful gestures to keep her wooed.

"I figured you could wear it on our night out," she says with a genuine soft smile.

Piper traces a finger over her new necklace and tries to fight her smile, "where are we going?"

"The River Café...," Piper's eyes bug out of her head as her mouth drops ready to suggest something more modest; Alex raises her hands to halt the blonde's attempt at a rebuttal, "I figured if it's not too freezing we could walk across the Brooklyn Bridge like we used to."

"Al it's too expensive," she said nibbling at the skin on her thumb. "We can go somewhere else like La Lanterna de Vittorio. It's romantic and a lot more reasonable."

"It's already done," she says as she pinches Piper's lips together with both of her hands, "not another word. We deserve this okay?"

Piper nodded, closed the box and pulled Alex on top of her lap, kissing her deeply. "Do we have a reservation for a specific date? I could ask Polly if she could watch him."

"Already," she kisses the blonde, "done."

"She's gonna watch him?"

"Mmm, hmm," she continues planting kisses along Piper's jawline, lingering close to her neck allowing the hot air from behind her lips to tease the nerves along the blondes skin, "all-night- long." Piper hums out a naughty laugh. "I cannot wait to have an entire night of just us, I need to make this good." Piper runs her hands underneath her shirt and rubs her back, "good how? Tell me what you want to do to me."

"Oh I've had my eye on something, but have been waiting for the right time. Now we'll have time. An entire night," she kisses her, "of uninterrupted," she kisses her again, "time," she grunts.

"Well then I get to go shopping for something too," Piper tells her while both her hands are tangled in the dark raven hair; she pulls her close so that Alex's forehead is pressed against hers.

"Get whatever you want," the brunette tells her as she grinds her hips lower into the thighs she's seated upon and sucks on the pulse point along Piper's neck. Alex's phone buzzes across the end table, she turns her head away from Piper's neck and sees a photo on her phone. She leans away and checks her phone.

"Um, turn off!," Piper says frustrated as Alex broke away from the spot on her neck that made her toes curl in favor of her cell.

"Well, fuck," the brunette says with a humbled expression as she places the phone back on the table beside them, "sorry."

"What's up?"

Alex bit down on her bottom lip and sighed adjusting her glasses, "I may have hurt Nicky's feelings earlier."

"What'd you do?"

"I was just discussing, well confirming really, our plans with Polly to make sure we were all set and Nicky asked me why she hadn't been asked to look after him," Alex states curling her lips off to the side in a slight frown.

"Aww, I wouldn't mind her watching him, she always seems more comfortable hanging out with him while we're in the room though and Polly just has more experience, especially overnight? What did you tell her?"

"Pretty much that, but I may not have been as nice about it. I kind of made fun of her and said she would call an ambulance if he sneezed or coughed," Alex winced at the irony of how Piper and she had overreacted to similar symptoms in the past.

Piper slapped Alex's thigh, "like were such hot shots!"

"I know, I'm a jerk alright! She asked me how she was supposed to have more experience if we never call her to watch him for us."

"Al, she was being completely heartfelt! And its true," she said biting her lip, "maybe we could let her take him for an afternoon or something. I mean I kind of feel bad calling my parents or leaving him with Polly all the time, especially if she wants to stay with him- she wouldn't let anything happen to him."

"I told her to take a CPR course and we'd talk," Alex admitted and shielded her head with her arms ready for Piper's attack.

"Alex! You really can be so heartless! She's one of our best friends! It must have really bothered her to have even said anything in the first place."

Alex reached over for her phone, punched in her code on her keypad and showed her the infant/child CPR confirmation photo from Nicky.

"Oh God, I hope you're happy." "Well I feel like an asshole now."

"Serves you right for saying that to her. Polly's not even CPR certified, at least I don't think she is."

"Yeah but she has life experience of whacking her kids back to dislodge swallowed pennies and junk. You'd really have been okay with leaving him with Nicky without any experience or anything?"

Piper hung her head slightly sneaking a glare at Alex ashamed, "I guess not, I'd actually feel a lot better with the certification."

"So I just took the asshole title for both of us, it's cool." Her shoulders shook as she chuckled looking at her phone again, "I can't believe her though."

"She's pretty amazing," Piper said as she shook her head in disbelief. "She really loves him babe, and probably already felt nervous and slightly incompetent, so saying she needed to take a course first was kind of like twisting the knife she already stabbed herself with."

"I know, I'm the shittiest friend ever, thanks!," Alex said standing up as she tucked her hair behind her ear. "I need to make it up to her," she said as she locked eyes with Piper's velvet box and beckoned for it, "gimme that back."

"No way, you just gave this to me, Indian giver! Figure out another way to make it up to her without involving my pearls."

"You want to see if she wants to watch him that night?"

"You could ask her, especially if she'll have this under her belt? She can have him all weekend!" Alex shot a hungry glance at her wife, "don't tease me Chapman."

"Dead serious Vause."

Alex sent Nicky a text apologizing and Nicky turned her down in revenge, hoping her decline would withhold Alex from receiving sex of any kind for a longer duration of time.

"Thank you so much Pol, we'll call you in the morning before we head over. Or just call us if anything comes up and you need us earlier for anything."

"Goodbye Piper," Polly says with Jamie sitting on her hip, "we'll be fine, I have watched a baby once or twice before."

"Thanks Polly, Finn show him the ropes okay?," Alex said with a thumbs up to Finn. He nodded with a thumbs up and punched her fist, they opened and wiggled their fingers. Piper and Polly exchanged glances and rolled their eyes, "anyway, have fun you guys, no worrying about us."

Alex unlocked the passenger door and shut the door behind Piper, she unlocked the trunk, took out a small gift bag and got in on the drivers side. She dangled the bag from her index finger toward Piper, "para mi amor."

"Now what did you get me?," Piper asked taking the bag and hitting the light above their heads, "black panties, thanks, but unlike you, I'm already wearing some."

"Just swap em."

"In the car? I look relatively classy tonight, could I try to uphold the vibe?" Alex snickered at this, "put-them-on."

"You're so bossy," she said as she lifted up from the seat and snaked her already fancy panties that she'd picked out for tonight, down her legs and slipped the new ones on, "bossy Vausey."

"Thank you," she said pecking her on the mouth while pulling the blondes bottom lip out just slightly.

Midway through the city on their way downtown, Alex rummaged through her bag with one hand, careful to keep her eye on the road. She pulled out a slim pink and black object and handed it to Piper, "slip it in."

"Slip it in where?!," she shockingly asked while dipping her head towards Alex.

"In the panties, there's a pocket," she said shooting her a wicked smirk and threw her a wink.

"Are you serious?," she said raising her dress slightly, she felt around, located the pocket and slipped in the vibrator, "because talking in the car on the way to dinner would've been too ordinary?"

Alex raised the cuff of her sleeve to her mouth and said "yes."

Piper's legs tensed straight in front of her as the vibrator started to pulse. "Okay, what the hell, you control it?"

Alex turned her head slightly and raised her thin eyebrow. She turned her gaze to the road and brought her wrist up to her mouth again and said, "yes," and started laughing causing Piper to readjust her hips at the constant pulsing. "I have a remote but it's also sound controlled."

Alex flipped through some radio stations and found one that played a song with a strong base, cackling wickedly as Piper gripped the door handle while using her other hand to blindly try to find the dial to lower the volume.

Alex relented by turning the music off and turned the toggle to off on the remote in her pocket. She started to circle looking for parking on the Manhattan side of the Brooklyn Bridge.

Piper readjusted herself in the seat, fanning her face, trying to cool herself down from her build up without release, "why are you parking here?"

"So we can walk across the bridge. I know its a little cold but it's doable," Alex continued down the street slowly looking back and forth for an open spot.

"Fuck the bridge, can we just drive to the restaurant so we can get home faster?," Piper asked with a slight whine, while she ran her hand behind Alex's neck and raked her hands through her hair.

"That's my girl," she responded amused and drove across the bridge towards the restaurant.

They arrived, had their coats checked and were escorted to a table by the window overlooking the downtown Manhattan skyline and the Statue of Liberty.

"This is gorgeous baby, thanks for arranging everything," she said reaching over to grasp Alex's hand.

"Pardon me ladies, would you like to start with something to drink?"

"We'll start with...two glasses of Krug?," she looks over at Piper for approval.

Piper gives a reluctant nod now being well versed in various wines and champagnes. She cringes at the thought of the effect this will have on their wallet.

"We only live once kid," she says squeezing Piper's hand knowing that face all too well.

"Yeah mortgage, schmortgage."

The waiter returned with their champagne and took down their order. Alex raised her hand to let Piper order first. The blonde read out her appetizer and continued, "i'll have the L-ahhhhh-bster," she tried holding herself together as the vibrations sent a shock to her core.

Alex held herself together for her order, the waiter left and she felt Piper pinch her under the table. Alex set her bent elbows on the table and let her chin rest on her wrists, "wanna take a walk outside?," she asked Piper while discreetly speaking into her sleeve. Piper moved Alex's hands away from her face.

"Alex! This is a nice place, stop it."

The brunette reached into her pocket and turned on the lowest setting while standing up and pulling Piper's chair out to go walk outside. She was amused as she watched Piper try to walk normally toward the glass doors toward the patio and gardens. She bumped up the pulse by two beats. Piper walked faster and gripped her hands tightly on the rail that looked out onto the East River. Alex stood next to her, placing a hand over the blonde's and hit the off button in her pocket, "no more nonsense," she tries to reassure Piper that she's safe but cant help but smirk.

"Mmm, hmm just wait," Piper tells her with just a smidge of spunk. They walk hand in hand around the garden and catch up on each others lives, uninterrupted for the first time in a long while. They're re-seated inside and remark over dinner how their year has been one of the most challenging but one of the most fulfilling as well.

Alex kept her promise to keep her hand off the remote until they were waiting for the valet to bring their car around. Piper hastily got in and Alex drove them home. Alex played around with the different levels of the vibrator getting Piper close to her release but then always turning it off with frustration from the blonde. As they walked in their door, Piper swiftly removed the panties and pulled Alex toward their bedroom and started to tear her clothes off. She ran her hands over Alex's body and guided Alex's hand toward her center, "holy shit babe you're soaking wet."

"No talking, you teased me all night, fuck me."

"Uhhh you always sound so hot when you demand things from me," she coated her fingers as she traced her fingers from the soft curls to her opening and slid her fingers into Piper, moving them in and out rapidly until the blonde moaned out loudly everything she'd managed to hold in throughout the night.

She laid underneath Alex while her heart rate slowed and the sweat along her body cooled. She crawled toward her side of the bed and reached underneath it and pulled out a black toy that looked like their harness but they didn't keep it there. Piper slipped Alex's feet one at a time through each loop and brought it up to her thighs. "Turn around," she said while dragging her nails up her wife's legs. Alex turned over while Piper lightly traced her fingertips over her sweat coated back and caressed her way lower, cupping the brunette's behind.

"Bend over."

Alex looks over her shoulder and comes up to her knees while leaning forward and resting her head on her arms.

"Uh uh, arm," Piper reaches for one of her arms and velcro's it into the strap attached to the brunette's thigh. Alex wiggles her bound wrist, "shit this is really tough, where'd you get this?"

"Other arm," Piper ignores her and binds her remaining wrist to her other thigh and slaps her lightly on the ass.

She goes over to the drawer where they keep their intimate objects, pulls out a vibrator and turns it on, "my turn."


	17. Chapter 17

References to Caught in the Whirlwind, chapters 4&5.

* * *

17

Piper leans over Alex and drags her hardened nipples along the skin of her back. She lets the vibrator shake against Alex's need and leans back to take in the sight. She thrusts the vibrator into Alex's soaked sex causing the brunette to lean back to accomadate the toy that filled her suddenly. Just looking at her wife's fine ass bent over completely vulnerable, rids of her any ability to restrain her own hands. She reaches between her captive's legs and feels the wetness that aches to be caressed. She removes her hand and presses herself against Alex's ass, she paints the brunette's lips with her own scent. Alex licks her lips clean, annoyed and moaning in frustration as this is not the taste she craves.

"Mmm," Piper grunts in response to Alex's grievance and wipes her own scent on the restrained brunette's upper lip just beneath her nostrils. Piper's scent overcomes her and she rocks back against the smooth rhythm of the vibrator, when it stops.

"Oh fuck you, I complied," she says as she wiggles her hands, displaying that she followed along with Piper's bondage session.

"Because you didn't have a choice, don't go around acting as if you're such a good sub. You knew it wouldn't be that easy."

Alex begs for her to let her go, to let her change positions. She says shes willing to acquiesce, and Piper says she'll undo her wrists so she can change her position but only one at a time, having played Alex's game before.

Piper unstraps one wrist and Alex turns onto her back. Piper used her position to her advantage and pins Alex's arm down to the bed with her knee before she even came close to unstrapping her remaining limb. She struggles against Alex's strength, but ties her left wrist with a scarf to the bedpost. "I could leave you with one bent leg or you can let me continue and I can make you more comfortable," she says mounting her like a cowgirl, her outstretched arm pressing a hand against her forehead, keeping her down, "your choice."

Alex doesn't respond. Piper cups her breasts and aimlessly rubs, letting the pads of her finger tips roll over the brunette's nipples making them harden.

A devious smirk stretches slowly across Alex's mouth and pulls up at the corner.

Piper raises an eyebrow, unsure if the reaction is illicited from the way shes teasing her nipples or something else.

"Would never have bet my life that you had this in you."

Piper's hands freeze. She remembers the first time she dominated Alex; she remembers back to that night, how Alex cared for her, and didn't mock her alcohol intolerance, well didn't mock her much. She remembers feeling grateful as Alex let go and opened up to her, allowing her wall to come down for a few moments; she remembers that night vividly, being overcome with love, feeling this need to wrap herself around the brunette and never let go.

Alex thrust her hips up slightly as she noted Piper looking at her but that her mind was somewhere else, the blondes eyes focused deeper into Alex's, a small smile emerged.

"You know, that was the first night I realized I was in love with you," Alex said to her staring directly into Piper's lustful blue eyes. "I knew from then, that anything I thought I knew about you, should be taken with a grain of salt."

They'd known each other for almost two decades but anytime Alex told her things like this, her heart melted. She kisses the brunette's malleable lips.

"An infinite onion you are," Alex says barely above a whisper. Piper scrunched her face before she sharply pinches a nipple,

"Ouch!," the brunette's eyebrows angrily deepen. She tries to move her shoulder to soothe her sore, burning nipple but cant reach it.

"Stop distracting me with your love!," Piper states while dipping her head down to kiss her wife's aching flesh. She returns a hand to the mound on Alex's chest and rolls her nipple between her pointer finger and her thumb, "are you going to behave?," she sultrily musters while she strokes the brunette's wrist that's still bound to her thigh with her other hand.

She leans back against Alex's still bent knee and fondles the strand of hair that lies against her chest and looks at the nonexistent watch on her other wrist showing shes in no rush to speed this process as she tries to ignore the urge to touch herself. Alex rarely complies to being the sub because Piper draws everything out far too long.

Piper drags her nails along the underside of Alex's bent thigh just skimming the crease of her need. She stares into Alex's dangerously confident eyes, try me, they taunt the blonde. Her dark hair is gorgeously splayed all around the perimeter of her pale skin. Piper leans in and kisses her so roughly that she has to turn her face away to catch her breath, "ok fucking do what you want, whatever is going to get me off faster."

Piper flashes her a wicked smirk and ties her other wrist to the opposite bedpost, and nips her shoulder. She scoots her knees besides the dark haired womans ears, and is about to adjust so that she isn't kneeling on her hair but uses this to her advantage. She starts noisily masterbating above the brunette. Alex strains her neck upward but comes a few inches short of making contact with the moisture she caused earlier. She feels Alex whisper a swear with hot breath against her wetness, "come down a little, I want to do that."

"Do what?," Piper asks working the dumb blonde tone.

"Make you come, I'm right fucking here," she says with annoyance at the disrespect. She draws a knee up to get Piper to lean forward some; Piper falls forward and grabs onto the headboard but keeps herself tall still out of Alex's reach.

She knows the tease of her scent, on top of the close proximity of their bodies, is enough to drive Alex completely mad. She lowers herself just enough to receive a lap of magic from Alex's tongue with every intent to turn around and 69 her but cannot move herself from the smooth velvet of Alex's tongue, nor the pants of hot air that escape from her filthy mouth.

Two hands grasp tightly to the headboard and her muscles do everything to hold her from crushing her wife's face below her. She wants to ride her face roughly but knows she'll get to her release faster if she lets Alex do what she should've been awarded an honorary doctorate for.

She backs away from Alex and gets off the bed for fear she'll keep giving Alex what she wants if she doesn't give herself some space, "Piper I swear to God if you walk out right now, i'll..."

"You'll what?!," a small maniacal laugh escapes her as she raised her wrists above her head, "nothing." She scrolls to a playlist that she created, waiting to use it for the right night, and places her phone into the dock on Alex's nightstand. She straightens her back and stretches before falling forward onto her elbows and leans into Alex, "relax." She kisses her lips, leaving them glossy and swipes her tongue across the white bottom row of imperfect teeth. "If you even try to be demanding, i'll go slower, you've been warned."Alex drags her foot across the sheets and smacks Piper's ass with her foot, Piper slaps it away.

 _We have a special need to feel that we belong, come with me inside inside my velvet rope._ She kisses down Alex's pale, soft flesh and sucks hard on the skin of her torso, leaving a trail of hickey's.

 _Que se preparen que lo que viene es pa' que le den...duro!/Be prepared because what is coming will be coming at her...hard!_ She continues to suck on the skin, while she slips a single finger into Alex's drenched center and teases her curled finger against her g spot to a filthy reggaeton song that she's rubbed her ass along the tall brunette's thigh's countless amounts of times in clubs around the world years ago.

 _Mami, ya yo se que tu no te me vas a quitar...,duro!/ Mami, I already know that you won't quit...hard!_ She slips a second finger into the trembling space between Alex's legs, her second finger gets sucked in as Alex's hips rocking bringing her digits in deeper.

 _Lo que me gusta es que tu te dejas llevar...duro!/What I like is that you allow yourself to be taken away...hard!_ Alex's hips are bucking wildly, as Piper wills her own need away at the sound of Alex's gasps and cries with every slam of her fingers. "Don't you dare fucking stop," Alex says in a serious tone. The demand is enough for Piper to slowly withdraw her fingers leaving Alex hanging. The brunette slams her foot into the bed, "you fucking bitch!," she pants out. This is the only time Piper allows this kind of language, understanding the frustration. "Well don't hold back," she says in response to the words Alex chose to use, "I could do this all night."

The brunette's eyes radiate fire, her lips tremble to swallow her words. Piper remounts Alex, rubbing her cunt against the brunette's mound in circles to rest of "Gasolina," before laying her hot sweaty skin atop Alex. Alex grunts at the loss of contact of their centers and gently bites Piper along her jawline, but manages to stifle any complaint. Piper decided this is worthy of reward and positions herself in reverse cowgirl and grasps the headboard behind her with both hands, _baby do you dare to do this,_ and let's Alex ravage her, _cause im coming at you like a dark horse._ A dark horse indeed.

She sucks Piper clean and continues to lick her sensually as Piper hesitantly releases her grasps from the headboard and crawls down so she's aligned with the spot she's teased throughout the night. She turns on the vibrator and lets it hum in pulses against Alex's lips, teasing the rounded edge near her entrance. Alex's body stills with anticipation of being filled again, as Piper slips it in just slightly. Alex vigorously dances her tongue into Piper's opening and Piper realizes she wont be able to fight her will any longer, she needs to come when Alex comes. She rhythmically pumps the toy in and out as her wife lifts her hips with each thrust. She wrapped an arm around the brunette's outer thigh to steady herself, she felt her own back arch as Alex lifted higher and higher and heard her animalistic groans and knew she was near her edge. Alex's noises started tipping her to the point of no return, "you're so nasty," she pants to Alex before wrapping her lips around Alex's swollen nub knowing this would get her to the exact peak that she'd climbed all night. Piper blows cool air against her clit as she removes the vibrator and flattens her tongue against all of Alex, licking her snatch at the rhythm of her wife's last groans. Alex is louder than she's ever heard her, she cant hold out any longer, she pressed back hard against Alex's mouth and moans out her own release as Alex's hips rise once more and she feels Alex's scream against her sex. She lays atop the brunette as her body shakes out multiple orgasms in a perfect rhythm three seconds apart until her body has nothing left to give. Piper raised up on her arms as if she's going to do a push up and hangs her head viewing Alex from upside down.

"Whew," the brunette exhales with a satisfied smile. Piper leans back, and drags her breasts along Alex's face until she's sitting behind Alex's head and releases her wrists. The brunette pulls her arms close to her body to sooth the ache from being stretching overhead before lacing them behind Piper's back and pulls her down to kiss her, "I love you Pipes."

"I love that you tell me that all the time, each time still sounds as good as the first time," she pauses, "I missed you."

Alex nods, still catching her breath, "I wouldn't change our lives, but I wish we had more time."

"The 5 minute game isn't doing it for you anymore?"

"It's been an interesting challenge, figuring out how to please you in 5 minutes."

"It's not that hard, I used to give you more of a challenge."

"And I also know every part of your body, so..?"

"You've always known exactly how to work me."

Alex blew hot air onto her fingertips and brushed them along her shoulder. Piper shoved her, "you don't have to gloat. Cant you just humbly take the compliment?"

"No way! Anytime I can revel in my awesomeness, I'm doing it," she said as she brushed a blonde strand away from Piper's face and tucked it behind her ear. She caught a glimpse of a picture of the three of them on Piper's night stand, "I miss him."

Piper sat up and leans back on her feet, "I know, I do too."

"I'm gonna take Nicky out one night, try to make up for my assholeyness, I'll see if she'd be up for taking him once a month or so, so we can have some space."

A few months later Alex is unloading the dishwasher while Jamie pretends to feed Piper an assortment of plastic delicacies from his toy kitchen. He loses interest and Piper starts to clear off their dining table from lunch. He toddles over and leans on the horizontal door of the dishwasher. Alex scoots him away and continues to stack the dishes before putting them away and closes the cabinet door.

"I'm gonna get in the shower," Piper says as she places the dirty dishes into the sink while James leans onto the dishwasher door once again, "please stop that!," Alex lowers her voice toward him. He throws himself onto the floor and starts whining, "oh no," Alex says as she dries her hands on the dishtowel hanging off the refrigerator door.

"Just ignore him," Piper says pulling Alex's hand.

"And let this kind of behavior slide? We're not raising a tyrant."

"He needs a nap," Piper says gently looking at the clock. "I'll put him down, I don't want him to be horrible for Nicky," she says rubbing her thumb along the back of Alex's hand.

"No, I got him, go shower." She scoops him off the floor and holds him against her tight, "c'mon buddy, no screaming, okay?" Piper rolls her eyes and gets in the shower. Alex reads him a story and lays him down for a nap, he fusses and cries for a few moments while she closes the door and leans against the wall out of his sight, until he settles.

They return late into the night, she points at the wild haired blonde curled up on their couch, "success," Piper whispers as they walked into their apartment filled with nothing but silence.

"Ill wake her up, go check on him," Alex tells her.

Piper quickly returned and stopped in her tracks as Alex stared over Nicky sleeping with her arm around their son, appearing heartbroken. Piper placed an open palm between Alex's shoulder blades, causing the brunette to sharply inhale at the contact. She reached back for Piper and turned out to walk out of their living room. Alex lifted her glasses on top of her head and rubbed at her eyes, "Litchfield really fucked me up Pipes." The blonde stroked her hand over the dark straight hair and pulled her into her chest and let her wife continue.

"There were so many days where I'd ask myself what's the point, you know? Why get up and do what you're told," she paused and sniffed back," to avoid a longer sentence? So what I can rush out and do what? Take myself to a movie, go to dinner with myself, buy myself a first class ticket and go vacationing alone?"

Piper squeezed her tightly to her chest having asked herself that same question so many times as she stared at the oatmeal colored cinder blocks of her bunk until her eyes glazed over. But she'd tried to remind herself the situation was temporary, there were a strong network of people who loved her on the outside, who were waiting for her despite how unworthy she felt of their support. Even in the darkest moments when she felt she had let everyone down and burnt her bridges with her friends and family on the outside and then Alex on the inside, she tried to keep a sparkle of hope that things would work out. She tried to will herself that she hadn't completely ruined the chance of reasoning with Alex about the possibility of having some sort of plan, even if it was broad in favor of not flying by the seat of their pants for the rest of their lives. It was all she had, that little sparkle, to keep her from plunging over the edge that frightened her so.

"I never thought I'd have all this again, somewhere that I'd think truly felt like home," she continued telling Piper, "that I could get the same high- no, an even better high watching this little person who wouldn't have even existed if it weren't for us, take his first steps just a few feet away from where he's sleeping now beside my best fucking friend in the whole world," she released a sob.

"I mean I hate that I'm a mess over this but why did I get so many chances, huh? I could've gotten arrested years earlier and I could've OD'ed when I was so depressed, or got released without a single person who gave a shit about me. Instead I got you back and I made friends who ill have this bond with that no one on the outside could ever understand. I'll be friends with that girl until we're shitting in adult diapers and blaming the smell on each other."

Piper laughed and wipes Alex's eyes with her thumb as Alex leaned back into her, "like I know it's kind of ridiculous to use the word lucky but that's exatly how I feel babe. Why did I get another chance with you? Why are we lucky enough to have this comfortable life, jobs we enjoy, a beautiful smart, funny son who just smashes me into pieces whenever he smiles at me and calls me mama. Then our friends, our family- fuck, the fact that I have a friend who has helped me through so much shit, stood by me when I vowed to be the best me I could be for you and now she's laying on our couch watching our baby, making sure he's safe, and happy and taken care of- she bent over backwards to show how serious she was about being a reliable person for us to leave him with. Like who does that Pipes?"

She pinches Alex's cheek just a tad too hard, "emo."

Alex pulls away from her and exhales. "No, I know baby," Piper settles Alex's head back against her, "I dreaded every second leading up to Litchfield. I had all of these pre-conceived ideas of what to expect. I was told not to make friends and I feel like I left with so much more than just friendships, it's on an entirely different level, we made a different kind of family in there."

Alex hardens her mouth and her wet eyes and nods. She interlocks her fingers with Piper's and kisses the back of her hand. "So much of it is just basic life stuff, but I feel lucky to have the normal ittle little things in my life, I'm just genuinely happy, but now I'm terrified to lose it."

"Me too." Alex looks up at hearing her words and finds comfort in their shared fears.

She slowly walks, almost tip-toes toward the couch not wanting to wake Nicky but then realized how much her friend would panic if she woke up and found Jamie missing. She nudged her arm gently, "Nick?, wake up."

"Mmm, five more minutes."

"You can stay there, I'm just gonna take James to bed, okay?"

She settled him down into his crib, before returning with a blanket to cover her friend and planted a kiss on the top of Nicky Nichol's head, "thanks Nick."

* * *

"Mamaaaaaaa," they heard through the static on the baby monitor.

"Rock, paper, scissors says shoot."

Piper's paper covered Alex's rock, "I will give you ten dollars if you get up."

"Why would I ever accept ten dollars in exchange for more sleep, you're dreaming."

Alex grumbled and trudged into his room, "hey Jamie bug." He was standing in his crib, looking at the door waiting for someone to rescue him from the wooden bars of his prison.

"Did you have a good sleep?," she asked with a chuckle as she lifted him over the rail and onto her hip smoothing down the cowlick that immediately sprung back into place. She laid him down on his changing table to change his diaper before walking into the living room and plopping him down onto the blanket that lay atop Nicky. Alex made faces at her while she slept and poked her cheeks while Jamie looked on and let out small giggles.

Nicky started to rise,"hey kiddo," she said as he rubbed his hand on her face like Alex just had. "I'm gonna make some pancakes, what kind do you want?"

"Banana, walnut?"

"Sounds good."

Alex sliced the bananas thinly and smashes the walnuts with the edge of a wide knife, slides her hand across the cutting board spilling some of the walnuts on the floor and curses under her breath. She bends down and starts picking up the pieces off the floor.

"You're so anal," Nicky calls her out on her compulsions, "he's gonna knock half of the stuff on the floor while we're eating, just clean it up once we're done. "

"I'm not anal, I just have to pick up while I go or it gets out of control."

H"Whatever, anal. Speaking of anal, d'you guys get it on last night? I was passed out so I genuinely didn't hear anything."

"Could you not say anal repetitively while you're holding my kid? Have some fucking manners," she laughs.

Nicky covers his ears, while crossing her eyes at him, trying to get him to smile. "So did you?"

"Yeah we fucked with you in the next room," Alex says sarcastically.

Nicky shrugs her shoulders, "wouldn't be the first time."

Alex flips her off, "No...," she says, "well not here anyway," she smiles cockily and dances her shoulders, "and I don't take it up the ass anyways."

Alex creates a shortstack and sets it in the middle of the table and takes Jamie to settle him into his highchair, "can you go wake up Piper and tell her breakfast's ready?"

"Is she dressed?"

"No she's sprawled spread eagle waiting for you. Jesus, do you think we're naked all the time?"

Nicky shrugs her shoulders and goes to get Piper.

"Thanks again for watching him yesterday," she says to Nicky, sitting down at the table to join her family. Alex hands Jamie a fork as he stabs a whole pancake and tries to lift it to his face.

Piper stops him and quickly cuts his pancake into small pieces. They have breakfast together and after he's done, he plays with the remaining pieces, squishing them into the tray of his high chair.

"No," Alex tells him wagging a finger back and forth, "don't play with your food."

He wags a finger back, "no, no, no."

"Can I have that please?," Piper asks holding a hand out to the piece of pancake he is now squishing tightly in his fist?

He hands it to her willingly, "thank you sweet pea," she kisses his sticky cheek.

He lifts a piece of walnut from his tray with a pincer grasp, it slips from his grasp and lands on the floor. He leans over the edge of the chair and spots the walnut, "anal," he says.

Alex's eyes widen as Piper stares down a hysterically laughing Nicky, if looks could kill.


	18. Chapter 18

18

Sunday mornings were always their favorite. No one had to be at work, Jamie didn't have tumbling tots, they could wake up and start the day on their own clock without anywhere significant to be; Sunday's were sacred.

Like an old wise rooster, Jamie called out once and waited until one of them came to retrieve him. They'd considered leaving the side of the crib down low enough that he could get out on his own but feared he wouldn't come straight to their room and what he would do after with his new found freedom. While they were thrilled that he was a curious kid, and encouraged his explorations, he was not fearful of much: this resulted in him changing the lowest 3 feet of his bedroom walls to primarily colors while Piper fell asleep one afternoon while playing in his room. They'd used a toilet cleaner that turned the water blue which was entirely too fascinating and they caught him up to his elbow swirling the blue toilet water, screaming with happiness as it splashed on the sides.

This morning had been Alex's turn to retrieve their son, but after Piper shoved her cold foot against the brunette's thigh with not even a mutter, let alone a movement of response, she got up to get him. She brought him back into their bed and turned on the Wizard of Oz before laying back down to rest. "Fa la la la la la la la la la la...," he sang along as the people of Oz skipped around in triumph at the Wicked Witch of the East's demise. Piper blindly searched for his head and caressed his hair as he sang softly; he had watched the movie several times a week, alternating between the tale of the ruby shoed girl and the boy who never wanted to grow up, loaned to him by his favorite "big boy" friend, Finn.

Piper left him in their bed with Alex to get a head start on some things that were put off for the weekend and a hearty Sunday morning breakfast. On weekdays, there was usually only time to grab a granola bar or oatmeal to go or they grabbed something outside. The scent of hazelnut coffee wafted down to their bedroom, Alex took a deep breath and let her senses become consumed with the aroma and the little fingers that were loosely tangled in the ends of her hair, while a witch cried that she was melting, "who would've thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness." She awoke and sat up a bit, she rubbed the top of his ear before standing up and stretching, "stay right here, okay?," she said patting her pillow, "do you want juice?," he shook his head no in a daze. "Don't move." She shuffled into the kitchen and saw her wife's hips swaying to the music playing on the radio. She saw her wrist turn the spatula to flip over the contents in the frying pan. She snuck up behind her and pinched the skin of her butt that peaked out of the bottom of her underwear.

The blonde jumped slightly surprised, "Happy Sunday," she leaned back against Alex's shoulder, while the brunette let her hands skim over the blonde's protruding hip bones. "You need more Sunday breakfasts," she said poking the bone.

"Get up early and make me them then," she said quickly pushing her butt back to knock Alex away before turning around, "Coffee's ready... where is he?"

"In our bed watching the movie, didn't you put him there?"

"Al you cant leave him up there, he can fall."

"He's not going to fall," she said confidently as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"It's too high, you can't do that."

"Yeah well, I do it all the time," she started walking out letting her unoccupied hand follow the natural curve of Piper's shoulders; she headed back to the bedroom.

"Juice?," he asked looking up as she walked back into the bedroom.

"I just asked you if you wanted juice and you said no."

"Juice," he said nodding his head.

She set her coffee down on the bureau, "you!," she pointed at him and shook her head. She got him a sippy cup with juice and climbed back into bed. She set her coffee down on her nightstand and pulled her latest book from the drawer and cracked it open. She let her arm lazily rest on top of her sons head, he moved closer up beside her.

"She gone?"

She looked over her glasses, "I'm right here," tightening her arm around him. "She gone," he said lifting up his head and pointed to the TV.

"Who's gone?," she asked looking at the country girl and her three amigos.

"Witch."

"Ooooooh," she understood, "yes, they melted her with water right?"

He nodded back and set his head back down on the pillow. She went back to reading, her eyes darting from left to right at the text before her. She took the train with him almost daily, and was only able to squeeze in a few pages on the days when they were lucky enough to get a seat.

"Banoon."

She broke her gaze away from her book again.

"Yeah, the balloon left them behind, but Dorothy will get home."

She took a sip of her coffee and rubbed her warm hand through his hair and went back to her book. A few minutes later she heard him mumbling, "no place... home, no place... home."

A smile spread across her lips, a chuckle escaped her mouth. There was no use to trying to read, she closed her book and sat him on her lap, engulfing him in a loose hug. Her chin rested on his head. Once the movie ended, they made their way into the kitchen, Alex poured him some more juice while Piper displayed her culinary artistry on their table.

"Piper sit," he says sitting up on his knees, tapping the seat of the empty chair beside him.

"Yes, I'm Piper, mommy, do you want me to sit here?," she asked pulling the chair away from the table.

He nodded in confirmation.

Alex did her happy food dance, "everything looks ah-mazing!"

Piper took a bow before pouring herself a cup of coffee and refilling Alex's mug. "So did you decide about that workshop?," she asked the brunette.

"I think I'm gonna do it," she said with her hands soaking up the warmth of the mug.

"So I wasted my time coming up with reasons why you should go?," she places bacon and eggs on her son's little plate.

"You can still tell me what reasons you came up with, to justify getting rid of me."

"Not trying to get rid of you at all, hear me out."

Alex slowly closed and reopened her eyes and peered out of the corner, "I'm listening."

"So, to be honest, I think your boss let you know about it in the first place because they know you can take on more. Just because a more powerful position opened up doesn't mean you just get it by seniority or default. I mean yes, you've put years into the same company, but you've also taken on more than your job description entails since the beginning, you troubleshoot well, and even though," Piper stopped short and focused her attention on the fistful of eggs in the small hand beside her, "uh fork please," she said handing him the fork. "We use forks and spoons here, not our hands, that's yucky."

Alex raised a finger up as she chewed widely around the contents of her mouth, "hang on," she finished chewing and swallowed.

"I know I don't have a degree in architectural design, so in general I may be passed up for someone who proved they can handle certain abstract concepts of thinking and sh... stuff," she caught herself before she slipped and looked over at him again trying to use his hands for the eggs, "eh, fork."

He held his fork and tried to pierce his strip of bacon, "not that, you can pick that up with your hands."

"Huh?," his mouth hung open and looked at her curiously.

"This," she picked up his bacon, "you can eat with your hands," she tore off a piece and ate it. His mouth dropped when she ate his piece and handed him back the smaller remains. "Even he's like, 'are you kidding me, eating my bacon, stealing my slice of heavenly breakfast? It's so good Pipes."

"You're just trying to get out of cooking next weekend. Can we get back to the conference?"

"Right, so I know that I've been overlooked in the past because of the degree but now that this is being thrown my way, I want it," she paused, bit the inside of her mouth and adjusted her glasses, "I need a higher position. We need people who can manage people who are seeking direction, who don't take initiative. New people who utilize employee's strengths and help identify weaknesses and pair them up with those who can collaborate with their opposing abilities."

Piper smiled widely at her wife's excitement over the potential challenge, "yeah, they do need people like that. Go to this conference, take tons of notes. If they offer any kind of certifications, you sit in on those sessions and get those certs."

Alex nodded while grabbing her own piece of bacon, tearing it in half and handing half to Jamie in a truce. "Do you think it would be appropriate to ask if they're considering me for the position while I talk about my interest in going?"

"Absolutely, I mean I would still go no matter what their intent is, just so they can see how serious you are and visualize you with higher regard," the brunette nodded and continued to listen, "but I also think you should go because they'll cover the cost of flight and hotel for you and I may have looked up how much an extra ticket would be for the airplane," she said with a grimace and a rise of her shoulders seeking approval.

"Hairpain?"

Alex sucked her bottom lip in momentarily before licking her lips, "you'd go with me?"

"Of course! I mean if you feel like you could use the days alone or we'd be too much of a distraction, I wont be insulted."

"No, I'd rather you come. Yeah, why not right? I could just ask for a few extra days and just pay for a couple of extra nights of hotel, make it into a vacation, double dip."

"And we could go to the beach! A warm water beach," she paused to reminisce at the feeling of wading through bathwater ocean temperatures in various beaches around the world with Alex, "and walk around Savannah with you. You can teach me what you learn while you're there."

"Sounds great kid. What do you think dude, wanna go on an airplane?"

He points out the window. "In the sky,we can fly and go to the beach and play in the sand!," Piper responds to his gesture.

He gets off his chair and jogs away.

"Well that was anti-climactic," Alex says to Piper. The blonde reaches her arm across the table and grasps her hand, "Im so excited!," she laughs, "when's the last time we've been on a plane!?"

"I don't even know kid," she thinks back, "four years?, is that right? What's he doing? Jamie, come here please," she calls out in the direction he walked off to.

He returns clutching a stuffed monkey from the zoo of friends in his bedroom, "George goes?"

Piper props him back onto his chair, "yes, George can come too, we can bring a few buddies, alright? Lets finish this for now," she says pointing to the rest of his breakfast. She clears up once they're done and Alex retreats to the couch, and plants her nose in her book. Jamie goes back and forth to his room removing one toy at a time until he has quite a sizable collection of weebles, play doh, multiple gadgets that play nursery rhymes and a few books that Alex read a few pages from intermittently until he lost interest. He walked off to collect something new when Alex heard him come barreling down the hall whimpering and yelling "face!"

She lifted her back from the couch and turned around to see him, running from the back of their apartment, looking terrified. He made eye contact with her, "face!," he said pointing back and ran into her arms.

"What?," she wrapped her arms around her shaking son, "oh my God, what's the matter? what's wrong?" She tried to pull his head back from the crook of her neck but he was holding on for dear life. She whispered into his ear while she rubbed his back, "what did you see? Tell me."

"Faaaace," he whimpered into her neck. She just continued to rub his back in soothing circles, he pulled back some and looked at her worriedly.

"I don't know what you're scared of baby, you want to show me?"

He shook his head no frantically, as Piper came down the hall with a white pore refining mask coating her skin, "FAAAACE!," he yelled and buried his own face deep into Alex's neck hiding in her hair as his body curled up against hers.

"Piper, oh my God, he's shaking!"

Piper was laughing silently, trying to catch her breath, "he came in our room looking for me and I had just put it on while I was cleaning out the tub and sink, and he just ran out screaming, I couldn't breathe, I was laughing so hard. Jamie it's just me."

She sat down beside them on the couch, his eyes were still deeply burrowed into Alex. He let her rub his head, "it's mommy babe, it's just cream, it comes off see?" She wiped her finger near the edge of her skin to show him the white mask on her finger. He pulled away from Alex just slightly to see the cream on her finger, but then saw her face again and hid.

"Piper, he's terrified," she laughed through her sentence, "wash it off!"

"I still have ten minutes or so on it, its expensive! Just keep him in here for a little, ill close our door."

"I'm pretty sure he's not going anywhere until he sees you without that crap on your face."

"Just a few minutes, I'll be right back Jamie."

"A few minutes," Alex sighed out and chuckled, "no pee pee on mama okay? Wanna play with your toys?"

He shook his head no in her arms, "George," he whined. She reached forward, her abs failed to support herself and him with her inability to suppress her laughter at the death grip he had around her neck. She sank to her knees and squished his Curious George doll between them. She held onto him with one arm and held her book in her other hand and read.

Alex heard Piper padding down the hallway, she motioned to the blonde that he was still in the same spot, sweating up against her.

"Jamie, no more face, it's gone." He turned toward Piper's voice and saw the face he was familiar with and released his grip around Alex's neck.

"No more face," he said to Piper and sat on the floor between them with George tucked under his arm.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," she looked at the fear slowly resolve from his face. She pulled him close, "I didn't mean to be mean. I'm not a mean person."


	19. Chapter 19

19

"Do you want to help me?," she asked the boy who had been at her heels all afternoon. She'd been putting in longer hours at work, staying later, having Piper come pick him up, it was understandable that he was more clingy then usual. He nodded following her and stood beside the dryer. She filled the basket once and handed him a sweatshirt and a pair of pants, "let's go, put these on the bed and we'll come back for the next batch." He did what he was told, and followed her to the dryer once more. He held onto the edge, stuck his head in to see how many clothes remained, when she pulled him back,"you never go in there, alright? It's...hot," she reasoned. He got into the laundry basket as she pulled out another armful of their clothes and laughed to herself while piling them ontop of him. She lifted with her legs and carried the basket to their bed, "this one's heavy look out below," she said as Piper came out of their bathroom and watched her son tumble out of the basket with their laundry.

"Are you guys having fun?," she said pulling out the drawer that held their bathing suits and tossed hers into the open suitcases that lay on the floor. "Which do you want?"

"Surprise me," Alex said while grabbing her wintergreen tic tacs off the bureau and popping one in her mouth.

"I want one."

"You don't like these, you always spit them out." He crawls over on his knees and opens his mouth.

She looks over at Piper while reaching back to grab the tic tacs back off the bureau. "This one?," the blonde lifts a black string bikini.

Alex laughs at the hilarity, "is that even mine?" She puts a tic tac between her front teeth and bites it in two and puts half in Jamie's mouth.

Piper laughs back, "I may have bought it for another occasion, on our own, just wanted to see your face."

"Spicy," he says a few moments later and spits the morsel of a tic tac into his hand and hands it to Alex.

"Uh, uh, Piper, your baby is stubborn and sticky," she says motioning to Piper to come handle the situation.

"I'm your baby," he says pointing to Alex as Piper lifts him off the bed to wash his hands in the bathroom in their bedroom.

"Everytime," Alex says back to him, "why don't you listen to me? Stubborn," she says lifting him back onto the bed. He jumps around some while holding onto her hand and jumps up into her body and starts sniffing her like a puppy. "Woof woof, you smell like this," he says holding up a clean shirt.

Piper holds up another bathingsuit, a black floral two piece, "Pipes," she says with a gentle whine.

"You said I could pick, this one has twenty times more material, hush," she silences her wife and adds it to the growing pile in the suitcase. "I'll bring this one for you too," she says tossing in Alex's favorite mod one piece that she's had for an unnatural length of time.

"Can you grab my culottes as well?," she says as James continues to bounce all over their bed, yanking her arm as he goes.

"Those culottes are well beyond their years, they're worse than the bathing suit Al."

"They're my favorite, for trips," she justifies.

"You've had these and the bathing suit since I met you, among other things in here," Piper eyes Alex's collection and aches to throw some things away.

"They're in perfect shape, no holes, that's your rule, they stay."

"And because you've worn them on every trip, it looks like you've taken one epic vacation," she laughs, while Alex pulls them away from her.

Alex holds them up to James with her free hand, "can we keep these?," she asks him.

"Yes," he says pointing to them without missing a bounce of the mattress.

"Great, leave your fashion sense to the two year old with the mismatched socks and backwards undies, doesn't that hurt?"

"Yeah, he looks very distressed. Okay, no more sugar for you today. You still wanna help me?," he nods looking around at the mountain of laundry that's now further scattered throughout the bed. "Alright, grab the towels and put them on this side." He pulls all the towels from around the bed, satisfied with his assistance, and walks off into the bathroom, pulling his step stool that he uses to get on and off the toilet and up to the sink, into the bedroom and watches the dvd's spin until he sees the Wizard of Oz and plays it for the umpteenth time.

Alex finishes folding their clean clothes and looks at the heaping pile Piper has created in their suitcases. "Ay, there's so much stuff, Piper...," she calls out. Piper returns with a toiletry case and an armful of loose travel sized bottles. Alex waves her arm around all of their belongings,

"I know, I'll work it out," she says with intent to give reassurance. She crouches down to start moving around their things to make them fit and looks up to see pale hands fixing raven strands into a messy bun which she holds with both hands on top of her head, her elbows come together blocking her face.

Piper stands up and parts Alex's elbows, "it's alright to be nervous," she nods, trying to get Alex to focus her eyes on her own, "it's the first time they're sending you away with the expectation that you'll gain some insight and skills to benefit the company. It's a big deal, it's good." She presses her forehead against that of her wife, "they wouldn't have bothered with you if they didn't think you were worthy. This," she says breaking away for a moment to point at the clothes and returns, "it's a little overwhelming, but I got it, and I've got him...I've got you both. Why don't you print out whatever travel documents we need and just re-check that you've got all your stuff for the conference, lemme finish the miscellaneous."

She nods and breaks her head away from the blonde rock who has such a strong faith in her, she takes a step back, she's terrified of losing that image. She returns shortly after with documents in hand, most of their things are packed but there's still some items that don't look like they'll fit. Their son sleeps silently, his face pressed into Piper's pillow, his arms wrapped around it.

"You have to roll the clothes, to save space," she whispers to Piper. The blonde looks up over her shoulder, and moves things around so Alex can see she's done just that.

"And the smaller items? Push them into shoes."

"Alex, relax," she says barely above a whisper and tugs her hand so she can sit beside her, "I have packed a bag a few hundred times, I know your little tricks," she picks up a sneaker that's stuffed with a couple of shirts, "got everything?"

"Mmmhmm," she says setting the documents down on their rug and helps Piper re-arrange the last of their belongings, sorting items into back packs and carry-ons, "I miss this."

"Ugh, me too, packing up and running away with you. Just the steps of innocently going through security, sitting on the plane, having that recycled air blast me in the face," Piper laughs giddily, "it's sick, is it not? How much I'm craving it? I don't even care if we just go from LaGuardia to Newark," Alex shoots her a grimace disgusted, "I just want that feeling."

"It's not sick, I want it too," Alex relates.

"Then what's wrong?," Piper places a hand on her thigh and rubs upward.

"S'just the first time I'm getting the opportunity to move up the ladder," she takes a long pause, "legally. It's a chance to provide more for us, get some of my edge back, possibly call the shots again."

Piper moves so that her knees touch Alex's knees, she sits across from her, "and you were good at it," she raises her hand to correct herself and whispers, "really fucking brilliant at it. And you will be again, it's the same skills, just a different playing field." She nods her head slightly, willing Alex to nod along in agreement. She strokes the clenched jawline, grazing the porcelain skin with her fingertips, "and I'm right here," she leans into Alex and kisses her, giving in to her craving, trying to suck the self-doubt right out of the brunette's soul, her nails trace up her arms, the smile Alex fights, breaks through slightly, Piper traces it with two fingers. Piper rises to her knees and looks over at their bed, "even he's thrilled at the prospect," Alex laughs through her nose at the serenity of James nestled atop their bed.

"Ready?," Piper squeezes both of her shoulders. Alex tilts her head all the way back with closed eyes and takes a deep breath, "ready."

They get through security haphazardly, between Jamie demanding on removing his shoes like everyone else, and digging out their seven-days worth of toiletries for two women from their suitcases. They make it to the terminal with some time to spare, Alex takes a seat and looks around. She's been in this airport well over a hundred times, but only once before without being guarded. She couldn't help but wonder who was here, working in similar lines of work that she once had, if they did their job well, she wouldn't be able to pick them out. She refocuses her attention to the long blonde curls that cascade down Piper's back, as their son sits in her lap by the wall of a window, watching her point out different parts of the plane.

They come take a seat by Alex as they start boarding first class passengers. "Erase it... now."

Alex puts on a huge fake smile with wide eyes, trying to make up for the annoyance that had just been seen on her face.

"We could've still flown first class, it's just not necessary, it's a ninety minute flight, and it's not worth it," Piper reassures her.

Alex cuts her snarl short, when Piper cuts her eyes at her for acting immaturely.

"We'll now begin boarding those with assistive devices and those with small children."

Piper nudges her, "Whaaaat? Early boarding? Priori-tay!," she says with a twist of her neck. The blonde shoves Alex to snap out of it, loops her purse over her neck and helps James fit his back pack onto his back. She grabs her roll on suitcase and tells James to hang onto the metal bars, while tucking his Curious George doll under his armpit.

Alex cant get over how cute he looks with his little backpack, "alright, peanut boarding, let's go," she grabbed her suitcase and followed behind her family. They got settled in and throughout the flight, he changed back and forth between the window and the aisle, frequently exchanging conversation with their neighbor across the aisle. As they were exiting, the pilot stood outside the cockpit and said goodbye, allowing Piper to snap a picture of James with him; he pinned a pair of golden wings to his shirt for being a great passenger on his first flight.

Alex is gone early in the morning, she left with ample time to make sure she made it in time for the conference, and could relax beforehand. Piper shot her a text mid-day to check in and Alex said she'd be done by 5 P.M. Alex met them in the lobby and after listening to Jamie talk about his day at the pool, they began their walk to the historic district. Alex went over the detailing of some of the finest homes she'd seen in North America, accompanied by their beautiful gardens. They visited the Cathedral of St. John the Baptist along with other houses of worship before the sun started to set. Piper reveled in the enthusiasm that emanated from Alex's lips, she was in her element, just ejected from a mass of art worshiping architectural nerds, speaking a mile a minute. Piper stopped pushing the stroller with their son as they came to the Avenue of the Oaks. She peered up at the overlap of the lush green trees, covering the sky, blanketing them underneath. "We didn't come here today, but I really wanted to see this with you." She undid Jamie's stroller buckle so he could run around under the trees. Piper grabbed Alex's hand and strolled, dragging the stroller behind them. It was a naturally romantic atmosphere and she was thankful for detour.

Each day, Alex would suggest meeting them for lunch, while Piper told her to stay behind and network. They'd meet up and visit new sites: the home of Juliette Gordon Low, Owens-Thomas House, the Lucas Theatre for the Arts, and the Mercer Williams House. They had dinner on River Street after stopping along sweet shoppe's, their favorite being a bee shop where they sampled a dozen different types of honey and Piper took special interest in their honey body products. She went to town grabbing products to show Polly before making their way out to saunter through the quaint cobblestoned street.

After a few more days, Alex felt rejuvenated within her career field and knew she'd made the right decision in attending her conference to aid in her progression within the world of architectural art design. She was excited to get back and share what she'd learned along with her new ideas that seemed to keep churning out from within the wheels of her brain, but she was also ready for a few days of waking up on her own clock and spending some time with her biggest cheerleaders.

"Hilton Head Island: Population 38,366," Piper shouted over the wind that came through their windows, "almost there baby." Alex rolled down the rear window and told Jamie to breathe in, "can you smell the salty air?," she shouted back to him, tilting her head just slightly against the headrest as the sea breeze wove it's way through their rental car. She brought her foot from off the dashboard and adjusted the angle of the sun-visor so she could see him through the mirror, and caught his nose in the air trying to breathe in deep. She tapped Piper's arm to direct her attention toward Jamie so she could see him.

They picked an open spot on the beach, layed out their sheet and secured the corners before digging a hole to anchor their umbrella. Alex, stays under the shade of the umbrella and calls him over to her and starts bathing his skin in sunscreen, asking Piper for his hat, while she begins the unnerving task of covering his face.

"I don't know where it is, give me a minute to get this stuff unpacked."

"He needs his hat, he's gonna get sunburned," she says adamantly. He jogs in place and whines as she tries to rub in the white of the sunscreen into his skin, until she's confident that he's adequately covered.

"What about his swim shirt?," she asks Piper not 2 minutes later, while she starts putting sunscreen on herself.

Piper looks up annoyed, "I said to give me a minute, he's not even standing in the sun."

"According to the National Institute of Health, there is a direct correlation of melanoma and childhood skin exposure under the age of five."

Piper pivots toward her, wide eyed and amazed at how much of a dork her wife is, loser, she mouths with an L shape on her fore-head. "You know some of us have a little bit of pigmentation, and have at least a five minute grace period upon claiming our territory at the beach, alright?"

Alex scratches the corner of her eye with her middle finger before shoving Piper and knocking her onto her ass. She begins rubbing sunscreen on Piper's back, when Jamie protests, "I do it." He puts sunscreen on Piper's back but avoids her bathing suit, "can you go under the straps?," Alex asks him.

"Nooooo," he says while spreading the white lotion all around Piper's back, still cautious to avoid getting any of it on her blue bathing suit. He comes up to her neck, "fishy. "Make sure you cover the fish, so he doesn't get burned either." He covers the fish well, and then asks Alex to sit next to her. Alex asks Piper to watch him to make sure he doesn't miss any of her skin as it's not as forgiving as Piper's. "Shake, shake," he says as her covers the salt shaker. He tosses the tube onto the sheet and points to the water, "lets go."

"Ooooookay, wait a minute," Piper reasons while re-doing Alex's back, knowing that while she'd been giving her a hard time, Alex was extremely prone to sunburns and wanted to make sure she was well covered. "Why don't we hunt for shells, first?"

He holds her hand and makes his way closer to the water with his bucket in tow, squatting down to inspect little shells. He walks back and forth to show Alex each one they find, and she acts amazed every time. She walks down to join them and re-lathers them both. He plays with Piper by the shore, creating castles, while Alex reads a few pages from a book she brought. Her head rises from her book as she hears him scream as Piper is leaning toward the ground trying to write in the sand, as the waves tease at the boundaries of their castles and threaten to wipe out their letters. She shouts every time the water comes close and he copies, laboriously running away from the water, trying to avoid it from touching his toes. He points to the water and Piper turns back to Alex using her hand to block the sun from her eyes and waving a hand over both of them, trying to explain she's taking him in, to rinse off, as they both resemble Shake n' Bake chicken. She takes him in, wading at first; she holds him in front of her legs and lifts him as the waves roll in. His laughs are just audible over the roar of the water. Alex guffaws at the pair, causing Piper to turn back, her wife's face hidden behind the lens of their camera. Alex's finger stays pressed against the button causing the shutter to speed wildly; she's obsessed with those two, their laughter, they way they move. She sees his fingers bend first, before she hears him, "mama, come!"

Piper walks them out and sets him down, he marches over toward Alex, who's still sitting on their sheet, snapping photos as he gets closer. He's getting so big, she thinks as she refocuses the lens and zooms in on his face, _determined_ , it reads, he's on a mission to get to her as fast as possible. A smile spreads across her lips, concealing her heart ache.

"Mama, come!," he says again while he continues his trek, now picking up to a run, he's running, he's _been_ running, she lowers the camera from her face. It seems as if he conquers something new everyday, constantly trying to prove his independence, "mama-come-oooon," he says finally arriving with a slight whine and thrusts his fists downward, _why aren't you getting up this instant?!_ , he can't fathom the reason behind the glaze of tears coating her eyes. He crouches down and grabs her hand, not because he needs to but because he's an excellent mime and has seen his moms crouch down many times to grab his hand, and because she clearly needs help. He tugs at her arm, she takes the camera from around her neck and pushes herself off the ground, allowing him to escort her back to the water. She swirls him around in the water, while Piper skims a hand along her spine, and then both hands along the brunette's thighs. Alex gently pushes her leg back, guiding Piper away. Their sons arms are around her neck, he watches the water and yells "wave," kicking his feet like a duck, even when it's still 100 feet away.

They play a short game of Marco Polo, Alex tries to keep his eyes shielded, so they don't cheat, before getting out to dry off and eat on the sheet. Piper lays in the sun beside the umbrella, while Alex digs with him, until he asks Piper to look at their creation and is then prompted to get up and get him water to make wet sand for the nineteenth time. They move down closer to the shore, the blonde extends her arm, trying to move her hand far enough away to get a picture with the three of them, when an older woman comments,

"Y'all are just the sweetest," she says with a hand on her hip, Jamie looks up and flashes an I know smile.

"Want me to take a photo of y'all?," she asks already taking the camera from Piper.

"Would you mind? I'm not having much luck here," she moves over behind Jamie some and pulls her hair to the side. The woman takes the picture and hands it back over to Piper, "sweet" she says as she walks away. Alex smiles just slightly through pursed lips and leans back onto her elbows as a breeze comes off the water and gives her chills.

"How long can we stay?," Jamie asks as he pats a plastic sea creature mold filled with sand.

"We can stay as long as you want," Alex answers him softly, "until you're absolutely exhausted."

"Or how about until I'm tired?," he reasons.

She bites her bottom lip and scratches his lower back, "or until you're tired, yes."

Her neck goes slack to the side, she rests her ear onto her shoulder and squints her eyes, watching him contently playing in the sand, while Piper praises all of his sand animals.

She inhales deeply as the waves roar and crash behind her. Piper looks at her over his head, "what's up?," she mouths.

She shakes her head just slightly and mouths back, "nothing."


	20. Chapter 20

20

Her face flinches at the pressure that presses against her temple. Her hand drags along her forehead and hits her glasses, I must've fallen asleep while reading, she reasons, as she's not yet used to the habit of removing them nightly. The blonde removes her glasses, leans up with her opposite hand and squints into the empty darkness beside her, did she not come to bed? She rolls halfway onto her back to get closer to her nightstand, places her glasses on the flat surface and hits the home button on her phone to illuminate the twin belled alarm block on the nightstand, 02:37. She has this déjà vu moment- where she asks herself why she used the light from her phone to brighten up the face of her alarm clock when she could tell the time by looking at the home screen of the phone in the first place. It never seemed like a logical thing to do, when she woke up in the middle of the night. She steps outside their bedroom door that must've been closed by Alex as she doesn't remember closing it. She sees the light coming from their office but peaks her head into Jamie's room to check on him. She sees him sprawled out diagonally with his lower extremity hanging off the edge of the bed. He sleeps under the neon green stars that are projected around his room by his light up stuffed creature that was gifted by his uncle Cal for his second birthday. Piper is momentarily jealous of both her son and her wife's ability to be able to fall asleep on demand, anywhere, anytime, any place, and all the while continue to have the ability to sleep through a stampede of tuba players, never mind a door closing or the flush of the toilet. She takes a moment to stare at him, and briefly contemplates cuddling up beside him but resists the urge knowing that once she lays down she won't get back up. She hears the printer spit out a piece of paper, followed by another and reluctantly pushes herself off his bed and drags her feet towards the sound of the printer adjusting.

She shuts her eyes tightly at the bright light from the office but then readjusts her focus to the floor, blinking rapidly. Alex is sitting at the nucleus of a large disassembled cardboard box and has dozens of photos, some of which are still printing, mounted along with diagrams, notes, and sketches on this makeshift display that's the size of a small African nation.

"Oh my God, it's like I'm in Good Will Hunting."

"Shit, did I wake you up?"

Piper finishes yawning, "Uuuuuuhno."

"Check it out," she comes up onto her knees, about to gesture, when she's interrupted.

"Isn't it a little late for 'check it out'? Where did you even get a box that big?"

She threw her glasses onto her head and shrugged a single shoulder, "produce stand."

"You walked down to the produce stand," she said trying to process.

"Can you please focus?"

Piper blinked hard again and widened her eyes leaning into the doorway, "Mmmhmmm."

"So for my presentation I need to cover some architectural history before I suggest any new ideas and present my designs but I'm over the redundancy of PowerPoints, after 20 minutes. everyone's attention span starts to wither," she starts gathering her hair and the twists it around her finger, secures it into a bun with a gnawed pencil and replaces her glasses," so I thought I'd do a 3D, interactive presentation with hard copies of photos and things to hold their attention."

"And this needed to imminently emerge at 02:30 in the morning?," she said sardonically as she was more than amused at this hot librarian vibe that her wife exuded while expressing her enthusiasm for her upcoming presentation in her newly appointed position.

Of course, read the look Alex shot her. "I was literally just clicking through photos when I started getting inspired and I didn't want to lose it... and then I couldn't stop," she looked around at her work all over the floor, "and then this happened."

She stood up and looked around taking a large step over one of the corners. She ran a hand through her hair and scratched her head before lowering her hands to her hips and taking in just how much she managed to do in a single evening, while still judging herself slightly. Piper just stared at her, wide eyed, with eyebrows raised.

"I know I'm a freak."

"That you are, but it's also one of my favorite qualities about you," she said letting her fingers dance along the nape of the brunettes hairline. "You just haven't slept much in the last few weeks."

The brunette's mouth pulled at the side and she nodded slightly in understanding.

"I know it's technically still a 9 to 5 but in reality it isn't." Alex's back straightened at Piper's words, her mouth opened ready to pounce in defense, "and I know you have to jump when those creative juices start to flow, just don't go too hard, too soon, alright?"

Alex's shoulders relaxed in relief, "I won't... I'll try not to."

"I don't want to sleep alone."

The brunette's hand returned to her hair , she knew this wouldn't be over that quickly. She pulled her hand from her hair and reached it out ready to pull Piper into her arms and tell her that she would always come home to her at night, to sleep by her side, no matter how late the hour, when the blonde beat her to the punch, "I already did that enough with the last job you had."

She felt her fingers curl into a fist, "I said I won't!,"she shouted back with a raised voice to the blondes back. She felt irked by the mention of her past failure, and had to curl her toes into the floor to keep her grounded to that spot instead of following the blonde as she turned around and walked out of their office. Instead she splayed open the fingers of her hand and drew it downward in a vertical line as if lightly spackling the crack Piper had made in the rampart she naturally put up. Her blood was on the verge of boiling over, she still would really never forgive herself for neglecting her on so many occasions all those years ago. She had stood stationary for a while, to allow her body to calm before she knelt to return to her creative process, when Piper returned with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and handed Alex a cup of tea.

Alex cocked an eyebrow at the gesture.

"So what do you have here exactly?," she asked through another yawn while kneeling down carefully, ready to be immersed in Alex's world of inspiration.

"That's it?" Piper looks herself over, and around the room a bit before the brunette continues, "you have no retort to my commitment?"

"I thought bringing you the tea meant, I understood... that you won't leave me to sleep alone on the regular."

Alex pouted out her lower lip and shrugged her shoulders, accepting her response.

"I have to pick my battles, or I don't have the energy right now, I haven't decided yet," she said playfully shoving her wife, hoping the tone would change the mood, as she almost instantly regretted letting old feelings resurface so easily.

"Okay so I thought I'd start it off by..." she was interrupted again by the blonde, "sorry and if while you're taking me along this ride on the crazy train if it starts spiraling, can I get off at an earlier stop? Because it actually is the middle of the night and there's only so much I can take when you're like this."

Alex laughs, "yeah."

Piper listens as Alex rambles on about what she's worked on all night. She unbends Alex's leg slightly, and pushes her icy toes into the warm crease behind the brunette's knee and curls up next to her, tightening the blanket around her shoulders. Despite the octave that the brunette is hitting, after almost thirty minutes of Alex's voice, Piper can't keep her eyes open any longer and she's soothed by the familiarity, she wiggles lower, resting her cheek against Alex's lithe, pale thigh and drifts away.

* * *

"I still don't understand why you're insisting on doing this so early."

"Did you watch the documentary?"

"No, I didn't. Sorry, what, with all the ample time I have?"

"Well you'll have time today."

"There are over a hundred pre-schools in Manhattan alone, Piper."

"Yeah, and the quarter of a million kids that need to attend them we're signed up to receive application packages last year."

Piper crouches down to the floor and shoves another two envelopes into her backpack and zips it up. Jamie coughs, into her face twice, "please cover your mouth when you cough," she demonstrates by bringing her elbow up to her face. She then walks briskly into the kitchen and starts filling up a water bottle.

"He's not even three years old!," Alex exclaims thinking over everything Piper has told her about applying to good pre-schools when their child was nearly a year away from having to start school in the first place. James holds his hand up to his face, holding three fingers up to himself before reversing his hand to show Alex. She encases his hand within hers and kisses it. "Good job."

"Okay so I'm doing this, I should be back by noon, so we can get ready, and head up to my parents'. Can you just get a bag ready, with stuff for him to do in case he gives them a hard time?"

"A hard time?," Alex questions, and squishes his cheeks together with one hand, "this face? Never."

"Mmmmm. And you're gonna take your cough medicine right? So grammy isn't sad that you're sick?"

"I'm not sick."

"Well your cough says otherwise," she says to him bluntly. "Alright I gotta go," she kisses them both and heads out the door on a mission.

Alex helps him pull out his huge container of wooden blocks and they build towers in his room. After a while she feels herself starting to doze but catches her head before her neck snaps downward. She feels around for her phone to set an alarm to just take a short nap but she cant find it, so she draws out "11:30" on a piece of paper and puts it by the digital clock.

"When the clock says one one three zero, like this, wake me up, okay?"

She can hear him singing "The Wheels on the Bus," but it feels like he's in another universe. He's in the middle of his fourth verse, "the wipers on the bus go swishy swish swish, all frew da tooooooown." She feels the "wind" behind his hands making the "wipers" blow air past her face; she smiles with her still eyes closed but finally starts waking up. She sees his smile when she opens her eyes, and then he looks up at Piper who's standing behind their couch, whos been watching him try to wake her up via song, the way shes done so many times throughout the years.

"Hey," she says to Piper, not knowing how long she's been standing there witnessing his serenade. "I was just resting my eyes for a minute. I still only need about,mmm 5 minutes or so of beauty rest, to keep this up," she says making a circle around her face.

"Well Hello Gorgeous," Piper says in her best Barbara Streisand Funny Girl impression, while leaning down to press her lips against Alex's full lips, beauty rest my ass. "So this number written on this paper in quintessential Vausian scripture, was not written by you to have him wake you up so I don't see you sleeping on the couch when youre supposed to be watching him?"

She flashes her famous smirk, "busted."

Alex pulls the peanut butter, jelly, and bread from around the kitchen to start making sandwiches for the car ride. Piper digs out half a dozen application packages that she managed to obtain during her marathon around the West Village and places them on the kitchen table beside Alex. Her eyes peer over the top rim of her glasses, and she stops mid spread of peanut butter, puts the knife down to glance briefly at the bulleted notes among the applications, before becoming irritated. When Piper returns with a sippy cup from the other room and rinses it out, she asks, "um, why did you even put this next to me right now?

"So you could take a glance at them? Do you not care at all?"

"Some of these cost more than half my year's salary."

Piper makes a face and nods, "I know, it's crazy."

"Are you?! We're not paying all this money for him to go to elementary school for seven fucking years to party with Donald Trump's kids while we simultaneously fall below the poverty line."

"But what if he gets in to one of those?"

"We're not applying to those. There are a kazillion accelerated public pre-schools he can attend for free."

"He has to 'get in' to one of those too Alex, it's a process. You can't just walk in and register him in September. There are limited spaces for great programs like that."

"Then we'll do what we have to do, to get him into one of those. I'd rather him go to public school anyway, it's more diverse."

Piper sorts through the packets on the kitchen island and pulls the bottom application, for the "Gifted and Talented" program throughout the New York City Pubic School system and whacks it on the top of the pile.

She returns with Jamie running behind her, moments later, having found his cough medicine in the same spot she left it that morning. "Did he take his medicine?"

Alex lowers the packet down beside the sandwich fixings and looks over her shoulder, with a fuck look.

"You know, Alex!"

"Pipes, he'll take it now, can you just relax?"

She shakes her head no, "it's too much," her eyes start filling up with tears.

"Babe, he's..." she lowers her voice as he's within earshot, "he's not even sick, it's just a cold."

Piper leans her forehead into her shoulder, "I didn't know I was supposed to get all these applications last year."

"Pipes, he's a smart kid. We'll get him into a good program, and you're going to look back at this and realize how ridiculous this mass hysteria is over the freaking alphabet Olympics, alright?"

"I just want him to be happy, he's going to spend his whole day in school. I want him to be able to take advantage of all the opportunities that are out there." He holds onto the edge of the counter and jumps up and down repeatedly trying to get a glimpse of the snack Alex is packing for their car ride lunch, but he's too short.

"He is happy," she turns Piper's head toward's their kid who's been a jumper since he was just a few months old, eliciting a chuckle from Piper as she wipes away her tears.

"And we'll get him in somewhere good. I'll help you on your scavenger hunt and make sure he behaves like a normal three year old to pass whatever test he has to pass to get into a great school. I promise."

"Kay." Piper exhales and gathers all the packets off the counter and walks passed him, rubbing her hand quickly over his head, "medicine."

He looks up at Alex, with a do I have to expression. She unscrews the cap of the dark brown bottle with the purple liquid, "c'mon bud, gotta get rid of that cough."

"Nooooooo," he yells and runs away.

She follows him from one room to the next trying to explain to him that "it's not the one that tastes yucky when your ear hurts, it's the one you like. Smell it."

He's willing to smell the medicine, but still decides he's not taking it.

"In the car then. I'm bringing cupcakes, but you need to take your medicine before you can eat one, do you understand?" He nods and scampers off.

It was a beautiful day, the leaves reflected the New England autumn season as they drove up the Merritt Parkway. Crisp, fresh air filtered through the car, and after about 30 minutes, he asks for the third time if he can have his cupcake now.

"I already told you twice, you need to finish your sandwich and take your medicine," Alex said toward the back of the car.

He raised the first half up to show her he finished.

"Okay, but you need to eat the other side."

"But I'm full, I don't want anymore," he said kicking Piper's seat with his left foot.

Alex turned around and held his foot still, "do not kick the-back-of-the-seat. If you're full then you don't have space for a cupcake then."

He whined and carried on in the back for a few minutes, while they did their best to ignore his negative behavior.

"I'm finished," he said putting whatever remaining crust was left into the re-usable sandwich wrap and handed it up to Alex.

She handed him the medicine cup with the purple liquid and he started whining again. "I don't understand why this is such a big deal. It doesn't even taste bad, just take it."

He starts crying in the back seat, and she starts to become frustrated, wanting to just give him the cupcake, but she didn't want to be taken advantage of.

"Al just give him half," Piper pleaded with mild desperation in her voice, not being able to stand his cries when he was upset.

Alex gave him half the cupcake and told him he could have the other half after he took his medicine. She hated bribing him, but felt it wasn't worth the argument and was limited with what she could do in the car as it was.

Piper caressed her thigh in the car and gave it a gentle squeeze in unspoken thanks. Alex turned around after a bit to see the medicine cup still full sitting between his legs. "Please take your medicine, I don't want to have to ask you again."

He saw the cupcake in her hand, and held the cup to his mouth with both hands. Piper tries to glance at him through the rearview mirror and whispers, "he's taking it," to Alex. Alex looks out onto the road taking in the foliage, when she sees something shining off the side of the car. She narrows her eyes and looks into the side view mirror to see what it is. She still cant figure it out, so she pulls the seatbelt away from her chest and leans forward some, sticking her head out the window slightly and sees a streak of peanut butter and jelly smeared across the side panel of the car.

She swung her head around to the back seat, "did you throw the other part of your sandwich out the window?"

His eyes go wide, and starts blinking fast before he starts crying again. "What?," Piper asks clarifying what she's asking him.

She feels the anger building in her body, "did you throw the sandwich out the window?" He doesn't answer but just starts crying harder and breathing fast.

"James!," she yells, "that is not okay. You can't throw anything out of the window, it's absolutely not okay."

"How do you know he did that?"

"Piper, it's on the side of the car, I can see it and he's not answering me! James, I am so upset right now. When we get to grammy and gramps' house, you are sitting in a chair and looking at the wall. Not okay. For-a-cupcake!"

"Alex, stop, he's already upset."

She breathes in deep and blows the air through the small hole she makes with her lips. She turns around and tells him to stop crying and to calm down. He's hyperventilating, and mucousy through his cries and just cries louder when she tells him to stop. He's never heard her tone like this, nor has she ever caught him deliberately lying to her to get what he wants.

"Look at me, you need to stop."

He whines further, and kicks his legs back and forth, kicking Piper's chair again. "James!," her voice is raised higher, setting him off even further. "Piper, pull the car over, I can't."

"Alex just calm down."

"I can't, and its not safe, just pull over."

Piper listens to her and slows the car down, the frustration in Alex's voice is getting to her, and the noises are too distracting.

When he sees the car slowing down and Alex unbuckling her seatbelt, he breathes even faster, and throws up all over himself and the backseat of the car.

Alex briefly scans her eyes over the explosion in the backseat, gets out of the car, and rubs her finger along the peanut butter and jelly. She shows it to Piper, before closing the door and taking a few steps away from the car. Piper gets out and goes to the back to undo him from his car seat and take him to the side of the car away from the highway. She looks over at Alex, who has her hands over her eyes. Piper did her best to clean him off and put a change of clothes on him, wiping away whatever excess vomit was visible in the back of the car.

Alex walks back over toward the car and looks at him, still reeling inside but tries to keep her cool. Piper gets him buckled back in and continues down the highway in silence. They get off the highway near the Chapman's house,

"Mommy?"

"Yes?" Piper answers back.

"Can I have my cupcake?"

Alex just bites her tongue and looks up to the heavens stitched into the roof of the car, Piper does everything in her power not to laugh, and lighten the situation.

"No Jamie, we're both very upset right now."

"Sowwy."

"I'm glad you're sorry, but you still need to sit in time out when we get there."

Alex looked up in the mirror and saw him crying again, but to himself. Piper caught the tears in Alex's eyes and rubbed her leg again and whispered, "this is been a little too much today."

They pulled into the long driveway at Piper's parents house. Piper got out his bag with all of his clothes from the trunk while Alex removed him from the back seat. He was still crying, but she tried to stay firm with him and limit their conversation. Piper walked up the few steps and rang the bell.

"Hellooo," her mom said opening the door, "what happened to you guys? Why is he crying?," Carol Chapman asked planting a kiss on top of his head, fighting the urge to ask about the smell. She kissed her daughter and her adopted daughter hello and went to take Jamie from her arms, "please don't, he needs to go to time out," Alex said walking into their dining room. She stood him up and brought a chair over to the corner and sat him in it.

"I'll be right back," she said walking back toward Piper and Carol shaking her head feeling horrible. Piper slipped an arm around her waist, "it was bound to happen sometime." They could all hear him sniffling in the other room.

"Hey, where's my grandbaby?," Piper's father inquires coming down the stairs, which causes the domino effect of Jamie crying louder, Alex's eyes go wider as she questions the type of torture she's putting their son through and Piper to pull her aside.

"Pipes, what if he's too young to understand what he did?"

Piper stares at her, "you're always going on about how smart he is. You can't use it only when it's flattering. Think about how mad you just were, he needs time outs, and we have to be consistent." Alex nods, knowing she's right. "Mush, mush, mush."

"Yeah wait til he does something to purposely piss you off and see how you feel, knowing he hates you."

"He doesn't hate you, stop being melodramatic. Go get him though, we're only supposed to keep him there for the amount of minutes, equivalent to his age."

Piper pulls her dad into a hug and walks with him to the dining room table while her mother goes off to get towels so he can take a bath.

"Hey babe," she says squatting down, and ends up sitting on the floor beside him when he avoids eye contact with her. She turns the chair toward her, "do you know why you needed to sit in time out?"

He nods, still sniffing back. "Why?"

"Because I throwed out my sandwich and I throwed up cause I was mad," he says through heavy breathing.

"And that's not acceptable behavior. If you do those things again, you're going to need to sit back here again."

"Awight."

"Can I have a hug?"

He scooted off the chair and hugged her hard around her neck.

He releases the tension around her body, "alright Jamie, let's go get you cleaned up."

"I can give him a bath Alex, you look like you could use a break," Carol gently gestures holding up a pile of folded towels.

"It's fine, I don't want you to do this while he's all pukey."

"I'll meet you guys in there in a little babe," Piper says with her head cocked to the side, resting on her father.

Carol sits back down in the chair at the dining room table and hands the pile of towels to Alex and continues to converse with Piper and her father while Alex walks their grandson down to the bathroom.

"Tomorrow I'll take my medicine and you won't be mad," he says leaning onto the ceramic of the tub while she turns the nobs.

Alex just peers at him, she's more than calmed down now, and realizes he doesn't want to make her upset. "Show me tomorrow then."

She slips his shirt over his head, finds some bath gel and lets its run under the faucet to make him a bubble bath. She slips off the rest of his clothes, and walks back out to toss them in a plastic bag to wash later as these too managed to absorb the vomit smell. She gets him in the tub and after a few minutes of splashing around, he looks bored. "There's nothing to play with."

"What do you usually play with when you take a bath at grammy and gramps' house?"

He points to the stack of towels. "You play with towels?"

He starts to giggle, "no, you have to put it here," and he points to the edge of the tub and waits for Alex to lay out a towel neatly where he pointed. He gets up and sticks his butt in the corner of the tub and slides down, spilling water all over the edge. Alex's mouth drops down, and he starts laughing as he sees all the water that spilled over the edge.

"This is what you do here?"

"Uh huh!," he goes back up and slides down the corner again. Alex pulls out her phone and starts recording the madness that he gets away with among the people who she used to regard as uptight and pretentious. After the first towel is soaked, and half the bathwater is gone, she mutter's "I think you've done that enough now, yes? Where is your mother?"

He shrugs his shoulders. "Are you ready to get out?"

He looks at his fingers and though the bubbles have all evaporated in the water, he shakes his head, no.

"Okay, so now what?"

He looked around the bathroom, and spotted an empty toilet paper roll in the mini trash. He pulled it out and looked at Alex.

"Go for it."

He dunked it into the bath, making water fall in and out the sides, until it disintegrated into pieces around the tub.

Piper walked into Alex filming their son, with little brown flecks floating throughout the water, "what the heck is that?," she asked alarmed. Alex turned her phone toward her, "a toilet paper roll."

"why does he have a toilet paper roll in the tub?"

"Because he wanted it," she laughed at the insanity.

Jamie stood up and pulled a clear shower cap from the caddy and sat back down shoving his foot against the plastic until his skin was stretched through.

"What're you doing now?," Piper started laughing. They were all beyond delirious from the day. Carol popped her head in and took in the sight of the bathroom.

Piper bit her lip, "sorry for the mess, we'll clean it up."

"It's fine Piper, he always does this. Anything to make those giggles."

Piper looked at her mother strangely, where were you 30 years ago? "You girls ready? Better get going before it gets late."

"You guys aren't coming? We came out here to have dinner and spend time with you and daddy."

"We'll go out and have a nice breakfast in the morning, you both could you use a night alone, I'm sure. But go now before everywhere gets busy."

"It's," Piper stops to look at her watch, "6:30. Oh my God, it's only 6:30? It feels like 9:30. C'mon Al, lets get."

They headed out to the car, "ugh, it still reeks in here!" They rolled down all the windows and started heading into town toward a nice restaurant in town. Piper parallel parks the car and pulls down the sunvisor, "I think the Beetlejuice hair may be frowned upon."

"And the vomit smell, will definitely speed the wait time to be seated," Alex added. "D'you wanna just hit a drive thru?"

"Not really," Piper whined slightly, wanting to take advantage of some of the free time. "I don't really know what's around here Pipes."

Piper pulls into the grocery store parking lot, and tries her best to smooth out her hair by raking her fingers through the blonde strands and making a low side ponytail. "I'll just grab us something from here, be right back," she says jumping out the car before Alex has a chance to even say what she wants.

She returns with a cheap bottle of screw top Chateau Diana with some already made pasta and chicken cutlets from the deli counter. She drives them down a dark road that winds, until they get to a spot with some park lights. She gets out and pulls a blanket from the trunk and doesn't bother to roll up the windows, for anyone who was interested in stealing their car, would quickly leave it behind after having to deal with the smell.

She links arms with Alex's arm and walks up the hill. She can just see a piece of the crescent moon that's in the sky. She lays down the blanket on the grass, slips off her shoes and sits on the blanket, placing the grocery bag just off to the side. Alex joins her and leans propped up on her elbows taking in the sounds of the crickets, her eyes catch the green flicker of the few lightening bugs that hover above, before she lays flat on her back and starts chuckling to herself.

"Have you actually gone mad? Because I'm essentially on the verge."

"Oh without a doubt, and I'm pretty sure it's irreversible," she pulled Piper close against her and shut her eyes, "I just need to lie still."

"No arguments there," she says laying her head against Alex's abdomen.

She starts chuckling again, making Piper's head bounce around. She's torn between a mix of insanity and exhaustion, "I feel like...like I just turned on a blender, but forgot to put on the lid."

"Sounds about right, and starts all over again tomorrow. See you then."


	21. Chapter 21

*reference to chap 16 of Caught in the Whirlwind

Phantomframe- enjoy your marriage to this fic lol

thanks for the feedback

* * *

21

She stretches her long limbs straight, pointing her toes. They're met with wetness from the dew resting on the grass around their blanket, causing her to sharply inhale and open her eyes. The blonde's head is tucked underneath her chin, her cheek is pressed warmly against her chest. Her left wrist with her watch is pinned beneath the blonde. The sky is hazy, she rubs her right hand over Piper's left shoulder,

"Pipes?," she simultaneously pulls her arm around from under her to look at the time, 05:42.

Alex leans up briefly and sees their car is still parked at the bottom of the hill; she remembers the antics of their child's tantrum and subsequent projectile vomit, now probably crusted into the upholstery. She wrinkles her nose as, just the memory seems to cause the smell to migrate up into her nostrils; her back falls into the blanket, she wraps her arm around Piper and pulls her close while her brain swirls with thought.

She thinks of why she was so bothered by the incident in the car. He's still so young, she reasons, we're teaching him morals, she reassures herself. He's healthy and normal and he's supposed to test our limits. So why is this lingering? She runs a hand over her head and rests her head back onto her hand.

 _Apple doesnt fall far from the tree, eh?_ Her mind taunts her.

 _But he's not of my branch,_ she wills the thought away.

 _Ah, but can nurture overrule nature?,_ her thoughts wave over in domination.

She shuts her eyes, and mildly shakes her thoughts away, trying to rid the negativity. Failing, she thinks back to the times when Piper threw her ability to manipulate situations in her face, "whatever it takes to get what she wants," she hears the younger blonde calling her out on her vice from the doorway of the hotel bathroom.

She looks at Piper, sleeping against her and silently questions, like she's done time and time again, and will probably do until she breathes her last breath, _how can you_ _trust that I won't go back to being that person?_

She thinks of the lucid image of the blonde sitting up in the bed of hotel, the sheet wrapped around her body, with disgust, sadness and fear written all over her face, "and I think what scares me more than anything else is it doesn't even have an effect on you."

She opens her eyes, and gently nudges the sleeping blonde, she needs her. Needs to hear her say she's a different person now, that we're all flawed, that she isn't as wicked as she feels in this very moment.

"Pipes," she says again, with a crack of her voice. But the blonde doesn't answer.

"You're so beautiful, but the things you do are so horrid I'm struggling to separate them," the sight of the younger blonde fighting the shaking of her body, verbalizing the thoughts that she's tried to convince herself werent true.

"Piper!," she shakes her more roughly.

"Mmmm?," she replies in her sleep. She looks absolutely wiped out and the brunette feels guilty for a moment for trying to wake her when she looks so peaceful, but she needs her more.

"Babe, please wake up," she wills with longing in her tone.

The blondes brow furrows in frustration, "whyyyyyy?," she asks no one. It's a general inquiry of questioning the rationale of having to be broken out of a restful sleep. She opens her eyes and realizes they're outside.

"Tell me I'm not a wreck, that our son isn't picking up on my innately manipulative nature."

"What the hell are you talking about?," she asks with an upturned palm. "Why do you continue to play this game?," she whines bringing her hand up underneath Alex's chin and squeezes her cheeks together.

"Stop it Pipes, I'm serious. Why would he even think to throw the sandwich out the window?"

She grunts, "because he wanted a cupcake and we flat out told him he wasn't getting it until he finished the sandwich? What would you've done?"

"Exactly, I would've done the same fucking thing. Piper it's freaking me out. I don't even care that he flipped out and thrashed his legs around like we were holding him down, and torturing him. But he knew he could finagle his way around the issue and get what he wanted."

"He's a toddler, Alex."

"I'm ruining him."

"So do you think every other small child, doesn't dip their little toe into the water to see what happens, and then when nothing does, just plunge their whole leg in?," she says sitting up, looking directly into the brunette's eyes.

Alex sits up, the dark hair falls over her face as she hangs her head contending the rationale of her other half.

"Piper he watches us, studies our actions, listens to our words. After a lifetime of following in our paths, how do you know which he'll take?"

"Are you seriously trying to elucidate that you're a noxious person by nature? We made bad decisions, served our time, and we're given another chance to prove that at the heart of hearts, by nature, we have the ability to make better choices and progress. We're not our crimes, Alex. I believe you're the person who honed that into my core, no? Or were just talking out of your beautiful ass?"

The brunette chuckles. "Somehow it sounds more convincing coming from your mouth."

"We teach and correct undesirable behaviors. Are you really contemplating if were raising a sociopath? Which if you are, would be a diss in my favor."

"That's my point, are insane people insane because of how theyre raised or is biology to blame?"

"I don't know, but regardless..."

"It's not regardless!"

"When you think back to those times, and please don't go too deep, are you not able to see why your direct actions were inexcusable?"

"Yes. Fuck!," she hates that this has continued to claw it's way back into her thoughts, "of course I can."

"So, do I need to spell out that your previous actions were an act of survival? When the egg cracked and all the shit spilled out onto the floor, the suitcases of money, the 500 thread count sheets, the private oceanside massages... me," she brings her hand to her own chest, "were all gone and you were left with nothing but yourself, were you not able to understand that you fucked up? Your words."

"Sure, and I also had a nervous breakdown, shot myself up with heroin and went right back to doing the same shit."

"Because, you were depressed and were in a bad place, not because you didn't have the ability to make the right choice." She frowns slightly at her wife's continued angst. "Will you ever be able to let it go?"

"I honestly don't know. Whenever I'm in a good place, it's almost like I hunt for something to screw it up."

"You feel like you don't deserve to be happy."

She shrugs a single shoulder lightly.

Piper hooks her hand behind the brunette's neck and pulls her impossibly close. "You had the odds stacked against you, and you learned to cope. No, not in the best ways possible, but you tried to find your way. You fucked up, you paid your debt to society. You've done nothing but actively overanalyze every decision you've made since, a bit obsessively for my taste nontheless, but I love you in spite of it."

Her head picks up some at Piper's words.

"Look at me, honestly, and tell me that you were putting on a front anytime you tried to console me when I was upset back then, or was it genuine?"

"It was legimate."

Piper places her open palm flat against the space between the brunette's breasts, "and the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day."

Alex laughs through her nose and pushes Piper's hand away. Guilt tugs at her heart for making the blonde repeat the mantra she's required for years since her release.

Piper continues, "and not for nothing, but the puke all over the car says he has a conscience."

"He's such a good kid Pipes, I know that, it just scares me when he's able to figure out how to get what he wants."

"If only the rest of his childhood is penetrated by innocent flying sandwiches."

Alex flicks her wrist as through she's throwing a frisbee and pulls her knees upto her chest.

"You're a wonderful wife and an amazing mother Alex, please try to see that."

"Mother of the year," Alex mutters, "we passed out and left him with your folks!," she laughs out while she rubs a hand over the "blanket head" of her wife.

"Shit," she sits up straighter and checks for her phone in her purse, "well they didn't call, probably passed out too." They stand up, Alex wraps the dry side of the blanket around Piper's shoulders and she starts down the hill.

Piper stares at the back of her head, as she takes long strides, further away from her toward their car and whispers, "do you believe me?"

* * *

Labor day weekend. The last opportunity for habitants of the northeast to get their last licks of anything that resembles summer. They both scurried around the apartment that Friday morning, packing "day of" essentials for their end of summer trip to Fire Island. Piper's parents usually rented the house out for extra income during their retirement, but this year she took advantage of the access, and volunteered to close it down for the season.

Alex poured the coffee into their travel mugs and secured the lids before running to the bathroom to do her makeup. Jamie follows behind her, dressed for his last day of daycare before he starts pre-k next week, his eyes barely look over the sink. Alex unscrews the container and taps some of her ivory powder into the lid. She brings the makeup brush up to her skin and stops, setting it down next to the powder and begins to pull at the skin near her mouth and then her eyes. Piper walks in and squeezes next to her in their small bathroom and looks at her amusedly.

"I'm getting old," she brunette says as her mouth pulls down at the corner.

"You're not old," Piper replies with a roll of her eyes.

"I have crows feet and lines around my mouth," she says with both hands on her face again pulling her skin back. Jamie pulls his skin back on his face copying his mother. Piper pushes his hands away from his face, "they're lines from squinting and laughing all the time, what a horrible life you've had," she squeezes toothpaste onto their sons toothbrush and leans his head back against her hip and starts brushing his teeth.

"That's just a nice way of acknowledging my wrinkles."

"You're right, you're old and you have wrinkles due to bad vision and laughing at other peoples misfortune, serves you right," she rinses Jamie's toothbrush and picks him up, "spit." He fills his cup, swishes the water and spits again.

"I'm gonna grab the car, I'll meet you guys in the front in 5 minutes."

"Stand on the sidewalk, " Alex says to him as she pulls a suitcase in each if her hands while Piper comes around the corner with their car.

Alex taps the metal twice cueing Piper to pop the trunk. She rolls down the passenger window and shouts to him "c'mon get in, get in!" He gets into the car and pulls the straps of his carseat over his shoulders, "I can't do this part," he shouts over Fleetwood Mac's "Rhiannon" that Piper's got blasting in the car.

"Would you stay if she promised you heaven? Would you ever win?," she sings as she turns around and fastens his buckle. He throws his arms in the air and sings "banaaaaaanon." Alex gets in the car and sees her coffee in the holder and gets her seatbelt on, "ahhh, I feel disheveled," realizing she would've forgotten her coffee had Piper not grabbed it, "I forgot to grab our breakfast."

"Taken by, taken by the skyyyyyy," Piper sings into her ear. At a light she reaches down into the bag on the floor near Alex's feet. She rips the foil off a yogurt and passes it back to Jamie, and does another one for Alex.

"Don't be all farklempt, I got ya."

"When did you grab all this? I didnt even see you," she spooned in a mouthful of yogurt, "thanks."

Jamie looks at the crease of skin in his antecubital space and gasps, "oh no! Look," he says pointing to the overlap in skin, "I have a wrinkle, im old!"

Piper purses her lips and glares at Alex, who laughs outloud. She's amused at the vast majority of the things that come out of his mouth, a dull moment does not exist when she's in his presense. She reachs back and grabs his hand to extend his arm, "look when you stretch your arm out, it's gone. It's not a wrinkle, you're not old."

She balances her yogurt cup on her right knee and grabs Piper's hand with her left, smoothing the skin on the blonde's hand with her thumb and tries to change the subject, "they're playing at the Garden at the end of the year, I think."

"Mmmhmmm," Piper nods knowingly as the track changes to "I'm So Afraid."

"Was this for me to take the hint?," the brunette says pointing to the cd player, her fingers still intertwined with Piper's. Piper moves their hands over onto Alex's leg, and smiles sweetly, "can we? I haven't seen them in years."

"I love this guitar solo," Alex turns it up and slumps down in the seat, resting her knees against the glove box. She shakes her hair out to the solo while Piper taps out the beat on the steering well, Jamie rocks out in the back. Piper reaches her hand toward the backseat, "you like this one babe?"

"I'll get him a ticket too," Alex acknowleges.

"Al," she whines feeling bad that she's now mentioned the idea in front of him, "we can't take him."

"I want to go!," he protests,"... where?"

"You wanna see these guys play music on a stage?," she asks pointing back to the cd player.

"Yeah!"

"Al?!"

"Who knows if this'll be the last time they tour, he knows most of the songs," she rationalizes.

"He'll go deaf."

Alex looks at her crossly, "yes, the violins, I'm sure, will damage his hearing. I'll get him those noise canceling headphones, it'll be awesome."

"Alright, alright. Can we at least try to get photos of this so when he tells us we suck later, we can show him that we took him with us?"

"Absolutely."

For once, the day flies by, and after chugging along the Long Island Expressway, they make the ferry just in time, collapsing on the blue benches with their belongings sprawled out all around them. As the ferry pulls up to the dock, Jamie spots "Unfriendly's" ice cream shop, "can we go?!," he asks leaning up on his knees, halfway hanging over the rail.

"Chill child," Alex calms him, "how many hands do I have?"

He points to one of her hands and then the next, "two," he tells her.

She laughs, not expecting a response to her rhetorical question, "let's get our stuff to the house and then we'll walk back over."

Piper waves to the neighbors across the path and exchanges a few words, not having seen them for years, and vows to catch up later. They get inside and Jamie immediately runs over to the televison stand and pulls out all the boxes of old VHS's from Piper's childhood. Piper kneels down next to him and looks through the boxes nostalgically, getting excited over every other movie. She pulls out "The Parent Trap" with Hayley Mills while Alex looks on at her sharing a moment with their boy. She breaks her trance and brings their bags into the respective bedrooms, while Piper comes up to her feet and begins to stock the fridge with the groceries they schlepped over. Piper walks him down to the ice cream shop, while Alex volunteers to start dinner as the sun's already starting to go down.

She sets their dinner on the table out on the back deck, as Jamie struggles to slide open the screen door, the remains of his ice cream melting down his hand.

"I had ice cream before dinner," he expresses his confession enthusiastically.

Alex nods amusedly at his excited admission, as though she wasnt present when they decided to go get his frozen dessert. "Can you go wash your hand please?," she asks him as she lights a citrinella candle, before the mosquitos feast on her provisions.

Piper walks out with a bottle of wine and gives her a look.

"You may not look at me like that while the tiny grasshopper is within sightlines," Alex says forcing her eyes anywhere other than Piper.

"Prob not the best idea now that he just consumed a days worth of sugar then, huh?," she reasons.

Alex raises her eyebrows, confirming her earlier point.

Piper settles on a chair beside her and rubs her back lightly, as Jamie comes back with clean hands and speaks through the screen, "help." Alex backs her chair away from the table and slides the door open for him, then slides it back. She tips her mouth towards Piper's ear and raspily whispers, "raincheck."

Throughout the week, their days are spent in the sun of the empty beach, their nights, sitting around the coffee table, doing puzzles and watching old movies. Nothing is rushed, the days are calm. Alex stands by the sink cleaning out the pan she used to cook their dinner in, Jamie pokes her in her thigh with his plate that he cleared from the table outside.

"Thanks kiddo," she looks back at him scamper and sit besides a curled up Piper who pulled, "Oh the Places You'll Go," from the bookshelf that's mounted on the wall. She makes eye contact with her and licks her lips, causing Piper to re-adjust her position, turning her back toward her.

She reads out loud, "you have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes, you can steer yourself..."

"What does 'steer' mean?," he asks, stopping her, putting his hand on the page.

"Guide." He stares at her, as if this information is completely useless. "It means you can choose which direction you want to go in."

"Okay," he says removing his hand.

"... 'any direction you choose,'" she continues, "see if you just let me finish the sentense, Dr. Seuss, would've explained it to you."

"Who's Dr. Seuss?," he stops her again to ask.

"He's the author of this book."

"He's a real doctor?"

"I don't know," she says shaking her head and tries to re-direct his attention to the page. Alex tongues her cheek from behind them, while slipping the dishtowel through the refrigerator door handle and walks over toward them.

Piper continues, "...with your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street."

"What's a not-so-good street?," he asks and Alex stops in her tracks.

Piper takes a deep breath at his continued inquiries every ten seconds, but answers his question, "a road where there are things that are not nice."

"Scary things?"

"Sometimes, yes," she can't help but continue with the deeper meaning. "Dr. Seuss means that if you're a smart boy, when you see a street that looks scary, you won't walk down it."

"Because there are scary things on that street?"

"Yes." She looks up and sees the nervousness that had just been on Alex's face melt away at her simple explanation. She winks at Piper, and shoots her a lustful look before coming around the coffee table to join them on the couch.

He looks around slightly worried, "what kind of scary things?"

"James," she breathes, wanting to finish the book and put him to bed. Alex cackles to herself, as she goes through this routine almost every night. She's never sure if he asks a question after every line because he's curious or because he tries to prolong his bedtime.

"Like a mean looking dog or broken glass, those kinds of scary things." He presses himself into her side as she continues to read.

"...and your gang will fly on, you'll be left in a lurch," she giggles to herself remembering Alex's nickname, "hey you know what's funny?," she says to Jamie, but then cringes slightly when she sees he's sleeping. She looks up at Alex, who looks unamused.

"Think the Lurch thing is funny, do you?," she peers at her before she teasingly wiggles her toes under Piper's bottom. Piper adjusts her seat and points to their son's head in her lap.

"Ocean air," the brunette explains. "I love it here."

"Me too, it always feels like were a million miles away from the chaos and such," she agrees, tilting her head back into the couch some. "Think the ocean air is enough to keep him knocked out for a bit?," she asks quirking an eyebrow.

Piper looks down at him, "the doors don't lock," she says biting her lip. "I can be quiet," she says with her hand to herself, "can you?"

A wide smile spreads across the blonde's lips, she moves slightly to try to lift Jamie up off her lap and he starts moving around, twisting his body til his face faces her abdomen and wraps her arms around her waist. Piper blows a kiss toward Alex.

"My patience is running thin, I have a threshold, you know."

The following evening, they're on the pathway that leads back from the beach, a deer raises it's head, startling Jamie just slightly before scurrying away into a neighbors yard. "So cool," Alex says as she tickles his sides, reveling in the wonder of the little island. As they head back to the house one of their neighbor's sons asks if Jamie can come over to play for a little while.

He runs into the backyard, while Alex thanks whatever God above for his playmate. They make their way up the ramp to the house and they lay their wet towels along the wooden bannisters before heading to the back deck. Alex takes the wine stopper out of their bottle of wine and empties the remaining wine into two glasses and hands one to Piper. She sits beside her, and jerks her head toward the outdoor shower, it's mocking her.

Piper leans her ear toward the neighbor's yard, she can just barely hear the boys yelling, as boys do, over what? She couldn't care less as the brunette's hand drags up her inner thigh and underneath her shorts, elliciting her to draw her breath in.

"Finally," the brunette exhales against her skin leaning in closer.

"Mmmmhmmm," Piper nods in agreement and moans at the feel of the hand that's pulled her bathingsuit over to the side and is now pressing it's salty self against her center. She rolls her hips forward, causing the white wine to slosh over the rim of her glass and land on the bare skin of her leg. Alex practically dives after it, licking it up and nibbles at the sensitive skin just below the blondes shorts.

"Mom?," his voice rings out as the front screen door slams behind him, causing Alex to bolt upright and Piper to sit up straight.

"We're out back baby," she said standing up, as Alex's forehead slams onto her forearm that now rests on the table. The blonde goes up to the screen door, she can see her son and the neighbor's boy running toward it, "can I eat at his house for dinner?"

"I need to talk to his mother," she presses her cool hands against her cheeks willing away the heat that built up beneath her flesh. She pulls open the door and her eyes track the sand trail that both boys just created along the wooden floors, "and you need to bathe first," she justifies, not wanting to send her sandy son into someone else's home. "Bathtub," she says to him, and tells his new friend that she'll walk him over in a few minutes to make sure it's alright that he joins them for dinner. She watches the boy skip back to his house, as Alex walks up to the screen door looking ravenous, when they hear Jamie scream. They run towards the bathroom where there's a spider crawling near the window in the shower. Piper nervously tries to catch it and after about a minute Alex intervenes,

"just kill it!"

Piper whines, "nooo!," and looks over her shoulder annoyed. Alex widens her eyes, the areyoufuckingseriousrightnow look, is all over her face. She stares at Piper, _lets take forever and a day to capture the fucking spider. Why don't we name it, and buy_ _it a yacht_ _while were at it?_

Piper looks at Jamie, "they capture other bugs, and they spin beautiful webs, you don't kill them!"

They step out of the bathroom while Jamie stays inside, refusing to break eye contact with the spider out of fear of where it will go.

Piper rips a papertowel from the roll in the kitchen, while Alex mouths I'm going to fucking kill you in her direction. The blonde sticks out her tongue and goes back to the bathroom. She lays the papertowel flat against the edge of the shower wall and it crawls onto the paper towel. She screams as she runs with it toward the door but manages to get it outside before it falls, releasing it outside.

Alex slowly claps her hands together as she sits on the edge of the back of the couch, "Humane society award goes to...Piper Chapman."

Piper quickly bathes Jamie and walks with him wrapped in a towel towards his bedroom. They pass Alex who has fallen backwards over the edge of the couch and is laying there in misery, trying not to concentrate on her need. Piper gets him dressed, and walks him to the front door. She shuffles back over to the back of the couch, leans over it and pulls at the edge of the wrap Alex has around her chest, "start the shower."


	22. Chapter 22

22

With his hand in her hand, Piper walks Jamie over and confirms he was actually invited for dinner at the neighbors house, before setting her hopes on anything greater than thirty minutes alone with her wife. They invite her and Alex to join them as well but she asks for a raincheck, while she thinks about her other raincheck that's probably slick with suds waiting for her in their outdoor shower. She ends up inviting them over for the following night, the boys share their approval with resounding, "yes's!," and talk excitedly about having dinner at Jamie's tomorrow.

Piper helps him settle into one of the chairs at their kitchen table and kisses him goodbye. She looks up and sees a pack of Smirnoff's chilling on the top shelf of their refrigerator,

"I hate to be rude but can I trouble you for two of those? We're out of everything."

She's handed two cold bottles, and promises to find the nicest bottle of wine she can find for their pending dinner the following night. She exits at almost a run, making her way across the path toward her house. She finally goes to the back deck to find Alex under the conical spray of the outdoor shower. She passes her the drinks, and places the two towels stacked in her arms down on the bench before fastening the little metal lock through the latch near the door with slow precision. The brunette cackles as she watches the blonde strip down at lightening speed, before throwing her arms behind Alex's neck, her wrists go slack as she presses the full length of her body against the brunette. The blonde hangs onto her and slowly slides her sex down the length of Alex's long leg, just needing some contact for a breif moment to ease the ache between her own thighs. Alex cups the back of the blonde's neck and pulls her close, kissing her roughly, separating their lips only to keep up with her breathing. Piper pulls back slightly, the brunette leans forward trying not to break contact.

"Bend down," Piper commands.

"I love it when you tell me what to do," she says slowly getting to her knees on the shower floor, her eyes gaze at the underside of Piper's breasts.

"No, further, sit your ass back onto your ankles," she says pushing her back slightly. Alex complies, and Piper slips a foot between her legs and pushes them further apart, while raking the dark hair back away from her wife's face. The brunette looks slightly confused, but goes with it, the water pounds steadily at her back. Piper reaches a hand back behind herself and pulls a turquoise suction cup dildo from between the towels. She bends down at eye level with the brunette and looks into her eyes naughtily, with her tongue in her cheek. Alex looks back into her, aroused at her deviousness. Piper reaches her hand low, her ideas for any foreplay aren't needed, as she makes contact with Alex's hot sex. She parts the brunette's lips, and eases the turquoise toy in until its almost completely out of sight. She looks into Alex's eyes as she bites down on her lip trying to hold back her moans.

"Open your mouth, I want to hear it all," she says pressing her forehead against the brunette, hooking her finger and pulling down the brunette's lip. She kisses her hard and lowers her hand from the brunette's mouth, settling it on her waist, while continuing to steadily ease the turquoise toy in and out.

"Uhhh," the brunette moans in a way that is organically Alex.

She pulls it out, "you fucking tease," Alex complains, while Piper grasps her head and points it toward the ground. She firmly adheres the suction cup to the floor of the shower, and bends the dildo back slightly, leaving a single hand on Alex's hip and helps her ease on, before rising to her feet.

Alex grabs Piper behind her thigh and drapes it over her shoulder while taking a long lick of the blonde's cunt. Between the agonizingly long wait time and the alcohol lowering any reserve, Piper's moan of satisfaction let her know this wasn't going to take long. Piper's wet body shook as she got closer. She pressed the heel of her foot into the brunette's back, pulling her closer and deeper between her legs. While Alex was stuck in place, the blonde's hips worked harder, dancing up and down to wildly fuck Alex's face. Alex grinned into her sex for a moment as Piper started whimpering the way she did, with little breaths escaping in between, she knew those noises very well.

She grabbed onto Alex's shoulders as the brunette sucked away at her clit. She felt Alex go up and down, riding the toy secured to the ground, each time she went up, the thigh that was hooked onto the brunette's shoulder stretched her further, but the hurt was minimal in comparison of how badly she wanted to cum. Her leg started to shake underneath her, and Alex held her steady with one hand on the back of her thigh, while the other grazed the blonde's soaked sex in a straight line sending her over the edge. The blonde splayed her hands against the wall, steadying herself for just a moment before she got down on her knees and eased the brunette off the dildo, wanting to finish her off. She kneaded the soft flesh of the brunette's ass with her hands before hooking her leg over her shoulder like her wife just had, she slipped two fingers inside, and licked her in slow circles.

"Faster," she grunted out, she needed to cum now. Without hesitation, the blonde's tongue worked faster, though messily, between the water of the shower and Alex's soaked cunt, she just tried to keep contact. She felt Alex grab a fistful of her hair and pull her as close as she could to her sex as she closed her eyes, bucked against her face, grunting only once, before letting her go. She opened her eyes and looked down at the blonde, still on her knees, smiling up at her proud.

"Fucking hell," she said leaning her back against the wall. She reached up and pressed her hand against the shower head spraying Piper below her,

"well isn't this convenient for clean up?"

Piper clamored up beside her, giddy like a school girl. She squeezed some shower gel into her hand, rubbed it into a lather and coated the brunette's body, admiring the suds as they rinsed down her pale, but gently sun kissed, flesh. Eventually they sat on the bench to the side of the shower, wrapped in towels, not wanting to get up.

"So, if we haven't scared them away with our nature calls, I invited the neighbors over for dinner tomorrow night."

Dinner the following night went off without a hitch, if they were heard, the neighbors hadn't made it obvious. Their last evening was spent taking a walk down a neighboring beach. The tall grass of the dunes blew north, as the wind that swept off the ocean coated their skin, sending goosebumps all over their bodies. Piper zips up Jamie's sweatshirt while he sits down to start digging a hole. Alex fixes Piper's hoodie over her head and pulls the strings hard so that all that's visible are her nose, mouth and chin. Taking advantage of her blindness, Alex kisses her on the nose before playfully running her tongue across the blonde's lips and pulls her to the ground. She loosens the hood around Piper's face, the blonde leans into her, running a hand up and down the brunette's leg. Alex wraps an arm around the blonde's shivering shoulders and pulls her closer, sniffing her hair, and takes in the scent that is uniquely Piper. The blonde's fingers intertwine with hers, she always loved how her hand fit into hers, the missing piece to her puzzle. She completed her, it was simply kismet.

* * *

They enter the lobby of their building and collect the week's worth of mail from the behind the little silver door of their mailbox. They unlock their front door and the smell of lavendar, mixed with honeysuckle slams them in the face: the smell of home. The large stack of envelopes gets plopped onto the mail table, they promise to sort through it in the next few days. Relaxation is still the priority after a week long rest on the beach. The luggage that smells of salt water, is unpacked and put away, its contents added to the ever growing laundry pile, that can wait too. The electronics get plugged back in, clothes are replaced by pajamas, the night grows deeper, novels are cracked open, their eyes grow heavy as sleep overtakes them.

Alex looks over her list of things she wanted to accomplish over the summer. About half of them got done, she acknowledges, Bryant Park Summer Series is still on her list. Piper mentioned wanting to catch an outdoor movie like they used to, she'd completely forgotten about it. She scrambles for the schedule, tonight's the last night, Singing in the Rain, she reads, perfect.

"Pipes?," her voice dances down the hall.

Their tote is packed for the outdoor screening in the park. They decide to walk despite their son's protest against taking his stroller, as it's "for babies" and try to avoid accumulating more things to tow as they know one of them will end up carrying him the majority of the way. As expected after about five blocks, the little adult stretches his arms up toward Piper to be lifted up. She cradles him against her hip and he tucks his head against her shoulder, looking up occasionally to investigate the louder noises that break through the constant bustle. About ten blocks later, she says he's too heavy and he switches onto Alex's back. Every now and then she pinches his ankle, causing him to lift his face from her back and giggle, "stop it, mama."

They set up camp on a patch of grass on the lawn, lean back and allow themselves to be taken back to the 20's. Jamie stands up in excitement every now and then, standing between their shoulders, he watches the couple kiss on the doorstep,

"is she the love of his life?," he asks loudly pointing to the screen.

"Shhhh," Piper presses her index to her lips giggling. She pulls him onto her lap and nods, "yes."

Her fingers dance out the score along with Kelly's melodic tapping, to the self titled hit, against her son's leg that's now bent in her lap. He leans back against her while Alex watches him absorb her love of the musical arts before she rests her own head down on Piper's other thigh. He lasts the whole movie, finally dozing as they descend the subway steps to the local 1 train in Times Square. Alex wraps his legs around her waist before sitting alongside Piper. The blonde tilts her head down and closes her eyes against the brunette's lithe shoulder, the brunette catches their reflection in the glass of the opposite window. Her gaze breaks and notices someone stare at them just for a moment before softly smiling and returning to their book. She looks down at her boy, and notes that despite the air conditioning that pumps through the cart chilling his legs, his forehead is moist, wetting the edges of his hair. She longs for the days where he lay snugly against her chest in his Moby wrap while they took their journey home.

The following evening, the light from the office lamp buzzes. They sort through a stack of envelopes, mostly which are bills. Piper sits at the desk, while Alex sits cross-legged on the floor with papers scattered around her. Piper slides her finger underneath the adhesive flap and scans over a bill that's close to a thousand dollars for sperm storage,

"what the hell is this?," she asks, her voice raised as she pivots the chair, throwing the paper at Alex. The brunette's grey-green eyes quickly dart over the bill, the storage expires for this year at the end of the month, she takes note.

"Have you been paying for this behind my back?," Piper asks her in shock.

"It's just one payment every year," she tries to brush it off and continues looking through other papers on the floor.

"I thought you took care of this three years ago Alex." Her mouth re-opens to speak but it takes her a moment to find her words, "you know what we could've done with that money?"

"You didn't even know the money was gone," the brunette replies raising her hand up slightly. Piper feels her chest tighten, "it's not the point, you lied to me."

"I didn't lie to you," she says with offense in her tone.

Jamie steps in and drapes his arms around Alex's neck from behind, "are you having a fight?"

"No!," they both answered loudly at the same time. His eyes open wide, startled.

"No," Alex said in a lower tone and kissed one of his arms, "we're not fighting. Go put on your pajamas, I'll be in your room in a minute."

Piper waited until he was out of earshot before she continued, "you lied by omission." She was about to ask why she would continue making payments on something that was never going to happen, but the answer was obvious. "It wasn't your money to make this kind of financial decision, you should've talked to me about it."

"So what's yours isn't ours?"

"You know what I mean," she came to her feet and stood over the brunette who sat so very still on the floor.

She knew she was wrong, there was no point in arguing it, "I wasn't ready to let the idea go."

Mixed emotions flipped through her stomach at her wife's words-deceit, anger, sadness. Her face tensed involuntarily, "and it's not your body that would have to go through it again," she said more irritated at the fact that Alex didnt understand the physical and emotional struggle that accompanied the desire she kept hidden for so long.

"Alright its done, just drop it. I'll call them in the morning and tell them to refund us, fuck."

"Don't even try to cop an atittude with me, I am really trying to keep my shit together here. I should be flying off the handle," she said pacing, "and I'll call them, I dont want another thousand dollar bill next year. She motioned for Alex to hand her the bill.

She tightened her grip around the paper, not wanting to let it go. She extended her arm towards Piper, and felt the blonde snatch it from her hand. She raised her arms in surrender and looked away turning her body away from the blonde. She dug her elbow into the side of her knee and let her face slump against the palm of her hand.

Piper collapses back into the chair, "why didnt you mention this before?"

Alex took a few moments before she answered, "I did," she says barely above a whisper. "When?," she said at almost a gasp.

"Years ago," she says so lowly that Piper can barely hear her.

Piper squints her eyes and shakes her head toward the back of the brunette's head. "The only time you ever mentioned, even the slightest desire to have a second baby, was when I was still pregnant with Jamie and you werent even sure then."

"Right. I told you I wanted to know our options." Her face is still turned away from Piper, her eyes fill with tears as her dream slowly crumbles away.

"So if you still wanted another one, why didn't you say anything?"

"It was never the right time."

"In four years, Alex?, " she stands up and starts pacing again, "and all this time, you never thought about voicing this to me, or put forth the idea that you could carry another baby for us."

"You know thats not an option."

"As much as this isn't for me!"

"Its not the same!," she says turning toward Piper.

"Don't shout at me," she starts to shout back and sees Alex grab her head with her hands and grips her hair tight. Piper stares down at her, seething and wanting to release her tirade, but she thinks of Alex's fear of herself, the fear she verbalized as they laid on the blanket in the park in Connecticut, and aside from the physical strain of enduring a whole pregnancy, she knew the emotional turmoil of it all, would be too much to healthily bear for the brunette.

Piper crouches down next to her and rests her hand on Alex's crossed leg, "I'm forty years old Alex," she tries to reason. "To do this all again... not only the nausea and back pain and ruining my body again but the three hour feedings, and sleep deprivation and diapers, and then potty training, and finding the right school," she continued "you'd really want to do all that again?"

The brunette's thumb comes away from her face as she shrugs her shoulder and slowly shakes her head, "no."

"I mean I wouldn't trade it for anything, I was...we were...we are...one hundred percent dedicated to him, and I just don't know if I have that in me to do it all over again. I mean could you?"

 _YES_!, you dumb blonde, the voice inside her body screamed with heartache. I could do it all again, and again. "I guess not," she whispered.

"I mean if this was ten years ago, I might consider it, but not now."

"I get it okay? I'd be 60 when the kid would be in college," Alex grumbles.

"64," Piper quickly corrects her.

Alex glared at the blonde, before she let her shoulders sink, she looked completely broken, "you made your point."

Piper's bottom lip quivers, "I'm sorry," she says raising both of her hands and leaves Alex sitting in the center of the room, like she did the last time she couldn't bear the sight of the woman's breaking heart.


	23. Chapter 23

23

Over the following week, the tension was thick. They both escorted Jamie to his first day of pre- school, he hugged them goodbye, and settled in very easily. Parents were able to stay for the first hour to observe and console if needed, but no tears were shed, no extra hugs were called for; he was assigned a cubby, and a shape that represented him, until he learned to recognize his name. He was shown to his space at table number four, and started talking to the other three children who sat at his table. Piper and Alex stayed the hour, exchanging minimal words before they went their separate ways to work. Conversations, over the next two weeks were bleak, accompanied by the occasional please and thank you. While they normally spent time together in shared space, Piper found herself alone in their living room while Alex spent time in their office. They took turns taking care of Jamie's various needs separately, the space between them lengthened.

The leaves changed, as November rolled through, they'd been taking Jamie to swimming lessons each Saturday morning since the first weekend in September. Alex drove their car crosstown to pick up Nicky who was very excited to see the hype of the lessons her friends were always ranting about. The brunette pulled up to the curb, Nicky went to pull the rear door open but saw Piper sitting in the back. She raised an eyebrow while she pulled the passenger door open and took a seat next to Alex.

"Driving Ms. Daisy, are ya? Hey Jamie!," she said over her shoulder, with a squeeze of his knee. "Just thought you might be more comfortable in the front," Piper said, not wanting to get into it.

"You care about my comfort since when?," Nicky asked feeling the tension. She flicked on the radio not wanting to be caught in the middle of the time bomb that could almost be heard ticking.

They climb up the small bleachers on the side of the pool, the space is heated by the sun peering through the large glass windows.

"Its fucking boiling in here, " Nicky says taking a seat on the top row of the bleachers. Alex is so tired of the forced amicability, and now that she can read it on Nicky's face, she knows it's permeable. The brunette turns an upturned palm toward Piper, to hold her hand. The blonde barely looks at her before standing up and descends the bleachers.

"Everything okay in paradise with you two?," Nicky asks through the side of her mouth.

"Freaking drama."

"No way, drama, between you guys?," Nicky stopped with the sarcasm when she expected a smirk or Alex's usual playful shove, but received nothing but a glance. They watch Jamie do the last warm up lap with the float on his back as the instructor has the kids sit along the edge. One by one the instructor brings them in the center of the pool and removes the floaty to swim about 10 feet to the nearest wall. The brunette slaps Nicky on the knee excitedly, "watch this! He almost made it last time." Her eyebrows furrow, "where's Piper? She's gonna miss it," she says slightly annoyed and disheartened. She watched her son wiggle his body with big kicks and grabs onto the ledge. He takes deep breaths as he wipes the water from his face and smooths his hair back before he waves to Alex and Nicky and then off to the the side some. Alex notices the blonde sitting there, she didn't miss anything, she thinks, knowing in her heart of hearts, she wouldn't have missed his lesson, but felt her aggravation build as the blonde purposely removed herself and never rejoined them.

She squeezes her empty water bottle a little tightly, irritated at the blonde's separation from Jamie's fanbox, the bottle makes a crinkling noise. She tries to refocus on her son, who's sitting on the edge gently kicking hit feet in the water, waiting for his next turn, she sighs, "I want another one."

Nicky swirls the remaining water she has and offers the backwash, but Alex doesn't notice.

"I'll go get you one," she offers standing up, knowing Alex would die of dehydration before she got up and missed another opportunity to see Jamie swim. Alex looks over at her, and then looks at the bottle,

"no," she says pulling Nicky by the arm to have her sit back down, "I want another baby."

"What?," she laughs out.

Alex looks at her irritated and turns her attention back to her little fish.

Nicky immediately regrets her laughter ,"you're serious?"

"Why is it so unbelievable? Lots of people have more than one."

"Yeah, when they're in their 20s, maybe."

Alex purses her lips and shakes the thought away again. There was no use in going through this again if no one even thought this was plausible.

"Hh-have you talked to Piper about it?"

"Does Lady Gaga wear big shoes? That's why she's annoyed with me."

"Annoyed?"

"I kind of didn't go about it in the best way possible," she admits.

"Ah man, what'd you do?"

"I don't want to get into it. Regardless, she won't even consider what I want."

"It's kind of a lot to take in... a lot to ask. Can you really blame her?"

"No I don't blame her for being put off by it, but to not even consider it? It's a slap in the face, I can barely look at her," she says with sadness in her voice.

Nicky curls her lip and places a hand on the brunette's thigh, not having the words to console her.

"I understand her point," Alex goes on, "and she's probably right. It doesn't make me want one any less." She shrugs her shoulders, digs her elbows into her thighs and lets her chin sit in the palms of her hands.

At the end of the lesson Piper approaches her, "you want to take him? I need to run some errands. I'm more than happy to take him with me, but I figured if you're gonna hang out with Nicky, she'd like to spend some time with him."

Alex barely nods and Piper walks off rummaging through her bag. -

"Maybe you guys just need to give it more time," Nicky says lightly as they walk on the sidewalk toward the park.

"It's been two months Nick, it's just getting worse."

She lifts Alexs hand and stares at her long nails, "yeah I can see that."

"You know," fuck off she mouths and pulls her hand back.

They stop into a drugstore to grab a bag of chips for Jamie. Alex turns her head away, obviously, from the baby aisle and runs a hand through her hair.

Nicky widens her eyes, "is it really that bad?,"

She closes her lips into a frown and nods, "just the smell of the lotions and things, I cant take it." She tucks into the aisle and starts fiddling with the "As Seen on TV" products.

"Vause, I can't take the soft, you know that," she says as she sees Alex look up and will away the tears that want to come.

She sniffs once, "I'm good."

"So you don't need this Sham-Wow?," the bushy haired blonde lifts the fluorescent thick fabric.

She chuckles lightly, "no."

They go to a playground and sit on a bench while Jamie plays.

"It's gonna be okay," she offers gently, not knowing what else to say.

"Mama, watch this!," Jamie shouts from the top of the slide for the seventh time in a row, he squeels as he zooms down the slide.

She sits up straight as he goes flying off the slide, almost falling onto his face, but he regains his balance. He flashes her the same grin Piper has when she wants to gloat, _I_ _told you so_ , she gives him his seventh thumbs up.

"I should just concentrate on what I have," she decides.

"You should call Yoga, shes all about that."

Alex nods in agreement, a small smile forms on her mouth at the thought of Yoga Jones, and the thought of Piper stretching her fingers to her toes in front of her.

"You don't have to like everything about her ," Nicky reminds her, "you love her. She loves you, you'll work it out."

After a while she responds, "thanks for trying to deal with my shit."

"No thanks necessary, it's good to be there with you guys when unicorns are shittin rainbows, but I stood beside you that day to remind you that you love her, when you have times like this."

Alex turned her head and looked Nicky straight in the eye, she was sure to lose it. She stood up, "c'mon J, let's go!," she called out to him, she had a better chance at keeping her composure if he was beside her.

Upstairs, Alex and Nicky are sitting at the table. When they hear the door unlock, Alex grabs a magazine and turns the pages quickly, pointing out nothing in particular to Nicky.

Piper says "hey," to no one specifically, she opens her mouth to say something else. "He's down for a nap," Alex answers her before she can ask.

She starts noisily unpacking items she purchased at the store, and Nicky stands up so they can have some privacy.

"I'm gonna go drop off the kids at the pool," she says trying to break the tension, walks into the bathroom and closes the door.

Piper makes a disgusted face in her direction and continues unpacking.

"Please continue ignoring me and be a little louder, the people in my magazine, can't quite hear you."

"Really? Of all things you can say, that's what you choose?"

"What do you want me to say Piper?"

"I want you to acknowledge that youre at fault here, and apologize."

"Im not sorry for it! Not for a second."

"Excellent, than I have nothing to say to you either," she says walking off again, mumbling under her breath. She closes their bedroom door harder than necessary.

Alex has had it with being left behind mid-argument. She goes to open their door, but its locked. She knocks on the door hard, "Piper!," she shouts.

"You need to leave me alone," the blonde yells out from behind the door. Alex can hear drawers opening and closing, the blonde still muttering.

Alex leans into the door, you love her, she reminds herself despite the personality clash that's occurring through the door. She tries to swallow her pride, "we need to talk about this."

"I don't want to talk about this right now!," she says from behind the door again. Nicky comes out of the bathroom and eyeballs Alex whose hands are pressed on both sides of their bedroom door with her head hanging.

"We've put it off for long enough, how much longer do you want this to keep going?"

Piper opens the door dressed in running clothes and stands back, not expecting for Alex to have been blocking the door way. She raises her hand, "I need some space," she says and dips underneath Alex's arm, making her way toward their front door to put on her sneakers.

Nicky watches Alex throws her head back in frustration before going into their bedroom and slamming in the door. "Whoa college, hang on, where ya going?"

"I need to run it off," she says, angrily unscrewing the key from her keyring and bending down to stick it in her sneaker.

"Let me go with you."

"You're gonna run?"

"Brisk walk?," she offers, "got an extra pair of kicks?"

Piper races down the stairs of their apartment building, while Nicky struggles to keep up, they get outside and Piper screams.

"Christ, that temper! People are going to think someone's trying to stab you in the chest. Can you freakin' cool it?"

"She drives me crazy," she shouts walking quickly.

"This is nothing new," she reasons, "you have a bad temper and she's stubborn as fuck. Obviously the two of you have shitty plans that aren't working out for either of you. She needs you, she's fuckin' dyin up there."

"Nick," she stops short and turns toward the shorter woman at her heels, "she fucking lied to me."

Nicky's mouth opens and looks at her confusedly, finding this hard to believe. "I'm not trying to take sides, she knows she went about this the wrong way, that's all I know."

"I don't even care about what she wants..." Nicky cuts her off,

"that's her problem..."

Piper cuts her off and exhales, "I'm pissed that she doesn't talk to me about important things, things that impact me. It's the same problem, recycling the same issues since the beginning of time. She talks to me about all the shit that swirls through her head without a second thought, but anything that's going to directly effect me, I'm left in the dark."

"She doesn't want to hurt you."

"But it does! It makes it worse. She feels things and doesn't tell me...," she looks so frustrated, that the root of their twenty year old problem is the same, "until it's too late."

"So freaking tell her that! I am not a liason, but I don't want to see you guys like this, you need to be able to work through your problems."

"I'm not a therapist," she says panting, "and I don't know how to always get stuff out of her." "She's not the best communicator. But she's gotten so much better. She loves you..."

Piper shoots Nicky a glare albeit knowing she speaks the truth.

"... and you love her too, that's why you get so heated. You guys are your own worst enemies. When it's good, its really good, but when it's bad, hoooly shit."

"I know. We go for months with nothing but sugar and spice, but like you said when we fight, sometimes it can get intense. Too intense."

"Talk to her okay? She won't come to you again, you know that."

"Head like a bull, I know."

Piper gets upstairs, and goes straight to the shower and tries to run through how shes going to approach this monster that's grown over the last few months.

She steps out of the shower ready to talk, Alex is packing a bag. "What are you doing?"

"Giving you your space."

"You're leaving?," she looks terrified.

"There's an opportunity to go south again for a week. We were going to send one of the interns, but I just called and volunteered. They're thrilled."

She sees Piper's body relax, the blonde looks at her with a loving stare. While initially she was relieved to see the blonde calm, and almost happy looking, for the first time in weeks, she realized Piper had previously looked terrified for alternative reasons.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Alex states sarcastically, forcefully shoving a blouse in the suitcase.

"I saw the suitcase, I just thought... I didn't say anything else."

"The skepticism all over your face, says plenty," she exhales audibly, "I thought you had more trust in me."

She zips up the suitcase and rolls it out the door, "I'm sleeping on the couch." She leaves it by the door and walks down the hall into Jamie's room and glares at Piper, before shutting the door gently behind her.


	24. Chapter 24

24

Alex steps through the door of her hotel room. She turns on the lamp on the desk, leans back a little, there's not so much as a fingerprint gleaming off the desk. She half turns around the room and takes in just how clean it really is. She lifts the folded card on the bed, well, thank you Ana for cleaning my room to one notch shy of sterilization. Her home hasn't been neat or even clean for that matter since the day Piper slowly moved herself into her place. She sets her suitcase on the luggage stand, pulls out her pajamas and her toiletry case and gets ready for bed.

She shoots Piper a text, "is his schedule clear? Can his people call my people?"

Alex swipes across the face of her phone to answer Piper's incoming call, "hello?"

"Hi!," he screams from the other side of the phone, forcing her to pull it away from her ear. She paces around the room and talks to him about his day. He hands the phone to Piper when he's done and they make a date for the following night.

On the third night she sets her things down, and heads into the bathroom to take a shower. She pulls the comforter back before collapsing on the bed and peruses the room service menu. While she's ordering, she reads over the kids' menu in the lower right hand corner and thinks of what she'd order Jamie if he were here with her.

Like she'd done the last two nights, she sends Piper a text asking if he was ready. A few minutes later the bing bong music from Skype chimes off of the walls in the office. The brunette figured this would be better after Piper said he was asking each morning if he was "going to see her today?" Piper sets him up at the desk. He kneels on the chair at the desk and waits.

She pops up puffing out her cheeks and pulling her ears to make him laugh. When he sees the image he laughs and tries to do the same but he can't because he's laughing so hard. She waves and asks how he's doing.

"Good mama!," he answers and pulls at the edges of the screen, "I drew a picture of a plane today."

"You did? I didn't even know you knew how to draw a plane. Did you bring it home?"

"Yeah, it's in my backpack! And it has red on it and I have a sticker on my paper from my book."

"Well okay then! Can I see it?"

He nods and goes to pull the laptop with him as he has seen them do to show things to his grandparents and people his moms knew from a long time ago.

"No no no, get them and bring them here, I'll wait," she tells him just in time before he dropped her on the floor. She sees him get down and jog away. A minute later she hears paper wrestling and Piper's voice talking to him.

She takes the papers from him and puts them on the desk before helping him back onto the chair. She sits on the desk for a moment before he pushes her off, saying she's not to sit on tables. She leaves the office and sits on the floor outside, leaning against the wall. If she can get over the white noise and bit of static it's almost as if her wife is right inside.

"And black hair and glasses!," she hears him describe his drawing to Alex. She smiles at his description of his art, his squiggles aren't exactly obvious but he's been drawing them for years and while she had no neck and her arms were coming out of her face, the person he drew in the big red bubble in the sky was unmistakably Alex.

"Are you coming home tonight?," he asks her.

"No baby, 4 more sleeps."

"Is that a lot?"

"It sure feels like it." Pipers wipes her nose with her thumb, it sure does.

"Hang on baby," she answers the door for room service for dinner and brings it back over to the desk. "And what'd you have for dinner tonight?"

"I didn't," he says shrugging his shoulders.

"You didn't eat yet?," she says irritated, but then looks at the clock and realizes it's only 6:30pm. He shakes his head no. "We had chicken and broccoli yesterday."

Piper nods her head. _And that's what we're having again, this isn't a restaurant._

"Did it come from outside like this," she lifts the plate with the tin plate warmer, "or mommy made it?"

Piper's mouth drops.

"Mommy made it. The house smelled like farts, but it was yummy."

Piper makes a face, _damn right it was! And what if I did order out Alex Vause? Such a pain in my ass._

"Can I eat with you?," he asks causing Alex's laughter to halt, a serious expression in its place.

"Uh," Alex hesitates, hating how horrible the scenario was. People left their family for work all the time, why did this feel so wrong? Because it was voluntary you heartless giant.

"Why don't you eat with mommy tonight and maybe we can have dinner together tomorrow?"

"I'll see you tomorrow?," he asked excitedly.

"No, well you can see me on here, like today."

"Nooooo," he runs out and steps back once he sees Piper on the floor and asks to have dinner in there. She tells him he can but just while Alex isn't home, it's not his fault they couldn't get it together, and their family dinner is being separated into two locations around the country, she reasons.

He returns and stands in front of the desk, Alex can only see him from the nose up, until Piper sets a plate on the desk, and helps him up into the chair, adjusting it so he's centered.

Piper comes in when she can hear him ask "how much longer?" again. They say goodnight and end the chat. She shows him the days on the calendar- starting when Alex left, they start making "x's" on the days that have already passed, ending with a circle on the day she'll be back.

"Let's start getting ready for bed, okay? I need to clean up the kitchen but you go pick out a book."

"Will you do the voices?," he asks. She knew he meant the way Alex did. She always was the best reader.

"I'll try my best, okay?" He seems satisfied and pulls two books from his shelf and put them on his bed. She supervises his teeth brushing before curling up into his bed and reads both stories as she doesn't have the heart to tell him "no" right now. When she's done he is still wide awake. She turns on his night-light, and tells him to just lie still for a bit, that he'll fall asleep soon before she closes his door halfway.

In the southern region of the country Alex lays on her back in bed. She extends her arms out to the sides but all she feels is the expanse of the bed with her arms against the cold white sheets. She hadn't slept in a bed alone in close to a decade, never mind a king sized bed without a foot or an elbow poking her in the middle of the night, or the incessant wiggling of their boy in between them. She positions all the pillows around her body to make her feel like someone was beside her before she even felt the least bit drowsy. After a while, she pushes herself off the bed and retrieves the dirty clothes of her family that she swiped before she left, Jamie's light blue shark t-shirt and a pair of Piper's shorts. She lies back on the bed and lays them over her face. She deeply inhales through the fabric, re-positions the pillows and falls asleep.

About an hour later, the blonde gets into bed, and set her own glasses onto the bridge of her nose to read for a while. She leans over to put her book away and turns the frame with their photo in the opposite direction, before turning off the light and flipping over onto her stomach. Her hands press under the pillow and she can feel Alex's night shirt under her pillowcase.

She wouldn't let herself pull it out, she decides when she hears the door creak open, and Jamie's feet on their floor.

"Still up?," she asks, feeling around for his head in the dark. She hits Alex's light on,

"wanna sleep in here?"

She doesn't have to ask twice, as he tries to climb up into their bed. She helps him up and by the time she has straightened the blanket and settled back ready to turn off the light, his face is pressed into Alex's pillow. He rubs his cheek all over it before turning his other cheek away from Piper and presses his butt back into her space. She hits the light off and settles her head between both of their pillows until her face is against Alex's night shirt and goes to sleep.

"I can't find that shirt Jamie. Please we're going to be late, just pick another one."

"But I want that one," he says referring to the light blue one with the shark.

"I don't know where it is. I think it's dirty."

"I looked there!," he says pointing to his hamper and runs off.

Piper sits on his floor sorting through the shirts that he wore that week, looking for the light blue one that he just had to have. They were already running late, if she found it, she'd let him wear it, how dirty could the shirt be? She finds a similar one and walks out of his room to find him.

"Get out of the linen closet, it's not going to be in there, I'll look for it tonight. Can you wear this one?," she says holding up another one he liked. He throws his head back but settles. She opens the cupboard, and holds up a blueberry and a strawberry cereal bar for him, he picks the strawberry one like he does any time she asks him to choose between the two.

"I don't know why I bother asking you when I know what you're going to pick," she says. They run out the door and down into the subway. Fifteen minutes later, they run up the subway steps and down the block to school, barely on time. _And she wants_ _another one? This isn't enough?_

When she returns to pick him up after school, his teacher asks to speak with her while Jamie sits with his backpack on ready to go.

"It's nothing serious. I had to talk to him several times today and ask him not go to his cubby. He got up and went over there while we were reviewing community helpers, then when we broke out into learning centers and again at snack."

"I'm sorry he was disruptive."

"Then at rest time I could hear him making a clicking noise and I thought he was playing with toys that were within his reach. So he was moved into time out, and I took away a star," she says pointing to his chart.

Piper looks over at him, and he drops his head and looks away.

His teacher moves Piper over to the side and lowers her voice, "most kids get really upset when they lose a star that they earned but he continued to sit in the chair, and behaved. He apologized but then I heard this clicking again. I confiscated this," she shows Piper a rectangular container with something white inside, "and that's when he got upset."

"What is that?," Piper asks her curiously.

"I was hoping you could tell me," she hands it to her.

"It's not his," she says turning it over in her hand.

"Well I didn't know what it was either and didn't think he should be inhaling it."

"He was smelling it?," she says confused. She opens the white lid of the plastic container and smells it, lavender dryer sheet and wintergreen tic tacs: "Alex."

"I'll talk to him. I'm so sorry he gave you a hard time. His mom is away for the week, he's never been away from her for this long."

After Alex tells Jamie a story through Skype, Piper talks to her for a bit. She catches her up on what happened at school and while Alex is disappointed that he didn't listen, she is touched that he tried to re-create her scent.

"I've been sleeping with his shirt and your shorts over my face at night," she confesses to Piper.

"His light blue shirt?" she asks leaning closer to the computer.

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"He was looking for it this morning," she laughs looking down. She looks up slowly, "he misses you... we both do...a lot."

"I miss you guys too... too much."

"He's been sleeping in our bed, hogging your pillow. I have to push him aside so I can fit my head onto it too.'

Alex laughs, "I won't be able to kick him out when I get back...well at least not the first night anyway."

"Don't ever leave us again," Piper tells her softly.

"I won't, not like this."

Piper nods, believing her whole heartedly as she can see Alex aching as much as they have been.

"What time does your flight get in on Saturday?"

"Around noon, but I can just take a car and bill it to the company, don't worry about it."

"And know you hit the tarmac in New York and wait two hours longer to see you? He'd never forgive me if he found out."

"Mmmm."

"I love you Al."

"I love you too Pipes."

"See you Saturday."

* * *

They wait for her by the baggage claim in the airport. He spots her coming down the escalator and pulls hard at Piper's arm.

"Wait Jamie, wait til she gets closer."

He jerks her arm, breaking his grasp and runs over to her; she scoops him up and he just lays into her, he doesn't move. She walks back a few steps and puts her stuff down and nudges her bag with her foot out of the way of the other travelers descending from the escalator. His smell, his grip, the heat from his face against her neck, she takes all of him in, in a deep breath, her head leans back against the wall and she exhales, jaggedly in nature. Her baby doesn't let go, she sees Piper through the wisps of his hair that are partially blocking her sight, the blonde raises a hand to say hello. Piper gives them space to continue their love affair, before wrapping her arms around the two of them and rests her forehead into Alex's shoulder. They get out to the car, he knocks out before they pay the toll for parking.

"He hasn't really slept well," Piper fills her in.

"I don't think any of us have," she says, stretching her hand back and caresses his face.

"We have a lot to talk about," she says looking in the rearview and then looks at Alex.

Alex extends an upturned palm toward Piper, the blonde intertwines the pale hand into her own and brings it up and kisses the back.

Alex presses her head back into the headrest and looks out the window, "we do."


	25. Chapter 25

Thanks for the comments on this fic, Whirlwind and Up in the Air.

i will post the Lost Chapters- but once I finish posting this- for fear of spoilers for first time readers.

phantomframe- you're killing me lol

Ejm137- glad to see you're still around and enjoying for a second time.

Vausemanitis- tysm. That was so kind. I spent a lot of time thinking about their back story and where I wanted to see them while keeping it realistic.

17vauseman17- enjoy.

Vausemaniac- always cherished your well thought out commentary. I didn't even know there was a Vauseman fanfic community lol- but you know I'm a bit of a martian when it comes to this.

Acanofbeans- love the name; hope this was fast enough.

Pcav2000, scarredrain and new readers- I'm sorry you searched and couldnt find this.

VonZeppy, NightsLightss, hereforthefix, Librarybook- thanks for the loyalty and enthusiasm. Sorry to have taken down one of your favs.

* * *

25

Their sedan circles the blocks adjacent to their apartment for twenty minutes before finding a parking spot. Alex gets her suitcase out of the back while Piper gets James out of his seat. The brunette sets the bag on the sidewalk and elongates the metal handle.

"Take him," she says handing him over to Alex.

She takes Jamie and holds him close to her chest, resting his head on her shoulder while Piper drags her suitcase behind them as they walk the few blocks home. Alex lays him down on his bed and closes his door just shy of being completely shut. Piper sets the kettle on, the apartment is quiet, the legs of the chair screech across the hardwood, as Alex pulls it away from the table and slumps down. She lays her head on her folded arms and draws her nail in the groove of the wood on the edge of the table. Piper places two mugs on the flat surface, pulling the string of the chai tea bag over the side of Alex's mug and caresses the brunette's head causing her to lift it up. She tracks her eyes from the tea bag to the brunette, motioning for Alex to take over; the brunette pinches the string, lightly brushing her fingertips against the blonde's. She dunks the tea bag repeatedly, she stares at her own hand, mesmerized by the rhythmic up and down motion.

"So," Piper breaks the silence and takes a sip from her own mug.

Alex slumps down further, and places her feet into Piper's lap, letting her neck fall back, cradled against the back-rest of the chair.

"Where do we begin?," Piper asks while wrapping both hands around the brunette's foot and starts familiarly massaging the arch.

Alex shrugs her shoulders, and pulls the mug to her chest with both hands; she dips her face toward the heat and wiggles her toes gently against Piper's lower abdomen, making the blonde suck in, tickled by the touch.

The brunette's thumbs come away from the mug. She's dreading every aspect of this conversation. She looks up at Piper who appears unamused at the brunette's lack of conversation. She finally wills up the courage and musters, "I'm sorry I left the way I did but..." when Piper interrupts her.

"When I said..."

"You're gonna need to not cut me off," she says sharply withdrawing her feet, Piper's hands quickly come away from her feet, knowing not to touch Alex when she's this upset. She crosses her arms and cups her elbows, resisting the urge to reach out; she pulls her arms in toward her body and gives a slight nod in understanding.

"There's a fine line between love and hurting, and knowing when to walk away."

Piper tilts her head slightly, unsure if Alex is about to say something else. "When I said I needed space, I meant an hour or two."

"Well we hadn't really talked in weeks so you could understand my misinterpretation?," she says with a raised voice.

Piper raises both hands, "if were going to get through this conversation," she motioned between herself and Alex, "we need to not yell at each other."

Alex rubs her hands over her tense thighs, and looks up at the woman who can simultaneously make her feel like the flame within her can set the world on fire and make her combust into a pile of pink sparkly glitter within a matter of seconds. Alex slumps back down and puts a foot back into Piper's lap while hooking her ankle behind the leg of her chair. She pulls the cup of tea toward her mouth and sips slowly.

Piper gently starts squeezing her foot again, "I just want you to know that I heard you, and I've thought through your words over and over again," she explains, while Alex leans forward, interested, "and while I can hear your words, I still don't understand them."

Alex looks up to the corner of the room, _and that's always been my problem, hasn't it? Being misunderstood? If you can't understand me after all this time, will you ever?_

Piper squeezes her big toe, "hey..." she says trying to get Alex to look at her, "talk to me," she says with a slight plead in her voice.

Alex tightens her grasp on her mug for a moment before dipping her finger in the tea, she twirls it around, "complete honesty?"

Piper shuts her eyes tightly and breathes out, "that's all I've ever asked of you."

She sucks the tea off her finger, and bites the tip between her front teeth, "I've learned to put my guard up, to protect myself instead of laying everything out," her eyes are pained. "Every time," she says slowly, "I've let it completely down, it's backfired on me."

Piper opened her mouth, ready to protest with a list of the times when letting her guard down had worked in her favor, but she holds her tongue out of fear that she'd trivialize her wife's feelings.

"I've loved you for such a long time," all that reads from the brunette's face is innocence, "and the last thing I want to do, is be the person that causes you anymore heartache." Piper withdraws her hand from Alex's foot and rubs it along her collarbone. "I wanted this for a while, but I was pretty certain you didn't want another baby, we're always busy. I didn't know how to approach it, without running the risk of you getting upset."

"You don't have to protect me."

"One of my biggest regrets, was failing to protect you," she admits. Piper's heart always tugs at Alex's recount of her regrets, as they continuously aim to not live their lives with that smog hanging over their heads. She wags a single finger toward Alex motioning for her to stop with the self-deprecation before she continues.

The brunette swallows, "and while I didn't want to have that conversation and make you upset, I also didn't know if I could handle hearing you actually say it. So I let it sit." She slides her fingers under her glasses and rubs at her eyes.

Piper stares at her wife, her energy is spent. Her skin looks worn, like she hasn't slept in days. She looks exhausted, hopeless, defeated. She's lost for words on how to console her, to make her feel that she could've come to her with anything on the earth, but she couldn't promise how she would've felt had she approached her about this years ago, she only knew what she felt in this moment. She tries to think of some words of encouragement, when the brunette breaks the silence,

"maybe I need therapy," she says leaning back into her chair, "go back on sad drugs or something?," she says half heartedly.

"If you think that'll help," she replies frankly.

Alex furrows her eyebrows, "thanks," she raises her glasses onto her head.

"Well, don't say shit like that. It's simple, just don't hold back from me. I don't care if that's what you want to do with everyone else, but not with me." She nudges the brunette's leg with her foot. She lowers her voice, slight cowardice wafts in her tone, "that burnt so bad Alex. Reverse the roles, if I hid something big from you, how would you have reacted?," she asks with immediate regret, she damns her foot-in-mouth disease.

Alex leans her elbow forward onto the table, and pressed her eyes into the palm of her hand. Piper rubs her hand along the length of the brunette's arm when she sees the muscles of Alex's mouth fight her frown.

"Don't you wish sometimes that you could climb into someone else's body, to understand what really went on?"

Alex looks up disturbed at Piper's desire, "no, I wouldn't want you to be inside my head. I wouldn't want that for anyone."

Piper pinches the skin on Alex's forearm, causing the brunette to withdraw her arm quickly. "The inside of my skull looks like the fucking aftermath of a semi-annual sale."

Piper laughs, "yeah with the smattering of renaissance quotes and a dash of truck driver profanity." Piper squints her eyes towards Alex's head imagining herself backstroking through her brilliant mind, "could be interesting."

Alex purses her lips,"sérieusement," she looks Piper in her eyes, then crosses her own, "folie."

"Sérieusement," Piper repeats releasing any sarcasm from her tone, she holds Alex from the underside of her jaw, "when you talk to me, like really speak to me, I feel closer to you than any other time. Like I'm special and deserving of your secrets."

Alex lets out a small snicker.

"Ne ris pas!," Piper says annoyed at her laugh, "I feel privileged, to have that with you... like we're, I dunno, married or something."

Alex smiles slightly as she raises her hand to remove the one that Piper has under her chin. She looks at the ring on the blonde's finger before laying her hand flat on their table and rests her cheek against it. Piper uses her other hand to rake through the brunette's hair in comfort, understanding how overwhelmed Alex has to get before she ever really spills out the way she feels. She brings her head down a little closer to Alex's on the table,

"I just feel like I was left in the dark and it's going to take me a little bit of time to get over it alright?"

"I truly didn't mean to leave you in the dark," she says muffled with her cheek still pressed against the backside of Piper's hand.

"Just don't overanalyze how I might react."

Alex lifts her head from the table, "I spent years trying to conduct myself in a way that considered exactly that," she removes her glasses and sets them on the table.

Piper takes the bit of dark hair that's fallen over her face and tucks it behind her ear, "I appreciate you not wanting to upset me, but our life shouldn't balanced on a tightrope, especially when it's something you wanted so badly... it's like a burden, isn't it? To hold it in? Waiting so long until it's not really realistic?"

"Yeah it was... a burden," she breathes in deep and exhales her words, "I waited a long time."

"And now at this point in time, it's not something I can confidently give to you."

"I know."

* * *

A week shy of Christmas, Piper wakes up to the sound of something rolling along the hardwood floors of their apartment. The sky is clouded grey, she can see from the inch of curtain that doesn't ever completely block the light from their room. She looks at the clock, _07:30, why didn't my alarm go off?_ She gets up and curses at the temperature of the room without the warmth of the comforter. She throws on a sweatshirt and pulls back the curtain of the bedroom window, "bleh," she says at the mess of the dirty snow in the street, a blanket of fresh white snow covers the sidewalk. She stretches a headband around her head, while walking into their bathroom and throws some cold water on her face to wake her up, as she didn't have the interval between the first alarm and the snooze that normally roused her. Stepping into the hallway, the rolling gets louder,

"no school, no school, no school," Jamie chants as Alex, who's dressed for work, holds both of his hands.

"Alex!," she whines at her as their son comes toward her down the hall, not only in brand new roller skates that were supposed to be wrapped and under their tree in a week, but in the safety gear as well. He clumsily skates down their hall decked out in knee pads, elbow pads and a helmet.

"Somethings can't wait til Christmas," she justifies. Piper let her wife take advantage of her new "live life in the moment, be appreciative for what you have," mentality.

"You still have to go in?," Piper asks her just before Alex saves James from a wipe out. The blonde runs her hand nervously over her face.

"What?," Alex guffaws, "he is literally covered from head to toe in geek gear, please."

"We should've gotten the wrist guards."

"Stop it, good morning," Alex tells her pecking her on her temple, "and yes I have to go in. Think I'm gonna tickle your fancy and wear this around the house while you watch "The View?"

Piper laughs out loud.

"Working for the man," Alex groans out. "One day it'll snow enough that we'll all get to stay home.

"Entrepreneur," Piper coughs out.

"Not fair," Alex gives her a light shove, "don't have too much fun without me, okay?," she says crouching down to meet Jamie at eye level, "and absolutely no snowmen until I get back!" She keeps a hand on him, as he's still unstable, and stands up, moving his hand into Piper's. "I'll call you at lunch," she says like she always does as she gets her coat and hat on and they follow her down the hallway to the elevator and say goodbye.

Piper gets him out of his skate gear and makes him breakfast. After a lazy morning, he approaches her, while she's on the phone with Polly.

"Let me go Pol, I'm being beckoned for a rousing tournament of hide and seek."

Piper and Alex both got a kick out of playing hide and seek with him, for he only understood the concept half of the time. She loved when he partnered up with one of them and then told whoever was "it" where to hide so he could find them. Piper runs and hides between their bedroom wall and Alex's side of the bed. She hears him finish counting, "...8...9...10, ready or not, here I cooooome." She hears him call her as he goes running from room to room, with a little caution in his voice as Alex has purposely scared him from time to time. She hears him close doors as he finishes searching those rooms. Her lower back starts to ache as she remains curled tight in the narrow space. She recalls the time he kept so quiet while he teamed up with her and hid from Alex under one of their side tables that was cornered between their two couches. They had curled up together in the fetal position as Alex swore they left the apartment after not being able to find them for what seemed like forever. Later in that same evening they stood tall and quiet behind the long curtains of their living room window, until Alex called out "coo coo," like a bird and he repeated, "coo coo," from behind the curtain. Piper cracked up and explained to him he couldn't make any noise, shaking her head in wonder when he had just managed to remain quiet for close to ten minutes before. She heard him tip toe into her bedroom and look behind the door, "mommy?," he asked when he still couldn't find her. She could see his toes coming around the side of the bed, "gotcha!," he shouted excitedly as he found her.

"Awwww, okay, time out I have to go to the bathroom," she said coming to her feet and rubbing the small of her back. "Go hide," she said as she closed the bathroom door, "I'll come find you in a minute," he scampered off.

"Jamie?," she called out, after poking her head from room to room and not finding him. "C'mon babe, I can't find you. I give up." He came out from his bedroom, "I was under the bed!," he said proudly.

"Good spot," she says putting her cellphone in the back pocket of the jeans she just threw on, "let's get dressed okay?," she said opening and closing his drawers quickly.

"We're going out to play?," he asked.

"Not right now, maybe later when mama's home. C'mon put your sweatpants on," she said tossing a pair on his bed.

"But no snowman's!," he says remembering. He sits on his bed and has trouble getting his pants on.

"C'mon, stand up," she says pulling his pants off as he was putting them on backwards. She holds the waistband wide and he stands up and balances himself, resting his hands on her shoulders and slips each of his legs into the pants and she pulls them up hurriedly.

She grabs his hat, mittens and scarf from the closet and forcefully shoves them into her bag. She gets dressed while he sits on the floor and tries to put on his boots. She rapidly ties his laces and pulls him out the door.

Around noon, Piper's phone starts vibrating. "Mommy, it keeps moving," Jamie whines as his match game on her phone continues to be interrupted by every incoming text or call.

"Jamie, shhh, please, one more minute," she says with urgency in her voice. She exhales slowly, "Okay, c'mere," she says to him and reaches a hand out to him for her phone.

She texts Alex back, "can you come home early?"

The clang from the metallic tumbler of the first door lock seems more pronounced then ever. Jamie scoots to the edge of the couch before getting down and runs down the hall to the door to meet Alex. Piper pushes her neck back over the arm of the couch so she can see him.

The second lock unbolts, she opens the door cautiously, hearing Jamie on the other side, "mama!," he says, always excited to see her.

"Hey!," she says as he hugs her legs. He looks up still holding on as she rubs his hair back, "mommy has a baby in her belly," he says, his mouth hangs open.

She blinks hard, her eyes dart around as she holds the back of his head and pressed it into her legs. She looks up, piercing her gaze at a very wide eyed Piper.


	26. Chapter 26

26

Alex went to take a step forward, but was halted by the small person who held her legs together. She rubbed her hands down the length of her legs and pulled his arms apart and bent down, "what did you say?," she asked him. She knew she heard him correctly, and Piper's face was all the confirmation she'd needed, but how?

"There's a baby in mommy's tummy," he said nodding out each word.

"And how do you know?," she said pulsing her hand through each of her own words. "I saw it," he said with his fists balled up near his face in excitement.

She grabbed his hands and kissed his fists before standing up and dragged her hand along the wall, securing her balance. The heels of her shoes rapped against the wooden floor as she made her way down the hall. She neglected to shed her shoes in normal ritual as she made her way over to Piper. The blonde sat up straight, her eyebrows raised high but narrowed, she pulled her lips inward, her mouth was a straight line.

Alex stood in front of her, a single eyebrow cocked, she put her hand over the side of her face, blocking her mouth from Jamie, and mouthed, "yes?"

Piper nodded her head rapidly, her expression didn't change.

Alex collapsed onto their coach and unbuttoned her coat, Jamie climbed up onto her lap, "they put jelly and used the thingy and went all over," he told her waving a hand in the air over Pipers abdomen. Alex's hand rested on her fire hot cheek.

"Can we go play in the snow now?," he asked them.

Alex blinked slowly, "not right now," she breathed out and fanned her face, "later."

"But," he raised his arms out to the side, "you said when you came home we could go out." "James, I haven't eaten yet and I need to talk to your mother."

He scrunches up his face ready to fight.

"Later," she says sternly, raising her hand.

He gets down from the couch, the tone is quite familiar, there's no use in arguing with that tone. "Soon?," he asks from across the room.

"Yes soon. After I eat."

She ran a hand up the nape of her neck into her hair, pushing her hair up messily, while he walked off disinterested in anything other than going outside.

"How?," she asked Piper. The blonde looked over her wife's face, unsure what she was thinking. "IUI?"

"And he knows, and you didn't tell me," she processes at a whisper. Her hand shakes slightly as it moves back to her cheek.

"I only told him because I had to take him with me," she swallows, "I had some bleeding today... I've had some bleeding for a few days, but they said I could have some spotting after any procedures," Alex moved her other hand to her other cheek and moved the skin back.

"So I tried to be patient. But this was the 5th day," she grabbed one of Alex's hands tentatively and squeezed it, "I called to see if I should go in or if this was normal, but I couldn't get through so I just took him and went."

Her other hand straightened and came away from her face, "I'm so confused, you had IUI done and then you were spotting for 5 days...they wouldn't be able to tell this early." Her breath caught in her chest, "you did IUI without me."

"Al, please don't be upset, I just wanted to make sure it would work before I got you all excited."

"I'm not upset," then shook her head slightly, surprised at her own truth, "I'm just trying to process."

"Al, everything is good. I'm good, our baby's good."

She fought the burn beneath her eyelids, "you're okay... I didn't even know."

"I know."

She closed her eyes and shook her head, "I thought you didn't want this," she pressed her hand into the couch and moved back.

"I didn't think I did either at first. I was so mad that you didn't tell me about paying the storage fee for the sperm, I still am a little."

Alex's eyes peered into hers, uh, I think we're more than even now.

"But the more I thought about it, I knew I wanted it too. Life just got in the way, I never allowed myself any time to think how it could be, to be a family of four."

Alex tilted her neck back. Piper knelt into the couch cupped the back of her neck and pulled her closer, "and I know how much you wanted this...I wanted this," she placed an open palm on her lower abdomen, "for us too."

"So you've known for months that you wanted another one too?" "Yes."

Alex brought her hands up to her face again before getting off the couch. She removed her coat and walked around to their other side of the coffee table.

"But, I couldn't handle going through the IUI and it not work and have to keep telling you month after month that I can't give you a baby. Those six months with Jamie were so hard."

Alex nods recalling their past before getting back to the moment, "what could I have possibly said to you, if the IUI hadn't worked, that could made you want to do this alone?" She continued her waltz around the table.

"It's not what you could've said," Piper explains to her while folding her knees and drawing them closer to her chest, "I worried if it didn't work after a few months, that I wouldn't be able to handle continuing. It would've been a tease."

Alex's lips parted, she squinted her eyes, ready to tell her that she would've been happy that she'd tried, but she knew she would've been lying to her, that she would've done anything to urge her in continuing if it hadn't worked.

"It worked the first time," the blonde's voice snapped Alex's focus back to her. She saw Piper's blue eyes look up to the heavens, "and then I wanted to tell you, but we were still fighting about that fucking bill," she tensed her hands into open fists. "And then I thought well what if something goes wrong, it's still early and I'm even more high risk for abnormalities."

Alex stretched her arms up and folded them behind her head and walked in the opposite direction around the coffee table before sitting beside Piper. She placed a hand on her bent knee, "you shouldn't have gone through that alone."

Piper leaned her face into her shoulder, "and as devastated as I would've been if something was wrong, I wouldn't even have known where to begin if I had to tell you," she pulls her head back and shakes it, "no, I don't regret it," she tells the both of them.

Alex nodded, she understood completely, holding something out of fear of the unknown. After the guilty hell that Piper had just put her through, she should've been mad, but she wasn't. She crossed her legs,

"so you said it worked the first time... which was?" "October," she said hesitantly.

The brunette pushed her fingertips under her glasses and pressed them harder against the skin of her forehead, trying to calculate, "so you're..."

"Ten weeks."

"Piper," she breathed out. She pressed her open palms along her thighs.

"I know, I'm sorry...," slight guilt in her tone, but then she shook her head again and gently laughed, "but I'm also not."

She watched Alex pull at the fabric against her knee, a nervous habit.

"I'm willing to bear whatever you want to lay on me for this, but it's much easier for me to tell you that it worked, that our baby's healthy, no chromosomal abnormalities, and the bleeding was a normal side effect of the CVS."

"Easier," she could hear Alex's voice shake from the back of her throat. "CVS?,"

"That's the test I did five days ago. It's one of the tests we declined with J because there's a risk of miscarriage, but now I had a 1/100 chance of having a baby with an abnormality. I needed the diagnostic test."

"And they can tell you for sure with that one?," her bottom lip quivered.

"Yeah , and because I was there today they let me know everything was negative."

Alex rubbed that sweat that had accumulated on her hands over Piper's thighs. "You told me just a few weeks ago that you couldn't confidently give me a second baby... but you were already pregnant," her fingertips flared up from Piper's legs.

She grasped Alex's hands, "I didn't know if it was healthy yet Al. There were so many things that could've been wrong. I needed to know first."

She watched the brunette blink, the tears ran down her cheeks. Piper pushed her wife's glasses back onto her head, Alex leaned in an pressed her lips against Piper's, letting them linger.

"What if I had changed my mind," she gently laughed and wiped away her tears, "that was pretty ballsy."

"Yeah right!," Piper exclaimed, "I knew you'd probably be a little upset, but I knew you'd be happy."

"Chutzpah," she says with a smirk.

"I like to think of it as trust, an insurmountable level of trust."

Alex slowly kissed her again, savoring the moment, realizing the trust that she thought was irreparable was the same trust that grounded Piper's decision. She pulls away as they hear Jamie coming.

"Can we please go outside and play?"

Alex contorted her lips, he catches her face, "mom!," he says frustratingly.

"Let me order a pizza and then well go after okay?," she tries to compromise, having totally forgotten about her stomach and now realizes how hungry she is.

"Ugh, its gonna be dark!," he goes on.

"We'll go in the dark then!," she says getting up, "do you want pizza?," she asks him so she knows what kind to order.

"I want to play in the snow," he says looking up at her.

Alex makes a face at him. Piper nudges her with her foot, causing her to turn around "there's gonna be two," she whispers.

She caresses Piper's blonde hair and whispers, "thank you," before walking away to get the menu and fights with Jamie, telling him if she goes outside right now she's going to fall over into the snow and he's going to have drag her back inside. She orders their pizza and comes back with him still arguing. Alex motions her hand for him to get out.

Piper pouts her lip some as he walks out annoyed, "he's not gonna be the baby anymore." "He's always gonna be the first baby."

"No, Finn was my first baby," she says laughing. She sighs, "ugh, everyone's old now. Every time I see that kid he's just...I don't know, he's so mature. Especially if I think of him in relation to Jamie, it's just... weird."

"Can I ask you something?," Alex asks her after a while with a serious tone.

"Mmm."

The doorbell rings, Alex gets up to go answer the intercom and waits by the door.

"Alex you cannot set me up to fear this question and then wait by the door, c'mon."

"I might milk that you did this to me for a few weeks," she turns her back to Piper and opens the front door waiting.

Piper shoves her outside and closes the door behind her.

"More pizza for me, I don't care," she hears Alex say from their hallway.

Piper unlocks it and goes back to the living room. Alex plops back down, and opens the box and inhales the scent. She hands Piper a slice, and Piper notices Alex thinking about her words.

Alex opens her mouth slightly, still feeling a little on edge. "Just say it," Piper demanded.

She focuses her eyes on Piper's. She felt a little uneasy but knew Piper went about this in a way to preserve her feelings.

"When we got back from Jamie's swim lesson, the time we took Nicky," she calculated the time lapse, "you were still really pissed off at me, but you already knew, didn't you?"

Piper nodded her head, "I got my first sonogram that day, I was so excited but I was still so pissed that you wouldn't apologize for hiding everything from me, and then I was frustrated with myself for doing the same thing."

"So your errand, that's the first time you saw the baby."

"Our baby... yes. I thought by then we would've talked everything through and been on better terms."

"And then in the same day, you see me packing up."

Piper stopped chewing for a moment, then continued and swallowed. "My stomach dropped. I was already starting to feel nauseous anyway, but then just when I was ready to really sit down and talk to you, I thought you'd had it and every horrible thought just started tumbling out of control when I saw you packing."

"I'm so sorry," she tried to think of that day from Piper's perspective, "I was so upset, I thought you didn't care that I wanted this and it had been a long time since I felt that way from you."

"I had just come back from talking to Nicky, I almost slipped and told her that it wasn't even about the baby, that we already had one on board, it was just all the dishonesty," she bit into her pizza again, "but she cut me off and I was ready to talk to you, put everything behind us. I was so excited on one hand to know everything on the sonogram appeared normal but then they talked to me about invasive testing because of my age and I was so worried, oh it was such a mess," Piper looked disgruntled, she tossed her crust into the box.

Alex picked up her crust and started nibbling on it when Piper exhaled deeply.

"I feel so relieved now," she said lying back resting her head onto the pillow against the arm of the couch and put her feet in Alex's lap. "I really hated that you hid it from me. I can only imagine what it felt like to have wanted to this for so long and then managed to not express it to anyone." Alex frowned and tossed the tiny piece of crust that was left. "When I longed for Jamie I feel like at some point, every time I saw Polly, it worked it's way into every conversation."

"It was sort of this constant yearn but at times it hit harder than others, the little things that you or Jamie said or did. It sent me over the edge at times." Alex leaned over and separated a slice from the rest of the pie and handed it to Piper. She rubbed the crumbs away on her pants, and rubbed Piper's foot.

"I'm sorry I made you feel like I didn't care. I was really overwhelmed," she bit into her slice, "I literally wasn't expecting you to ever tell me you wanted another one. It took a while for you to finally tell me you were ready for one at all."

Alex's mouth dropped, "because it's a big commitment to make, I knew our lives would change forever, it was fuckin' scary." Piper lifted her eyes, _no shit_.

Alex continued, "but once he was here, well not the second he was here, but once we got back to sleeping the majority of the night, I knew I could do it again."

Piper mimed a tear running down her cheek.

"You know, you tell me that you like when I talk to you like this, but then you mock me, its endearing, really," she moves Piper's foot off her lap, and goes to get up.

Piper puts her foot on her lap, and pushed her back down with the force of her leg, "no, no, I'm kidding. You were saying, life is altered...what's one more? Go on."

"Seriously though, once you have one your life changes, your priorities align differently, you're able to not sweat the little things and see what's really important."

Piper gnaws at her pizza, still listening intently at her wife's, now audible, inner thoughts.

"I just see myself differently now than I did back then and having another one just seemed to naturally be the next piece."

Piper leaned back into the pillow supporting her neck and looked around the living room, Jamie's snack bowl was on the table with one of his books but otherwise it was relatively neat. "You ready for the baby stuff everywhere?"

Alex shuts her eyes and inhales, nodding her head, "and the baby soaps and lotions."

Piper widens her eyes as a huge smile crosses her lips at how Alex just reminisced, muffled laughter escapes, "he still uses the baby lotion."

"Yeah but it just doesn't smell the same, he's so big." She drags her hand through her hair, over her face and lets it rest on her chest, "I just miss him laying here forever, being able to smell him," she inhales deeply, "baby smell."

"Soon enough, you'll get it back," Piper hands her her crust. Alex takes a bite and talks around it, "nothin' like it."

"Uh you realize this one will eventually be bigger too, yes?," she pulls her leg away and sits up straight, leaning into Alex. "I'm not doing this every time they grow up. Oh no, this shop is closed after this."

"It's a garden."

"Shut the fuck up!"

Alex laughs and reaches her hand along the waist of Piper's jeans. "This is it, I promise. I'd like to be alive... to see them grow up."

"64," Piper throws the reminder of how old she'll be when this kid will be legal and ready to leave the nest, "we're already playing with fire."

Alex bites her lip some, "I said I promise." She leans back a moment later, "can't believe I won," her shoulders shake with laughter.

"You're incredible."

"I love you," Alex tells her, "really really love you."

"Mmm, I still wish you would've talked to me about it sooner," she thinks of how having done this two years ago might have helped some of her anxiety throughout the last few weeks, "but now that everything's done- I'm over it."

"I hate when you say that," she says pushing Piper onto her back

. "I know," she shoots her mischievous smirk.

Alex hands her another piece of pizza. Piper raises her eyebrows interested, but then tells herself she shouldn't. Alex splits it in half and gives it to her, Piper takes it.

"I can't eat like this all the time."

"Pizza is really not the worst thing in the world to eat,"

"It's not the best either...calorically."

Alex pinches her ribs, which tickles Piper, she sits up. "We could find out the gender," she chews, "the test they did, it's a chromosome analysis, so they know."

"You'd want to know this time?"

"We could find out if you want to."

Alex lips pull to the side and she shakes her head, "I don't want to know."

"Really? I kind of want to this time!"

Alex raises a finger, "eh!,"

"We won't, we won't, I know...payback."

"I liked finding out the day of. It's hard to wait but it was a nice surprise."

Piper relents, "okay," her eyes go wide covering her mouth, "I have a picture... from today," she says getting up.

Alex's mouth is full, she shakes the backs of her hands towards Piper, _go, GO!_

She comes running back over with her purse, Alex stands up, rubbing the back of her hand over her mouth incase there was any sauce. The blonde rummages through and fishes out her wallet, she hands her purse to Alex who throws it on the couch. She pulls the sonogram photo out of her wallet, and hands it to Alex.

She brushes her hand over the picture and pushes Piper down to the couch, "fuck," she starts to cry again, "it's little nose," she says and holds the photo for a while before kissing it and places it next to a picture of the three of them on the end table.

"James," she calls out, jumping up and down and fans her eyes, "ready?"


	27. Chapter 27

27

The deeper they got into spring, the last of the snow had absorbed, and the grass grew taller. The refrigerator was now adorned with artwork depicting their family; every picture had Jamie's brother or sister smack in the middle of Piper's triangle dress. It had been amusing telling their friends and family via Jamie's enthusiastic expressions that they were contributing to the population overload, everyone had been as shocked as Alex. He enjoyed accompanying them to prenatal visits now; during the first visit they went to as a family, he cried as Piper laid down, hearing the static from the Doppler trying to find "his baby." It took some explaining, but he now looked forward to going to visits. He sat on the exam table with her and helped squeeze the gel onto the spot where he was told they were going to listen; he'd be handed the Doppler and looked very proud each time he located the thumping heartbeat. He was very excited to see "his baby" again for their "half-way point" sonogram, where they were told the baby was about the size of a banana. It had been the ongoing nickname until Alex had mentioned a couple months later that the baby was now the size of an eggplant; this news was met with Jamie's silent tears.

"What's wrong?," Piper asked him.

"I don't want it to be eggplant now."

"It's just the size of an eggplant, Banana's still growing."

"But I don't want to call my Banana, 'Eggplant'," he pouted.

"We can still call Banana, 'Banana,'...your Banana," she reassured him, pulling him into a hug while she looked at Alex, her eyes filled with curiosity at the attachment of their son to this baby.

To say it had been an emotional process for everyone would have been the understatement of the year. As time crept on, the reality of modifying their lives again to accommodate a new baby had started to settle in. Conversations involving moving to a bigger space surfaced, but they justified that they had the time to decide if that was necessary, or if they could simply adapt their current space. There had already been moments of jealousy when either of his moms would bring home items from the store, all of which were for Banana, but they tried to spend more time with him to make up for all the baby excitement.

Alex was a blur as she finished up sticking the last clean dish into the dish rack before darting around the living room, straightening up the space that no matter what she did, just never seemed to remain neat for more than twenty minutes. As she returns scattered objects to their rightful spaces in other rooms, she calls out to Jamie every ten minutes, interrupting the game he's playing with Piper, when she finds something of his that he neglected to put away on his own. They hear the water running, the hard plastic from the hand scrubber hits the porcelain of the tub, the sound bouncing off of the tiles from the bathroom, makes the sound even louder than it is. Piper chuckles to herself, Alex was on auto-pilot, with her bursts of energy determined to get all of the chores done so Piper could rest. She's intrigued by how unwavering the mind is, how a certain mindset could conjure all this nervous energy and put it to productive use- resulting in a spotless home. She'd offer to help but,

1) there was no rush, the brunette was cleaning for the sake of mess and mess alone and

2) she'd give Piper a stern look that screamed you keep doing what you're doing, this is what I need to do. It's just understood that this is Alex's way of expressing her love, her dedication, her need to nurture...especially now.

Piper tilts down toward the floor from the couch when it's her turn to press the plastic bubble that scrambles the die and laughs when Jamie releases a frustrated sigh when Alex calls him again.

She feels sorry for him momentarily, and caresses his head as he gets up to find out what Alex has found now; she admires the patience it requires for her wife to continue calling him to take care of his own mess and belongings instead of just taking the five seconds it would've to put something of his away on her own. They spoke often of the delicate balance between keeping him small and teaching him responsibility. She's heard Alex quietly talk to him, mostly before bed, about what it meant to be a big brother, about how he could help take care of Banana, about protection and passing down all the cool stuff he knows. It's just the tip of the iceberg but she sees her subtle gestures aid in his maturation process.

He returns a moment later, resuming his position on the floor. He looks up when it's her turn. She presses the plastic bubble, "what'd you leave in the bathroom?"

"My underwear," he laughs and reaches into his pocket.

Piper eyes his pocket, half-expecting him to pull out said underwear, "here" he says and pulls a tissue from his pocket.

She reads Alex's message scribbled in black eyeliner, "I love you . . . I don't know how or when or where.

I simply love you, no problem, no pride.

I love you thus because I love no other way."

 _What are you doing to me Alex?_ , she asks herself with a smirk. Jamie has to prompt her to take her turn again.

Alex walks in and takes long strides toward the game board, glares at Piper who's still leaning halfway off the couch, and lifts the game off the floor. She places it on the table and pushes the coffee table toward the small couch, entrapping Piper on what has now just morphed from Couch Island to Couch Peninsula. She sets Jamie's time out chair next to the table so he can sit.

"Better?," the brunette asks.

"It was fine before," Piper looks at her amused at her obsessive compulsive wife.

"Yeah until you fall off the couch and make scrambled eggs out of our baby. Are you guys almost done?"

"We just started a new game," Piper tells her. Jamie looks at her with an in-your-face look, as he's managed to postpone his bedtime for the third time this week.

"After this kiddo, gotta get ready for bed." He nods exaggeratedly in response.

Alex slumps onto the bigger couch and stretches her arms over her head. She slowly turns over and reaches her arm across the table and holds it out , wiggling her fingers longing for Piper's grasp. Her cheek presses against the leather, "I love the smell of this couch," she says exhausted.

Piper tilts her head back slightly. Alex's eyes are closed, "do you wanna play?"

Dark hair lifts off the leather slightly and shakes from side to side, no, "had enough _trouble_ today." She brushes her hand under the table looking for her book, but just feels the rug, "bah, my book is in the room." Her arm hangs off the side of the long couch, her energy spent.

Piper looks at James with pleading eyes, "oh I'll get it," he says with small defeat at his mother's glance. He returns momentarily with a book, "this one?" He holds it in front of Alex.

Alex pulls him on her couch in thanks, hooking her arm around his waist and buries her face into his hip. "You're such a good boy," she says and tickles his side causing him to squirm with giggles.

Half an hour later, Alex steps into his bedroom and peers at his empty bed. She sees him sitting under his book nook, "what're you doing? Bed, let's go."

He looks at the book that lies loosely in his arms and clutches it to his chest, "I think I can do it." She steps in closer...

A few months before when Piper was able to feel Banana before anyone else, Alex shared her memory with Jamie, of how exciting it was to finally feel him move. She told him of how she waited, with her hand pressed to Piper's skin for an hour sometimes, hoping to feel him give her the tiniest sign that he could hear her but that he wasn't ready. She told him how once he was, she started reading to him at night regularly, like they did now and he would dance like crazy, sometimes so much that Piper had to tell her to stop reading so he could fall asleep. He asked to hear that story many times, and wanted to start reading to Banana.

Alex lay in bed with him that night as he tried to show her he could read, but after noticing he was reciting text that was nowhere to be found on the page she stopped him. She got a simpler book, "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?"

"What letter is this?," she pointed to the 'b'.

"B, like ball or boat."

She wrinkled her nose and smiled, "yes! So what sound does that make?"

"Buh."

They went on like this night after night, the same book, word by word, together. Piper rested in the evenings, her body often revolting with irregular contractions. Alex made it a point to leave her alone in a quiet room, her feet propped up, with two tall glasses of water within her arms reach, while she took Jamie to read in his room.

"C'mon," she beckons with her hand. He stands up, she squeezes his shoulder and follows behind him and stops in the doorway of their living room, while he walks over to Piper and asks if he can try to read Banana a story.

She looks at him, awed by his beautiful little heart and smothers him with kisses, "of course!," she says not realizing that he's actually been practicing.

He looks over his shoulder toward Alex and motions for her to sit next to him. He kneels down on the floor near the couch and leans the book against the leather with Alex by his side. Piper furrows her eyes as she watches him slowly go word by word, sometimes having to go back and correct himself, "keep going," she whispers encouragingly; her baby was reading. She makes eye contact with Alex, and points to her belly, pulling her shirt snugly against the spots that stick out more than others, so her wife could see Banana move.

Alex holds the book for Jamie and moves one of his hands over the spot where she could see Banana poking out. He bends his fingertips against Piper's shirt a few times and giggles, "hey Banana, I still have a lot left."

When he's done Alex squeezes him so hard and knocks him to the ground, they start wrestling on the rug. Piper doesn't know who she should scold, Alex for outsizing him, or her son for fear he's gonna hurt Alex. Alex finally calls "mercy," the strap of her black tank top hangs off her shoulder, her cheeks are flushed, her bun is messier than it was earlier, and her glasses are falling off of her face. She lies on her back with her arms outstretched.

"Okay, bed, for real, now," and laughs smacking him on the butt as he scampers away.

"Was your body not exhausted enough?," Piper asks her, shaking her head.

She laughs out, "twenty seconds away from ordering myself a 'life-alert'," she replies from the floor. She hooks her toes underneath the couch and rolls up slowly in an exaggerated crunch.

"Bed?"

Piper looks at the time, its 8:30 and she starts to laugh, "we are wiiiiiild," she says nodding and pushes herself with her arm into an upright position before slowly standing up. She scrunches up her face with the tightened cramp around their baby, "and Banana is..."

"bananas?," Alex completes with a chuckle. She reads Piper's face, "still having them?," she says with a bite of her lip.

The blonde's hands squeeze slightly at her own hips and nods, "they're just random, but some still hurt like a bitch," she says in reference to her irregular contractions.

Alex pulls at the loose thread on her shorts, nervously. Piper grasps her hand and lowers it, "I'm fine," she says looking into her concerned eyes, "really."

Alex slips an arm around her back and rests her hand on her hip as she walks Piper down to their room.

"I'm not going to break," she says sitting on the edge of their bed as Alex bends down to pull her socks off.

"I know," she nods gently, "you're stronger than me," she shakes her head at the truth, as much as she doesn't want to admit it, "just want to help."

Piper rubs her toes along the brunette's torso down to her hip. "What's up?"

Alex raises her eyebrows, slightly annoyed that Piper generally seems to know when there's something she wants to say but wrestles with refrain.

"They want me to present in Philly in a couple of months," she says, her tone raises with the last word as if she's asking a question.

"Alright? That's great isn't it?," Piper questions.

"Not great, it's in mid-June."

Piper purses her lips and turns her palms upright.

"I should be here, not there," she says getting up. She hooks her fingers behind her head and walks two steps in one direction, before she pivots and goes right back to the same spot.

Piper does the math, "well how long do you need to go for?"

"Just overnight. You guys can come though," she seems more relaxed at the realization and drops her arms to her sides.

"I won't be able to sit in the car for over two hours. It should be fine, I'll still have a few weeks."

Alex shakes her head before she drags her feet toward their door at Jamie's call. She returns with him shortly, her biceps flex as she tilts him down to kiss Piper goodnight and then Banana. She brings him back to his room, the only light on when she comes back to their room is her side light. Piper lays on her side, she flips casually through a magazine as Alex settles in beside her.

"I really should shower," the brunette says as Piper rests her cheek on her outer arm.

The blonde puts a firm arm across Alex's legs so as to trap her, not letting her go anywhere. "You're fine. You still smell like you," she says breathing in the comforting smell of Alex, "well a dirtier you."

Alex groans at her words. Just the single word, makes her heart beat just a tiny bit faster, but she knows tonight is not a good night. She rests her lips atop Piper's hair, her lips linger with a long kiss.


	28. Chapter 28

28

The end of Jamie's school year was completed with a praise filled meeting with his pre-school teacher and an introductory meeting with his new kindergarten teacher. His moms seemed pleased with his new teacher's enthusiasm for reading and seemed like she would be encouraging of each child on their individual skill level. She handed them a summer reading list of books that would foster his abilities for the upcoming year. They embraced the summer and grew less concerned over the irregular contractions that accommodated this whole pregnancy as Piper hit her 37 week mark. They were reassured that the baby was fully mature and that those irregular contractions were insignificant even more so now than they were before. Piper felt like a veteran, she recalled how she stalked her due date, the first time around, how disheartened she felt as she watched the date come and go. This time she just regarded the date as any other date and welcomed the phenomenon, not necessarily without the occasional grumble regarding her common discomforts, and had faith that Banana would come in his or her own time.

They return to their apartment, Alex packs an overnight bag for Philly after Piper confirms for the zillionth time that she doesn't want to go. Finn didn't start camp for a week and she and Pete agreed to swap babysitting duty for the week, while Polly started training a temp to fill in for Piper. She remembered Piper's difficulty leaving Jamie when she needed to return to work; she knew it would be even worse if her friend knew she could stay home at with him and Banana for the summer, but was required to be at work, so they collectively decided to start interviewing candidates to work for the duration of the summer with the potential to stay on per diem once Piper returned.

"Wanna go for a walk?," Alex asks standing by the open window in their apartment, 'its a gorgeous day."

"Or boiling day, I think the thermostat just surrendered," Piper says from behind her before shutting the window and turning on the A.C. She melts into the couch.

"Ooook nevermind."

"Sorry I'm just really hot, I'm always hot," she says frustrated. "It's fine, we can just stay in."

"Can we just wait til the sun starts going down?," she asks, "I wouldn't mind the walk, I just cant take the heat."

"Sure," the brunette confirms, "I can wait for the sake of preserving my skin and preventing you from over cooking Banana into a maduro," she says with a Spanish accent.

Pipers eyes widen, "maduros! Oh my God! Yes! We can go to the empanada place," she said excitedly referring to one of their favorite spots where she first took Alex on a date years ago.

"Pipes that place doesn't have A.C.," she reminds her and watches her sparkly blue eyes sadden.

"But... but we can take it go!," she says trying to redeem her words that disappointed her often now volatile wife.

"And we can take it to the park!," the blonde says. It was the little things right now that made the day more bearable for the blonde.

They took a long walk through Strawberry Fields and along the lake, finally settling down on a patch of grass near the Shakespeare Garden. It wasn't long before Jamie was begging to run up the stairs to the Belvedere Caste. He darted up quickly, while Piper and Alex slowly followed behind him. Piper pulled Alex back by her hand, causing the brunette to spin and look down at her wife a step below her, "d'you remember?"

Alex looked over her shoulder to see if he was paying attention before she raised her crossed wrists over her head, "hello?," she cackled, "still one of the best weekends ever," she looks at Piper lovingly. "You were such a prude," she chortles.

Piper's mouth drops at her wife's distorted memory, "I was not!," she contends, trying to earn herself credit for how unnaturally adventurous she was sexually with the brunette while they dated. "You were just overly kinky!"

"Was?," she raised her brow as she squeezes the bottom of Piper's butt.

Piper turns her back away from Alex, leaning slightly against the stones, "are," she corrects herself.

"Damn straight. You've hung in there pretty solidly."

"Little ears," she said nudging her chin forward to their small child galloping down the stairs, "precious, innocent, little ears."

"Myyy precioussss," Alex hisses wickedly imitating Gollum as she crawls her hands toward him.

"Noooo don't," he stops and leans back, "I don't like that voice."

"So mean!," Piper scolds her knowing how much he hates when she teases him with that voice.

Her face immediately goes soft and offers to let him sit up on her shoulders as they slowly walk up the rest of the staircase. He looks out toward the Delacourte, while she and Piper reminisce with pride at how far they've come.

Pete drops Finn off early in the morning, and catches up with Piper for a few moments before heading out to work for the day. Throughout the morning Piper hangs out with Finn, and let him fill her in on his excitement about going to Australia for a week to visit with Pete's family. She offers him every possible snack they have in the house, while throwing in how nauseous he makes her as he is just an inch short of hitting her arm when she extends it out. She mentions it again when she no longer has to bend down to engulf him in his twelfth hug.

He loves their apartment he confesses to her, "I was always able to do whatever I wanted here."

She takes a sip of her tea and chuckles, "how far back can you remember?"

"Pretty far, mostly little things, dressing up with towel capes and jumping off the table, dyeing the floor blue making play-doh."

"Do you remember drawing on me?"

"Yes," he looks embarassed, "sorry about that."

She laughs and squeezes him, "I'm not! It was sweet. I love that picture. Al," she shouts with urgency.

Alex comes quickly, "what? What's up?," her eyes dart wildly looking for the reason behind the urgency.

"Can you grab that album?," she asks squinting slightly and points to the bottom shelf of their bookcase, "the grey one."

They brunette's eye bore into those of the idle blonde at their table, who's sitting a few mere feet from the object she desires. She then looks at Finn,

"I didn't know what she wanted!," his voice raises slightly, timidly, in defense of himself. Jamie comes stomping toward the table. "Finny!," he says excitedly and stands next to Finn's chair.

Alex rolls her eyes while she crouches down and pulls the album Piper wants from their shelf. She sets it on the table and slides it across to the blonde who starts quickly flipping through the pages before she locates the photo of Finn's artwork, "here it is," she says with her index finger pressed to the plastic, "you were so little!"

"I wanna see!," Jamie says raising up onto his toes. Finn pulls him up onto his lap and Piper angles the book so he can see.

He looks confused as he looks at a younger version of Finn with his mom, who looks about the same as she does now minus the Crayola tribute.

"That's Banana?," he asks Piper. "No that's you."

"That's not me, that's Finn."

"Not the boy, you were here," she points to the photographic evidence of herself around 36 weeks pregnant with Jamie. "Finn drew a picture of you, that's how you were laying that day, all curled up."

"I was that big?," he asks with wonder.

"No you were small. I was that big," she says while stroking herself now suddenly feeling like her own planet. "That's where you grew, just like Banana." He nods slowly in understanding, "As you grew, I grew. As Banana grows, I grow," she says with her hand still pressed along the left side of her abdomen.

He narrows his eyebrows, "so why is your butt big?"

"Jamie!," Alex gasps as she hears Piper let out a self-conscious whimper, and watches the blonde slump against her arm on the table.

Finn face-palms and shakes his head.

"Babe your butt is not big, its adorable," Alex comforts her.

"Guys...," Finn whines and makes a disgusted face at his aunt's admiration of his other aunt's bottom.

Alex chuckles, "sorry kid. Really babe," she drops her tone slighty,"you have a great booty."

"La, la, la, la...," Finn scoots Jamie off his lap, while covering his ears and walks away, Jamie runs after him.

"What're you gonna have for lunch?," she asks the blonde who's face is still smushed against her forearm.

"A salad," she grunts, "with diet air."

"Babe stop. I'm getting sandwiches, what kind do you want?"

"The carbless kind."

"Piper Chapman!," she scolds, "you're almost done," she says trying to keep the blonde focused that the end is within reach. "She just measured you a few days ago and you were 37, exactly where you should be," she says and places a hand on Banana. Piper nods in agreement, almost done.

Alex gathers the boys to go downstairs while Piper checks in with Polly who tells her that the store is busy but reassures her that the temp was picking up quickly. Along the sidewalk Alex and Finn walk quickly towards the corner deli.

"Jamie you don't tell anyone that their butt is big, especially not a lady," she tells him. "Yeah little dude, not good," Finn adds as Jamie jogs to keep up with the two of them. Alex halts at the flower stand before the deli, "pick some out," she tells Jamie.

"Why?"

"Because you hurt mommy's feelings!"

"I hurt her feelings?," he looks at her concerned.

"Yeah, Banana makes her body change. She doesn't like that her butt is bigger, you're not supposed to tell her," she says with obviousness in her tone.

"Oh, I made a mistake," he says guiltily as the side of his mouth dips down. He walks up and down the length of the flower stand eyeing his options diligently and picks out a bouquet of large pink peonies; he clutches them to his chest as they walk a little further down the street to the deli. When they get upstairs he goes right up to Piper and hands her the flowers. She takes them with a small smile,

"thank you."

He hugs her around her thighs and presses his chin against her lower belly, looking up at her, "sorry Banana made your butt big."

"Thanks," she laughs with sarcasm, "its enough already right?"

He presses his mouth into her shirt and deepens his voice, "yeah Banana, its enough."

"Thanks for the flowers," she tells Alex as the brunette sets the bag of sandwiches on their table.

"Are you alright?," Alex asks her, pulling the sandwiches out of the bag.

"Yeah."

Finn unwraps all their sandwiches, and then re-wraps Alex's when she says "alright lemme get going." He brushes his hands together, to get rid of the crumbs.

"Finn," Piper gestures her hands down to the table. He looks at Alex, is she serious?

Alex widens her eyes and makes a sweeping motion with her hand telling him to clean it up before Piper goes off.

Alex slings the duffel over her head by the table, kisses Jamie goodbye and gives Finn a strong squeeze on his shoulder. He slaps her five before she turns to leave, Piper walks her out to lock up.

"Please finish your sandwich," she tells her concernedly while she pulls open their door.

"Mmmm."

"I'm serious," she says and pecks her gently on the mouth.

"Just do your thing you so you can get back to us, and be careful when you're driving. Let me know when you get there."

"I will, I will. Call me with anything," she tells her sternly.

Piper presses her foot on Alex's knee and slowly extends her leg, literally kicking her out the door. "We'll be fine, go."

A little over three hours later Alex calls to let her know she arrived. She texts Finn a moment later confirming that Piper actually ate her whole lunch, knows the blonde's mind could be focused so easily on something so insignificant.

"Shit," Piper mutters roughly an hour later.

"What's the matter?," he asks slightly surprised as he's hardly heard her use the word in front of him.

"Nothing I just have some pain over here," she says moving her hand over her low back toward the front of her body, "it happens sometimes."

Finn's eyes widen, "what kind of pain? No..,. wait, I don't wanna know."

Piper breathes hard and winces for a moment until it resolves, "it's gone it's nothing."

"Was that like a baby pain?," he asks standing up.

"Yeah but it's gone. Why are you looking at me like that?"

He draws his lips in for a moment thinking if he should say anything before he speaks, "aunt Alex said that I should call her if you had any baby related stuff happen."

"Oh my God, did she like breathe her fear into you before she left?" He doesn't answer, he just stares at her.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes Finn," her voice deepens, "do not call her."

He eyeballs his phone that's on the counter beside her.

"Finn!," she says genuinely surprised at his thought of defiance.

"But she said to!"

"Well I'm saying not to! I don't want her to freak out over nothing, this happens all the time." He looks conflicted.

"What?," she asks him.

"She's going to be really mad."

She tilts her head slightly to the side, "are you afraid of her?"

"With this?," he raises both his hands in her direction, "uh, yes."

"You should be afraid of me, I'll kill you."

He laughs, "I'm pretty sure I can out run you right now."

"I wouldn't test it."

He grabs her a bottle of water from the refrigerator, opens it and give it to her. She takes a sip of water and laughs, almost spitting it out.

"What are you contemplating different ways to kill me?"

"Nice word," she acknowledges his growing vocabulary, "no, just Alex and her ability to scare the crap out of everyone."

He relaxes some as she seems very calm now and asks her, "why don't you guys ever find out the gender?"

She gulps and swallows another sip of water, "so much of this is guided for Alex and I, planning and calculations, and...," she stops talking, not wanting to get into a conversation with him about the birds and the bees.

"I know how it works," he says sensing her awkward position change.

Piper wrinkles her eyebrows, "mom explained it to me, well how it's different for you guys."

She smirks slightly and is grateful for Polly's openness, "well in any case, when so much of it is medicalized, it's nice for us to keep a piece of it mysterious, kind of like a surprise."

He nods his head.

"Is that a good enough answer? Did that make sense?"

"Yeah, definitely."

Throughout the hour, he noticed her looking uncomfortable again and asked her again if she was okay. She told him again she was fine and asked him to keep an eye on Jamie while she took a shower. She hung onto the wall as she made her way back to the boys,

"Finn," her voice trembled. She motioned her hand for him to come closer out of Jamie's earshot, "can you just call Alex and ask her fast she could get here if I needed her later?"

"She's already on her way back."

"You called her?," she asked slightly irritated, but if she was going to be honest, she was thankful for his disobedience.

"Yeah before," he looked at her, "she said she's in traffic but near Newark airport?"

"Okay great," she said breathing hard, "can you call your mom?"

"I tried, she didn't answer. I left her a message."

"Shit," she said again in front of him, causing him tuck his lips under again, "okay, what about your dad?"

"You want my dad?," he asked surprised.

"I need someone to watch you guys, I need to go," she said holding back tears.

Jamie came over to them, "why are you crying?,"

"C'mon Jamie, let's go over here," he tries to pull him back to the couch while he calls his father.

"Mommy's hurting?," he asks Finn but looks at Piper. "Mommy?"

"Just a second baby," she says hanging on to the back of the chair and rocks into it.

"He's not answering either," he says hesitantly, moving his phone in his hand nervously.

The distress on her face makes him so uneasy, he gives her the bottle of water not knowing what else to do. "Should I call aunt Alex again?"

She nods quickly, and he hands her the phone once Alex answers. She listens to Alex speak, "no, it's really bad, really really bad."

Jamie tucks up against Finn, "you might get your brother or sister today James," he tells him knowing already this is happening today.

Piper swears through her teeth with Alex still on the line. She reassures her she'll be there, not knowing if she'll actually make it. She tells her she'll call Nicky and call her right back.

"You need medicine mommy?," Jamie asked her with worried eyes.

She grits her teeth and shakes her head, trying to keep her breathing in a rhythm, this cannot be happening.

Finn's phone rings again and Alex tells her Nicky is on her way, she should be there in twenty minutes. Piper hangs up the phone and calls a cab, there's no way she can wait twenty minutes for Nicky to get here to watch the kids. She throws random things around her room in a bag to bring to the hospital, while Alex hits her steering wheel repeatedly from the other side of the bridge. The boys get on their shoes, Finn puts on his backpack and takes Piper's bag and locks her door, he tells Jamie, who's also scared to stay next to him.

The cab is waiting for them in front of the apartment when the fluff of crazy hair catches her eye. She throws her arm around Nicky's shoulder, and tells her she doesn't want to go alone to the hospital. They all get in the cab and take the shortest ride a few blocks away. The cab driver tells her, "good luck, no charge."

They get up to the labor and delivery floor, it feels like yesterday that she was here with Jamie. She's admitted at 7 centimeters and brought down to a room. Nicky tells her she'll be right back and makes sure the boys have a seat by the water cooler. She calls Alex and curses her out for leaving this late in Piper's pregnancy, more out of fear that she doesn't know what the hell she's doing.

"She's on the GWB Pipes, she'll get here," Nicky says dipping her head next to Piper who's on her hands and knees rocking on the bed. Nicky's hands move rapidly while she talks to Piper reassuring her that she's doing awesome and that she's going to kick Alex's ass so hard for the both of them. Piper presses back and keeps her body still, as a contraction takes over her body.

"Shit, sorry," Nicky stops talking and moving. Piper grabs her wrist and passively moves her hand back for forth, her eyes focus on the motion.

"Really?," Nicky asks her as she moves her own hand for Piper to concentrate on. Piper nods and breathes moving her head in rhythm with Nicky's hand.

"Thanks," Piper pants as her body relaxes some. Her arms drape over the back of the bed, her cheek presses into the sheet.

"Whatever works. Want some ice?"

"No, don't leave."

"Not goin anywhere. Are you supposed to be in this horse position?," she asks waving her hand over Piper.

She doesn't answer her, "the boys are okay?"

"They're fine," she says as Piper's body stills again, until she grunts down and starts pushing. The grunts are relayed from the nurse to her midwife, who asks her not to push down until she checks her to make sure her cervix is gone, but she cant help it. "Ah c'mon Chapman, keep it in a little longer," she pleads with her knowing Piper wants Alex there more than she does, but she's desperate.

Piper shoots her a glare and hisses as the midwife checks her and says she's fully dilated and she's free to push when she needs to. Nicky remembers Alex talking about the panic that coursed through her body when they set up the table for delivery. She felt her own heart pound as the sterile instruments were dropped onto the table.

"You're good in this position?," the midwife asked Piper. Nicky saw her neck go up and down.

"Fuck," she swore under her breath, as Piper pushed down hard, yelping in between. Nicky rubbed her neck and her shoulders.

"Can you see the head?," she asked Nicky after 3 more sets of pushes.

"Ehh..,you want me to look?," she asked already knowing full well that she did.

Nicky leans back as she pushes down again and see's something white bulging at Piper's opening. She looks at the midwife who's coaching Piper, not knowing what she's looking at and doesn't want to stare.

"Water bag," the midwife whispers.

She never answers Piper, and Piper doesn't ask again. She waves her hand in front of the blonde's eyes as that's the only thing Piper says is helping. Nicky thinks of all the methods of cruel and unusual punishment that she's going to inflict on Alex, when her ears perk up at the sound of Alex's voice who's arguing with someone, probably a security guard who keeps calling her ma'am.

"Chapman," she hears the brunette say frantically from the hallway, asking the nurses what room her wife is in.

"Vause," she says abandoning Piper's side and sticks her head out of room #4. "Hurry up!," she hisses. The nurses at the station wave her on.

"Pipes, I'm here, I'm here," she says throwing her stuff on the floor and leans in next to her, "I'm so sorry, fucking Jersey traffic!"

Piper leans into her and kisses her, "I hate you."

Alex pumps some rubbing alcohol from the wall into her hand and rubs them back and forth.

Alex pulls Nicky in close and kisses her on the cheek, "thank you so so much."

"Watch," the midwife nudges Alex over slightly, and grabs an amni-hook and breaks Piper's water in between contractions.

"Oh you waited for me to get here again?," Alex says sarcastically. "Babe, are you okay like this?," she asks as her wife doesn't look very comfortable.

"It freaking hurts Alex," she says annoyed as if changing into an alternate position would matter right now. Alex keeps her hand on the small of her back and rubs.

She pushes down again and is met with the burn all too familiar from the last time she did this and backs off slightly. She shakes her head back and forth not wanting to feel the burn increase. She looks under her arm at Alex, who's pulled her hair up and off her face that's almost as sweaty as Piper's from the stress and heat. The brunette bends down some and tries to make eye contact with Piper.

"I'm not doing this again," she shakes her head, "no I'm not, never, ever, again."

Alex can't help but laugh a little, she hates to hear Piper pained but the timing is just on point." "We're done," she reassures her, "never again."

She grasps Alex's hand and squeezes it as she pushes again, as the midwife tells her, "slow, slow, slow, small push and pant." Alex watches her busily move her hand around Piper and tells her, "okay, one more good one, go, a little more, a little moreeeee." Alex leans back and sees more and more of this blonde peach fuzz take over the midwifes hands and the rest of the little pink body tumble out after. Alex hears Piper release her breath in relief, her back slumps lower after being curved upward while she pushed, the midwife holds the baby snug against her body and uses the suction bulb to clear it's airway. The sound of newborn cries fill the room, the midwife beckons Alex behind Piper who's still on her knees and places a wet baby into her shaking her hands.

"Oh my God, she's so warm," she says with shaking hands.

"She?," Piper asks looking under her arm In every which way to see her baby while the midwife helps Alex pass their baby girl through Piper's legs. The blonde gasps as she looks down toward the bed and faces her new baby. She leans down and gently lifts her, and nestles her in the crook of her arm before leaning back onto her feet. She turns over onto her back, and let's her body go slack into the bed as she starts admiring their newest addition as Alex is handed a blanket to help dry her off. Nicky is slumped in the rocker, emotionally exhausted and bawls.

Piper's silent tears roll down her cheeks as she strokes the tiny limbs of her baby girl, "you came so fast," she tells her, as she rocks her gently. She's wide eyed and quiet, she blinks very slowly.

"Yeah, second babies don't mess around, the path has been plowed before," the midwife says cleverly.

Alex leans into Piper, "she's so pretty," she says touching the tiny lips making them open, "and tiny, like Jamie," she gasped, "where's Jamie?," she shot a look of concern.

"He's out with Finn near the waiting area," Nicky speaks up.

"Can I get him?," Alex asks whoever is willing to answer her first.

"Just let me get her cleaned up."

Nicky takes a few pictures for them before Alex steps out to look for the boys. She find's them squashed into one chair, Finn is holding a tablet, while Jamie, who's legs are stretched out straight, too short to bend, is swiping his finger across the screen.

She bends down slowly, "wanna meet your baby?," she asks quietly so as not to startle him. His face is expressionless but he nods quickly, and gets off the chair.

"Mama..." he says softly after all of the drama at home and on the way here, he hugs her legs. She lifts him up, he was abnormally quiet.

"C'mon Finn!," she says to him.

"It's okay, I'll stay here."

She crouches down some and rubs Finn's head, "she's all covered Finn, don't worry."

"I'm good, thanks," he says and keeps his eyes on his tablet.

"Alright, I'll be back for you." She wants to tell him to stay right there but it seems ridiculous to give him instructions of any kind at this point.

She walks off with Jamie on her hip, almost at a skip, and passes the nurses station, and knocks lightly on Piper's door.

"We have a visitor...," she says walking in. He sees Piper in the bed, "you're not hurting?"

"Not anymore," she says smiling widely, "come!," she pats the bed next to her.

"Baby's here," he realizes seeing the baby against Piper's chest as Alex sets him down on his knees onto the bed. He crawls over a little and takes a closer peek, "this is Harper," she looks over at Nicky, "Harper Nicole, your sister."


	29. Chapter 29

There's not really a great way to answer questions on my other fics so hopefully people are reading here- I'll also post The Lost Chapters, but I haven't written anything since then. I could play around w some suggestions, but I have no intent of writing anything new.

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29

He looks at his sleeping sister in his arms, "she's little," he determines.

The corner of Piper's mouth curls upward, she chuckles with amusement at his observation and the commentary of how small people seem to think her babies are, if only they knew how small they didn't feel on the way out.

Alex cups her hand and cradles her daughter's head in her palm, "she's very little. We have to be careful with her okay?" she tells Jamie, though his arms are so stiff he doesn't need the prompt. She dips her arms down and takes her from him, catching her breath as her arms are filled with the warm weight of her daughter for the first time. She eyeballs the bed behind her briefly for leftover aftermath before sitting back to admire the newest blonde to take over her heart.

"Pipes," her head leans up before her eyes break gaze with Harper's face, "our daughter..." she can't finish the sentiment. She tries to fight her smile for a minute but can't. Nicky's finger hits her camera button repeatedly while Alex admires her little girl's features and Jamie's eyes switch between his mother, who has turned to mush, and the person who is literally doing nothing but being.

Nicky leans in slightly to get pictures that are closer up, "I would've literally broken your neck if you didn't make it," she says as she pulls Harper's hat back slightly and takes another picture.

"Pipes her hair is blonde," Alex says stating something that has already been established. She's still digesting that their daughter's coloring is very similar to Piper's. "And this is before the bath; I remember how much lighter his hair got once we washed it," she says lightly tugging a piece of Jamie's hair.

Piper nods exhaustedly, and looks at Alex with her Bambi eyes and a slight pout.

Alex wrinkles her nose, "what is it, babe?"

"You almost missed her being born."

Alex's eyes harden, she knows and she wouldn't have been able to forgive herself if she hadn't made it, regardless if it had been her fault or not, there was no sign of any impending labor.

"I know there was no way to know," she says staring at her knees, not necessarily to Alex but as something that she needed to get off of her chest, "it happened so fast... like the complete opposite of Jamie."

He lifts his head from staring at Harper when he hears his name, "I wasn't fast?"

Alex and Piper both laugh out loud, "no! You took your time," Piper tells him, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry," she says resting a hand on Piper's knee and rubs it up her thigh, "I could tell Finn was really nervous, so I got back in the car right away," she recalls leaving Philadelphia as fast as possible. "Shi... zzles, I have to call my boss so they can send someone else."

Alex looks back down as Harper squirms; she traces an index finger around her sleeping face, and peppers her with feather light kisses. Nicky continues with her creative methods of how she'd have mutilated and then killed Alex had she missed the birth of her daughter but then reassures her she would have then revived her with her CPR skills. A nurse comes in to ask if they own a black sedan, when Alex mutters "shit," under her breath, "I left it in ER zone." She turns to Nicky and asks if she'd mind moving the car.

"I can't Vause, no license."

"Just circle 'til you find a spot, don't go making donuts in the middle of the street, you'll be fine."

"Can't risk it Vause, I would, I just can't."

"Babe," Piper says touching Alex's arm, urging her not to pressure Nicky to do anything illegal.

"Alright, I'll be right back. You wanna hold her?" she asks Nicky when she notices the plastic bag by her feet for the first time.

The wild haired blonde nods as Alex lowers Harper into her arms careful to support her neck. "What is that?," she points to the bag. Jamie follows Harper's two foot journey and stands right next to Nicky.

"Nothing," Nicky replies and immediately gets lost in the newest Vauseman. "You have water," she says to her confusedly, "can I have one? I'm dying."

Nicky coyly alters her position and tries to nudge the bag back under the chair further but her range of motion is limited with Harper in her arms and Jamie hovering, Alex drags it out.

Nicky throws her head back and Alex starts snorting as she goes through the bag which holds a scissor, a pack of dish towels and bottled water. "... and you were planning to what with this exactly?" she asks her best friend, knowing exactly what it was for.

"You said she was gonna deliver!" she says shrugging. "What if she did it at home? That's what I could find on the corner bodega... I don't know!" she says while sheepishly hiding her face in her hair.

Piper looks at her with sad eyes but can't help but join Alex in her hysterical laughter.

"Seriously," she says to them and pulls Jamie's head against her leg and covers his topmost ear, "eff you both, could've left you to have this baby in the cab," she says to Piper, "and I'm pretty sure she would've torn your nipple off by now if I hadn't shown up. Am I right?" she asks Piper who agrees, "at least one of them."

"Aw c'mon we named our kid after you," Alex says while caressing her daughter's face and planting a kiss on her nose.

Nicky pinches the sensitive flesh of the brunette's triceps.

"Ow! Sonofabi...what the hell?"

"That's for leaving her so late in the game," she says and winks at Piper.

Alex frowns slightly, pecks Piper and heads back to the waiting area where she sees Finn playing with his tablet.

"Hey kid, wanna come with me? I gotta move the car," she says, moving the key around her hand.

He shuts down the tablet and stands up, still seeming somewhat solemn. She hooks an arm around his neck, "someone shit in your Cheerios? What's up?"

He laughs, but shakes his head: nothing.

"Why so serious?" she sings in the tune of P!nk.

He still shakes his head, "I've never seen her cry."

Ah. "It hurts babe, she's alright. You should see her now." She looks up, slightly awed, thinking of Piper.

"She was scared," he clarifies that he doesn't think it was the pain. "I didn't know what to do."

"Hey," she says and removes her arm from around his shoulders. She hits the button for the ground level in the elevator, "you did great kid. I'd take you out for a beer and say you became a man today but I'm pretty sure your mom would kick my ass." He smiles big, she tousles his hair.

"Really," she says in a more serious tone, "I would've missed it if you hadn't called me." "You know she threatened to kill me when I wanted to call you the first time."

"She's all talk," she drawls, "... but me? I would've really done it."

"Yeah, no shit," he looks at her judging if it was cool if he slipped in the words he wasn't normally permitted to. She opens her mouth to tell him to watch it, but shuts it and re-hooks her arm around his shoulder as they walk through the hospital and exit. They get outside and walk toward the abandoned car, the security guard who had followed her to labor and delivery stands beside it.

"Did you make it?" he asks.

"Just barely, thanks," she says after eyeballing the windshield wiper for a ticket.

They climb into the car that's parked in the loading dock of the emergency room. She parks a block from their apartment and stops upstairs to grab the bag of big brother stuff from Harper to Jamie along with the big brother shirt/little sister onesie Piper insisted on having for pictures. She returned the little brother onesie to the shopping bag and grabbed a couple of other items to bring back to the hospital. She settled on a sundae for Finn for the moment and got one to go on ice for Jamie.

After finally getting in touch with Polly, she came to meet them at the hospital. Shocked to the core at how fast this baby came, she walked quickly through the hospital and squealed excitedly as she walked in the room. Finn ducked from her flailing arms and snuck up next to Jamie in hopes to not be effected by the estrogen overload as she practically crawled underneath the covers holding held her namesake close to her and listened on as Piper, who was fading out, tried to recount the day.

On their first night home, Jamie watches Alex bounce her weight on the co-sleeper attached to Piper's side of the bed making sure it's secure.

"Is she sleeping in here?" he asks.

"Jamie, we've already gone over this. Mommy needs to feed her during the night." "I want to sleep in your bed."

"James, you're too big to be in our bed, you won't get a good night's sleep."

"But, I'm only this big," he reasons looking down at his body.

She sighs as she turns down the comforter of the bed, "fine, just for tonight though and if...," she stops as he scampers off the bed and runs out the room. He comes back in his pajamas and crawls into their bed, and breathes in her face to show he brushed his teeth, before settling himself in the middle, under the sheet. Piper walks in with a sleeping Harper, her eyes scan over the lump under the sheet next to Alex.

"Just for tonight," she whispers to Piper before she starts with her. Jamie's head emerges from the sheet, and pushes back behind Alex's arm hoping she'll defend her decision to let him sleep with them.

"You're such a pushover," Piper tells Alex while settling Harper on her back in the co-sleeper. Jamie crawls over towards the baby, Piper brings her hand up to block him, "please don't wake her up, I just got her to sleep."

He nods, "can I give her moochies?"

"Yes, gentle ones."

He leans over her face and plants a gentle kiss on her cheek, "goodnight baby."

Her piercing cries wake them all in the middle of the night, Piper's hand finds her in the dark and rubs sleepily in hopes she'll settle at the touch. Jamie turns over and Alex leans up squinting in the dark unable to see anything. She puts on her glasses, and walks around to Piper's side of the bed to lift their screaming child. She bounces her, rocks her, ensures her diaper is dry, lets her free hand roam over her body to soothe her, sings her words of encouragement to fall back to sleep, but nothing.

"She's so loud," Jamie whines sitting up. Her lips find Alex's knuckle and start to suck, "Pipes," Alex says trying to wake up the blonde.

"Mommy!" Jamie says in frustration, "all she does is cry," he says to Alex as he gets up and trudges off to his own bed. Alex chuckles and sits at the edge of the bed, "Pipes, I'm sorry babe," she flips on the side light, "she heard there was a buy one get one sale on breast milk but she can't find it in the dark."

Piper turns the light back off, and sits up with her eyes closed. She extends her arms to receive a wailing Harper. She half consciously rests her lips on the crown of her head, "alright muffin," she says and gets her latched on; the room goes quiet other than the occasional break in suction. She feels the bed dip down and Alex curl along the length of her leg,

"Where's Jamie?" she says looking down at Alex's face pressing into her hip.

"Unimpressed with the acoustics," she mutters. She leans up some to look at Harper with the little light from the street lamps that shine through the window.

"She's good?" her voice hums over the miniature blonde, still husky with sleep.

"Mmmhmm."

Three hours later, her whimpers wake Piper and she gets up to nurse her before the hollering starts. Another three hours later, Jamie walks in and leans over the co-sleeper to watch Harper wiggle. Her fingers wrap around his index finger, "mommy look!" he yelps, tearing the blonde from her sleep.

"What?!" she looks up and around alarmed.

"She's holding my hand," he shows her raising Harpers arm up slightly.

Her head hits the pillow and sighs relieved, "that's great baby," she says realizing she doesn't sound genuine. She props herself up on her elbows, slight guilt in her chest, "she loves you," she rubs her hand over his head, "where's mama?"

He shrugs his shoulders. She sticks her finger in Harper's diaper and removes it, wet. She pulls a clean diaper from the bottom of the co-sleeper and changes her and hands Jamie the dirty one and tells him to bring it to Alex.

He takes it and finds Alex who's measuring out the coffee grounds, and hands it up to her. "What're you giving me this for? Throw it in the trash."

"Mommy said you need to bring it in the hall.

She takes it, weighing it in her hand for a moment, the no 'Diaper Genie Vausian Guarantee' only stands for shitty diapers she reasons on roughly three hours of sleep; she smirks and throws it in the trash like a basketball.

Just shy of 6 weeks after Harper's born, the sounds of saxophone playing Peruvian Nights plays through the apartment. Jamie, who's crouched in front of Harpers swing, pokes his sister's cheeks to see if he can get her to smile each time her swing comes forward. Piper is setting a pot of water onto the stove to start dinner, when Alex comes home after returning to work 2 weeks before. She shuts the door, but no one comes to meet her. She walks closer to the music and finds herself in the living room. She extends a foot knocking Jamie over.

"What am I, old news?"

"Hey!" he whines and looks up and sees it's Alex. "Mama!" She gets down on her knees and he gives her a hug.

"And what were you just doing?"

"Nothing," he lies.

"Hi hi hi hi," she leans into Harper and rubs her tummy before she turns the swing off and picks her up.

"Were you good today?" she asks him while bouncing Harper and looking at the trail he's left all over the living room.

"Uh huh," he pauses sliding his hand up and down Alex's black pencil skirt as if she's a new unique specimen that he's never seen before. She smirks at him, and asks him to start picking up; he asks her why when he's going to use the same toys tomorrow. He's met with a glare over the top of her glasses. He looks back at her, waiting for a response, when she lifts her glasses atop her head and squints slightly peering into him. His eyes widen slightly as he takes a step back and begins picking up his stuff.

"Don't mess," she tells him as she walks into the kitchen, her rasp startles the blonde. "What is this Kenny G shit?"

"Kenny G," Piper says with a chuckle. "It's sensual," she tells her as Alex kisses her cheek and rests her chin on her shoulder.

"Mmmm, water," she says looking into the pot while she slinks her hand around Piper's front and meets her mushy skin. Piper frowns and pushes her hand away, "I hope she clears me and says I can start exercising again, I hate this, it's all saggy."

"Babe it's really not that bad, you're so hard on yourself. I'm saggy too and I didn't carry either of them! What's my excuse?"

"You're not even close to saggy."

Alex turns Piper around to face her and grabs a boob with her free hand and pulls it upward, as high as she can, "this used to be here."

Piper laughs, "they were not at your clavicles. The first thing I'm doing once I'm cleared is going for a long run."

"La deuxieme chose," she tells the blonde with a look that says she wants to eat her alive. "Mmm, that sounds so sexy."

"Yeah? Just wait; I'll speak French between your legs."

A choking noise escapes from the back of Piper's throat as her knees start to go weak. They stare each other down until Harper squirms breaking their focus. She brings the newest blonde love of her life up above her head and settles her down above her face and kisses her all over. "Tomorrow," she says leaning back into Piper who's turned around to start chopping a zucchini.

"Leave this, I got it, what were you making?"

"Just pasta and vegetables, sorry."

"Perfect, go sit."

"You've worked all day."

"You haven't? Was this a vacation?" Alex asks her, not waiting for her response. She leans down to switch off Piper's music not being able to deal with the jazz and be expected to keep her hands to herself, she switches on System of a Down's, BYOB and head bangs marching gently around with Harper. She deepens her voice and sings along, "la la la la la la la la la wooo."

"Ahhhh soothing," Piper says stretching her arms out for Harper.

"Noo," she says, pulling her away from Piper, "you've had her all day," she says grumpily.

"Fine."

"Please sit."

Alex goes to change and returns in leggings and a tank top with Harper moby'd to her chest. "Hot as balls," she says to Piper, "I'd imagine."

"And wearing our daughter, much cooler," she nods on.

"All day, I've been away from her all-day."

Alex doesn't care. She welcomes the heat as she's waited so long to feel the weight of a tiny nugget along her frame. She cooks their dinner gladly with Harper snug against her body; she glances over her shoulder to see Piper shut her eyes.

* * *

Six months later, Jamie sits at his table of four working on a craft to bring home for the holidays. Michael Louison asks, "what does your mom do?"

"She has a soap store."

"What about your dad?"

"I don't have a dad."

"Oh."

"I have another mom?," his voice raises up slightly.

His classmate tilts his head to the side and asks curiously, "you have two moms?"

He nods not understanding why he's asking.

"Who fixes stuff or puts stuff together?"

He's confused, "like what?"

"Like... the T.V. or the light bulb when it doesn't work anymore, or...who cuts the grass?"

"Well they both put in a new light bulb. Or we get another T.V. or we call the T.V. guy. And we don't have grass."

Michael Louison shrugs his shoulders and says "okay," satisfied, "can you pass me the glue?" He wrinkles his mouth and thinks, is that what dads do?

Alex and Jamie come through the door; she follows her nose to the smell of demolished plaster and wood shavings. She stands in the doorway looking stressed, "Piper!"

Weeks before Piper relished in watching Alex eat her words, as they decided to re-model the bathroom that had seen better days. Piper meets her in the doorway holding a babbling Harper, "it'll be done soon," she says trying to ease the brunette's stress. Jamie's mouth drops when he sees the mess that used to be their bathroom.

He looks at Alex's expression and then looks over her body, in her dress and tights. He turns to look at Piper, who looks like a hot mess, having been home all day.

Alex goes to talk, but all that comes out are a series of disturbed sounds.

"It'll be done in a few days, relax, we have ours," Piper says in reference to the bathroom in their bedroom.

"Ugh it's just everywhere, "Alex says stressed, "I don't want the dust around her," she takes Harper from Piper and walks away.

"Just move her away from it, it's not dusty in here, I've had her in other rooms all day. The guy'll be back Monday to clear all this out and he said the tiles should be in early in the week."

"It's gonna be like this all weekend?!"

"Well... yeah but-we-have-ours, what's the big deal?" Alex slinks down on the couch overwhelmed. A teething Harper gnaws on her finger, she feels a sense of calm at the nibble and takes a deep breath, big picture Vause.

"Whatever, as long as it'll be done in time for the holidays, I'm already freaking out about making dinner for everyone."

"It will be," Piper reassures her.

"Couldn't you clear it out?" Jamie asks the room.

"Clear what out?" Alex asks him.

"The bathroom."

She looks at him as if he's the newest escaped mental patient; her head rests back on the couch, while Harper still goes to town on her finger. "The mess is ridiculous. We're not touching it. We're paying this guy a zillion dollars to do it... and when it's done," she says leaning up and looks at Piper, "it better be spotless- no flecks of paint or plaster on the mirrors, no dust behind the toilet. Spotless."

"He'll be back on Monday! He's going to come back and clear it up and then you can see the new tiles and fixtures."

"But could you do it? If you wanted to?" he asks both of them looking back and forth.

"What? I don't _want_ to," Alex tells him

"But you know how?"

"No I don't know how," Piper chimes in, "that's why I hired this guy. Can you please get a jar of food from the fridge before your mother only has 9 fingers?"

He gets it and puts it on the table; he rests his head on his palm.

"What's up with you?" Piper asks as she takes off his hat.

"Michael Louison said that his dad fixes stuff."

"What?" Piper asks barely above a whisper.

"That his dad can build things or when...when something breaks in his house his dad fixes it."

 _Well fuck Michael Louison_ , Alex thinks to herself.

"Hey I can do stuff!" Piper says defensively.

"Like what?" he challenges, thus far unimpressed at how this conversation is going.

"Hey!" Alex says giving him a look that relays he needs to watch his tone.

"We turned your room into a kid's room, it's used to be a grownups room," Piper lists.

"It's just paint," he rebuts.

"And we," her eyes wander, flustered, as she tries to think of something she's fixed and can't think of anything, "we put together your sisters crib!"

"And Uncle Pete helped mama bring it up from the store!"

"So? She could've done it herself."

"But she didn't!"

Alex stands up, shoving a spoon of food into Harper's cheek completely missing her mouth, "and I built that tree that's in your room _and_ installed it!" She wipes the food off her daughters face and licks it off her hand, causing her face to contort in revulsion.

"Yeah and Steve always says that he helped you every time he comes over and sees it." Alex always hated when her colleague that helped her did that.

Count? Jamie: 3, Moms: 0.

"Ugh, this is disgusting," she passes Harper to Piper and uses the cuff of her sleeve to wipe off her tongue, "I think your food is better," she says to Piper.

Piper's eyes widen, "Yeah! Yeah! I make my own food! Let's see Michael's dad do that!"

"That's gross!"

"Well she," she says pointing to Harper, "doesn't have any complaints and you didn't either so meh," she says sticking her tongue out. She wanted to say she "pushed the two of you out of my vagina, UNMEDICATED," but held her tongue.

"I'm gonna finish this bathroom," she said with a determined stomp towards the disaster zone. "Piper the baby!" Alex said as Harper's head bobbed up and down in rhythm with Piper's stomp. Jamie skipped over towards her, "you're gonna fix it?!" he says excitedly.

"Yeah," she looks at the room, "yeah I am."

Alex steals back Harper, "no you're not and were supposed to host Christmas dinner with our whole flippin' family- with what, no bathroom? It'll take months!"

"Well then it'll take months, and they'll use our bathroom...or they'll pee in the street." Jamie jogs in place at Piper's contagious moxie.

"Piper, your temper," Alex warns, "can you take her to your room?" she asks Jamie. "Use the boppy to help her sit up, or she'll throw up."

Alex bends down to hand her to Jamie and watches him barely able to walk with her. "Piper you don't know what the hell you're doing! We have two kids and no bathtub!"

"He can shower...and she... she can shower with one of us or well just fill up her little tub- solved." She holds onto the doorframe and bends her neck to look at what used to be their shower. Alex looks at the room like it's Mt. Kilimanjaro after a tornado.

"We can do it, Al. We fixed stuff in Litchfield."

"We?! Oh no. I'm not doing this. If you want to be Piper Joe construction worker that's all on you."

"Do you want him growing up thinking we can't do anything? That he would've been better off with a man to fix things?!"

Alex opened her mouth. Piper cut her off, "do you?!"

"I know we can do stuff," Alex says already sounding defeated, "but we fixed dryers and lamps Piper, this is a whole bathroom."

"We're doing this... well I am. It would be nice if you backed me up."

"Don't you do that!"

"What?"

"That thing!"

"He's just our son, if you're fine with him viewing you as someone who's not capable of doing something a man can do then that's just fine."

"This is bullshit, she says. "Alright I'll help you but it needs to be established that just because we can do this, doesn't mean we're also not above having someone do this crap in the future."

"Deal."


	30. Chapter 30

30

"Can I put on my bathing suit?"

"NO!," they both yelled in unison as they turned their faces away from the water that was spraying from the pipe under the sink.

"You didn't turn the water off?!," Alex screamed, as she blindly felt around for the oblong knob. After multiple rotations of the knob, they were left looking like drowned rats in the middle of the almost complete bathroom.

"You look funny," Jamie says to Alex as her sopping wet hair fell over her face. He held onto the doorframe and climbed into the space between her crossed legs. He places his hands onto her cheeks and smashes them together, "what are we having for dinner?"

Piper pulls him backwards, he tilts his head upside down, "your mama's about to lose her mind, can you go watch your sister?"

"Uhhh, but I'm hungry."

"Cereal, we're having cereal," Alex tells him as she carefully pushes herself up off the drenched newly tiled floor.

With a wide grin at his future cereal dinner, he stands up and leans over the edge of the tub, "t- tur," he looks at the can sitting in the filthy unfinished tub, "turt-lay," he looks over at Piper with slight frustration over his face.

"Close, turtle," she corrects him.

"Turtle," he confirms, "wax." "Turtle Wax." He looks back at Piper devastated, "mom, this has real turtles?!"

"No lovey," she pulls him in, wetting him with her soaked shirt, she looks at Alex and mouths questioningly, "does it?!" The brunette shakes her head with her eyes rolled back to her brain, no.

"Alright enough, out," Alex says to him placing her hands on his shoulders and escorts him out of the bathroom. Her hands run through her hair, she twists it ringing out the excess water and looks around the pool, her eyes end on Piper who's sitting on the floor rubbing her index finger between the tiles.

"Are you just avoiding eye contact with me?," Alex says standing over her, "out of fear that the fire behind my gaze will pierce holes into your very being? I'm nearing my end Pipes."

Piper ignores her comment, "a perfect seal. It was totally worth the extra month of research, the grout versus caulk, acrylic caulk, silicone caulk, latex based caulk."

"Say caulk again," the brunette says with warning in her tone.

The tone grabs the blonde's attention, she looks up at her wife, apologetically.

In a thick southern accent, the brunette tries to diffuse the tension her tone just created, "there's shrimp kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo."

The quotation from one of their favorite movies, relaxes the blonde's face, "what's your sole purpose in this army?," she asks Alex.

"To do whatever you tell me drill sergeant!"

"God dammit Vause, you're a God damn genius."

"Stating the obvious babe."

The bathroom renovation as a whole had tried both of their patience, multiple times. The four of them had been sharing a bathroom for four months and counting, and with Piper having returned to work, the project had dragged on longer than she initially anticipated.

"Thanks for not divorcing me," Piper stated only half kidding.

"Through sickness and in health right? A hard head, this is your sickness."

"No kidding right? I mean look at this mess," she laughs out, "the tiles are soaked under a pool of water," she sighs. "But no cracks or crevices. I may be totally biased, but does this actually look good?"

Alex looks around the disastrous monsoon of a bathroom and sighs shaking her head, "you're lucky you're so fucking cute, like really fucking lucky." She steps out to grab every towel they have to start soaking up the water. She returns with a stack so high that she needs to move her face to the side to see where she's walking. She drops the pile on the floor.

"You don't look half bad in that," Piper tells her tugging at the base of an old Smith College tank top that leaves the two inches below the brunettes belly button exposed.

"Thanks for the sacrifice," Alex acknowledges the shirt Piper leant her.

She wrinkles a brow in judgment as she tries to soak up some water with the towels, "who knew you'd be so attached to all of your clothes."

"Well I have some good memories with my older stuff, great concerts, different countries, I don't want them to get ruined," she drags the towel under her foot to an edge of the floor.

"Some of them are holier than Jesus Alex, I've been trying to get rid of some of those for years."

"Are my shirts hurting you in some way? Let them be."

"We're just cramped for space, I need to go through J's stuff too."

"No," she says in mild protest, "Harper can use his old stuff," she reasons, wanting to hang onto anything that remains of his baby times.

"Some are too boy-ish,"Piper justifies.

The brunette's eyes go wide, her arms stretch outward at the monstrosity of their unfinished bathroom.

"Ok I take it back."

"No such thing," Alex digs her foot into another towel, "don't assign genders. And we'll throw a headband through her mane, it'll counterbalance any 'boy' stuff she wears anyway." She picks up half of dozen saturated towels, "are you good here? Let me go check on them, it's a little quiet."

She finds Jamie on the living room floor with his school folder, Harper's toys are strewn around the border of the co-sleeper which has now permanently migrated to the living room and doubled as a playpen.

"James, mommy asked you to watch her," she whines, she's up to her hairline with the constant mess.

"I diiiiiid," he whines back.

"Then why are all of her things on the outside of the playpen?"

"Because she put them there."

"So you watched her toss her things outside, got it." She lifts Harper up and sets her on the floor before tossing all the scattered toys that've created a moat around the playpen, back in.

"Can you help me?," he asks her holding up the papers in his folder. He'd been working on memorizing his two lines for his upcoming kindergarten school play, but had trouble remembering the prompts.

"Yep. Can you actually watch her for a minute while I pour us some cereal?"

He nods his head and grabs his sisters hands and plays with her. Alex walks back in carrying two of the three bowls of cereal she poured, just as Harper is pulling all of the books from the bottom level of their coffee table.

"Jamie," she says lifting the bowl toward the active baby.

He gasps, "Harper, no!"

She looks at him and tries to lift one of the heavy coffee table books.

"Ahhh, it's alright," she blames herself for asking the six year old to watch the baby. "Come," she says setting the bowls on the table. She settles onto the couch, he crawls up next to her, he balances the bowl on his legs. Alex glances at the disaster waiting to happen and then looks at him,

"I'll be careful, I won't spill it," he says looking at his notes and tilts the bowl, his legs stiffen, he gives her a look, woops. She shakes her head and crosses a leg over the opposite knee. She stands Harper up in the hole of her legs, Harper hangs on and bounces.

"Wow look at that turnip, it's a great big turnip. We can have it for lunch...," Alex reads from his script.

Harper slithers from her entrapment, she holds onto the table for support while walking along the border. Alex leans forward and cups her hand on the sharp corners of the table to protect her.

"Mama, keep going til we get to the duck."

"James, hang on, watch her... you know what, nevermind, just hang on." She puts her cereal bowl down, and brings Harper with her toward the back of their apartment; she sees Piper closing the door of the washing machine, "can you go help him with his lines? He's obsessed with it being perfect."

"From one thespian to another? But of course," the blonde says dramatically.

Alex returns with an armful of her old t-shirts and gently sets Harper on the floor beside her again. She begins taping a t-shirt to the corner of the table when the curly haired blonde pulls herself up into a standing position and starts making her way down the length of the table. Alex brings her back to where she's kneeling tries to race her daughter to cushion all of the corners before she smacks her face on an edge.

"With feeling Jamie," Piper tells him.

"Quack, quack," he says more enthusiastically, "that is a great big enormous turnip, we can have it for lunch."

"No, no, no," Piper stops him. "Take your time, with big pauses on 'great big enormous turnip', do you understand how big this turnip is? All these people and animals trying to pull on it. Try again."

He laughs and nods, "that is a great-big-enormous turnip, we can have it for lunch."

"Awesome," she tells him. "You pull too," Piper says in her best goat voice.

"The duck pulled on the goat," he says his line dramatically; Alex chuckles as he feeds into Piper's advice and projects his line with two outstretched "wings."

She continues changing her voice for each character, he looks at her excitedly, "the goat pulled on the cat, the cat pulled on the dog, the dog pulled on the son, the son pulled on the farmer's wife, the farmer's wife pulled on the farmer, and the farmer pulled on the Great Big Enormous Turnip, but it didn't come out."

"Quack, quack, the duck pulled on..."

"Cack, cack, cack, cack," Harper repeats. Alex picks her up and retreats into the kitchen to pour some milk into Piper's bowl. She brings the cereal to her wife and heads back in, to pick a variety of random foods that Harper can eat. She grabs a cheese stick and the container of grape tomatoes before heading back to join the actors. She settles onto the rug, handing a loudly babbling Harper torn bits of cheese and tomatoes. Her daughter reciprocates the gesture and feeds her pieces, often losing her balance and smearing a sticky hand onto the brunette's, chin, chest, hair, wherever her hand lands.

She hands her another piece of tomato and watches her baby study what's in her hand, squishing it just a little before putting it in her mouth and continues talking loudly.

"Harper, shhh," he says to the little blonde, who's again making her way around the table toward her big brother, she chatters louder.

"Harper! Mama, I can't... I can't remember what I'm supposed to say," he says frustrated with his little admirer.

"Hakuna your tata's, she's just trying to talk to you," Alex says surprised at him.

"I don't even know what she's saying."

"Maybe not, but she does," Alex explains to him.

Piper adds, "you know, people might be making some noise when they watch you, she's helping you practice."

He stares at Piper disgruntled.

Harper puts her sticky hands on his legs, she's still talking.

"Sometimes she makes me so angry."

"You frustrate her too sometimes. Whenever she's touching something that you don't want her to touch and you just take it away from her, she cries, doesn't she?"

"But it's my things."

"Some things you need to share, and some things are only yours and you can choose to share them if you want to," Piper tells him running a hand over his knee. She lifts Harper off the floor and onto her lap and attempts to nurse her. Harper pulls away too stimulated with all the activity around her.

"Sometimes I don't want to share anything," he says honestly.

"James, you're giving me a headache," Alex tells him.

He gets off the couch and puts his papers in his folder and starts to walk away. "Where're you going?," Piper asks his back.

"I don't want to be in here," he says with some sadness in his voice.

"You need to go to bed then," Alex says as he continues to walk away. "He acts like she ripped his big toe off his foot," she tells Piper.

"Maybe we should move them into separate rooms," Piper suggests.

"No," Alex shakes her head, "they're little enough. I would've killed to have a sibling to share a room with."

"You say that because you never had one."

"No, there's other pressures and annoyances when you're the only kid too. I don't understand how he's so loving with her one minute and then acts like she's an apocalypse the next."

"Al, he was the only kid for five years. I don't think you ever really get used to having nothing truly being your own anymore: objects, space, attention. It's normal," she laughs to herself a bit.

"What?"

"You just have no idea. I used to hide under Cal's bed and scare the crap out of him, Danny used to convince me to get into the toy chest and sit on top of it for what felt like hours. He used to tell me if I told on him that I would lose my voice and never be able to speak again. You know how terrifying that is when you're a kid? If all he does is voice his frustration, consider us lucky. Just wait, wait til she actually does something that really gets him mad. Your siblings can be your best friends, but they can also be your worst enemies."

Alex pushes off the floor and starts picking up the dirty bowls, while Piper tries to get Harper to nurse for the last time before she's put to bed as well. The brunette follows the trail of light into the bathroom in their bedroom where Jamie is brushing his teeth. She opens the medicine cabinet and pulls a bottle of Tylenol from the shelf. He spits, rinses his mouth and dries it on the hanging towel.

"You don't feel good?," he asks her with concern.

"I told you, I have a headache." She takes a sorrowful deep breath feeling guilty for having told him he was the cause of her headache, "go wait in bed, I'll be there in a minute."

He eyeballs the pill bottle on the countertop as Alex crouches underneath the sink to grab some things she needs for evening rituals. He tries to open the bottle and after a few noises of struggle she tells him, "it's childproof."

His eyebrows furrow at the bottle and then he looks at her with curiosity, "but how does it know its me?"

Alex cackles and drags her hands over her face, "it doesn't. Will you please go to bed? Give me five minutes."

"Scoot over," she tells him and climbs into bed with him a few minutes later. "Can we read something?," he asks her.

"Always," she tells him with a tone that says he never has to ask her that. He crawls out from underneath his blanket, she grabs his ankle, "but I want to talk to you first."

He turns around to face her, his attention is undivided.

"James," she thinks over her words for a moment, "it's okay to be frustrated."

"With Harper?"

"Well, with lots of things, but yes with Harper. You're a really great big brother. Sometimes she's going to do things that you don't like. But because she's little, it's going to take her time to learn."

He stares at her blankly.

She purses her lips, "there's lots of great things about having a little sister, you know."

"Like what?," he says unenthused.

"You have someone to talk to at night..."

"She doesn't say words."

"She's starting to, the more that you read to her, the faster she'll start talking."

He shrugs his shoulders.

"You always have someone to play with."

"But she can't do everything I can do."

"But she can do some things, and she'll be able to do all the things you can one day. Help her."

"She always around."

"Are you saying you want some time away from her?"

He nods silently. "Not all the time, just sometimes."

"Well, because you're the older one, you get to do something's that she doesn't get to do."

"I can go to the place by the bridge and climb on the boats," he recalls the last thing he got to do with Piper while Alex stayed on the dock with Harper.

"Right? Or you're allowed to go to a movie, because you can sit in the seat for a long time."

"Can we go on the weekend?"

"I don't see why not."

"With you _and_ mommy?"

"I have to check with aunt Polly or aunt Nicky first but probably."

"Yes! Maybe when she's a little bigger, she can come too?"

"Yeah! And even now, she might not be able to watch one of your favorite movies, but she can watch some of it with you. You don't have to share everything with her, but some of your favorite things might be her favorite things too. It's usually more fun to do things when you have someone else who likes the same stuff."

He doesn't respond.

"She loves you so much buddy," she says hoping he understands.

"I knowwww. I love her too, I love her more when she doesn't take all my things."

Alex chuckles, "you know, 'people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.' Do you understand what that means?"

He shakes his head, no.

"I could tell you I love you, but if I pinch you while I tell you that, does it feel like I love you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it hurts when you pinch."

"When mommy or I come to get you from school, what does Harper do?"

"She kicks her legs."

"Because she's happy to see you, right?"

He nods, "and I feel happy too," he drawls.

Alex gasps, "wait, so even though she doesn't speak 'words,' you know she's happy to see you and you feel happy too?"

He tries to fight his smile.

"So maybe next time she's got something of yours, you could bring her something to trade so she doesn't feel like she's left with nothing?"

"Okay."

"Thanks babe," she motions towards his books so he can pick one out after waiting patiently through her heart to heart. They alternate reading page by page, after a while Piper pokes her head in.

"She can come in," Jamie tells Piper.

"Oh, well thank you for the invitation." Alex glares at her, understanding that while it's Harpers room too, for him to have been so frustrated with his sister just an hour earlier and now so welcoming was a big deal.

Piper sits with her in the glider with a bottle of milk. Alex encourages him to keep reading, she motions her chin subtly toward the bottle in Harper's hands, Piper's hand rests over them.

The blonde mouths, "dried out," and pokes her boob.

Piper places a passed out Harper into her crib, as Jamie's not far behind her, fading fast. Alex leans away from him some, "no, I'm not done," he says sleepily. Alex leans toward his table, careful not to let him fall from the support of her body, and sticks a piece of construction paper in the book, "we'll pick up from here tomorrow," she says shutting the book. She lowers his head down to his pillow, he turns over onto his stomach, "my light," he says to his mom's raspily as they leave his room. He hears Harper breathing a few feet away, he lifts his head off his pillow, he can see the lights of his neon green stars reflect off her cheeks, "sorry Harper," he whispers.

A few months later, late into the night, Piper leans into the sink counter of their new bathroom, Alex comes up behind her and drags her nails up her ribs causing the blonde to gasp and raise up onto her toes.

"I want to smash a champagne bottle over this sink, I'm so freaking excited!," she exclaims to the brunette, "but I don't want to make a mess," she laughs.

"We could christen it another way," she growls into her neck.

"Alex...," she breathes out at the sensation of heat at her neck.

"It would feel left out, being the only room to not have been blessed with a foggy ass print on its shiny tile, no?," her hands rake up the blonde's inner thighs. She presses herself against Piper's back forcing the blonde to lean into the mirror. The blonde's dark eyebrows raise at the reflection of the brunette's smoky stare from behind her. She feels Alex's hand rub down her lower back, past the waistline of her shorts, into her underwear, underneath her ass, and cup her from below.

The blonde moans out once, then blinks hard, "the kids..."

"...are asleep," the brunette finishes.

"The walls, the sound will echo."

"Oh for crying out loud," the brunette pulls her hand out from the heat of her impeding wife, she backs up toward the door.

"Al...," Piper says in a tone that pleads for the brunette not to get upset. "Just wait here."

Piper turns down the toilet set and sits, with one leg crossed over the other. Her elbow digs into her thigh, her chin rests in her palm as she waits, and waits, and waits.

The brunette returns with a crumpled up blanket, bottles clink from within. She sets it on the floor and spreads it out. She locks the door, "sit," she points to the floor.

"If this is your attempt to make fucking in the bathroom with our kids rooms away, romantic..."

Alex leans into her and wraps a hand towel over her eyes, and secures it with a hair elastic, "... it may work," her lips spread out into a grin.

"Look how your mind automatically goes somewhere filthy, and maybe once upon a time I'd have been flattered," the brunette starts opening bottles of various liquor to pour into small glasses, "but a blindfold for sex, really? Aren't we a little old?"

Piper pulls down the hand towel, "old for blind folded sex?," Alex pushes the towel back over her eyes, "aren't we a little old to be making puddles of love on the bathroom floor?," she asks exasperated.

"Never too old for that," she stands up to get a match from the medicine cabinet and lights a ridiculously overpriced scented candle that Piper purchased, insisting that anything labeled 'Tahitian,' automatically made her feel like she was on vacation. "Anyways, I just want you to taste different drinks and see if you can tell what's what, you need to relax," she says easing a glass into Piper's hand.

"How about you don't make me feel irrational for worrying about our son hearing us?"

"He's not," she puts the glass in Piper's hand, "and even if he did, what's the worst that would happen, really?"

She takes a sip, "Belved, no, Grey Goose. Um, he could be traumatized for life."

"I think you're being a bit dramatic. So he'd know his parents fuck, it's a reality that everyone needs to cope with at one point or another," she hands her another glass.

The blonde sniffs it, "Patron. At least give me a harder one," she hands the glass back to Alex and mutters, "giving me freaking tequila, I'm not an amateur. And he doesn't need to know anything of the sort at six years old."

Alex takes the glass and places another glass into her hand, "you're defeating my purpose, you're supposed to sip it, don't smell it."

Piper sips from the glass and laughs, putting the back of her hand against her mouth, "it's still Patron, you idiot."

"Yeah but at least you're one sip closer to being looser...," she leans back avoiding Piper's swat, "relaxed, I meant relaxed."

She holds Piper behind her back and pulls the blanket from underneath her slightly causing her to recline a bit against the tub, "just chill out."

Piper can hear the clinging of a few tumblers, as Alex separates her fingers into the insides of multiple glasses and sets them between the two of them. She leans on her side facing a semi- reclined Piper. She takes a sip from the glass and hands it to Piper,

"bourbon."

"Mmm, hmmm, which?"

"Jim Beam?"

"Excuse you, and I would never buy that." Piper takes another sip.

"Oh, it's the one with the horse on the top, the one that looks like a grenade."

"Tis. And it's a barrel."

"Thank you very much," she says handing the glass back to Alex who swigs the whole thing down like a shot, "and it looks like a grenade," the blonde completes always competing for the last word.

"Let the Mensa induction begin, here," she says giving the blonde another glass.

"How many of these do you have?," she says laughing.

"As many as it takes."

Piper sips from the glass, and pulls the towel down, recognizing the taste from anywhere, "absinthe. Where the hell'd you get this from?"

"I've been sworn to secrecy, not to divulge my sources therefore risking the incrimination of Ms. Nicole Nichols."

"Is she stupid?," Piper asks seriously while not having enough of her own will to resist taking another sip of the drink that stings and reeks of bad licorice, "I should stop."

"Do you have somewhere to be?," the brunette reasons, moving the towel that hangs around Piper's neck.

Piper passes it back to her, Alex takes a sip, "ugh it's disgusting. So many good stories though," she leans up and moves the glasses from in between them, she rests her head under Piper's chin, tracing her hand up the blonde's abdomen and rests her hand on her breast, she teases her nipple between her index and middle fingers, eliciting a moan from the blonde. Piper leans down further so that they're supine, feeling much more relaxed at the prospect of little ears becoming tarnished, the idea seems so insignificant now. Alex's lips press against hers as her deft hands work to open the button of her shorts, the brunette slides them down the blonde's long legs, her lips never break contact. Piper spreads her legs wider to accommodate the brunette who has nestled between them. Alex drags her hands from her ankles, over her calves, her thighs, then over her hips, planting kisses along every space that's not covered by her panties. Piper feels the moisture gather between her legs, the panties failing to absorb anything, she raises her arms over the back of the bathtub and lifts her hips, "take them off."

Alex pulls her panties down, and teases her with sporadic long licks of her tongue, taking her time to lap the wetness she's already caused the blonde to produce.

"Faster, Al, c'mon," she says raising her hips again, against the brunette's mouth, needing the skilled tongue to fill her urgently, "I'm gonna stain this fucking blanket."

"Uh, consider that done," she muffles as she nips the blondes saturated center that continues to cause an ever-growing pool beneath her.

Alex grabs the flesh of Piper's rocking ass as she fills her with her tongue, she pushes and pulls the blonde to and from her face, savoring every sound, relishing in the slight pain, the blonde causes at the tight tug of her hair that she has in her grasp. She keeps the blonde on the edge for a bit before curling her tongue upward and hangs on as the blonde moans out and pulses her hips with each beat of the heightened sensation.

She feels the blonde's graps loosen from around her hair, her back settles into the floor. Piper smirks at her, she smirks back, "now it wont be so lonely."


	31. Chapter 31

31

The classic jingle of the Mr. Softee truck grew louder and louder as it pulled up alongside the sidewalk of the playground. Jamie left Harper in the sand and bolted toward Alex, "can I get ice cream?"

She puts her pen down on the pile of papers she brought from work, "ah, that would be a no. You've had enough crap today, your mother's already going to kill me as it is."

"I won't tell."

Alex laughs, "is that what she tells you to do when she gives you something I wouldn't like?"

He looks at his shoes for a brief second before shaking his head, no. "C'mon it's just like three dollars," he says trying to make his case.

"And another three dollars for your sister. I could buy a tub of ice cream on the corner for the same amount of money." Ma? Are you here? It's been a while since your words escaped my mouth.

"But I want the one with gumball eyes."

Oh honey, he's so cute... he's only a kid once. Her eyes look up into her head for a moment, "really James, no, you guys've had enough junk for today." She tousles his hair for just a second too long, embarrassing him, he pulls away. Will you shush? He's gonna get diabetes.

"Fine," he whines and kneels back down next to Harper, who hands him some little rocks she found in the sand.

"Harper, know what that is?," he says directing her attention toward the white truck with the obnoxious looping song.

"Huh?," she looks over to the truck, not having noticed it before, and gasps, "ice cweam!," she whispers.

"Do this...," he says making a pout with his lips.

She mimics him, "nooo, more, and pretend you're sad. Mama said we couldn't get ice cream when I asked her."

She pouts her lip out further, her eyes plead, nailing the face, "ok good," he says helping her up. She brushes the sand off her hands and runs over as best as she can.

"Mama, can I have ice cweam?" Alex immediately looks over at her son who, upon making eye contact with his mother, turns away.

"James," she calls after him. "No," she tells Harper, and unclasps the barrette that's falling out of her curly hair. She rakes the hair from her side part and pulls it back neatly into her barrette. She aches to feel her mother's hand run through her hair: to style it, mess it up, it doesn't matter; its the bare simplicity of the gesture that aids the longing. Harper looks into her mother's eyes, picking up on their momentary sadness. The brunette stares back into the blue of her daughter's, ridding herself of her own ache and James comes over and stands behind Harper. Alex, they're beautiful, she swears she can hear her, as if she's standing right behind her. With a slight shake of her head she tells the presence behind her, don't distract me.

"Didn't I just tell you no?"

"No, what?"

"That you couldn't have ice cream?"

"Yeah."

"So, you didn't tell her to come over here and ask me for the same thing?" "Nope, I didn't tell her to come over here."

"Really?"

"Really."

Harper pushes her hands into Alex's knee and raises up onto her toes, she pouts her lip and gives her those miniature Piper Bambi eyes, "pwease can I have ice cweam?"

"Ugh," Alex laughs exasperated by this face peering up at her. She looks away from Harper and at James, "you didn't tell her to do this either?"

His lips pull to this side, "that part I did."

Alex bites her bottom lip, an unconscious nervous habit each time one of her children do something of the manipulative nature. Oh so you still managed to somehow create a mini- schemer. Well I told you one day, you'll get one just like you, she hears her mothers laughter echo.

"C'mon mom, it's sooo hot," Jamie works the guilt again. Harper leans into her some more.

"Alright, enough with the kvetching! It's really not that hot," she says unzipping the side pocket of their bag, she continues mumbling, "so spoiled... lucky," and hands him some money. They hug jumping up and down. You really are a sweetheart. She almost turns around as she feels the presence leave, don't be a stranger.

They go to run off, Alex grabs his arm, "hold her hand, ask for whatever she wants first and since it's so hot, get a bottle of water."

He nods, "thanks mom."

"Thanks mom," Harper echoes. Jamie grabs her hand, Alex watches him lean over the playground fence and unhook the latch. She puts her pile of papers on the bench and stands up, regardless of the fact that she could see them just fine from her previously seated position. She watches him point to different selections on the truck, bending down to Harper between each one to hear her voice over the music. He goes through half a dozen cartoon figures of ice cream before Alex sees the little curly head nod and reach both of her hands up to receive her snack. He walks her back inside the fence and closes it behind her before returning to the truck to get his own ice cream and the water.

Later that evening, Piper offers to take the both of them with her grocery shopping when Alex tells her she only managed to get a minimal amount of work done. She lifts Harper and helps place her legs into the holes at the front of the cart while Jamie hangs onto the back. As the cart turns down the candy aisle, he jumps off the back and runs up to the wall of candy. "Can we get this?," he asks grasping a bag of Jelly Belly's on the hook.

Piper tries to think back to the last time she let them have junk food and reasons its been a while, "alright."

He lifts the bag off the hook, she grasps the bag, "wait, did you have any candy today with mama?"

"No."

She lets the bag go, but he gives it back to her so she can open it. He gives one to Harper, looking at her hoping she knows better than to mention the ice cream, and leans onto the back of the cart once again. Harper twists around and he continues to give her more jelly beans, sifting through the bag as she only eats the red ones.

Piper is about to scoot past the cereal aisle when Jamie hauls down toward the section shelving boxes containing more than twelve grams of sugar. She pulls the cart over toward the side, so as not to block other shoppers, and walks briskly toward Jamie before he starts his debate as to why he should incorporate an additional food devoid of any nutrition into his diet.

"No," she takes the box of cereal and puts it back on the shelf, "you're literally mid-chew of jelly beans, this isn't food."

He obtains the box again, while choosing another healthier cereal and makes his points, trying to compromise alternating days of the week between either choice of breakfast. She's already decided, she gave into the jelly beans, she will not cave, but lets him continue and she gets lost in thought: determined, persistent, charming; the similarities... constantly multiplying. She watches his mouth move, his facial expressions exemplifying how passionate he is, trying to make this case; his voice seems far off in the distance, when his words rip her back to current time,

"Do you have sex?"

"What?," her pitch is high, she's completely unprepared to hear this question.

He asks again plainly, "do you have sex?," not understanding the taboo nature of the question; his head turns toward the teenagers kissing at the other end of the aisle.

"Shhh," her hand covers his mouth impulsively, despite the fact she asked him to repeat it for clarification. His hand comes up to her hand to move it away from his mouth.

"Where did you hear about that?," she asks at a whisper leaning into him. He answers in a regular tone, "Joey's sister told him about it."

Her hand runs nervously over her face and over her hair, her lips part, but no words come out. She hears Harper, "ouchie!" Her head snaps toward her daughter who's frantically throwing her head back and forth, when she yells louder, "OUCHIE!," and starts to cry.

She starts quickly walking down the aisle and then picks up to a run as her daughter sounds more and more distressed, her breath catches, her heart rate increases as she sees red from her daughters nose. As first she thinks it's blood, but soon after, focuses on the red jelly bean lodged in her toddler's nostril.

"So...?," he asks waiting for an answer to the question that got his mother so flustered.

"Jamie not now... Harper how did you...," she looks back down at Jamie, "... in the car, alright?" He nods and curls his lips, getting a good view of the underside of the ruined treat.

"Harper, why did you stick... stop," she says grasping her thrashing daughter's head with both of her hands, "does it really hurt or are you scared?"

"Scawed."

"Okay, we'll get it out." She uses her index finger to put pressure on the outside of the tiny nostril to squeeze it down from the outside.

"Ahh," the mop of spiraled curls pulls away as she whimpers.

"Okay, breathe in through your mouth like this," she demonstrates and then presses her index finger to the opposite nostril and tells her to blow out from her nose. She does once but then quickly inhales through her nose bringing the jelly bean further up. Her daughter screams attracting the attention of other shoppers and then starts crying again.

She calls Alex, but after several rings the phone goes to voicemail. She calls Polly and explains the situation, while Jamie tries his best to calm his sister down and make her smile.

"I have to what?," she asks into the phone as the combination of salty tears and snot accumulate with the dyes from the red jelly bean and make an artificially gooey paste on her daughters upper lip. OhmyGodthisistheworstdayever.

Her eyes are slightly glassy with fear, sadness and a tiny bit of is-this-really-happening conspiracy, as she puts Polly on speaker and sets the phone down in the cart next to Harper's leg. "It's either that or you need to take her to the emergency room, because let me tell you, trying to bring a tweezer towards her face, bad idea."

Jamie continues to "raise the roof," keeping Harper focused on him instead of her nose, he looks at Piper nervously as she turns Harper's head from side to side, "you're on speaker Pol."

"Hi muffin, are you okay?"

"Uh huh."

Piper holds her head still between her hands and bends down a little. She pinches the opposite nostril down with her thumb, "open your mouth Harper."

"What?," Polly asks.

"Polly shut up, not you. You," she says slightly tilting her daughters face down.

"Huh?"

"Open your mouth," she repeats, and before Harper even knows what happens Piper mouth covers hers and blows causing the jelly bean to shoot out and land beside their feet.

"Ew!," Jamie yelps stepping back.

"It's out!," she yells into her phone excitedly. "thank you!"

"No problem, fifty bucks is the going rate. Love you."

"Love you too."

They finish up their shopping, Harper's head bobs dozing from her ordeal as Piper pushes the cart toward the back of their car. She gets Harper strapped into her booster, Jamie climbs in next to her, somehow, his appetite is not turned off by the boogery massacred jelly bean, and continues to eat handfuls from the bag. Piper loads the groceries into the back of the car, climbs in and shuts the door. Before her key turns in the ignition he starts,

"so, do you have sex?"

She feels the temperature rise in her face, her butt cheeks automatically clench, "yes," she says and exhales. Did my intestine just fall out of my butt? She starts the car.

"With who?," he continues around a mouthful of assorted beans.

Yep there's the intestine. She imagines sticking it back in her butt; that would actually be more desirable than this right now, "your mom." OHGOD! "What did Joey tell you, sex is?," she asks desperately hoping that he thinks its what he saw the teenagers doing in the aisle. She eyes the collapsed shopping cart lying across the passenger seat and wonders if she'd have the strength to squeeze her head in the middle of it.

"When people rub their privates together and they make babies."

I'm gonna fucking kill that kid, what is his number?! "Okay," she grits through her teeth. Her hands grip the steering wheel tightly, she puts the car into reverse and backs out of the parking lot and starts to head home.

She eyes each traffic light, gliding past the consecutive streets; she hears dinging as if she's collecting points, if she gets enough maybe she'll win a ticket out of this car. After they're more than half way home she slowly sits up straighter, allowing her eye to just creep into the rearview mirror to see if he's awake. When she sees him looking out the window, she sinks back lower, maybe that's all he need to hear?

As they're rounding the corner of their apartment building she hears his voice, "but you need a man and a woman to make a baby." He says this factually without question, she notes. She hears her breath pick up the pace again, as if its coming from someone else, why is this happening to me? Really?!

"How am I here?"

She bit the bullet, and turns around to face him, "you actually just need one sperm and one egg. I had an egg, I had lots of eggs...," she said this now looking a little sad. He picks the jelly bean remnants out of his teeth and hears him sucking on his fingers; he nods, willing her to continue.

He's so calm about this, why are you freaking out? You knew he'd ask you one day. BUT I didn't think it would be now. She took a breath, "we wanted a bigger family, your mom and me, and we needed help. I had my egg, so we found a donor, someone with a very big heart, who gave us a gift so we could make you."

"Oh...okay," he says opening the door and gets out onto the sidewalk and shuts the door sending a jolt through his mothers body and waking up his sister. So I'm still alive. I survived?!

She gets out and loads up the groceries in the cart before removing a drowsy Harper from her seat and stands her on the sidewalk next to the cart.

As they enter the lobby of their apartment building he continues, NOOO, she screams internally. "But when you have sex you can't make more babies because you're two girls?

She takes inventory of anyone else within earshot before responding out of hesitancy that he might continue with this theme of more questions, "right."

"So..with Harper?"

"The same donor gave us another gift."

"I get it." Bless your heart. He leans back against the wall of elevator satisfied.

"Do you know him?," he starts again, she's suddenly aware of how small their elevator is, she walks the perimeter of the rectangle as the elevator lifts them higher and higher, Harper follows the pattern of her feet, there's nowhere to run.

"No...but I know something's about the donor." Ugh why didn't you just leave it at no?! They walk down the hall and into their apartment,"ALEX!?" There's no response.

"Like what?"

ALEX WHERE ARE YOU?! "Well, they like art and science...and it was important to them that they helped ladies who wanted to be mama's, ladies who needed help to have a bigger family."

He leaves seeming like he received the answers to his questions, but she knows not to get too comfortable with the thought that this conversation is over. She runs over to the kitchen sink, cups her hands together to fill them with water and splashes the water over her face, she hears the excess water hits the floor behind her.

Alex steps in concerned, "are you okay?" Her head shakes, no.

"He had this almost empty bag of jelly beans, Harper literally just shoved like twelve into her mouth at the same time. Pipes?...," her thoughts are interrupted by the sounds of their kids bouncing off the walls, while Piper's eyes remain transfixed on the water on their kitchen floor. "I gave them ice cream earlier," she confesses, "and fast food," she cringes, "sorry, I should've mentioned it. Did you ask them if they already had sweets today?" Her wife's eyes are dazed, "and what happened to Harper's nose?" The blonde remains virtually unresponsive other than the trance like shaking of her head, "Pipes?," the brunette's cool hand wraps around her forearm; the blonde's eyes look up finally break contact with the floor.

"Sugar, so much sugar, and the jelly bean in her nose and he...he asked me about... oh, everything, he wouldn't stop."

"Babe," the brunette squeezed her arm again, "what are you on about?"

"He asked me about sex," her jaw drops down, as Alex pulls her into her body, squeezing her eyes and lips shut tight trying to hold in her maniacal laugher with every fiber of her being.

"I wasn't ready."


	32. Chapter 32

Cross reference to chapter 6 of Caught in the Whirlwind

* * *

32

Piper takes note as her daughter fills up one of Jamie's old backpacks with miscellaneous nonsense from around their apartment. The handle of the bag is adorned with different colored ribbons to establish it's now her backpack. She puts her backpack next to Jamie's by the front door, Piper's used to her routine and delays the meltdown for as long as she can. Her daughter comes out of their room "dressed" for school; she's relatively well matched, for a three year old she figures, the only thing that looks completely awry is her hair. She goes through this with her several mornings every month as her daughter desperately wants to start school but is just shy of pre-school eligibility. She attends nursery school three times a week, but during Piper's days home with her, she tries to take advantage of her daughter's ache for knowledge and reviews whatever she's interested in, all after the almost-weekly calamities.

"Harper, not today," she tries to break the news five minutes before Jamie needs to leave for school.

She watches her daughter over-dramatically melt onto the floor and cry like she does every time she realizes today is not the day for "big kid" school. His teachers have met her as she drops him off and picks him up with Piper or Alex many mornings and informs them all regularly that she'll be going there too.

Piper picks her up off the ground and asks her if she wants to drop him off today or if Alex should take him.

She wipes her tears with her fist and nods. "Yes, what?"

"I wanna go with Jamie."

Alex takes that as her cue, she yells "bye" out loud to Jamie, and walks down to their elevator with Harper at her heels. She waits for the elevator with Alex and as the ding sounds, gives her a hug and a kiss and runs back down the hall back to their apartment.

"Are you crying again?," he asks his sister as he gets his second shoe on, "I wish I could stay home."

"It's almost the summer babe, then camp, baseball... few more days," Piper reminds him as she combs Harper's hair back into a high ponytail, she struggles arranging her daughter's curls into any other type of style. "Go try to put your shoes on," she tells her as she collects the bag Harper packed and dumps the contents onto their mail table. She packs it with easy to grab snacks and a few things for the day.

After dropping off Jamie, they head into the nearby park and relax in the shade. Piper sits cross legged and leans up against the trunk of a tree while Harper goes through her bag in search of something to play with. After coloring, running around and going through a book of letters, Harper asks,

"what does elemeno look like?" "What does what look like?" "The elemeno."

Piper looks at her curiously, "I don't know what that is baby."

Harper exhales, "the elemeno." She proceeds to recite the alphabet, "H-I-J-K-elemeno-P." Piper eases up on her laughter but points out that it's four different letters in her book. "Oh, well if it was one, I could find it better.

They return home after they run around the city getting Jamie's things arranged for the summer, and Harper asks to put on the Wizard of Oz; Piper puts it on for her and smirks at the obsession that both of her children have over this movie. It's a reliable way to make the peace in their home when the youngest members of their family wish diarrhea upon each other. With her elbow against her side and her wrist relaxed, Harper points to their TV, "I want that."

Piper looks up at the girls from the Lullaby League, "you want the dress or you want to do the dance?"

"Dance in the dress."

"Alright," she says as the free spirited, energetic, now aspiring ballerina dances around the living room. She sends Alex a text after looking up a few studios who have summer sessions and ask if they have a thousand extra dollars lying around incase she wants to continue in the Fall; she also informs her that their daughter decided the alphabet was outdated and needed some flair.

Alex returns home with Jamie who pants "finally!," as they walk in having been tortured while Alex bought a few light pink and black leotard dresses for Harper.

"How stinkin cute are these?! Harper!," she shouts as she rummages through the bag and shows Piper the mini spandex outfits. Piper forcibly pulls Jamie close to her as she brushes the sweat from his forehead into his hair and looks at her hand somewhat disgustingly. He doesn't notice,

"did you have a good day overall?," she asks him knowing he was dragged along with Alex the whole afternoon.

"Yeah, I'm starving, is dinner ready?"

"Yeah mom, my day was great. Thanks so much for sending me to a great school and getting all my crap ready for the summer. How was your day? Oh my day was fine, thanks for asking."

He laughs, "sorry."

"Dinner will be ready soon, go wash your face, you're gross."

Harper comes in and Alex beckons her close, Piper holds different leotards up to her body to see if any are too obviously big or small.

"For me?," she clarifies with gleeful eyes.

"Yeah, do you like these?," Alex holds them up while she nods, hanging onto Piper's shoulders while Piper helps get her clothes off so she can try everything on.

Piper helps her pull on her white "sticky pants" before slipping on her pink leotard. Alex fixes her hair into a little bun while Piper covers her mouth at the cuteness. Harper does a horrible imitation of the Lullaby League dance causing Alex to release an "oh my God" at the prospect of all the "watch this's" that are to come of this new hobby.

A mirrored "oh my God," echoes shortly after as Jamie comes back into the living room where all of the women are being overtly female and squealing and clapping as Harper sloppily leaps without any hint of grace.

Mid-summer, Piper and Alex sit on either side of Nicky, Harper is bounced around on her lap. Alex wears Jamie's team's hat just off to the side while Piper teaches Harper a cheer with a patterned clap that they've been doing all season. One of Jamie's teammates gets a hit and makes it onto first base. The next player comes up to bat as Jamie gets on deck and starts practicing his swings. The umpire calls strike two and Alex turns to Nicky who doesn't know the first thing about baseball,

"this ump sucks," she waves a rigid hand forward, and leans on her knees.

Harper smiles, "sucks," her tongue goes in her cheek as she looks at Piper who is about to scold her until Nicky turns her lap exaggeratedly away from Piper to shield Harper.

"At least the words didn't come out of my mouth this time," Nicky says to Piper over her shoulder. Harper leans her head back into Nicky, "right kid? And if I do say some grown up word, please for the love of God don't repeat it. You'll get me into trouble." The humidity elevates the volume of Harper's curls, the light breeze causes them to tickle Nicky's cheek, "um, and who do you think you are with this hair? Is this like a challenge or something?" Piper runs her hand over Harper's emerging fro, "my mother's hair is naturally curly, but it's labeled in section 49 of the Country Club handbook that all hair must be properly straightened."

"Ah," Nicky replies and messes up Harper's hair a little more. Jamie's teammate gets to a full count before the ump calls strike three and the kid is out. Jamie steps up to plate and can hear his family on the bleachers, he turns around and tips the brim of his helmet before facing the pitcher.

"Ball one."

The parents and other spectators in support of his team clap. "Ball two."

"Good eye baby!," Piper yells out. He turns around with wide SHUT UP eyes. She tightens her lips as Nicky squeezes her leg with a way to embarrass the kid stare.

"Steeeeeeeerike one," the umpire calls as Jamie throws his body into the swing but misses.

"That's right, you made him want it," another spectator from the other team shouts to the pitcher, earning a watch me punch your teeth in stare from Alex. She holds her tongue but stands up, and slips her thumbs into her pockets to try to control herself.

"Babe what're you doing?," Piper looks up at her knowing the antsy movements of her wife. Before she gets an answer, the pitch comes across the plate below the height of Jamie's knees and the umpire calls out,

"Strike two!"

Jamie's head swings around to stare at the umpire.

"His strike zone is like this big," Alex shouts holding her hands about a foot apart, "what is this golf? How is he supposed to hit that?," she says with her arm gesturing out.

Jamie nods with an arm out to the side in agreement.

Nicky chuckles, "leave it to Vause to defend the minions."

Piper keeps her eyes on Alex, but talks toward Nicky, "did you just call my child a minion?"

"Minion, midget, ankle biter, whatever your preference."

Piper watches Alex place her hands heatedly on her hips, she stands up and pulls on her wrist to sit down, "Alex you can't yell at the umpire, this is little league, you're going to get him thrown out of the game."

"This is ridiculous, the ump has it out for him!"

"He doesn't either."

"Shake it off J," Alex yells out.

The next pitch comes toward the plate and Jamie hits a line drive past second base, it rolls into the outfield. Piper notices the previous annoyance is completely gone from Alex's face as their son is redeemed as he makes it to first base.

They're all walking home after the game, Jamie and Piper are bickering on the sidewalk while Nicky and Alex are swinging Harper who's just happy to be out of there as she finds his games to be too long. They're passing a local market when Piper mentions needing to get a few things. Nicky declares the need to empty her bladder and walks into the store. Beaded bracelets, outside the store adjacent to the market, catch Harper's eye and she asks if they can look at them. Alex offers to stay outside with her, as she catches,

"you can't call me baby in front of everyone! That's so embarrassing!," as Jamie and Piper are walking through the automatic door of the market.

Harper informs her that she can't see all of the bracelets on the table so Alex lifts her up. She picks up one bracelet at a time so Harper can inspect them when the woman who works in the shop comes outside to offer assistance.

"Alex," the auburn haired woman recognizes her immediately.

Alex looks up curiously for a moment, she curses internally, "Sylvia?"

"Oh sorry, if you can't quite remember. I'm sure there were plenty!" Alex tightens her lips at the commentary, reflecting back to her younger, less considerate self. Sylvia stands with her arms crossed, appearing somewhat defensive, and looks at the little girl nestled on her ex-girlfriend's hip. She tilts her head slightly to look at her face, she looks nothing like her, but still the way she's holding her. She looks Alex up and down and knows she wouldn't have had kids and shakes the thought away.

"So, how are you?," Alex says fondling a bracelet in her hand.

"I survive. These," she purposely brushes along the skin of the brunette's palm and lifts the bracelet, "always sell well."

Alex bends her fingers to scratch the skin of her own palm, "the shop is yours?"

"Yeah, do you want to come in?," she raises a brow.

Her lips part, her expression isn't clear whether she is about to decline nor accept the offer when a tallish boy with ruffled brown hair comes running up to the table,

"Mom wants to know if we need toilet paper in the house."

She turns her head toward Jamie, her mouth still hangs open slightly, "yeah... yeah we do."

He looks at Alex weirdly and runs back into the store while Sylvia looks at Alex and snorts derisively.

Alex widens her eyes as both of her eyebrows raise above her glasses.

"She's yours too?," she asks with a slight frown, nudging her chin out toward Harper, remembering the exact color of Piper's hair.

Alex plants a kiss on the top of Harper's head. "How many do you have?"

"Just the two, feels like more sometimes," she bites the corner of her mouth awkwardly. "Sylvie look...I'm really sorry how everything ended between us. I was really selfish back then..."

Nicky walks out, mid-panty adjustment and lights a cigarette, "it's like a zoo in there," she says to Alex while keeping her distance away from Harper.

Sylvia's demeanor softens slightly as the similarity of the blonde women's hair sets in.

"I don't know, just weird, her...," Jamie says pointing at Sylvia while Piper comes out of the store with two bags of groceries in one hand and pack of toilet paper in the other.

She looks up at Sylvia who sees Jamie pointing at her and Piper walks in a big U and goes right back into the store. "Shit..., shit, shit, shit." She puts the groceries down, her hand comes up to her cheek, she feels the sting from the punch of that woman's fist.

"Mom!," he says in response to her repeated profanity.

"Sorry."

"Do you know her?," Jamie asks picking up one of the bags of groceries.

She takes a breath and decides she needs to put on a brave face. She hadn't been in the wrong anyway, this should be on Alex, she told her heated cheek. "Yeah, she's one of mom's old friends, c'mon." She lifts the toilet paper and the grocery bag and heads back outside toward Alex.

"Ready?," she asks Alex.

"What, no hello?," Sylvia asks with a little too much nerve.

"Hello," she says reluctantly, "Alex?," she wills her wife with her eyes.

"Can I have that back?," she asks Piper pointing to the bracelet that's still in Harper's grasp, "or are you still taking things that belong to other people?"

"Are you still misdirecting your anger? I didn't do anything to you."

Alex takes the bracelet Harper's still holding and gives it back to her ex, she turns to leave, "c'mon Pipes."

"You slept in my bed!"

"Holy shit," Nicky mutters while she blows smoke out the side of her mouth pulling Jamie back.

"You put a bag of dog shit on my porch and lit it on fire!," she seethes over the table, she mutters under her breath, "crazy bitch."

"Pipes!," Alex says knowing the depth of Piper's temper, "Sylvia, good luck with the store."

"It wasn't dog shit!," she shouts, getting in her last licks.

"Who was that?," Nicky asks, Jamie's ears perk up.

"She was your friend?," he asks her.

Alex lowers an eyebrow, "no, she wasn't my friend."

He looks at Piper confused, "not a good one," Piper says trying to save face.

"Was that...," Nicky starts.

"Nick..., no," Alex cuts her off.

"Was that who? How do you know her?," Jamie presses.

"It's none of your business," Alex looks at him seriously.

He looks annoyed, the older he gets, he learns that his mothers are crazier than he once believed; they have a life of secrets, some of which he's been told throughout the years and some that they say they'll tell him when he's older. But with the seriousness of the look his mother just gave hum, this doesn't seem like something he'll ever know more about.

Alex walks ahead a few steps with Nicky, "you guys need some...time? When's the last time...? Alex looks sharply at her, "don't worry about me, I should be asking you."

"I have plenty of time, okay? Just say when, I'm overdue to teach new antics anyways." -

* * *

They've mastered the art of shutting out the background noise of their children's screeches as they taunt and chase each other wildly throughout the apartment. As the temperature starts to drop, the cabin fever gets old pretty quickly, though they try to still spend 30 minutes or so running around outside to let the kids take in some of the crisp evening air. The vibrations from their stomping are sent through the floor, causing either Piper or Alex to look up every now and then refocus their attention on the present conversation. The last series of stomps is halted with a thud as Harper collides with their three shelved bookshelf, as her coordination is not as refined as her brothers. As if time slows, various photographs slip from their upright positions and fall face down; she sees the vase that Piper painted for her years ago, teeter back and forth on their bookshelf before it falls and breaks on the hardwood floor by their daughter's feet. Alex bolts to pick her up out of the way of the broken shards of pottery while Piper moves Jamie back who immediately apologizes knowing the history of the piece. Harper violently cries,

"are you hurt?," she asks tilting her baby style.

"No," she breathes hard through her cries. Alex notes a superficial cut to Harper's foot and tries not to worry her since she doesn't know its there.

"Okay, stop crying then," she clutches her and carefully steps over the pieces that Piper says she'll take care of. Alex walks her into the bathroom and sits her on the vanity of the sink while she opens the medicine cabinet and the door underneath the sink to clean and dress the cut.

"I broked it...," she continues through her cries.

"It's okay Harps... stop," she sets the peroxide and q-tip that are in her hands down and tries to calm her daughter. She places her little hands on her thighs and squeezes them in her own, "look at me... count..."

This innate guilt when they've done something that displeases either herself or Piper is something that, no matter how many times they've tried to dissolve the situation, their kids have difficulty controlling.

She ignores Alex's request to count, "mommy made it for you," she sucks the air in sharply, "I broked it on accident."

"I know, it was just an accident, I'm not mad, at all, okay?," she lifts Harper's chin and presses her forehead against hers, "count."

She keeps her head still against Harper's as she counts to five before she starts to clean her foot, "we'll try to fix it with glue, alright?"

Harper nods, "can I have a Barbie one?," she says looking at the boxes of bandages in the medicine cabinet.

"Absolutely," she says lifting her foot close to her eye to inspect it for any fragments that may have gone deeper. She sniffs Harper's little toes and pulls her face back as if it reeks causing her daughter to giggle and push her toes once more toward her mother's face.

That smile, she's a mini Piper through and through. She sets her on the ground and she scampers off to find Jamie, "look, it's pink!," she lifts her foot to show him her bandage.

"Amazing," he says sarcastically until Alex steps back in and shoots him a glare, "it's pretty Harper," he says quickly before he gets a lecture on how Harper's a baby princess. He lets her tag him and gives her a ten second head start before they continue with their earlier shenanigans.

The brunette notes the floor appears as though nothing has happened, she finds Piper in the kitchen, using the hood light from the stove so she can adhere the pieces of cheap pottery back together.

"Hey," Alex stands beside her and strokes her pointer along a larger piece with irregular borders, "you think you can put it back together?," she asks poignantly.

Piper looks up at her sensing her tone, "yeah, I think so. I think I got everything off the floor." She sees the subtle nod, the strands of dark hair cover her eyes so she can't quite see her face, but she knows what she's feeling. "And hey, if I can't I'll make you a new one," she checks her with her hip, trying to downplay what this piece of material means to her wife. She pinches the ends of a larger piece and sets it along the glue line of another, "see?" She pecks the brunette's shoulder.

Alex brushes a hand on the blonde's forearm that's fanning the air around the glued clay helping it dry, "thanks."

An hour later Piper presents her with the vase, visibly cracked but made whole once again, "good as new."

Alex receives it and tilts it back and forth in her hands, "s'better than before."


	33. Chapter 33

33

Harper's first year in "big kid" school had almost come to a close; it had gone well and Jamie had paved the way, giving the "Vauseman" name a good reputation. They looked forward to the upcoming summer and while they'd still have to get up for work and camp, it wouldn't be as early, homework wouldn't need to be checked, clothes wouldn't need daily ironing.

The little phone in the fourth grade classroom rang, "James...," he looked up surprised as his teacher called out, "you need to go to the main office."

"Oooooooh," his classmates snickered as if he was in trouble.

He went up to the front of the classroom to grab a pass and walk out the door, when she said, "take your things to go home."

He came over to her, "do you know why? Why am I going home early?" While he was excited to bolt out of school hours ahead of schedule, his voice quaked with mild worry.

"I don't know, they just asked if you could come to the office with your things for an early dismissal."

He put his school supplies back into the box in his desk, got his backpack and lunchbox from the closet and went down to the office.

As he was nearing the office, he saw Harper's purple sparkly sneakers stretched out from the long wooden bench. She looked tired but her eyes brightened up a little when she saw him; he walked up to the tall divider to the main part of the office,

"excuse me?"

The secretary raised her head in acknowledgement.

"Am I in trouble or something?," he asked her hoping for a quick answer. Harper got down off the bench and leaned into him, "I'm sick."

The secretary smiled and nodded, able to hear the younger of the two but not see her.

"Why am I going home though?," he asked slightly shoving Harper away from him, he noted she felt a little warm and realized she wasn't faking it.

"Just have a seat, the nurse will come talk to whoever comes to pick you two up."

He nodded and tossed his backpack on the bench before sitting down. Harper climbed up beside him with her backpack still on her back, there was no bounce in her step.

"So what's wrong?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know."

"Do you feel like you're gonna throw up or something?"

She shook her head back and forth, "I feel yucky... and tired," she said leaning into him. She drove him crazy, she was always in the way, wanting to be a part of whatever he was doing regardless of the triviality, but when she was sick she was essentially lifeless. Her fatigued, hot body sulked down until she was laying in his lap. He pulled his hoodie, which he was forced to bring daily "just in case," and balled it up to shove underneath her cheek. An hour later Piper walks into the office flustered and sees Harper sleeping on Jamie's legs. The nurse is called to the office and she gives her two cents,

"...and with the fever, and the rash, she said you haven't used any new soaps in the house or anything."

"No we haven't," she tried to recall.

"And neither of them received the Varicella vaccine, correct?," she said looking through their immunization record one more time.

"They got a million vaccines, which one is that?"

"Chicken pox? I'm not saying that's what it is, you should confirm it with their doctor, I personally haven't seen it in a long time, but I know there have been one or two cases in the school recently."

After their doctor discussed probabilities of what the rash could be, he discouraged blood work confirmation and decided to observe for the classic viral rash. As if his hearing tunneled, all Jamie could hear was that this meant staying out of school for one to two weeks. By the time they got home, Alex had already stopped at the store to get calamine lotion, a new bottle of children's Tylenol, oatmeal bath and some snacks for their lockdown. While Harper's limbs hung loosely through Piper's tight grip, Jamie went over to Alex,

"so there's a shot but we didn't get it and now we get to stay home from school for the whole week, or maybe two!"

"Yeah I know, that shot, it was new, mom and I didn't think it was best for you."

"Wait, so you made sure we didn't get it?"

"Right."

"You're the best mom ever!"

"Yeah well these pox are itchy, you can't scratch them or they're going to leave scars all over your body. Lots of baths," she says pointing a finger at him, "and we'll put this cream on the bumps to help stop the itching once they come."

"I feel fine, I don't care, whatever gets me out of school. I can watch movies all day... can I watch Netflix?"

Piper and Alex made a schedule of who was staying home on certain days while the other went to work. Within a few days Harper's back and trunk were covered in itchy blisters. She practically lived in the bathtub as she found the oatmeal baths to be the most soothing. About a week later most of her pox were scabbed over when Jamie's were just beginning. Unlike his younger sister, he hadn't handled the itch so well. They tried oatmeal baths, and the calamine lotion which helped for a few minutes but he still scratched. Piper scolded him repeatedly and threatened to secure his hands together but he couldn't help it. They tried a few home remedies and found a spray starch usually used for un-wrinkling clothes was the only thing that would ease his urge to scratch. The spray was cold so even though he knew the spray would help, he'd try to stay still for the first spray but it usually ended up with one of them chasing him around as if they were trying to smother a bug.

"You're the worst mom ever!," he shouts genuinely miserable with itchy bumps but laughs at being chased for the fourth time that day by the mom he can outrun.

Alex slows mid-chase, out of breath, the can hangs loosely in her grasp.

He turns around and realizes he lost her but he's still so itchy, he jogs back over in his underwear and sees her hand pressed against the wall, as she continues to catch her breath. She raises the can, half-assed but he's still out of range, the mist will just coat the floor.

"Sorry kid," she says in honesty for making them both go through this, but the risk at having a vaccine, that hadn't been out very long, injected into her children's bodies hardly seemed worth the risk.

He steps closer, "it's okay, you can spray me, I won't run."

Around the tenth day of Chicken Pox lockdown, Alex and Piper were bordering stir crazy. They'd made plans to go out the following day, Alex was dyeing her hair in their bathroom.

"Babe, why do you still do this?," she asked as the brunette squinted into the mirror and painted her hair.

"Your two greys blend into your blondes, mine stand out a little more. Can you help me with the back?," she asked lowering her aching arms to her sides, the crepitus releasing from her shoulder.

Piper reluctantly slipped on a pair of gloves and painted the hair from the nape of Alex's neck and continued up the back of her head, "you know I don't find you any less attractive right?"

"My hair is literally plastered against my head and this is when you're trying to tell me that you still find me as attractive as you have in the past? At least wait til its done. It's more believable."

"I'm being honest, and I think it would look really cute if you just left a streak here?," she pointed to the space above her ear, "...especially since you have it pulled half up all the time, it would totally work."

"Pipes I already feel old every single day, I... I'm just more comfortable with it like this okay?"

"Okay," she said pecking her shoulder and handed over the hair dye brush.

"I thought you were going out tonight?," he asks Piper from the bathtub, thinking it was a little early to be getting ready when he'd just eaten lunch; she scrunches her hair trying to make the best use of her hair product, she finishes up her make up.

"We're leaving any minute," she says looking at her watch, "up and out," she says to Jamie wanting him to be dressed by the time Nicky got there. She turned her body to the side and smoothed out her sundress when Harper walked in. Jamie pulls the shower closed and rinses off quick while Harper tells Piper, "you look pretty." She scrunches her nose and smells her mother's perfume. The shower turns off and Jamie's wet arm slinks out and grabs a towel. He wraps it around his waist while Piper crouches down, "does my make up look okay?," she asks Harper. Jamie rolls his eyes as Harper nods her head, "can I have some?." Piper lightly brushes some blush onto her cheeks.

He never understood the need for dates when his parents saw each other everyday. Why pay for dinner somewhere else if the fridge was stocked with food you bought in the first place? And spending immeasurable amounts of time getting ready "to look nice" for the same person who saw you go to bed with spots of expensive white or green skin cream, and wake up with messed up hair. Women. He combs his hair back and tries to exit the bathroom, when Piper grabs his arm and pulls him back in, and sets the calamine lotion on the sink. She spot paints his body with the pink cream and fans it quickly to help it dry when the doorbell rings.

"I'll get it!," Harper shouts and almost knocks Jamie over on her attempted way out to try to let Nicky in.

"Ah no you wont," Piper tells her, "Alex!," she yells out for her wife to answer it before Harper breaks loose and does it herself. The doorbell rings again, "ugh," she hisses and washes her hands off in the sink hurriedly while Jamie scampers to the door next to Harper, always excited for the days when Nicky came to watch them.

"Who is it?," he asks through the door, but there's no answer.

"Will you...," she says pushing them both back from the door and looks through the peephole, she chuckles, a smile breaks across her face. She opens the door and Alex hands her a single orchid. She snatches it sheepishly and admires it for a moment before pressing her lips against those of the brunette letting them linger until she hears Harper's giggle.

"Think it's funny?," she asks Harper, whose hands are covering her mouth, while she pulls Alex back into their apartment by her hand.

"You guys are sooo weird," Jamie declares while retreating to their living room.

"You guys are so weird," Alex repeats mocking him. "What else needs to get done?," she asks Piper.

"I haven't packed anything to eat," she says in reference to the outdoor picnic they'd planned on.

"Well are you hungry now?," she says hinting that she doesn't know if she can wait to make them a lunch to pack up and go.

"Are you?," she reflects sensing the tone.

"Kind of? We can still go to the Cloisters, we'll just eat somewhere first."

"Sounds fine, can you actually check his back and make sure I covered all the spots?"

Soon after Nicky arrives and starts raiding their kitchen for something to eat. She makes herself a sandwich as her friends are getting ready to head out the door, she takes the saltines down and heads into the living room to join the kids.

"Hey Vause remember these?," she says lifting the box.

Alex looks at her for a moment, and while Nicky makes three stacks of six crackers, her gaze changes, "you can't have them try that," she says stepping in over her kids.

"Who says I can't?"

"Nick, they can choke!"

"Well it's a good thing I know CPR then isn't it?" She'd used that line at every available opportunity, instantaneously making the brunette shut her mouth.

She waved her friends out the door and held off on the saltine challenge. She showed them a magic trick, with pleads to show them repeatedly as they tried to figure out how it worked. Harper sat on her lap and played with her necklace as Jamie grunted in frustration every time he thought he figured out the trick, but failed. Harper traced her finger along Nicky's locket, "what's this?," she said forgetting about the necklace and pressing her index finger against the top of the wide vertical scar along her aunt's breastbone.

She frowned slightly, "that's my scar."

"You got hurt?," she asked. Jamie looked up having seen the scar himself before, once at the beach, but was told by Piper not to ask about it.

"I had an infection in my heart."

"An infection? Like the chicken pox?"

"No, a much worse infection and I had surgery," she pulled her shirt down slightly so they both could see the surgical scar,"... a long long time ago."

"When you were little like me?"

"No, I was older."

"Did your mom give you medicine? The purple kind? And make you drink soup?" Her hand rose to her chest, she traced the scar along her chest and held the locket in her hand. No, she wanted to tell the little girl looking up at her, no she didn't give me medicine, or tell me everything was going to be ok, or hold me or give me sips of water. But she had two great moms and she didn't want her image of what a great mom was to ever falter. "Yeah," she forced a smile and hugged her tight, "she gave me lots of medicine and made sure I was okay."

Piper and Alex arrive at La Marina in Washington Heights, they'd opted for outdoor seating, stealing any chance to soak up any warmth when the sun shone brightly. The view of the bridge along with the sand surrounding the deck was the respite they needed while being able to remain in their own city. After a late lunch they took a seat in the loungers on the sand and talked about anything and everything.

"So can we get back to the hair dye?," Piper pressed the issue.

"Can we not?," she raises a hand and looks away. "Wanna play ping pong?," she motions her head toward the table

Piper didn't want to start anything as their alone time was so limited, "sure," she says standing up from the lounge chair.

"Have we ever played ping pong?," Alex asks her not recalling ever having a match.

Piper curls an eyebrow, "I don't think so. Is that possible?"

"Do you know how to play?"

"You just hit the ball...?," Piper looks at her curiously.

They play for a bit, each having racked up 5 points, when the ball hits the net and rolls off the side of the table into the sand.

They both go to get the ball, "this is fun," Piper acknowledges their time alone while she rolls the neon orange ball around in her hand.

"Wanna make a friendly bet?," Alex asks from back at her end of the table.

"Friendly?," she looks at her wife suspiciously knowing she has something up her sleeve.

Alex shrugs a shoulder, "sexy," she mouths from her end of the table.

Piper snickers, "like what?"

The brunette wiggles her shoulders, "no idea."

Piper takes note of the tingle down her spine at the brunette's movement, "alright."

Alex steps closer toward Piper's end, she presses her backside against the table and leans her ear in to hear what Piper wants.

"I want you to do a dance."

The brunette's lips stretch to one side, her eyes glisten from the reflection of the Hudson, she looks back at Piper intrigued, "what kind of dance?"

Piper licks her lips and blows out, just hot from the thought, "a sexy dance...a lap dance? I don't know yet."

Alex feels her nerve ends tingle, she's slightly embarrassed but she won't let her win. "Alright," she says extending a hand.

"Uh uh," Piper shakes her head before shaking her hand, "and if you win?"

Alex places her hand back on the table and looks Piper up and down, "you have to take care of me for a night..."

Piper cocks her head to the side as if this is something new; she squints at her, "...and?"

"Dressed as a nurse... a naughty nurse."

Piper laughs out loud and shakes her head, "Alex..."

"Wanna play doctor instead?," she drawls into her ear.

Piper laughs again, "alright, deal," she says and shakes Alex's hand.

"You're going down Chapman," Alex taunts her from her end.

"That's what she said," Piper remarks, the setup having been too easy, "apparently for a whole night. Haven't we just established that's where the stakes have been raised?"

"Touche."

Piper serves and smacks the ball onto the table, over the net with a speed that caused Alex to whip her head as the ball whooshes past her. She turns back to Piper with her jaw dropped, her arms come out to her side.

"One and oh," Piper says bouncing in place.

"You just hit the ball," Alex wiggles her head, mocking Piper's earlier response to her question of her knowledge of the game.

Piper does a mini sensuous dance, "yeah well, you should've known that all well-bred girls play tennis, chess or bridge."

Alex shakes her head and proceeds to get her ass kicked royally, while Piper taunts her throughout their entire walk through the Cloisters, the ride home and in their elevator until they're outside their apartment door.

They go inside and not only are both of their kids wide awake with Nicky but there are bits of saltine crackers everywhere. Alex sarcastically thanks Nicky for the mess but notices her friend looks a little off. Piper picks up on Nicky's demeanor as well and gets the kids ready for bed.

"You alright?," Alex asks her.

"Yeah, yeah," she shrugs it off, "Harper asked me about the scar." Alex bit her lip and widened her eyes. "They know I had endocarditis, and heart surgery. They don't know how though, no worries."

"I'm not worried," she reassured the woman who sank back down into her couch. Alex dropped the crumbs she swept into her hand back onto the coffee table. "Hey, I'm not worried at all okay? If you're okay with them knowing, if they ask anything else, I can tell them, you don't have to."

"Now?! No," she doesn't give Alex a chance to answer, "I kind of like that they don't look at me as an addict."

"Former addict... give yourself some credit you haven't touched that shit in how long?"

Nicky opens her mouth and clears her throat, "doesn't mean I don't still want it... all the time. I'm still an addict."

Alex nods her head once, "they know I go with you to meetings, they don't know what the meeting are for, but regardless of how much you still want it, you don't still do it." She taps Nicky on her thigh when she doesn't look up in agreement. Instead she watches Nicky bring her hand to her chest. "Don't let your past shame you, especially not for the sake of my kids," she tells her; she still looks at the top of her friends head. "Nichols!," her voice raises in frustration, "I don't want them growing up thinking people are flawless, growing up with that shit Piper dealt with, uh uh. Everyone has their junk, and I'm all about the right timing... I hear you, but no shame, got it?"

"I'll try to remember that," she says with slight sarcasm.

Alex shoves her knee, they're the right words, but not the right tone. "You can stay here if you want, if you don't feel like going home."

"I'm good."

Alex sees Nicky out while Piper closes their kids' bedroom door, Alex can hear them giggling. "Was she alright?," Piper asked her concerned pointing at the front door.

"Are we ever really alright?," she says scratching her head, just slightly worried about Nichols. "She's got us," she says factually and hears their kids again, she snickers slightly. "Did they have good day?," she asks Piper already knowing that no matter what the topic of conversation was they would always have a good time with Nicky.

Alex filled Piper in on the extent of their kids' knowledge of Nicky's past; they talked for hours into the night, exchanging texts with Nicky, just to reassure themselves that she was home and safe and didn't need any additional support for the night. They talked about the fragility of life, the possibility that they may have never been blessed to have met Nicky Nichols if she had injected just a tiny bit more of the drug that Alex had spent over a decade importing. The reality, that they might one day need to come clean to their kids and risk altering the way they were perceived through their children's eyes, seemed to creep closer.

Exhausted they retreated to their bedroom, Piper climbed into bed as she watched Alex slowly exchange her clothes for a short black peignoir. She watched Alex wash her face clean, her hands gripping the edge of the sink, allowing the excess water to slowly drip away from her face. She slowly patted it dry, folded the face towel before slipping it over the rack and hitting their bathroom light off. She set her glasses on her nightstand, and crawled into bed next to Piper, turning her body inward in a silent request to be the little spoon. Piper stroked the dark hair back and settled it behind her neck, she kissed her softly along her arm, "I love you."

Alex turned her neck back toward Piper, why, "I love you too."

"You still owe me a dance," she whispered into Alex's ear, "I can be patient."

Alex turned her body more dramatically toward her and stared at her match.

Piper used her weight to push Alex back so she could regain her upper hand at being the big spoon, "just make sure you use this time to work on your choreography."

Alex laughed out loud as she felt the weight of Piper's arm settle over her own.

The next morning, Piper rests her soapy hands along Alex's shoulders. She drags her right hand down and cups the brunette's breast, her hand freezes, "I have to go pee pee," Harper announces and she lifts the lid up.

"Why aren't you using the other bathroom?," Piper asks her while Alex stifles the laugh at the mortified look on Piper's face.

"Jamie's in there."

"Alright, just hurry up."

"Where's mama?"

Piper's eyes widen while Alex turns her smirked face away. Piper pinches her forearm, "ow!," she dramatically mouths and rubs her skin.

"Uh... she left for work babe."

"But it was her day to stay home."

Piper kicked some of the water on the shower floor at Alex, "was it?"

"Yeah you stayed home yesterday. I'm flushing," she says giving her a heads up as the shower water always gets hot.

"She must've forgotten, I'll stay with you guys, it's okay." She hears Harper turn off the faucet from the sink.

Alex kisses her neck, giggling into the wet skin.

"But she didn't even say goodbye," Harper interrupts.

Alex's eyes immediately go sad, she shoves Piper slightly now realizing her daughter thinks she ditched them based on Piper's lie.

"You know what Harp, I bet she just went to get breakfast or something and she'll be back soon," she says through the shower and turns to Alex,"okay?," she mouths to her wife, trying to cover non-existent damage. Alex nods and starts sliding her hand down Piper's ass willing Piper closer.

"Like bagels?"

She wants to pant out but controls her voice, "yeah baby, like bagels."

The room is momentarily silent,

"but how does she know what bagel I want today?"

"I don't know Harper!," she snaps. "I'll call her, what kind of bagel do you want?"

"Everything."

"Yeah, you and me both."

Harper finally leaves, Alex shuts up Piper's bitching and starts off her morning the best way she knows how. Piper gets on her shirt for work, and waltzes out with her towel around her waist, while Alex throws on some clothes and grabs her wallet. Piper stands in the doorway of Harper and Jamie's room making small talk when they hear a thud and the slam of the door.

"What was that?"

"My everything bagel."


	34. Chapter 34

34

"Ahhh!," Harper was still screaming as the slam of the bedroom door echoed down the hall. Alex burst through the door to find her daughter covering her mouth with one hand and slapping Jamie repeatedly with the other.

"Stop!," she says pulling her away from him as he laughs amusedly in her face. "I'm sick of this. She's moving to the office, fighting all the time, s'ridiculous," she says with a huff.

"Yes!," Jamie says happy to have his own room again.

Harpers eyes furrow, she wiggles her loose tooth in her aching mouth.

"You're helping pack it up...," she looks between her kids, "both of you." She lifts the string that hangs from the doorknob and then brings Harper's chin up to see her tooth.

"Why do I have to help?" Jamie asks, "she said I could try to get her tooth out. Not my fault she's a baby."

"I'm not a baby," she yells and stamps her foot as she tries to push her way out of Alex's arms to whack him again.

"Enough!," she tightens her arms around Harper and looks at Jamie. "Every time you 'help' she ends up crying or you end up mad."

"But it's disgusting, she keeps playing with it!"

"It'll come out when it's supposed to come out. I want you to take her and go downstairs to the deli and ask if they have boxes to store books and files from the office."

"But ma, we were just..."

"Go!"

Piper hears Alex pulling the drawers of their office desk open, rummaging through papers muttering under her breath.

"Hun?"

"What?!"

Somewhat shocked at Alex's tone she takes a second to respond. "They should be in different rooms anyway, they're overdue."

"I know that," she says with obviousness but all the while clearly irritated.

"So why are you upset? Why do you always get so upset when they fight? It's almost always over something stupid."

Alex shoots her a glare. "I'm not upset that they're fighting. Well I am. I'm upset that they're growing up. They're supposed to oblige by the unspoken agreement that they're to never grow taller, nor wiser, but to stay small and innocent. Not rip each others teeth out."

They use the cardboard boxes to pack up as much stuff as they can from the office, and move the boxes into their bedroom. They disassemble the desk and reassemble it in the living room.

Piper takes her daughter down to their local hardware store; she tries to hype the pros of having her own room, to an unconvinced Harper.

"You'll get to decorate and paint it whatever color you want, except these," she says as she removes a bunch of extremely loud colors from the wall of choices. The muscles of her butt clench, she feels like her mother. She replaces the colors she briefly forbade her daughter from choosing and told her to really pick out whatever color she wanted. She decides on a bright purple.

"But I won't fight with him," she tells Piper as they walk back to their apartment with a gallon of Purple Mountains' Majesty.

"Baby, soon you and Jamie are going to be going to different schools it's better to have your own rooms, he needs some more privacy."

As they walk in the door, Alex still seems annoyed, and Piper catches her telling them to "enjoy the night because tomorrow is painting day," before retreating to their bedroom and closing their door.

They lay in bed reading, Alex closes her book, she kicks the sheets off her legs while Piper peers at her from her sideways glance. She gets up and cracks the window, bending down momentarily to let whatever remnant of summer breeze there is hit her face before crawling back into bed.

Alex removes her glasses and presses the side of her face into her pillow facing Piper. The blonde starts tracing a hand through her hair automatically, while she flips each page. She nods off several times only to be awoken by Alex's hand encouraging her to continue rubbing her head.

After the 4th or 5th time Piper asks, "can't sleep?"

"Mm mm," she cuddles closer into Piper's side.

"Want me to tire you out?"

Alex roughly turns over to her other side away from Piper.

"Oook, bad week?," Piper does the math, "nope that's not it," she says playfully. She sinks lower into the bed and runs her fingertips along the length of Alex's body. The breeze flows through the window, Piper pulls the excessive amount of sheets over her exposed skin, the sheets overlap slightly onto Alex's body.

"Pipes please it's so hot, "she tosses the sheet away from her body and onto Piper's side.

"What's up Al? The kids fighting still got you heated? We're getting her room ready tomorrow, we can't do anything until then so there's no need to get all upset when we can't..."

"This isn't a bad week for me. I don't think I'll have any more bad weeks," she exhales."Or I'll have an eternal bad week- depends on how you look at it."

Piper hardened her face until she realized what Alex had told her and the muscles around her mouth went soft.

"I haven't gotten a period in three months."

"Maybe you're pregnant."

Alex turns onto her stomach and stretches her arms underneath her pillow and burrows her face in deeper. Piper sits on the small of her back and glides her hands over Alex's shoulder blades and gently squeezes the muscles under the straps of her tank top.

"Al, so what? It's just another part of life." "When did I get this old?"

"You're not old, just older. Think of how much we'll save on Midol and maxi's. No more riding the cotton pony."

"Yeah peace to the red dot special and send in the welcoming committee to embrace my saggy tits," Alex mumbles.

"These," she sneaks her hands underneath Alex's chest and gently squeezes her wife's full breasts, "aren't saggy."

"Yet. And my," she reaches her own hands back to poke her butt but Piper pushes her hands back down to the bed, "neither is your ass. Vause please."

"And," she wiggles slightly to move her hands toward her face, "I've been fighting my skin..." Piper lunges forward and pins her hands down on either side of her face.

"And you win that fight, over and over again. Al you're a fox. A dark haired..."

"Artificially dark haired," Piper moves her hand from holding down Alex's hand to the bed and plunges it over her mouth to stop the disparagement.

"A dark haired fox, with these gorgeous sparkly eyes hidden behind these sexy fucking glasses, with a smirk,that says fuck you, that I want to just slap off your gorgeous little fucking face, and pillowy breasts and an ass that goes on for days."

She feels Alex's mouth move underneath her palm, she raises her hand away from the brunette's face and sees her bite her lip and smirk. She shoves her hand back against her face "and I'm still sitting here waiting, nestled above said perfect ass, for my fucking dance."

She cant hide her smile, though she exhales deeply and shakes her head from side to side, "I know Pipes just bare with me alright?"

"No, I've waited all summer. I'll give you tonight, because it's late and I'm tired. But come morning, you better dig out the stilettos and brush the dust off your jazz hands."

"Okay okay."

"Did you prepare anything?"

"This is not a freaking variety hour, you'll get what you get."

As the second layer of bright purple paint dries, the belongings Harper collected in her five years, are moved little by little. Her clothes from the closet, her dresser, her toys, and of course not without argument some choice items that belonged to both her and Jamie. As the night sky darkened their apartment and her story was through, Piper tucked Harper into bed and closed her light. She wiggled her tooth with her tongue for a while, trying to distract herself from this new eerie silence, the shadow from neighboring buildings, the new arrangement of her things. She walked down to her moms' room,

"mama, can I sleep with you tonight?." She doesn't even need the pout as Alex gladly welcomes her into their bed, she burrows in beside Alex. She absentmindly gently scratches Harper's head while she picks up where she left off in her novel.

"Al!," Piper whines from the doorway as she notes Harper in their bed. She walks over and leans into the bed and sees Harper fast asleep, she glares at Alex.

"She was scared. It's her first night sleeping alone in a new room. I told her just for tonight."

"And this has nothing to do with you avoiding your end of the bet?"

Alex doesn't look up, but just shrugs her shoulder, "happy coincidence."

Alex awakens to Harper's foot in her side. She pinches her toes, causing her to dig her head into Piper's ribcage which causes the blonde to sit up sharply, elbowing their daughter in the face.

"Mmm!," she brings her hand up to her mouth, "my tooth!," she holds it up disregarding any pain from the elbow to her face.

"Oh thank the Lord, go show your brother, he'll be thrilled that its not dangling from your gums anymore."

"Jamie look!," she screeches and barges into his room waking him up.

"Harper! You have to knock, this isn't your room anymore!"

"Sorrrrrrrrry," she says with a bit of an attitude. She closes his door and knocks, "can I come in?"

"No!"

"Jamie!"

He opens his door with a smirk, "lemme see," he says and lowers his bottom lip to mimic the expression he wants Harper to make. "Cool. You have to put it under your pillow or the tooth fairy won't know where to find it."

Piper trudges by to start a pot of coffee.

"Does it have to be the pillow in my room?," she asks Jamie in all seriousness trying to get the details from her oh so wise big brother about this tooth fairy business.

Piper widens her eyes and nods her head at him.

"Yeah, it needs to be the pillow on your bed or she won't know where to find it."

"Do I have to be in my bed?"

He looks up at Piper again who's frantically nodding and then looks down at Harper, "yeah you need to be sleeping in your own bed."

She turns around and sees Piper standing behind her and looks back at Jamie, "is there really a tooth fairy?"

He looks back at her in shock, "yes! Of course."

She pushes her tongue through the new hole in her mouth and looks at him skeptically, "it's not mom?"

"No! Why would you think that? The tooth fairy isn't mom, she doesn't have wings...she can't fly."

He takes the time to convince her that there is in fact a tooth fairy, along with the ins and outs, including all regulations to abide by in order to ensure her visit.

Once she's been settled into bed, she goes back and forth over being brave enough to sleep alone versus trying to convince one of her moms to let her sleep with them while knowingly missing out on having the tooth fairy come into her room. Like the night before, she gets out of bed and stands outside Jamie's door and knocks until he lets her in. She comes to him for comfort and reassurance hoping there's some loophole around having to be in her own room. She tells him that she doesn't care if the tooth fairy finds her, she just wants to sleep with their moms. She holds back her tears and tries to be as brave as she can but with the fear that reads clearly over her face, she's obviously upset as shes been waiting for this tooth to fall out and meet this fairy for quite some time.

He walks her to their moms' room and once again Alex welcomes her in. The lights are shut down in the kitchen, followed by the living room, and eventually the hallway before Piper makes it to their bedroom and sees Harper in their bed again. She's visibly more pissed this time as this is now feeling habitual, when Alex had assured her it would only be one night; she's not interested in the reasons her daughter provided to be promoted to sleeping in their large bed as she's horny and has been chronically deprived of Alex's usual charm.

Piper walks out annoyed and Jamie tells her to give him five dollars and says he'll make sure it looks like the tooth fairy came. He says he'll put some pink glitter near her pillow, take the tooth and leave the money. She rubs his head in loving thanks for his ability help preserve Harper's belief in magical things.

Alex tells Harper to wait in their bed while she goes to talk to Piper. Meanwhile Jamie gingerly passes them in the hallway and goes into their room to calm an audibly distraught Harper. Jamie keeps his arm around her while he explains that because its her first tooth, as long as shes home, she can sleep anywhere but she still has to leave the tooth under her own pillow. She looks at him skeptically again as the rules have suddenly changed and challenges him, saying it's one of their moms who's really the tooth fairy. He tells her to sleep by the door reasoning that they would have to open the door inwardly in order to go to her room, therefore she'd feel the door hit her if either of them tried to get out.

In the hallway Alex's voice deepens as she goes on a rant, "at her age I was worrying about what neighbor was available to watch me while my mom did the graveyard shift at her 2nd or 3rd job of the day. Whether it would be the neighbor who brought over leftovers, you know the kind that tasted like she spent all day cooking, or the one who smoked and talked on the phone all night so my dreams could be intercepted with the reminder that she was in my apartment instead of my mom. Or no, I was busy mastering my walk so that my pants didn't show another inch of my ankle so I didn't have to hear the worry in my mother's voice as she tried to figure out how she was going to take me hunting for new clothes again. So if she wants to cuddle up with us or worry about the God damned tooth fairy, let her! Were obviously doing something right. I'm glad those are her worries, let her have normal five year old concerns!"

Piper nodded in agreement, she put her hand out, palm up, "I need five dollars."

"What?," Alex hisses.

"For Jamie. He said he'd handle the tooth fairy fiasco for Harper."

Like day to night, the brunette's hardened exterior melted, her eyes looked similar to Piper's when she had her whole Bambi shtick going on. Piper leans her head back slightly as she witnesses Alex's 180, "oh God," she mutters, "you're ridiculous. How am I supposed to keep up with you?"

Alex raises her eyebrows and shrugs. She laughs through glossy eyes. "You promised me forever," she says while she grabs Piper's hands.

She pulls Alex in close and drapes her arms around Alex's neck. "I'm sorry if I'm being impatient," Piper says leaning into the brunette's shoulder. Alex let's her hands rest on Piper's waist and subtlety sways her hips back and forth in a slow dance.

Jamie steps out of their room after comforting and setting up Harper on their floor. He stops in his tracks as he sees his moms slowly swaying in the hall. He takes a step back and retreats back into their room.

"Were going out," Piper talks into her shoulder. "I'm calling Nicky and at her first availability, we're getting into some nice clothes and we're going out."

The kids are dropped off at Nicky's with overnight bags while she's filled in on Harper's recent difficulty sleeping in a new space. She catches up with them;

"she's totally moody. For no reason. Like one minute she's laughing at some show and then she snaps and complains that the we leave the refrigerator door open too long when were in the kitchen but then she goes and she stands in front of the freezer with the door wide open," he says completing his rant.

"Aw, well it's summer kid and maybe with more time she's lost her patience with you gremlins," she says as she sprays detangler through Harper's damp hair and tries to comb through it by causing the least amount of discomfort.

"Aunt Nicky do you have a prince?;" Harper asks as her head is pulled back slightly. Nicky's mouth drops open, she smirks to the side, "no."

"I want you to have a prince."

"Can I have a princess instead?"

Harper thinks for a moment, "but why?"

"I like princesses better."

"Alright, what is your princess like?"

"I'm not picky kid, why don't you keep your eyes pealed for me and if you see a good one tell her you have a great aunt who would make her happy okay?"

"Okay!"

"J, any princesses catch your eye lately?"

His face reads a swirl of revulsion and embarrassment, "that would be a no."

She raises her hands in surrender, "alright alright. Princes then?"

"Haha, no," he retorts with a deadpan expression.

"Just assessin my competition Romeo. Does your ma train you to make those faces? Because honestly, it kinda freaks me out."

Alex and Piper are standing by the bar, the pink uplighting gives the room a warm glow. She fans away the sweat that starts to accumulate above her brow after Piper has once again convinced her to dance out her recent frustrations on the dance floor. Pink shines off of Alex's satin blouse, she scratches her nails down her fitted black jeans before hooking an arm around her neck and taking a look around the lounge, she feels slightly out of place.

Piper plays with the button that holds Alex's halter fastened closed, she teases her with the button while she keeps her other hand splayed against her back.

Alex reaches back to grab her thigh and squeezes slightly, "what're you gonna have?"

"Surprise me," she says in Alex's ear and heads to the bathroom.

The bartender sets two drinks on the bar in front of Alex, a younger woman slinks up beside her, "are you a lush or are you here with someone?"

Alex keeps her eyes forward and takes a sip of her drink.

"Well damn if you're not interested all you have to do is say so."

She looks up, and swallows, "me?"

"No the other lady killer behind you."

She smirks at the younger woman, "with someone."

"Yeah?," she asks taking the seat beside where Alex is standing and angles her bent knees in the brunette's direction. "And how attached are you to this someone?," she questions as she rests her hand over Alex's that's leaning against the bar.

"I'd say pretty attached," she looks down blushing as she removes her hand.

"Would you Alex?," Piper's voice comes from behind her.

"So the sexpot has a name," she says practically ignoring Piper's presence.

"She's like 50!," Piper says with a whip of her head, astonished. "Excuse us, we were just leaving." She turns to leave and pushes the strap of her purse up her shoulder. She turns back when she doesn't feel Alex behind her. She sees the brunette trace her finger along the rim of her whiskey tumbler.

"Didn't you just order those drinks?," the woman asks Alex.

"I did," she nods her head once in confirmation and hands Piper the drink she ordered for her. "I did just pay for these," she reasons, highly amused at Piper's displeased expression. Piper's lips tighten into a line before she steps forward to receive the drink and stands as close as humanly possible to Alex without sharing her outfit.

"Attached," Piper hisses toward the other woman and waves her hand around herself and Alex.

The close mouthed smile stretches across Alex's face as Piper positions herself between the two women, somewhat shielding her wife. "Have a good night," Alex tells the other woman in polite dismissal.

Once the woman is at a safe distance away, Piper turns toward Alex who's polishing off the rest of her drink. The look of fire that met Alex's eyes forced her to banish the smirk off her face in order to prevent spewing her drink all over the blonde.

She swallows the contents within her mouth, "I did nothing," she says swinging Piper's lifeless hand in her own.

Piper tongues her cheek, knowing this is true but cant simply shake the jealousy on command.

"Come...," Alex says and drags her wife smoothly across the dance floor and out onto the street, "I owe you a dance."

Alex drags a chair from their dining room table and sets it in the middle of the floor space of their bedroom. She pulls Piper over and has her sink down in the chair, she asks her for a moment to change.

"Oh I get a costume as part of this non-variety hour?"

A few minutes later, she hears the opening chords of a familiar song but she can't place it. She tries to figure out where she knows it from, noting it's burlesque undertone, she settles her back against the chair. She feels Alex's fingers curl around her shoulder as the lyrics play and Alex whispers, "have you ever had the feeling, somebody's watching you?"

The piano keys bang, she squints her eyes,"your friend!... Rachel... with the Ray Romano puppet." Her eyes go wide remembering Rachel's dance as Alex slowly makes her way in front of her. Piper drinks her in in her heels, her long legs shadowed in sheer black tights. Her eyes draw up and meet the zipper that starts at the base of the narrow black pencil skirt and runs, she can only assume, the full length of the fitted garment for the loose white button down man- tailored shirt covers her ass. Her red lipstick makes an appearance after being locked up for far too long. Her hair is tucked away underneath a black fedora her glasses rest at the tip of her nose.

The brunette leans forward, placing her hands on Piper's knees. She keeps her legs straight and presses her ass back, she sways it from side to side before rocking her hips in a singular slow sensuous circle. She steps to the side and takes her time bending down properly while tracing her hand down the length of her leg. She pauses when she reaches her ankle giving Piper a chance to thoroughly take in the sight. Her hand drags up the back of her leg and stops at the bottom of her skirt. She reaches behind and unzips the skirt from the base upward until it's completely undone. Piper catches a piece of the black satin material underneath the white shirt and resists the urge to graze her hands underneath the shirt as Alex tosses the skirt to the side. She slinks her leg over Piper's thighs, and places her hands on Piper's shoulders as she slowly eases lower and lower until the backs of her thighs rest against the blonde's.

"Through the eye of a needle I see you, and make you kiss and tell, oh kiss and tell," the music echoes. She leans in smiling and nips the blondes lower lip between her teeth before giving her mouth a thorough workout.

She breaks their kiss, "is this what you had in mind?"

"You never disappoint."

She hears the satisfaction in the blondes voice as they're pressed against each other, finally. She peers at the thirsty blonde over her glasses before single handedly removing her frames, she folds them and slips them into the neck of Piper's blouse. She drapes her arms around Piper's neck and grinds her ass into the anterior aspects of Pipers tensed legs. The blonde brings her hands up and grasps the collar around the brunette's porcelain neck and pulls her closer.

"What took you so long?," she asks with twinge of mild desperation.

"I've wanted to do this for you, just wasn't feeling like myself," she traces her hand along Piper's inner thigh sending chills over the blonde's body.

Piper's shoulders shake in response to the nails that are now so close to the space that tingles.

She pants out, "but you're back now?"She leans her forehead against her neck and breathes Alex in, she tilts her hips further into the palm of Alex's hand.

She pushes her hand up the blonde's torso and roughly cups the underside of her breast.

She grins at her wickedly, "you tell me," she says with a hoarse rasp.

A small moan escapes from the back of Piper's throat. Alex pulls back slightly to read her eyes, they're lust filled she notes as she runs her fingertips across the brim of her hat before lifting it, allowing her hair to tumble from within and places the hat on the blonde's head. As if there was a magnetic pull, Piper's hands are drawn towards the dark hair that curls slightly at the ends and runs her hands through the strands as Alex leans her chest against Piper. The blonde's eyes don't break contact with the brunette's, she lowers her hands to feel around for the top most button on her wife's shirt; she fumbles before it releases, revealing more of the porcelain skin she so desires to feel against her palms. She unbuttons the second button, and peers into the shirt slightly to see the lacey lines of the black satin lingerie, masking all but the top bit of the long line of cleavage she knows is hidden deeper. Alex dismounts, and turns her back toward Piper. She takes a step away before she slides the shirt over her shoulder and peaks over at Piper. She throws her a wink before turning around to face her, she lets the shirt sink down the full length of her arms before removing it and tossing it to the side.

Piper's hand grazes Alex's hip, her hand rubs delicately along the fabric, "where'd you get this?"

"Your mom's closet," she says while taking a seat on Piper's lap again, her back faces her. She feels the tension in Piper's legs release. She laughs out, "I bought it... too long ago."

"Mmmm," Piper purrs as Alex nestles her knees in between her own and pushes them outward. "It's too darn hot," Ella Fitzgerald sings against the extra beat of the next track. In rhythm with the song, Alex jaggedly bends her body forward, she stretches her long arms toward her ankles, pushing her ass back further into Piper's lap. Piper palms her ass with both hands and smoothes her hands over her back, "I love this," Piper says tracing her hand up and down the ensemble, "I do," she wills on, "but I want it off." She starts to unhook the clasp at the top, when Alex turns around and leans into Piper's knees, she squats lower on the floor. She twists her waist in figure of eights while she eyes the natural V between the blonde's thighs. She eases up and presses her heel into the seat of the chair and lunges forward."I'd like to sup with my baby tonight," the music plays on as she straddles the blonde and grinds herself sexily into her lap. She massages Piper's pert breast upward past the rim of her blouse and takes it in her mouth, she sucks on it at a deliberately slow pace driving Piper mad, "yes... yes you're back," she says with a fistful of dark hair.

Alex continues to suck at the heated flesh before letting the skin go with a pop. She eyes the obvious redness, "well that's going to leave a mark."


	35. Chapter 35

35

Over the course of the year, Alex embraced 50. She only seldomly regarded her tattoos with regret when she wore a sleeveless blouse or when her kids' friends came over to play. She toned her arms with free weights and left a streak of grey through her otherwise dark hair, after Piper's insistence that it would look adorable and Jamie's confirmation that she'd still be a badass if not still "super weird." Piper adjusted her schedule in order to be home earlier on the days their kids didn't have afternoon activities. She was often found dabbling with oils and items of inspiration from around the house to create new scents for the store. Harper took dance twice a week, completing the school year with a three hour dance recital that the whole family endured to watch her six minutes worth of ballet and jazz routines. Jamie completed elementary school and was getting ready to start Junior High. His summer was filled with baseball and soccer camp, figuring out the right amount of hair gel in order to perfectly spike his hair and throwing around in Harper's face that he was the proud owner of a new cell phone, a privilege that his moms emphasized came with earned responsibility. As the end of summer neared Piper repeatedly nagged Jamie to get off his phone and choose electives for the 6th grade but she was often met with a glare or silence; it was a futile discussion as she realized she was on the brink of raising a teenager accompanied with the inevitable trait of selective hearing. Her palms feel clammy as the bag lunch she prepared for him is rejected as he's been informed by older siblings of friends that everybody who's anybody buys their lunch at school. Alex tells her she'll give him money as they split ways and she accompanies him on the subway ride to school. As they're walking up the stairs of the station, his nose is down in his phone as he begins his series of texts to friends. Without looking up, he gently asks if he can walk the rest of the way on his own; she stands on the steps as the commuters of the city brush past her, she watches her son tuck the ten dollars into the pocket of his jeans and run up the stairs leaving her behind.

Piper eagerly awaits his arrival home, hoping his first day at a new school went well, especially after his proclaimed need for independence that she had to read via devastated text from Alex. The clicking from the front door's locks cause her to perk up and meet him at the door. He closes the door with more force than necessary and glares at her.

"You signed me up for French?," he says sloppily kicking off his shoes by the front door.

Her mouth opens but she doesn't know what to say. The blasphemy, how could I do something so heinous? "I'm sorry? Should I not have?"

"Nobody speaks French!"

"Actually entire countries speak French sweet pea. Did everything else go alright?"

He argues with her, his side is laced with attitude and commentary that is completely unacceptable.

"Gimme your phone and computer...now." He'd tried her patience and she'd had enough.

Alex comes home with Harper, Piper is vigorously scrubbing the kitchen counter as she does when she's peeved.

"Bad day?"

She moves around the kitchen opening the fridge to wipe down items that were cleaned the week before when they were originally purchased and catches Alex up to speed on the latest drama. She snatches the dishtowel that's looped through the refrigerator door handle, unfolds it, then refolds it and replaces it through the handle.

"Not to fall into the complete stereotype of conventional 50's marital bliss, but is there any dinner? I'm kind of emaciated."

"You know Al, I'm so freaking pissed right now!," she says as she lifts Jamie's laptop with his phone piled on top and wipes off the counter. She places his electronics back on the counter, she braces herself along the edge and sighs, "I ordered Chinese."

Alex pecks her on the cheek and gently massages her shoulders, "did you get his iPad?," she asks with a slight waver in her tone.

"Ugh! That little shit," she says and tosses the sponge toward the sink.

Alex cant help but chuckle, she assures her she'll get it as she walks toward his room.

She knocks twice while simultaneously welcoming herself into his room.

"Um hello? What's the point of knocking if you don't wait til I say 'come in'?"

"Um hello. Nice to see you too," she says as she pulls his desk chair away from his desk and sits down.

"You're supposed to knock, it's my room," he says defensively.

"Actually it's my room, you're just a temporary inhabitant."

He looks up at her unamused.

"It could be more temporary than originally intended if you look at me like that again," she raises her glasses on top of her head. "Are you serious with that look? I invented that." She folds one leg over the other and massages one of her aching feet that have been mashed into heels all day.

Before she has a chance to ask about his side of events, he takes off with his mother's temper, "She's so unfair... She's so...uptight! Everything I do is wrong."

"Not true."

"She drives me crazy!"

She exudes a small laugh, "me too."

He nods quick, he's always been able to vent to her when he felt Piper made an unfair call, "I don't understand how you deal with her shit."

"Hey, watch your mouth," she snaps in seriousness.

He sinks to the floor in quick defeat, after a while he opens up, "why would she sign me up for French?"

"I believe she asked you to pick electives three times this summer and to keep the school from dropping you and bringing in some other grateful child, she signed you up for stuff she thought you'd like."

He looks at her momentarily, slightly ashamed with himself. He looks away, but nods his head in agreement that she's right, he should've signed himself up. He crawls over to his backpack and exhales,

"seriously though, who speaks French?"

"Uh, I do."

His face contorts before he remembers, "yeah but you speak Spanish too. You both do!"

"Um, neither of us speak Spanish...I can order us dinner, and figure out how to get what I need. Your mom understands much more than she can say, there's a difference."

"Whatever. Anyway, I would use Spanish more."

"I agree, you should take Spanish."

He unzips his bag and pulls out his French workbook and tosses it aside in frustration.

"Why do you really wanna take Spanish?"

"Because I'd actually use it?," he says this with obviousness as if this was entirely ridiculous question.

"You wanna save the attitude?," she takes a pen off his desk and chucks it at him. "I get that you're all testosteroney, but check yourself...before you wreck yourself." She grins cheezily at her own line, she's met again with an unamused glare. "Tell me why really and I'll get your phone back."

He stands up and replaces the pen in the cylindrical jar on his desk before flopping down on his bed. He contemplates telling her...there's no use in lying, he reasons. She can smell bullshit like a shark smells blood his aunt Nicky always reminds him and his sister when they try to hide the evidence of their variant forms of mischief. Either he tells her or he stays mute. But if he tells her, he can have his phone back and maybe just maybe he can find her number or text people to find out other stuff she likes. Dammit.

"Lauren Dolger?," he mutters as he looks up at her with his uncertain, embarrassed blue eyes that match his mom's.

"Ha."

"Ah c'mon," he leans back into his bed and covers his head with his blanket.

Alex squints for a moment while she jogs her memory, "the blonde?," she smirks, "that always has two braids? Dad's a lawyer?"

"She only has one braid now," he mutters. Damn it to hell, he should've stayed silent. She stands up and goes through the books above his desk,

"what're you doing?"

She turns around and looks at him as though she has every right to rummage through his things. "Simmer," she says with a flick of her hand as she pulls his elementary school yearbook from the shelf and returns to a seated position.

"Oh my God, ma!"

She takes her time flipping through pages, pausing every now and then when she finds one of him and turns the book to point him out. She finally finds the girl and smiles,

"nice choice," she nods out.

"Ma!"

Sorry," she hands him the book, "you don't have to tell me anything else," she pauses and looks cocky. "I just might know a thing or two about luring cute blondes."

"Gross."

She laughs smugly and stands up, "I need your iPad."

"What?"

"Hey dude you're the one who spoke back to your mother, that doesn't fly here sorry. Take some time to reflect."

He looks astonished, first he got grief over his new love interest and now more of his personal belongings are being confiscated.

"You'll get everything back at the end of the night, okay? Promise."

He nods his head, while he reluctantly hands over the tablet, "can you at least turn off my phone until I get it back?"

"Why? So we don't see all the suggestions regarding your Rapunzel recruitment from your baby friends?"

"And Finn."

"Finn already knows? Fucking technology," she curses. "Go wash up, were having Chinese, it'll be here soon. Please make sure you apologize to your mother."

Piper sets the bag of Chinese food down on the table while Alex passes out plates from the stack in her arms. Jamie's unusually silent, Piper notes. He doesn't dive into the bag like he normally does and she attributes this to him being pissed at her inability to read his mind. Alex pulls the two cans of free soda from the bag on the table, she offers him the blue can,

"Pepsi?", she asks, and then pulls it back and offers the orange can,

or you'd probably prefer "Crush."

He glares at her, while she pulls her lips in and looks away and tries not to blatantly blurt out his secrets at the table. Harper talks a mile a minute, going on about how much better first grade is compared to kindergarten. Like her brother she was reading above age level and was proud to have been grouped with the other advanced readers during silent reading time. Jamie's phone continues to buzz behind her head, she takes it and looks at the list of texts that clog up his home screen. He all but leaps across the table in attempt to snatch his phone back, the table rocks causing the drinks to slosh. Piper puts her arm across his chest, as if this would do anything to hold him back while Alex takes his phone from Harper.

"Can we just have a nice freaking family dinner?," Piper says annoyed as her kids settle back down and look at her apologetically.

She points her fork at them, "I slaved over this meal," she says with sarcasm.

Later that evening Piper goes through the closet trying to pick out what to wear for the next day, while Alex removes her earrings and sets them down on their bureau.

"So he likes a girl," she tells Piper.

"What? Who?"

"Lauren? The little blonde, she was in his class for a couple of grades."

"Aw, the one with the braids?"

Alex nods with a smile, "mmm hmmm."

"Oh she's so cute!"

"Well apparently she only had one braid today which makes her more mature and appealing and she takes Spanish, hence why being assigned to a French class was the end of the world."

"Crap, well I didn't know."

"We just have to sign some paper saying it's okay that he gets swapped into another class and it's resolved. This has been made into a far bigger deal than necessary. I was thinking I'd barter my John Hancock for his approval to chaperone the 6th grade dance."

Piper starts cracking up as Alex gathers all of his tech stuff and heads to his room to mess with him further. Piper listens for the wail, 5,4,3,2,1.

"Maaaaaaaaa!"

Piper settles lower into their bed, she is beside herself in hysterics. -

After guaranteeing them he'd be home by ten, Jamie set out to meet a group of friends from school to see a movie.

Ten o'clock arrived and as the minute hand on their kitchen clock ticked passed the 6, Piper tried calling him again but was met with several rings followed by his little voice on his voicemail message; the brunette once again presses her hands flat against her temples.

"Al he's fine, he's probably somewhere loud and doesn't hear it ringing."

Alex glares at the blonde. She knows she's nervous too, but she's doing her best to keep her calm. "It's after 10:30! He knows better, he knows he'd be better off calling to say he's going to be late to be granted some sort of leniency, but to just have no regard for the time," she exhales and runs a hand through her hair, "it's not like him," she says with another pace through their kitchen. "Pipes what if something happened to him? I should call the movie house and see if they remember seeing him." She couldn't help but think of all sorts of horrendous scenarios.

Piper's mouth twitched involuntarily, she was completely right. But what were the chances of something bad happening to a group of 12 kids?

"Alex relax."

"Don't tell me to relax," she yells and raises a hand apologetically, "that just makes me more tense."

Piper gets up and sets the kettle on; she removes a box of tea from the cabinet and questioningly gestures to the ranting brunette, inquiring if she wants some.

She pauses to tell her "no."

Harper trudges in and looks up sleepily at Piper while Alex comes to a halt once she notices she woke up their daughter.

"Why are you yelling?," she asks Alex. Piper sits at the table and pulls her up onto her lap; she strokes her hair back before reclining slightly and rests her chin on Harper's head.

"Sorry baby."

"She's just nervous because Jamie is still out with his friends." Her eyes light up, she smiles widely, "is he in big trouble?"

"Yes!," Alex snaps too quickly, causing a rapid erasure of the six year old blonde's grin. She turns around slightly to look back up at Piper having only heard this tone from her mother sporadically.

The kettle whistles, Piper stands up and sits Harper back onto the chair and swaps the earl grey for two bags of chamomile. She contemplates plunking in an Ativan minutes before setting the mugs on the dining room table, and forces the brunette into a chair to sit.

Alex looks at Harper, "consider this your advance warning, if you go out and cannot be bothered to call to tell us you're going to be late, you will regret it. Do you understand me?," she says to Harper and doesn't wait for her daughter's response, as she sips the tea that she could've sworn she didn't need.

Once they've finished their tea, Piper brings Harper back to her room and then rejoins Alex who's now reverted to doing laps around their living room. The locks unclick and the door slowly opens, "crap," they hear him whisper when he notices the lights are on.

Alex all but runs over to him, her hands wander his body to ensure he was unharmed before backhanding him across the back of his head. Piper gasps, "Alex!"

His body stills as his eyes go wide. She'd never laid a hand on him before. "Hope it was worth it."

The back of his head where her ring hit the bone throbs, he brings a hand up and rubs the space underneath his hair.

"I...I'm sorry," he starts but is abruptly cut off. He feels the wind wisp by as Alex hauls toward her bedroom, "go to bed," she shouts from down the hall.

He looks up at Piper, "go," she encourages him and turns the living room light off leaving him in the dark.

His hand traces along the wall for guidance as he walks down to his room, he flicks his light on and gets ready for bed.

A knock on his door causes his heart to drop into his stomach. He begrudgingly walks over to his door, where Harper is found on the other side; she walks in, "you're in so much trouble."

He exhales annoyed but is also relieved it's just her, "shut up Harper," he says not needing a reminder.

She could tell he was upset but she couldn't resist, "mama's really mad."

"I know," he looks at her, "she hit me," he says with a smidgen of disbelief.

"She hit you?," she says completely shocked, "where?"

He rubs a hand from his neck over the back of his head and eventually over his face, he tilts his head back ashamed.

"Sorry," she offers, not knowing what she's supposed to say after watching her brother's face be consumed with remorse.

"I'm gonna be grounded forever."

"Where were you?," she asks with the same fascination she asks with every aspect of his life.

"The movies," he says as he sinks down on his bed next to her.

"Your movie ended at 9," she says repeating what she'd heard 19 times over the last hour.

"Ugh, shut up," he tells her again and rubs his hand messily through his hair. She turns her head to look at him properly and he ends up feeling even worse knowing he was more upset with himself than he was with her.

She feels bad seeing him this way, "did you get to see Lauren?," she asks him, knowing full well more than she should having spent her free time eavesdropping on as many of his conversations as possible.

He looks at her curiously, "yeah," he says and rests his head in his palm, "we were racing cars in the arcade at the movies. I lost track of time."

"Oh," she offers.

"And it looks like I'll be savoring that memory for quite some time," he says miserably.

Piper knocks on his open door and looks at him, "you scared your mother half to death, do you know that?"

He looks up at her, again grateful that it wasn't Alex, but then wrinkles his forehead, "and not you?"

"Nah, I figured you were fine," she says trying to downplay her own fear. "Besides, we still have Harper."

He looks at her, momentarily thankful for her humor while Harper grins up owning her place as the assumed newly favorite child.

"And you," she says pulling Harper off his bed, "need to-go-to-bed." Harper scampers off, while Piper sits on his bed.

"I know you already feel bad, but be prepared," she warns him, having just tried to talk Alex down out of her anger. "You have no idea, the thoughts that ran through her head, both of our heads, but especially hers."

"I was fine," he starts.

"But we didn't know that. You should've called. "

He nods already knowing this, but once he'd realized how late he was, he decided to delay the inevitable.

"Her mind is going to go to places that we never want you to even be aware of. Don't do this ever again."

"Why do you automatically assume the worst?"

"She's seen things," she corrects herself, "we both have, that we can't avoid automatically thinking that someone bad got a hold of you. You don't know what that feels like."

"And are you guys ever going to tell me about those things? You never tell me anything."

"Today is not the day," she says patting his knee and stands up, "don't do it again."

The month goes by and Jamie is all too familiar with every paint chip on the wall, crack in the ceiling, and could swear he could give an almost exact number of the planks of wood that line the floors of their apartment. He approaches Alex with hopeful resistance, as she prepares dinner in their kitchen.

"Ma?"

"Hmmm?," she says without looking up from her cookbook.

"Since I have to come straight home and I'm not allowed to go over anyone's house, can Lauren come over tomorrow?"

She opens her mouth to almost immediately protest about the nerve he has within himself, when he continues,

"just to work on a project for Spanish."

She looks at him skeptically, "you got paired together?"

"We were able to choose partners."

"Like you chose to not call when you were going to be late?"

He turns on his heel and begins to walk away, he fights the burn in his eyes brought on by guilt that still seemed so recently present.

"C'mere," he hears her call him back.

She honestly hadn't decided when his grounding would be over, but he hadn't been home late all month and she knew in general, the added grief that she'd given him, really hadn't been necessary.

"Yes, she can come over after school."

His face lights up, have the clouds finally parted?

"Your door is to remain open, and you call me when you guys get here," she says as tomorrow is a day that both she and Piper both get home later than him.

"Well she has violin lessons right after school so she won't come until after that."

"Even better," she concludes, "is she having dinner with us?," she asks with a look that makes him feel like she's up to something.

"Yes?"

"Okay," she tries to calmly say to him, hiding her excitement.

He thanks her and calls the girl he's been deprived of having any social time with over the last four weeks. His phone call is nearing an end when he hears the Boriqua Anthem playing from his parents bedroom.

He walks through their open door, and stares at both of his mothers who try to look at him more seriously but fail miserably through their hysterical laughter. He doesn't even want to ask and walks back out.

"Al," Piper tries to reason with Alex who is practically giddy.

"I'm doing this," she says as she continues to create a playlist of music created by various Hispanic artists.

The following evening he sits at their dining room table doing homework making small talk with Piper as Alex comes home with several bags and...

"what is that?!," he says standing upright.

"A piñata," she says with a wide open mouth mocking his expression.

"Oh my God, you're not."

"Oh but I am," she confirms and practically skips to their iPod dock and begins her playlist.

Enrique Iglesias' "Rhythm Divine," pumps through the speaker, this has to be a coincidence, he thinks as he hurries over to the iPod dock. He hits the next song, Shakira's "Rabiosa," Pimpinela's "Dimelo Delante de Ella," Juanes' "La Camisa Negra."

"You've got to be kidding me!," he says still squatted by the blaring music.

"I wish I was," Alex replies sarcastically.

He continues flipping through the music, Daddy Yankee's "Rompe", "Bailamos," "Loca." "How many of these are there?!," he demands to know with panic in his voice.

"Enough to get through the evening," she responds, "can you help set the table?," she asks him motioning to one of the bags that she set next to his unfinished homework.

He peers into the bag, "you got tacos?," he asks through gritted teeth.

"I did," she says proudly, "you know to keep with the theme."

She starts unpacking various cultural tchotchke's to fill the piñata.

"You cannot do this to me!," he protests as he watches her pull a Spanish/English dictionary from the bag and place it into the piñata.

"Excuse me, did we get you transferred into the Spanish class you just had to be in?," she asks while withdrawing a Barcelona soccer jersey from the bag and adding that to the piñata as well.

"Yes but..."

"Did we even take away your phone or your laptop or your iPad this time? Ugh you're so spoiled."

"No, but...," he says with hyperventilation as a Chilindrina DVD, and Latin American candies are added to the piñata.

"Then zip it," she says drawing her fingers over her lips and raises her arms in a Flamenco stance.

His hands grasp his face as she lights two tall candles with saints plastered on the side, and sets them on the table.

"Those are Catholic saint candles!," he says two seconds from losing his mind, "they're not even Spanish!"

"Are you trying to educate me?," she asks. "They're popular in Latin culture. I got them from El Mercado Latino," she says flicking her hand in justification.

"Why are you trying to kill me?," he begs now leaning into her.

"To make sure you never forget to call home again."


	36. Chapter 36

Turchina84- is that not what everyone's brain does daily? Lol. Piper is such a fun and complex character to work with, loved giving her inner monologue

17vauseman17- I love when people point out their favorite parts and it's interesting that you found multiple nostalgic pieces in this one chapter (hadn't realized there were multiple things but there were! This story is interwoven so many times, I failed to notice.) I remember people feeling very attached to the vase the first time around, much more than I expected. Fucking Sylvie.

Sandfromoz- thank you so much, working on it

Acanofbeans- glad you found the last "cute." Lol. Sure. Next 5 for me were among the harder ones to write but found the most fulfilling. Enjoy. Lemme know what you think.

* * *

36

"Your moms are great," Lauren tells him, flopping down on the floor of his bedroom room with a fistful of Latin American candies.

His hand rests on his bedroom door; he's about to shut it when he remembers his mom's rule from the night before. But that was when she thought they'd be home alone, she probably wouldn't care since she and Piper were in the apartment. What could she possibly do to make this night more embarrassing? Put a fruit bowl on her head like Carmen Miranda and call him "Hi-may?" Yes. Yes, she could and after this night, he wouldn't put it past her. He opens his door open as far as it can go.

She tries to restart the conversation as he has just been looking into the air for a solid minute, "you don't think so?"

He kneels in front of her and looks at her oddly, having just barely survived one of the most embarrassing dinner's of his life. "Are you queer?," he asks her with complete disbelief.

Her eyes go wide as her fingertips futz with the hairband that holds her braid together, her face tightens with discomfort, "don't say that word."

He felt scolded. Were all the females in his life meeting secretly to make his stomach invert on itself? He quirks an eyebrow.

"My dad says it's impolite."

"What? 'Queer?'"

She nods. "It's disrespectful... you know, towards...well,... people like your moms."

"My moms use it as a way to describe themselves, they're not hurt by it."

She leans forward, interested at this.

He felt a slight awkwardness, almost defensive. But she was trying to respect his mothers, there was no reason to explain anything to her. "Anyways, I just meant... I just find it odd, that after they clearly went out of their way to make this evening awkward for you and me both, your word to describe them is ' _great_.'"

Lauren shrugs her shoulders, "I think that was the first time I've ever been offered to take a whack at a piñata instead of being offered a piece of cake."

He rubs a hand over his face, "I'm so sorry. Seriously."

"I definitely wasn't expecting all this. If you'd told me, I would've skipped my violin lesson," she laughs out. "They just seem so ...," she pauses trying to come up with the right word.

"White?," he tries to help.

She chuckles, "I was thinking 'involved?' My dad knows what's going on with me don't get me wrong, he just works really long hours. Like he would've been too tired to make such a festive evening if I said I had someone coming over."

"Again, I'm sorry for the whole hooplah. It's like they get some weird enjoyment out of seeing how much I can take."

"It was really fun," she says and places her hand on his shoulder, "stop apologizing."

He feels his skin line with goosebumps. He stands up and rearranges some items on his desk. "Do you uh, do you want something to drink?"

"Are you kidding?," her eyes light up with wonder."I just had like three of those Tamarindo Jarrito thingies," she says with a smile.

He gets his Spanish textbook from his shelf and the oak tag Piper picked up for their project on Antoni Gaudi. "Right," he says, of course she doesn't want anything else to eat or drink, you idiot. "So do you know anything about this Gaudi guy?"

"Just that he designed a bunch of artsy buildings in Spain. Isn't your mom some kind of architect or something?"

"Architectural designer," he corrects her with the same tone Alex usually used when people confused her occupation.

"Soooo, she'd probably know a lot about this stuff, right?"

"No," he answered almost too quickly, "I- I don't know, let's just look him up okay?," he says pulling his laptop down onto his lap. He turns it on. He stares at her momentarily, with an apologetic look across his face, "it's loading."

She nods, her lips pull to the side and looks around his room. "Your room...your whole house smells really good," she offers.

"My mom's store... her candles... _not_ the saint candles, but the green one, it's juniper, from her store."

"Oh," she offers with a small smile seeing he's still embarrassed.

Someone walks past his room but it isn't clear who, until the rasp calls, "James?," from somewhere else in the apartment.

He excuses himself and offers Lauren the computer. He finds Alex, "you're sitting on your floor."

He looks back at her, _duh_?

"Offer her a pillow or something ya doof."

"Now you're concerned about impressions? She's obviously crazy, sitting through that...," he shakes his head motioning in the direction of their dining room table. "Were fine," he says and walks away.

He pointedly walks through the living room to grab a couch pillow, damning himself internally for not having the sense to have offered this girl somewhere more comfortable to sit. He glares at Piper on the way, for having allowed the charade. She caresses his head, he pulls away abruptly. He sits back down on his floor next to the girl that makes him second guess the perfection of his hair and offers her the pillow to sit on.

"Thanks," she says and sits, with her legs bent underneath herself, on top the pillow.

Harper comes in and sets a photo album down beside him, with an un-used candle propped on top. His eyes widen, he can't remember if that's an album of baby pictures or of his moms from when they traveled together.

"Mommy said you could use the pictures in there, but just make sure they have two before you use them," she says and skips out.

He exhaled relieved. He picked up the candle that weighed on the album cover. A green candle. That smelled of juniper. His stomach tensed. "I guess this is for you," he offers her the candle still with some annoyance that his family was eavesdropping on them.

"Cool, thank you!," she sniffs it, "yeah this is totally what your room smells like," she bites her lip realizing how excitedly she said those words.

They looked through the pictures page by page, identifying those with similar images to the ones that they found on the internet.

"They traveled all over the place," she tells him as he glues a photo to the board while she flips through another page of the album.

"Yeah," he agrees, not wanting to get into the tension he experienced every time he asked them for further details about those times. He looks through a few more pages with her, while extracting relevant photos; he looks at Alex's face and laughs, "she looks pissed off. My mom must've made her take all of these pics."

"She has the coolest hair!," Lauren says out loud looking at a pic of Alex's pin up style.

He stops what he's doing to take a look at the picture she's referring to, having never noticed anything special about his mother's hairstyle.

"I only know how to do a braid or throw it up," she stops realizing she's ranting to this boy about her hair, "sorry," she says looking self conscious.

"I like your braid," he offers awkwardly.

She draws her lips in and fights force of her mouth upturning. They work on their project, exchanging further conversation while they work. They hear the buzzer from the intercom ring, and moments later Piper knocks gently on Jamie's door, "Lauren, your dad's here."

Jamie helps her pack up her backpack and walks her out to where her father waits near his front door. The older man expresses his appreciation for allowing the kids to do their homework in their home and for making sure his daughter was fed.

"And the candle," Lauren adds with a glance of appreciation toward Piper as she raises up her parting gift. Her dad takes her backpack and wraps his arm around her shoulders as they walk out. Jamie can hear the echo of her father's voice, "...have a party or something?," as Piper shuts and locks their door.

"She's very sweet baby."

"Yeah, yeah, " he replied not wanting to get into all the crap they'd given him since Lauren apparently had a great time. "Can she come over later in the week? We didn't get to finish and it's due Monday."

"You didn't finish? You were in there for 3... sure, she can come over."

He goes to his bedroom and comes back to the living room to replace the photo album on the shelf.

"She's coming back huh?," Alex pipes up.

"Mmmhmmm," he muttered. He wanted to throw in her face that her plan failed to humiliate him entirely, since his love interest requested completion of their project at his apartment again. "She weirdly likes it here."

Alex hooks her arm around Piper's neck and pulls Jamie in toward them , "and could you blame her?"

He wiggles free from the forced embrace, "yeah, she told me her dad works a lot, and that she thought "my moms were great," he looks at them baffled.

Alex elbows Piper in her side as Piper rubs a hand over the arm that's still hanging over her shoulder.

He rolls his eyes, "told her I had a spare; that she could take either of you."

"What? Her mom's no fun?"

He twists his mouth, "she passed away when she was little. And then I felt like a jerk," he says shaking his head. "She doesn't really remember her."

"Shit," Alex says while Piper raises a hand to her mouth. "Really?," the brunette continues, "poor thing."

"Yeah, she said her aunt is around a lot but, it can't be the same," he says shrugging his shoulders. "Anyways, good night."

Their son retreats back to his room while Alex takes a seat at their dining room table. Piper kneels forward on an adjacent chair and watches the frustration at the injustice take over her wife's face. This feeling of unfairness regarding the of loss of a mother at a young age, was too familiar, that, and the prospect that this girl only had one parent left and he worked long hours, most likely leaving her often alone.

"I knew she seemed a bit mature," Alex verbalized her thoughts. "I mean granted the kid's not in squalor, probably living on Park Avenue with a doorman, but fuck, " she exhales.

Piper placed her fingertips atop the brunette's head and spreads them out massaging her scalp.

"Do you think they realize, while we may be slightly annoying," she says lifting the Chilindrina DVD, and rests her opposite hand over Piper's chuckling mouth, "that that annoying presence is a good thing?"

Piper removes Alex's hand from her mouth, "honestly? I think it's something that's regarded as an inconvenience or it's simply taken for granted until it's gone."

Alex slowly nodded.

"Nicky told me to buck up when I used to bitch about the shit my mother went on about, when she came for visitation."

"You still bitch about her," she says looking at her wife sideways.

"I know. It's a bad habit, alright? It's a weird fortune to have her claw her way back into my life every time I create this distance."

"I'm immune to your princess act, no need for justification." She rests her head on her crossed arms on their table, "you know you'd think by now, I'd be a bit better. Like I wouldn't miss her as much."

Piper tightens her lips.

Alex can't help but huff amusedly at Piper's expression, "that's the same face your mother made when I told her I missed my mom."

She immediately changed her expression to one of shock. "You talked to her? About your mom?"

"Yeah," Alex said through the crooked lips that were still pressed against her arm, "a looooong time ago."

The blonde's back straightens as she withdraws her hand from the comforting strokes she'd been providing. "When was this?"

Alex's head comes up, and looks slightly depressed at the loss of contact, "the day we told your folks they were going to be grandparents. I'd stepped away to clear my head, and your mom told me that I'd be alright, that though the pain wouldn't really ever go away, I would be okay. She was just...comforting," she said matter of factly.

Piper releases her trapped breath, "why is she just so pleasant with everyone else but finds something to nag me about every time we share a morsel of atmospheric space?"

"Can you shut the fuck up? Seriously."

Piper's eyes widen at the blunt request. "Fuck is shut up," she whispers as she takes Alex's hands in her own.

"She's twisted," she says as she tries to pull her hands free from Piper's grasp but the blonde squeezes harder and she relents, "I'll give you that. I don't get her all the time, her avoidance of all things imperfect, and her criticisms, I'm in total agreement with you there. But she's a heck of a grandmother and she's always been there for you, despite her comfort. Despite what lies she told the other Stepford wives..."

Piper releases a cackle.

Alex finishes, "... she was there."

"I know," she confesses ashamed despite her lifetime of indignity around her mother.

"Sorry," Alex tells her, "I know she isn't perfect, neither was mine. But fuck if she didn't do what she could with the circumstances."

"Talk to her then," Piper encourages her. "If she was here, right now, what would you talk about?"

Alex shakes her head, "she's not here though...," her voice trails off with sadness of the reality. "But she comes to you at times, right? Just talk to her as if she was here."

She blinks and looks crossly at the blonde who's staring at her awed. "And you're going to listen to me? Essentially, watch me, have a conversation with myself?"

"I can talk too."

Alex sits back in her chair and exhales, "it doesn't work like that." She picks at the dirt underneath her nail and flicks it, "I mean aside from talking to her, I just wish Jamie and Harper got to know her."

"Of course. You know, just because she's not here doesn't mean we can't implement things into their lives that you think she would've made sure happened for them. Like if she had them, what do you think she'd do with them?"

Alex smiles at the fantasy, "well first off they'd have to go through a detox anytime they came home from being with her because I was essentially raised on fast food and Cheetos."

Piper mirrors the smile displayed across her wife's face. "Okay, what else?"

She hooks her hands behind her head, her elbows flare out to the sides, "I don't know Pipes, she just talked to me, like I was one of her girlfriends," she smiles slightly. "Like I could come to her with anything, and she really listened. She didn't judge me, even if I was wrong, she always had my back," she looks up into her head. "I don't know how to necessarily make them feel like they can do that with me."

"Well I think it's been established, that when something is hidden, instead of coming forward with whatever the issue may be, like knowingly running late and choosing to prolong the issue, it's going to blow up in their faces. Big time. What else?"

She mulls memories over in her head. Piper watches as she licks her lips, the index finger taps their table, "Fridays," she starts as she turns toward Piper bending a leg underneath herself, "she'd work the 3 to 11 shift, so I'd go with her to work, after she picked me up from school. I'd do my homework in the back, ass around for a while and as the restaurant emptied out, we'd get a booth, one for a couple, and she'd get me a chocolate Fribble and we'd play 50's jukebox songs and sing really loud," she says with a huge smile, "those were her favorite songs."

"So having dessert together while listening to bad music?"

She shoves her, "it wasn't bad music. It was like Doo Wop and Elvis."

"Well, you've always got your junk playing around the house, I'm sure Jamie would love a copy of the Spanish playlist next time we sit down for dessert."

Alex snickers, "yeah." Her face darkens, "something I don't want to pass down... I don't want them to have this false idea of what's really true. She did that...with my dad...and it was a huge disappointment, learning that this person was someone else," she shuts her eyes tight and then looks straight into Piper's eyes, "I feel like a hypocrite." Piper looks over her face and understands the feeling completely. "I've been saying forever, we're not telling them things because they're too young to understand, but we both know that's not it."

"Everyone has things they don't want their children to know about. Things they aren't proud of."

"I don't want to keep avoiding it though," she concludes leaning forward on her propped up hands, "whatever either of them ask me, next time, I'm telling them."

"Al..."

"Not everything, just pieces at a time, just what they ask. I can't ask them to be forthright with me and then not give them the same." The brunette looks up at Piper who takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly; her blue eyes meet her own, in agreement. "What about you? Is there anything that went on in your family that you'd actually like to keep going? Traditions?"

Piper's teeth clench together, she forces a hideous smile, "meeeh, you know," she says. "You know what, yes, going to performances. I want to make sure they see live performances and we haven't taken Harper to a big show yet." Her mind trails off, revolving around countless family outings to the theater. "I remember getting dressed in fancy clothes and going to dinner, getting some new exciting food, ordering a special drink, buying candy on the corner before we went inside to be seated- it was a whole big event."

"Can we go to a diner before the show? One that has a juke box in the booth?" Piper shakes her head no, "after the show, for milkshakes or dessert."

Alex smiles at her gratefully, "thanks." -

* * *

They're seated at their table for pre-theater dinner. They'd made it a point to dress up for Harper's first time seeing a show on Broadway. Alex chuckles as she watches their daughter loop her purse, loaded with chapstick, her own ticket, and several Werther's candies, all deemed essential by Piper, on the back of her chair. The waiter pushes her chair in and drapes a napkin over her velvet dress. Her patent leather clad feet swing underneath the table as she's finally considered old enough to sit through an entire production.

"Can I start you off with some drinks?," their waiter asks.

"Chardonnay?," the blonde raises an eyebrow checking if that's alright with her wife who's straightening the bow in their daughter's, for once, tamed hair. The brunette nods.

"Two glasses of chardonnay and two Shirley Temple's please." The waiter nods and walks away.

"Shirley what?," Jamie asks Piper.

"Hush, you'll like it. Look at the menu, figure out what you want to order."

The waiter sets their drinks in front of them, and takes their food order.

"It has fizzies!," Harper discovers brightly.

Piper watches both of their kids move their straws about their glasses of red liquid, as she once did as a child; softly giggling as they try to get the cherry that has settled to the bottom to come to the surface. This kind of 'special,' is what she remembers.

"Remember when you took me to the Gramercy Tavern? Before The Nutcracker?," she asks Alex in her pre-theater memory stupor. She'd been so excited to be taken out to see a show on a big stage again versus watching a miniature college production.

Alex smirks, "of course."

"What's so special about the Gramercy Tavern?," Jamie asks as his mother's look lost in their nostalgia.

"She took me on a date there," she tells him.

His leans forward intrigued. "Was that the first time you went out?," he asks somewhat surprised that they finally shared a piece of information about one of their past dates.

"No, that was already a few months in," she nods and takes a sip of her wine.

"Well, where'd you go on your first date? No," he tries to collect himself and ask a question of higher priority, "where did you first meet?," he looks back and forth between his mothers with his mouth hanging open slightly, waiting for either of them say anything.

Alex glances at Piper and takes a breath, "we met at a bar," she exhales and smiles tightly with open eyes.

"Your tongue is red!," Harper points at her brother's tongue, as it practically hangs out of his mouth, his dumbfounded expression makes her laugh momentarily before she wonders, "what's a bar?"

"It's a place grown up's go to have drinks," the brunette explains. "Okay," he waves his hand at the definition of a bar, "so then what?"

"Your mom walked in and ordered a drink," Alex chuckles and continues, "and I thought she was very pretty," she says leaning in towards Harper, "so I went up to her and asked her to come with me and some of my friends so we could get to know each other a little better." Harper smiles up at her and takes a sip of her drink.

"That is not what happened," Piper says amazed by the misconstrued relay of events. Alex's face is paler than it naturally is.

"What really happened!?," James now turns his attention to Piper. He's gnaws at his straw.

She points her finger at Alex, "she teased me! About everything she could. I was trying to get a job at that bar. She made fun of all the things about me that were on a piece of paper I gave to a man who worked there. And then, she made fun of the drink I ordered _and_ she called me Laura Ingalls Wilder."

Alex cackles as she sits back still satisfied with her pick up line, "man that never gets old."

Jamie looks at Alex completely confused, "who's Laura Ingalls Wilder?"

She continues laughing, "your mom." Piper looks over her shoulder before dipping her finger into her ice water and flicking it at the laughing brunette.

"No," she says catching her breath, "she's an author and the character of her own book series about growing up in the country. Your mom's dress looked like she grew up on a farm."

Piper glares at her with pursed lips. "Well it was nice enough that you came over to talk to me." Their food is placed on the table in front of them.

"Yeah," she huffs, "it was the dress," she tells her sarcastically.

"Did you have a dress too?," Harper asks her biting into a potato fingerling. Alex wrinkles an eyebrow, "yeah, I had on a dress."

"And blue hair," Piper adds.

Both their kids' mouths drop open.

"It was a long, long, long time ago," Alex tries justifying her artistic choices.

"Can I have blue hair?," Harper asks sitting up straight.

"No, you may not," Alex quickly answers her.

"Aw," she settles back down.

Alex exhales a small sigh of relief as she forks some food into her mouth and looks at her wife. They continue filling in, the much sought after blanks of that evening, happy to finally bring some more awareness of their past into their children's lives.


	37. Chapter 37

37

"Do me a favor and wait a few hours...," she hears Piper say as she rolls her eyes at her mother on the phone. "Yeah and that's all I need, dad in a knee cast and you in a back brace." An open invitation she thinks as the blonde bends her neck to cradle the phone between her ear and her shoulder. "I'll be there in a few hours, I'm checking the train schedule now," she says swatting Alex away from the nibbles she's making at her neck. "Yeah she'll come with the kids Friday once they're out for the day." She writes down a few train times and powers down the computer while her mother rambles on at the other end.

"Yeah well it's Pirate Week at school for Harper and Jamie has a trip. I'll be murdered if I pull them out."

Alex takes the post-it with the train times, looks it over, then looks at the clock.

"Good good, I'm sure they'll catch you up to speed once they're there."

Piper ends the conversation, and heads to their hall closet to get a roller bag.

"You have time for dinner before you go?," Alex inquires as Piper digs out a large suitcase from their closet. "Why are you taking that one? Take a smaller one."

"I need the bigger one for their stuff. I can eat something if it's quick."

"I'll bring their things up when we come on Friday," she says making her way toward their kitchen. She opens and closes the freezer and throws something in the sink.

"You're gonna take both of them and all of their stuff all those blocks to the car?," Piper shouts to make up for the increased distance.

"No, they'll carry their own crap. Stop worrying about us and get your stuff ready," she shouts until she realizes Piper is standing behind her in the kitchen holding a smaller bag, to see if it meets approval. "Better," the brunette nods, "how'd your mom sound on the phone?"

"Ah you know, trying to act like everything's fine, but she's too fragile to try to move my dad around," she stands over Alex's shoulder to see what's being defrosted under the tap in the sink. "Glad I can go up," she says as Alex turns over her shoulder and pecks her on the cheek. She makes her way to their bedroom and stops in their main bathroom while Jamie heads into the kitchen,

"can we get a dog?," he asks Alex.

"No," she says without offering an explanation. She makes sure Piper is out of sightlines before throwing the chicken in the microwave for faster defrosting.

"Why not?"

"Who's gonna take care of it?," she asks opening the doors of their cabinets in search of particular ingredients she needs to prepare their dinner.

"I will."

Her head comes from behind a wooden door, "and when you're in school all day and at soccer til 7 at night, who's going to take care of it then?"

"I'll take it for a walk when I get back."

She crouches down to a lower cabinet and looks through some cans, whispering under her breath, reminding herself what she's looking for before she forgets, "corn, corn, corn, so this dog is going to hold it's pee for 12 hours?"

He pauses for a moment to think, "we can get a dog walker."

She passes him the can, "oh, you have a hundred dollars a week for a dog walker?," she sets a can opener next to him a moment later.

"A hundred dollars!?"

"Bingo. You can't afford a dog right now and we just don't have the time."

 _And that conversation is over._ "What are you making?"

"Chicken and salad."

"Ugh."

Her head peers over her shoulder from the fridge throwing him the 'really child?' look.

"Can't we have something else?," he whines.

"Sure...if you make it."

He starts toward the top of the fridge but she clasps his hand, "something other than cereal and toast."

"I don't know how to make anything else."

"Well then it sounds like it's the perfect time to open a book."

"I'm already reading "Waiting for Godot," he says dully.

"Mmph, that's an awful novel."

"I feel like I'm waiting for my life to end."

She laughs, "there's a good monologue in there, but that's about it," she says rinsing off the lettuce. "I'll get you a better one," she tells him as she wipes her hands off and walks over to peruse the bookshelf. She frowns slightly but decides to pull 'The Scarlet Letter' from the overflowing, compact space. She places it on the table in front of him.

He lifts the book up and looks at her, "but you said I couldn't read this one."

"You can now."

He nods his head grateful for her book recommendation as he's yet to read through one that he hasn't enjoyed.

"Despite if I think your school book is brainless, make sure you finish reading that one, don't fall behind."

He looks at her, as if he doesn't need a lecture, "I can handle it," he says and heads off to his room, turning the book over and reads the back.

"I hope you can," she says to herself.

Meanwhile in the bathroom...

"What are you doing?," Piper asks as her daughter sitting on the sink, rubbing a solid powder stick against her armpit.

"Putting deroderodent," she says matter-of-factly and continues the up and down motion while she looks into the mirror.

"First of all," she takes away the deodorant, "this one's for men."

"Jamie's not a men."

"Man, she corrects her, "and he's a young man."

"Why does he get to use it?"

Hmmm, "to make sure he's not smelly," she whispers.

"Cause sometimes he smells like an onion?"

"Harper," she shakes her head unimpressed with her daughter's lack of tact, "yes."

"If I smell like an onion I can use it?," she asks as she's lowered off the sink.

"If and when you do, you can use it then. Not today."

* * *

"Ma, where's my lunch?," he says staring at her lunchbag and Harper's lunchbox sitting on the counter, ready to go.

"WHAT?," she shouts from the back of the apartment, "I thought you had to buy your lunch?"

"I have a trip today."

She comes rushing toward the kitchen and pulls open the drawer with saran wrap and aluminum foil, "what trip?," she asks having forgotten it was today. She smacks the aluminum wrap on the counter, "make a hook."

"Ahhhh, I gotta goooo."

"Ahhhh," she yells back and quickly tears the tag off the bread and untwists the bag that she had put away ten minutes earlier.

He bunches a wad of the foil and curls the end and runs off.

Alex slaps together a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, dumping random snacks into a bag for him and hooks it on the front door not knowing where he managed to run off to.

"Arrr," Harper growls at her with her tin foil hand.

"Arrr, Deckswabber Lemonhead," Alex curls her pointer finger back toward Harper. She hooks her daughters lunchbag and gives it to her.

"Bye ma!," he yells from near the front door grabbing the plastic bag with his last minute hodge- podge lunch.

"Um, hello?!," she shouts back toward the voice.

His feet clap quickly at the floor, "what?"

Her elbow dig into her sides, her arms are stretched outward, _how can you just leave?_ "Oh sorry," he says leaning into her for a quick sorry-filled hug, "love you, bye." -

Around one o'clock in the afternoon, her phone rings at work,

"ADI, Alex speaking, how can I help you?" "Mrs. Vause?"

"Yes?"

"This is principal Torre..."

"Oh God, is everything okay? Is James alright?"

"He's fine, I have a couple of things that I'd rather discuss with you in person if that's possible. Are you available?"

Within the hour, he can hear her long gaited steps from down the hall. She stops next to him in the office and asks him if he's alright. He nods, somewhat feared, she trudges over and lets the secretary know she's arrived.

In his principal's office, she's told that her son was caught kissing Lauren on the back of the bus on their way back from their school trip. While she's unsure what to say as she personally isn't bothered by this, she doesn't want to disregard this with nonchalance and have her kid's principal think she's devoid of morality. His voice breaks her trance, "...and is being invited to be a part of the National Junior Honor's Society, you should be proud." She's handed a regal looking folder, she stares over the shiny gold emblem pressed into the center. Principal Torre slowly opens the folder that rests in her hands, and pulls out the parental consent, urging her to formally accept the membership. "He clearly shows academic promise. I'm just concerned about the conduct," he says leaning back into his desk. Her hand covers her mouth and pulls slightly at her bottom lip. "They're kids, I understand, just some discretion."

"I'll talk to him. Thank you." In the car...

"I don't care," she tells him so his back could become less rigid and actually lean against the seat of the car.

"You don't?," he asks her surprised while leaning back more relaxed. "Wait, are you gonna tell mom?"

"I don't know... why are you kissing this girl on the back of the bus? Was that the first time..."

"Please don't ask me details."

"Do you want me to tell mom or not?"

"Yes, it was the first time."

"James, have I taught you nothing? That's not romantic."

"We were playing truth or dare."

"So she kissed you on a dare?"

"No, well yes, technically. But a bunch of the girls wouldn't kiss the boys they were dared to kiss."

"But she didn't back off?"

"No, she just wanted to go under my jacket."

"So you put your jacket over the two of you?"

He looked at her and nodded hesitantly, not knowing if that was a good move or not.

"Ok you're slightly redeemed." She makes the turn to head toward Harper's school. At the light, she reaches back for her bag, and pulls out the NJHS folder and plops it on his lap, "nice work."

He opens the folder and reads through the generic congratulatory letter. "I got in," he says under his breath. He sifts through the folder, as Alex pulls up to a red light, swiftly removes her seat belt and takes the "My Child is a National Junior Honors Society Scholar" bumper sticker and attempts to jump out of their car with intent to adhere the sticker.

"Ma no!," he grabs her arm and puts his full body weight into pulling her back in the car, "that thing is social suicide, please don't stick it on the car."

She's about give her counter argument, but she remembers the kids who had those stickers on their cars growing up, getting teased, regardless if it was malicious jealousy or taunting for genuine nerdiness. She sets the sticker down and gives his knee a squeeze of reassurance, "I'm proud of you," she tells him simply as she ruffles his hair and looks him over before forcing herself to shift her gaze on the road and wait for the light to turn green.

"You are?"

She's slightly taken aback, _does he not know?_ "Yeah kid," in every way possible, "you're doing really well. Junior high isn't easy."

"Well it's not like I have choice, you and mom would kill me if I didn't do well."

"Well, we expect you to do your best. And your best just happens to be up there. So yeah, if we think you're not giving it your all, we're going to be upset."

He nods and looks over his acceptance letter once more.

She pulls up to Harper's school and puts the car into park, "just because we expect you to do well, doesn't mean you will. This," she says lifting the sticker from where it's resting on the console, "this is all you." She bends it back and forth in her hands, "can I at least stick this in my office? Or is that too embarrassing as well?"

"No, that's fine. Ma?"

"Yeah?," she says still looking at the sticker.

"What if I fail?"

She looks up and over at him, "fail what?"

"Anything."

" _Did_ you fail something?," she asks gently.

He shakes his head, "no,... but what if I do?"

"You will... _everyone_ fails... at something."

"You failed something?"

She looks at him astonished, and laughs out, "are you freaking kidding me kid?"

His eyebrow raised, did she just ask me that sarcastically because I just acted as if she was anyone else? Or has she failed at lots of things and thinks I'm crazy for not realizing this?

She raises an eyebrow back at him. _Uh, genius? How could he possibly know you've failed at anything? You haven't exactly let him in._ "Yes, I've failed," _see, that wasn't so_ _bad_ , "at plenty of things."

"Really? Like what?," he asks enthusiastically.

Her pulled lips accompany her glare at her son's eagerness to learn of her failures.

She unbuckles her seatbelt and shifts her position toward him. She looks into his face, _do I just tell him? Do I throw everything down right now and just come clean?_ His eyes match the innocence that Piper once had as she lingered onto every word that the brunette let spill from her lips.

"I lost your mother once," she tells him.

He pushes himself lower into the bucket seat of the car, and props his feet on the dashboard and looks at her, "what do you mean you lost her?"

"I wasn't a good girlfriend, sooo I lost her...more than once actually."

He looks at her surprised, "you mean, she left you?"

"I didn't know what I was doing," she laughs, "sometimes I still feel like I don't. I didn't know how to show her how important she was to me."

He takes a while to say anything. "Some of my friends' parents are divorced."

"I won't lose her again," she tells him confidently, not wanting him to worry about that. "I know how to show her how much I love her now. It took me a while though."

He takes a long pause once more, understanding his parents weren't as solid as knows them to be now, "is that why you still go on dates?"

"It's one of the reasons, yes."

He nods in understanding, it makes sense now. She watches him as he mulls his thoughts over, she resists the urge to push him to open his mouth and say whats on his mind. "I want to take Lauren on a date."

 _Alone? No._ She opens her mouth and closes it. _You want him to trust you,_ she puts her glasses on her head, pulls the visor down and rubs the smudged eyeliner away from her lower lids.

"What kind of date? Where would you want to take her?"

"I don't know," he frowns a little, "the dance is coming up?," he says shyly with a shrug of his shoulder.

She looks at his face, _is this what he's afraid to fail?_ , "she'll say yes."

He sits up some, "but what if she doesn't?"

"She will. She likes you too J."

"How do you know? Did she tell you that?"

"Yeah, every chance I get, I shoot her a text," she says wiggling her thumbs as if typing,"for an update about how her every thought is consumed by her love of Jamie Vauseman."

"You know what I mean," he whines.

"No I don't. We don't have some gal pal code kid."

"I dont know what you guys do... so, how do I ask her?"

"You couldn't have just found the courage to ask while you were making out under your jacket?" He turns his head away from her, here we go again.

She turns his head back to her, "next time you talk to her, just ask her if she'd like to go to the dance with you. Don't be afraid to take the chance." She sends a text message, and looks at him basking in his silence, "trust me, okay?"

He looks at her and gives the slightest nod.

Her phone pings and she reads her reply. "See, she said yes." He looks at her mortified.

"Im kidding," she laughs, showing him her phone, "it's your mom."

His hands cover his face, before he rolls down the window. She chuckles slightly, "kid please relax, I'm sorry," she apologizes realizing he cant take her teasing right now, "I'm telling you she'll say yes."

He sits up all the way, and glares at her while he puts his feet back on the floor of the car. "So what else did you fail?," he asks taking his best shot at humbling her while she looks this cocky.

"Really? Pushing it already? I just told you one of my biggest ones, don't rock the boat."

"Well there have been plenty right?"

"Yeah and I may fail to refrain from telling your mom about your first kiss on the back of a bus, on-a-dare." She points up toward the open window, "call your sister."

His dropped mouth, due to the threatened blackmail, turns from his mother, to the crowd of first grade pirates who've been let out into the school yard. He gets out to get Harper so she doesn't start running toward the school bus that normally takes her home.

She climbs into the backseat, her felt eyepatch covers one of her eyes, "I didn't know you were picking me up today!," she says pleasantly surprised.

"Neither did I," she says looking at her son as he gets into the car, "but Jamieeeeee," he leans his hands onto the seat and pauses, "got an award from school and his principal was very excited and wanted me to come see it right away."

Harper opens her mouth in a big smile, "can I see your award Jamie?"

He passes her back the folder while Alex asks them what they should get to eat, because she has decided she's not cooking. Jamie looks at Alex and they both nod, "Greek," as if there was another option even in the running.

"Can we get spanakopitapita?"

Alex chuckles at her daughter's pronunciation, "yes," she says as she heads to their frequently visited Greek place.

* * *

"Where would it be?," she asks Piper into the phone as she digs around under their bed.

"Try the boxes on the highest shelf in the closet."

"Gonna break my neck," she says placing the step ladder near the edge of their closet. She climbs up and tilts the boxes so she can see their contents. "found it thanks."

"Wait, can you tear out those pages and just give him those?"

"Yeah of course. See you tomorrow." She carefully tears the pages from Piper's book, skims it and finds the piece she's looking for.

She walks into Jamie's room, flips his chair around and straddles the chair. She points out the particular sentence she wants him to read,

"whats this?," he asks leaning in closer to the page.

"Something your mom and I wrote for you the day before you were born. I remembered about it when we were in the car, but look," she beckons him to read specific lines,

 _'and as hard as it may be I'll try not to let my expectations run your life. I hope you'll try things even if you're wary and know that it's okay to fail and I'll be proud of you as long as you tried your best. I hope you're able to laugh at yourself when you do fail, and know that with some thing's, some people, will simply just be better than you and that's okay too.'_

"We expect you to try things and not always succeed ok? Expected it before you took your first breath, but were both here if you do fail at something alright? Try not to be scared."

He looks between the old pages, and his mom, but doesn't speak. "You want to read through it?," she prompts.

He nods and takes the pages from her hand. She watches him read through Piper's chicken scratch, his lips pull up in smirks, his eyes expressively change in amusement, love, confusion...

"why did you name me James?"

"'James and the Giant Peach' is one of both your mom's and my favorite books. All of Roald Dahl's books."

"Yeah I like them too."

"Of course you do."

 _'I'm so curious to see what you look like and how you'll act.'_ "Am I who you thought I would be?," his head tilts as he asks her.

She squints one of her eyes, "better."

He smiles back at her and continues reading,

"Mookie?"

"Aw, Mookie," she looks at him with sentimental remembrance.

He looks at her missing second head, weirdo.

She stares back with plead in her eyes, not to be judged, "hey we didn't know you yet."

"Okay," he mouths. She gets off his chair and sits slightly behind him and reads over his shoulder.

 _'I'm not even going to pretend that a carton of takeout from 3 different continents doesn't present itself in this home on a weekly basis,_ ' he laughs, "that still happens."

"See, yet another way I've failed. You should have home cooked meals everyday." "I'm not complaining."

And though the wound was still fresh, he reads aloud at a grumble _, 'you'll hear music from all over the world pumping through our speakers_ ,',"I'm not even going to comment on that."

"You're welcome."

 _'I'll try not to embarrass you,'_ "another failure," he points out, "what are mom jeans?" "We've managed to steer clear of those, you're welcome again."

 _'I hope I made you feel like you can trust me and I won't judge you but I'll listen to you and try to help you as your mother and your friend.'_ She looks at him subtley, trying to read his face without him noticing. He pulls away from her and looks at her, "this is true."

"It is?," she asks relieved.

"Yeah, he looks it over again, "I can tell you stuff." And that's all he was giving her, she took it gladly.

 _'I know I will mess things up along the way, but you're my first, and the way I'm feeling right now, probably my last. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'll try to keep you thinking I do until you figure me out_. "You guys do okay. Sometimes you're not fair, but most of the time you are."

"Thanks for your approval."

"Were you not planning on having Harper?"

"That is another very long story kid."

He continues reading, _'I keep trying to remind myself that I'm not always going to be right—your mother jumps at every chance to remind me of this too.'_ "Yeah you still like to highlight whenever someone is wrong, and you're right." He laughs again when he gets to Alex's section, "Mookie."

"Shut up! That was my name for you, it was sweet."

"Whatever, you're still one of the weirdest people I know."

"'Mookie' can make a reappearance you know?"

"Jamie's good, thanks."

 _'I made your mom wait a long time before I was finally ready to be a parent, I'm still not, but I want you so much. It feels weird to write that word to describe myself, sometimes I feel like you're already here, this person that I'm responsible for, but sometimes I still get really scared that I'm really not going to know what to do with you.'_

"You didn't always want kids?"

She exhales exaggeratedly, "no!"

He turns over his shoulder and looks at her offended.

She sucks her teeth, "don't look at me like that. Not everyone should be a parent. There were...just things about myself that I wasn't proud of, never mind wanting my kid to be around."

He turns around to look at her _, like what_?, he begs internally for her to tell him. She reads him, his desire's apparent and she wishes she hadn't said that. The angst is evident across her face.

"With time, I let some of those things go, and tried to focus on the parts of me I was proud of."

He couldn't take it anymore, "what aren't you proud of? Did you do something bad?"

"James," she wags a finger at him then bites her nail.

"What did you do?," he pleads, "don't you think I've waited long enough? I can take it, just tell me."

"Its complicated."

"You always make me tell you things, even if I know im going to get into trouble."

"Because I don't want you going the same route I did," her voice is raised, "and I promise you I will tell you." She points to the letter willing him to continue.

 _'It blows my mind that you're pure, a perfect ball of innocence, that's untouched by so much of the madness that surrounds us daily._ ' "I'm not a baby anymore," he clarifies.

"And you're not treated like one. You've just got so much time to be ruined by the ugliness out there."

' _Your mom has done an amazing job to keep you safe and Ill do whatever I can to keep you unscathed_. "Yeah, including not telling me anything, ever," he says disappointed.

"I'm trying kid."

"Try harder."

' _I promise I'll take good care of you kid and if I don't know something I'll figure out a way to find out, I don't care how many people I have to harass in the process. I do kind of wish that you'd decide you've run out of space and put on your miner's cap and look for the light already_.' She watches his cheeks rise, he fights the smile at her humor. He nudges his shoulder, pushing away her chin that she chose to try to rest on him.

 _'Your mom is really sore and has been really patient waiting for you. The last two weeks have been rough, we're both foamin' at the mouth to finally meet you and bring you home. I can't wait to hang out with you and hear all the stuff that's going to come out of your mouth. I promise I'll read to you all the time, we have quite the collection here. I want you to have adventures like all the characters in your books. Sometimes mom and I sit in your room and read to you, you go crazy listening about all the journeys, I wonder about the questions you'll ask me_.' He stops, sets the letter on his floor and comes up onto his hands and knees, and reads out loud again, "I wonder about the questions you'll ask me," his voice cracks, and continues reading in silence, 'or how many times I'm going to have to read the same stories over and over again, I'll probably have them memorized. Whenever you're ready, we're waiting.'

He stands up and shuts the letter away in his desk, "I'm waiting too, whenever you're ready."

* * *

They sit around having dinner at the Chapman's coffee table, for the first time ever, Piper believes, not able to recall having meals anywhere other than in the dining room. Harper has thoroughly covered her grandpa's knee cast in an array of multicolored flowers when Alex suggests Jamie show their family his latest accomplishment. Piper sees him rise without any enthusiasm, _and was that a snarl?_ she caught toward the brunette; she wonders what went on between her son and her wife.

He sets the folder on the table, and shows Piper his letter.

"J!," she pulls him in, "this is amazing!" She shows the paper to her dad and then drags her arm toward her mother.

Her mother pulls her glasses up onto her nose, "very prestigious," she regards and eyes both Piper and Alex with a smile, "congratulations," she says and heads toward the kitchen.

Piper smothers him in an exorbitant amounts of kisses. _Prestigious_ , she mouths toward Alex. Her nose turns up at a familiar smell, her eyes go wide,

"what is that?," she asks as her mother sets the cake down on the table.

"Marzipan?"

She bolts up from the table and heads into the kitchen.

Carol looks up confused, "does she not like marzipan? I can't remember?"

"No, Piper loves marzipan," Alex assures her and starts cutting the cake.

Carol seeks out Piper who's leaning against the refrigerator sipping the drink she poured.

"Dear, was that abrupt exit necessary? Alex said you liked marzipan."

"I'm sure she did," she says with another sip of her drink. "Mom?"

"Yes dear?"

"It recently came to my attention that you gave my wife some words of comfort, years ago. A time when she was missing her own mother sorely."

Carol's wrinkly lips purse, she leans into the countertop.

"I just wanted to say that I appreciate you not only coming around to accept who Alex is to me but for trying to connect with her. I wish i'd known sooner."

"I'm not so bad Piper."

"I know. Thank you mom."


	38. Chapter 38

38

The floor creeks after midnight; she puts her glasses on, removes the comforter from over her body and follows the noise. The light from the refrigerator illuminates the shiny wooden floor, her feet follow one after the other until she's standing in the doorway of their kitchen, watching her son sip milk directly from the carton; she shakes her head and exhales.

His shoulders tense, he stops abruptly and turns slowly to see the breather. His body relaxes, "oh its just you," he says and closes the lip of the carton.

She shifts her weight off the doorway, "hey give me that." He elongates his arm with the carton, and wipes his mouth.

"Why are you up?," she asks him, taking a swig of the milk before placing it back in the refrigerator. She turns on the hood light over the stove and takes a seat in their kitchen.

"Cant sleep."

"Something on your mind?"

He nods," dance" and leans against the back of another chair.

"Did you ask her yet?"

He wrinkles his eyebrows and nods.

She raises her eyebrows, and moves her hands around motioning for him to get on with it. "She said yes."

"I don't know why you had any doubt," she says matter of factly. "So what's the problem?"

His arms hang down the length of the chair, "I don't know how to dance."

"Yeah you do," she says giving him a look not understanding why he lacks such confidence.

"Yeah like this," he jumps from side to side with his arms in the air.

She starts laughing.

He laughs once as well, "but seriously, I don't know how to like, dance dance."

She runs a hand through her hair and sighs, "I'm not a great dancer either kid, it's just a lot of swaying."

He rambles, "yeah but you know enough, I'm gonna like step on her toes," his voice raises with worry, "like how do I know which way she's going to go?"

"Shh-I'll show you what I know okay?"

"Now?," he stands up straight ready to go.

"Uh no." She taps her index finger to her wrist, implying its late, "some of us need sleep so we don't look like the next admission to the geriatric unit."

"What?"

"I need my sleep kid."

A few evenings later Piper scrolls through their music library on their laptop and settles on a Rodgers and Hammerstein classic. Piper starts with proper etiquette, and arrganges their arms into a formal ballroom hold.

Alex almost immediately stands up next to her, "he cant hold her like that!" Jamie breaks away from Piper, judging her.

"Its a classic ballroom hold," her arms come away from her body, not understanding what the problem is.

"Exactly, debutante, it should be reserved for a ballroom," she turns to Jamie, "not the floor of a school gym."

The blonde's arms come to her sides defeated, she mutters, "was just trying to show him the "right" way to hold a lady."

Alex laughs, "when have you ever danced like this?," implying as proper as it may be, that their son will look like a freak if his elbow is pointed in the air.

Piper laughs, "never," she responds to the amount of experience she had actually implementing the forced ballroom lessons.

"Do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you?," Alex sings along with Piper's song in her best classical snob voice.

Alex leans over the computer and hits, UB40's "Cant Help Falling In Love."

She sets him in front of Piper, pulls his arm over Piper's shoulder and closes his hand around the back of her neck. She fixes his other hand on Piper's hip.

She takes a step back and looks at his hold, "good, now put some weight behind this hand," she says pointing to the rigid hand at Piper's waist, "and step in the direction you want to go." He pushes Piper with a little too much force, causing her to take an awkward step out to catch her balance.

"Ok no, no, no," she says physically removing him from her wife. "Ok first relax your arms more, here," she pulls his arms wide apart, "just shake it out."

He starts spastically wiggling his arms, "more, like spaghetti, wet noodle." She starts laughing at his flailing limbs, "or you know you could just do this the whole night."

He stops abruptly.

"Ok try again, just let your arms sink a little, and you're guiding her, not shoving her."

They step back and forth some, "good J," Piper tells him. "Try not to bob your head," Piper tells him. His neck stiffens, "no, don't be a board, just let it go with the direction of your body," he gets the rhythm down and follows her. "Better."

She breaks away some and picks up her pace a little.

"This song is kind of fast though, what if the beat is slower?"

"Then you just slow it down," she demonstrates changing her rhythm. He nods okay. "And you don't have to go from side to side, you can come forward, go back, go in circles, whatever you want. But if you're going to change direction, guide her." He looks at her slightly nervous having just mastered his step and touch.

"Watch," she says and beckons Alex to take his place. Alex pulls her in close and pushes her slightly away spinning her; they come back to hold, the brunette repositions her hands, just like she showed him, they sway back and forth.

"You make it look so easy though."

"You just gotta have fun with it," Alex tells him, "worst case scenario? You smack your head into hers and knock her out right?"

He smirks and rolls his eyes. He swaps places with Piper and gets moved around by Alex for a few counts before trying to re-take the lead. Piper looks at him dancing, and smiles, he doesn't look half bad.

"Okay?," Alex confirms fanning her face as the song fades out.

The opening beat of "Down with the Sickness," starts as the brunette pulls her hair back into a ponytail and grabs a bottle of water from the fridge.

She returns with a mouthful of water, her arm in the air, marching. She holds back the water in her cheeks as her son is bouncing back and forth like he'd done the other night, "oh wa-ah-ah- ah," they both screech.

"Godddddd," Piper sighs and the two bounce simultaneously.

A few evenings later, he's on the verge of running late for his first dance. The main bathroom door is closed, Piper stands outside the door as she continues her knocking, she swears she can hear him pep talking himself over the running faucet. Alex meets her in the hallway and gestures, "what is he doing?"

"No idea, he has like 12 hairs," she gestures around her head, the wrapping around the flower she picked out for him crinkles in her grasp.

He opens the door annoyed and turns off the light. He steps out and sees both of them waiting in the hall, "what?" he asks clearly tense and nervous.

"Are you ready?," Alex asks taking a look at his hair and goes to poke a piece of his gelled coif. He puts his hands into his back pockets and leans back against the wall and says nothing.

Alex places her hands on his shoulders, "kid, you're gonna be fine, just be yourself."

He nods, his head looks down and he sees the flower in Piper's hand. "I'm not bringing her a flower!"

"Why not?!"

"No one else is going to do that."

"Well good, don't be like everyone else," Piper almost shouts at him.

He looks at Alex for some backup, but she shakes her head and takes the flower from Piper. "I'm with her," she unwraps the paper from around the rose colored ranunculus that her wife chose for him to give to Lauren, "just lose the paper." She hands him the flower and he furrows his eyebrows.

"Hey, just be you. You," Alex points a finger into his chest, "are cool."

He glares at the brunette, "what is she supposed to do with it? Hold onto it the whole night?"

Alex shrugs her shoulders, "or when you go to pick her up, she can bring it back upstairs if she doesn't want to bring it with her."

"She'll like it baby, it matches her dress."

He nods, "wait how you know she's wearing a dress?"

"She narrowed down her closet with one of her friends, but asked for help deciding between the last two."

He holds the flower carefully, his thoughts now consumed with Lauren in her rose colored dress, and heads toward their door. "C'mon we're gonna be late," he calls out now in a rush.

His moms exchange glances as if they haven't been waiting for him for the last 60 minutes. She hears him flip out as she assumes Piper just tried to touch his hair as she shuts and locks the door.

* * *

"And port-de-bras," the dance teacher's voice echos through the plexiglass window. Nicky watches Harper's arms come away from her body while she stands near the barre. Her teacher adjusts her arms, lowering her elbows slightly, turning in her fingers. She moves onto the next student. Harper turns to look for Nicky and flashes her a thumbs up, before refocusing her attention to keep her eyes straight in front of her.

"Hey," Alex opens the door to the viewing area and sits among the sweaty shoes and nylons strewn about the room, "Nick thanks so much for taking her, meeting ran longer than expected."

"Not a problem babe," she says pointing up at Harper. She doesn't notice her mother as she's focusing on spotting the wall across the room as she practices her turns. "She's pretty good. Got changed quick, started stretching on her own, tied her hair back into a bun."

"Never thought I'd have a kid, that liked ballet."

They watch her for a bit, "so what's new? How'd the dance go?," her eyes widened and turned into toward the brunette.

"Great, they had an 'awesome' time," she says imitating her son slightly but looking a bit flat.

"Y'alright?," Nicky asks her.

"I don't know," she shrugs it off. "We're fine at home, more than fine... I can just feel this underlying disappointment in his voice because I won't answer all of his questions."

Nicky bit her lip and nodded.

"Like as though I don't trust him enough to be completely open with him, you know?"

The wild haired woman shakes her head, "it's not that easy, don't be so hard on yourself."

"It's like everyday he does something that screams 'I've reached maturity' and I think he'll be able to handle it. But in the same day he'll say something so completely naïve and I realize he's not ready."

Nicky straightens her back. "You have a great relationship with him," she tries to remind her.

"Yeah," her tongue traces her bottom teeth, "and I'm terrified of fucking that up. I don't want him to think of me as a criminal."

She takes a breath, "Al, remember that night Harper asked me about the scar?" The brunette nods, knowing what her friend is implying.

"I get it, I don't want those kids looking at me as this pathetic human being who couldn't resist the power of a substance. I like that they see me as this loyal, reliable person in their lives that makes them smile. I don't want to lose that either."

The brunette looks at the fear in her friends face, I don't. "But you can't let your past shame you," she parroted the mantra the brunette preached to her that summer night two years ago. "You want them to grow up knowing that people make mistakes, right? Have faith that they'll be able to see how you grew from that mistake."

"Yeah but that wasn't a mistake, it wasn't an accident. I knowingly did things that I knew were wrong. Consequence didn't exist, it wasn't a factor until it got out of control," she runs both of her guilty hands through her hair and chokes out, "and I dragged Piper along."

"Yeah you did, but that's not who you are anymore. Even if that need for the power and rush is still there, like the smack is for me, you don't use it for that fucked up shit anymore."

The brunettes head leans up against the wall behind her.

"You have to look at that experience and trust that it helped you be a better person for it."

"I'm tired of holding back, tired of the look he gives me, wanting to shake the words from the back of my throat." Nicky holds her hand, she strokes her thumb over the brunette's wrist. "I just can't, Nicky. I'm so scared."

"He has a connection with you, he looks up to you, relates to you- for a reason. You need to believe that all of those things will trump anything you tell him about your past. No shame."

She bites her lip hard, so deeply, she can start to taste the metallic zing from the pierced skin, "alright. I'm gonna do it."

At home, Piper comes through their front door and hangs her sweater on the coat rack.

"J?," she shouts out as she removes her shoes and walks closer to his room, "Jamie, are you home?," she says as she steps into his room. "Hey!"

He looks up at her, out of it. Piper concernedly approaches him on his floor, "are you okay?"

He shakes his head no, and swivels his biology text book so she can read, "DNA and Cell Biology." She looks at him for him to say what's on his mind, but he stays silent. "Do you not understand something? I wasn't great at biology, but I can skim through here and try to help."

"We went over the biology behind conception, the egg and the sperm and I'm like okay great I know this stuff. But then we started talking about chromosomes, and genetic make up...," his voice trails as distress washes over his face.

The blonde's forehead wrinkles, she places a hand on his leg, "yeah?"

His breath is heard, rapidly but steadily escaping past his lips, "I know you told me a while ago, but it never really clicked that I don't have," his breath catches, "any of mom's."

She stops breathing, her mind runs rampant, and yet she's speechless. She's torn between the sadness on her son's innocent face, and frustrated by his confusion. Her lungs re-fill, "baby I thought you understood, I'm sorry."

"I just thought I was a Vause-man," his voice squeaks, then re-deepend, "man-of-Vause," he forces a laugh and roughly brushes the wetness from his cheeks. "I just thought I somehow came from her too. I never thought past it."

"You're hers though baby, through and through. You know that right?"

"Am I completely stupid for not thinking about this til now?"

"No, you know it really is a difficult thing to get your head around, to really understand what it means." She breathes, "I'm sorry you're hurting."

He looks up to acknowledge her words.

She gauges his maturity and takes a chance, "it's really painful, when you love someone so much and want to make a family with them, but can't do that the way another couple can. You were still made through an act of love, it's just a different kind of love." She nods her head at her own words, "what your mom and I have, is a different kind of love."

He looks at her briefly but averts his gaze, hanging his head. She unlocks her phone and scrolls through hundreds of photos until she finds one from right after they were newly married.

She sets the phone down within his sightlines, "a different kind of love."

He looks at the picture of Alex's arm around Piper's shoulder, her tongue is pressed against Piper's cheek. Piper looks revolted. He laughs and nods, "a different kind of love." He exhales, "it's just feels normal."

"It is normal." He looks settled for a moment, when once again his eyebrows furrow in distress. "Talk to me sweet pea."

"I have your eyes...," he pauses. She watches him think, always so serious when thinking like this. He raises his hand as if asking for a moment and returns with a stack of photo albums from their living room book shelf. He sets them on the floor of his bedroom and drags his backpack over. He cracks his binder open and flips to his science section opening to the day's notes. He sets different albums around himself in a circle, while she gets up and out of the way; she sits on his bed and watches his process. Alex. He says nothing, just sorts through the pages pulling random photos, dragging his finger across the text. Piper worriedly looks on waiting for him to blow up, but he doesn't. His tense shoulders settle as he holds select photos like playing cards splayed in his hands. "I just... I'm her... she's my ma. We like the same food, authors, music, I think like her," his frustration is clear in his tone.

Piper continues with their similarities, "and you love fiercely, you move your mouth the same way, you have her fire in you and you say what's on your mind."

He nods.

"She's your mother," he blinks his tears, "since before you were a speck she was your mother."

"I just _feel_ like hers."

"You are baby. She rubbed you and read to you before you were born. Made sure I took my vitamins and got good rest, she went with me for long walks to help you grow healthy. She wrapped you up tight, made sure you were breathing every twenty minutes while you slept. Changed all your diapers. Sang to you, off pitch, but sang." She removes the "flour-baby" photo from the album and he looks at the smile that breaks across her face while she laughs. She studies it for a minute and replaces it in the plastic sleeve. She keeps her finger on it while she talks to him, "she wanted to make sure she wrapped it right before she put you in."

He pulls another one with the same carrier, a younger version of Alex, with him tucked securely in the wrap. Her hands are on her hips, her smile is wide, like she wore him pride. "She kept you snug against her chest in the madness of the city because she didn't want you miss anything if you were lying down in a carriage." He leans the photo on his nightstand against the copy of The Scarlett Letter she'd given him. Piper pulls him near her, she holds his face against her shoulder and presses her lips firmly against his head. "She kisses you til you break out into giggles, even sometimes cooks for you, kicks your ass til she knows she's got your best outta you. " He nods silently. "She cried while you sat in time out having to listen to you wail and feared you'd resent her. She's-your-mom."

"She is my ma," he laughs. "It just doesn't make sense, how I could be so much like her but we don't share any genes."

"Have you gone through Darwin's or Harlow's or Plato's views, about nature versus nurture?"

Silence.

"The Tempest?," she tries to simplify once the names she spoke registered a bank stare across her son's face.

"No," he tells her.

She says he will and offers a brief synopsis, as only this mother can do. Except it's not brief at all, its thick with details, and has a tone of bias to the beliefs that align with her own.

"So people end up the way they're raised?"

"Yes. The physical parts are in your genes, and there are some medical implications regarding your DNA, but the personality, the way you behave, think, react? It's all learned from your environment and the way you were raised."

"So if someone else was my mother I would be totally different?"

"Yes."

He thinks for a long while and says out loud what Piper tells herself every time they've had important decisions to make, "I wouldn't want anyone else."

"Me neither."

A little while later, Harper and Alex come home from dance school.

"Hey squeaky," Harper teases.

"Towhead," he says messing up her bun.

She comes up on her toes, "giant!"

"Shrimp."

Piper calls in the background, "everyday you guys? You'd think you come up with better ones."

Harper runs off to change out of her dance clothes. Alex removes her coat and hangs it up, Jamie, who's eyes are just shy of her own, looks into her eyes, momentarily, before giving her the tightest hug. He pulls away slightly.

"What's that for?," she acts shocked at the normally demanded affection, "not that I'm complaining." He hangs on for a second longer, her eyes dance all over his face, before he pulls away to wash up for dinner. She throws Piper a weird glance as the blonde makes her way over to her, "I need to talk to you," she says heavily.

The pit in her stomach feels like lead.

"He asked me about DNA Al, his."

Her mouth dips down to the side some, "okay."

"He just really got that you don't share any."

"Fuck, really? He seems okay though."

"He was really upset, he thinks the world of you." Alex nods. "He just kept saying you're his ma, like with this disbelief." The brunette swallows, pushing the leaded pit lower, as the monotonous fog of Piper's voice swirls around her. She watches the blonde's mouth move, catching words like "predisposition" and "phenotype;" she feels Piper's hand touch her face bringing her back to reality. "But he gets that the things you're taught, how you're brought up, modeled behavior, is what really makes you who you are. So he's okay."

The confidence she'd managed to build on the walk home, slowly settled as low as it could possibly go. She places the heel of her hand against her stomach and presses inward. I can't tell him now.


	39. Chapter 39

Cross referenced with Chapters 19 and 20 of Caught in the Whirlwind

Acanofbeans- lot of vulnerability in that last chap.

39

Her dark hair shakes as she breaks out of her trance, she looks around, their kids are setting the table, without prompt, they must be starving, she concludes. She looks back at Piper, dread is spread clear across her face, the blonde's eyebrows furrow at her wife's expression. She tilts her head toward their room and starts to walk away. Piper thanks the kids for starting to set the table, and follows the brunette.

"Whats up?," Piper asks her, shutting their bedroom door as her wife is walking in a wayward pattern.

"Pipes, almost daily, I wrack my brain over having the courage to talk to Jamie. I want him to know my goods and my bads, and still love me the same way he does after all of this today."

Piper's tongue comes between her teeth, she nibbles at the muscle, fighting the urge to speak, trying to give the brunette a chance to finish her thought.

"My main issue is, I don't know what he's capable of digesting, like what conclusions he'll make. I thought all this time he understood that we weren't biologically related, and that he felt this connection to me knowing this, all along."

"But now he does, and that connection is still there Al."

She nods, "yes but, how did he not know? I don't look anything like him."

"He connects with you on things that actually matter Alex, you created this nest of safety and love for him, the visual didn't matter. It still doesn't. And it wont. Ever."

"And I love our nest," her voice shakes, "I do. I love that it's ours, the balance of consistency and chaos, it's great. I don't want them to come home and feel like they're sharing this space with a stranger. I want them to know where we came from, but without running the risk of them coming home and being afraid of me."

"They wouldn't be afraid of either of us, they know us. Who we were, isn't who we are. We should tell him more," she frowns a little at the thought of his face as the realization of his chemistry unfurled in front of him, "even if it evokes an undesired response."

"Sometimes I wish... I don't know," she stops herself and re-gathers her thoughts, "I hate that that there are people, who I can hurt and disappoint. Little people, who I have to answer to."

"I understand why people keep secrets, of their less than perfect past, hidden from their kids, but if it's important to you to have it be on the table, then its important to me too. I think the way it's approached is what's more important. Like you said you don't want them to come home and feel like this place isn't what it once was, this person isn't who I thought she was."

The brunette looks up to the ceiling, wordlessly begging for some push to continue progressing with their son.

After dinner, she walks through his open door. She looks around, his floor is a mess, books, notes, albums lay in disarray.

She slowly kneels down on his floor, and takes a seat among the clutter. "So...," she says in an attempt to get his attention.

"So?," he looks around for a moment, "I'll clean it up later, I swear."

"Oh I don't care J. You okay?"

"Yeah...," he says looking right at her noting she looks a bit off, "are you?"

"Sure. What are you doing?," she asks trying to normalize the conversation.

"Freaking bio," he says closing his book, "I've had enough for one day, you know?"

"Word kid."

He laughs embarrassingly, "please don't say that ever again."

She tilts her neck to the side to crack it when she catches the picture of him across her chest in the Moby. She lifts it up and smiles immediately, looking at how small he is, "you were just a baby."

She looks back at him, wide eyed, "I was. Facing outward, ready to take on the world." Alex quirks an eyebrow.

"Mom said you purposely carried me that way as opposed to laying me in a carriage so I wouldn't miss out," he says this was a twinge of sarcasm, "you know, so I'd be aware of what was going around me."

She looks at him, daring him to confront her today. She goes to set the picture back against the book on his table; she swaps the picture for the book, "did you read it?"

"Yeah."

"What'd you think?"

"It was pretty good."

 _And_?, she peers at him with an unimpressed look, one that read an answer of "pretty good" wouldn't be enough of a response, regarding a book review.

"Honestly? I think it's a little ridiculous to be punished for a lifetime over one thing."

 _Thank God._

"So she had sex with some other guy. Yeah it's wrong, but the village is going to be obsessed about it their whole lives?"

Alex chuckles, "it was a different time. Your generation is desensitized to it, it's messed up kid."

"Agreed, but its not worth a lifetime of guilt. This woman like grieved her mistake her whole life when it's not that big of a deal. Like she's made to feel horrible over something insignificant...," he stops for a moment, realizing his mom has had something she's been ashamed of and has lived for all these years with guilt, "is that it? Did you cheat on mom?," he asks holding his breath.

"No!," she exclaims offended.

"Oh," he lets his breath out in a sigh, "okay."

"What are you like disappointed?"

"No, I just thought that it might be the reason you wanted me to read it."

"Well it's not. Do you really think I'd cheat on your mother?"

"No," he says looking down.

She thinks for a moment, he still asked, willing to hear that she did in fact cheat on his mother, his drive to know the truth outweighing the principle. She looks at the book in her hands and opens her mouth,

"I...I cheated on someone else with her."

He looks up completely amused, "you did? Do I know her? Him?"

"Excuse yourself."

"Well I don't know!"

"Yeah when I first met your mother, I was already with someone else," she shrugs a shoulder before coming up to her knees.

He all but knocks her down, "so you did want me to read it because of this?"

"No, for God's sake, I should probably have felt worse about it than I did, but I didn't love her the way I love your mom, so the guilty conscience was never really there I guess."

He nods in understanding but doesn't say a word.

"You met her once, on the street."

He looks at her curiously unable to recall ever being introduced to the woman who was cheated on by his ma.

"That time on the street, after one of your games, I think you saw me talking to her, your mom came out of the market and they got into it a little."

"Oh man!," he laughs immediately remembering.

She can't help but release a chuckle, she speaks through her smirk, "oh man is right."

He continues to laugh, "well at least it was for someone you ended up marrying right?," he tries to justify through his hysterics.

"It's not funny," she says in her best attempt at a moral tone, pointing a finger at him, desperately trying to hold back her own laughter. "No but seriously, you know that's not alright, right?"

"Yeah ma."

"No J, what I did was wrong. When I was interested in your mother I should've ended the relationship I was in."

"I know."

"Okay," her look lingers a second longer trying to determine if he truly thought it was amoral.

She looks at the book in her hand once more and exhales, "fuck." Her elbow digs into her leg, her face in her palm. She looks at Jamie and just shakes her head back and forth.

"What ma?," he asks, noting the return of her discomfort.

"Just...try to remember how this felt," her respiratory rate doubles, "that maybe some things aren't as a big of a deal as one might think?" She wants to tell him, her eyes harden, "that maybe you could revisit this feeling and not punish me forever? No matter how bad it is."

"Over-what?"

She tries to control the pace of her breathing, "I need some air."

He exhales in frustration, as she walks out of his room. By the time he gets to his own feet, she's already by the front door, Piper's trying to convince her to wait a second so that she get her shoes on and go with her.

Jamie volunteers to take Piper's place and scrambles to get his own shoes on, while Alex shakes her head to say no.

He comes up to his feet and looks at her face, "I'm going."

Piper frowns in her wife's direction, not knowing what to do.

"I wont ask you," he reassures Alex as she holds onto the doorway, trying not to pass out.

"Where are you going?," Harper asks in the direction of the commotion.

"Just for a walk," Piper tells her lifting her up.

"Can I go?," she asks biting her lip tilting her head toward Alex.

Alex lets out the slightest whimper at the feeling of being torn in two directions. The overflow of love for her two kids is constant, she couldn't possibly get enough of them, this pull toward them is palpable and she's terrified of losing it. At the same time she can't get away from them fast enough, she's reeling with anxiety and needs to not be confronted by these same people who are making her wish she was still not tied to anything.

She runs her hand over Harper's cheek before gently squeezing it, "milkshakes?"

Her daughters face lights up and nods, she extends her arms toward Alex, who receives her and pulls her in close. "That okay?," she asks Jamie.

He nods somewhat worriedly in her direction as they step outside the apartment and head to the diner.

The brunette sucks down the melted ice cream quickly, purposely trying to bring on a brain freeze to block any other thoughts. She squints her eyes hard an presses her hands to her head now regretting the stupid action.

"Ice cream headache!," Harper yells pointing at her mother.

"Ahhh," Alex says rubbing her head until it starts to subside. Jamie eyeballs her in judgment.

"Do you have quarters?," Harper asks her as she bites her straw.

She nods and unzips the change section of her wallet, sliding fifty cents across the table. Jamie looks at her, she slides two more quarters in his direction before he can beg for his customary metallic ration.

Harper turns the dial on the music box, flipping through pages of musical selections until she finds one that she likes. She slips her quarters in and presses in the code. She smiles wickedly at Jamie who yells, "noooo!"

Miley Cyrus', "Cant Be Tamed," starts playing overhead, while Harper owns the lyrics and adds her dance moves. The seat of the booth bounces and Jamie looks less than thrilled to be sharing a seat with her. He goes to sip his milkshake when she bounces extra hard making him miss his straw. He turns around to shove her, she squirms underneath the table and comes out on Alex's side, clamoring into her mother's lap, seeking protection. She wiggles her butt on her mother's lap, while looking through her wallet. Alex sees the old picture of Piper that she's had in her wallet for years. She thumbs it for a moment, before fully withdrawing it and handing it to Harper. She tells them both it's one of her fav pictures of Piper. She tells them she found Piper, after searching for her for hours when she was really mad at her. She tells them the look Piper's giving her captured, that even though she wasn't their mothers favorite person in that moment, she was still happy to be found.

Harper's fondling the picture, and asks her where the picture is from. "Italy," she tells her without any other explanation

"It-a-lee," she repeats a few times to herself until her voice is at a whisper. "Is that from one of the times you lost her?," Jamie asks.

Harper continues to study the picture, "can we go here?," she asks with her finger pressed against her mother's face in the photo.

Alex looks and Jamie and nods. "She's right at home Harper, want to visit her forehead?"

"No," she wags her head at her mother's silly response, "hereee," she moves her finger to the background of the photo.

Jamie puts his hand towards Harper, silently asking if he can take a look at the photo.

"You'd want to go to Italy?," she asks her daughter curiously as other kids her age would normally be begging to go to Disney.

Her son stares into the picture and looks at his mom, wondering why she'd keep this photo in her wallet when it was from a time where she thought of herself as a bad girlfriend.

The elevator chimes, Harper takes off down the hall and knocks on the door repeatedly til Piper opens it.

"Gratzie!," she exclaims with hand gestures before flopping on the ground to remove her shoes.

She looks at her daughter oddly at her Italian expression, "how was the diner?," she asks as Jamie and Alex walk through the doorway and close the door.

"Good, I gotta go to the bagno," he says kicking off his shoes and heads to the bathroom.

Alex pecks her hello before making her way to their laptop.

"Why are they saying things in Italian?," she asks the brunette.

"We're going to Italy!," Harper says from the floor, "aiuto?," she asks with her foot in the air.

"Yeah maybe Little Italy down Canal," she says to Harper as she crouches down and helps her undo the double knot on one of her sneakers.

"No, real Italy, mom said we could," Jamie tells her coming back from the bathroom.

"Alex!," she shouts down the hall not knowing which direction her wife went. She pokes her head from room to room in search of the brunette until she finds her typing into travel search engines.

"Alex, what did you tell them?," she asks with the "them's" looking between their parents.

"What? They wanna go, it'll be great," she says looking over her glasses as she types.

"Yeah, they wanna go," Jamie says.

"Don't you have homework to do or something?," Piper asks him.

He doesn't answer.

"Al, Italy's really expensive, we cant just decide, 'hey we're gonna go fly across the Atlantic,' and drop that kind of money on the spot."

"It's still off season, and we have the money. C'mon when's the last time you've been?"

"Yeah, when is the last time you've been?," Jamie inquires as Piper gently pushes them both out the door.

"Al...," Piper starts again.

"Pipes, it'll be a good break from the everyday. We can show them some of our favorite spots, we could have gelatooooo," she says caressing a hand up the blonde's back.

"We can get gelatoooo from the grocery store."

"It is not the same, you can't even put them in the same category."

"Al?"

"I need this...," her voice trails off in a long winded explanation about how she needs a distraction, but all the while again they can use this as an opportunity to reveal other aspects of their lives, important moments.

* * *

Their boat bobs outside the cave as their kids' "holy smokes!," and other exclamations echo from inside. They recline, slower than they did twenty years prior and are once again taken within the cave that's illuminated by glowing blue water. Days later, their kids walk up ahead of them following the signs on respective corners that point toward the Ponte Vecchio.

"You know with all the drama that was going on with us while we were here, I still felt like I could be myself with you."

Alex slips her hand into Piper's, she pulls her hand up and kisses the back. They round the corner by the bridge and halt.

"Just don't have reservations babe, tell him what you want, I can go off with Harper and get us something to eat."

"Is this it?," Harper confirms at a yell over the noise of the city.

Piper jogs over to Harper, "yes peanut!," she lifts her up so she can take in the full view over the stone railing. Alex and Jamie exchange glances, in the same way she can tell when something is up with him, he can with her.

Harper and Piper set out to find something for them all to eat. He starts "okay, so what else happened here?"

She tells him of how Piper accompanied her, how she felt trapped in some aspects of her life but free by Alex's side. That they traveled a lot because of Alex's job at the time, but with her job came high levels of stress and she neglected Piper, often promising to give her the time she deserved but didn't follow through.

"What kind of job?"

She stares at him, causing him to roll his eyes in response, "okay, fine."

"I was just sure that the choices I had made, had pushed your mother to her limits and she'd had it with me."

"But she didn't leave you."

"Not that day she didn't, but soon after she did."

He notes the look of sadness over Alex's face, "so why did she stay?"

She thinks back to those times, long ago, recalling the highs of their relationship. "Her faith in our relationship, I guess. It was a new love that she, we, both hadn't had before and she believed in it more than her disappointment with me."

She types Neruda's Sonnet 17 into the search engine of her phone and starts to read the poem to him. Moments later Harper lands in her lap as Piper takes a seat holding a fresh pizza. Alex reads through the poem slowly, allowing Piper to interject between lines, adding her interpretation in words both of their children could appreciate. She tells them that even though at times she felt uprooted with all of their crazy traveling and "adventures," it was here on this bridge that she realized she felt at home with their mother.

* * *

The drawer from the kitchen cabinet slams shut, rattling the silverware. Alex steps into the kitchen surprised that Jamie's home, "why aren't you at practice?"

"Because I didn't feel like going," he says as he spreads the mustard over a slice of bread and smacks it on top of the rest of his sandwich.

"You alright?"

"Yeah everything is great. Oh, except I can't see Lauren anymore."

Her eyebrows furrow, "what? Why not?"

"Her dad said she couldn't. She said she didn't care what he said but... you know, whatever, I don't want to see her anyway."

"No, what happened? Tell me."

He takes a huge bite of his sandwich, chewing hard, angrily, until finally he's able to swallow. He looks at her from the side, "she said he told her that... forget it ma. It's not even worth it." He goes to stand up, when she pushes him back down in the chair.

"What did she say James?," she says now becoming irritated, seeing her son upset.

"She said he told her that your name and mom's name were attached to some drug dealing case? And he doesn't want her around us anymore."

She swears time stops, that if her eyes could focus through the wetness that coats them, she could see her last breath escape.

When she doesn't speak he looks at her, her face tells him everything, and his face begins to mirror hers, "it's true?"

Her lips tremble, she grimaces and swallows hard, trying to repress the scream that tries to emit. As she takes a seat next to him, he's met with continued silence, devastation creeps across his face. He watches the tears roll down the cheeks of the person, who has never claimed to be the poster child for morality, but who still pushed him to be kind hearted and ethical.

His head shakes roughly, it doesn't make sense, "no...," he leans away from her momentarily, "why didn't you tell me!?," he asks furiously, "I told her that her father was a jerk, I called him a liar."

"Baby, I'm sorry," she breathes heavily, "I'll work everything out with Lauren," was all she could muster.

His hand moves back and forth, not even able to deal with that, "you were a drug dealer? And mom?"

"I moved them... from one country to another, it's just as bad," she exhales slowly. "J, I'm not trying to justify anything," she places a hand over his hand. He sharply withdraws it,

"don't touch me."

She draws her breath in staggered and curls her fingers back, away from his hand, "I wish you got to meet my mom J. She was really one of the single best people I've known all my life. I loved her so much, but watching her work so hard to get us nowhere, I didn't want to continue in that pattern."

"So of course, the only answer was to become a drug dealer."

"Of course not, but I was young and angry, I felt like life defeated me when I should've been on the verge of feeling like I could conquer it."

He shakes his head and pushes his sandwich away.

"Someone offered me a chance to make a lot of money, travel around the world, be in charge of my life. Yes now, I realize it was a stupid thing to do, but then it seemed like the answer to everything."

"You always drilled into my head that if I even touched any kind of drug, that you will kill me dead. If I jokingly inhaled someone's second hand smoke, you pinched me and told me to stop being an idiot and now you're telling me...no...I find out that you moved drugs around the world, as an occupation. Really?!"

"Because I've seen the lowest of the low from it J!"

"What kind of drugs did you, import?"

"Why does that matter?"

"I wanna know!"

"Heroin."

"Can't that like kill people?"

She nods and immediately thinks of Nicky. Her eyes begin to water again, as her son will forever associate her with this world she's tried to put behind her for so long.

"Have you ever seen anyone die?"

Her eyes harden, "I... know plenty of people who have because of it, okay? And even more who came close, but got lucky."

"So if mom was part of this too... how did you really meet?"

"I've never lied to you kid. We met at a bar."

"And?"

"And what we told you was true. Your mom and I started dating, she came with me just to keep me company."

"Why would you let her come with you, knowing all of this was illegal? If you really loved her?"

"It was my way of keeping her close. I needed her, one time, I was desperate. It is my biggest regret, letting her do that run for me in Belgium. It still eats at me. Her conscience was so strong, I watched her crumble to the ground. Nothing is worth seeing that."

He tries to fight his disappointment. She remembers the look on Piper's face on a regular basis, devastated that her girlfriend let her do something that she didn't fully understand the danger of. But now describing it to Jamie and having him look at her with such similarity was too much. She stands up from the table, "I need a beer."

She grabs a bottle from the fridge, slides around the objects in the junk drawer until she finds the bottle opener. The sizzle from the popped cap leaves the mouth of the bottle, the metal cap is the only thing heard in the room. She takes a sip as she walks back over to the table, setting her bottle down before slumping back into her chair. Jamie looks at her displeased.

"The last thing I wanted was to have you look at me like that."

"Well how did you think I would look at you?"

"I guess I'd hoped to never really have to tell you," she says with a shrugged shoulder.

"Didn't it ever scare you, knowing that you could get caught?"

"That's the thing, I was young and didn't think I would get caught. I was in control, sure of myself and then I met your mom, and not right away but eventually I split my focus, and slipped up enough to compromise some runs..."

"Runs?," he interrupts.

She inhales, "drug runs."

He nods and exhales, _of course_.

"I was threatened, they threatened to hurt your mom and I was genuinely afraid. They knew I had someone in my life that I truly cared about and they could use her to get what they wanted out of me."

"And so you lost her again."

She nods, "I made her want to get away from me. I pushed her away."

"Yeah? What did you do?," he asks without an ounce of pity.

"It's a long story babe," she says and takes another sip of beer.

"Well luckily, my day is wide open," he looks at her in a way that says neither of them are leaving until all of his questions are answered.

She inhales and tilts the beer toward him in silent offering.

 _What?_ , his eyes widen at the gesture, _is she really letting me drink beer?_ He lifts his hand to take it, but it hovers momentarily as he looks up at her warily.

Her breathing ceases as her son looks her over, judging her motivations and most likely, her integrity. The heat in her body rises, she can feel her cheeks flush, while her hand gently swirls the liquid in the bottle. _Please take it._

His fingers surround the bottle, he looks into her eyes as he drags it back towards his chest, before bringing it to his lips to take a sip. His face contorts in disgust, causing muscles that she hasn't used in the last hour to turn to form a smile and she chuckles. He swallows down the contents and nods as if this was the appropriate thing to do. Over the following hour, he grills her, asking anything he possibly can think of, leaving all sympathy behind.

When she hears their front door unlock, initially she's relieved to not have to endure this alone, but then dreads the look she'll have to see on Piper's face. Piper and Harper walk in, Harper is almost immediately asked to leave.

"So," his voice wavers, unable to believe he has to hear this from his other mother, "have you ever been to Belgium?"

She looks at Alex curiously, the brunette averts her eyes. She answers her son skeptically, "yes?"

"For what?"

She's caught off guard, not knowing Alex had planned on telling him today. She's unprepared for the looks she's being given, nor his tone.

"I just traveled there," she tries to say as nonchalantly as possible. She knows it's coming by the look on Alex's face but cant bring herself to tell her son she was an ex-con.

"Even now, you tell me nothing!," he says upset, "like I have no rights to know anything! This place is like prison!"

The word vomit spews from her mouth, "this place is nothing like prison..."

"Well you would know, wouldn't you?!" He pushes back hard from the table, the chair legs screech across the floor, he gets up and walks out of their kitchen.

And just like that, it's out there. Her chest feels like its on fire, like she's been stabbed in the middle, the muscles tighten around the wound. When she can, Piper stands to go to his bedroom to talk to him; the brunette's hand grips around the blonde's forearm and raspily mutters, "let him be."

After what feels like a lifetime of silence he returns, "can I just say, and maybe I'm drunk, but I think I'm more pissed off, that you took such a long time to tell me."

As if being awakened from her journey to meet her maker, his foggy words are intercepted by the aroma of the beer off his breath, she looks at him, "did you drink...," she turns to Alex, "...did you give him beer?"

"Hey, he hates me okay?! It was just a sip!" Piper turns back to him and he catches eyes with Alex knowing it was definitely more than a sip.

"I don't hate you," he shakes his head slightly in clarification.

The brunette pulls her lips to the side in a small frown, she's glad to hear those words, but can't help like she forced a part of her son's childhood to end today. He sees the guilt written all over his ma's face, he bites his tongue as he carefully chooses his words, "it's like, I knew you weren't a Sunday School teacher before I was born...," she cant help but laugh at the thought, "but I didn't think this was what you did either."

"Yeah," she uses all her remaining energy to push herself up.

"Just give me a chance to..."

"What? Get used to the fact that your mom used to be a drug dealer?" Her hand rests on her hip, her other hand drags across her face, upset that her reality has come to the surface before she felt ready.

"No." He tries to form his feelings into words, "that you were a different person before I came along."

She lets go of the breath she didn't realize she was holding in. Her hands cradle his head, as she plants a long kiss on his head, "lemme go check on your sister."

Piper finally takes the seat beside him, "and you!," he says judgingly.

"What?"

"She said she told you from the beginning that she worked with drugs, why would you stick around her?"

Her mouth drops open slightly, her eyes bury into his. She inhales and thinks to herself, _why?_ "Why'd you take the beer?"

"Be-cause shes my mother?"

"No no no," she says wagging her index finger, "so you would've taken one from me?

"No way," he laughs.

"Why not?," she says pretending to be offended.

"Because I know it would be some sort of trick and then you'd punish me for taking it."

She nods in agreement.

"I don't know, when she offered it to me, she really wanted me to take it, like it was okay, cause she was here."

"Mmmhmmm?"

He looks at her wide eyed, like what else do you want me to say? "I hesitated at first, if that makes you feel better. I didn't take it right away."

"Yeah for like what? A second? I hesitated for a hot second too when she told me she worked for an international drug cartel."

He cocks his head intrigued.

"She just has this thing about her, where you know what you're about to do isn't exactly right, but you feel compelled to do it anyway. Is it her charm? I don't know. Around her, you feel a sense of safety, protection."

"Yeah like, she wont let anything happen to you," he adds.

"Yeah. It's a taste of danger with her being your lookout."

He raises the beer as he's seen the adults do when they agree to something.

"Give me that," Piper says swiping it from his grip. "It's a weird trust, because there were times where she didn't come through for me, but I trusted her time and time again."

"Yeah like her going out of her way to embarrass me when I thought she was being cool about Lauren coming over to work on our project."

She laughs, "mmmhmmm."

"Like even though she did that, I still have Lauren come over."

"She just has that quality."


	40. Chapter 40

40

A common Saturday starts with a check of her phone. She wills her eyes to focus and pulls the screen up close to her face looking for a text message from Nichols. Is she meeting me here, am I meeting her at her place, half-way, at the community center?

"What are we doing?," she sends to Nicky via text.

"Wanna just meet there? Slow start this AM," she reads the reply.

Nicky prefers the late Friday night or early Saturday morning meetings as she feels weekends are when people jones for their addiction, the hardest. Sometimes it helps to hear other people struggle more than herself, other times she feels the playing field is even. When Alex arrives, Nichols raises a paper coffee cup that she already got for her friend and hands it to her while the brunette takes a seat.

"How ya doin?," she asks Nicky, while she takes a sip.

"Mm'alright. You?"

"A little better. Everything's still strained, you know, same shit," she says taking another sip of her coffee.

"S'like our church confession Vause."

Their meeting starts, they re-direct their attention to the person who's sharing, and leave an hour later feeling a stronger sense of motivation.

"I just don't know what to say to him."

"Why don't you just do something with him, and see if he talks to you. Or just make small talk."

Once they get home, Alex opens the laptop and sets in on her legs that are bent on the couch. Nicky fills Piper in on Alex's idea to take him to a baseball game and see if they can smooth over some of the tension that's wafting through their apartment.

Thirty minutes later, she takes a deep breath and gets up from the couch. She leans against his open doorway, gently knocking on his door, interrupting his game.

His hand is clenched around the joystick of her old Atari system, he starts yelling as the "sky" is filled with more aliens until he's defeated. His wrist relaxes as he hands the controller to Alex, "can you just get past this level?"

 _Duh_ , her expression reads as she takes the controller. She fires vigorously at the aliens so they dont have a chance to build up, the way Jamie had let them. Less than three minutes later she hands him back the controller. She lifts up slightly from her seat and pulls some papers from her back pocket. "Wanna go?"

* * *

"Well, I need to take her to dance class," Piper says to Nicky as she picks up the scattered coffee mugs and napkins from their living room table.

"You gonna walk?," Nicky asks her.

"Nah, not enough time. I can give you a ride to the station if you want?"

"Right behind ya," she says standing up. She takes note at how quiet the back of the apartment is, and assumes all is going well between the two brunettes.

"Harper let's go," Piper calls out to her.

When Nicky gets into the passenger seat Harper asks, "aunt Nicky are you coming to my dance class?"

"I... do you want me to?"

She nods, "you can watch me!"

Nicky pulls down the sun visor and wrinkles her forehead when she sees how clumpy her mascara is and frowns while she tries to gently minimize the dry dark blobs.

"Harper, aunt Nicky might have other plans. I'll be watching you though."

"Yeah Harper, can't you see I'm busy?," she says widening her eyes and continues grooming.

"Chapman, I've got nothing else going on. Clearly."

"So can you come?"

"Yes," she laughs, "I'm more than available."

"Why do you always call her Chapman?"

Piper naturally grips the steering wheel tighter at her daughter's inquiry. Her friend calls her Chapman all the time, it's been the norm for over a decade, she never thinks twice about it, but can't help the reaction now that her daughter's asking why.

"Because that's her name," Nicky answers her.

"But you don't call me Vauseman."

The wild haired woman, turns around to look back at her Harper, "I could," she says sardonically, "do you want me to?"

"No-ah," the shorter wild haired young lady replies back to her with sass, making her aunt laugh, "Nichols."

"Quick witted smart ass," Nicky mumbles to Piper. "One hundred percent Vauseman," she turns back to the second grader as if taking a dig.

"Yeah right. Harper did you know your middle name is Nicole because of your aunt Nicky?"

She tries to make eye contact with her mother, but cant reach her neck around the headrest. She looks at Nicky, "your name is Nicole?," she asks her with fascination.

"Mmmm."

Harper's face is almost immediately taken over by a huge smile, making her aunt laugh once again. "What about Harper?," she pressed her mother for more tidbits of why she's called what she's called.

"From your aunt Polly and the author of one of the most wonderful, beautifully written books in the whole world."

She picks at pink tights that mask the legs that swing happily in the back seat of their car.

Throughout her class, every fifteen minutes or so, she checks to see if her mom and her aunt are still watching. Nicky waves every time, while Piper swirls her finger around telling her to pay attention. When her class breaks for water, the waiting area loses it's tranquility and is replaced by the excited chattering gossip of twenty young girls.

"This is Miss Chessie," Harper tells her aunt over the noise. The slender woman looks down at the woman Harper's talking to. She stands up, "Nicky," she says somewhat amused by Harper's cuteness while she introduces two of her favorite people to each other.

"Her name is Nicole," she tells her dance teacher, spreading the news, that as far as she's concerned, should be on the cover of every paper. Nicky grabs Harper's head, like she's the chosen prize that's won with the claw, and shakes it.

"Nice to meet you Nicole."

She raises her hand, "please, Nicky." She waves her hand around the room and leans in closer so they can hear each other better, "this is a lot of work!," she says at a chuckle, acknowledging how many students there are.

"It can be, but they're good. I think they all really enjoy it," she says assessing how many more still need to get water. "She's really picking up quickly," she says to Piper in regards of Harper's progress.

"Yeah?," she says and looks at Harper, "maybe. When she pays attention." Harper fights a fit of giggles and leans against Nicky's leg.

"C'mon girls, back in," Chessie says to the entire room. "Well, enjoy the second half," she says to Harper's fan box.

Throughout the second half of class, they both wonder how Alex and Jamie are doing together.

* * *

She grabs her jacket, and holds out a hooded sweatshirt for Jamie as he stands up from tying his sneaker. He just looks at her.

"You should take a sweatshirt," she tells him wiggling it out for him.

He takes it from her, but replaces it back on the coat rack, "I don't want one."

They step outside into the breezy, autumn air. She instinctually pulls her jacket tighter around her ribcage and runs her hands up and down her arms. If she's cold, then it must be freezing. She turns back to him, "wanna go back and grab it?"

"I don't need one. I think I know what I need!"

"Alright!," she tells him, while she crosses her arms and heads toward the train to Yankee Stadium.

While they're walking around the stadium to get to their section, she asks him if he wants a hot dog, each time they pass a new cart.

"Ma! You're driving me crazy. I'll just get one when the guy comes over by our seat."

After climbing over the legs of other fans, they finally settled into their seats among the Bleacher Creatures, his favorite section. After the first inning, a guy carrying the padded square bag of concessions walks by shouting, "hot dawgs, git yer hot dawgs hea."

He nods at her before she can even ask, she puts her arm up and throws the guy a peace sign. The man hands her two hot dogs,

"what, you don't want one?," Jamie asks her.

"Yeah?," she says handing her son one.

"I need two," he says as if she's insane to think one hot dog was going to sustain him the whole afternoon, "I'm a growing boy."

She hands him her hot dog and asks the guy for another one. She hands him a twenty, receiving no change. "Twenty dollars for the ass of the animal, I swear."

He wants to laugh, but he holds back and adds, "I'm gonna need ice cream later."

"James, it is freezing," she quips.

He shrugs his shoulders, "the one that comes in the hat," he clarifies while nodding, fully aware that he's being a brat. She's been walking on eggshells around him and he wants to see her get mad. Instead she looks over the crowd of heads, looking for someone who might be walking around with soft serve. She turns the other way and squints her eyes, trying to see or remember if they passed one of the booths that sold ice cream on the way to their seats.

He sees her searching and he shoves her arm, "stop," he whines.

"I thought you said you wanted ice cream?," she looks at him sadly confused.

"Why are we even here?"

"Can't I go with my son to a baseball game?," she says louder than a normal speaking voice causing a couple of people to turn around at the peanut gallery behind them. My son, she mouths to them all and points to him. He shrinks, slumping down deeper along the metal bench. "I... wanted us to have a nice day."

"You don't even like baseball."

"I like it just fine. I miss watching you play." The breeze blows by, the chill hangs in the air, he crosses his arms and leans forward onto his elbows. She knows he's cold, but he'll never admit it.

There's some silence between them for a while before he says, "remember you used to wear a catcher's mask when you practiced pitching for me in the park?" He can't help but laugh, Piper always called her Hannibal Lecter when she wore the mask.

"You couldn't control where you hit back then. It was a choice against vanity, an executive decision to protect my face." She watches him bounce his legs up and down, his hands still roam his arms.

"And how you tried to get the guy who worked at the batting cages to check the speed on the pitch machine," he starts cracking up, "because you were certain they were coming eighty miles per hour."

"They were fast! You were little."

"I was fine, you were the one screaming!," he shakes his head, "you hate baseball," he reiterates continuing to bounce his legs.

She can't stand it anymore, she takes off her jacket and puts it over his shoulders. He looks at the sleeve of her jacket that hangs in front of his chest, "I don't want it."

He starts to take it off, she puts her hand over his, "leave it alone." She removes her hand after a minute, he leaves her jacket in place, welcoming the warmth.

"Can you please look at me?"

He cant. He keeps his eyes straight on the game. He doesn't want to need her, but he still does. She's such a pain in his ass, she's always there, she's almost always right, she's relatively reasonable. But when she's not there, and she's wrong and expects him to do as she says, not as she does, he struggles to see her as this other person.

"J,"... her voice questions, begging for him to look at her, but he doesn't. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

He speaks in a monotone voice, "why don't you love me even more and get me ice cream?"

Stunned, she stands up and walks out of the row. He doesn't turn his face to look at her but feels the heat from her body leave his side and can see her vanishing from the corner of his eye.

She returns half an hour later, wearing a Yankees hoodie, and holding a plastic navy blue mini- hat, full of vanilla ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.

She sits down next to him and hands him the ice cream.

His eyes widen, "mom! I wasn't serious! It's freezing out!"

She looks at him with disbelief.

"You don't have to buy me all this crap in order for me to know! Is this what you did with mom when you messed up? Try to buy her love?"

"No. Not intentionally anyway. I liked spoiling her."

"Don't try so hard. I hate you like this. I know you love me, you tell me all the time." He leans back eyeballing the hoodie shes wearing, and tries to refocus, he mumbles so only she can hear, "you've shown me, my whole life, okay?," he admits to her. "I just want you to act normally around me."

"A lot of things have changed," she tells him simply, "and I wish they hadn't."

"But they did. Just, don't act weird around me now. Weird-er."

She crosses her eyes at him momentarily until she can see him smile.

He looks at the hoodie again, "trade?"

"Nope," she says. "This is really comfortable," she says laughing as she removes the sweatshirt for him.

He stands up to put it on, he puts his hands in the pockets and faces her. She nods in approval. He sits back down and mumbles toward her, "gimme the fucking ice cream."

She laughs and gives him the half melted dessert in the plastic hat.

"I hate you," he says around a mouthful of ice cream.

"No you don't."

"No...I don't."

* * *

Toward the end of her class, the girls line up along the barre and are allowed to freestyle across the room one by one. They end most of their classes this way, literally letting their hair down, leaping, turning, breakdancing along the wooden floor.

"Her hair," Piper laughs out as her daughter's clips desperately try to hold back her now loose sweaty curls, from her eyes.

"I know right? Not a hair out of place," Nicky replies.

"What? It's everywhere, like it always is," she looks at Nicky curiously.

"Yeah... I was just kidding."

Piper slowly turns her head back to her child's class, noting how perfectly smoothed back, her daughter's dance teacher's hair is. As the girls are dismissed, the waiting room once again becomes pretty loud. Piper starts pulling things from Harper's bag to layer over her now sweaty dance clothes. Harper's dance teacher gives quick feedback to some inquiring parents before making it towards the space on the floor where Harper is sitting, trying to pull on her pants.

Piper starts pulling her hair back in a messy bun, when Harper says "I can do it." She rakes her hands through her hair many times, struggling to tie it in a hair elastic.

"What's the matter Harper?," her dance teacher crouches down to ask.

"We left the full bottle of hairspray at home," Piper jokes in reference to what they had to do to get it tamed to recital-level standards.

She shakes her head, "That was something else."

"Got any tips?," Nicky asks her, needing to say something to this woman, but not knowing what.

The dance teacher just smiles at her. She turns back to her student, who's laying on her back now, exhausted from getting her hair back up, "great job today Harper."

"Thanks Miss Chessie," she beams, proud to have pleased her dance teacher.

"Bye Miss Chessie," Nicky echoes.

Harper sticks her foot up, so Nicky can tie her shoe, while Piper starts with her daughter about asking someone if they can help her before shoving her foot in their face.

Her dance teacher walks back over to Nicky, "it's Francesca."

Nicky's hands stop working, she leans up from her curled position and looks over her shoulder. "Francesca," she says her breath almost catching in her throat.

Harper mouths it, breaking it down, Fran-ches-kuh. Harper looks at Nicky with an expression she hasn't seen her make before, "well I'm going to go to the bathroom before we head out," she stands up.

"Harper do you have to go?," Piper asks her, bending down to finish tying her daughter's shoes.

"No."

"You should try to sweetie," she insists.

"I don't have to go."

Nicky heads away, as she's the only person who has to pee at that exact moment.

"So, is she your sister?," Harper's dance teacher asks Piper.

"Nicky? No, she's just a really good friend."

"Oh, I thought maybe she was, because it's so similar... the hair," she says gesturing toward Harper.

Piper laughs, "no, that was just a lucky coincidence. The curls are on my side, one of those skip-a-generation, type of things."

Francesca nods and looks back toward the closed bathroom door, before she speaks at a lower voice, "I don't mean to pry, but... what's her situation?"

Piper's eyes widen, she can't believe this, "I knew you couldn't care less about my lineage," she says pulling the strap of her purse over her shoulder. "Depends on who's asking."

Francesca looks into Piper's eyes. "For you?," she confirms.

The dance teacher sucks her teeth. Piper nods, "she might be single."

"She's looking for a princess," the youngest Vauseman/professional eavesdropper adds.

"Harper!," Piper turns and looks at her.

"What? She is."

"Go sit over there," she points to a chair a few feet away.

Francesca leans over the front desk and scribbles her cell on the back of a business card. "Can you just take this and see if she's interested?"

"Absolutely," she says receiving the card.

Piper squeezes Harper's hand on the sidewalk and raises her index to her mouth, telling her to keep quiet. Once they're on the road, Piper hands Nicky the card,

"her cell is on the back."

"You asked her for her number?!"

"She gave it to me. For you. And asked me about your situation."

"And I told her you wanted a princess!," Harper says from the back.

"You told her that?," she asks stunned that her niece remembered, "oh my God."

* * *

"Alex. Alex Vause," she tells the doorman and looks down at the floor, her relfection looks back at her from the marble tiling, as the man checks over a pre-approved list of expected visitors.

"I won't be on that list, can you let him know I'm here?"

Her fingers curl toward her wrist, she plays with the cuff of her brown leather jacket as she tries not to stare at the doorman on the phone. She hear's the "s's" of his whispers, he puts the phone over his shoulder, "Mr. Dolger doesn't think..."

"Look," she looks at his name tag, "Charles, I'm not leaving until I get to speak to him so if he'd like me to wait outside until he leaves for work in the morning, so be it. But why postpone the inevitable?"

He glares at her momentarily, she crosses her arms and pleads internally that this guy will not have her stake out, because she will.

"17 B Ms. Vause."

"Thank you," she says briefly coming to her toes as she squeezes the edge of the lobby table. She walks toward the elevator, the tap of her shoes echo throughout the large space. She hits the button for 17 and watches the door close. She runs her pointer under her bottom lip, ensuring her lipstick hadn't run. Get your shit together Alex, she says to herself in the mirrored wall of the elevator. She walks down the dimly lit carpeted hallway until she's in front of 17B. She presses the doorbell and almost immediately Lauren answers, "hi Alex," she says as she opens the door wide for her to come in.

"Hi sweetheart."

"Ms. Vause," Lauren's father comes to stand by his daughter in the entryway.

"Please, call me Alex."

"What can I do for you Alex?"

She peers at Lauren from the side of her eye and then looks back at him, silently asking him to have her leave. He points a finger toward the back of the apartment; the girl briefly looks at Alex before retreating behind one of the doors down the hall. He doesn't invite her to sit down, he doesn't ask if she wants anything to drink. His feet do not move from the spot where he stands, "what can I do for you?"

"My son," she breathes in and swallows, "he was very upset when Lauren told him you didn't want her spending time with him anymore. From what I understand, she was as well."

"It's not my job to keep my daughter pleased. It's my job to make sure she's safe and taken care of."

"Of course..."

"And I'd prefer that she stay away from people who have difficulties abiding by our laws."

"As would I for both of my children," she says slightly offended. "I have nothing to do with that anymore. Nor does my wife. We served our time, complied with probation, started over."

"Look, I'm not allowing her to hang out in the home of an ex-con," he says and starts to step forward to the door.

She moves slightly toward his outstretched arm, "the ex con's have been making sure your kid eats dinner once, sometimes twice a week. They've been making sure that she safely makes it back to your doorstep at night, that she gets advice on what dress she looks the prettiest in, when her father needs to spend all day and night at work."

He runs his tongue along the underside of his back teeth, "And I'm grateful for that..."

"I don't judge you, okay? I get that you bust your ass to make a comfortable life for her. But I've busted my ass to change who I am so I could look my kids in the eye and ask them to judge me for the person they know now, not the person I was. I'm asking you to do the same."

His eyes shut briefly, he breathes in easily.

"I'm sure being a lawyer, you've done a couple of things that don't exactly buy you an express ticket through the Pearly Gates."

He exhales with a scoff.

"I will not let him be punished for something that I did, something I did...twenty years ago. Our door will always be open for her, I hope you allow the same for my son." She takes a step back before pivoting to open their door.

"How do I know she'll be safe?"

Her face grimaces, "you don't? Just like you don't when she walks to school in the morning. You equip them with what you know and hope they follow the same precautions that you would when you leave your home."

"It's not good enough," he states to her, parent to parent.

"No, it's not is it? So you slightly stalk them, now and then, and you let them know they can call you with anything."

He looks at her curiously.

"And when they screw it up, you throw them a fiesta in front of the girl they like, and hope they never do it again."

He laughs, "yeah she told me about all of that."

She smirks, "I didn't make the best decisions. But I'm not a bad mom. My son," she pauses, guiltily, "he had _no_ idea."

Lauren's father nods, his lips pull into a straight line, in slight remorse for being the reason her son now knew.

"It's not part of our lives anymore."

* * *

He lays on his stomach, the side of his cheek presses against the seat of their couch, his cell phone buzzes on the table, Lauren.

"Hey," he reads, and turns onto his side, he keeps his phone angled into the couch. A moment later it buzzes again, "U there?"

"Yeah," he waits a minute, before adds his thought-felt addition, "hi."

"Guess what?"

"?"

"Wow, first message in 3 weeks. Could u try to be excited to talk to me?"

"Sorry, ::jazz hands:: lol"

"Idiot. lol. My dad said it would be okay if we hang out."

"What? Really?," he texts and sits upright.

"Your mom came by."

"Alex," she texts a moment later to clarify which one. He knows, as Piper's been doing whatever it is moms do around the house.

As he's leaving school the next day he normally turns left to head to the fields for practice, but he sees Lauren standing just slightly over to the right. She sees him coming and cant help but smile. After a second of awkwardness, she pulls him into a hug.

"It's good to see you."

"I've seen you. I saw you playing soccer a few times here and there, are you going now?," she says looking at him in his soccer stuff.

"You could've come over and said hi."

"You were pretty pissed last time I talked to you."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't mad at you."

"But you yelled at me."

"I shouldn't have called your father those names, I'm real sorry about that. I was upset thinking it couldn't be true but..."

"I know. I get it, there had to be something right?"

His eyebrow lifts.

"Cause they're great! So there had to be something messed up about them right?"

"You and great," he says back to her.

They find themselves walking away from school and toward his apartment.

"Vauseman you coming to practice?," his friend Joey calls from about fifteen feet away.

No answer, as it's requiring his full attention to actually hear what shes saying versus getting lost in the few new freckles across the bridge of her nose.

He offers her his hand, she quickly takes it, he notes how good it feels to feel her fingers intertwine with his own.

"Earth to Vauseman...," his friend Joey calls out to him with a couple of their other teammates cracking up that he's dazed.

"Tell coach I had to go home or something, cover for me."

They stop at the pizzeria along the way, "how many do you want?," he asks her.

"One," she says and grabs onto the counter.

"Can I get three slices, and...," he turns to her, "what do you want to drink?"

"I'll just get a cup of water."

"What do you want?," he asks her again.

"Jamie it's okay."

"Lauren."

"A cherry soda."

"...and a cherry soda and a root beer."

They step into his house, "ah," she says as he closes the front door, "seriously always smells so good in here."

The apartment is quiet, they go into his room, he flips on the tv. When he turns around, she's standing still.

"You can, like, sit down," he says with nervous laughter.

He sits in the corner of his bed and turns his side light on. She sits down and leans up against his wall.

He gets up and turns his main light off, and sits back down next to her. She leans into his side, her head rests against his shoulder. He puts his arm around her.

"I missed you," she tells him.

He leans down, adjusting until they're laying down. He keeps his arm around her, "I missed you too."

He kisses her softly. When she pulls back, he opens his eyes.

"What's the matter?," he asks her.

"Are we...?," she starts.

He immediately becomes nervous, as she doesn't know where she's about to take this. "Am I... am I still your girlfriend?"

He tries not to laugh, "you don't hafta ask." He touches her gently in reassurance.

"You never asked me, like officially."

"I didn't know I was supposed to?"

She looks down and places her palm on his chest.

"I mean you are, if you want to be?"

She nods, he presses his forehead against hers, before kissing her again.

The amount of time that has passed is unclear, when his front door closes and he hears Piper, "Jamie?"

He bolts out of the bed, hits his main light on and lands on the floor in precisely 1.62 seconds flat. He turns to Lauren, and motions at her frantically to get off his bed.

As soon as she's on the floor, Harper walks in, "Lauren!," she says excitedly and gives her a hug.

Piper is not far behind her, when she sees her son and Lauren sitting on the floor, the news is on, their backpacks are by the front door. She can't help but notice his wrinkled comforter and the lingering, double head shaped imprint in his pillow.


	41. Chapter 41

41

Her chin turns towards the kids on the floor, her eyes cannot break the gaze with the pilllow that is now rising from it's depressed center. She doesn't want to stare at it, so she forces her eyes to the ground, but finds them creeping back up-back up to see if she sees what she thinks she saw, or if it was some kind of ill hallucination. She sees the pillow continue to rise, at the slowest pace humanly possible, as if its mocking her, drawing her gaze back, but she turns away again. It's like when someone's ass is hanging out the bottom of their shorts, you don't want to look at it, but it's there and you can't help it, and you can't help but wonder from their perspective: can you not feel the draft?

 _Could you have straightened out the bed so your mother, who isn't even sure if you've kissed this girl yet, does not have to play the reel of the "DID YOU?!" series? My son will be the death of me, I can feel it. I mean you've essentially been able to spent time out of school for what? Not even 24 hours! Was this like a make up thing? Oh my good lord, was it?!_

 _He hasn't looked at you, his face is fixated on the news, your daughter has her fingers running all through this girl's hair. You can't remember what her hair looked like when you first walked in. Was it a mess or did your child destroy it in the last ten seconds?_

"What are you guys up to?," she finally asks, as if she can't clearly see that the news is on and they have not been paying an ounce of attention to it.

"Just stuff for school," he says, as if it's no big deal. _Please leave._

"Oh," her voice sounds younger than it normally does, meek.

She steps out of his room, and leans her back against the wall. _How do I tell them to get out of his room?_ , she questions. Harper's in there, she reasons, and gains the strength to walk away before she says something she'll regret. She walks toward their kitchen, to take inventory of the fridge, when she sees their backpacks sitting by the coat rack, near their front door.

Her feet freeze in place, she pulls out her phone, but she cant see the small letters. Her hand slaps around the pockets of her body in search for her reading glasses, she starts her text, but continues to lift her head to see the bags.

"Bring home condoms," she texts and hits send. She walks closer to the bags and squats down next to them; she sets her phone on the floor and stares at the bags, trying desperately to figure out how they could potentially be doing "stuff for school" without their backpacks.

Soon after, Alex comes home,

"Why didn't you text me back?," she asks Piper while putting her stuff down.

"What?"

"You send me a ridiculous message and then don't answer my replies."

Piper eyeballs her phone that she left on the floor, "I silenced it, sorry," she says pointing to the device on the floor.

Alex retrieves the phone next to her son's backpack and brings it to Piper, while she leans on the kitchen table.

"Pipes?," she asks her wife who's somewhat dazed, "I'm trying not to freak out here...," she slides the plastic bag from the drugstore toward the blonde, "do I get some kind of extra wife points in my bucket for picking these up?"

Piper peaks into the bag and pushes them away at a huff.

"I thought we were passed this point in our relationship," the brunette says with a nervous chuckle. "Can't say I've ever had to buy these before. The cashier must've thought I was with some kind of stallion."

The blonde just glares at her wife, no words are uttered. "Pipes they're just to show him how to put them on...right?"

She slowly shrugs a shoulder, "they were laying on his bed."

"Wait...him and Lauren? Naked?! She's here?"

"She's gone. I don't know Alex!"

"Pipes were they wearing clothes or not!?"

"Yes," she says disgruntled as she rubs her hands over her cheeks, "they had clearly just been fooling around in his... on his bed when I came home."

The brunette frowns.

"I called out for him when I got home, his light went on and I heard Harper shout out "Lauren!," so I went down to his room and his bed was a mess and they were staring at the news. The _news_ Alex!"

She smirks at her wife's mini-tantrum, "so what did you say?"

"I froze, I just asked them what they were doing and he told me they were doing homework!"

"Maybe they had been doing homework on his bed, but they moved because he knew you'd be upset?"

"They didn't even have a book out. Their backpacks...," she points to his backpack that is still by the door, "weren't even in his room."

"Ah J," Alex chuckles while she shakes her head at their son's poor attempt to cover his tracks.

"Alex it's not funny!"

"It's not!," she agrees while failing to stifle her laughter, "Pipes maybe they were messing around, but he's not there," she says pulling the condom bag away from Piper's side of the table.

"How do you know?," she says, stopping the brunette's hand from dragging the bag away from her, "he wouldn't look at me, like he was caught doing something that he shouldn't have been doing." She squeezes the box through the bag.

"I don't know, I just...he's not ready for that, they've only kissed."

"He has kissed her? You're sure?," her eyebrows lower, "how do you know?"

"Babe look, it doesn't matter how I know. What matters is 1) I do know, and I feel like I can safely gauge that he is absolutely not there and 2) if I need to find something out, I can, alright?"

She peers at her with a hardened stare before nodding in agreement, grateful for her wife's manipulative ways. She sighs, "he's only twelve."

"Almost thirteen. C'mon Pipes how old were you for your first kiss?"

"That's irrelevant."

"Touched a girl's boob? No, wait, _that_ would be irrelevant. Let someone touch _your_ boob?"

"Stop!" She sighs again and places her hand on the bag, "I still need to talk to him."

"Piper don't give him a box of condoms, he doesn't need them yet," she says stacking her hand over Piper's and the cardboard box of deviousness.

"Do you really think he's going to come and ask us to get him condoms when he is?! I'd rather him have them, than be too embarrassed to ask us for them and then be unsafe okay?"

"Do what you want Pipes, at least tell him to check the expiration date on them before he uses them." She pushes back from the table, somewhat annoyed that they're not meeting eye to eye. She picks up his backpack and makes her way down the hall. She drops it inside his doorway, "next time you tell your mother you're doing homework, make sure your backpack's in the room."

Piper paces around their bedroom, chatting with Polly about how to navigate this conversation, as Alex doesn't think it's necessary. She flops onto their bed,

"and how am I supposed to get him to tell me where he is, in this little relationship of his? Because apparently _someone_ ," she looks at Alex dramatically, "knew that he's already kissed her and didn't think it was necessary to fill me in on this information." The brunette curls onto her side and adjusts her book so she can re-immerse herself into the ostentatious world of Chelsea Handler. She sees Piper's shadow, cast from the lamp, dart around the room as Polly gives her two cents.

"And I appreciate that but I want to be the one to talk to him. It may not be the most comfortable, but I should be able to have this conversation with him, shouldn't I?"

Is that why she was trying to avoid the conversation? Discomfort? No, the brunette reasoned, if she felt like the time was right, she'd agreed to give him the condoms and have this conversation with him. But would the time ever feel right?

"Alright, I wont, I wont. Thanks."

She dramatically leaves the condoms behind and exits their room to talk to Jamie. "Are you busy?," she asks him, stepping into his room.

"Kind of," he says while finishing a sentence on his loose leaf paper.

"Actually doing school work this time?," she says sarcastically.

He looks up at her, "yes."

"Can I talk to you for a minute... about... that?"

"Mom, I really need to finish my homework, I have a ton left. I still have to read this chapter for English, and outline this stupid paper, and do this quiz for math..."

"I'll be quick then," she justifies.

He flips through his book and keeps his eyes on the floor.

"When I came home, before, were you and Lauren..."

He cuts her off, "were me and Lauren, what?"

"Jamie. I know you really like her."

"Mom! We weren't doing anything."

"You weren't laying down in your bed?," she asks seriously.

"We were just laying down."

"Did you kiss her?"

"I've kissed her a hundred times. She's my girlfriend."

"She's your girlfriend," she says digesting. _What does that mean?!_

"Yes?," as if this news hadn't become finite, an hour earlier.

"Why didn't you tell me you've kissed her before?"

"What am I supposed to do? Just come home and be like 'hey mom, guess what I did today during study hall? I didn't study at all actually. In fact, I made plans to sit in the back corner with Lauren and make out? NBD, just thought you'd like to know. Or I could write it for you on a post- it and and stick it on the fridge, 'P.S. Next time you give me twenty minutes to myself, we plan on going to my room to make out on my bed, so if you could call first to give me a heads up, that would be great thanks?'"

She stands next to him dumbfounded. A smirk makes its way across her face, and she shoves him slightly. _Had she expected him to prance around her, giving her a ticket to the movie of his personal life?_ "I just don't want you to do anything too fast, okay?"

"I know mom."

"You don't know. Once you do certain things, you can't take them back. You want to wait until that person is special Jamie."

"Mom I know. Until we've spent enough time together and really know each other. It will mean more. I know."

"Because it changes everything, you want to really trust that person and have them trust you back."

"Mom-I-know."

"And even when you do trust them, you should still always use...protection."

"Mom!"

"What?! Jamie, I will not have something happen to you or her because I didn't have this conversation, okay? So shut your mouth and let me say my piece."

He throws himself backwards, disengaging from his end.

"You should know how to use a condom. I want to make sure you know how so you don't make any mistakes."

"Mom, they showed us how to put a condom on a banana, like the second day of school. I know how to do it. I don't need to know, but I know. Okay? Can you please let me finish my homework?"

"No. You know you can get infections, other ways too."

"Yes, I know, you can cut the condom and make a square and use it as a barrier. Mom, please, I'm begging you."

"Okay, well there'll always be some in the house. I'll just put them under the bathroom sink or something okay?"

"Whatever you want mom, great. I can get them from school too, the nurses office has them."

"Okay," she leaves him alone and goes back to her room. She finds her wife still curled onto her side, the sheet covers the bottom half of her legs, the pale skin of her thighs poke through the silky grey fabric of her shorts.

She drinks her in, and kneels into their bed, "so...that went well."

"Yeah?," she asks somewhat shocked while turning onto her back.

"Yeah. So he said his school already had the condom conversation with him, last year, and he could get them from the nurse... when he needs them. So, you were right, okay? He's not there."

"Ha," she says with a smirk though inside can't actually believe the school felt it was necessary to cover this territory already.

"What?," the blonde asks her as she sees Alex biting her smirk.

She chuckles a little, "I'm always down for bragging rights, but he's...well fuck, he's twelve."

"Almost thirteen," she whispers, teasing her wife's words back at her. "His answers were appropriate, just hope he listens to the little voice." She strokes the brunette behind her neck and pulls her in close, she kisses her tenderly, "he'll be alright."

The brunette takes note of the slow kiss and eyeballs their doorknob. Piper crawls backwards off the bed, and locks their door. She crosses her arms and pulls her white t-shirt over her head and tosses it on the bed beside the supine brunette. She walks slowly back over to the bed, throwing some hip action with her strides. She lays down beside the brunette and slips her hand down the front of the brunette's shorts.

 _Dry_. "Am I not doin it for you?"

"Its the menopause."

Piper rolls her eyes with a smile, "sure it is," she says playfully as she rolls over Alex some and moves her hand around her drawer. She grabs some lubricant.

"No," the brunette comes up onto her elbows as the cap pops open on the bottle, "just, can you give me a chance?"

Piper takes her face in her hands and pulls her close in a kiss, "what if I'm ready now? Am I supposed to wait for you?" She straddles her thighs and takes her time sensually brushing her hands through Alex's hair. She bounces around slightly on the brunette's lap, purposely making her breasts bounce. She raises an eyebrow, but Alex just shakes her head at Piper's joke of an attempt at getting her aroused. The blonde's hand roam over the brunette's pale back, until she finds the clasp of her wife's bra and unhooks it, releasing the ample flesh. She pulls the brunette's black tank top up and rests the fabric above her chest, "see, this is just unfair," she cups the underside of one of the brunette's breasts and heaves it upward. The brunette's eyebrows come together slightly. "Two breastfed kids and mine are still small. If mine looked like this, I'd barely need to touch you and we'd have to change the sheets."

The brunette smirks, "have I ever complained about yours?," she asks with a quick flick of Piper's nipple. The blonde shakes her shoulders as chills run over her body. The brunette chuckles as she runs her hands up and down the blonde's arms willing her chicken skin to recede. She hands her back her thin white t-shirt, Piper pulls it over her head, disheveling her hair. Her hardened nipples poke through the fabric, the brunette stares and feels the moisture begin to collect between her legs. Piper takes note of the brunette's line of vision, her hand pulls the brunette's chin up, "take a picture;" the palm of her hand rests on the brunettes cheek, she pushes her face away bashfully.

Alex tickles her nipple rolling it back and forth, while Piper's fingertips brush up and down her inner thighs, "tell me what you want me to do to you."

"Just... touch me."

"No. Specifics."

The brunette grunts with small reluctance.

"You asked me to give you a chance."

"I'm good now, thanks to your smuggled tic tacs."

The blonde looks down at her chest, "thanks guys. So.. you want me to touch you...," her voice trails off as the palm of her hand drags down the pale torso of her wife, resting at her lower abdomen. The brunette exhales with need. Piper lays her body along that of the brunette, the skin of their stomach's are pressed together with sticky heat.

"Are you wet?

The brunette glares at her heavily, "why don't you check?"

"Mmmm," the blonde elicits as her fingers are coated in her wife's arousal. She moves her slippery hand in wide circles brushing past her clit no quicker than every few seconds. It feels like an eternity, anticipating the contact at her most sensitive spot, she wants to keep Piper's hand right where she wants her most. She likes to tease, she doesn't like being the recipient; she moves her hips in rhythm with Piper's hand, raising them each time the blonde teases her. Lost in the moment, she doesn't know how long the contact has been broken when the skin along her torso feels cool. She opens her eyes, Piper's kneeling between her legs, her hand still working her over, her eyes stare at the brunette's sex.

The brunette folds her leg in some toward her center, self consciously. Piper pushes her leg back wider, with a chuckle, "you're sooo wet."

* * *

She twists the base of her pajama shorts in her fist and releases it. The hair elastic that can only be twisted once over her ponytail, holds her hair away from her face. She leans her elbow onto the countertop of the kitchenette in her studio, her index finger swirls the business card around the formica. She exhales and dials the number.

"Hello?"

"So, is this really your number or were you just fucking with me?"

"Who is this?"

"Nicky?"

"Um?," there's hesitation.

"Harper's aunt? Finger in the socket."

"Oh, OH! Nicole?"

"Hey, if you're going to keep going with that, we should prob end this before it starts."

Laughter is heard from the other end. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just messing with you. I thought you weren't going to call."

"Sorry it took a few."

"That's alright, you know just spent the last few days overanalyzing everything that could possibly be wrong with me. No biggie."

Nicky chuckles, "so, you like what you saw huh?"

"Oh, I'm glad you didn't have to work so hard to get back your confidence there." Nicky smirks and plucks around with the ends of her hair.

"Sorry I didn't just give you my number directly. I just didn't want to be rejected face to face."

"You don't have to justify your chickening out. So how's your week looking? Would you be up for getting a drink?" She opens and closes the doors to her kitchen cabinets repeatedly.

"Yeah, a drink would be great. How's Friday night?"

"Ah, Friday nights aren't good for me. Would Thursday night work?"

"Thursday night is fine, but then I really can only have one drink. I'm holding you responsible for that."

"Not a problem." Thursday seems like so far away. "Maybe I'll pick up Harper earlier in the week."

"Maybe I'll keep my eyes pealed."

"Night Francesca."

"See you soon Nicky."

Despite her casual offers to bring Harper from school to dancing school, Alex assured her that she'd be dropped off by another classmates parent. Alex knew she'd gotten digits from Harper's dance teacher, via nonchalant admission from Piper. "I guess you could pick her up from dancing school for me."

"Yeah, definitely, if that'll help you out I mean."

"Yeah it'll _really_ help me out."

Nicky gets to Harper's dance school, an hour ahead of schedule and peaks through the plexi- glass at her niece and subtly wags her fingers at Francesca before taking a seat. Soon after Alex comes in and takes a seat beside her.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Coming to watch my kid dance."

"I said I'd pick her up!"

"Did you think I'd miss an opportunity to watch you drool over Chessie?"

"I'm not drooling over her. I happen to enjoy watching Harper dance," she raises her hand at her niece who just landed her pirouette from fifth position.

"Yes!," Alex says slapping her daughter an air high five through the glass. "Nick, you got a little something," she rubs her thumb along her bottom lip, "right here."

"Asshole."

"So did you already make plans or what?"

"Were having drinks Thursday night," she says sitting on her hands.

"Well what the hell'd you have to come today for?"

"Just to say hey, nothing else."

"You couldn't wait til Thursday. Jesus."

"Can you please not give me shit for this? Just once I'm asking you to mask that cocky smirk."

"No promises," she says giggling. She stands up and watches Harper some more and subtly checks out her daughter's dance teacher. "She's pretty Nichols."

"She is right? I'm not like blinded by my horniness or anything?"

"Nah, you did good," she reassures her. She looks again at the woman who's teaching her daughter how to angle her foot properly and silently hopes that this woman doesn't break her best friend's heart.

As Harper's class comes plummeting out the door, Chessie talks to Harper on the side,

"Any tips?," she asks the girl before they walk out, "do you know what kind of food she likes to eat for dinner?"

"Chili!," she says excitedly remembering her aunt's favorite food, "she's addicted to my mom's chili!"

"Your mom's chili huh? Well I don't know if I can make that, anything else?"

"Hmmm," she says and taps her foot, "tacos! She definitely likes tacos and Margaret's. My moms and her laughs a lot when they have Margaret's and..."

"That's enough Harper," Alex steps in and cuts her off before she ruins Nicky's chance before she even gets on her first date, "hi," she says acknowledging Nicky's new love interest.

"Hi," she says standing straight up and slowly walking them all out to the waiting area.

"Hi, Nicky," she says and lures the wild haired woman over to a space so they can speak privately. They finalize their plans, Alex catches the bits of flirtation Nicky makes with her mouth as this woman's eyes stare her friend down. It's good to see her out there doing her thing, she thinks to herself. She helps Harper get dressed, her daughter also can't help but feel excited that her aunt is planning on going on a date with Miss Chessie. Harper looks at Alex and giggles, as Nicky makes her way back over to Alex and Harper, she darts over to Miss Chessie.

"And she likes to do crafts. She makes really great bracelets!"

A few days later, Harper runs to the intercom buzzer and let's Nicky in.

Alex confusedly waits by their front door, not expecting Nicky to have stopped by; her tonsils practically oclude her airway, her jaw is dropped so low.

Her hands rest on her friends shoulders, "I think the only time I've ever seen your hair like this was when I got married," she pulls her into a hug. She knows Nicky's stomach is tumbling around if she went to a salon to get her hair straightened.

"Please help me," she says raising her arms which are filled with a bulky garment bag.

"Oh wow, wow!," Harper says excitedly, "your hair is so pretty." She let's the mini Vauseman run her hand over her hair once as she can't help herself.

"Thanks kid," she says nervously. "Vause really I'm gonna ralph. I only did some of my makeup because I couldn't find the eyelash curler and I was gonna stop for one on the way over but I knew you'd have one so I figured I could just use yours."

"Yeah of course, Harper can you go in my bathroom and grab my make up bag? You know what? Just grab the basket under the sink."

She nods excitedly and bolts to her mother's bathroom.

She starts to unzip the garment bag and pulls out two dresses, one that is sleeveless but has a high neck line and one that has a deep boat neck with capped sleeves.

She holds them both up, and before the brunette can give her opinion Jamie traipses past toward the kitchen, "aunt Nicky?," he asks surprised.

"Hi Jamie, wanna help?"

"Not even a little bit. You look really...nice," he says and heads to the kitchen.

She holds both dresses up again and in unison both Alex and Harper both point to her left hand, "that one," the one that holds the dress with with the deep boat neck and capped sleeves.

"Really? You don't think, I'd be...on display?"

"Like you care."

"What if she asks...," the brunette cuts her off.

"Then she asks, and you just tell it like it is Nick." She takes the rejected dress from Nicky and starts putting it away, "are you picking her up or what?"

"Meeting her there."

"Are you going to bring her a flower?," Harper asks as she's learned this is a suitable way to greet someone on a date.

"I wasn't going to. Do you think I should?," she asks Alex as she starts to walk toward their bathroom to change.

"I always think it starts the night on the right foot."

"Agreed on the flower thing," Jamie says sipping his soda and walks back to his room.

She steps into the bathroom, slightly humiliated for mulling over advice from not only her 7 yr old niece but also her 12 year old nephew.

"Just a rose or something simple," Alex reassures her from the other side of the bathroom door. She steps out of the bathroom and looks herself over.

"Nick, I might cry," she says pushing her friend back toward the living room so she can finish her eye makeup.

"As much as I'd love to see you cry over me, if you're eyes are watery, you won't be able to see straight and then you'll fuck up,..." she pauses and looked at Harper, "sorry kid, _mess_ up my face, so if you could hold out I'd forever indebted."

"I'll try to contain myself," she beckons for her to sit by the lamp and tilt her head back. She tries to angle her arm, but can't get a good angle. She has Nicky get up, she takes a seat on the couch and has her friend sit on the floor and tilt her head back. She asks Harper to hold the flashlight on her phone over her aunts face so she can curl her eyelashes and apply her mascara neatly. She uses the little comb removing any excess mascara globs and taps her on the head, "voila!"

Harper squees as Nicky sits up and goes to check herself out in their bathroom mirror. "Can you do makeup for me next?"

"Harper, you wear makeup for recitals only," she says in a tone that she's used time and time again, whenever her daughter asks to wear makeup. She starts to pack up the eyeliner and mascara.

"Please mama, just for pretend," she says pulling the eyeliner back out, "just here on the corners," she points to the edge of her eye indicating she wants a winged tip.

"You always ask me to do it like that."

"But you never want to." She hands Alex the eyeliner and looks at her with sad eyes.

The brunette frowns to the side, "Harper don't give me that look."

She looks back at her mother innocently, "what look?" She blinks slowly working the puppy look that she was born with thanks to Piper and mastered thanks to her brother.

Nicky comes out of the bathroom , "thanks Vause, wish me luck." Harper gives her a tight hug, Alex tells her to relax and just be herself and let her know how it goes. She locks up and Harper follows her every step back into the living room.

Alex flops onto the couch, and snickers at the little face that's inches from her own.

"Come," she says patting the couch. Harper leans into the couch and Alex gently adjusts her so her head it tilted under the light and she begins drawing a line over her daughters upper lid.

"Did grandma Diane do your makeup for you when you were little?"

Her hand freezes at the corner of her eye, "just," she breathes, "in the house like this." She continues the winged tip. "I learned by practicing in the mirror, she didn't like me wearing makeup either," she says pressing her forehead against Harper's. She pulls back and tilts her head to the other side to start on the opposite eye.

"But why?"

"Because your face is beautiful without it. And it makes you look older." She replaces the cap over the pencil and runs a hand over Harper's head.

"Can you make my hair straight like aunt Nicky's?"

"No babe, it'll take a long time and you have school tomorrow."

"Can we try this then?," she asks opening Alex's phone to YouTube. She pulls up a video of a girl mixing water with blue sidewalk chalk and brushing it through her hair.

Alex nervously laughs, did she research this? "Harper...," she starts.

"It washes out," she reasons, "when I take a shower, it will come out. Pleaseeee, I just want to see how it looks."

Hellion! She curses to herself as she's dragged to the bathroom, where she uses a toothbrush to brush a streak of the color through her daughters hair.

* * *

She walks up to the bar, Francesca is standing outside waiting. Her hair is down, it's much longer than she'd ever imagined, and without the gel holding it back in a bun it's more auburn than she realized.

"Well aren't you just an eyeful?"

Francesca's hand immediately moves toward Nicky's hair, her fingers graze the smoothness, "I almost didn't recognize you."

"Yeah I know, I'm quite the peach when I try. Meanwhile I can barely fuckin walk in these," she says bending her leg at the knee so her heel comes close to her ass.

"Yeah well, you didn't have to get all glammed up for me. I like the Janis Joplin hair too, otherwise I wouldn't have given you my number."

Nicky glares at her.

"I mean, I appreciate the Miss Porter's makeover," she says with a laugh, "you look very nice."

Nicky rocks back on her heels, her blush now warming her frostbitten cheeks. "Oh," she unbuttons the top button of her coat and pulls out the rose, "this is for you."

Francesca looks shocked, not taking her for a person who would straighten her hair and buy a date flowers; she takes the rose and looks down slightly at the shorter woman, "thanks it's beautiful. I was sort of expecting a bracelet made of yarn or something."

They stare at each other for a brief moment, Nicky wants to ask what she's talking about but she refrains, "you want to go in?," she points to the door of the restaurant.

"Do you want to look at the menu or anything first? They have taco's, so I thought it would be okay, but there's a Mexican place not far from here if you want something more authentic."

"What? This place is fine," she says not believing this woman is making as much of a fuss as she did over the smallest things. She opens the door and holds it open for Francesca, "how'd you know I like taco's?"

She grins, "I heard from a reliable source, that you liked taco's and that you enjoy doing crafts," her cheeks turn slightly pink as she walks past Nicky into the restaurant.

As they're seated, she asks, "does this reliable source, resemble a muppet?"

Francesca laughs out loud, "maybe. A really cute one."

"I love that kid," she confesses. "So... how'd you become a dance teacher?"

"Didn't make it as a dancer," she says bluntly, "this way I still get to dance, and I can help kids who still might have a chance at making that dream come true."

The waiter comes over to take their drink order, Francesca raises an eyebrow, "margarita?"

"Sure," Nicky says amused.

"Reliable source," Francesca explains, "actually I was told you like Margaret's. Wasn't sure if I should change my name."

Nicky purses her lips and laughs at what she assumes was Harper's attempt to help out her dance teacher, "so you still dance?"

"Everyday. I don't want to be one of those teachers who barks out the steps. I want to be able to demonstrate for them."

"I bet you're flexible."

Francesca tongues her cheek and laughs, "that's more of a second date kind of thing."

"Uh uh, I kind of need to know if you're flexible before I commit myself to a second date."

Francesca sips her margarita and points to the ceiling, "I love this song," she says as Paula Cole's "Feeling Love," plays overhead.

Nicky looks up and tries to make out the lyrics, all she hears is "you make me feel like the Amazon's running between my thighs." She feels her body tense some at the lyrics when she hear's,

"what's with the scar?"

She forks a mouthful of taco salad into her mouth, "that's more of a second date type of thing."

"Uh uh, either you tell me or there is no second date."

Her mouth drops slighty, "you're going to play it like that, huh?"

"I am, someone cracked your chest to make a scar like that. I need the story."

"I needed open heart surgery, to keep me alive...from a septic infection I acquired from using dirty needles... when I shot myself up with heroin."

She eyeballs her for a minute, not knowing if she was serious.

"Aren't you glad you asked?," she raises an eyebrow while stabbing a hunk of avocado.

She takes a deep breath and a moment, "so heroin and Harper's mother's chili?"

Nicky looks up curiously.

"Your addictions," Francesca clarifies, "Harper said you had an addiction to her mother's chili. I'm assuming she didn't mention the heroin because she doesn't know."

"Nah," she shakes her head, "she doesn't know. I'm sure she knows something, her ma's been coming with me to meetings forever. More for the moral support than anything else."

"She's a good friend then?"

"Yeah, shes the best."

"How long have you been clean for?," she asks and sips her margarita.

She puts down her fork, and goes through her purse in search for her wallet. She looks across the table, Francesca has slight worry in her eyes, hoping that she wont say something like one or two months since she last used.

She pulls out a sobriety chip and hands it to her across the table, "I got that chip when I hit fifteen years."

Her eyes go wide as she turns the chip over and over in her hand. She brings it over to the light of the candle and studies the details,"that's quite an accomplishment."

"I know it's just a stupid chip, but it would kill me to have to give it back, or even worse, for it to become a dirty chip that I'd have to look at everyday."

"It's not a stupid chip. I'm sure you went through hell to stay clean and not give into the compulsion."

Nicky's eyebrows narrow, as she nods. She gives her a look inquiring if she's also dealt with drug use. "Did you?"

She shakes her head quickly, "no, I mean I've grown up around dance my whole life, eating disorders and the like, so I'm not a stranger to the whole religion of compulsory behavior, but that was a long time ago." Her hand comes up to hand Nicky back her chip. She takes her hand in both of her own and squeezes, dragging her thumb across the shorter woman's wrist. She keeps one hand on Nicky's and uses her other to lift her glass to toast, "to having more control."

Nicky's eyes come from Francesca's hand and up to her eyes, she chuckles at the irony, to having more control, when I feel like I have anything but. She lifts her glass and clinks it against that of the other woman, causing the margarita to slosh in a slight wave, she chuckles, "to having more control."


	42. Chapter 42

Sandfromoz and Guest-Thanks, that's a big compliment. I love some people's stories and then a character will do or say something and I'm like what? They wouldn't do that and it tears me out of believing anything else. I never saw Nicky with Lorna long term either. I think Nicky would genuinely take care of Lorna and love her monogomously but I think whatever we've seen from Lorna is based on what she needs at the time. And not in a selfish way, she just really wants to be loved (in a fairytale way and seems actually deprived of that in her pre-litchfield life) and she seeks that from Nicky but doesn't realize how bad Nicky has it for her. I was proud of Nicky in season 5, bc it could've gone in any direction (as we saw in S4) and she's not perfect and still had her moment in S5 ( a very hot moment) but long term she really loves her. "The junky philosopher" is a perfect tag for her, (suits what I gather from Natasha as well) she's fascinating and also fun to write.

VonZeppy- if only. Early retirement or id work per diem.

Trindadeca- I'm not doing anything w them now lol- but they spent a lot of time in my head and heart until I got what I wanted for them on paper- the good, bad and ugly.

i don't have plans on adding more lost chapters than what already exists but if there are some ideas I'll null them over. For those of you who haven't read them it's essentialy just pockets of time between Litchfield release and where this story leaves off (so like 5 years from now into the future.) This fic has 54 chapters and I think the lost chaps have 8 or 9. let me know what else you'd want to see- can't promise anything though.

* * *

42

Her daughter hangs onto her as she scoots around on the bathroom sink. She kneels on the vanity and checks out her sky blue hair streak with pride. Her eyes are wide, she blinks dramatically, admiring the winged tips of her mother's black eyeliner. She hops off, does a little dance, throws her hand in the air and says "rock on!"

Alex covers her face with her hands and laughs, "this is only for the house, alright?"

Harper nods enthusiastically and pushes her mother by her hips to have her sit on the lid of the toilet, "your turn."

"Ah no, I don't want a makeover."

"Moooooooom," she whines, "c'mon, just a little bit," she holds up her fingers showing just how little she means. She pulls the smallest piece of Alex's hair and shows her, "see, so little."

"Harps, then I'm gonna have to wash my hair in the morning, and I'm already going to have to wash yours."

"It'll only take five more minutes to wash your hair, now c'mon!," she says and kneels into the space between her mother's legs.

These are the times that aren't worth an argument. She's right, it'll only take a few minutes of additional morning prep. What she desires is some one on one pretend salon time, she isn't hurting anyone, she's deserving of your attention. When she picks up the pencil, you ask her what she's doing, as you thought this was just going to be her moment, moonlighting as a hair stylist. But she looks at you with plead in her eyes, to let her draw lines over your eyes, the way you've done for her. You exhale and try to hide your smile, whether her look is intentional or just her true emotions shining through, you can't say no. You hardly ever can. Who would've thought you'd be the one they could walk all over? You're tough when it matters, you reason, as you close one eye; she gently, manually, closes your other one and tells you to stay still. You crack an eye open, and catch her diligently trying to hold the pencil at a proper angle to do a good job. She sees you, and throws her hands down as she laughs, "mama! No peeking!," she tells you and manually closes your eye again.

Her face is so close to yours, she's breathing normally, but you can hear every breath. _I love you so much_ , you think as you feel the makeup pen come off your lid so many times, you can only imagine what this is going to look like.

A few minutes later, she replaces the cap on the eyeliner, and starts stirring the toothbrush in the wet chalk mixture. You feel her small hands glide through your hair until she gathers a sizable piece to start painting your hair with. She holds her hand underneath the toothbrush each time she goes back and forth between the mixture and your hair, careful not to drip. Once it's coated, she allows you to stand up to see her masterpiece. The eyeliner is very jagged, but considering she hasn't done this before, it could be worse. She clamors up to look into the mirror with you and leans forward the way you're leaning, "twinsies!"

Not quite, you think, as she, like your son, looks nothing like you. But you don't mention it, as she hasn't, herself. She turns to you, her eyes track across your face as she's done many times with you and Piper, mostly while you're getting ready. She watches your process, the rituals of a female: the prodding of skin, the pluck of a random strand of grey that managed to get through your dark colored hair, the array of creams lined up in the medicine cabinet in tiny jars. She watches you apply your moisturizers, concealers, powders, blush, your eye makeup, lip balm and then color. She's seen the before and after, she's seen you sometimes before you've seen yourself in the morning, and she sees you at the end of the day, when the work of the day has worn off the mask you've applied. She can see the lines of age across your face, the scars of old blemishes, the oily skin beneath your lids, the stray eyebrows that you've neglected to keep shaped. So you look right back at her, while she tracks her eyes across your face in awe, like you couldn't be more perfect to her. You're everything she wants to be when she grows up, and while your son is on the verge of becoming a teenager and has yet to be arrested, when she looks at you like this, you can't help but be terrified of her desire.

You kiss her forehead, your lips stay pressed for a long while, she doesn't pull away, instead she wraps her arms around your shoulders and you lift her off the sink. "I love you," you tell her.

In her seven years, she's grown taller, her body is gangly like Piper's was, in photos you've seen around your in-law's house. Her hair is curly, but now that it's getting longer, the weight keeps it under slightly more control. Her weight in your arms, makes you realize how often you don't carry her around anymore. You wonder, is it because she doesn't need you to? But then she smiles at you with her jack-o-lantern mouth and you hear, "I love you too, can you tell me the story of how much you wanted me?" And just like that, she once again feels like the little girl who raced you around the coffee table, the little girl who literally ate from your hand and smushed food on your face while she tried to feed you back, the little girl who pouted in the sandbox and begged you for ice cream, the little girl who came running back into your room with a five dollar bill and pink glitter stuck to her hand, thrilled, that the tooth fairy didn't hold her inability to sleep alone, against her.

You walk into her bedroom and help her change into her pajamas as you tell her the same story you've told her before,

"and I just had too much love in my heart for Jamie, I would've driven him crazy. So I told your mom, we needed another baby."

"But mommy wasn't ready, right?"

"Right, because babies are _a lot_ of work."

"But then she went to the doctor and then came home and told you I was coming!," she says while she raises her arms in the air.

Alex chuckles, "yeah, something like that," she says and pulls her daughter's pajama top over her head.

Harper bounces off her bed and runs out the door, always happy to hear her story. Alex finds her in her room, looking over her bureau at the different perfume selections when she lifts one up and sees her mother in the mirror. She raises up the perfume, asking her if she can put some on. Again, the brunette chuckles and nods. Her daughter spritzes the fragrance, once on her wrists, and rubs them together, "and you didn't know I was a girl right?"

"Nope, we didn't know til the day you we're born."

"And so you and mommy and Jamie called me 'Banana,'" she says spraying the perfume into the air and walks through it.

"That's enough," she says in regards to her perfume, before her daughter took a bath in it. She escorts her daughter out of their room, her hands on her shoulders, "and yes, your brother named you Banana, and we called him Mookie."

She always giggles when hears their baby nicknames. At the sound of "Mookie," Jamie sticks his head out of his door and sees his mother and his sister decked out with their makeup and hair and starts laughing, "digging the Cyndi Lauper throw back hour," he says sarcastically.

"You're just jealous Jamie," Harper retorts.

"Yeah, I'm really jealous."

"You should be," Alex tells him, "not everyday, you just walk around radiating awesome."

"Yeah so awesome," he scoffs.

"Go pick a movie," she tells Harper who sticks out her tongue and runs away moments before Jamie attempts to come after her.

"Do you ever think, what do I gain by making fun of her?," she asks him.

"Oh, I'm making fun of you too!," he clarifies. "And the sheer satisfaction of letting her know that she's a dweeb is plenty for me to gain."

"I don't like when you put her down."

"Ma, I'm just messing with her, she knows that."

She tries to look at him sternly, "she looks up to you."

He tries to be respectful but starts laughing, "I can't take you seriously with the...," he swirls his finger around his eye.

She laughs with him, "seriously though."

"I know I know...hey did aunt Nicky call?"

"No, why?"

"She just looked kinda nervous."

"She is really nervous."

"It's kind of weird that she's going on a date."

"Why's it weird?"

"I don't know, I just think of her as someone who does her own thing. Like she lives on her own and I don't know, she's not the family type?"

"She has a big heart," she says defensively.

"No, I know that. It'll just be weird to see her with someone."

"She's been hurt a lot in the past so she doesn't let people in so easily," she tells him and caresses his head before walking off to watch a movie with Harper.

His eyes sadden slightly, but he nods, not knowing details, he tries his best to empathize.

Later that evening, Piper comes home late after receiving shipments of inventory, Alex and Harper are curled up, fast asleep on the couch, the theme from Harper's movie is on a loop. She watches them for a bit, the way her wife's arm is around their daughter, her hand is cupping her head tenderly, protectively. She bites her bottom lip with wonder at how Harper managed to convince Alex to draw on her eye lids and color her hair.

She nudges Alex gently, and raises her index finger over her lips so she doesn't wake their daughter. The brunette's eyes open, the lights are on all around her, she hears the theme song from Harper's movie; she looks at Piper, then her daughter and laughs through her nose.

"Why is her hair blue?," she whispers questioningly.

"Because she wants to see me cry. I don't know whats so fascinating about the eye makeup and the blue hair."

"She's probably just admiring things about you, like we've all done at one point or another with our mothers."

"She can't admire this awesome sweater?," she says with a flick of her hand at her very plain grey sweater.

"Instead of the punky streaked hair and thick eyeliner? I don't think so." She comes down lower to lift Harper up.

"I got her, just gimme a few to get up."

"It's fine babe, just chill out here for a bit, I'll put her to bed."

"No really, just let her lay here a bit."

Piper lowers her brow just slightly.

"I... I've been so consumed by everything with Jamie, I cant remember the last time I just laid here, with her."

"She cuddles up with you all the time."

"Yeah, but not just like the two of us."

"Okay, well just come to bed when you're ready I guess."

She nods and watches Piper make her way down toward their room.

She turns her neck and looks at her daughter sleep, she can only see her partially, as her cheek is pressed against her shoulder, she has to pull her head back to see her eyelids. "Oh kid, if this is how you are now, what are you going to be like when you're Jamie's age?" She brings her free arm around Harper's back and rubs it in wide circles. She plays with the ends of her curls, and snickers at the sky blue tip. "You will not convince me to avoid a shower in the morning. This is coming out."

A few hours later, Alex wakes up on the couch, with a ping from her phone from Nicky asking "up?," only now both she and Harper are on their sides, Harper is her little spoon. Her movie's theme continues to loop in the background. She weighs staying here for the rest of the night but then knows her back will curse her in the morning so she pushes up off the couch, turns off the movie and picks up her not so little girl to put her to bed.

"Up," she confirms via text.

Her phone rings moments later.

"Are you just getting home now?," she looks at her clock, noting dinner would've been over hours ago.

"I'm in a cab heading home now."

"So I'm guessing it went well," she pokes her head into Jamie's room. Asleep, she closes the door.

"You could say that."

"Could I?," she pokes her head into their room, and sees Piper sleeping with a book over her stomach. She whispers "hang on," into the phone, removes the book and Piper's glasses from her face and turns their light off.

"I'm awake," Piper mutters as their door creaks closed.

"Ok continue," Alex says into the phone and comes into their room, and sits on the edge of her side of the bed.

Piper taps her, "who is it?," she whispers.

"Nicky," she mouths, while Nicky is talking at the other end. "So that's good that she can hold her own around you. I mean that has to give her at least twenty points right?"

"How'd it go?," Piper whispers again.

"Nick, I'm putting you on speaker," she says before her friend continues.

"No judgment Chapman," she says and waits for confirmation.

"Never," Piper says sarcastically, turning onto her side and leaning into Alex's pillow.

"I haven't felt this chemistry in a long while."

"Uh, huh," Alex mutters while changing her clothes, "so she can put up with your bullshit, which in turn makes her more appealing."

"Perhaps. Have you ever seen her hair down? It's really long."

Piper glances at Alex, her gaze is sweet listening to Nicky talk about Francesca.

"I can't say I have Nicks." The brunette pulls a tank top on and crawls underneath the sheet in that and her underwear. "So I know she commented on your mane."

"Yeah she did, but she also said she dug the natural bush whack too, so it's good to know I don't have to tame this shit every time. Shit's exhausting."

"She _straightened_ her hair?," Piper asks Alex, who nods with wide eyes.

"Another ten points," Alex tells her.

"And I...showed her my sobriety chip," she says with some hesitation.

"Oh?," Alex answers while Piper's eyes open wider, "and she was cool?"

"Yeah, she was really supportive Vause, I'm telling you..."

"How'd it even come up?"

"I told you that dress you and cauliflower head insisted I wear was too low cut."

"Hey," Piper says in defense of her cauliflower head.

"Chapman honest, it's not slutty, but it leaves little to the imagination if you catch my drift."

"I think I need some photographic evidence of said dress," Piper tells her.

"When I'm home. It's too dark in the cab. Nah, really though, it was good to bring it up early, instead of worrying about how she'd take it on another date, you know?"

"Mmmhmmm. So, it's been established that there'll be another date?," the brunette asks sitting up.

"Definitely, for a multitude of reasons."

"Right, the chemistry."

"Yeah, Vause she's a dancer, I need to assess her bendy factors."

"Oh so you haven't yet? Was just about to ask you where you taking this cab back from exactly."

"From the restaurant! Chapman, control your woman."

"I have to say I'm impressed you kept it in your pants Nichols," her best friend snickers.

"Well... you know."

"Or did you... did you taint the restaurant? I haven't even had a chance to check that place out yet!"

"We may have kissed...a little...in the bathroom."

"Romantic," Alex says sarcastically, "I hope you had some gum or something, Jesus."

"Well it was the only private place! Until the lady who passes out the hand towels came in and interrupted us."

"There you go," Alex laughs out on the line, while Piper adds, "well you always did like bathrooms, eh Nicky?"

Alex looks at her wife weirdly, as the blonde cackles while Nicky tells her, "shut your mouth."

* * *

The second bang on his door came from Piper, as Alex has spent her morning chasing Harper through the apartment to get in the shower. The little girl only relents when Alex tells her that they will not be playing salon again if she doesn't wash the chalk out of her hair in "3...2..., thank you very much," she tells her as she clamors into the bathroom and starts undressing.

"Jamie, get up!," she can hear Piper's muffled shouts through the water of the shower. The slam of a door. The chalk washes right out, it's the eye makeup that takes multiple strokes of the washcloth to remove. She wraps a towel around her daughter and tells her to go get dressed.

"Jamie!," Piper shouts again at the door.

"I'm naked!," the brunette hears him shout as she walks past to get to their bathroom to take her own shower.

"I don't care if you're naked, I've seen that butt a thousand times."

"Mom!," he grunts back, sounding as if the shout is from underneath his covers.

"Jamie, I swear to God if I'm late, I will kill you. You better be in that bathroom in five minutes," she says as she smacks her hand on the door.

Morning's pass just like this, almost daily over the next six months. Weekend nights are either loud with multiple kids who are hanging out in either of their children's rooms, or completely silent when Harper has a play date or Jamie is at a friend's party, the movie theater, or bowling alley. So when he asks if he can go over a friend's house for a party one Friday night, some routine questions are asked and answered, and he's told to be home by 11PM. When Nicky calls to ask if she minds skipping NA tonight and possibly going in the morning, she welcomes the break of all sorts of responsibility. When the phone rings two minutes later she grumbles and answers,

"Nick, its not a big deal, enjoy your night, we'll talk tom..."

"Ma?," Jamie's voice comes through the phone.

"Oh, sorry kid, what's up? Everything okay?"

"Yeah everything's great. I was wondering if it would be okay if I just stayed over here tonight."

"Uh..."

"You have his mom's number," he tries to influence her decision.

"Yeah then, okay. Just let me know what time to get you tomorrow morning okay?"

"K ma, thanks," and she hears the phone beep indicating the call has ended.

"Wha-ha-hut?," his friends can't believe he can stay, as they pop a cap of the bottle of Smirnoff Ice and a bottle of beer and hand him both bottles. He passes one to Lauren and sits down beside her in his friend's basement.

She looks at her phone and sees his name and number on the screen of her phone, she hits the power button, blackening the screen and heads off to their bedroom.

"Your son is up to no good," she tells Piper.

"Now what?," she tells her, leaping over the questions that usually come along when Alex calls him her son.

"Not sure, but he just asked me if he could stay over this kid's house, so he's either smoking something, drinking something, or sneaking out somewhere."

"And you said yes?"

"Yeah, I'll just call him on the hour to bother him with some unimportant question, to conveniently interrupt whatever he's doing."

"You don't think we should go get him? We're going to knowingly let him to do something stupid? No..."

"Yeah let him do something so we can fuck with him."

Throughout the evening his phone goes off hourly, each time he answers, she can tell he's bent down in a corner, trying to block out the surrounding antics of his friends. Bless him, she thinks for continuing to answer his phone out of fear, she'll either call this boy's mother or worse, show up at this boy's house. The last time she calls is at midnight, the sounds in the background are still similar, so she knows they never left the house.

When the buzzer on the intercom goes off around 8AM, she confusedly pads over to the box on the wall. She buzzes Nicky up, who's ready to go to their meeting. Alex tells her Piper went for a run, that she can't leave Harper.

"Jamie can't stay with her?," she asks nervously.

"He slept over a friend's last night, doing God only knows what. Think it's too early to call him?"

"Yeah they were probably up half the night."

"Or he's messed up this morning, they were definitely partying."

"How do you know?"

"Just do," she shrugs. "We can go tonight," she reassures her, "just check the times. Want some breakfast?," she asks opening the refrigerator to pull out some eggs.

"If I don't have to make it, yeah."

Minutes later Jamie stumbles in and Alex looks at Nicky with a told you so look. She loudly speaks to her son, "you're home early, thought I was going to pick you up."

He grimaces, "didn't want to bother you. Hey aunt Nicky," he says trying to downplay the pounding in his head.

Nicky tries not to laugh, "how was your party Jamie?"

"Was fun. I'm gonna go to bed okay?"

"Didn't you sleep all night? C'mon, you don't want some breakfast?," his mother asks him near the stove.

The swirl of nausea passes through him, "I'm good really. We stayed up late, I'm really tired," he says trying to leave.

Alex cracks the shell of a hardboiled egg and starts peeling the white of the egg back, she passes it by his face, "you sure."

He dry heaves and hauls over toward their garbage can. She hits their radio on to elevate the noise level in their kitchen, until he comes over to turn down the dial and looks at her frustrated.

She turns off the radio, and pulls a chair back from the table and points to it, "sit down."

He does as he's told and rests his head on the table. Nicky dips a napkin into her water and leans up to place it behind his neck. He inhales sharply at the coolness against his skin, he opens his eyes and looks at her gratefully. Her lips frown some.

"I know you're hungover, ya brat!," she calls over her shoulder.

He groans, "how do you always know everything?"

"Cause I've been there, eat this," she says placing some toast in front of him. She mixes a spoon in some ginger ale until it's flat, "and drink this."

"Thanks," he says and takes a bite of his toast with his head still on his arm. "Is mom home?," he asks now worried about her wrath as well.

"No, she's out for a run, keeping up her tone incase we need to catch you and kick your ass." He snickers amusedly.

"Did you do anything else at this party? Smoke anything?"

"No, just had a few drinks."

"Nothing else? How many is a few?"

"I swear nothing else. I don't even know, too many I guess."

"Remember how you feel right now kid," Nicky tells him taking a bite of his toast, and putting it back on his plate.

"I will," he says looking up at her.

"Maybe we should take him with us," she says to Alex. Alex turns to look at her while she shovels the eggs on different plates and raises her eyebrows toward her. Jamie's head picks up.

She doesn't break eye contact with Alex, but talks toward her friend's son, "it's not worth getting all mixed up in this mess, you hear me?,"

He nods, "go where?," he asks either of them.

"I started off drinking at parties too, then one day someone passes around a blunt or two. And then you try some painkillers. All the while you tell yourself, you just do it socially. Until you start craving things outside the parties. And someone offers you a chance to forget all the bad shit that's happening in your life, and gives you something stronger, only you get to a point where you don't know how to get through the day without it. So it's the first thing on your mind when you wake up, but again you tell yourself you're not addicted, because you manage to shove breakfast down your throat before you shoot up."

He looks at her worriedly, "aunt Nicky, I'm not going to drink again okay?," he turns to look at his mother who's holding her and Nicky's plates in her hands behind him, "for a really really long time, I won't, okay?"

"It took rehab, blood transfusions, getting my chest cracked open, seeing God several times before being forced to quit cold turkey, and living through the worst withdrawal symptoms, feeling so sick that I was convinced I was gonna die, and it still took someone to take me under her arm and care about me, and tell me that I'd lose her care if I touched that shit again, before I finally had some will to fight against the urge."

Alex sets the plates down and squeezes Nicky's shoulder. Jamie's eyes are wide with fear.

"I still have to go to these meetings kid, to hear that other people, who have been off this mess as long as I have, still want it just as much as I do. And it takes people like your ma, to go with me and let me know that I'm not alone in this world, that I still have some people who care about me enough, and make me want to do better."

She takes a deep breath, and grabs the hand that sits on her shoulder. She squeezes.


	43. Chapter 43

43

He awakens hours later, his head still aches when his sight aligns with the light that's coming from his window. His mouth is dry, his stomach is empty and yet at the same time, it feels heavy. The apartment is relatively quiet, he wonders if everyone went out. He lays in bed for a while thinking of his night, it was a good night having freedom, but all the while he was uncertain if that scene was for him. He nervously received an additional bottle of beer each time he finished one, not knowing anything about his limit. The last time he remembered peeing at his friends, house, he remembered leaning on the wall for support, that's when he decided to stop. He wondered if Lauren ended up sleeping at her friends house or if she made it home. He sends her a message and stares at his ceiling.

He gets a message back from her saying she slept at her friends house, and that she was pretty sure she was going to die.

13 was hard. He'd waited a lifetime to find out what suddenly made the adults in his life, stop talking or change the subject, when he or his sister entered the room. And now that he knew, while there was no regret, it was still hard to stomach it all. Whether or not they were really ready to discuss the topics with him, they had, and continued to discuss it until his questions were answered; accepting that he'd reached a new found level of maturity, it felt good. But seeing the people in his life, that at one point he thought knew everything, struggle with things inside, keeping aspects of themselves hidden from some of those around them, made him wonder if this was part of being an adult. "Don't judge a book by its cover. A person is like an onion, having several layers to peel back. There's more to that person than what meets the eye." All of the clichéd sayings made more sense as he got older and as he really got to know the different sides of key people in his life.

After a while of self-reflection, his stomach starts to growl. He keeps his eyes open just enough to be able to see and makes his way to the kitchen where he passes Piper sitting on the couch in their living room reading a book.

"Hey, drunky," she says at a low voice.

Fuck, he curses to himself, for having Alex tell her of his wrongdoings.

"She told you?," he asks her with a hand covering his eyes.

"She told me last night, probaby before you even got started. You still feel sick?," she asks rising to her feet, not waiting for a response.

He looks around for something new to be tortured with, a marching band hidden behind the couch or a plate of rotting meat sitting on the kitchen table.

"They're gone," she says watching his eyes roam, answering his unasked question. "They went to drop off Harper at rehearsal. How're you feeling?," she asks again with a hand on his cheek, checking for a fever, a tactile habit from when he normally looks like this.

"Better, my head still hurts. Are you pissed?"

"I'm...disappointed," she says, her voice trails off into the kitchen. The worst thing she could say.

"I'm sorry. I know it's not an excuse but everyone was doing it and I just wanted to see what it was like, I guess."

"Is it out of your system?," she says sternly, opening a bottle of Gatorade and hands it to him. He takes a sip, her voice raises unintentionally with worry, "Jamie, I'm gonna have a hard time wondering if the next time you'll just want to see what a blunt is like, and then be open to pills and then..."

"Mom!," he raises a hand at her volume, "aunt Nicky already ripped my ass apart and then handed it back to me, all torn up in shreds. Really, do you wanna see? He stands up with his hands on the back waist of his pajama pants.

She scoffs.

"I'm not gonna drink again for a long time okay?" She doesn't answer him.

"Mom?"

Continued silence.

He sighs, she looks at his face pressed against his arm, his eyes shut trying to block out the light.

Without looking at her, he tries again, "I'm sorry," he repeats. "I really wont, I don't want you to have to worry about that stuff." She looks at his guilty face, and looks back at him apologetically, grateful for his attempt at honesty.

She taps his cheek, and hands him the Gatorade. "I'm always going to worry about you, regardless of what you're doing, but it would be nice to know that I don't have to fill my head with thoughts of you and illegal substances. And your friends!"

His hands curl around his head, as she continues, her volume rising, "your brains are still developing! I know you're going to do this again at some point but you're too young okay? I know it's mean, but I'm glad you feel like shit. Afterwards, you will always feel like shit, do you hear me?"

He nods, his arms remain curled over his head, trying to minimize her volume, without blatantly putting his hands over his ears. She pulls his top arm from cradling his head and passes him the Gatorade again, "you're dehydrated, drink this."

He takes another sip and rests his head back down again, "why didn't you ever tell me about aunt Nicky? I don't know if I've said anything in front of her about like people being on crack and stuff."

"She wasn't ready for you guys to know."

"But she's my aunt and mom's best friend, what was I really going to do?" His stomach growls.

"You say that now but maybe if you were younger you wouldn't understand as much," she tells him setting a pack of crackers on the table in front of him.

He shakes his head, indicating he doesn't want any, "why do people do stuff like that?"

"Different reasons baby, curiosity, like you just wanting to know what it's like. An escape from painful situations, people like the feelings it gives them."

He feels nauseated and she can tell he's willing away the urge to vomit. She crouches down to grab the cleaning bucket underneath the sink. He holds the bucket between his knees and leans over it, but nothing comes.

She keeps a cautious eye on him, "the problem is, once that feeling is gone, people want it back and usually require more of the drug to get a similar effect. It's... its so dangerous."

He stands up with the bucket, dry heaving into it, he walks toward their bathroom, closing the door some.

Piper comes in behind him and rubs his back, "babe there's nothing there but acid, you have to eat something." She grimaces at his retching.

After a minute, he slowly stands up and leans over the sink, Piper runs the cold water for a moment and cups it to help splash his face a few times. "Aunt Nicky said she hasn't done it since before I was born," he says through a towel as he pats his face dry.

Her puppy eyed expression acknowledges his statement, proud of Nicky's sobriety. "And she still wants it sometimes. But now she knows how powerful it is and won't let herself do it."

"It's kind of scary?," he says once they get back to the kitchen. "It's terrifying baby. Please promise me you won't...," she's cut off.

"I think it's weak," he says taking half the cracker she broke off for him. He forces himself to eat it.

"What is?"

"Doing drugs to get away from something. No offense to her."

"I think she'd agree with you. I think it bothers her that she still thinks about it and wants it til this day. People always say it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, but it does sometimes. Especially when it's people you love right? You want people to see you in a positive light, you want people to like you. It's hard letting people know about your weaknesses."

"Yeah like friends and stuff."

"Yeah and with you guys," she tells him, "you haven't known that part of her, and like anyone else she was afraid you'd think less of her."

"I don't though. I'm sorry she still struggles with it, it must've been really bad." He bites his lip and asks, "does mom go with her because she did it too?"

Her lips parts before she speaks, "mom goes with her so she's not alone," she replies not feeling like the right person to discuss her wife's brief stint.

"But did she do it also? You can tell me."

Always pressing, "you'd need to ask her."

"Well that means yes."

Piper purses her lips and shakes her head.

"I mean it would make sense if she was around it all the time."

Piper exhales, "I can tell you she was never addicted to it, that's all I'm saying about it. Do what you want with that."

Knowing the way his mother viewed junkies, he reasoned she must have been desperate to ever use any kind of drug. He opts to keep the information to himself.

When Alex and Harper come home, she tells Piper she wants to go to dinner with Nicky and Francesca. When Piper insists on her going without her, for Jamie's just now starting to eat, Alex pushes, stating he'll be fine, and she doesn't want to be a third wheel. After much convincing, Harper's told to listen to her brother, Jamie's told to be nice to his sister. He flips through the channels until he finds the Harry Potter marathon on ABC Family. Harper runs to her bedroom to get something's to play with as they lock the front door.

Dinner morphs into remembering every embarrassing thing about Nicky, thanks to Francesca's insistence and Alex's elephant-like memory.

"And she used to have this book, that kept track of all the people...," her shin was met with a swift kick from underneath the table.

"Ow!," she laughs and starts rubbing her shin.

"All of the people that what?," Francesca turns to Nicky amused.

"Nothing," Nicky spews through her teeth toward the brunette. Piper laughs while dipping a tex- mex spring roll in the sauce. "Don't listen to her," Nicky says to Francesca while nudging her head towards Alex. She puts her arm around Francesca.

"You don't have to be embarrassed. It was before we were together, I don't care," the auburn haired woman says back to her, rubbing a hand over Nicky's thigh.

Alex chuckles, and Piper elbows her, looking at how embarrassed Nicky actually was.

Francesca breaks the awkward moment of silence. "Was the book for bragging rights," she wiggles her hip playfully against Nicky's, "or was it because there were so many you needed it to keep track?," she finishes, trying to fight her smile.

"It was probably a little bit of both," Alex answers for her.

"I think you need to come with me to the bathroom," Nicky says staring down Alex, rising from her seat.

"I definitely don't have to go," the brunette says, throwing a nacho in her mouth. "I'll go with you," Piper says wiping her mouth and stands up.

"I don't want to leave them alone together!," she says bluntly. Alex shoves her arm, "we'll be fine, try not to hurry back."

Piper drags her away from the ridicule,

"so, you guys have been going out for a while now."

Francesca swallows her drink and nods, "a little over six months now." "Getting kind of serious...," she continues.

"It is," she responds awkwardly feeling as though she's talking to one of Nicky's parents, "things have been going really well."

"So she says as well," Alex confirms her friends feelings. "I know I mess with her a lot but Nicky's amazing..."

"I know, that's kind of why I'm sticking around? You don't have to sell her to me."

"I...," the brunette says slightly offended, "I'm not. I was just going to say, I hope you know what you have. She's one in a million, that one, and you only get one chance to break her heart." She looks up to Francesca, who looks shocked.

"I'm not gonna hurt her, you and I both know, she's had enough of that." She looks toward the bathroom before taking a bite of one of Nicky's taco's and leans it toward Alex as if to ask if she wants some.

Alex snickers, "no thanks," loving that this woman is brave enough to steal Nicky's food. "I know she's told you where we met," Alex looks over her shoulder to make sure Francesca's clear as she takes another bite of Nicky's dinner. "You should be afraid," she says with sarcasm strewn throughout her words.

"You'd think the prison thing would be a little more intimidating," she says setting the taco down and taking a sip of her drink, "but it's not... sorry."

Alex shakes her head.

"Really though, things have been going well. We've gotten into it a few times, but we're honest with each other and have worked it out. I'm glad she has people looking out for her, but you don't need to preoccupy yourself about me," she takes the last bite of one of her girlfriend's tacos. She chews it slowly, Alex plays with the rim of her water glass, Francesca shrugs her shoulder, "I love her."

Alex inhales, her finger stops tracing the pattern, her eyes meet Francesca's.

Nicky flops back down in her chair, and looks nervously between the two women she left behind at the table, "what?"

"Nothing," Alex says without looking at her.

Nicky looks between her and Francesca once more, neither of them are looking at her. Francesca takes her hand, she rests her shoulder amidst the crazy hair and chuckles, Nicky looks down at her plate,

"okay, which one of you ate my fucking taco?"

Without missing a beat, both Alex and Francesca point to each other. -

As the movie plays in the background, Jamie looks around at Harper's dolls on the rug, he's on babysitting duty, though he's unsure if it's because he's grounded once again or simply because he was available and they needed someone to stay with Harper. He zones out.

13 was hard, it was great, being the oldest kids in the school again, watching the 11 year olds figure out how to switch their books and make it on time to class. Groups of friends, places on teams, and leadership positions in clubs, were already established. But trying to figure out exactly who you were, whether you truly fit with those kids in your group, versus being a part of that group simply because that's who you were used to, kept coming up. Sometimes he'd hear a comment that he didn't agree with or his friends planned on doing something, that he was now sure if anyone, who was six degrees of separation away from either of his mothers, learned of his involvement, he would never again see the light of day. Ever.

His thoughts run circles through his mind, as Harper nudges his knee, "cmon, you're not doing it."

He looks at the Barbie in his hand and makes her doll do a runway walk in the outfit he dressed her in. She bends her Barbie's arms up to her face holding a plastic camera and makes shutter noises. After a while, the dolls, along with containers of accessories are abandoned on the floor, they settle in on the couch and watch the marathon.

As their mother's come in, neither of them even budges, unaware that they're home, they're absorbed in the fourth installment of the series.

Alex and Piper walk into the livingroom, "hello?" Nothing.

They stand in front of the tv, which illicit's frustrated "hey's" from both of them, but they still don't move. Piper bends down to kiss them both, "how're you feeling now?," she asks him.

"Fine," he says, his eyes still glued to the tv.

"You have these movies," Alex says to either child who will hopefully respond.

"Yeah but its different on tv," Jamie explains in monotone.

"Yeah it's different," Harper parrots, basking in the glow of hanging out with her brother. She leans into him.

Alex isn't convinced, "how is it different? C'mon I wanna watch something," she whines slightly, sitting on the arm of the couch. She pokes him in his side, while snooping the couch for the remote.

He barely moves, "how was dinner?," he asks, sneakily tucking the remote between the cushions.

She gets up and lays down on the smaller couch, "it was nice," refusing to be distracted from changing the channel. She puts her hand out for the remote, Harper leans toward her and smacks her five.

"Thanks," she acknowledges her daughter, "but remote."

"They show extras and stuff when it plays on tv," Jamie defends their spot in the living room.

"You guys can go in your room and watch it, c'mooooooon," his mother whines.

"But the couch is so comfy!," Harper says leaning into her brother.

She watches her daughter nuzzle into her son, she listens to them quote the movie in british accents,

"this is an age line. Dumbledore drew it himself." "So?"

"So a genius like Dumbledore couldn't possibly be fooled by a dodge as pathetically dim witted as an ageing potion."

"Ah, but that's why it's so brilliant!"

They quote in unison, "because it's so pathetically dim witted."

She laughs and gets up from the couch, "fine," forfeiting her ownership of the tv, she relishes momentarily in their bond.

As he stands around outside of school, his friends, mostly from soccer as well as a few others, are making plans for the weekend, they ask him for his vote on what movie to see,

"I'mmmmm still grounded," he says with a slight frown shaking his head.

"Dammit Vauseman, you gotta be better. His mom is a hard ass," Joey says to their friend Adam.

Jamie nods in agreement.

"His mom has a hard ass," their friend Adam mumbles toward Joey and David.

"Um, fuck off?," he says cutting his eyes at Adam.

"My parents never know anything, or maybe since I'm the fourth one they don't care anymore, I don't know," Joey says.

Jamie continues in his woe as the oldest, "yeah you're lucky, mine know like everything, I swear they bug my phone," he goes back to talking to two of his other friends and Lauren.

"I saw her running the other day, MILF status," David says to anyone who's listening. "Will you shut up?," Jamie turns back again.

"Which one?," Joey asks David to clarify which of Jamie's mother's he's referring to. His friend lowers his brow, "what?"

"Which one? He has two moms, one with light hair and one with dark hair."

"What?! He does? Vauseman!," David beckons Jamie over.

"Well describe her," Adam shoves David, "what does she look like? Did she have long blonde hair? Tight ass? Seriously."

He shakes his head with wide eyes, no, but now intrigued, "why didn't I know you had two moms?," he asks Jamie who's fuming.

"Because you're an idiot," Joey answers for him.

David gives him the finger.

Joey continues, "dude you've been to like 5 of his birthday parties, did you never notice?"

"Guess not. Whatever well I saw one of your mom's, black ponytail, black leggings..." he zones out at the memory momentarily, "...the other day at Morton Williams." He turns his back to Jamie and whispers to the guys, "all sweaty," he pulls his hands out to emphasize her chest size.

"I swear to God if you don't shut the fuck up I will punch you in the face," Jamie threatens, feeling his temper rise.

"Jamie your moms are good looking, just embrace it," Joey says trying to turn this into a positive thing.

"It's fucking disgusting," he says back at Joey,"I'm serious," he says toward David, "shut up." -

He comes home annoyed, and shuts the door to his bedroom.

13 is hard. The main difference between Jamie and his friends, was that they didn't have two mothers. They didn't have two women that came from completely different worlds, but somehow managed to stick together and get involved in illegal activity.

Two parents who served time in a correctional facility, who had to figure out how to start life over once they got out.

Two people who made daily, conscious decisions, in raising him and his sister, with an upbringing to avoid following down roads they once had.

Two moms who wanted him so badly, that they never gave up trying no matter what it took.

Two moms who wanted a second baby, but lied to each other throughout the process of making his sister, in order to avoid any additional pain.

Two moms who provided him with moments where he'd casually open his side drawer to grab a book, and discover that a box of condoms had once again managed to somehow end up back in his room. He sighs, picks up the box, walks into his mothers' room and places it in one of their side tables. He closes the drawer, and goes back to his room.

Later on, Alex comes to catch up with him about his day,

"Can you teach me how to throw a punch?," he asks Alex still irritated by his friends' commentary.

"If you wanna fight someone," she says barely acknowledging his request, "you'd have to ask your mom."

"What, for like her permission?"

"No, I don't fight. I'm a lover not a fighter kid, your mom's the feisty boxer,"she says amused making a few jabs in the air, "not me."

He looks at her suspiciously, she rubs at her calf muscle, he asks, "did you go running?"

Her eyes widen happily, "just a few times, I don't really know if you could call it running through, can you tell?," she asks giving her legs a once over.

"What? No," he says and gets up to go find Piper.

He walks into his parent's bedroom, "did you punch someone in the face?," he blurts out.

"What? No."

"Mom said you did."

"Alex!?," she shouts from their bedroom.

"What? "She walks in with her pants rolled over her knees, walking on her toes to flex her calf muscles.

"Why are you telling him I," she continues at a growl "punched someone in the face?"

She growls back, "because you did." She turns to Jamie, "like really messed this chick up, knocked her teeth out in everything."

"Alex!," Piper says at the irreverence.

"Whoa, are you guys serious or just messing with me?," he asks them both.

Piper exhales annoyed, "one person... and in my defense her teeth were about to fall out of her face anyway."

Alex not wanting Piper to downplay her violence, continues, "she can take a punch though too. And she's hit a few walls."

"Are you seriously doing this?, she snarls at her wife as she absentmindedly rubs her knuckles, remembering the sting from the cinderblock walls of her bunk.

"At least that's how rumor has it," the brunette continues, "I've never actually seen her get punched but she apparently lived twice to tell the tale."

"Okay, I want tips!," Jamie says completely enthralled, "but I also need details."

"I am not giving you tips!," she says astounded that he thinks she'll encourage such behavior. She stops and thinks for a moment, "who are you trying to fight?"

"No one, I just would like to know how to do it without breaking my fingers."

"Well I just did it," she says nonchalantly, "it wasn't planned, and I think it's safe to say I wasn't in my right mind, nor are you if you think you're going to walk out of here and raise your hand as a solution. What's so impossible that you need to resort to raising your fist instead of using your words?"

"Okay Mr. Rogers...," Alex mocks her, Piper interrupts her by hitting the back of her knee causing her leg to buckle underneath her. The brunette walks off into their bathroom.

"It's nothing," Jamie brushes off what was actually said today, "it's just something I'd like to have in my back pocket."

"You're such a bad liar," Alex says from within the bathroom.

"ANYWAY," he shouts, "why did you get into a fight or multiple fights for that matter?"

"This delusional woman said something to me when I was at a low point in my life, and whether or not it was true, I couldn't tolerate hearing it." Feeling somewhat ashamed, she adds, "and she came at me first," as if this justifies her actions. "Did someone threaten to hurt you?," she asks nervously.

"No, no."

She looks at him, pleading for him to tell her.

"No mom, really. Just the guys were being assholes, and I wanted to mess with them."

"Even playing around, I don't want you hitting anyone."

"Mom I know."

"But if you do, make sure you keep your thumb out, don't tuck it in like this," she shows him. He copies her fist and nods.

"So why'd you get punched in the face though? This girl punched you and then you punched her back?"

"I cannot believe you're asking me about this crap. There's nothing else you'd rather know about? I promise this is hardly fascinating. I'm kind of ashamed of it."

He stares back at her waiting for her to continue.

"Ugh, your mother's crazy ex-girlfriend misdirected her anger, toward me, and she hit me."

Alex pokes her head out the bathroom mildly annoyed that this somehow turned around to make her look bad. Jamie turns to her, completely amused at now knowing more than enough information from both of their pasts, the mouths to her, "the one you cheated on?"

She purses her lips and wags her head.

Piper finishes, "and the other one was kind of blur, it was freezing out and I had just finished taking out my rage on this stupid born again Christian..."

"Rage?," Alex interrupts her, "Jamie, she fucked up this woman's face, I'm telling you."

Piper stares at her, if looks could kill, "and this other woman, came outside and started screaming at me and just punched me straight in the face."

"Oh my god, she was crazy," Alex adds remembering.

She glares at Alex, and corrects her, her name was Suzanne..."


	44. Chapter 44

Guest- I wrote this prior to season 4, so the branding hadn't happened yet and I definitely never anticipated that; still bothers me a lot that it happened. Knowing what we know about Piper now, I think she'd leave it as the "window" and she'd continue to apply what she's experienced being in there to her life more broadly on the outside. As fucked up as prison has been, realities she's encountered are not as far fetched/removes from what society is like on the outside- at least in the U.S. currently. I think the window would remind her to be more self aware.

Shatter- I remember you! (And Sandfromoz)- I don't know how long I'll be keeping them up but I'll forewarn. It'll be up for a bit though.

Guest- there will be a few chapters that get into Litchfield and before they get married coming up, and in the Lost Chapters

* * *

44

She presses her bottom back in a small stretch, she lays on her side, as the little spoon, a rarity. Piper's arm is loosely hanging over her body. She takes her hand in her own and pulls Piper around her body, just a little tighter. She squints to see the time, but still can't make it out. She makes a small diamond with her finger tips and peers through it with one eye closed, 05:58. She let out a small groan, why isn't it ever Sunday? Everyday seemed to be a day, that she had to leave the warmth of her bed, the smell of Piper's hair, the calmness that's only felt when you wake up and have absolutely nothing to do. She turns the alarm off, leans over the edge of the bed and finds a sweatshirt she discarded the night before. She pulls it over her head, puts her glasses on and makes her first stop of the morning.

She knocks softly on the door and when she hears no answer, turns his knob and laughs at her son, sprawled out over his bed. He usually slept in a diagonal, aiming to keep most of his body on the bed, for when he lay straight his feet hung off the edge. Shopping for a new bed, continuously found its way to the "we'll do it next weekend" list. His arms are crossed above his head, his face toward the door, his feet rest in the opposite corner. After a caress of his hair, the first request to get up for school and a heave of the bed later, she heads to the kitchen to set the pot of coffee on. With two mugs in hand, she makes her way back down to her bedroom to ease the blonde awake to get on with the day, but first stops into Jamie's room again; he's now face down, his blanket pulled up over his head, calves bare and crossed from the chill in the air. She sets a mug down, and pulls his blanket back, "c'mon kid, three days til Sunday." He tugs the pillow over his head to drown out any sound. She sets the other cup of coffee down and pulls at the pillow. His grip tightens as he feels the pull, she leans back to give herself more force, but he's stronger than her and she relents. "Fine, five minutes and I'll be back," she gives him his warning, the same one he receives from either of them every-single-day.

She uses her foot to push open Harper's already halfway open door, but her daughter's not in her bed. She leans her ear toward the bathroom, quiet. She heads to her room to see... yup, just what I thought, a fake sleeping Harper Nicole Vauseman, with her head pressed against my pillow, trying hard not to smirk. Alex sets the mugs down on her nightstand, sits on the bed and lays back, squashing her daughter.

"Ugggg," she moans through her giggles.

The brunette comes up and turns around to see her daughter's exaggerated expression of her near death experience.

"Harper?"

The back of her hand rests across her forehead, her eyes are closed, her tongue hangs out the side of her mouth. The brunette pokes her a few times all the while amused with her daughter's break-of-dawn antics. She plays dead until Alex asks her what she wants for breakfast.

Her daughter's eyes stay closed, her hand stays on her head, she whispers, "French toast."

"Well thank the heavens she's alive. Can you start getting ready please?," she asks her with wide eyes and a cheesy smile.

"You're gonna make it?," she asks surprised.

"Yeah, if you get ready now."

The young blonde crawls to the end of the bed, while her mom taps her on her tush. She sips her coffee and looks at Piper sleeping, oblivious to the noise and movement of the bed. The blonde had been out late at work doing inventory with Polly, her body's natural alarm would have normally woken her up by now. Alex simply didn't have the heart to wake her up. She set her mug of coffee on Piper's side table, walked back out of her room and went back to Jamie's room, now raising her voice a bit,

"Kid! Up!," she shouts and starts heading toward the kitchen. "I'm making French Toast, only those that are up in the next twenty seconds are getting some."

He trudges into the kitchen a minute later, "did you say something about French toast?" He slumps into a chair, and rests his head on his arm.

"Yes, hurry up and shower or you won't have time to eat it. You can use our bathroom, Harper's getting ready in yours."

He pushes back from the table, having slightly more energy, with the mental awareness that French toast was in his near future.

"Just try to be quiet, your mother's still sleeping."

His eyebrows furrow, "is she sick?"

"No, just exhausted. She and aunt Polly were up late at the store."

He nods, as walks out as Alex starts scrolling through her phone for Polly's number.

As he exits his mother's bathroom, Piper stirs and smells coffee nearby.

"Hey mom," he says to her as she's still on her back with her eyes closed, arm stretched toward her night stand searching for her mug.

He grabs her coffee and puts it in her hand. As the heat from the cup starts to warm her hand, she realizes the "mom" came from Jamie, she opens her eyes.

"What time is it?," she asks confusedly as he's already showered.

She can't make out the clock so she opens the drawer of her nightstand to grab her glasses. As she reaches in she feels the box of condoms.

"Almost 7. Mom's making French toast," he says and tries to walk out.

"Freeze! Why are these in my drawer?," she asks lifting the box, her voice thick with sleep.

"Why were they in my drawer?"

"I don't need them, thanks," she says as she hurls the box in his direction, unbeknownst to her, the box was open, sending three dozen condoms hurling through the air. She throws her head back onto her pillow.

Through the shower of condoms and his laughs he manages, "I don't need them either."

"Well...," she remains supine and motions toward the floor, "why was the box open?"

"I just took one for my wallet just in case."

"Jamie...," she lifts her head and tensely starts, but stops.

"Mom, I'm kidding. It's in my room. I just wanted to you to find the box one day and count them and realize one was missing. I can show you," he says kicking a couple across the rug.

"It's too early for this. No. Wait. Did you say it was seven?," the time finally registering.

He nods and backs out the door.

"Alex!," she yells down the hall as she sits up, worked up that she's late because her alarm and her wife failed to wake her up. She throws her comforter off her body and starts to get up when the brunette comes in.

"Whoa, hey...," she looks around at the scattered condoms, "are these in leiu of confetti, to celebrate my entrance or something?" She notes the blonde isn't looking at her but huffing while she starts bending down to pick up the condoms. "Why are you upset? Relax."

"I can't relax, I'm supposed to be leaving in half an hour. Is Harper up?," she asks shoving a bunch in the box. Alex helps stand her up and hands her the mug of coffee. She takes a sip.

"She's up," she nods, "and eating." She takes the mug and sets it down and places her hands on Piper's shoulders, forcing her to sit. "I talked to Polly and insisted you take a personal day."

"That's not fair to her though, she was up as late as I was Al."

"She agreed, and said she couldn't remember the last time you took one, and was only slightly bitter about the request because she hadn't thought of it for herself first." She pushes Piper back so she's lying down and pulls the blanket back over her body. "I'll bring you breakfast, I'll pick all these up, I'll take Harper to school. Just hang out here til I get back, okay?" She fluffs a pillow for Piper and taps it. When Piper looks at her reluctantly, she gently forces the blonde into a reclined position and sits beside her on the bed. "Yes?," she pecks her on the mouth.

"Mmmm."

The brunette leans over the blonde and kisses her more deeply, Piper hums against her lips. Alex nibbles at her bottom lip and keeps it within her gentle bite, "yes?"

Piper mumbles an "uh huh" and proceeds to kiss the brunette back when Jamie walks in to get his dirty clothes out of their bathroom.

"Okay gross, some of us haven't eaten yet!"

Alex presses her head into Piper's pillow while Piper tries to suppress her giggles.

"Are you sure you're not sick?," he asks concernedly, as Piper is only ever late for work if she's not feeling like herself.

"She's fine," Alex answers him. He glares at her, annoyed having not asked her.

"I'm fine baby," Piper confirms.

"Good, because if you were, I'm pretty sure you'd both be contagious now."

"A regular comedian we have here, go eat your breakfast," the brunette commands.

"I'd love to, but I'm not sure I can keep it down now," he says toward Alex. He looks at Piper, "aren't you going to be late?," he asks judgmentally as she doesn't make any effort to start getting up for the day.

"Why are you so concerned?," Alex says muffled from the pillow.

"I'm taking the day off babe," Piper tells him.

"What? Why?"

"Mental health day, I'm exhausted."

"I was exhausted this morning, mom practically pried me from my bed and then bribed me with breakfast."

"Get...out," Alex says with enough bite to make him retrieve his clothes from the bathroom and go eat his breakfast.

When she returns from dropping Harper off, Piper's in the same position she left her in minus her breakfast and irritated expression.

"Having an unexpected day off is making me giddy, I don't know what to do with myself," Piper tells her from their bed.

"I was thinking we could take a drive?"

"A drive where?"

"I don't know just felt like getting in the car and going somewhere, you game?"

"I guess... I'd like to at least have an idea of where were going."

Alex outstretches her arms, she points to her face, wiggles one hand then the other and then points to the floor, "pick one."

Piper lightly touches her nose. "North it is then, were going north."

"Okay, but north where?"

"I don't know Piper that's the point."

"Okay, okay. Can I at least pack snacks or is that ruining the spontaneity?"

"We'll find something along the way," she takes Piper's hand and pulls, "let's go."

"Okay can I shower?"

"Not necessary," she says pulling the blonde upright.

Piper pulls on a pair of jeans washes her face, and meets Alex by the front door a few minutes later.

Their car heads north along the highway, Alex draws patterns along Piper's arm, and circles along the back of her neck, until she falls asleep.

She awakens to Alex screeching "...nowhere to hide, since you pushed my love asiiiiiide," Piper judges her hypocrisy.

"I'm out of my head, hopelessly devoteeeeed to youuu-oooh-oooh-oooh, hopelessly devoted to you," she taps Piper's nose.

"Was this just lying around the car?," she asks the brunette suspiciously.

"Hopelessly devoted to you," she continues screeching through the last note.

"Amazing," Piper says sarcastically and reaches to switch the musical stylings onto something from the radio.

"Wait," Alex stops her hand, "one more"

"Are you serious?," Piper laughs astonished that her wife is fighting her to listen to showtunes.

"This is a great road trip soundtrack," she skips through the tracks until she finds "Beauty School Dropout." Alex starts to sing with Frankie Avalon, while Piper continues to laugh.

They continue north, passing the sign for Brewster, "how far are we going exactly?"

"If you're going to start with the questions again, you may as well go back to sleep. C'mon you're missing your cues."

"My cues?, Piper asks amused at how serious Alex is taking this sing-a-long.

"The girl parts," as if this is obvious. "Harper doesn't need the clarification, she just knows what parts are hers."

Now it made sense as to why this album was in the car.

Piper echoes Alex's words, in the beauty school angel's voice, trying her best not to poke fun at Alex as the brunette continues.

"...unless she was a hooker."

"You know, now that I think about it, this movie isn't really appropriate for her."

"Too late," Alex responds, knowing Harper already knew all the words and lyrics in the movie. She continues singing, "better forget it," she points to Piper,

"forget it," she echoes.

"Who wants their hair done by a slob?," Alex asks Piper dramatically.

They finish their song, Alex off key the entire time, she tells the blonde, "you really should work on your part." She pulls off the highway, and stops at the first place they see that has food, they buy a couple of sandwiches, and take a pee break.

About twenty minutes later, they drive through the gate of the Taconic State park. Alex clutches the little park map in her hand; she looks between the map and the scenery that surrounds them several times, before making a right and heads uphill. She parks toward the side of the road, they get out of the car, and walk beneath a few trees until they're on the flat slate rock at the base of the park's waterfall.

Piper sets their belongings down on the rock, "well, this was unexpected," she says and takes a seat.

"Tada," Alex sits down beside her. They talk over their sandwiches, and play several rounds of "Would You Rather." Piper sits cross legged, while Alex lays on her back, her head propped in the blonde's lap, her hands in the pockets of her hoodie. Piper follows the shape of the brunette's eyebrows with her fingertips.

"Not quite Bali, but, it's still nice," Alex comments.

A single chuckle from the blonde confirms, no, it's not Bali, "its beautiful," she looks around, "I love that it's the middle of week, no one's here."

"Responsibility is overrated."

Piper stares at the water tumbling down the rocks, she gets lost in thought as her fingertips absentmindedly, trace the familiar contours of her wife's face.

After a while, Alex breaks her trance, "penny for your thoughts kid," she asks without the inflection that usually accompanies a question.

"Where do you see us in ten years?"

"Uh, well I'll be collecting social security. wait," she stops unsure of herself, "I don't even know if I can."

"Yeah as long as you held employment and paid taxes for more than ten years, you're good."

"You're sure?," she asks turning over and looks at Piper.

"Yeah, I'm positive."

Alex thinks about this for a moment. Relieved, she turns back over.

"Anything else?," she asks, pressing the brunette for more of her thoughts.

"Uh, are you asking me If I have a plan? Because I don't."

Piper nods, unsurprised.

"I mean, I'm still saving?," the brunette offers.

Piper smiles slightly. She figured Alex hadn't thought too deeply, that far down the road, she couldn't help but wonder.

"Why? I mean I'd ask if you thought about it, but you already looked into my extra sources of income in my old age, so I'm gonna venture out on a limb here and say you have our future planned."

Piper draws her knees upward, pinning Alex's head in place. "I haven't much, but what's so wrong about that?," she says somewhat defensively, keeping her wife in a physical position of vulnerability.

"Nothing. Don't get upset."

"I'm not upset," she releases the muscles in her legs.

 _Like I don't know when you're upset._ "So... where do you see us? House? Big country house? Side by side, rockers on a wooden front porch?"

"You're such a wise ass."

"I'm asking you seriously," she tries her best to not laugh through her statement.

Piper resists the urge to re-squeeze her head, "I truly don't know either, I was just wondering if you'd thought about it."

"Because?"

Why is she so sure there's a reason? But of course there was. She leans over Alex's face and blows air through her nose like a dragon, "Polly."

"Mmmhmmm," Alex says, assuming as much, " let's hear it."

"Well we were talking last night, while unpacking. Now that Finn's up at school, she has all this extra time."

"Ahh."

"She said she misses him, she never fully realized how much of her day, truly revolved around him, and now she's in this place where she's trying to figure out what she wants to do. Like, for the last eighteen years, her own life kind of took a backseat."

"But do you feel like your interests have taken a backseat?"

"I... I don't know really. We were talking and I guess, it just got me thinking about the future, and how we shouldn't hold off to do things later on, if we could possibly do them now."

"Hmmm."

"Thinking?"

Alex nods.

"Like I just didn't know if there were things you felt like you've had to put aside, so that our family could come first," she says to Alex.

"I've thought once or twice about taking a class. "

"Really?"

She shrugs her shoulders, "maybe."

"What kind of class? Like a cooking class?"

"Yeah Pipes, I'm just dying to know how to bake a better batch of muffins."

When Piper doesn't respond, her eyes look up, she's met with a look that's short of amusement.

"Not cooking. I...I don't know, anything. I'd just like to discuss topics with some people," she gives the blonde more details.

"Like... a suburban housewife book club?"

"Uh huh, again dying to discuss some of the garbage that ends up on the NY Times Best Sellers list with a bunch of bored, catered-to biddies."

"Can you try answering a question without sarcasm?"

Alex grimaces, as if she's torn over her ability to be serious. "But really I'd like to take some kind of course with discussions and do a write up of my thoughts. I guess I just want to see how I'd pan out. Getting the certification for this job was so focused. I want to take some liberal arts class or something."

"I think you should do it babe."

"You don't think I'd look ridiculous, like some old oaf sitting at a classroom desk?"

"You're not an oaf.

"So I'm just old."

"You're not either...youth challenged?," she offers. Alex tilts her head back towards Piper displeased.

"Mature then," she trades. "Really though, there's tons of classes around the city, if you wanted a class of people who are signed up because they really want to learn, versus a college setting. Half of those people are in those classes because it's a requirement for their major."

She toggles her head back and forth in thought.

"Or you could go back and finish your degree," she suggests.

She shakes her head, no. She stands up and starts rolling up her jeans. "I'd still get paid the same, too much work." She kicks her shoes off and beckons Piper over towards the water. "Alright can we get back to truly important matters like..." she hisses, "HOLY SHIT it's freezing," she says pulling one her feet up out of the water.

As Piper gets a little bit closer, she kicks some of the water at the blonde, who tries to run back to avoid being hit. She joins her wife, letting the water just barely touch her toes before inching in a little deeper.

Alex continues with her topics of higher importance, "would you rather have every song you love stored in your head like an iPod, or be able to watch your dreams on TV?"

"Definitely be able to watch my dreams on TV. Then I wouldn't have to try to scramble to write them down, they never make sense once I'm awake for more than two minutes. Alright, would you rather..." she thinks, "would you rather go back in time and meet your ancestors, or go into the future and meet your great great grandchildren?"

Alex thinks for less than five seconds and smirks, "great great grandchildren." "So you can tell them about the Cyclone, yeah?"

The brunette huskily laughs, "yes forever. Eternal bragging rights," she stops to reminisce for a moment before continuing asking Piper for a time check. "We should go soon," she says, aiming to be back before Harper gets out of dancing school. "Okay, would you rather make a new law or get rid of an existing law?"

"Good one. Hmmm, where would I even begin? Ah, having people pass a test before being allowed to parent children, drivers needing to be retested every few years, banning some people from singing." The brunette shoves her. "No, really, there are so many laws that need reform, so I'd abolish one that's already in existence."

The brunette nods and waits for her question.

"Would you rather be able to speak to animals, or speak all foreign languages?"

"Foreign languages, pick another one, you already knew the answer to that." They continue back and forth for another half hour or so before they head back down to the city.

He sits on the floor of the boy's locker room, his back leans against Joey's. He wraps his left ankle snuggly with an ace bandage for slightly more support, while Joey laces up a new pair of cleats, the room is perpetually humid and reeks of sweaty feet. While the majority of his team still passes the occasional "that's so gay," across the room, specific discussion on his mothers' level of hotness, thankfully died down. But as Joey reaches out a hand to help Jamie up off thefloor, Eli Williamson forcefully steps on his wrapped foot, breaking his grasp from Joey's hand and causes him to fall back down. He looks back and snickers, "fuckin homo's."

Joey flips him off and reaches a hand back down but Jamie shakes his head and gets to his feet on his own. His foot throbs a bit, but he gets on his toes and bounces around a few times, testing his now even more sore ankle. They grab the box of pinnies and head out with the rest of their team to the field.

They stretch by the bleachers, avoiding their laps until their coach comes out and tells them they're "the laziest bunch of boys" he's ever seen, followed by a recap of how dedicated athletes used to be. A bunch of the guys stand up and start stretching out their quads when friends and girlfriends stop by to watch their practice. A few of them make themselves comfortable on the metal stands, while Lauren sees Jamie's face and knows something's up. She puts her bag down on the bleachers and comes over to the fence.

He smirks, instantly feeling at ease as her fingers wiggle through the fence and touch his side. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

She half rolls her eyes, and looks at Joey for more information. He raises his hands and keeps quiet.

"Fine then, I'll get it out of you later." She pecks him on the mouth, and pivots to return toward the seat near her bag when she hears,

"Dunno who you think you're kidding Vauseman, everyone knows you're a homo."

Lauren spins around, her eyes narrow, she takes a step forward, "I can assure you, he isn't gay." Her hand presses against the back of his neck, her thumb traces his hairline.

"Right. Having your girlfriend defend you, really proves me wrong. Your whole family is a bunch of faggots." His breath catches in his chest at the word, his toes curl in his shoes. He bites his tongue, trying not to expend his energy on someone who wasn't worthy.

"Ugh my God, who raised you?," Lauren asks appalled, unable to withhold her own words. Eli sneers at her and laughs.

"That doesn't even make sense! Do you even know where that term came from?," she continues. Jamie can hear the crack in her voice, he turns to face her, looks into her eyes and takes her hand over the top of the fence. Her arm drapes over her chest, he squeezes her hand.

"He doesn't know shit," Jamie turns his head toward her.

"Yeah, I bet you don't. And if you do, you're even more of a disgusting waste of life than I thought you were before," she finishes, her words are laced with vile.

Bless her, he thinks, for speaking her mind, for not only telling him off, but emphasizing this asshole's historical ignorance.

"Dolger, Defender of Faggots," Williamson points to her, "you're adorable."

"Well I guess they all are as well," she says pointing to the crowd of their friends behind her and the boys on Jamie's side of the fence that are frozen in various stretched positions.

"Eli, if I was, do you have nothing else to do, than continue to state the same thing repeatedly?" He bends down to stretch his hamstrings. He looks at the ground, "I mean I could continuously call you a dickhead, but regardless of how many times it's said..."

"There's no mercy, looking like a dickhead would be better, but nope, his fugly face still remains," Joey finishes.

"Vauseman, stay bent just like that, I'm sure it's easier to pack the fudge," he walks away snickering with another one of their teammates who otherwise stayed silent.

"I bet your parents try to poison themselves when you get home in the evenings," Lauren calls out to him. She looks at Jamie, who's visibly upset, "don't let anything he says even try to get through your head Jamie."

"I don't."

Their coach starts walking over toward his team on the field, already complaining that they all look a mess and tells them to jog two laps around the field.

"You gotta tell coach man, new level," Joey encourages him, feeling as if it's gone too far.

He looks at Joey, as if he's lost his mind, "I'm not telling coach, like that's really gonna help." He cracks his neck to the side and starts his lap around the field. Joey looks at Lauren and frowns, shrugging his shoulders.

After their warm up, their team is divided in two, one team is given yellow pinnies, Jamie pulls his over his head as he sees Eli, pulling one on as well. At least if were on the same team, he'll leave me alone, he thinks.

Jamie sprints toward the ball, to keep it in play before it goes over the touch lines, when he feels a blow to his ankle that almost knocks him to the ground. He continues to fight to keep the ball in, as Eli blocks him from making a pass.

"Are you fucking crazy?," he asks the jerk that's been tormenting him, "you're on my team," he says still trying to kick the ball away.

"I'll never be on your team."

He looks down and notices Eli's shin guard is slightly off to the side, he pulls back and kicks him in the shin with his cleat, takes possession of the ball and passes it to another teammate.

"Coach? Foul!," Eli stomps over toward the coach, pissed that it hasn't been called.

"No foul, and you're on the same team, why are you challenging him for the ball? Get out there!," he barks back.

No goals are made on either side, as both teams are bringing their defense. When Jamie's positioned in a spot where he can try to make a goal, he yells "pass," running backwards, he gets closer to the goal as the ball is dribbled down the field. He knows Eli will never pass him the ball, but he wants his couch to at least hear that he's aware of his open position. He doesn't dare try to take possession from his own teammate so he continues to run alongside the kid who's taunted him for every practice for the last month, when he sees him strike toward the goal, and miss.

Eli elbows him, hard, in the ribs, causing his breath to get caught in his chest. And he's had enough. He hears his couch yell "foul," the rest of his words are thick fog. He coughs, gets control of his breathing, his fist instinctually tightens, he consciously removes his thumb from within the confines of his palm and punches Eli square in his jaw. A whistle blows, long and hard, he turns toward the sound and before he knows it, he feels bone hit bone, his vision goes black momentarily, the flesh of his cheek is on fire. The whistle blows fast and sharp over and over, but his temper flares, appalled that he was hit again. He slowly opens his fingers, they're sore and stinging, he keeps them flared open. His hand shakes from the adrenaline coursing through his body, he thrusts the heel of his hand upward against Eli's nose. Blood instantly seeps from his nostrils, down his chin, onto the yellow pinny.

The whistle gets louder, he feels someone's arms envelope his body, restraining his arms to hold him back. He sees their couch, on his knees talking to Eli, he tries to keep the kid's chin tucked, and leans him forward. He removes the pinny from the boy's body, and uses it to pinch his nose. The boy fights him from the added pressure and pain, the trainer soon arrives and takes over. Jamie's coach, puts a hand on his shoulder and asks if he can move his hand. His hand continues to shake, his breathing is staggered, he looks at Eli on the ground with the trainer, _what did I do?_


	45. Chapter 45

45

He dials their landline- it rings, and rings, and rings. No answer.

He ends the call and balances his phone on his thigh. He dials Alex's cell phone number with his left hand.

It rings. And rings.

He doesn't know what to hope for, that she doesn't answer so he doesn't have to tell her anything, or that she does, so he doesn't have to call Piper.

"Hey kid. You home yet?"

"No, ma..."

"You're not home? Well we should be back soon, just have to get Harper from class. What do you want for dinner?"

"Ma I... can you come to Mount Sinai?"

"Where?"

"The ER. I'm fine, I just hurt my hand."

"You're in the emergency room because you hurt your hand," she says steadly, doing her best not to let the worry effect her voice. She repeats, "is it broken?"

Piper steals the phone from her, Jamie is mid sentence... "...move my fingers."

"Jamie, are you okay?"

He hears Piper's voice. His head tilts back, not knowing they were together. "I'm fine, can you put mom back on?"

"She's driving. How'd you hurt your hand?"

"Soccer. Can you please just come?"

"Yes, we're coming now. Can you move it? Who's with you?"

"Yeah I can move it, I think its fine, but they want to do an X-ray and you have to sign insurance stuff."

"Oh God," he hears Piper's voice crack.

"Mom, I'm fine, please don't worry. My coach is here." He tries not to audibly sigh as he looks over at his coach, talking to Eli's distraught mother.

Soon after, he sees them, frumpily dressed, as if they threw on, whatever was within arms reach, to run errands. The sense of relief is automatic, but its quickly overturned by dread, when he thinks about telling them what he did.

He sees Piper looking through her purse, while trying to keep up with Alex's long strides. She hands the brunette her wallet.

Alex sees Jamie's red cheek and realizes quickly, that this isn't a normal soccer injury.

He stands up when he sees them, but before he can say anything, Eli's mother attacks,

"you'll pay for this," she states accusingly.

"Mrs. Williamson, I asked you not to say anything," the boys' coach says to her with a raised hand.

He watches his mothers, who are both confused by the interaction, unaware of who this woman is.

"Your son broke my son's nose!," she shouts at both of them. They both look at him, his hand is cradled by his unaffected one.

Their coach stands between Eli's mother, Piper and Alex, "ma'am please, we need formal statements from both boys. There are some children that say your son provoked their son. The principal will speak to you all tomorrow."

"Yes, and I'll be making sure that _he's_ ," she points to Jamie, "expelled."

Alex keeps her voice calm, "okay lady, before you point your finger at my kid, we need all the facts and it sounds like they're still up for dispute, so until then you're gonna need to back off."

"We're finished discussing this any further," he says looking between Mrs. Williamson and Alex, "anything further can wait until tomorrow. Good night," he says toward Mrs. Williamson. It is only then, that she turns to leave and find her son.

"Can I have one of you fill some forms out over there," he asks both Piper and Alex and points toward the reception counter.

Piper looks at his cheek, and tries not to wince at the slightly reddened edematous skin, before following his coach to fill out the proper forms.

He sits down next to Alex who looks him over, "tell me he hit you first," she says, her tone is threatening. She's more than displeased, worried at the fury behind this other boy's mother's allegations.

There have been few times that he can recall where she's looked at him like this, these are not the times where she puts on a face, where she's composed and lets the world roll off her back. It's a face that's bare, filled with hurt, anger and fear.

He swallows, "he's been giving me a hard time for over a month, but today, he knew my ankle was sore and he went out of his way to hurt me."

"So, he did mess with you first."

"Yeah, I'm not insane, I'm not just gonna go around punching people."

"You don't punch people at all! Why didn't you tell me he was bothering you?"

"What were you going to do?"

"Anything! I would've talked to your coach or your principal, or his parents? You don't use your fists. What did he even say to you?"

"Anti-gay stuff!? He's called me everything you can imagine."

"You can't let that get to you! You know the names he called you aren't true."

"I thought I could handle it. I did...for the whole month, ma! But then he started on you guys too."

Her eyebrows narrow, "babe, if my fist reacted to every name I've been called, I'd have no bones in my hands left. You know who you are, don't let his words seep through your brain."

"That's what Lauren said," he thinks of her. She must be disgusted by his behavior. If she was sitting here, she'd probably be looking at him, with the same expression his mother is. He shakes his head, "ok but when he's using derogatory terms to describe something that is true about you, I'm supposed to just take it?! I mean how long am I supposed to put up with shit like that?" He can't believe she isn't proud of him for defending her.

"I'm not saying it's always possible to ignore, but don't give people like that, the time of day. As hard as it may be, sometimes you have to be the bigger person." She knows her words are right, even if she hasn't followed these rules herself. She'd always played the long game. She'd tried standing up for herself as a kid, when the same group of girls relentlessly teased her for things that were out of her control. She'd waited until prom night to retaliate with action, only to have it backfire. She thought of her recruitment of fellow inmates in her plan to fuck with Pennsatucky, how much time and effort she invested using mental tactics instead of physical force. Sure, she had made threats, but it wasn't until she messed with Piper, someone she loved deeply, that it became physical. And now her son had done the same thing. Would every encounter, where she felt this feeling of dread course through her veins, result in the realization that her son was a mirror image of herself?

"I'm sorry but between the taunting and then when he kicked my ankle... I didn't feel like being the bigger person.

"That's not a small kid J, he could've really hurt you."

"He did really hurt me."

She looks him over, with more concern, regretting some of her wrath as she hasn't really asked him how he's feeling. She holds his face with her left hand, her eyes peer over her glasses as she tilts it toward the fluorescent lighting.

"I just hurt him worse," he says; it was meant to sound prideful but it was instead laced with a hint of remorse.

She doesn't reply to his comment, "we should get ice for that."

"It's fine," he says pulling his face away slightly, "just leave it."

"It's not fine" she barks back. It isn't clear what "it" is not fine, and she doesn't bother to clarify. She walks over toward where Piper is still filling out paperwork to ask the triage nurse for an ice pack while they wait. He sees Piper rub his mother's back, the blonde leans her head against her wife's shoulder as the brunette pulls out her phone.

She passes him, handing him the ice pack before stepping outside to call Nicky, to see if she's available to pick up their daughter.

Nicky quickly picks up Harper from dancing school, gives her a brief overview of what happened and heads back to her apartment, eager to hear any update on what's going on with Jamie.

"Beer or water?," she offers Harper with her head halfway in the fridge, while she pulls out a bottle of water for her snickering niece.

"So, do you have homework or something? Should we get started on that?"

"I don't have any today."

She nods. "TV?," she asks while flipping on the set, after looking over her movie collection and realizing she has nothing that's appropriate for her niece to watch. Harper flips through a few channels before putting the remote down, " I don't wanna watch tv."

"Your call kid."

"Can we play a game?"

"I'd love to, but all the fun stuff's at your house."

"Do you have markers?"

"I've got...," she rummages through the top drawer of her side table and pulls out a few sharpee markers, " will these do?"

Harper nods, "paper?"

She pulls a few sheets from the printer tray. "Anything else?"

"Uh...," she thinks, "scissors and tape."

"Are you making me an update for my fridge?"

"Nope," she taps the floor next to her for Nicky to sit. "Make a line of circles like this," she shows her the sample she's already drawn. After about 20 minutes, they've created a paper jewelry collection, complete with a makeshift crown and die, suitable for an impromptu game of Pretty Pretty Princess.

Nicky rolls the odd shaped die and a moment later, Harper scotch tapes a red paper earring to her earlobe. She's relieved to hear her doorbell ring, having not received a text back from Piper, Alex or Jamie. She all but runs to her door and looks out the peephole. Her shoulders relax as she opens the door for Francesca.

"Am I interrupting something?," she asks as she fondles her girlfriend's homemade earring. She pulls her head back some, "no, just... what is this called?," she asks Harper.

"Pretty-Pretty-Princess," she says emphasizing each word slowly.

"Ah. You left in such a rush, I just wanted to make sure you were alright," Francesca says softly.

"My brother got hurt at school and my moms went to the hospital to make sure his hand isn't broken," Harper fills in Ms. Chessie, letting them both know, there's no point in trying to whisper around her.

As Alex comes home with a sleeping Harper, she walks her into her room and closes the door. Jamie flops onto the smaller couch and glances at Piper,

"Are you mad at me too?"

"I'm not mad."

"Mom is."

"She's not mad at you."

"Could've fooled me."

"She's mad at... the situation."

"That's just a fancy way of saying I could've handled it better, but mom I..."

"J, you don't have to explain it, I understand. A person can only take so much, before something is said that makes them snap. You get that from me, unfortunately. Just don't make it a habit."

"The kid is just fucking hateful. He barely even knows me, never mind you or mom."

"There are always going to be people who you don't agree with. But that doesn't mean they're not entitled to their opinions and beliefs."

"He used the word... that people use to describe gays... the 'f' word."

Piper does her best to mask her tension, "in this context, you can say it."

"I don't want to."

She nods, "it's hard. I'm not comfortable with it either. It's not civil."

"I know that."

"He probably doesn't understand the weight of his words."

"He's ...he doesn't know anything, but thinks he knows everything."

"He's sophomoric."

His eyebrow raises in question.

"Look it up," she tells him, as she always does.

He's frustrated, he exhales and looks up the words in his online dictionary, he nods. "And as if I'm automatically gay because you and mom are. I have a girlfriend! He's such an asshole," his hand raises, excusing himself, "sophomoric."

"Yeah, by that philosophy, you'd mimic whatever you saw us do. Well wait a minute, you like girls. Oh no, did us raising you, make you like girls?!"

He forces a laugh, "ugh, why does he even care?"

"Some people believe there's something wrong with people like your mother and I, that we're unnatural. They have this quixotic world view, that their way is the right way, where everyone should be like them."

"How exciting," he says, his tone misanthropic.

"Well your mother and I feel the same way. It would be truly boring if everyone were the same. I don't know why people choose to live in a city like this if they're going to discriminate against people who aren't like them."

He looks disheartened. "Why would anyone choose a life where they have a higher chance of being treated poorly?," he asks with obviousness. "It's not a choice."

"But there are also plenty of other people who understand, that who you love isn't a choice, it's not a controllable force, or a temptation that's being given into. It's instinctual feelings from within, that people follow because being around a certain person makes them feel like the truest version of themselves."

He bites along the skin from the inside of his mouth. "You've dated guys before though right?"

She looks back at him not expecting the question, "how did you know about that?"

"Pictures at gram's and stuff," he shrugs his shoulder, implying that the source wasn't important. "Weren't you even engaged to someone else at one point?"

Finding it unlikely, she still asks him, "did mom tell you that?"

"No," he shakes his head and waits for her to respond. He watches her eyes wander somewhere behind him, "so were you?"

She alters her position, seeking one of comfort but fails, "yes... and I thought that was what I wanted at the time. And maybe a small part of it really was what I wanted..."

He looks at her slightly confused.

"I was trying to be someone that I wasn't, giving into what was wanted of me while suppressing parts of myself that other people in my life may have looked down upon."

His eyes narrow, trying to comprehend.

"Deep down, I always wanted commitment from someone. It didn't matter what was between their legs, sorry to be frank."

His eyes close in reaction to her bluntness, but he brushes the idea away quickly, actually appreciating when she talked to him like this. "So you don't choose," he confirms.

She pulls her lips into a line and shakes her head no, "imagine there's a long line." She draws a line along the coffee table with her finger. "On one end there are people who only are attracted to people of the same sex. The thought of being with someone of the opposite sex does nothing for them, they would feel uncomfortable. Then on the other end are people who feel that same way about people of the opposite sex, and the thought of being with someone from the same sex produces no pleasant intimate feeling. But somewhere along the middle of the line, many of us, myself included, fall somewhere else. Some prefer someone of their own sex, but aren't opposed to the idea of being with someone of the opposite sex and vice versa. Some prefer men and women equally. People like to categorize people, put labels on everyone. People like when things are simple, black and white. But when most people are grey, they shouldn't be expected to get in some box."

He's quiet for a while, he looks along the imaginary line.

"What do you think?," she asks gauging his thoughts of the Kinsey scale.

"That it's weird that you can sometimes like guys. Not that you're weird, I just I don't know."

"I'm very much in love with your mother."

"Is she okay with it?"

"Does she have a choice?"

He tilts his head, "guess not."

"She used to not be. I think, oh I dunno, after the last twenty years, she feels more secure about it," she laughs. "It took a long time for me to focus on the people who let me be me, and forgive those who wanted me to be who they wanted me to be. There needs to be more people who love someone wholly, for everything that they are, not the pieces that make them comfortable."

* * *

"Harper?," she asks her daughter, who's now in her pajamas, sitting on her area rug. "Yeah?"

"C'mere, I wanna talk to you."

"Is Jamie ok?," she scooches closer dragging her doll that's face down on her rug.

"Yeah, he's okay. Another boy at school was very mean to him."

"Eli?"

"Yes," she sighs, "Eli, how do you know?"

"He's always mean to him."

She looks at her daughter, and wonders if she hasn't been involved enough. "He talks to you about Eli?"

"Sometimes..."

"Harper...," she wills wanting to know the rest.

"Sometimes I listen when he talks on the phone," she confesses under her breath, "but I just want to hear. Sometimes he doesn't let me listen," she says sadly.

She pulls her close and she sits in her lap. She absentmindedly starts brushing her daughters doll's hair, when Harper leans away and grabs another doll who's hair is matted far worse. After a few moments, she's aware of what shes doing, she places the doll on her daughter's rug and rests her chin atop the soft blonde curls.

"Harper, do you know what a law is?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"Rules," she says shrugging her shoulders.

"Okay. And why are they important?"

"Cause... if you don't listen, you can get a ticket or go to jail."

"Right," she sighs, "most of them are to keep people safe."

She feels her daughters head nod, "yup." She watches her small hands, undo the velcro along her doll's back, and pick out something more suitable for her to wear.

"Harper, I haven't always followed the rules."

"Sometimes I don't either. We're supposed to put our lunchboxes in the closet when we get to school, but sometimes I put my snack in my desk and eat it when Ms. Faucy isn't watching."

Her eyes are glassy, why am I doing this? She doesn't understand. Maybe if I talked to Jamie earlier, he wouldn't have turned out so much like me. She presses her lips against her daughter's head and breathes until she's sure her voice wont shake.

"I broke some laws baby," her voice is raspy, but it doesn't shake.

Her daughter's head tilts back some to look up, but she presses her chin down, she can't look at her.

"Did you go to jail?"

She nods, "yeah I did."

"But you didn't have to stay?"

"I did for a while, but my lawyer, like Lauren's daddy? He helped me get out."

"But... you don't have to go there anymore right?"

"Right," her voice is soft, "I follow the rules now, so I don't ever have to go back."

"What laws did you break?"

"That's not important right now, whats important is that... Harper... you follow the rules okay?," her voice breaks.

"Does Jamie know what laws you broke?"

"Yes, but he didn't know that I broke any laws until he was older."

"Which ones did you break?"

"Harper, I said not now."

"Did you hurt someone?"

"No, Harper. I...," her fingers run over her hair and scratch her scalp. Alex, you brought this up, just do it. "You know how cigarette's are bad for you?"

"They're drugs."

"They are, and there are other drugs, like cigarettes, worse ones. I used to help sell them to people."

"Why?"

"It was a mistake Harper," she cant control her voice, " a very bad mistake."

She tries to wiggle free, uncomfortable with her mother's voice this way, unable to see her, but Alex keeps her in place.

"Umph, let me go," her mother's tension relaxes.

Her daughter turns toward her, not understanding why she's tearful. She has seen her cry less than she'd be able to count on her fingers, "it's okay to make mistakes."

Her dark hair shakes slightly, "not all mistakes."

"Mama, don't cry," she pleads. "Why are you crying?," her voice begs for this to stop.

"Because I don't want anything to happen to you." She sucks her breath in, at a gasp, "Harper, promise me if you need help with something, you'll tell a grown up who you trust, so they can help you."

"I will. Please don't cry," her hands rest on her mother's tear streaked cheeks.

"You tell me or mommy, okay? We'll always help you."

"I will," she whispers. "Look its all dirty," she shows Alex her black stained hands from the makeup that ran down her face.

She takes Harper's hands and wipes them on her jeans. "This is why we're here, okay? To help you and make sure you have help."

She squishes Alex's cheeks together, "I know," she growls.

She plants a kiss on her daughter's nose.

"Does anyone ever tease you at school?"

"Not really."

"Do you know why Jamie got teased?"

"Cause Eli's a bully!," she says with anger.

"Yes, but he made fun of Jamie because he has two moms, instead of a mom and a dad."

"Well my teacher said that there are all different types of families and no family is better than others. Some people have one mom and one dad, some people have two moms, some people have two dads, some people have no moms and no dads, some people have a grandma or aunties..."

"Okay, okay!," she laughs, and sniffs back.

"I like having two moms," she says matter of factly.

"You don't ever wonder what it would be like to have a dad?"

"Nope."

"Do you think Jamie does?"

She shrugs her shoulders, as if she couldn't care less, "he has Finny and Uncle Cal."

Duh, Alex snickers, her world is so simple. She sighs, "long day, get ready for bed."

"Can I go in Jamie's room?"

She raises her hand toward the door, "knock first," she reminds her.

"Hey," she says walking into her brother's room a little timidly, "did you break it?," she asks, looking at the splint on his hand.

"No, its fine. The doctor said I didn't even need this, but mom insisted I wear it for a few days."

"Can I see it?"

He detaches the splint from his hand and hands it to her. She tries to put it over her own wrist, but struggles.

"Can you help me?"

He's nods his head amusedly, and attaches it to her hand.

She waves it around looking at the splint. He smiles at her and lays down flexing his fingers. "Mama said you got into a fight because Eli teased you about them being gay."

He nods, "has anyone ever teased you about it?"

"No." She lays down next to him.

"Well if they do, make sure you don't hit them."

"Uh, I wont, that was stupid. You could've gotten really hurt."

"Okay, I don't need a third mother."

A moment passes.

"Jamie?"

"What?"

"Do you ever wish we had a dad?"

"I used to, sometimes."

"But you don't anymore?

"Nah."

"Cause you have uncle Cal and Finny to show you boy stuff?"

"What?"

"Like mama helps me put on makeup sometimes. And mommy let's me help her make oils. So do they show you how to do guy stuff?"

He cant think of anything in particular, "like what?"

"I don't know!," she exclaims, "like how to use the penis cup thing for soccer."

"Harper! Ugh!"

"What?!"

"Don't talk about my jock strap- there are certain things you just don't talk about out loud." "Sorrrrrrr-ay! But do they teach you other stuff then?"

"Sure. They're good to talk to sometimes. But...well, ma talked to me about the first time I went out with Lauren. And they both showed me how to dance and... I don't know- I mean who's better to ask what girls like than other girls? So it's good to have guys but, well, Moms are good to talk to also. I don't miss not having a dad."

"Me neither." -

* * *

Her black hair glistens as the water from the shower hits her back. Her hands brush the water from her eyes, she stares dazedly at the bottles of cleanser in the basket that's suctioned to the corner of the wall.

Her mind tells her to pick up the bottle that her eyes have read over for the last twenty minutes, but the effort is too great. It's as if all motion is suspended.

She finds the strength to lift the bottle, her eyes scan the words, her mind finally digests,

"Purity- purity is natural. We come into this world with all the right instincts. We are innocent and perceive things as they should be, rather than how they are. our conscience is clear, our hands are clean and the world at large is truly beautiful. It is at this time we feel most blessed. To begin feeling young again, we must begin with the most basic step of all, the daily ritual of cleansing."

She throws the bottle fiercely behind her.

A loud slam is heard from the bathroom, Piper makes her way quickly toward their bedroom. "Al?"

"I'm fine, just the soap bottle."

She picks up the bottle and sets it on the corner of the tub.

Piper asks her through the shower curtain, "sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," she replies, her voice is muffled.

Piper pulls the curtain back.

Alex stands braced against the wall.

Piper turns off the faucet, and drapes her towel over her wife's shoulders. The brunette wraps it around her torso, she tucks in the end. Piper encourages her to sit on the edge of the tub.

"I can do this for the both of us. I don't want you to stress anymore over this. What's done is done, Alex."

"What if they make this out to be his fault? He got teased because of us. He raised his hands to defend us."

"Retaliation for standing up for something you believe in. Sounds familiar."

"So you noticed that too?," she asks sarcastically. "Why are there so many similarities? No matter how hard I try not to influence them negatively, something new prevails."

"You're not the issue."

"Right," she scoffs, "I know you don't like this, but it's stuff like this that makes me seriously think they'd be better off without me."

"Are you done?," Piper asks her annoyed. The brunette glares at her.

"When I felt worthless, and like I was causing more destruction than production, I spent a lot of time wondering if it mattered if I died. And someone small and wise told me, 'in the macro sense no. You're one Cheerio in the oat box of life. But you fucking tickle me, so I think it would matter."

"Nicky?"

Piper lifts her eyebrows. "You mean everything to them Alex."

"I know! The way Harper looks at me, I don't want to mean everything to her. I want her to grow up to be her own person, I don't want her to be like me."

"You mean everything to them because you've been an irreplaceable influence in their lives, not because you have this spell cast over them."

"Fine then take half the blame for this- he takes your inability to physically control himself and takes my need to fight when someone offends people he cares for."

"We could do worse! I wish he hadn't resorted to violence, but fuck Alex at least it was for something like this. If it wasn't this, it would be something else. As I've gotten older, my vision's gotten worse. They might need glasses one day. And they might get teased for that. Am I going to wish they had better vision and damn myself because they inherited that from me? The glasses are not the problem Alex. We're dealing with a bigger issue here and you need to focus. I'm proud of him. It's not like he started the physical aspects of this fight. And he needs both of us to go down to school and stand up against this. Or it'll continue and happen to some other kid."

She rolls her eyes , annoyed at the entirety of the situation.

"So he has my temper and your passion, fuck, what the hell did we do?"

Alex looks at her, she knows Piper is right. Her elbow leans on the sink, she rests her head against the palm of her had.

"Could that be a bad combination? I mean I'd much rather be spending my day wrapping body bars but maybe it's that kind of combination that actually evokes progression in an imperfect society." Piper looks at her watch, "we have to get going. Am I going alone?"

She let's her arm go slack and lifts her head up, "no, you're not alone."


	46. Chapter 46

46

She ushers the blonde into their bedroom, in a continued rage from their son's school, during the car ride and now throughout the apartment.

"He's lucky he got off with a 3 day suspension," the brunette states, glad that they don't have to find a new school for their son.

She removes her hair elastic and places it in the little box on their bureau.

"Lucky," she scoffs, "are you justifying this?!," she slams the lid of the box shut.

"Not at all," she says calmly, "I'm just saying, we know more than anyone, that the systems are fucked, so he could've very easily been expelled Piper."

"That other fucking kid should've been expelled! Our son has to spend the next four years with that piece of shit!" She takes off her belt and throws it across the room. Alex watches her rage. "That boy hurt my baby," she says short of a sob.

"Our _baby_ broke another child's bones Pipes. His family could be pressing charges, leaving us responsible for medical bills."

"I cannot believe you're being like this!"

"I could slam doors and throw shit like you, but at the end of the day, what does that do?" Piper slumps down onto their bed in frustration, her face is cradled in her hand.

"Look babe, the only reason he's not being expelled is because other kids spoke up and said they heard other remarks from this kid for weeks, and then one saw him apply physical force toward Jamie first. So isn't it..."

Her face comes up, "exactly! So what was he supposed to do? Just let this kid harass and physically abuse him? He did what he had to do."

"He didn't tell anyone. And I was going to say, isn't it a bigger deal that other kids were willing to come out from the shadows and speak up on his behalf? What does that say about him? Would you rather have a kid who's gonna throw a punch when he feels there's injustice or hopefully now, think twice about the way he manages future issues and knows he has backup?"

Piper exhales and rolls her eyes.

"It blows babe, I'm not saying I agree with how everything was managed. I wish they'd removed that kid from school if for nothing else, to set a precedent, and show that this wont be tolerated, but that's too idealistic and the world doesn't work like that. Pragmatically, the situation is handled, if there's further incident, I'm confident that he'll go about it differently. He'll grow from this."

"I feel like im not protecting him."

She nods, "it's one of the worst feelings." She knows it all too well. "But like you said, at least he's passionate about promoting the greater good instead of defending hate. How did that happen, huh?" She nudges her wife, finally absorbing the fact that he inherited both her passion and Piper's need to escalate situations of injustice.

"Yeah, winner," she says with sarcasm but forces a smirk with pride. -

* * *

He grumbles as he's woken up, foolish to have thought he'd have a three day vacation, alone at home, instead of being forced to go help his mother at her shop.

He's virtually smothered by Polly who dotes over the minor healing scratches along his cheek bone. He revels in the attention, and loves being overly catered to by his aunt, as she's right in the middle of suffering from empty nest syndrome.

Throughout the morning, with Jamie helping with the manual labor she usually does, she uses the time to go over the last two weeks revenue. Her phone pings with a message from Alex,

"What's doin? He still sulking?"

"He's helping me with boxes. Would it be terrible to pull him from school daily to help me lift this stuff all the time?"

"Might be frowned upon."

"Formal education is kind of overrated."

"Agreed."

A momentary delay and another text from Alex, "you think you could get away from work for a bit?"

"Yeah it's not busy. Wanna meet up for lunch?"

"Mmm, for Piper prix fixe?"

"Huh?"

"I want you for lunch."

"Riiiiight."

"Forget you then."

"Are you serious?"

"I might have come home early in hopes to convince you to join me."

"Alex lol"

"Just thinking of how hot you looked this morning in your little blue panties."

"You're so full of shit."

"Full of something else."

"You were awake when I was getting dressed?"

"Awake enough to get an eyeful to last me the rest of the day."

"Why didn't you say anything then?!"

"Was tired."

"But you're not now?"

"Laying on my stomach, tracing my finger across your pillow. Wishing I was tracing something else. Making you scream my name."

"I'm not a screamer."

"You keep telling yourself that sweetheart."

"::rolls eyes:: Seriously though are you home? Bc if I get there and you're not there, I'm gonna be pissed."

She sends a screen shot of squinted eyes, her bottom lip is bitten, she's lying across Piper's pillow.

Shit, she swears to herself. "How about one a little lower?," she texts.

"Like what you see?"

"C'mon! Hurry up," she sends back looking over her shoulder.

A pic of her wife's cleavage fills her screen.

"OMFG. That's just wrong! What bra are you wearing that's making them look like that?!"

Another picture pops up, the brunette's arms are stretched over her head to get a full body shot. And she's done.

"JAMIE!?," she calls down to the basement of the store. He trudges up the stairs a minute later."I need to go meet mom for lunch, I want you stay here and help aunt Polly."

"Um, I need lunch too, hello? Child labor laws."

She rummages through her bag and gives him some money, "pay for aunt Polly, I'll be back in an hour...or so."

"I'm coming," she texts.

"Already? I'm trying to hold out here. That's just rude to go ahead and do it without me."

"The hilarity ensues. What are you doing right now?"

"Playing with my tits."

"::slaps hands away::"

"Just kidding, I'm waiting for you, fucking hurry up."

"Are you wet?"

"Lemme check."

A moment later, a new pic of wet fingers.

"This is making me incredibly horny, what the hell?"

Gotta keep it fresh."

"I'll be home in 15 minutes. Getting on the subway."

"Can't promise I'll last that long."

"Keep your hands out of your pants! 15 minutes."

Piper walks at the fastest pace she can without running up her block and into the elevator. When she unlocks the first lock, she hears the second lock a second after, and a pale arm reaches from the behind the door to pull her in, the door slams shut. The brunette pins her against the wall, her hands, along with Piper's, start stripping the blonde, her jean jacket is discarded, her top off is pealed off, before they make it out of the entry way. Piper tries to push her away slightly so she can see whatever clothing remains on her wife's body, matching mauve underwear garments lined with black lace.

The brunette's lips ravage the blonde's as she guides her back toward their bedroom. Alex unbuttons Piper's slacks, her hand grazes her stomach, and rests along her special order. She moans into Piper's mouth, carefully pushing the blonde backwards further into their apartment, using the wall as her guide, careful to not have her toes stepped on by the blonde's heels.

Piper's head shakes back and forth, "kitchen," she pants, as it's closer, and she wont make it to the bedroom at the rate the brunette's fingers are moving in between her folds.

She helps the blonde hop onto the counter, Piper shifts back and forth to get her blue panties and slacks down her legs, she shakes her legs, to rid her pants, but her shoes block them.

"Leave them," Alex grunts, as she drops to her knees and pulls the clothing wrapped around Piper's ankles, over her head, letting the blonde's legs rest over her shoulders. She pulls Piper by her thighs until her ass just barely hangs over the edge. She wastes no time, lapping up the wetness that's already gathered between her wife's legs. Her hands squeeze Piper's ass, she catches a bit of their reflection in the door of the microwave, she smirks and continues.

The blonde steadies herself, she reaches up and holds onto the door of their kitchen cabinet, her other hand grips the brunette's shoulder, and slides it upward, to cup the back of her neck, she pulls her closer. Her hips rock against the counter and her wife's mouth that ravages her.

"Fuck Alex, right there, don't move."

Piper brings her hands down to grip the edge of the counter, getting closer as Alex moans with the thrust of her hips.

"Allll-" she feels everything rush to core, her face gets warm, her thighs tighten, when she feels the last swipe of her wife's tongue against her silt, "lexxx," she whimpers.

The brunette plants small kisses along her inner thighs before kissing the blonde's lower abs and makes a trail to the center of her breasts.

"What're you doing tomorrow for lunch?"

"Hmmhmm," the brunette laughs quickly under her breath.

Piper hops down from the counter and secures her pants while Alex stands up, wiggling her eyebrows at the "after-sex" Piper. The blonde's hands push her wife's breasts upwards, she massages them gently for a moment before unfastening the clasp behind her back. the brunette takes Piper's hand and starts leading her to the livingroom when the blonde pulls her back, and raises her hands above her head. She presses Alex into the refrigerator door, the chill of the metal, causes the brunette to come forward from the cool contact. Piper's eyes are heavy with lust, her weight goes into the brunette's wrists, she kisses her hard, fighting the brunette for dominance. The brunette once again tries to move into another room, when Piper continues to press her back against the metal door.

"Saucy," the brunette teases.

The full length of Piper's body leans into her, she feels the blonde start to work at the space below her ear lobe, her head tilts back slightly, granting her more access. She feels Piper's teeth drag along her neck before taking her flesh between her teeth and sucking hard.

"Easy Pipes," she says pulling away slightly, but this only encourages the blonde to work harder, determined to mark her. "Jesus," she says, her knees start to weaken. The blonde places her knee between her wife's to stabilize her, as she feels her starting to melt downward. She lowers a hand from the brunette's wrists and lets it linger by the waistband of Alex's underwear, tugging it in different directions teasingly causing the brunette to sink deeper. She feels her hip bones dig against the waist of her pants, her body writhes with need but she doesn't ask, she reads it in the sultry gaze behind the thick black frames. She roughly slips her hand against the brunette's moist center, and drags her fingers along her slit. With coated fingers, she slowly eases in, she curls her fingers toward herself and beckons repeatedly. The brunette hooks her arm around the blonde's neck, easing Piper's lips back to the place against her neck. Piper slowly begins working at her neck once again, knowing her knees could give out at any moment. She feels the brunette shake against her hand, she adds her thumb against her clit and moves it in circles, causing the brunette to lean forward, moaning without caution in her volume. "I'm gonna cum," she releases, her eyes are shut tight, her breath is jagged.

"Hey, show don't tell," she mumbles against the brunette's now rosy collarbone, she nips her skin gently, causing the brunette to open her eyes.

Her remaining arm, relaxes over Piper's shoulder, she fully leans into the blonde's thrusts as she comes hard against the blonde's hand. She lowers her hand down to Piper's wrist and slowly eases her wife's wet fingers from within. Piper paints the brunette's torso, she flashes her a crooked smile.

"Lunch was awesome, thanks," she says placing her forehead against the brunette's. She kisses Alex slowly, taking her time. "I wish I didn't have to go back to work."

"Yeah, I'm not going back."

"That's not fair, I have to get Jamie."

"Well luckily, you know where I live."

"I'll try to remember the fastest route back," she says while pulling her shirt on over her head and smoothing out the fabric.

"Mmm. What do you want for dinner?"

"Rhetorically or literally?"

"Actual food, compose yourself."

"Mid-day romp and you're going to cook for me? To what do I owe such luxuries?"

"The possibility of another go tomorrow, same time same place. I might just call out, less suspicious."

Piper shakes her head and opens their front door. The brunette tucks behind it, and pecks her quick before she shuts the door.

* * *

"But I don't wanna bother him if he's busy," he says to Polly as he stocks the top of shelf with less popular bottles of body gel. He tries his best to make them into straight lines.

"You won't be bothering him, and if hes too busy, he'll tell you. He tells me everyday."

"You call him everyday?," he says teasingly.

"Just to make sure he's alive, otherwise I'd never hear from him."

"When's he coming home?"

"Well we're going up there for parents weekend next week, but then he'll be home for Thanksgiving. You wanna come up with us? I'm sure he'd be more thrilled to see you anyway," she says with a small smile.

He shrugs his shoulders, "what are you gonna do?"

"Not sure, theres a schedule with events going on. Should be nice, just want to see him and catch up."

As Piper comes back, she's gnawing on a cheese stick she grabbed from the house. They pay it no mind, as she chucks the wrapper into the trash receptacle. She helps a customer exchange a previous purchase, and she looks over the receipt, she pats her chest over the breast pocket of her shirt. Swearing she'd placed her glasses there, she asks Jamie to look over the receipt and punch the item number into the register. After the customer leaves, she states aloud,

"I cant find my glasses," she reaches on top of her head, having misplaced them numerous times in one of the most obvious places.

"You put them in your jacket pocket," he says to her.

She looks around behind the counter, and then their break room in the back, but cant find her jacket.

As they leave, and lock up outside, the breeze is cool, she shivers and once again tries to recall where she misplaced her jacket. Jamie takes off his sweatshirt, insisting he's boiling from all the grueling manual labor he was put through throughout the day. She slips it on, the sleeves are slightly too long. She wraps it around her thin frame and breathes in his smell. They pick up Harper and head home.

As they walk off the elevator, the smell of home cooking fills the corridor, and while they're happy it's coming from their home, Jamie is surprised that Alex is home, and dinner's already ready. Upon opening the door, he spots Piper's jean jacket immediately. His suspision heightens, but is confirmed when he sees the broken blood vessels along the collarbone that protrudes from the neck of his mother's old sweatshirt. His mouth drops open with disgust,

"ew, eeeew, eeeew!"

"What?," Harper asks him afraid that he's spotted some kind of insect.

"Ugh! Not only did you leave me to do more work, but ugh." He picks up Piper's jacket and tosses it in the air, "fourteen years, you managed to not ruin my life!"

Mortified as always, Piper's hands cover her eyes and run over her hair, as Alex shrugs and convinces Harper to come help her finish dinner.

* * *

Jamie sits in the back of Finn's parents' car, beside a large "NY" pizza, a large brown paper bag filled with bagels and assorted cream cheeses, and a box of Easy Mac with a bow specifically from Alex, as an ongoing joke as Finn still prefers the mac n' cheese from the blue box.

After dinner hosted by the university dining hall, Polly and Pete stay in a hotel overnight, while Finn insists that Jamie can stay with him in his dorm. After introducing Jamie to some of the kids on his floor, he disperses "the best pizza ever" out to said friends, while he and Jamie nosh on their second dinner. One of his neighbors subtlely tells Finn, from behind the pizza box, she thinks Jamie's cute.

"Well he's taken, and he's fourteen," he says ruining any attempt at this girl's discretion.

"No way? Really?, she says embarrassed, "you're really tall."

He nods in agreement shyly, "I've been told."

"His mom's are really tall," Finn casually responds.

Jamie glances over to Finn's friend to see her reaction.

"That's cool," the girl responds.

"Well I guess it only matters that one of your mom's are tall right?," Finn realizes.

"Yeah," Jamie laughs with force.

"There's a girl down our hall who has two moms, and another one that has two dads, and not to be stereotypical or anything, but her room has the best décor, hands down."

Jamie chuckles slightly.

"She's really cool, she tried to get this petition through PFLAG to make one of our bathrooms co-ed."

He's lost. He looks to Finn who shrugs his shoulders, having no idea what this girl is talking about.

"PFLAG?," he asks Finns friend.

"Yeah, 'Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays?' Essentially allies to the LGBT community. You haven't heard of it?"

"Just because he has two moms, doesn't mean his wardrobe is decked in rainbows, okay?"

"I've gone to Pride once or twice? And Provincetown?," he offers his allegiance to the LGBT side of his mothers' world.

"You don't have to defend your involvement," she says, "I bet there's an organization in your school."

"I don't think there is. I'm still kind of new I just started, so I'm not sure. And if there was, I didn't know what PFLAG was, so I haven't paid attention," he shrugs.

"It's cool J, I didn't either."

"So a co-ed bathroom?," Jamie clarifies.

"Yeah, Finn's friend adds, "so if you don't identify as one gender or you're transitioning, you don't have to feel like you're forced into a gender specific bathroom."

He nods, "but anyone can go in?"

"Yeah," she laughs, seeing where his adolescent mind has gone, "Finn, are all your friends from home filthy? Your mother seems like such a polite woman."

"Hey, the kid's not blind, you're telling him a naked girl can just go waltzing by the same bathroom and this is acceptable, what do you expect?"

She exhales, "there are stalls," she tells Jamie, bursting his bubble.

"Well, that's no fun," Finn remarks.

Jamie laughs, while texting Lauren, "have you ever heard of PFLAG?"


	47. Chapter 47

47

After winter break, Jamie rallied together enough of his friends, through both genuine interest and a slight bit of threatened force, to become members of his theoretical PFLAG organization. With Piper's help, he made blurbs on index cards to pass out, explaining the purpose of the organization so he wouldn't have to repeat himself. In his initial proposal to promote awareness of events that were occurring throughout the city, they'd contacted their local office for stickers that supported safe zones, a space or person, where people could express themselves and expect a conversation free of hate. By the end of his first semester, many upperclassmen were willing participants, and fostered teacher's participation, adding the multi-colored stickers to each classroom door front. It took a while to get over, having the co-ed bathroom idea rejected, but knowing that commentary, such as Eli's, wouldn't be tolerated, he accepted this rejection as a small defeat. Initially hesitant of her son's ambition, during his second semester, Alex contacted the GLSEN* for a couple hundred "Day of Silence" temporary tattoos, in attempt to support her son's second mission. With his friends and upperclassmen, a letter was constructed and proposed to their principal, asking that no retaliation would be enforced, for those choosing to keep their voices mute. Upon approval, faculty was notified and encouraged to find alternate means of educating for the 'day of silence,' to acknowledge those who are expected to be silent about their support everyday.

On a particular day in April, the bathroom stalls are eerily quiet, the faucets run, while students in every year, press their temporary tattoos on their cheeks, hands, necks or other patches of skin of their choice, with wads of moistened toilet paper. A few students talk, but the halls remain essentially devoid of sound. The morning announcements, that normally signal the start of the day, don't happen that morning. Whether it was due to pressure from colleagues, or change of heart, after lunch, teachers who'd continued to conduct their lessons verbally, joined the masses, and found alternate means to teach.

* * *

The sound of a mucous lined hacking cough, shoots up from the floor. Her cheek presses into the mattress and tilts over the edge to see Harper coughing in her sleep in a make shift nest on the floor. Piper places a flat hand onto Harper's back, she swears she can feel the congestion through her daughter's skin. Feeling guilty that she'd banned their daughter from crawling into their bed, as Alex always ended up sick when she was within close proximity to either of their sick children, she shakes her awake and helps guide her up into their bed. Once her daughter is settled, in a lazy daze, she pushes off their bed and tilts the pillow diagonally, to aid in keeping the small blonde thrasher away from her wife. She digs out the vaporizer, and plugs it in, sending a mist of cool air throughout her side of the bed. She nestles herself between the other two, and absentmindedly pats her daughters back with a cupped hand, until she falls asleep.

In the morning, complaints of not being able to breathe are spoken into both of Piper's ears. As Alex trudges to the bathroom, with her overly dramatic open-mouthed breathing, Harper whimpers and says she doesn't feel well, in a voice that means her mother has ten seconds to get her toward the toilet, or their bed will be covered in vomit. She practically rips Harper from their bed and gets to her to the toilet, knocking Alex's hips against the sink as she tries to stick the neti-pot into her nostril. Their daughter pukes, the warm salty water from the neti-pot runs down Alex's throat, past her gag reflex and elicits both a dry hack, and a nudge of Harper off to the side as she gets sick herself.

"Al, I cant afford to take a day off right now," she whines guiltily.

"We'll be fine, right Harps?"

"Mmmm," Harper grunts, with her cheek against the porcelain of the tub.

"I'll set you guys up for the day," the blonde offers, as she kneels on the tile of their bathroom floor with a cup of mouthwash for Harper.

"Babe, seriously, we'll be fine. I'm not nauseated, it was just the sound of the gagging combined with a bad angle. Go do your thang," she says with a nasal sounding head wiggle.

"You sound very convincing," she says sardonically, before she escorts Harper out into the living room. She makes up a new bed for Harper on the couch, with one of their oldest, worn in blankets. She changes the pillow case from her daughter's pillow, and rests her head down, while handing her the remote. A bucket is placed by the edge of the couch, and another fluffy comforter is unfolded and placed on their longer couch, while the brunette comes in complaining that Piper's making a bigger fuss than necessarily.

"Piper, we're fine! I can lay out my own blanket."

"Sure, you're fine, at this moment, and then in an hour, you're gonna be glad that I set you up here... and so will I," she mutters under her breath, knowing a sick Alex, means a whiny, baby Alex.

When Jamie gets home from school, having been gone before the rest of his family had been up and about, he sees the camp set up in the living room. He notices his mother and sister laying down, without any energy, looking like shit, "oh man, two of you are down?"

"It's not that bad," his mother tries to downplay how bad she feels, not wanting Harper to feel guilty for getting her sick. She props herself up on her elbow to pass Harper's cup of orange juice over to her and encourages her to drink.

"It's empty," Harper says through her mouth, after she sucks only air through her straw.

"Did you sleep in their room?," he asks her annoyed as he takes her juice cup, knowing her routine.

She stares back him with furrowed brows, not liking that he's made her feel bad.

"Leave her alone," Alex mumbles from the couch and gets up slowly to refill their cups of juice. At the sink, she washes them out before pulling the orange juice from the refrigerator.

"Go sit down," he says taking the carton of juice from her. "Harper what do you want to eat?," he yells from the kitchen.

"Ahhh," Alex grabs her head and glares at him. "Loud," she explains.

"Sorry," he whispers.

He walks a few feet closer to his sister, as ultimately, a sick Harper is one of his weaknesses. "I can heat up the chicken and princess noodles?"

"I don't want soup," she says sadly into the fabric of her blanket.

"Peanut butter and jelly?," he suggests.

"Yeah," she nods, as he returns to the kitchen. Alex is slumped into a chair, holding both empty cups. He pours some juice for his mom, as he knows she's useless when she's not feeling well, but continues to act as though she can conquer the world. He pours a cup full for his sister as well, and returns the carton the fridge before withdrawing the jelly from shelf on the door.

He starts to make his sister her sandwich, "do you want one?," he asks Alex as she peels an eye open.

She nods pathetically on the table.

He makes two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, careful to make sure the slice with peanut butter is on the bottom. Alex stares at him constructing their sandwiches, and shakes her head.

He walks the sandwich and juice over to his sister and sets it on the table. "Is the peanut butter on the bottom?," she asks through a nasal nose.

"Yeah it is, see?," he peels the bread back slightly so she can approve.

She nods her head in approval, "thanks Jamie."

"Drink all of your juice okay?," he says as he rubs her head, "you gotta get better!" He feels really bad when he sees she's sick and feeling down. He loves giving her a hard time based on how annoying she was that week, but when she's sick, the playing field is truly uneven, and he feels as though all that's present is the shell of his little sister.

"I knowwww," she whines.

He returns to the kitchen, to clean up,

"you know you don't actually have to put the peanut butter on the bottom, right?," Alex asks him.

"Yeah I do, she can tell if its not done that way."

Alex flips her sandhich over in her hands repeatedly, "no she can't."

"Yeah she can, when she asks, she'll know if I'm lying."

She smirks, "okay," she says thinks thinking it's sweet that he caters to his sister when shes sick.

Harper walks in a moment later to get the straw for her juice.

"Harper c'mon, you're gonna be sick for the parade and we wont be able to go! You too!," he says to Alex, as she's been designated to take them to the Thanksgiving day parade in a few days.

"I know Jamie, I'm trying," she says frustrated, as she reaches up to the cabinet to grab a new straw.

"You have to sleep in your room, even when you're sick. You practically killed mom!," he says motioning toward Alex.

"I'm fine!," Alex grumbles and sneezes all over her sandwich.

Jamie grimaces, disgusted, "you're not fine, and she's ten, it's ridiculous that she needs to come into your room for every little thing."

"Ugh enough, please stop. She didn't get me sick, I was probably on my way anyways. Thanks for your help, just...go sit in your room, please."

"Such a punishment," he says acting relieved to get away from them.

"And keep the door open," Alex tells him.

Leaving the door open while being banished to their rooms served several purposes. Grounding their children, resulted in more punishment for them than their kids, so it was soon realized that the revoking of privledges with an open door, forced insightful thought regarding the behavior, without isolating the person completely.

While being alone, was an often welcome reprieve for both Alex and Jamie, Harper and Piper showed a different level of angst while being forced into solitude. Ever since she'd lost her first tooth, when Harper pleaded to sleep in their room, Piper thought back to how she felt when she'd been sent to SHU, never wanting to reproduce those feelings for either child. If being sent to their rooms seemed appropriate, the door was left open, it was an understood rule.

Jamie becomes bored after sitting in his room for more than twenty minutes without being allowed to touch any form of media.

He goes into his bathroom and turns the water on to take a shower,

"why are there plants in my shower?," he asks coming into the living room.

"It's Echinacea," she says meeting his gaze.

He shakes his head at Piper's applications of alternative medicine.

"I know kid," she sympathizes with Piper's herbal remedies, some of which were forced down her throat that very morning. "It helps decongest or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention," she laughs.

He rolls his eyes and exhales.

"J?"

He turns around before heading back to shower in the jungle,

"I'm sorry I snapped at you. I suck when I'm sick."

A few days later, Alex stands in the kitchen, after getting off the phone with Piper, who's very clearly stressed with anticipatory pre-holiday demands.

"I need your help okay?," she says to both of their kids. "This is your mother's favorite holiday, and its too much for gram and gramps to do all this cooking. Black Friday is her busiest day."

Harper nods, while Jamie leans against the counter, this thumbs wilding texting.

"Jamie put down the effing phone and help us."

His pointer comes up as if to give him a second, and walks away.

Harper dries her hands on the dish towel and is handed a potato and a peeler. "Thank you for not being a completely useless child."

"Am I the favorite?," she asks as she starts to peel.

"Yes, you're definitely the favorite," she drawls.

After the sack of potatoes are peeled, Harper begs to make the cranberry sauce, solo, this year as she remembers what she did with guidance at her grandmother's counter the year before.

"Go for it," she tells her, bidding adieu to another task she wont have to complete herself. She's determined to prepare a Thanksgiving dinner that meets her wife's expectations.

After spending the morning camped on the sidewalk watching the Thanksgiving day parade, Alex, Jamie and Harper come home.

"Did you see us?," Harper asks Piper who's got the tv flipped onto the station that airs the parade. "How is it still on?" Harper asks.

"We watched from the beginning," Alex tells her, "it takes them more than an hour to get from the front of the parade to the end, where the camera's are."

"Oh," Harper replies.

"Al, can you take the turkey out in about 10 minutes to re-baste? It still has another hour or so. "

"Yeah yeah, go shower."

"Can I help?," Harper asks as Jamie lounges on the couch and watches the end of the parade from the 34th street perspective.

As the turkeys cluck around Herald square, Jamie approaches the fridge for something to drink and watches his mother and his sister pour the broth over the celebrity of their dinner.

"You know it's kind of morbid to have those guys strutting around on tv and then were gonna eat their friend for dinner," he says.

"What?," Harper asks.

He swallows his drink, and points, "the turkey."

She narrows her eyes at him confused. And it hits her, that the bird she's helping prepare was once a living, walking, breathing animal. "W-w-what?"

"Harper, what did you think you were eating?," he asks her in awe.

"I didn't think it was a real turkey...like...like an animal!"

"Babe really?," Alex asks her.

"Is chicken, a real chicken?," her hand shakily, puts down the baster.

"Yeah," Jamie says laughing at her, "seriously? It's not like creative wording."

"Oh my God," she says revolted, "what else has animals?"

Alex shakes her head at him, trying to get him to not go through every possible source of meat that her daughter has not had any opposition to eating thus far.

"Alright lets start with the morning," he begins, "bacon, your breakfast sausage..."

"What's in those?!"

"It's pork right?," he confirms with Alex.

She purses her lips displeased with him, she shrugs her shoulder and nods.

"What's pork?!," her face is fearful.

"Pig, Harps."

Her mouth drops open, her eyes are glassy. "What else?," she demands to know.

"Cheeseburger?," he continues.

"What's the burger part?," her lids blink her tears.

"Cow," his voice becomes soft. "Harper, don't feel bad," he tries to sound earnest, but laughs just a little.

"It's not funny Jamie, who would eat them? It's so mean."

"It's not mean, there's stuff in them that we need."

Alex continues basting.

"Stop it!," she shouts, toward her mother, "how could you do that? We cant eat it!"

"Well we're not throwing it out Harper, it's already dead," she says to her daughter as if shes being unreasonable.

She shakes her head, "I'm not eating that," she says pointing to the bird. She looks at the other food in their refrigerator, "does anything else in here have animals?"

"The ham," he tells her and rubs her back.

"You're really gonna eat them?," she asks looking at her brother.

"Yes, they're delicious!," he says as if shes crazy to consider not eating them.

"I can't believe you. You knew I was eating animals and you didn't tell me!," she says to both of them.

"I can't believe you didn't realize that chicken and turkey were chicken and turkey," he says back to her.

"Shut up Jamie, why would I think it would be okay to kill an animal and eat it?!," she screams at him.

"Stop telling him to shut up," Alex pipes in.

Piper walks down in her towel, "what's going on, why are you screaming?"

"Mommy, we killed a turkey for Thanksgiving."

 _Shit_. "Well, we didn't kill it."

"It was already dead?," her daughter asks thinking they just found a dead turkey that needed to be eaten.

"Well... I mean someone killed it."

She brushes the tears from her cheek, she feels alone, as her family doesn't seem to show any distress over the barbarity.

"It was a free-range turkey though," Piper gently offers. She shakes her head, not understanding.

"It wasn't caged or anything," she clarifies.

"Are they normally?!," her daughter asks with wide eyes.

"Not helping," Alex mutters to Piper.

"Some are," Piper says, trying to justify spending the extra money on free-range meat products.

"Can I eat something else that gives me what animals did?"

"Yeah babe, you can be a vegetarian, and get proteins and iron from other sources."

"You're not gonna eat meat ever again, really?," Alex asks her.

"No," she shakes her head, certain of this stance. "Can we go to the store tomorrow and get other foods?"

"Babe, you know I have to be at my store early tomorrow." She turns to Alex.

"I wouldn't even know where to start Harper," she says completely turned off by this newfound passion.

"Can't we ask people when were there?," her daughter asks desperately needing new food in their house.

Alex whines slightly, not pleased to spend her day off in a health food store. "Wouldn't you rather wait til mom is off?"

"No I want to go tomorrow."

"Great," she says sarcastically with an illigitamate smile.

Piper adds, "Can you pick this up as well?," she pulls the list from the fridge and stars all the items that have organic options.

Alex shoots her a glare, "why do I bother bringing my paycheck home? I may as well just open a tab there. We're all going to die of something, a little pesticide never killed anybo... ugh, alright."

"Weren't you just sick? Because you eat garbage. They get sick like twice a year, and I'd like to think this something to do with it," Piper says with obviousness and pecks her on the cheek, "thank you."

"We can't get outnumbered kid," the brunette says to Jamie, he nods, also not caring about organic foods, solely concerned about the taste of his food. "I can do this," she says looking over the list, "but im not cutting out gluten next or caving for some other ridiculous trend. I'm not cooking four individual dinners based on everyone's quirks!"

Harper looks between them, "what's gluten?," now hyperaware of every thing that's going to go into her mouth.

"It's from wheat, relax," the brunette replies.

Her blue eyes look up at her with concern.

"From a plant, it's okay."

She puts the list back on the refrigerator while Piper walks off to get dressed. She puts the turkey back into the oven and adjusts the temperature.

"Can you please not eat it?," Harper asks with plead in her voice.

"Babe its already made, it would be a waste to throw it out, wouldn't it?"

"I can't do it though."

"You don't have to," she says and plants a kiss on her daughter's head, "there's plenty of other things for you to eat."

Around the Chapman's dining room table, Piper's parent's catch up and add their unsupportive commentary toward's Harper's dietary change.

Watching Piper heatedly defend their daughter, causes the brunette to literally bite the smirk that's forming in the corner of her mouth. While Piper takes a breath, she rubs her foot along the blonde's ankle, under the table, flirtatiously.

Alex loves fucking with her in front of other people, always getting a rush while other people are within range.

Piper peers at her wife out of the corner of her eye, a subtle lustful look that's all too familiar, and the brunette can hardly believe her eyes. Piper adjusts her seat, getting Alex's attention, she pulls the waist of her blue underwear up above her pants, just enough for the brunette to catch a glimpse. Alex excuses herself from the table and shortly returns, sitting down roughly, she shoves the panties she just removed in the bathroom, into Piper's pocket. The blonde reaches down and feels the fabric in her pocket, her cheeks redden. Alex snickers and rejoins the conversation, as if she never left. She reaches for the water pitcher, and refills Piper's glass, without asking.

"What if I didn't want anymore?," the blonde says through her teeth.

"It's good for hydration."


	48. Chapter 48

48

The pace of their stroll is exaggeratedly slow, the kind of drag where your feet feel leaden, the kind of drag where you've just been forced to dance for just "one more." You enjoyed it though, the atypical, out of town wedding, the pull this woman still has over you. Her smile gets you every time, her skin is still just a tad bit sweaty, she fans it away, while she walks up ahead with Francesca and imitates her dance moves while she sings Michael Jackson's "Wanna Be Startin' Something" acapella. Francesca looks over her shoulder once they get by the edge of the poolside, she spots your best friend, who's walking alongside you and re-enacts her wild haired girlfriend's "Hip Hop Hooray" arms. Her laughter mixed with Piper's almost earn them a toss in the pool but you resist the urge. You see Piper pull her phone out, to call your kids, you assume.

"Hi baby, everything okay?," you hear her say into the phone _. I win_ , you think.

"Yeah mom," he responds.

"What'd you eat for dinner?"

"Leftovers," he says dully. "I was going to order takeout but conveniently all the menus were missing from the drawer."

"I told you not to open the door for anyone, so how were you planning on getting the food inside?"

Alex steals the phone, "hey kid."

"Hi ma."

"You burn our shit down?"

"Not yet."

"Great, you guys good?"

"Yeah. we're fine."

"See ya tomorrow."

"Later."

She's hits the end call button and hands Piper back her phone. "They're fine," she confirms with a nod towards her wife's pouting lip. She removes her shoes, she slowly pulls her dress up the length of her legs, just below her ass and sits along the edge of the pool. She rubs the space beside her, "come sit."

"I'm not gonna just sit on the edge of the pool in a chiffon dress."

"High maintenance," she mutters.

Francesca sticks it to her, "you know if you mess it up, all it means is you'll have to spend hours of your time shopping, finding another one when there's another wedding."

"I don't," she pauses, "do I have another upcoming one?'

"Can it, Vause," Nicky shoots down her friend before she can start with her.

Piper nudges Alex's back with her knee, "leave them alone," she whispers softly. "Well I'm gonna go up and change into my bathing suit, do you want yours?"

"We just danced the whole night."

"So?"

"So... I'm all set, thanks," she laughs as though her wife is psychotic.

"I'll go swimming with you," the auburn haired woman offers.

"Thank you Francesca," she says with a bit of an attitude thanks to Alex's rejection.

Nicky drags a lounge chair by the edge to sit near Alex.

"You want yours?," Francesca asks Nicky.

"Yeah why not," she replies.

The brunette waits for Piper and Francesca to be out of earshot, "so... it was a pretty fun wedding."

"If you like this sort of thing," Nicky responds through her teeth. She eyes the bar at the other end of the pool, "you think College will want one?"

"Yeah," the brunette says toward Nicky's back, amused at the woman's eagerness to walk away from her. She returns with four bottles of beer, clenched together in her hands. She sets them down carefully on the edge with Alex's help. The brunette starts swirling her bottle around.

Nicky taps her on the head, "don't spill it, I assured the bartender they weren't just for us and we wouldn't knock them in."

"I'll do my best." She moves over some, and gestures for Nicky to take a seat next to her. "You heard my voice of reason."

"Do I stink or something?," she says lifting up an arm. Nope. "Just hike it up," she moves her hand around the hem of Nicky's long skirt, "don't be a pussy."

She hands Alex her beer and sits as gracefully as she can and dips her feet into the pool.

"So?," the brunette asks her.

"What?," she responds with a wag of her head.

"Nothing," she laughs through her nose.

"If you have something smart to say, fucking say it." She looks over her shoulder to see if Francesca and Piper are returning.

Her eyes widen, "that!," she says poking the smaller woman. "What?," she looks around her lap and around the space she's sitting.

The brunette licks her lips and wrestles with pressing a conversation that she and Piper have had multiple times. "Are you happy?," she asks, already knowing the answer.

Nicky bites her lip, and stares at Alex momentarily. She leans back, almost defensive, protective of the admission of her feelings. She nods, "yeah, I am."

She tucks a piece of her dark hair behind her ear, "any chance you'd make it legal?" She takes a sip of her beer.

She laughs nervously and shakes her head no. She turns and looks at the pool, her foot swirls in the water.

Alex hesitates, "it's just, she fits right into our chaos. You rarely fight. She makes you act like even more of a doofus than you normally are."

Nicky's stare continues at the water.

"I'm not pushing you, if you don't want...it... that's cool."

She smirks for a moment before she gets serious, "I know, I don't wanna mess with a good thing."

She nods and takes another sip of her beer, "or," she pauses for emphasis, "you could have a good thing, all the time."

"Yeeeeeah, I dunno. Who's to say it's not been good because we know we can break away from each other and go our respective spaces?"

"It's a valid point. But usually after, what? Three years? It's not a fluke, just saying. There's something else there." She looks at Nicky properly, but gets no reaction. She continues, "but what the fuck do I know, right? Lord knows I fucked up more than my share."

"How long were you guys dating before you moved in together?"

"That's not important," not wanting to bring attention to her haste filled past. "What's important is the way that woman has a hold on you. From the beginning, if there was an opportunity to lay your eyes on her for another second, you took it."

"Yeah lay,"she tries to be comedic while Alex's gaze indicates she wishes to continue a serious conversation. She changes her tone, "my eyes," she tangles her hand in her hair and squeezes her scalp, "I know."

"So you admit she does this to you?"

"Yes, that woman gives me serious vagingles okay?"

Alex loudly cackles, "she's different."

"And is that ultimately why you caved? Because Piper was different? How long did you wait?"

"It's-not-important," the brunette states each word slowly.

Nicky realizes it was fast, her tongue rakes across her teeth, "did she ask you or you asked her?"

She shakes her head at Nicky's continued inquiry.

Nicky takes a wide open hand and splashes a small wave of water at the brunette. "Nooo," Alex huffs and laughs at the water that's now sprinkled all over her dress.

"You asshole, tell me."

"Around a year," she tells her not wanting to add more water to her clothing.

"Seriously?," she asks now self-conscious of how long she and Francesca have managed to avoid moving in together.

"Yeah, I asked her to move in with me, well, sort of... I was subtle."

"Yeah I'm sure, like a hole in the wall. Wow, so Blondie finagled her way in, in the course of a year? You never stood a chance."

The brunette smirks, and shakes her head, no I didn't. "Look there was something from day one, but little by little I just, I don't know, at the end of the day, I didn't want her to go home."

"I mean I get like that sometimes too?" She sighs, _fucking women_. "I do want that," she pauses, feeling weird for allowing those words to cross her lips. "I know sometimes she does too. We've talked about it... maybe once." Her head drops shamefully.

"You have? So what the hell? Wait... which _it_?"

"Moving into her place," she says so fast Alex scoots away from her, "the only it," her voice rises. She looks over her shoulder again.

"Fuck, would you chill?," she runs her fingers through her hair and moves most of it to one side of her head. "I was just clarifying."

She watches Nicky pound the rest of her beer.

She offers her the rest of hers, as she apparently needs it more than she does. Nicky sets down her empty bottle, and declines Alex's offer.

"Nick, moving in, getting married...," she stops as Nicky leans back and lets her head rest on the lounge chair behind her. "You alright?"

Nicky nods, wondering how she got to a place where a conversation such as this, could be happening.

Alex continues, "it's really not all the different from each other honestly. I used to think marriage would somehow end my life, but sometimes, certain people make you do things, you never thought you would..."

* * *

She grasps the brass door knocker and taps it against the wooden door. She waits outside for what feels like the longest sixty seconds of her life, when the door slowly opens.

"Can I help you?"

She can't help the small inward gasp, "Mrs. Chapman."

Her hand adjusts the scarf around her neck, "Alex?"

She confirms with her barely there smile. The toe of her boot points inward as she takes in the svelte frame of the woman who now opens the door a little wider. She focuses on the blue of her eye, to keep her grounded, to prevent her from keeling over on the Chapman's doorstep. She's heard more stories about this woman than she cares to. Whatever they know of each other, is primarily, unpleasant.

"I recognize your voice," she says to the brunette. She inconspicuously looks over the woman who's dressed in clothing that lacks color outside of the grey/black hue palette. Never having seen her before, though she supposes she's never really welcomed the opportunity for more information, she takes her in, the dark haired, unexpectedly alternative, nerdy even, and unsuspectingly timid woman. Her image does not meet what she's painted, a head of an international drug cartel/ daughter predator to be.

"Is everything alright with Piper?," her tone is worried.

"Piper's great," she quickly reassures her, failing to have fathomed that randomly showing up, would worry her girlfriend's mother, about her well being.

"I didn't mean to make you nervous," she says apologetically. Incredible, she thinks, having already managed to mess this up. "I... I was hoping I could talk to you."

Carol Chapman takes a step back and opens her door, with only slight reluctance, for the person who, as far as she's concerned, ruined her daughter's life.

Her expression reads loud and clear. She can see the woman's scapulae tense through her delicate blouse. Carol motions her hand toward a chair at their dining room table. Before they're seated and before she can say another word, Alex verbalizes the words that she sees weaving through Piper's mother's head,

"I know I'm ruining your dreams for her, or I already have, depending on how you look at it. And I take some responsibility for that."

She can see her jaw harden, her lips so tightly pursed, they're barely there. She exhales loudly through her nose. "Piper doesn't blame you, she's been certain of that for years," her tone is cold. "I don't know that I can say the same."

Her dark eyebrows rise, she grips the edge of the table, holding on, she sits. This chair, is unnaturally hard. She looks up toward the older woman, her back is stiff, also unnatural. Makes sense. "Putting myself in your shoes, I don't know if I would've let me past the entrance of your house. Thank you for letting me speak."

The blonde woman remains silent.

"I'd imagine I'm not your first choice, nor your fifth choice, in a partner for Piper." _Understatement_ , the woman across from her emanates.

"But you know the worst of me. Piper's one of the most brilliant and interesting people I've ever known and I've met a lot of people. But she's had the strength to get up and go, even if it was in the worst possible time ever." She takes a moment to collect herself. "She's not predictable, just when you think you'd know the way she'd respond she turns and goes another way."

Carol nods in complete agreement. "I've encouraged Piper down a path that I saw better fit for her, and she's decided, that she'll pave her own way."

She nods once seeing the hurt in Mrs. Chapman.

"Why are you here Alex?," she asks in a tone that encourages the brunette to get on with it.

Her eyebrows come together, for a moment, in annoyance for having driven ninety minutes, to feel unwelcome within five. "I've tried thinking about this from your perspective and I want you know that I've done a lot, made great efforts, to change. I don't function on the ideal, because it just doesn't work. I don't theorize, I do. I've saved and searched and figured out how to make a life for us. I don't have ideas. I have concrete things going for me, to ensure that I can care for her. And though I don't have what I used to, I can assure you, she'll want for nothing. I won't make the same mistakes I made with her in the past."

"Alright." It's all she offers. And so the brunette continues.

"I'm risking a lot, asking her to spend her life with me."

Carol squeezes her eyes shut, having her fear spoken aloud.

"I believe she needs me the way I need her, but that she also wants to spend her life with me too. You know, some people get together young and make this life journey together and fumble through their mistakes. They tolerate more because they're already married. But her and I? We've already gone through the worst, and I think I speak on behalf of both of us when I say that we would still choose to commit to each other, despite our imperfections."

Carol re-opens her eyes, "you both have definitely had your share of less than perfect circumstances."

She nods, "and through that, Piper has always had you. Sometimes, to be honest, I think she takes that for granted, but I know what her committing to me, can do to you, so I wanted to speak to you first." Her arms cross against her chest in self-preservation while Carol's shoulders relax.

"I really love her, and I will continue to take care of her. It's hard when you love someone so much, to not push them to do something you think is best for them. You know that, and I know that."

Her back re-straightens against the hard wooden back of the chair.

"You know, I don't have this family dynamic, flawed and skewed as it may be. You all have each other and in times of hardship, you've managed to put your beliefs aside and support her."

Carol exhales, her hands clasp together but rest atop her dining room table.

"Piper said it took her dad a long time to come see her, but you were always there."

"I didn't want to see her in that place either."

"But you did. Because she's your baby. No matter how much she thinks she's right and you're wrong, how she could even make you feel that way while sitting across from you, in a prison jumpsuit; she's still yours. She's going to do what she wants, but I wanted you to know how important your presence has been for her. You don't have to love the idea of us, I don't expect that from you. I get the whole pre-planned ideals for your children, I think everyone does that at some point or another and for you, I'm partially the reason those things didn't happen for her.

"Alex..."

"I'm not asking you to be pleased with me, but just, if you think you can," she feels her voice willing to crack, "just continue to be the presence you've been for Piper."

The fear that she'd be the reason for an estranged relationship, hits Carol straight in her chest. This woman, she's someone's daughter, a person. Her tongue rolls in her mouth, in search of the foul taste that often accompanied the idea of the woman sitting across from her, but it strangely isn't there.

The floorboard above creaks as Bill descends from upstairs. Her grey-green eyes dart upwards toward the noise, startled, previously unaware that someone else was in the house. She assumes it's Piper's father, her feelings about him are more complex; Piper is a self-proclaimed "daddy's girl," but she doesn't understand why, when the woman across from her has been the one, who despite giving her a hard time, has been there.

He takes a deep breath as he, very obviously, gives the brunette a once over. She pulls the hem of her shirt down as she comes to her feet. Is he smirking? He hates me, she thinks, when all he can actually think about is, the way this woman appears, is exactly what he could imagine his daughter wanting. A person who embodies the exact opposite of what has surrounded her, her whole life.

Why am I here?!, she screams to herself. The little voice reminds her, "for Piper." She extends her hand, for formality, for respect, solely for being the other half of DNA that's made the person she so deeply loves.

He steps to her closely; his eyebrows sternly furrow, having listened to the conversation from the top of the stairs, "I... couldn't see her like that. In there. For the longest time. She's a good girl, I couldn't see her being forced into those clothes, made to be like everyone else, stripped of everything that she deserves in the world, because of a single mistake," he tells her in defense of himself.

She knows of his mistakes, the grief shows clear on his face. It's unclear if he speaks of Piper alone, or if he feels his mistake falls into a similar category, the guilt illustrated for not having to pay for his sin.

Carol takes an exaggerated breath with a heave and drop of her shoulders.

Uptight. It's amazing that Piper had such a blithe spirit when I met her. It's taking everything in this woman's control to tolerate my presence. I haven't said all I have to say, but I should leave.

As the brunette adjusts her position ready to stand and thank them both for her allowing her into their home, Carol speaks,

"Bill, can you set the coffee on?"

She opens her mouth to speak, but Carol interrupts, "A-Alex, do you drink coffee?"

"What?," she breathes out.

"Do you drink coffee? Would you like some?"

"That's alright."

"Milk, sugar?," she says blatantly ignoring the declination.

"I, usually take it bl-" she stops, what am I doing? "Milk and sugar sounds great." Her eyes close and she takes a breath, this isn't as horrible as she'd psyched herself up to think it would be.

Bill returns after putting the coffee on, "how is she?"

She looks up slightly confused as Piper's told her she talks to them fairly regularly. "Doesn't she talk to you?," she asks with hesitation.

"She does, but I believe anything she tells me. How is she really?"

"She's great." It is the reality, and she's happy to report it.

He looks relieved and nods, "good."

Carol leaves to retrieve the coffee, they sit in an awkward silence until she comes back.

She places a tray onto the dining room table and sets a mug in front of Alex. She places the small pitcher with milk along with the sugar bowl, centrally on the table. Alex reaches for the milk when Carol pulls it back.

"There's no use in spoiling a perfectly good thing, to satisfy someone else's desires." Alex brings her hand back.

"If you like it black," her words are slow, "that's how you should take it."

The brunette blows into the dark liquid cooling it before she sips at the edge.

"If I'm being truthful, Piper's my only daughter. I don't approve of half of the choices that she's made," her smile is involuntary, "but she no longer needs my approval does she?"

"But a piece of her will always want it," she offers trying to let this woman understand her parents will always be important to her. Their role is defined as part of who she is, regardless if it brings her stress.

"I wish, I hadn't waited so long to see her," Bill interjects. "Afraid I was a little too late, that she'll never fully forgive that I couldn't accept that, as her new reality. In the same way that I couldn't see that she was in there because of something she did wrong, she won't be able to see me the same way because I let her down."

She's not comfortable commenting, she can't help but glance at Carol's face, gouging her reaction to Piper's father's words.

 _Stoic_. Her impressions of this woman are not what she's built in her head after so many of Piper's, one sided, descriptions over the years, and when she tries to put it all together, she can empathize with her, and she's sure Piper could as well if she gave her a chance.

"What do your parents think of all this?," Carol asks.

 _Has she not told them?_ On one hand she appreciated Piper's restraint of gossip regarding her lack of parents. On the other hand, she wonders if Piper held back from mentioning that her girlfriend's mother passed, for her guilt would be impossible to hide as she spoke to her own mother. Or perhaps Mrs. Chapman had simply never cared to ask.

"I'm sort of orphaned," she half laughs at how pathetic it sounds coming from a woman pushing forty.

Both Chapman's look directly at her, their eyes are sympathetic. "I'm sorry," Carol expresses tensely, almost embarrassed, "I didnt know."

"I don't like to talk about it much. I guess Piper wasn't comfortable either."

"She's been well taught to swallow uncomfortable things," she says with a bit of a frown. She sips her coffee, and glances at her husband, willing him to say something to change the subject.

He glances at the brunette's forearm, her tribal band ink peeks from under the cuff of her sweater, she adjusts the length to hide it.

"Tattoo?"

She nods with a single dip of her head.

"Any others?," he inquires.

"Bill that's impolite," she whispers toward him at a scold, watching the other woman's body language shift.

He raises his palm in Alex's direction, "was that rude?," he asks her honestly, as if his wife's judgement is wrong.

"No, I just... I know I'm not like other people Piper's," she pauses, _get out of the hole_ , _get out of the hole_ , "been with," she chooses.

He waves a hand, expressing the tattoo isn't a big deal. "I have one," he offers.

"Yeah?," she asks as though she cares. However, she's grateful for the effort.

"Navy seal," he says patting his outer arm.

"I didn't know," she says honestly.

"It's interesting you know, being displeased with things your children do, when you've done them yourself."

Alex's eyebrows raise as she sips her coffee.

"She was with you when she got that fish on the back of her neck, wasn't she?," he asks her.

She isn't sure if he's accusing her of being responsible or just confirming facts. "I was. In my defense, she wanted to get it at some crusty shop on an island an Indonesia," a laugh escapes at the memory of Piper plastered, declaring her need for permanent markings, in that very moment. "I made her wait until we found somewhere that was more reassuringly sterile." She looks into her empty mug and slides it gently across the shiny wood of the table.

Piper's parents exchange glances. There were plenty of words that were on the brim of being said from every person at the dining room table. The underlying constant, lay with their love of Piper.

"I spent an unnatural amount of time worrying about coming here," she admits. "I need you to like me," she blurts out, "enough, for Piper's sake."

Carol's chin dips down, her eyes avoid the brunette's as she's already heard of the woman's intentions.

"Sir?"

"Bill," he insists.

"Bill," she breathes, "I was telling your wife," she exhales, _what am I doing?_ , "I plan to ask Piper to marry me."


	49. Chapter 49

Sandfromoz- thanks for all of your comments. You know, again, I wrote this a while ago- but based on what we knew about Carol and Bill, they were less than thrilled about Piper's past and her choices. Then we got a glimpse during visitation at Pipers bday and the reaction again w "I have a girlfriend," wasn't great. Carols reaction in season 5 was a little unbelievable BUT, I'm looking at it from this angle- as I had Alex say, Carol has always shown up/ she's been there for Piper throughout her time at Litchfield even though she doesn't approve which says how much she really does love her and she's genuinely worried about her with this riot (I loved her, Suzanne's mother and leanne's mother out there during the riot) and in the way that Alex and Piper prioritized their lives between the hell they experienced in season 4 and now the riot, I'm thinking Carol prioritized as well and said look, my daughter is in danger, and through her eyes, not equipped to handle a riot, I'm glad she has someone in there that she cares about, has someone to live for, (and maybe will try to remain safe vs leading the resistance,) I guess there's worse things in life than her being in love with a female partner. Her tone was too nonchalant for me after this build up. I soooo hope to have footage from the show that shows Pipers family meeting Alex though, and I hope it's done well.

Guest who's asking for proposal/wedding etc- stay tuned. Whole fic is 54 chaps but it's there. I have no intent on writing new stuff but I'm open to hearing thoughts and if something stands out, I may.

* * *

49

"Bill," she breathes, "I was telling your wife," she exhales, _what am I doing?_ , "I plan to ask Piper to marry me."

He makes an uncomfortable groan.

She quickly continues before she's chewed out or doesn't have the strength to finish.

"I wouldn't have always made a good wife. I'd have made a terrible one actually, but I'm ready for that now, that role. It's not always easy, nothing that's worth it should be though, right? I love her...all of her, the good...the challenging...the not so pretty."

Bill Chapman grits his jaw, while Carol shifts uncomfortably. She presses her moist fingertip into stray pieces of sugar that dropped along the journey from the bowl to her cup, she sprinkles them into her napkin. Her eyes are watery, no, she does not want this. She's been understanding until now, tolerant of their cohabitation, waiting for Piper to come to terms with reality. But as this woman sits across from her, she knows Piper will never be who she's wanted her to be. Before she can say anything further about this, the brunette breaks the silence,

"Regardless, by law, you'll be stuck with me."

Her tone is grappling. Carol's eyes widen at the statement.

"So, if you could try to come around... not just for Piper, but for me too. It would mean a lot me as well. You only get one set of folks, but some people get two if they're lucky, if their in-laws, wanna claim them as their own."

Her expression is shocked. They've never spoken directly to each other before today, only having known each other in the abstract. Their relationship does not exist, so how could her presence suddenly matter?

"I know more about you than you'd probably be pleased with, and you probably know less about me than you should by now, but both are for a reason, I'm sure. I want her to be herself, I won't hold her back. But I won't make you a promise I can't keep. I'm not a doormat- I want her to be in a relationship where she's an equal, but if she desires something, even as much as I don't, it'll be on the table because I love her and want her happiness to come first. If she wants to open this shop with Polly, I'm going to do whatever I can to make that happen for her. But if she wants to make sandwiches because that's what makes her happy, then every morning I'll tie her apron around her back and tell her to make her best possible sandwich she can, because life is too short to not go for whatever makes you happy."

His face contorts, "you do what you need to do," he forces, as his words don't seem to come from a true place, but it's what needs to be said. "I want her to be happy, and if this," he says mildly disgusted, "is what will finally make her happy, will allow her to be who's she's meant to be then, so be it." He forces a small smile and pushes back from the table.

Carol starts to gather the coffee-ware onto the tray to return it to the kitchen.

Alex sits still, unsure if she's put a dent in the relationship her girlfriend has tried to rebuild. "Will we be seeing you both again soon?," Carol asks.

"W-what?"

"With Piper? Will you be returning with Piper? Soon?" Her voice aches to see her daughter.

"If you'll have us, yes. Maybe next time, we can have you over."

"Maybe," she forces.

* * *

Her elbows rest on her thighs underneath the table in the Litchfield visitation room. The ring that can possibly change her life lays loosely on her pinky, she spins it around with her opposite hand. Inmates enter individually, about a minute apart, they're sent in after being thoroughly searched. Each time she see a flash of the beige uniform, her back straightens, her neck strains to see if it's her, but that hair is unmistakable. She stands up ready to give her, her single allotted welcome hug. The sparkle in her eyes is always there, every time you've said you'd be here, you've shown up. Thanks to you she's gotten more visits over the last few months, than she has during the rest of her sentence, each time is as exciting as the last.

"You smell clean," she tells you as you break away from each other. You each sit down.

"I try to do the daily shower thing."

"So how'd it go? You're alive, so that's good."

Her voice is deep, "I dunno. It was a resistant go ahead." She takes a deep breath and exhales, "so, how are you?"

"I'm shittier than fucking fuck, what do you think?"

"Stupid question, sorry."

She notes the nerves in the brunette, "so are you gonna do it tonight?"

"No." _Haven't I been through enough today?_ "Well I don't know." She stops to think for a moment, "no."

"Wow this eagerness, would definitely be all the reassurance I'd need to say 'yes.'"

She lifts her hands to rub her eyes. She feels the ring move around her smallest finger, she angles it toward Nicky.

"But _that_ would, holy shit."

She takes it off to let Nicky hold it.

"I cant," she motions for the brunette to hang onto it.

She moves it around so it catches the light.

"That's beautiful Vause, really. Very Chapman."

"Thanks, it made a rather sizeable dent in my savings, but it'll be worth it, right?"

She raises her head at her friends doubt, her mouth is crooked, "she'll say yes," she says with great confidence, and sits back. "You survived the worst part," she says loosely waving her hand around, palm up. "You just gotta do it. Don't keep thinking about it, or you'll psych yourself out."

"I know. She wouldn't want anything extravagant, she likes the little things. I'm just not sure when and how and..."

"I'm sending her a letter, asking her how it feels to be engaged."

"What?," Alex looks at her sternly.

She nods, "mail goes out Wednesday. I'm putting a letter in there, so you better have done it by then."

"You wouldn't."

"Wouldn't I?

"Nichols I will strangle you in this visitation room."

"And then maybe you can be my bunkmate," she says knowing she could say whatever she wants right now and Alex cant do a thing about it.

"Nick...," she pleads.

"I won't, I won't...," she says with her hands up. "Just, do me a favor alright?" The brunette nods her head.

"Wait til I get out okay? It'll give me more motivation to not screw up."

Alex smiles, "yeah, you'll be my delinquent of honor."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I don't have anyone else, so I have to wait for you."

She scoffs, "I hear ya sister."

"How many more weeks?"

"29."

"Completely doable," she says reassuringly.

"Think Chapman'll be able to hold out that long?," she asks with a sarcastic tone, but Alex knows her wild haired friend is asking honestly.

"Yeah that sounds more than fine. Her brother," she chuckles, "had an impromptu wedding at their dad's mother's funeral," she laughs, "talk about haste."

Nicky looks at her strangely, "yeah good luck. Sounds like you're marrying into a whole lotta crazy."

"I am," she says with the biggest smile on her face.

* * *

"Yeah, I remember you how nervous you were after talking to Piper's folks," Nicky says swirling her foot around in the pool.

"It feels like a lifetime ago," Alex confirms.

"Do you and Piper talk about us?," she stops and looks around for Francesca. "Do you think that's what they're doing now?"

"Knowing Piper, she's holding up Francesca, while she tortures our children, with more inquires about all the windows being locked."

"Seriously though, do you talk about us?"

"Sure. Sometimes. We just want you to be happy Nick. That's all, seriously."

"Well I am, seriously. With the way things are. Okay?"

"Mmmhmmm," she takes another sip of her beer and pinches Nicky's knee as Francesca returns sans Piper in a tank top and running shorts.

She removes the layer of clothes over her bathing suit, "so your wife conked out," she says with a snicker and walks over toward the steps in the shallow end of the pool. Her head remains above the water as she does a few breast strokes to where the ladies are sitting. She reaches for a bottle as Nicky pulls it back,

"you have to drink it over the edge. You can't spill it or well get kicked outta here. The guy said we weren't supposed to be in this area with any glass bottles."

"Ooooh," she scratches her eye with her middle finger. She uses her arms to push herself up some, she leans forward on her torso,

"Oh yeah," Nicky teases, as her girlfriend's chest is pressed against the poolside, she pulls the beer back a little further.

Francesca shoots her a "fuck off" look, and goes to reach for it, but Nicky leans back further. She falls back into the pool and pinches the skin under Nicky's foot hard,

"ow!," she exclaims and tries to hook her toe underneath her girlfriend's top to expose her. Alex puts her hand up, just in case Nicky succeeds. She looks back to see if Piper is really sleeping, when Nicky relents and brings the beer closer. Francesca reaches for it, when the wild haired woman pulls it back for a second before handing it to her.

She takes a sip, and notes the brunette looking back toward the hotel, "she's really sleeping," she takes another swallow, "and she called your son again."

"Not surprised," she rolls her eyes but smiles, "she can't help herself."

Francesca leans her cheek on Nicky's thigh. Nicky removes the barrette and multiple hair pins that the auburn haired woman had holding her hair up, she begins massaging her scalp until her hair falls loose. The brunette looks at her best friend and wishes she would get her shit together and have a good long conversation with the woman that's tangled among her lower limbs.

"They're not allowed to leave the house. They know we'll call the landline at some point, my son knows better. He's not exactly a fan of our punishments so unless he wants a shitshow when we get back, he won't let anyone in and they won't go out."

Francesca laughs while Nicky shakes her head in agreement that those kids will be on serious lockdown if they mess up the first time they've been left alone overnight.

Francesca asks, "what's your secret?"

Alex sucks in her cheeks, with her mouth full of beer, her brows furrow in confusion.

"After so long, you're still head over heels. And not in a fronted manner, like truly."

Nicky explains, "well, you see, they were inevitable."

"Feel free to pull her in and drown her," Alex says to Francesca.

"Well, it's admirable," the woman lets her legs float to the surface, "and rare."

"And only slightly disgusting and full of drama," Nicky adds.

Her dark eyebrows raise, "you have no idea," Alex says to Francesca.

"No she does," Nicky clarifies.

Alex hooks an arm around Nicky's neck, and wraps it tight slightly choking her. She points her bottle toward Francesca, "first I wooed her to a point where I essentially had this sweet girl fawning over me, then I let her get fucked up in my drama, then I essentially neglected her to the point that she couldn't stand to be near me anymore. Next, I got her thrown in jail then lied to her and said I didn't...should I go on?"

Francesca restrains her judgment, "alright, but after that? You obviously did something right."

Nicky helps the explanation, "throughout that, they had this sick hold over one another," she stops talking.

"Yeah you know, after a while, I found myself spending more of my time longing to be with her, and I guess I just got to a point where I said 'why play this game?'" She stands up and finishes her last sip. She raises her eyebrows and motions to take Nicky's bottle.

Francesca looks at Nicky not able to tell if Alex's point was supposed to be implied toward them.

"Well, good night ladies, I'm gonna see if I can go wake my wife from the dead...with the only way I know how. Part of the whole happily married thing, sticking it to her when she doesn't even know she wants it." She lifts her shoes and let's them dangle in her grasp and walks off. She remembers...

* * *

Here, she thinks. They've walked for the better part of an hour, the air is only slightly chilled as Spring hasn't yet come into full force. The grass is short, there are green patches mixed with old brown ones, but the cherry blossom tree is full, as it is around this time every year. She tries not to peer back at the Belvedere Castle, a place that has a special significance, the place where Piper took her on a date. She notices Piper pull at the cuff of her sweater, her hands nervously push the bulky button through the hole to her girlfriend's sweater.

Piper looks at her curiously, "thanks?"

She reaches back, rubs her hands over her back pocket, she can feel the ring through the fabric of her jeans. She sits down and leans against the rough bark of the thick tree trunk. She reaches one arm up and outward, the blonde comes down to her knees and leans into the warmth of the brunette.

They people watch, talk, reminisce about memories, both old and more recent. The brunette shifts her leg, with intent to remove the ring, but Piper moves over her thigh and rests in between her legs, her back now rests against the brunette's chest.

 _How am I supposed to get it out?,_ she thinks. Piper continues to talk, she's not paying attention. She thinks of how she can casually remove the ring from her pocket, without bringing any attention from the movement.

"...don't you think?," the blonde asks.

"Yeah," she answers having no idea what the blonde was going on about.

"You're so full of shit, you're not even listening to me."

"Sorry."

"Are you getting tired? Do you want to go home?"

"Shhhh. God you talk a lot," she teases, knowing the blonde will fake being insulted with a forced pout. _That lip_. "I'm fine. You were saying?" She gets lost in the blonde's voice, her senses are heightened, as she manages to hook her pointer discreetly into her pocket and snag the ring. She feels the blonde's head moving against her sternum, she rests her chin atop her head. The sun has gone down, the blue of the sky starts to darken,

"How long are we gonna stay here?," Piper asks noticing the only thing that stands out is the paleness of her girlfriend's hands.

She brings her arm over the blonde's shoulder, she can't see her face, the ring sits on her index finger, "I was hoping for forever."

She can hear her pull in the air around her, she pivots quickly, her face goes back and forth between shock and happy tears.

 _Thank God_ , she thinks.

"Yes."

"I haven't even asked you yet."

The blonde laughs, it's snotty and gross, but she doesn't care. "Okay, ask me then!" Her hands grip Alex's hips, "say what you were going to say."

Knowing she already said yes made everything she'd planned to say easier.

"I used to think getting married meant that my life would be predictable, that I'd have to give up my freedom. And maybe after everything we've been through a little predictability wouldn't be the worse thing in the world."

Piper shakes her head, no it wouldn't be, would it?

"But then I thought, if I choose to spend my life with someone..." The blonde cant hold back her gasp.

"...who keeps me on my toes, my life will never be boring. There was this time...a time where this blonde walked into a bar...," she looks up to catch Piper's blurry eyed eye-roll, "where the world paused, so this smart assed, but all the while extremely beautiful brunette, could take her in. And she thought she had her pegged to a tee. But she shortly realized, she didn't know shit and this girl was so much more. Pipes, predictability, is not something that's ever fit into our lives. I love that I'm still learning things about you, I love that you're still learning things about yourself. I've always preferred to have you with me versus leaping over hurdles solo. So if that means that I lose part of my freedom, than great, I don't want it. I want you with me, through everything. I promise I'll do things right this time, I'll take care of you."

 _You already do._

"This whole, 9 to 5 thing, its not so bad. I know I'm coming home to someone who's as excited to see me as I am to see them. And maybe once enough pieces of my paycheck go into the travel jar, we can pay for tickets with honest money, and still do X on a beach in Cambodia with three strangers in drag."

The blonde cant suppress her laugh, "like normal people?"

"Whatever that means, yeah."

"Maybe without the X, so we don't end up back at Litchfield?"

"Yeah you're probably right. See how much I need you?" Piper takes one of her hands and squeezes it gently.

"Pipes, I...we're... not like everyone else. We'll make our marriage work for us, make our own rules, and if you want something, I promise not to be closed off to the idea. Anything you want, it'll be on the table and we'll discuss it. Alright?" The brunette aims to not repeat the same mistake, still upset that she hadn't been open to Piper's inquiries when she'd asked about a potential future together while they were incarcerated.

"We've hurt each other more than what's considered healthy, but I think it just hurt that much more because I've loved you so much. I know asking you to be with me, means ruining your life for a third time, but Ill try to keep you feeling like you haven't, until we leave this world."

"I haven't ruined my life...," she rests her hand on the brunette's cheek, her thumb strokes the underside of her chin,"the way things happened, they needed to evolve that way for me to understand what I wanted."

She can feel the brunette swallow. "And I want you."

 _I've heard these words before, but it's usually mid-throw of passion. When she says it now, she means I want you... as a person...as a partner... for life. And I feel high._

She slips the ring over Piper's finger, it stops at the knuckle but with a wiggle, it continues until it rests at the end of the blonde's left fourth finger. The brunette traces the diamond with her pointer, "Piper, will you allow people to question your mental sanity, whenever they look at this ring on your finger, and say you'll be my wife?"

A single laugh leaves her choked back sob. "Yes," she nods. Her arms relax around the brunette's shoulders while the brunette catches her mouth, drawing in her fiancé's lips.

They smile at each other. A different kind of commitment has been made, new hopes, promises, goals. A very important goal. An ultimate goal of being in this, for the long run.

"How does it feel?," the brunette asks lifting up Piper's left hand.

Piper moves it around, her finger bends and flexes, "like it'll be happy there, til we leave this world."

* * *

Alex slides the card through the slot on the door of the their hotel room. She's stupidly happy, lost in memories of the day she asked Piper to be hers. She crawls on top of the sheet and nuzzles the sleeping blonde. She strokes the blonde's neck, her hand traces between her breasts, she caresses each one gently. She's still asleep but she moans in unconscious pleasure, unaware of the noises she's making. Alex begins working at her neck, when she sucks a little too roughly.

Piper grunts and pushes her away. "Are you serious?," she asks irritated at being woken up. The brunette lies on her back, her hands raise over her head, she shoots her a lustful stare.

Piper shakes her head, no, as if she had a chance. She's tired and now she's been woken up from a very comfortable sleep.

The brunette frowns for a moment, the mood having been killed, when the blonde bends near her,

"can you unzip my dress?," she asks.

Alex raises her eyebrow, at the renewed possibility that bumping uglies isn't completely off the table. She taps the blonde on her behind,

"not happening," she growls, as she walks over to their suitcase and pulls out her pajamas, goes into the bathroom and gets ready for bed.

The brunette sighs, while she hears the faucet turn on as the blonde begins her ten minute bedtime routine.

She grabs the remote and settles on a channel. She laughs at Denise Richards' sad attempt to drown Neve Campbell in the pool. But then she gets quiet. She bends her knees to adjust her dress, her hand slips between her folds when Denise Richards starts sucking on the dark painted fingernail of the other woman. The room is quiet other than the instrumental background music and the sound of the sloshing pool water. Piper's head comes around the bathroom door and sees her wife mid-rub,

"you're kidding me right?"

She's unsure if she's asking about her actions, or judging her for knocking one off to the current images, "you were invited," she says at a relaxed drawl.

Piper walks over and sits on the edge of the bed, she watches the wicked smile crawl across the brunette's face, while she watches the two women go at it. Piper slips her hand in and takes over.

"Always so jealous," Alex teases her.

"Shut up."

She chuckles as Piper leans on top of her, to get a better angle. Before the blonde gets comfortable, she flips her over, taking the dominant, top position. Piper continues to work her fingers, as Alex starts ravenously, moving the blonde's night shirt up, exposing her breasts. Her hands massage the flesh of the blonde's torso with both of her hands, leaning in some to wrap her arms around her back, the blonde likes the security of being held in her arms. She holds her tight, she pins the blonde's working hand, between the both of them, she moves her hips, causing friction for a few moments. Piper slips a strap of the brunette's dress off her shoulder, until her breast is uncovered.

"Come here," the blonde pants. Alex leans forward, as commanded, she feels Piper take her nipple into her mouth.

"Spread your legs," she whispers to the blonde.

The blonde moans at the words and she complies. Alex presses her knee against the blonde's wetness, as she continues to have her hands pinned beneath the blonde's back. Piper's other hand drags up the brunette's thigh, her ass is bare, she thinks, until she feels the lace from her thong. Her hand starts working faster. The brunette's knee follows suit.

Nicky and Francesca walk by their door, they can vaguely hear them screwing. Nicky wants to stop, but Francesca pulls her along and says "it's probably the TV."

In their room, they hit the light. It flickers on, but flickers right back off. Nicky takes a lightbulb from one of the side tables and replaces the blown bulb, but it doesn't go on. "It's probably the wire, I can fix it."

"We'll just call the service desk in the morning," Francesca says flopping on the bed, about to remove her shoes.

"It'll take me five minutes, I just need a pair of pliers."

She leaves the room and starts down the hall, unable to get past her friends' door, she stops outside their door, and chuckles, their bed is creaking, the moans are coming from no one else other than Piper.

She runs back down the hall like a teenager, "you gotta listen to this c'mon," she pulls a reluctant Francesca by the hand.

Francesca grabs the ice bucket, "I'd just like to say, that I was getting ice," she verbalizes as an excuse for later when Nicky says she wanted to listen too.

Nicky runs down the hall and presses her ear toward the door once again.

Francesca stand about a foot away, "this is sick! They're your friends." She lowers her voice to a whispers, "they're my students' parents!"

"They're your friends too," she says with a playful shove. Nicky's mouth is dropped in pure amusement. "Sleeping my ass!"

They exchange glances and try not to laugh out loud at the continued moans.

"I swear she was!," Francesca says through whispered laughs.

"Gotta give it to Vause."

"Alright enough," she says getting self-conscious. She pulls Nicky away from the door and heads to the elevator. She presses the down button.

Nicky looks at her confused, "where are we going?"

"To get the pliers?"

"Oh right."

"You're disgusting," Francesca says getting on the elevator. "Think the place downstairs has champagne?," she asks, now mildly turned on.

"I thought I was disgusting?," Nicky asks with a smirk, knowing the sounds of other people getting it on heightens her arousal.

"Night's still young."

* * *

Mrs. Chapman stands in the doorway of Piper and Alex's apartment, "Mom," Piper looks at her mother, not expecting her arrival.

"Hi darling."

"What are you _doing_ here?," her thumb swirls the diamond around her ring finger so that it faces the inside of her palm.

"I was in the city doing some shopping, and I thought I'd stop by."

Piper looks at her mothers empty hands, "looks like you went all out."

"You look good," she takes Piper's left hand into her own and brings it up. She pulls her hand over looking at the ring and fixes it appropriately, "so, she asked you."

Pipers heart beats quickly. She nods.

"It's quite beautiful dear, don't hide it."

A little bit put off by her mother's reaction she asks her mother once again, "what are you doing here?"

"Alex invited me."

"Right," she says skeptically.

"Not today in particular, in general."

"Oh yeah?"

"Is she...home?"

"She should be home soon," she says with hesitation. Piper steps back so that her mother can come in. She closes the door.

"I like what you've done with this space," she says clasping her hands against her body uncomfortably.

"It's small, I know, you can say it . We're thinking about getting a bigger place." She shrugs her shoulders, "this is what we could afford at the time. But we're both doing pretty well right now."

She awkwardly shows her mother around their apartment, picking up little messes here and there, trying to avoid any criticism.

"Well it looks like you girls are doing just fine." She rubs a hand over a photo of Cal and Piper, "I assume you've spoken to Cal?"

She instantly smiles, "yeah, he drove down with Neri, in their hoopdie, the same day," she laughs.

"And Polly?"

"Well I see her just about everyday," she says with slight defense.

"Why didn't you call to tell me?," she asks appearing somewhat hurt.

"I," she hesitates, "didn't exactly think you'd be thrilled."

Her mother's face is indifferent.

"Are you saying you are?"

"Let's not go that far," she says with an oddly cheerful tone.

They continue to walk along the space that she and Alex have decorated over the last year. Her mother finally asks...

"are you happy?"

She wants to scream "yes I'm happy, happier than I've ever been in my entire life. I finally have what I want. I can be who I am." She chokes out a mild, "yes."

"Then I'm happy for you," she admits. "I thought maybe we could go to lunch? I've always like that little place in Bloomingdale's. I'll treat."

Piper looks less than convinced. Her mother continues, "maybe I could get to know your fiancé, a little better."

This isn't right. She doesn't seem surprised at all. "You knew she was going to ask me, didn't you?"

"She spoke to your father and I."

"She called you?"

She shakes her head, no, "she came to the house."

"Alex came to the house?"

"A few weeks ago."

"Alex?," she asks again unbelievably. She picks up her picture and points to her fiancé's face.

Her mother looks at her curiously, and takes the photo, "yes. How many women," she stops herself.

"What did she say to you?"

"She hasn't spoken to you about this?"

"Do I seem as though she has?"

Her mother looks at the photo in her hands, she takes a deep breath and exhales, "I can understand what the appeal is."

Piper scoffs, "oh really?"

"Piper," she starts, but stops as she can't think of the words she want to use to describe Alex. "It's clear that she loves you very much."

"She does, and I love her too,very much. I love her, and she's done things, that have made me more mad, than I've ever been in my entire life, but I still want her despite that."

She takes her daughter's hand again, "then it looks like you made the right choice."

* * *

A/N: ""I used to think getting married meant that my life would be predictable, that I'd have to give up my freedom. And maybe after everything we've been through a little predictability wouldn't be the worse thing in the world."" You can imagine how ecstatic I was during season 4 when Alex and Piper were sitting on Piper's bunk and Alex says she's ready for things to be easy and Piper convinces her that they can eat soup and hold hands on the way to the ass doctor. It just felt like my proposal was even more possible lol.


	50. Chapter 50

50

"Oh look, its my savior, my knight and shining armor," Alex says dully, once she feels Piper staring at her.

"Can I come in?," she asks standing along the edge of Alex's cinder block cubicle.

"Please," she continues with the sarcasm, as she pushes her glasses up onto her head, "enter my palace, that I've been so graciously gifted with, _again_ , thanks to you." She moves from the center of her sorry excuse for a mattress to make room for Piper to sit down.

The blonde exhales as she sits, "I know you probably don't want to hear it..."

"You're sitting here, because I'm willing to listen to you. Why? I dont know," she wiggles her crossed feet underneath her thighs, her toes curl as Piper sits straight on her bed. She pushes Piper's shoulders down, forcing her posture to slump. "Don't beat around the bush, say what you need to say."

Piper nods and looks straight ahead while talking, "...while you were gone, I got furlough."

She looks at her shocked, "you got out of here?"

Piper looks at her when she hears the shock in her voice, "yeah for like 48 hours." Alex's mouth opens to speak, but Piper continues quickly, "my grandma died," she says sadly with averted eyes.

Alex's mouth shuts closed, "I'm sorry Pipes. Bill's mom?"

"Yeah," she nods in confirmation.

"I'm sorry kid," she says genuinely, "I know she really helped you through some rough times."

"Yeah," she says in reflection. "Alex, while I was out there, I realized..."

Alex cuts her off, as she realizes the missed opportunity, "you were out, and you didn't try to see me afterwards? You knew where I lived."

"I was still mad at you."

"I wrote you like 10 letters, and you couldn't be bothered to answer one," she says matter-of-factly.

"I'm trying to talk to you now."

Alex huffs, annoyed that she continues to give Piper the time of day when she knows she can crack her heart wide open in an instant. "Okay then?," she says, willing her to get on with it.

"Alex I realized, when I was all dressed up, standing in my parents house, talking to my father," she breathes, "Alex they're never going to see me for who I actually am. And it's taken me...fucking forever, to figure that out. There are parts of me, that... I don't know..."

She nods willing her on.

"...I want some of those things they want for me, the things everyone seems to want."

"The house, the kids?"

"Sometimes, yeah. But I don't want it to be an expectation. I don't want to feel shamed for not following what was set out for me. I want to be whoever I feel like being," she looks over at her, "and just want someone who loves me for that. I'm done fighting myself."

"Pipes, I..," she pauses, because it's too easy. Why should she get to hear a love confession, when she wants to, on demand, just like that? But her words are all right. It's what she's been waiting to hear, but she doesn't want to let her guard down, when she knows that Piper is a swinging pendulum.

She glares at the blonde, frustrated by the way she always makes her feel. But she releases, ready to speak, letting her gaze soften slightly, because her feelings, while they are many things, they are no secret. She's tired of walking past Piper, purposely avoiding any conversation of this magnitude after being resentenced for violating parole.

"... I love you...for who you are, and unfortunately, I fucking always will," she laughs at the injustice.

The unfortunately, forms a knot in Piper's stomach.

"I would let you in again, but..."

But.

"I...cant...do this. Even the possibility of losing you...I honestly don't know if I could take it."

"I'm not gonna leave you."

"You're speaking as if we're together. We're not," she says this to be clear. "Don't be presumptuous, it's unappealing."

Piper corrects herself, after being smacked with a dose of reality, "I wouldn't leave you."

"Again? You wouldn't leave me _again_ , you mean, right? Because twice now, you've turned your back on me, and I'm not saying it was easy for you but you have no idea what it does to me. To see your back," she stops, "to look at you while you tell me in the same breath that you love me, that you're choosing to be with someone else."

"Alex I...," she reaches for her hand gently.

The touch causes the brunette to sharply inhale. She wants to let Piper continue, to feel her fingers intertwine with hers, but she quickly snaps her hand back, "no! You don't get to do this."

Piper retracts her hand.

"You deserve what you want out of life, but so do I. Sort of? And I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me the same way. Because I'll always feel it, that you could've done better."

Piper shakes her head, wishing Alex would look at her, "I do want to be with you, with the same intensity that you want to me with me. I do, please believe me. I'm sure."

"You're sure right now," she emphasizes the depth of Piper's love. Her gaze fiercely pierces the blonde.

"No, Alex I've thought about this tirelessly, and hoped for the possibility that you'd at least be willing to talk about it."

"I can't promise you everything you want. Fuck, you don't even know what you want half the time, and while I'm okay with that, in the same way that you don't want things to be expectations for you, I don't want any either." She thinks back to the last time Piper asked her about their end game. "Nothing would've been completely off the table. If I saw that you really wanted something, I would've at least listened, because it would mean that we could still be together. But you couldn't give me the same opportunity, to see if maybe I'd want some of those same things."

"Because you always made it seem like a marriage and homeownership, represented a settlement of life. Like some stability meant complacency, like you'd be missing out on something better."

"I...," she scoffs with an exhale.

Piper snaps, "well isn't that how you regard it? Like this colorful world of opportunity gets blanketed with a heavy grey cloud, that sucks all of the luster into its darkened vortex."

"It's a big deal Piper, and it takes a lot of things off the table. It alters your life forever."

"Yeah I know, its a fucking marriage Alex, an honorable commitment of your love for someone. New possibilities can arise with that kind of commitment, have you ever thought about that? The things you'd gain? I'm not saying I want to be married, but it would be nice to know, that it's floating through the back of your head, as a possibility."

"We're not even together!," she hisses with frustration. Minutes ago, they began talking, truly for the first time in weeks, and the discussion of marriage was already on the table.

"Fine!," she says scooting toward the edge of Alex's bed. She places her hands at the edge and pushes herself upright, "as usual it was wonderful chatting with you. You know where my cube is."

"Could you not fucking run away? For once in your life, just _stay_."

Piper clutches onto the edge of her cubicle, wanting to leave, having just been reminded that in this moment, her and Alex are nothing anymore.

Alex reaches her hand out. Piper looks up at the unexpected gesture, she walks closer and takes Alex's outstretched hand. The brunette pulls her down some so she'll sit down again.

"I don't know why I'm doing this," she whispers, upset that her gate always seems to rise just high enough so that the blonde can crawl under and come back into her space. Piper looks at her warily. "It's gonna take some time," she starts, "for me to trust you, for you to trust me again."

"I know, I have a lot of work to do on my own. You'll see, I'm just really starting to see."

"Yeah?"

She nods, "and you can call me out when I'm regressing, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Perhaps, if I can find the time to be bothered, I'm kind of busy."

"I want another chance, a real chance, now that things are clearer."

She inhales through her nose and slowly, but loudly exhales, "you don't get to just bail if things get shitty, or something shinier comes along, do you hear me?"

Piper's eyes glisten, she doesn't nod in agreement or shake her head in opposition. She just sits and stays.

"I don't know why things always have to be so fucked up between us," she says toward a silent Piper. "I'll try to get over some of my preconceptions, but you have to hear me out too, or this is never going to work. It's going to continue swirling around this endless tunnel of bullshit and I don't have the energy anymore."

Piper nods and leans her head into Alex's shoulder, she feels her arm rest along the back of her neck and across her shoulder. The brunette lifts up to see if any of the C.O.'s are paying attention before slinking down along the hard bed frame, taking Piper with her.

* * *

"This is your day too, how do you see it happening?," she doodles on her notepad, waiting for Alex to respond.

"I dunno, nothing too over the top?," she says with a little hesitation in case Piper wanted a banquet style hooplah.

"I don't want a big sit down dinner," she confirms, "it should be casual. Buffet style? Let people choose what they want."

"Yeah? I'd like that. Open bar though?"

"Yeah of course," she laughs and writes that down.

Alex sits up straight and bites her lip.

"What?," Piper asks at the sudden change in body language.

"I have an idea...," she says and gets up quickly, she pulls Piper along.

"Where are we going?"

"Just hear me out," she says. They get in their car and drive until Alex parks the car along the sidewalk outside the bar where they met. She points, through the windshield, "what do you think?"

"We're gonna get married in a bar?," she says unrealistically. "I'm all about the low-key, but isn't this kind of pushing it?"

"They have a yard, c'mon," she says reaching out for the car door handle. She gets out and slams the door of her car before Piper has a chance to undo her seatbelt.

She's already asking the bartender to speak to a manager when Piper gets inside. They're told no one's been married there before, but there's a first time for everything. They walk out into the yard that's lightly covered in snow, as the manager drags a table toward the furthest end and asks them to help bring out a few chairs to estimate how many they could fit there if needed.

"Can we just have a minute?," Piper asks, excusing themselves to talk privately. "Al...," Piper breathes and continues to look at her skeptically.

"Piper we could...look," she stands behind Piper and rests a hand on her shoulder as she points to a corner of the garden. "From that pole to that piece of fence, we could string lights. We can get married once the sun starts to go down, and it could be all magical and shit. Or we could add a fuck load of flowers or whatever else you'd want to make it look like less of a bar."

Piper smiles at her enthusiasm, "look at you, all excited."

She comes down slightly from her high, slightly embarrassed, "it's just symbolic."

"You're so cute."

"Yeah yeah."

"You really think we could pull it off here?"

"Yeah, c'mon." They grab a seat inside, and make a quick guest list, managing to keep it minimal, down to the people who they really wanted present. They look over the names of about 50 people or so, step back into the yard and agree that they'd fit.

"Don't you think it's going to be awkward? Here with our friends... my parents?," she nervously laughs.

"Just slightly, but the people who say yes, should expect the unconventional right?"

She cuddles into her. "We're really doing this," she says, as the reality sets in deeper.

A rush of nervous energy runs through the brunette at the prospect. She pulls Piper close and nibbles into her neck, causing the blonde to moan out.

"Shh," she laughs and looks back toward the open door of the bar.

"Well I can't control it when you do that!"

"You're so loud!"

* * *

They're seated at the hotel's brunch table the following morning. Nicky pours Francesca a cup of coffee from the carafe when Alex and Piper waltz in, fresh and happy.

Nicky shoots Alex a look and shakes her head with a laugh.

"What?,"the brunette asks.

"Not-a-thing ," she responds to Alex. "Sleep well?," she asks Piper.

"Yeah, the bed was really comfortable."

"Had good give?," Nicky asks with a serious tone as she butters a piece of toast.

Piper raises a brow while she pours herself a cup of coffee. Alex realizes Nicky heard them overnight and does what she can, to delay the ridicule of noisy sex.

The waiter takes their order and walks away.

"So, d'you guys have a good night?," the brunette asks.

"Yeah," Nicky says putting down her knife, "our night was just fine."

"Is that all? No, riveting conversations?"

Nicky tenses some, but relaxes when Alex stops talking.

Francesca starts humming the theme music from the pool scene of "Wild Things," while Nicky starts moaning.

Piper's face turns a few shades in the direction of crimson and shoves Alex with her foot under the table.

Francesca says to Piper, "I thought you were sleeping? Faker."

"I was!," she says defensively, "Oh my God."

Francesca sports a huge smile, "it's not a big deal, we barely heard you."

"Yeah it wasn't like we listened at the door or anything," Nicky adds.

"Jesus," Alex laughs, "she," she says pointing to Nicky but looks at Francesca, "is turning you into a Neanderthal."

"Hey, it didn't take much convincing for her to listen too."

Francesca knew she'd throw her under the bus, "I was getting ice!"

"Yeah, to cool herself off from the fires of passion that seeped beneath the door."

"Ok enough, yes, we had sex," Piper whispers, "and yes I am loud, apparently. Can we please just have a normal breakfast conversation?"

Nicky takes a huge bite of her buttered toast, "yeah... sure... like what?"

"Like what you two did last night? Or didn't do? Or talk about?"

Nicky stops mid chew and moves the wad of bread to her cheek, with widened eyes.

Piper continues, "I mean are we really going to sit here and talk around the subject? Honestly," she scoffs, "you're around a wedding, you're naturally going to think about it, as a topic to bring to the table."

"This is not the same," Nicky says through gritted teeth, telling Piper to back off.

"But isn't it? If you two feel comfortable enough to mock my moans, then I should feel comfortable enough to ask what you two plan on doing for the rest of your lives."

"Pipes," Alex says with warn.

"No, lets go... stop being a chicken shit. You both want to live together, but are too scared at the possibility of it ruining what you have, meanwhile you're missing out on all of the benefits."

"Playing house isn't for everyone," Nicky barks.

Alex raises a hand, and looks around absurdedly as no one has come over to ask if she needs alcohol. "Can I have some Baileys?," she says to anyone who works for this outdoor café. She pours a nip into her coffee and takes a sip. Her eyes glance up to the heavens, thanks ma, she says internally for teaching her ways to make a boozed breakfast acceptable.

"Playing house," Piper points at Alex but keeps her eyes on Nicky, "you're preaching to the choir."

Francesca gets up and walks away, and Piper suddenly feels terrible, never having upset Francesca before, and for pressing the issue in this setting.

"Thank you," Nicky says pissed at Piper and gets up to go follow Francesca.

Nicky briskly walks after her girlfriend, "I'm sorry, I tease her about this stuff all the time, I didn't know she'd jump on the defense, and lay all our shit out."

She shakes her head, "it's fine."

"No it's not fine, it's not her place to tell us what we should be doing. If we were ready to move in together, we would've by now."

She shrugs her shoulder and shakes her head, wishing she'd had the nerve to do this before someone called her on it. "I have a key... that I had made for you," she tells Nicky.

"You do?"

She nods quickly, with a small smile, "I wanted to give it to you, like...," she thinks for a moment, "a year ago," she exhales.

The strawberry blonde, raises her hand to her mouth and bites her nails.

"I've had it in my wallet, never knowing what day would be a good day to ask."

"So why didn't you?"

"I was afraid you'd say no. That I'd scare you off."

"It is a little terrifying."

"I know it is."

"I've always lived on my own."

"I know that, but you know how I am? I'd give you your space."

She nods, "and I'm really sloppy."

"I know that too," she laughs. "You think I don't see the clutter shoved behind your door, or that I haven't gone into the hall closet and wondered if it was a portal to the Bermuda Triangle?"

Nicky laughs out loud.

Piper exhales from their table, relieved by the sound of Nicky's laugh. "It's a lot of togetherness," Nicky tells her.

"It's a big deal," Francesca confesses.

"It is a big deal!," Nicky agrees with lit up eyes.

* * *

The night before their wedding, Alex zips her duffel bag closed, and throws the loop over her head.

"I don't understand why we need to be separated," Piper whines from their bed. "Why can't we sleep in the same room, when nothing else about this wedding is traditional?"

"Because it's bad luck," Alex says before she kisses her long and hard.

"Okay ew, save it for tomorrow," Polly says pushing them apart.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Alex says to her smiling as she steps toward their bedroom door. She turns around, "you better show up," she says pointing at Piper which causes her to force a smile.

"I'll think about it," she says toward the brunette's back as she walks out of their bedroom and heads to Nicky's for her last night as an unmarried woman.

She unzips the garment bag that's hung over Nicky's door for weeks now, and takes it in one more time, laying out all of her accessories alongside it.

Nicky nods as she has for the upteenth time, assuring the brunette, that everything works well together, "you've got everything? Where are your vows?"

She pulls out the envelope with her folded papers and raises it over her head before putting it back in the bag, "you have a copy too though, right?"

"Yep."

"Okay something old," she says pushing her hands into her mother's red pumps, "something new," she points a shoe toward her dress, "something borrowed," she stands up and points toward the netted veil that's hanging over the door hook, "and...shit, I forgot my something blue," she takes the shoes off her hands. "What am I gonna do?," she says, her voice is panicked.

"Yo, chill. What was your something blue?"

"I had blue underwear."

"Of course you did."

"Nicky! What the fuck am I gonna do?"

"Alright let's go get them. Breathe."

"No, it's too late, ugh."

"Alright look, let's just go out and get you some new ones. New and blue. Extra luck, okay?"

"Okay," she agrees and they head to the lingerie store.

After scanning around the store, she narrows it down to two pairs of blue panties, "which one says 'come at your sexy wife?'"

"You know this is really awkward, picking out your wedding night sex clothes. Just get one, so we can get outta here."

"Don't act like you haven't eavesdropped at our door trying to hear the slapping skin okay?"

"You know, I'm offended by such an accusation."

Alex looks at her seriously to choose.

"Ugh those," she says pointing to the ones with barely any material.

She exhales and nervously looks over the underwear again, "I can't believe I almost messed that up."

"Vause, you gotta calm down."

"It's a big deal Nicky!"

"I know it is, but it's a great kind of big deal."

"But its a great kind of big deal," Nicky completes, letting it settle, that the nervous butterflies are only there because she cares so much about this woman.

Francesca smirks. "So we're doing this? You want to move in with me?" Nicky nods, allowing the wide smile to to take over her face, "yeah."

She's guided through the bar toward the back of the garden, when Nicky tells her Piper just arrived.

She peaks through the door that leads out to the garden to view the set up and their guests. The energy is thick in the air, and while the butterflies won't seem to settle, the promise she's about to make, is something she's never been more sure of.

The bar manager, pulls their makeshift byobu across the center of the bar to keep the ladies separated.

She talks through the screen, "Pipes?"

"Yeah?," she chokes out with relief at Alex's voice.

"You okay?," she says releasing the anxiety that was pent up. It had felt like the longest day, a day full of the biggest nerves and not being able to lean on Piper for support.

"Yeah, my ass is sweating."

"Piper...," Alex hears Mrs. Chapman drone with a tsk. "Sorry, but it is."

The brunette smiles widely, "I'll see you in a minute, okay?"

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you too."

Polly steps around the folding screen and comes onto Alex's side with Finn, Piper hears her gasp.

"What?," Piper asks through the screen.

"Nothing," Polly says gently, as she hugs Alex. She takes Finn by the hand and slowly walks with him to the front of their processional line.

The music starts to play, she squeezes Nicky's hand as she watches Polly reach the end of the aisle. She steps to the side of the altar with Finn, who holds onto a stick with their rings attached.

As Nicky, pokes her elbow out for Alex to grab onto, she comes up on her toes to adjust her veil a quarter of an inch. "Ready?," she asks as she stands with the brunette in the doorway of the bar.

"As I'll ever be," she says as their guest's stand up. They proceed up the aisle and stop halfway.

"You're not gonna fall over right?," Nicky asks letting her arm go cautiously.

"No," she kisses her cheek, "thanks."

Nicky proceeds down the rest of the aisle and stands opposite Polly on the other side of the officiant.

Midway down the aisle, Alex turns around and waits for Piper. Time pauses as Piper steps up to the base of the aisle. Her arms are linked through each one of her parents', she clutches her bouquet of wild flowers close to her dress. Her smile widens taking in the brunette who's waiting for her in the center of their aisle. Her dark hair is curled and pinned in an updo, the birdcage veil that covers her face, is held in place by a retro flowery hair piece. Sheer fabric covers the length of her arms, her tattoos are still visible but discreet for the occasion. Her dress flares out slightly at her waist, and stops at the length, just below her knee.

Alex shuts her eyes for a moment, wanting to keep this memory in her mind forever. As Piper's parents begin to walk her down the aisle, Alex takes in the blonde, and feels the calm wash over her. Her veil is pinned between her half-up hairstyle, the lace surrounds her shoulders and lays over the bodice of the sleeveless sweetheart neckline of her simply stated vintage dress. Her earrings have a touch of blue, she can't help but notice how they bring out the blue in her fiancé's eyes.

At the center of the aisle, both women's smiles are stretched ear to ear.

"You look so pretty," Piper tells her immediately, not able to believe this is happening.

As her father let's her go, he motions her arm toward Alex, "take care of her."

She nods, and whispers "I will."

They proceed up together slowly, Piper looks down as she walks, "are you wearing red shoes?," she asks her surprised.

She chuckles, "yeah."

"You're supposed to wear blue. I thought you of all people would know about that one. It's good luck."

"Who says I'm not?," she whispers.

"Where is it?," she whispers back.

"You'll find it later," she growls.

Piper laughs out as they reach the altar.

After the guests are seated and the welcome convocation is through, Cal comes up to do a reading of "The Art of Marriage" by Wilferd A. Peterson.

Nicky hands a tall glass of colored paint toward Piper and then one towards Alex. They carefully walk behind an easel with a blank canvas, as Polly gets behind them to make sure no parts of their dresses are in the line of potential paint splatter.

As each woman pours her paint over the canvas the officiant reads, "as these two vessels of paint are poured over this central canvas, the individual colors will no longer exist, but will be joined together as one."

As they step away from the art piece that represents their union, Polly moves it away while mumbling, "paint while wearing white dresses!," and moans that theyre going to cause her to stroke out.

The officiant continues with their expression of intent and asks them to exchange their vows.

"... and right through that door," she points back, "I teased you, like a little kid on the playground, but I knew from the second I saw you, that you were special. I thought I had you figured out, but you threw me for a whirlwind. You redefined what adventure meant for me, and you continue to keep me on my toes. You have changed my life in so many ways, and I know you'll continue to, which is more than enough adventure for me. With you, I have an equal partner, a best friend to go through the ups and downs that life still has in store. I vow to be next to you while we share the greatest joys that our future has to offer and I vow to be beside you when you struggle, have doubt and need me the most. To me, marrying you is an irreversible life long commitment. I promise to love you, honor you, listen to you, and build my life with you."

"Alex, when you asked me to be your wife, I didn't think it was possible to feel more commited to you, than I already did. Something changed between us that day, and the heightened sense of commitment that I felt towards you that day, has once again overcome me today. We've spent more time apart than we ever want to again, but I know we both agree that those times have strengthened our relationship and have given us what we need to get through times ahead that may challenge us. With you, I can be me, and I couldn't ask for a greater gift. That kind of love... no human ties are more tender, no other vow, than to love each other for who we are, is more sacred, and I'm so grateful and excited to have that forever with you."

The officiant asks for the rings, and with Polly's help, Finn hands them to Piper and Alex.

"These rings are an ancient symbol, blessed and simple... round like the sun... like the eye... like arms that embrace... and like a circle's perfect figure, may these symbols remind you... that your love, like the sun...illuminates...that your love...like the eye...must see clearly...that your love... like arms that embrace... is a grace upon the world and that your love like a circle is without beginning, without end, with no area of weakness."

They slip their wedding rings over each others fingers, and make their promise.

"Alex and Piper, I ask that you please hold each others hands, look down and take them in, for these are the hands of your best friend, strong and vibrant with love, that are holding your hands on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other all the days of your life. These are the hands that will work along side yours, as together you build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams. These are the hands that will countless times, wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow and tears of joy. These are the hands that will comfort you in time of challenge or doubt and hold you when you are sad. These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times. And these are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness. Hold onto each other tightly."

The squeeze each others hands firmly. Their fingers brush over the new symbols, adorned over their fourth fingers.

"Because Alex and Piper, you have showered our hearts with expressions of your love, and promised each other the joy of all your days, in the presence of your loved ones, it gives me great honor and pleasure to now pronounce married. You may kiss your bride."

* * *

Piper's head is in her hands, the distress of what she's said has taken its toll as Nicky and Francesca are only now finally returning to their table. She profusely apologizes, though Nicky and Francesca don't seem to be listening to her at all. Nicky sits in her chair, one leg bent under the other, as Francesca is crouched down by her purse that hangs on the back of her chair. She unzips the coin pocket of her wallet and holds the key in her hand and looks at Nicky who's looking down at her. She sits down at the table and slides it next to Nicky.

"Thanks," she says and puts it in her pocket, like its no big deal. "What just happened?," Piper asks them confused.

"Just got the key to my new place."


	51. Chapter 51

Guest- I'm sad too as it's been fun to repost. Like that book you liked has finally been returned to the library and it's your turn.

Guest- thanks for pointing out the stuff you like. It's always good to hear

turchina84-I'm leaving it up for a bit, not sure how long but I'll guve a heads up when I'm gonna take it down. I really liked how (mostly) season 1 would go from past to present with their segways. I tried to do the same.

17Vauseman17- I know I have 0 self control w all things Orange. I've taken the day off of work every year to watch it at 3am and usually rewatch twice the same weekend so it's all absorbed.

Sandfromoz- I'm sentimental (you don't say?!) the bar seemed low key and possible w a low budget. The real place doesn't have a yard but one can dream, right? Lol.

* * *

51

The crinkling of the bags, ceases as they set the numerous amounts of wedding paraphernalia on the floor in their apartment. The floor boards creak as Piper jumps up and down, before throwing her arms around Alex's neck, "you married me!"

Alex laughs a relieved breath, "I did." She bends down to look through the bags and pulls out the top tier of their wedding cake. "Go put this in the freezer before you crush it."

"Mmmkay," Piper takes it and plants a kiss on her cheek, "whatever you say, my beautiful wife."

Alex rolls her eyes, despite the hanger-in-mouth smile. She takes their wedding dresses and hangs them up over the closet door of their bedroom, Piper follows in shortly after with the majority of their bags.

The blonde falls onto her back on top of their bed, her hair is still beautifully styled from the wedding, "I still say we should've sprung for a hotel room."

"We're kind of broke? Unless you know of some other secret funds?" She pulls their painting out from the bag, and leans it up against the side lamp.

"No," Piper says at her disproval of where the painting's displayed, "and no I don't know of any secret funds. But I bet we made a nice nest egg. We got a zillion envelopes," she says smiling and lifting her head up to look around at the bags, "somewhere in there."

"I'd rather save the money from a hotel room and add it to that," she gestures toward the bags, "for a bigger nest egg." She holds up the painting against a wall. "Yes?"

Piper nods and lays her head back down, "bigger nest egg for what?"

"What?"

"You said save it for a bigger nest egg. For what?"

She clutches the painting to her chest. "I don't know, nicer furniture? A down payment on an apartment to own?"

"Is that all?," she frowns.

"Don't start with me, even jokingly," she says setting the painting down on their bureau. "I _just_ married you, " playing this card for all it's worth. She begins pulling the pins from her hair.

"I know! I can't believe it," she chuckles.

"I was totally tricked into it," she says setting the multitude of pins on her nightstand.

Piper puckers her lips and blows Alex a kiss. She leans onto her elbows, over Piper, and looks into her eyes, "hi wifey."

Piper smiles widely, "hi." She bites her lip, trying to hold back her excitement. She pulls Alex down to lay beside her. Propped on an elbow, Alex traces her face, and sighs happily. She runs her hand back and forth over the length of Piper's arm while giving her a look of adoration.

"What?," Piper asks.

"Can't believe we did it," she lifts her head, to look at Piper properly. "I married you." Her head collapses onto the mattress in awe. "Like you said 'yes,'" she laughs.

Quickly a wide smile spreads across Piper's lips, "I did." She turns to her side, mirroring Alex, and kisses her. The kiss becomes more passionate, moans elicit, hands start to wander.

"I never want to sleep apart again," Piper interrupts, "last night was horrible," she says with a pout.

Alex runs her pointer over Piper's bottom lip, "sorry wifey," she says teasingly.

"It's okay, you get one free pass," she runs her hand along the brunette's torso, dipping below the waist of her sweatpants. She hooks her finger underneath the edge of her underwear and pulls it slightly up over her hip... "I found your something blue."

She nods, she looks into Piper's eyes, "I spy something blue myself." Piper looks around herself and looks confused.

Alex quickly stops her head from roaming, "your eyes." Her breath catches, "Piper you look so beautiful today, more beautiful than I've ever seen you... and that's saying a lot."

"Al...," she says toying with the fabric of her wife's panties, she tilts her head and the look of sentimentality she's receiving. "You're gonna make me blush."

"I hope to make you blush for a lifetime."

Piper pulls her close again, kneading the flesh below the sweatpants. "You will," she bites her bottom lip, "try to..., every time you take me."

Alex's desire surges at the challenge, her lust filled peer causes Piper to plant her feet on the bed and push back. Alex hooks her thumbs into the elastic of her own sweatpants and wiggles them lower and lower until she's able to kick them off.

Piper's heat starts to build as she comes closer, at a panther-like crawl, she hovers over the blonde. Piper's arms wrap around her back and pull her in closer. Dark hair hangs loosely around their faces, Piper catches a glimpse of the painting through the brunette's hair. Alex begins to palm Piper's breast, firmly she kneads her flesh, causing Piper to draw in her breath. She deeply inhales the brunette's scent before removing Alex's glasses and sets them to the side. She looks deep into her eyes, "talk to me. "

The brunette squints.

"I want to know what you want."

What I want? She thinks. "You." All I want is you. With you, I have the world, I want for nothing else.

"You already have me," she whispers, stretching her arms across the bed, "I'm all yours. What do you want?," she asks her again.

The sexiness in the blonde's tone, builds her need, but she wants to make Piper elicit those sweet sounds she covets more than anything. She tongues her cheek at the sound of the blonde's desire, her breath hitches as Piper pushes her blue panties down the length of her thighs with her feet.

"Ask me my secrets and I will paint for you landscapes," she turns around and backs up, her center hovers over her wife. She bends her neck down and looks at the blonde, catching her peek, Piper smiles back at her.

The husk in her voice is thick, "in the early hours, before the world wakes, whispering. My tongue, my paintbrush," she breathes against Piper's center, "your thighs," she licks her inner thigh, "my canvas." She slowly paints the sensitive skin with long draws of her tongue. The blonde's skin glistens, her hips move ever so slightly at the heightened longing. She hears her wife exhale, "they will make you sigh, and you will struggle for breath." She feels Piper's hands wrap around her thighs and pull her lower, she moans at the contact, "as songs spill from your lips too, drenching me in stories of your own."

Their mouths are gentle, it's a love that's on a level, like no other they've ever known. The desire is strong, but their tongues move slowly, mapping out the perfection that meets their mouths.

This is forever, mine, and no one else's, she thinks, taking in the blonde fully, her taste, her smell, her sounds.

She knows this body well, immeasurable moments of intimacy flood through her mind. She relishes in the changes, since their first time. Their first time. She remembers her preoccupation with making her feel good and doing it quickly, convincing the blonde that a mouth can do many a splendid thing. She hears Piper pant, "faster," but she takes her time.

"Don't rush," she stops to whisper. "This is what I want."

"Alex," her voice is heavy with what she craves.

"I want to take my time falling in love with you, all over again."

Piper closes her lips around the brunette's most sensitive spot, as the flat of her wife's tongue strokes the length of her soaked core. They work each other slowly but steadily, barely stopping to get some air. She lets herself sink fully along Piper's mouth, knowing the grip she has on her thighs means she's close. She feels Piper's body rise up, she flicks across the spot that's only hers, making her wife choke out her name.

They lay still for a moment, coming down from the high.

"I love you," she hears Piper hear from behind her.

She feels the brunette's smile widen, into the flesh of her thigh, "I love you too."

Piper squeezes her bottom, her hands linger sweeping over the skin.

Alex squeezes her muscles involuntarily, making Piper laugh, "stop."

"Lemme get my ass out of your face," she softly giggles, "I know its not in the best shape." She leans up to turn around, when Piper pins her in place.

"It's perfect."

She lays against the moisture that coats the blonde's skin, "maybe we could do this sort of thing everyday, you know married couples workout."

* * *

Jamie comes home all sweaty from soccer, kicks off his shoes messily at the coat rack and almost trips over Alex's sneaker.

"Hey you wanna not destroy the house? You've been home five seconds."

"You don't even use these, why don't you just put them in the closet or something?"

"Because I wanna get into working out again."

"Wanting to, and actually doing it, are two different things."

"Thanks, I need the reminder that sitting on my ass isn't making it look all that great."

He grimaces, "it's not that bad. Just start off with something small," he says reaching up a hand to be helped up.

"I know that, but realistically, it's just really hard to make time or find the energy."

"But afterwards you feel better and sometimes you feel like you have more energy, instead of feeling like a slug."

"Would you...," she stops and brushes her hand as if erasing what she said.

"What?"

"Would you wanna help me? You know just to get started til I'm motivated enough to go on my own?"

"Yeah. Okay," he shrugs his shoulder, "but like what do you wanna do?"

"I don't know. I'm not a runner, I've tried that."

"Well you have to do some cardio with weight training and stuff to see fast results."

"Okay oh wise one, what do you suggest then?"

"I don't know. I'll come up with something. Are we starting tonight or what?"

"What? No. I need a night to let it settle in. Have my last doughnut and shit."

Over the next few weeks, after spending summer days with his friends, he comes home and drills his mom. She's found every excuse to avoid his workout, but he never relents.

"C'mon ma two more," he says putting a fist on the floor under her head to keep it off the ground.

"I'm gonna kill you," she hisses as she completes her last crunch and lays flat on the ground. "What happened to slowly easing into it?"

"It's been two weeks. When's the last time you worked out?"

"I don't know, last year?"

"Okay well it's gonna take a while for it to feel easier. But you're almost done, thirty seconds of jump rope, get up."

"I can't get up."

"Ma, get-up. You're doing really well...besides all the unscheduled breaks."

"People need water J!"

"That was a lot of water."

"This isn't like working out with your friends."

"Yeah I know we would've been done like 20 mins ago."

She goes to swat him overhead but misses and flips him off.

He grabs her finger, "mom wouldn't appreciate such gestures. I believe you asked me to help you."

"Well maybe I changed my mind," she half laughs, not able to find the energy to get off the floor.

"C'mon pain is weakness leaving the body."

"Is that from one of those stupid motivational posters they have hanging up in your gym? Propaganda."

"Oh my God, it's from the Marine Corps. Get up!," he yells at her like a drill sergeant.

She whines on the floor as he comes behind her to help her off the floor. -

* * *

Finn lays on the floor, after throwing a tantrum.

"Get up," Alex tells him curiously peering at the small child laying on his back in defiance.

"Help him up," Piper tells her, "he's cranky and tired, he's not just going to stand up."

She crouches down on the floor and pulls him upright. "C'mon kid."

He looks at her strangely, as if he didn't expect her gentle hand. He reaches his arms out to be carried.

"Uh," she lifts him up and holds him a foot away from her body. He stares at her and smiles. "You can't hold him like that," Piper laughs, as Finn dangles limply, in her girlfriend's hands.

" If he faces away from me, I get the back end and I don't know what can come out of that thing. If he's facing me, he might throw up but at least like this, I have a safe distance."

"Here," Piper helps situate him on Alex's hip, "how's that?"

"My arm is underneath his butt."

"He has a diaper," she says obviously.

"A diaper? Isn't he like three?"

"He's not even two," she laughs at her.

She sulks, "I'm not an idiot," she says, insulted for not being able to properly gage how old he is.

"I've never called you one."

"I'm never around kids," she looks at him, he seems to be okay with the way shes holding him, "I don't know when they're supposed to do stuff."

"Anytime I mention anything even remotely close to kids, the first thing you say is, you're never around them. Well now you are."

"Is that what this is? An initiation?" She shifts his weight off her hip to hand him to Piper.

"No," Piper steps back, "you hold him," she exhales dramatically.

Finn repeats the dramatic exhalation, Alex turns her head to look at him.

Piper laughs.

He laughs back.

She watches Finn eye her glasses, then her necklace; he holds her necklace, becoming more comfortable in her grip, he pays close attention to the stones.

"He likes stones," Piper explains, "any kind of rock really."

He pokes one of the green stones on her necklace, "ees a wok."

"What?," Alex asks, not understanding.

"Yes, it's a like a rock. It's called jade," Piper clarifies.

"Jade," he repeats.

"Yeah."

He looks at it curiously for a moment before refocusing on her eyes, "wassat?" She turns to Piper for translation.

"This?," she points to Alex's glasses.

"Uhn."

"Alex's glasses, so she can see."

"Ayix gyasses."

She scrunches her nose and smiles at her name, "yeah! that's my name." She bounces him once or twice, naturally but she stops, "is he gonna throw up if I shake him?"

"Maybe. If we fed him, he's probably starving."

"Well won't he say if he's hungry?"

"Sometimes. But sometimes not. He needs to eat every few hours, more like snacks throughout the day instead of full meals."

She nods her head, while adjusting him on her hip better.

"Go sit with him, I'll find something for him to eat."

She nods and relaxes with him in the living room. He pulls out the collection of books Polly packed for him, several are about dinosaurs, some are clearly for an older child, about rocks and minerals. She leafs through it for a moment, while he takes it upon himself to plop down in the gap between her legs. He stops her on a random page, on "metamorphic rocks. See because when it gets really hot, the rock changes. But these rocks are different," she points to the igneous kind, "these were made from molten lava!"

"Lavaaaaa!," he whispers.

She laughs out loud and Piper pokes her head out of the kitchen, she breathes easily at the site of her godson sitting in her girlfriend's lap.

He turns the page and looks over the images, there's several different types of rocks, igneous, sedimentary, metamorphic.

He points,"mamofic."

"Yeah metamorphic!" She's amazed at his ability to differentiate.

Piper comes out and sets a plate down with apples, peanut butter and honey. He blindly takes a piece of apple and swipes it through the dip.

"Pipes, he like understands the different types of rocks."

She nods, "he has this genuine fascination with them, you explained it to him?"

"Yeah but just once, but this book is like..." she stops as he places his hand coated with honey on her wrist, to adjust his position.

She gives Piper, an "are you kidding me?" look, and shoves her wrist in his face, "um hello, gross!"

He sees the blob of peanut butter and honey and tries to wipe it off with his sticky hand, but only makes it worse.

"Finn c'mon, dude, I'm all sticky," she whines.

He looks at her concerned, he sucks in his breath a little staggered. He looks like hes gonna cry.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Don't cry. Look," she licks the stickiness off her arm,"it's fine, all gone." She pulls him back so he can sit like he was before. She rests her chin on his head and tries to re-immerse him back into his book. She looks at Piper, sorry that she screwed up and almost made the kid cry.

Hours later, Polly comes to pick him up, "how was my boy?," her voice goes up an octave while he sits with Alex on the couch. His face lights up, and scrambles to get off the couch, Alex guards his descent with her hand.

"So how'd it go?," she asks Alex already knowing via text with Piper that it went pretty well.

"Well. He's so funny."

"Funny?"

"Yeah, the stuff he does, his faces. You know, he really likes rocks?"

"Yes, I know," Polly chuckles, as if this was an absurd statement.

"Like, rocks."

"I know, its weird."

"You know, there are these baskets of stones at the Museum of Natural History. I mean I'm sure they're fake and stuff, but he'd probably like them."

"He probably would, they're a little small though," Polly offers.

"Right," she shakes her head, annoyed with herself for not realizing it would be a choking hazard.

"But if you watched him, it should be fine. You should get them for him, he would really like those."

"Me?"

"Yeah, it would be a nice present. From you."

"Okay...," she says with hesitation.

A few weeks later, the bag of stones hangs from the doorknob of their hall closet for the next time they had Finn over.

"Don't give them all to him at the same time," Piper says as Alex looks through the bag.

"Why not?"

"Because he's gonna have a million and one questions to ask you about every one."

"That's okay, whatever I don't know I'll look it up."

"Alright suit yourself."

She took Piper's advice, and over the course of the year, whenever they hung out, Alex gave him several new stones. She sat with him patiently, reading over the contents of the little pamphlet that came with each stone, explaining every third word in detail. He sat snuggled into her, asking question after question, Piper never got tired of watching his face take in every word her wife had to say.

"He never stops talking," Alex would always recount once he was gone. She'd complain of her exhaustion, relieved, once he was gone, for the quiet. Piper didn't want to push the subject any further about having their own child, she wanted to give Alex the opportunity to come to her when she was ready, but as time pressed on, she wondered if Alex would ever get out of the "getting to give him back," phase.

Each time she thought her wife built immunity, to the less desirable features of a small child, she mumbled something like, "such a mess," as she cleaned up the aftermath.

But today, she has a softened look about her. She picks the crumbs of Goldfish out of the carpet, without complaint and brushes her hands over the trash.

Piper catches her taking a moment to look at a picture of her with Finn on a jungle gym when he was younger. She smirks some and rubs a hand gently over the frame.

"He loves you because you coddle him and you always go out of your way to answer his questions."

Alex immediately becomes defensive, denying that he's created a soft spot in her heart. But after Piper calls her on it, she thinks it over as they get ready for bed. She enters their bedroom, Piper is propped against their headboard, reading a book.

She tries to formulate words out of her nervous energy, not entirely ready for her confession, but she supposes, she never really will be. She thinks of Finn while she caresses Piper's skin, she smirks at the memory of his smell, "syrup and cheese."

"Heh?," Piper questions.

Alex laughed while tracing a finger on Piper's lower abdomen, just above her shorts. "Finn. He always smells like syrup and cheese."

Piper drew her knees up and Alex turns over to look at her. Here it goes. "I think I'm ready, well as ready as I can be. I want our own baby."

* * *

He tiptoe's into their room, clutching the SAT prep course permission slip in his hands. His mom's are cuddled tightly, their limbs are intertwined, his ma's arm rests over his mom's, she has her pulled in close. Eight out of ten times, he would bet his money, that he would find them just like this. He watches them for a second, feeling guilty for waking them up, as they both look sound asleep.

"Mom?," he gently rubs Piper's arm.

"Hmmm?," her eyes slowly flutter open.

"Can you sign this quick? I gotta go."

"What time...," she looks and sees it's still early, thankful for the remaining 20 mins before her alarm is due to go off. "What is this?," she asks not being able to make it out.

"Just a study thing."

"What study thing do you need permission for?"

"It's a prep course for the SAT."

"You want to take a prep course?," her eyebrow raises as she remembers herself, fighting tooth and nail not sit through the course.

"I just wanna do my best."

"You don't need a prep course," Alex grumbles into the back of Piper's neck.

"Yes I do. There are strategies on how to do better, or these classes wouldn't be in existence for all of these years."

"Many things have been in existence for years, that suck, so there goes that theory."

"I want to get into a good college, why wouldn't I wanna do whatever I can to make that happen?"

"What good college would that be?," Alex inquires with her eyes still closed. "I don't know, Stanford?," he says laughing, "UC Berkeley..."

She cuts him off, shooting up, "why are those both on the complete opposite side of the country?!"

"... NYU, Brown, Syracuse... I just listed those first."

She sits up all the way and puts her glasses on. "Are you really thinking about going to a school on the other side of the country?"

"I'd like to apply to whatever school matches what I'm looking for."

"Can we not get ahead of ourselves," Piper tries to mediate the tension, "these classes aren't free J."

"I know, I don't want the money. Just sign the slip."

"And who's paying for it then?," she asks.

"I can..."

"Yeah or who else? Who'd you get to give you the money? Aunt Nicky? Aunt Polly? Grandma?"

"Please just sign it. Most parents would be thrilled?"

"I just don't want you taking special training, you should go where you get accepted based on your hard work throughout your academic career not where a score on one test, dictates your acceptance," she reasons.

Alex pipes in, "no I don't even care about that, I just don't want you applying somewhere three thousand miles away. For what?"

"Why can't I go away if I get I to a school I really want over there?"

"Because the best schools in the country are within a 3 hour drive of here, and you should go to one of them."

"Why so you can come play beer pong with me on the weekends?"

"No, not so I can play beer pong, and if I did I'd kick your, and all of your smarty pants asshole friends' asses too." A look is shot at her from Piper to quit being so nasty. She sighs, "what if you need something, or get sick and you're all the way across the country?"

"I'm sure there are doctors on the western side of the United States ma. I'm not saying I'm gonna go, I would just like to have the option, and if I did want to go there, your support."

"Well I don't support it, I think it's really fucking stupid."

"Alex," she whines at the language.

"What?!," she snaps.

"How often are these classes?"

"Twice a week for six weeks. One day is math, one is verbal. The test is in January, so I have to start today." He hands her the form, clearly having waited til the last possible minute.

Alex throws the covers off of herself, heatedly and heads out of the room to start a pot of coffee.

"Don't pay her any mind, I'll talk to her. You know how she gets. You do what you have to do, and apply wherever you want, okay? Don't worry about making anyone else happy."

He exhales, unsettled and nods.

She takes his consent form and signs. "I'm not asking who, but whoever gave you the money either give it back or void their check, can you get my bag?"

He walks out past the kitchen, he hears Alex mumbling to herself. She doesn't look up at him, too fixated on her task at hand. He grabs Piper's purse and brings it back. She writes him a check and tells him she'll see him later.

She pads into the kitchen a few minutes later, "why're you making him feel guilty about going away to school?"

"I'm not making him feel anything. And why are you so devil may care?"

"I'm not but he shouldn't limit his options because you don't want him to go away to school."

"You want him to?"

"I... no, not across the country. But I think it's extremely liberating to go away and be on your own."

"It's not like we smother him."

"We do a little."

"No we don't. He goes out, we let his girlfriend hang out and shit in his room when we're not home. What the hell else does he need to do?"

"It's just a different experience, making your own way, taking responsibility for your life. Not doing things because you have to come home and answer to someone, but because you want that for yourself."

"He's already pretty responsible and clearly wants things for himself."

"Alex, he needs to venture out at some point ok? Don't take it personally. He's growing up." Alex flicks her hand at her.

"What did you bust his ass for all this time, if not to go onto college and get a job that he loves?" She takes a sip of her coffee shakes her head at Piper's rationale coherence.

"You can't do this, you're not going to win."

* * *

"And we're not gonna fight over little things that old married couples fight over," Piper tells her.

Alex leans her head back on her bent elbow, amused as they already do, "like what?"

"Like leaving small amounts juice in the carton instead of finishing it. Or leaving things out that have a proper place."

"Is this your way of telling me you get annoyed when I leave a sip of juice in the carton?" Piper raises her eyebrows in confirmation.

"And what do I leave around?"

"Nothing, its just hypothetical."

"Uh huh, hypothetically, what do I leave around? Cause this apartment? Chronic Piper tornado."

"No it is not," Piper leans up defensive.

Alex smirks, "uh yes it is. Piper your sh... stuff, is everywhere, it always is. And I don't care, but then don't come and whine when I leave an occasional thing out. Lets stop the effrontery now."

Piper's mouth drops at being called guilty for her own accusations.

"You don't get to win anymore," Alex mocks from the bed swirling her wedding ring around her finger.

Piper whacks her with a pillow, "I never got to win."

"Oh that's a bold faced lie, I always let you win."

Piper shoves her.

* * *

After he closes the door to their apartment, leaving that early Saturday morning, Alex comes storming out of the bathroom, having pent up her feelings for the last two weeks.

"And this," she points a clump of blonde hair at Piper, "how many years will it take for you to clear out the drain?"

Piper just stares at her, refusing to respond to this tone.

Alex stares back, her frustration diminishes, her eyes are worried.

"You cant have mixed feelings while he goes off to take this test."

"I haven't said a thing to him."

"He can sense how you feel, you need to root for him," she looks at the clump of hair Alex is holding in the wad of tissues, "and that's gross, throw it out."

"I know it's gross, I've been telling you that for twenty years. Why should I have to get into the shower and step on a mini toupee?"

Piper scoffs at the same argument they have on a regular basis, "I'm sending him a text from both of us," she says whipping out her phone. "Harper c'mon," she says calling her for dance.

"Tell Nicky I say hi. If you're home before him, resist the urge."

"Resist the urge to what?," she hisses.

She bites her lip, refusing to let the words that she feels describe her wife in this moment, fall from her lips.

When he walks in the door early that afternoon, Alex practically knocks him over, "So?"

"What?"

"What? How'd it go?"

"It was fine."

"Did you get your score?"

"Mmmhmmm," he says leaning into the fridge taking four different snacks out of their kitchen and into the living room. She follows him, he flops down and stares at the tv, he tries to change the channel, but she's blocking him. He leans around her to change it.

"And?"

"I did fine."

"Fine?"

"Mmmhmmm."

"What's fine?"

"Well."

"Well enough?"

"Enough for what? I don't know what you want. You confuse me."

"I confuse myself."

He shakes his head, annoyed at her blockage of the TV. She steals the remote.

"I scored well enough to make my application competitive."

"That's great," she says with a melancholy smile.

He nods, standing up and walks into his room. Unbeknownst to him, she's two inches behind him.

"Th...," he goes to yell and stops startled by her proximity, "shit, you scared me."

She hugs him tight, pressing all the air out of him, "I'm really proud of you, I'm sorry I've been giving you a hard time."

"It's fine," it's not he thinks, but there's no point in dragging it out. "There's some campus tours and open houses that I got the dates for. My counselor said I should check out my top 5."

She nods, "which are?"

He flips through a notebook and tears out the page with the names of some schools along with scribbled dates and hands it to her.

She looks it over, all on the east coast.

"So, can we check them out?," he asks, after her continued silence.

"Yeah. What happened to Cali?"

"It's too far."

She sighs, "J, I don't want you to rule out the schools you were interested in because of something I said." She exhales. "If you like those, we can check them out."

He shakes his head, "it's too far."

"It's a 6 hour plane ride," she tries to downplay the distance.

"But I won't be able to come home for all the holidays. I'd miss out on a lot of stuff, there's a bunch of other schools that I'm just as interested in, that are closer," he says gesturing toward the paper.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah."

"We'll go, this one's first," she points to the third on his list, "do you have more info on their programs and stuff that you can see online?"

He dumps out the contents from his backpack and spreads it out, looking for something in particular. When what he's looking for isn''t there, he crawls over to a stack of notebooks under his desk, that topple over after he rummages. He spreads them out until he sees the specific folder he's looking for. "Here it is," he says pulling out a folder and hands it to her.

It's heavy, she notes as she rifles through his papers. "Jesus J," she says looking through the folder at the full packets of info, listing the points he was sold on, with pros and cons. She starts to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, you'll get annoyed," she says turning a page and her eyes go wide at the tuition.

"No I won't, tell me."

"I'm having a déjà vu moment from when we went searching for your preschool."

"Maaaaaa," he drags out, not wanting this experience to be equated with something as insignificant as preschool.

"What? Your mom drove me crazy with packets just like these, with applications and requirements and all sorts of stuff. Its just eerily similar, that's all."

He nods.

"This tuition is slightly more daunting than the preschools were."

"I know but I can get a job and I'm gonna try to get some scholarships for soccer."

"And we'll just have to take out loans and be in debt like everyone else in America. Don't pay attention to the numbers, not that you have," her eyes go wider at another universities tuition. "This is kind of ridiculous, you'll spend your whole life paying this back."

"But at a job I like though right?"

"Yeah, that's the goal."

* * *

Piper's arm is linked with Harper's as they sit on the subway after dance. She seems solemn, she's not been as talkative and enthusiastic since she started junior high, but today she seems even more down.

"You okay peanut?"

She nods her head and leans into Piper's shoulder.

"You sure?" She feels her nod her head against her arm.

She rests her hand on her daughter's knee cap and brushes her thumb back and forth.

Once they're home, Alex swaps info with Piper about the upcoming open houses, while Piper tells her something is up with Harper.

They split in different directions to talk with the opposite child.

"So she seems okay with all the schools," Piper says to Jamie enthusiastically.

"Yeah I showed her the packets like you said, thanks for making those."

"Did you really think she wouldn't come around?"

"No, I just... when we go though, she needs to like the school in order for me to go there. I can't go away and attend one that she doesn't like."

"She may find something she doesn't like about every place," she says with a chuckle.

"I know, I could see that happening."

"So you did really well huh?"

His eyes go wide and nods pulling out the hardcopy of his results.

Across the hall, Alex knocks and comes into Harper's room. Her daughter's laying on her bed, watching some video on her phone.

"What's up baby?"

"Nothing."

"You seem sad."

"I'm not sad."

"What are you then?"

"A flat-chested 'baby-peanut,'" she says with a serious face.

"For now, you're... you're not flat-chested."

"Everyone has bigger boobs than me."

Alex chuckles slightly.

"Ma, it's not funny."

"I'm not laughing at you, they'll get bigger...probably."

"When?"

"When they do. Your mom's never had big ones, you might not either."

"But you do."

"You didn't come from my body though babe."

"I never cared until now."

"Don't start caring over something like this. You've got this cute little bod, and all this gorgeous curly blonde hair because of your mom."

"You're just..."

"...And I'm not just saying that cause I'm your mama, you're beautiful."

"I just want them now."

"I know. And I used to hate when people said this to me, but don't be in such a rush to grow up."

"Can I get a bra with the liner, so I look like I have bigger ones?"

Alex sighs her laughter, "you and your brother team up, to try to kill me, don't you?"

She smirks a little with hopeful eyes, "is that a yes?"

"Yeah I guess," she says shaking her head, as her daughter bounces off the bed, ready to go.

* * *

A/N: again spazzed during the OITNB proposal when they're both kind of in disbelief that the other said yes. Premonitions?


	52. Chapter 52

52

"Look how beautiful the colors are!," Piper says in reference to the foliage along the highway. Jamie and Harper snicker in the back.

"What're you upto?," she asks toward the back of the car.

"Nothing," they reply in unison. Jamie continues, "ma's passed out from all this excitement and you...,"

"I what?," she asks exasperatedly.

"You just sound really old."

"Hey, do you wanna drive?," she asks him with a tone to watch it.

"Yes!"

"Then shut your face."

They start laughing again.

Alex stirs and grumbles, "what does everyone in this car have against me sleeping?"

"See? You woke the beast," Piper teases as Alex curls her body toward the window and tries to nod back off.

As they pull off the exit ramp, Jamie unhooks his seatbelt, legs bounce in anticipation to get behind the wheel and practice on the suburban streets of his grandparent's neighborhood.

As Piper and Jamie switch places and the doors slam, Alex fully wakes up. "Wait, why am I in the front seat?"

He turns to look at her, seemingly annoyed, as if he's the latest Nascar reject.

"Because you're always saying that I'm a bad driver," Piper states from the back, and puts her seatbelt on.

"You are, Lead Foot."

"You've made fun of me, more times than once, for driving too slow."

"Yeah when you drove my car because you were petrified of damaging it. Now? You couldn't care less if you mess up the car."

"That was a luxury sports car!, she defends as it was one of the most expensive cars she'd ever been behind the wheel of.

Alex laughs.

"This one is half mine so I wouldn't feel as guilty."

"You had a sports car?," Jamie asks her pushing his seat back and adjusts the mirrors.

"Yeah," she says and looks out the window.

"Hello?," Piper taps her wife on the head, "are you even paying attention?"

Alex sits up to pay more attention while Piper praises him, "good job J, now keep your foot on the brake and shift into 'drive.'"

"I know," he says, and shifts the gear taking his foot off the brake. The car starts to move.

"Stop!," the blonde yells out.

"What?," he hits the brake and looks around.

"You didn't put your signal on or check your blind spot!"

"There's no one here!," he says waving his arms around.

"It doesn't matter! Every time you need to put your signal on, and you check your blind spot."

"Mom, there's no one here!"

"Every time!," she shouts, "or were switching back."

"Okay!," he shouts back.

He puts the left signal on, and exaggeratedly looks over his shoulder at nothing and starts driving on the road. After a minute or two, he starts going faster, creeping above the speed limit.

"Watch your speed," Piper warns.

His foot comes a little too heavily against the brake to slow down and jolts the car forward.

"Jesus J," Alex whimpers with her hand on her chest, gripping the grab handle on the roof.

"Sorry," he laughs and goes about ten miles under the speed limit.

"Uh Jamie," Harper starts, "I'd like to see Grammy and Gramps while they're still alive."

"He's doing fine," Piper taps her daughter's knee while she leans up to give him directions. "Okay, not this street but the next one, make a right."

He moves over toward the right a little more, coming close to cars that are parked along the road, Alex covers her eyes with her hand. She peeks through her fingers, and tells him to "put your signal on now and start slowing down."

He nods and makes a smooth turn and grins widely at her.

She chuckles. "Alright James Bond. Go up a few more streets and make a left."

"I know, I've only been here eighty thousand times."

She tells him to move his hands a little farther apart for better control of the wheel and he makes another effortless turn. He drives into his grandparent's driveway, Harper jumps out before the car is in park and races up to the front door eager to see them.

"What're you doing?," Alex asks him.

"Parking?"

"This isn't parking. What driveway have you seen by our apartment?"

He bites his lip nervously, realizing she wants him to parallel park.

"You've seen me do it a thousand times," she says brushing off the difficulty.

"Yeah but I never paid attention."

"It's fine just back out, go slow."

He backs up out of his grandparent's driveway, as the eldest Chapman's watch him pulling away from their house before they've even said hello.

"Alright, line yourself up with this car here," she says pointing to the adjacent vehicle, "put your right signal on, put the car in reverse and slowly go back until the little triangle window meets up with the back of their car."

He does what he's told, and stops. He turns his head to look at her for further instruction.

"Good, alright, cut the wheel all the way to the right, but look back on the left until you see the middle of the car behind you and then stop."

"This is why you're doing this," Piper chirps from the back, "I just park, I wouldn't know how to explain it."

"Yeah Pipes there's an actual technique here." Horrible driver, she mouths to Jamie, who laughs in agreement.

"I'm not a bad driver!," she says shoving Alex's shoulder, "you can drive home now. You're welcome."

"I can?," he asks.

"Not you," she clarifies.

"Hello?," Alex says trying to refocus everyone's attention so they can get out of the car, "can we finish?"

When she has Jamie's attention, she continues, "okay turn the wheel all the way to the left now and let your foot off the brake." The car slides into the spot.

"Perfect kid, just straighten it out a little," she says and starts to remove her seatbelt. He notices, and puts the car into park feeling proud.

While they're sitting around, picking at pre-Thanksgiving food while the turkey is finishing up, Harper curls up on the couch and leans into Piper.

Piper plants a kiss atop her head, while her daughter's eyebrows furrow below her line of vision. After a few minutes, she pushes off the couch and walks off.

When she comes back, most of them are around the table. She slowly takes a seat and they start to go around and say what they're thankful for.

Her 'tofurkey' is barely touched, when she steps away from the table again and goes upstairs. After a few minutes, Piper raises an eyebrow and goes to check on her.

After checking Cal's old bedroom, which is where her kids usually stay, she knocks on the bathroom door, noticing the light, reflected on the hallway floor, "baby?"

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah," she answers opening the door.

"What'dya doin?," she asks stepping into the bathroom.

"I got my period."

Her eyes light up, "you did?"

Harper nods excitedly as her mother hugs her tight, surprised and happy.

"But I can't find any pads or anything," Harper says as she crouches back down to the open cabinet underneath the sink.

"Yeah you're not gonna find any under there," she chuckles, "we have to go to the store. Just roll a bunch of toilet paper and lay it on your underwear."

"I did but I didn't know if it would leak through."

"Not that quick it won't. Can we go after we finish up dinner?"

"Yeah if you think it'll be okay."

"It will," she says gripping her daughter's shoulders and looks at her properly. "Well go to lunch tomorrow to celebrate you becoming a woman, okay?"

Harper once again nods excitedly, "okay."

Piper plants a kiss atop her head and rubs her hand over her head.

At dinner, they eyeball each other across the table, she swears her daughter sits up straighter, exuding newfound confidence.

"She's okay?," Alex whispers in Piper's direction.

"Yeah, she's great."

After dinner, Bill Chapman retires to his chair in the living room, while Carol heads to the kitchen and starts to clear the table as Piper leans into Alex to discreetly tell her of their daughters news. Her initial reaction is to say she's sorry and offers their daughter some ibuprofen. Piper's eyes are glazed with joy at their daughter's milestone, she clears away more dishes from the table and heads to the kitchen.

"I'm not sorry. I'm a woman!," Harper exclaims, taking the tablets of ibuprofen from her mother.

Alex can't help but smile at the enthusiasm of her barely pubescent daughter, "can we say lady? This makes you a step closer to being a woman."

Her face becomes immediately defensive, "no way, mom said..."

"I know, I know, I know," she raises a hand and then places it over her chest. "Please, for the sake of my heart."

"Mmmkay, can I at least be a young woman?"

"Fine," she says and refills her glass of wine and takes a sip. She tilts her glass toward her daughter, who takes it with a raised brow.

"I can have some?," she asks at a whisper taking the glass, knowing her grandmother would flip out at the gesture.

Alex nods and swallows her mouthful of wine.

Her daughter takes a small sip and then a larger one and then a gulp, when Alex takes the glass from her daughters lips, "hey, a sip, child."

She giggles and swallows her wine, "young woman," she corrects. Jamie looks up and just smirks at the memory of his ma giving him hist first sip of alcohol.

"Wipe your mouth," Alex thumbs the corner of her daughter's lips, wiping away the evidence. "Will mom get mad?"

"She wouldnt be thrilled."

"Yeah, she wasn't happy when ma gave me beer."

"You have him a sip too?"

She nods. She shushes her. "She gave me more than a sip."

"How old were you?," Harper asks her brother.

"You were about the same age?," she asks squinting and looking at Jamie who nods in confirmation. "I'm a bad influence," she blurts out.

"Yeah, didn't you get drunk in junior high?," Harper asks.

"Shut up, that was the worst morning ever."

"How do you even remember that?," Alex asks Harper.

"He told me he was sick from too much beer when we watched Harry Potter."

"Yeah she left me hungover to stay home and babysit. Who does that?"

"Did you ever do it again?"

"No."

"Then don't knock my tactics."

The kitchen door swings open, Piper places a pumpkin pie and apple pie on the table and starts cutting everyone pieces.

"Can we go to the store now?," Harper gently reminds her.

Jamie overhears the need for a driver and offers to chauffeur, unaware of what the errand is for. He's told he can drive but only if he promises not to be obnoxious. Piper has him wait in the car, while they run inside.

"What's with the secrets?," he asks when they get back in the car.

"Worry about yourself," Piper tells him and puts her seatbelt on.

"Why can't I know?"

"Because it's nunya business," Harper says with sass from the backseat, opening the assorted pack of pads on her lap.

"I can just drive us in circles until you tell me."

Harper leans forward in the car to change the station and elbows him.

"Why are you abusing the driver?," he asks flaunting his status behind the wheel.

Piper tells him to start driving before she has him swap out and he starts driving back toward their grandparent's house.

When he parks on the curb, Harper takes the open pad that she's had in her hand for the whole drive back and slaps it, sticky side, onto her brother's cheek. She exits the car cackling.

Alex and Piper get settled into her old bedroom, Alex lays across the length of Piper's bed with her arm over her face.

"What's the matter?," Piper asks her, prying her arm away so she can see the brunette's eyes.

"Being in here, makes me more nostalgic for their youth than I normally am, and then today happens."

"I'm so happy for her," Piper shakes her head.

"Yeah I don't get that? What's so great about it? My mother slapped me when I got mine. And then I told her that I liked chicks and that she didn't have anything to worry about and she slapped me again."

Piper laughs out loud, "I vaguely remember you going through the great depression, when yours ceased. Just saying."

"That's different."

"It's actually exactly the same. Your grief was over the same rationale as her pride, and it should be celebrated."

"Hmmph," Alex replies as Piper cozies herself atop her.

"Being female should be cherished. If I wasn't one, I'd never have snagged you."

"True story. I like this space," she drags her knee up between Piper's legs, "free of dangly parts." She rests her arms above her head, as she looks at Piper with adoration.

"What?"

Alex's eyes wander around the room, "it's kind of a turn on, being in here, with you laying on top of me."

"Oh Alex," she says sitting up some, "are you serious?"

"Yeah, it's like I snuck in, to get it on, like a horny teenager." Her eyes roam over Piper's bothered expression and then look toward her door. She moves so that Piper has to crawl toward the center of the bed in order for her to get up. She secures the $2.50 golden latch on Piper's door and wiggles her eyebrows.

"No way," the blonde warns, as Alex has that gleam in her eyes. She scurries over and pounces on Piper's ancient childhood bed. The creaking that ensues, puts Piper into a fit of nerves and causes Alex to guffaw.

The brunette messily maneuvers her hand down Piper's pants, and strokes her from inside, the way she knows she likes it.

"Alex, no," she looks at her sternly, as the the brunette's expression tells her to piss off, as she starts rocking behind her hand. The bed creaks with every rock, and Piper worriedly again tells her to "cut it out."

"Pipes, your folks are practically deaf."

"I don't care, these walls are paper thin...," Alex cuts her off, her tongue smoothly demanding entrance into Pipers mouth. Her free arm wraps around the blonde's back and encourages her to sit up and she moves them to the floor.

The following afternoon, Piper and Alex take Harper out to lunch, now with Jamie's blessing to not be involved. They talk to her about school, fishing for any new inner thoughts that she's willing to share. She speaks with confidence about some aspects of her life, but some sentences are laced with self depreciation regarding her appearance and it all but crushes Alex's heart.

Piper can relate, having grown up without pin straight hair or the biggest chest but she tries to convince her daughter that with time she'll learn to see her assets and starts to highlight some. She puts a piece of her hair on top of a piece of her daughter's and they're almost exactly the same color.

"The color isn't bad, I mean sometimes it's just boring."

"You're not dyeing your hair," Alex says. "The color is gorgeous, you're going to mess it up, just leave it alone."

"But some of the girls at school, put hair mascara in for dances, and I've seen pictures of them when they go to parties. It just looks nice."

"It's rebellious," Alex quips.

Piper recants and defends Harpers, "or it's self expression. Was your hair blue in rebellion or because it was part of your style?"

"First of all, we're talking about her, not me and I was an adult."

Piper glares at her knowing full well she'd played around with coloring her hair in high school. Having a strict upbringing, allowed her to raise her own children with more flexibility than she could ever imagine having. Harper catches the look Piper's giving Alex and tries her luck.

"Can I just try the temporary ones for the weekend?"

"How temporary are we talking about?"

"I don't know, can we see what they have?"

"Al, we'll get the kind that washes out."

"Then you take her, and help her color her perfectly fine, golden hair."

Harper practically foams at the mouth at the prospect of this being on the table.

Later that night, Piper sits with Harper trying to add a couple of light pink strands through her hair but it's barely visible, thanks to the cheap brand they got at the teen accessory store. Alex glances up from her book, noting Piper's frustration as she continues to try to make the color stand out more.

"Al?"

"Not getting involved," she says refusing to look up from her book.

"Ma you can hardly see it, can you please help?," Harper asks titling her head to the side. She glares at her daughter as if she's crazy to think she'll receive help from her of all people. "Ma please, I'll never ask for anything else again."

"Right," she laughs, having heard this when she convinced her to get heeled tap shoes, "like the older girls," and the week before when she begged to stay out an hour later than she was expected to be home.

"Babe it's just some color. It will wash out," Piper tries to remind her wife.

"I already said no. Two blondes putting their heads together," she's cut off.

"Watch it," Piper barks.

The brunette smirks and finishes, "and you can't manage to turn the lightest hue of color, hot pink? Sorry not my problem."

Harper pouts.

Alex refocuses her eyes away from daughter and back to the text on her book.

"Mama, please?," she hears from behind her book.

Her heart lurches every time she hears her daughter plead. "Harps you're perfect the way you look, right now."

"I wanna be perfecter," she says coming to her knees and leans her head on Alex's lap.

"Oh you're the worst!," she says as her daughter rubs her head gently along her leg.

"Please? What about for my dance next month? It'll look so cool."

"Ugh I'll see, okay? Maybe. And it's a strong maybe."

Nightly, Harper bolts towards the door hoping that Alex has come around, but every night she's told not to bother her about it or it's an automatic "no."

When she picks her up from dancing school, a month later on a Thursday evening, with a bag from the drugstore in hand, Harper can't get past the studio door fast enough. She squeezes her arms around her mother's neck and jumps up and down, "thank you, thank you, thank you!" She roughly shuffles the 4 different boxes of hair dye through the bag, "which one are we gonna use?"

"I was thinking a few streaks of each."

Her eyes go wide, unsure, "really?"

Alex nods confidently.

Francesca cranes her neck around the door to say hi, "so you caved?"

"Harper, did you tell everyone?"

Francesca laughs, "guess that baby pout still works Harps. Have fun at your dance okay? Let us know how it went."

She nods happily, "thanks miss Chessie."

Friday night before the dance, Alex does her hair, creating magenta, purple, blue, and teal streaks through the lower half of her daughter's curls. Harper's thrilled with the way it came out, and now Piper thinks she went overboard. "What happened to the pink streak. Singular?"

"This is so much better!," Harper says, using Alex's compact mirror to see different angles.

"Don't look at me like that," Alex says, screwing the caps back on the bottles to put underneath the sink. "You were all gung ho about this. If you're gonna do something, why half ass it?"

Harper nods in agreement runs off to change into a black top and denim skirt. She slips on her ballet flats and stuffs a purse with all sorts of nonsense that she doesn't need. When she gets to the dance, her friends freak out properly saying its amazing and want to do something similar to their own. They dance in a circle, cheering on each friend as they take a turn in the middle doing cheesy dance moves, until they take a water break and hang on on the gym bleachers. A kid she's never seen before tells her he likes her hair. He's taller than her by almost a foot, he's got converse sneakers, black skinny jeans, a black t shirt, with an open buttoned flannel one over it. He has a visible tattoo on his forearm, his hair is gelled and spiked with a longer jagged piece that hangs in front of his eye. The lobe of his ear, cartilage, and lip are pierced with hooped rings. He takes a seat next to her and she's about to come undone.

"Thanks," she says and then turns her head with wide eyes toward her friend Bridgette.

"I used to have one this color," he points to the teal strand that rests on her shoulder, "right through here," he rakes his hand over the side of his head.

"Awesome," she replies and sits on her hands. After talking for a few minutes and cracking a few jokes, he tells her that she should come by a party a bunch of people are going to after the dance.

Later at the dance, a girl from an upper grade, also tells her she and some of her friends should come by and gives her a paper with the address. They squeal as quietly as they can and try to keep it together for the remainder of the dance. A text message confirms she can go, but to check in at certain times.

Once she, Bridgette and two more of their friends get upstairs to this girl's party, they go around saying hi to the few people who they've talked to once or twice before, before settling on the couch.

The same guy, finds her sitting on a couch with a friend and offers to get them something to drink.

"What's around?," Harper asks.

"I've seen water, beer and soda," he tells her and looks around trying to take inventory of other options. Both girls say sodas and he walks off and returns with two cans of coke. Harper's friend says thanks and makes herself scarce.

"So, why don't I know you?," he asks her.

"I usually don't have the streaks," she replies caressing her head momentarily. He nods, looking at her soda, "shit, I'm kind of thirsty now."

She pulls her can back toward her shoulder, "no way get your own."

He laughs and quickly grabs a soda for himself and starts to re-chat with her. "So," she starts, "why don't I know you? Who's home-room are you in?"

"Livosi's."

She doesn't recognize the name, and looks confused.

"Reddish hair, always wears a blazer, has lipstick on her teeth?"

"Oooooh yeah. Wait, how old are you?"

The corner of his mouth dips down, "fifteen?"

Her eyebrow raises and furrows with the one beside it. He exhales, "I had to repeat seventh grade."

"Oh," she says sipping her soda. He looks down, feeling like he already blew it. "What happened?," she asks.

"I failed English."

She starts to laugh, her smile is contagious, and he laughs some with her. "We speak English, how did you fail?"

He shakes his head, "you sound like my mom. I just didn't care at the time. I didn't do the reading, missed class to ass around. I had to beg my parents to let me stay here and give me another chance, but you know, when you ask for one more chance half a million times, it doesn't go over very well."

She nods.

"But," he shrugs, "I'm still here right? It sucks, and having to tell people, is only a little humiliating, so you know, I survive alright."

"What's your name?," she asks him realizing she doesn't know.

"Jeremy. Hinton."

"Harper. Was named after a literary figure, uh oh" she points to him teasing, "ready, set, go."

He laughs and points to himself, "Pearl Jam."

"I've heard of them. What do they sing?"

He looks at her dumbfounded, "you don't know their songs?"

"I might? Sorry I can't just place them. Maybe they were a little before my time."

He laughs at her sarcasm regarding their three year age gap, and pulls out his phone and earbuds and has her listen to pieces of "Yellow Ledbetter, Daughter, and Better Man."

"Yeah, I know them," she shouts through the earbuds, "relax. My ma listens to them and a zillion other rock bands. I'm not a lost cause." She pulls the earbuds out and hangs them to him. "Jeremy Hinton," she mulls and purses her lips, trying to place him, "I've seen your name in programs of school plays. You act?"

"Nah, I help play the scores."

"Mmmm, you're in the orchestra?"

"Band," he drags and rubs his hand over his hair, "you're killing me here Harper."

She laughs, "sorry. What do you play?," she asks sitting a little closer.

"Bass."

"That's like a guitar right?"

He smacks his forehead, and laughs, "yeah it's like a guitar."

"Shut up," she shoves him, "I didn't know! Now I do." She sips her soda, "so do you have a band?"

He wrinkles his nose, "sort of, some guys from my year, well, what used to be my year, we get together and play a lot but my schedule's different so it's a little more difficult. But they're cool, we make it work. We've tried to play at a couple of places but it's so hard to get a 'yes' without having to pay a venue."

"Yeah," she says, having no experience with what he's talking about, she plays with the end of one of her purple tips.

"What are you into?"

"Oh," she thinks, "dance. Mostly."

"Wow," he says sarcastically at the smallest tidbit of information possible. He moves his hands around willing her to continue, "what type, like the cabbage patch or actual skilled dancing?"

She laughs, "actual skilled dancing. Tap, ballet, lyrical, jazz, contemporary. A little of everything, though, I could do hip hop but I shouldn't, so I don't."

"Well that's not impressive at all."

"I've been dancing since I was three, me and twenty other girls, so...its pretty standard."

"Well it's impressive to me," he says leaning back into the couch.

She smiles some and sips her soda, she follows suit and leans back as well.

"So, Harper Lee...," he says, her head turns quickly at the recognition, "I actually read that book, second time around," he cracks before she has a chance to, "but still, I read it."

"Yep, my mom's are literary dorks so..."

"So...," he tilts his head back, "they probably won't be too impressed about me failing English of all things."

She laughs, "who said you were coming over?"

"Damn, way to shoot a guy down."

The best friend of the girl who's apartment they're in, lets them know that they're gonna smoke on the balcony. When they don't move, she asks Harper, "have you never smoked before?"

Jeremy chimes in, "why does that matter?"

The girl looks at him, perturbed as she wasn't talking to him, "because it's free pot and you're both sitting here like you're scared you're gonna shit your panties."

"I...just don't want any," Harper responds, not wanting to piss this girl off, but is truly disinterested.

"Whatever," she says, unable to be bothered with wasting her time with them, she walks away and joins a crowd of girls near the balcony, but Harper cant help but hear the "loser" that she mumbles under her breath, along with the pairs of eyes, that keep looking over their shoulders, in her direction.

She feels her face heat up and gets up to walk to the bathroom, but her friend that came with her stops her in the hall to ask what happened. She manages to keep Harper together, and prevents her from crying in front of the majority of popular's of their junior high. Though most of the smoking is being done outside, the amount of participants cause the waft of marijuana scent to filter through the apartment.

"I think im gonna go," she tells her friend.

"Okay," she says, as Harper walks further down the hall to call Jamie to see if he can give her a ride.

"You're gonna stay?," she asks, inquiring if Bridgette wants a ride.

"Yeah for a bit, Jamie got the car?"

She nods, relieved that she wont have to get into a car with either mom reeking of pot. "Sweet. I'll figure it out later."

Jeremy sees them lingering in the hall and walks over.

"He's coming over here," she says giving Harper a heads up.

"Hey are you alright?," he asks,

"Yeah I'm fine, I'm actually gonna go, it's getting late."

"Where do you live? I can walk you home."

"I'm downtown, it's okay, my brother's coming to get me now so..."

"I'll walk you down then?"

"Mmmokay," she says with a sullen smile.

They wait in the lobby, each time a pair of headlights gets brighter she cranes her neck to see if it's Jamie.

"Why are people so fake?," she asks him, but keeps her eyes fixed on the glass door.

"What do you mean?"

"They just seemed nice at the dance, like inviting, welcoming and then because I don't want to do the same thing, I'm a loser?"

"Yeah," he scoffs, "well, those girls..."

"I mean what the hell is that?," she says with a flared temper.

His head pulls back at her snap, "I...I don't know. Some of those girls want to be followed and if youre not in 100%, I guess they can't take that."

She drags the toe of her shoe along the floor. "But, you're not a loser."

She mulls that over, "you know, my mom gave me a really hard time about doing this," she says brushing a curl through her finger tips.

"What the dye?," he asks.

She nods.

"Yeah my mom's not into my hair either but, it's just hair."

"Well my mom did it for me, she used to have tips too, but... she was really reluctant because she said she didn't want me to be anything other than myself."

"But you didn't compromise any part of yourself really, did you?"

"No, but I guess she thinks the attention from other people will lead me to do stuff she wouldn't want me to. She doesn't want me to be someone who's not at the root of who she knows me to be."

"Are you someone other than who she thinks you are?"

"No, I'm myself around her. I guess she's just afraid I'll do things because everyone else is doing them and lose the qualities that she likes, I dunno."

He smirks, "well, I've had a fun night getting to know some of those qualities too." He raises a hand toward her hair, "and I think this looks really cool, but it's not like you needed it."

"You would never have talked to me otherwise," she says matter-of-factly.

He shrugs his shoulders, "who knows? But I'm glad I did."

She ignores the butterflies that flutter around her stomach, her eyes avert at his words and look to the toes of her ballet flats. When she looks back up at him, he's staring.

"What?," she asks him with wide eyes.

"Nothing."

She sees him eyeing her mouth, "I'm not gonna let you kiss me."

He smiles trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Not with that thing in your face anyway," she says brushing her fingers along his lip ring.

"What? You don't like it?," his tongue brushes against the metal, he gently bites it with his teeth.

She chooses her words carefully and covers it with her finger, "you'd look better without it." She hears Alex's voice in the back of her head, and finally hears what she's been saying all month.

As her mothers' car pulls up, a second later, her phone chimes with a text from Jamie saying hes outside.

"That's my brother."

"Okay."

"I'll see you on Monday?"

"Yeah. Wait, can I at least have your number?"

She takes his phone and punches her number in quick, before heading toward the passenger seat of their car.

Jamie leans forward around her, looking at the punk kid standing in the lobby. "Who's that?"

She fights her smile, "just a friend."


	53. Chapter 53

Penultimate chapter guys. Thanks for the kind commentary.

* * *

53

The completion of the majority of college tours was well underway. In fact he was sure that if he had to look at another pamphlet yielding quintessential fall foliage along with it's forced representation of a "diverse student body," one more time, he was going to puke. At lunch in the cafeteria, conversations ensue regarding his and his peers' top choices regarding where they'd like to spend the next four years, which school hosted the best open house, which dorms were the most impressive, which were rumored to have the best parties.

His enthusiasm is obvious, as he talks a mile a minute about a school 4 hours north of the city, along with his scouted offer to play for their soccer team. He sees Lauren force a smile at his rambling, she's somewhat quiet for the majority of their lunch period.

He approaches her afterwards, when most of their friends have headed off to their next class.

"Did you decide if youre gonna apply there?," he asks with a morsel of hope, following up from the last time they discussed prospective universities.

"I don't know yet, I still think it's too far."

"It's not too far," he says with an almost irritated whine. "The train stops in town and sophomore year we're allowed to have cars on campus."

"You don't have a car," she reminds him with a smirk.

His eyebrows furrow, "I might have a car by sophomore year."

"Your moms aren't gonna buy you a car J, dream on."

"What're you being such a kill joy for?"

"I'm not, I just don't know if I wanna go that far away."

"So where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know yet Jamie."

"Okay,"he raises his hands apologetically for pressuring her to answer, "I'm sorry."

He doesn't press the conversation further, but instead walks her to class and lists the reasons why he's almost certain he'll be repping Orange in the Fall.

Most evenings in their home, involve mustache doodling competitions on those same university pamphlets, while Piper scolds her children as well as Alex, as there's always something of paramount importance to get done like revising admissions essays, and interpreting the financial aid documents who's original copies were were ripped up once by the brunette, in frustration, as "no reasonable person can fill this shit out without assistance. You need a degree just to fill out the effing form!"

Piper reminds her that they can't afford to send him to school unless he receives financial aid, to which in exchange she receives the daily, "I'm going to be sick" look from Alex. Piper tells her to stop making excuses to get out of figuring out the form, tells her to erase the nauseated appearance and insists she accept this and figure it out. It's a daily battle that continues, primarily behind their bedroom door that creates a barrier to drown out the noise, as Alex in her heart of hearts doesn't want him to go anywhere further than their living room but also doesn't want to deter him from picking whichever university, he decides upon.

After talking to recruitment and a couple of potential teammates, for close to two hours, he asks if they can revisit his two top choices, to stay overnight with some guys from the soccer team and attend practice to get a better idea of what it would be like. Piper revels in every campus they've managed to set foot on, finding the highlights of each university, constantly revving up her son during each tour, while Alex has caved twice, stating she liked his choice of this particular school in addition to one other. That these two campuses managed to meet her standards for him and she could see him enjoying himself there, despite the 4 and 5 hour journeys respectively. The only revisits they made were those that met his ma's approval, out of fear if he went somewhere else, it would kill her.

Harper opts out of the repeat tours and makes plans to stay overnight with a friend from school for one night, and jumps at the offer to have Nicky watch her and get her off to school the following day.

As their feet transition from the carpeted dance studio to the sidewalk, Nicky chats to herself as Harper is engrossed in her phone. When she gets a text from Jeremy, she asks to stop into the grocery store, failing to state that he's inside, picking up some items for his parents. After she walks as nonchalantly as one can while looking for a love interest, her sneaker skids in the produce section, as she makes an abrupt change in direction.

She comes from behind him and covers his eyes.

He smiles and asks her, "so if one were to select a mature chard, what would I be looking for?"

Her hands release from around his eyes, "you called me here to find you chard?"

"No I called you here because I wanted to say hi, and because I'm bored out of my skull with this chore and I needed help finding chard."

"Oh," she smirks, and shoves his shoulder, "well in that case, I guess I can help you." Harper looks at his mother's list while Nicky notices the subtle flirting. She stays back to give her niece her space, pretending to look at items every now and then, picking up random vegetables and adding them to the mismatched assortment in her arms. When she drops the large spaghetti squash onto the ground, it grabs Harper's attention, redirecting her focus to where she is and who she's with. Harper glances back over her shoulder at Jeremy, and quickly pecks him on the cheek, "I gotta go."

"What're you all shy for?," he asks at her sudden awkwardness.

"She's my aunt," she mumbles at makes eyes toward Nicky.

"We're not like making out in front of her," he reminds her.

"Yeah but shell tell my moms that she saw us together and then they'll start asking me questions."

"So? Can you not... are you not allowed to date?"

She blinks quickly, "no, I.."

"Cause if you can't, I can wait. I don't wanna piss them off," he says earnestly, somewhat fearing both of her mothers after some of the things she's told him about them.

She smiles some, "it's just, I know there's some thing's that they won't love at first." He frowns some at this but nods.

"It has to be methodically approached," she confesses having had enough opportunities between herself and watching her brother, on figuring out how to get what she wants, "and my ma's already about to have a nervous breakdown with my brother leaving for college so trust me, now's not a good time for you to meet them."

"I'm done messing up," he says reassuring her that he won't do anything to displease her or any other figure of authority.

"I know that, but you're 15 and I'm 12, they're cool but they're not going to like that, and they're going to ask why you're 15 and in the same school as me."

They both already know this, she's just saying it out loud. He tilts his head back in shamed defeat, but has it passively pulled forward when Harper's hand cups behind his neck.

She looks into his eyes and tells him genuinely, "that doesn't matter to me though."

He smiles gratefully, "yeah, I know."

Nicky steps a bit closer, not sure if she should say hello.

Seeing this, he takes a step back, "I'll text you later okay?"

"Okay," Harper agrees and turns around with an exaggeratedly goofy smile when she meets her aunts raised brow. "Don't ask," she says before her aunt has a chance to comment.

"Don't ask what? Who that kid is that you're kissing next to all the organic harvests?"

"Aunt Nicky he's just tall," she says taking some of the vegetables from her aunt's full arms and starts to return them to their appropriate crates.

She hip checks her niece, "he shaves!"

"Please don't tell my moms," she begs with a pivot, "I will, I promise, just...not yet."

"I won't," she says truly, causing the wave of relief to wash over her niece.

Harper nods appeased for the moment. "What is this?," she asks lifting a yellow semi-curled squash.

"I have no fucking idea," Nicky says chucking the unknown squash into a heap of a different vegetables. "So, how do you know Shavey Shaverson?"

Harper almost rolls her eyes, but just closes them instead, she tests the water, "he goes to my school," she says and reopens her eyes hesitantly.

Her wild haired aunt, squints at her suspiciously.

"Mmmhe had to repeat 7th grade," she confesses, "he just made some shitty choices, okay?!," she says defensively.

"Alright, alright, did I say anything?"

"I know what you're thinking."

"No you don't, Nicky wants to not judge but can't help it out of protective nature. "So why him?"

"He's...he's actually really sweet. He does his own thing," she nods with confidence, realizing this is important to her. "He's kind of artsy, he plays bass in a band."

"Alright," Nicky nods equivocally. Harper can't tell if it's a nod of approval or to placate her.

"What?"

"Nothing to do with the fact that he'll make your mothers flip out?"

"That's just a bonus," she says sarcastically, trying to bring light to the situation when in actuality she's dreading the possibility of disproval. "I know now he's a little different, but I really like him."

"Mmmhmmm," she says can't help but smirk at the term that resonated true for herself with Francesca after hearing Alex describe Piper that way.

"He always asks what snack I want, he holds doors, he makes me laugh, and I don't know, he doesn't make me feel bad if I don't want to do something, you know what I mean?"

Fuck. "Mmm, what kind of something?"

"You know? Stuff. My friends have done stuff but they didn't really want to and he's not like that.

Precocious little shits! Her aunt clenches her abs, and makes an offer of availability, not just for her niece but in hopes that she'll prevent a coronary for her friends, "you can talk to me about that stuff it you want ok? I won't tell your moms."

Harper nods, "I know. I kind of like that around me," she lowers her voice, "he acts like one of those old time gentlemen," she laughs shyly, "but at the same time he still looks like a bad boy!"

Nicky can't help but laugh, "not gonna lie kiddo, the bad boy thing is gonna set your ma off the handle."

Her face drops to a degree, "you think so? Not mom?"

"Well, your mom liked a bad girl, right? So I actually think she'd be more understanding. Your ma was friends with those guys."

Harper bites her lip nervously at the prospect of convincing Alex and not Piper as much.

Her aunt continues with her perspective, "I know he's different, but just ease her into it okay? Remember, bullshit like a shark smells blood."

Harper sighs, knowing all to well that her aunt is spot on.

They make it to Nicky's apartment, as she unlocks the door, Harper hangs back in the doorway.

"Uh, are you coming in?," she asks her niece not understanding why her eyes are tracking things just inside the doorway.

"Feels weird to be here."

"Why?"

"I haven't really ever been inside."

"You haven't?," she mulls it over, "no, I guess not. Well, if you lift your foot like this," she says bending her knee exaggeratedly," and lean forward like this," she leans and puts her full weight on the previously lifted foot, "you can say, you've been inside."

When Harper continues to stand and look around, Nicky looks at Alex and Piper's kid and reasons for a moment that a little weirdness is expected, but after two long minutes of being on opposite sides of the doorway, the silence breaks, "the heck's the matter with you? Get in and close the door."

"It's...it's miss Chessie's apartment too. Its ...well, it's just weird! I dunno."

"Ya face is weird!" She grabs a tacky lamp and angles it awkwardly, "do you think she'd have gorgeous decor like this? It's my apartment too now, chillax."

"I know, but she's my teacher."

"We can go to your apartment if you don't wanna stay here," she offers, seeing Harper genuinely thinking deeply about entering their place.

"No,no," she didn't want to misconstrue her feelings, she felt quite the opposite actually, intrigued by the space, wanting to walk around, opening the lids of boxes throughout the living room, look closer at the pictures mounted on the wall, see what their bedroom looked like.

She finally ushers her in, and closes the door. The girl carefully looks around, "babe, it's not a museum," she says catching Harper's eye that fixated on one item before glancing over to the next with fascination.

Harper laughs to herself, and points to a somewhat feminine clay bowl, "is this yours?"

"No,"she says, "not technically but whatever's out here you can touch," she starts prodding Harper until she loosens up. "I'm not serving you either, go in the fridge, make yourself comfortable."

Harper sifts through the bowl, reading the labels off the backs of different sample sized European creams and lotions, until she picks out a perfume that she likes and asks if Nicky thinks Francesca will have any opposition to her using it.

She makes her way into the kitchen, and starts opening and closing cabinets, extracting things here and there as she finds them.

"I need beeswax," she says looking over the assortment of supplies. "Like gossip?," Nicky questions.

"No, actual beeswax."

"Well, I definitely don't have it just lying around."

"Yeah I know," she laughs. "Would Francesca?," she asks with formal diction.

Nicky chuckles at the pronunciation, "can't say I've seen her dabbling around with any recently. Or ever."

"Do you think she'd mind picking some up?"

After inquiring to find such a supply, Francesca's put on a mission to find a product that's reliably found,regularly, in Harper's home. She comes home to both an aromatic scent, that overtakes the natural smell of their now shared space, and Nicky and Harper talking in the kitchen.

"Did you find it?," Harper asks her, seated at their table, modeling oversized rubber gloves among a random assortment of ingredients.

She smiles at the girl who she's seen grow up at the ballet bar, and pulls out the wax, "will this do?"

She nods immediately recognizing the product, "this is perfect, thanks miss Chessie."

"Harper you can call me Chessie outside the studio, okay?"

"Ooookay."

"So, what're we doing here?," she asks taking a seat and pecking Nicky on her head.

"Science fair project," Harper depicts, standing up and gathers all the things she needs that are strewn about the table. She sets a burner on, "I'll be done soon. It's pretty quick."

"What are you making?," Francesca asks her as Harper expertly starts measuring out her first ingredient.

"Lotion," she says dumping a blob of coconut oil into a pot from a small measuring spoon.

"But you already know how to make lotion," Nicky says to her, not really caring what her niece was planning on doing with all this stuff until now. "You're supposed to come up with something new aren't you?

"Yeah but they don't know that I do this all the time."

"Don't cheat kid," her aunt says with just a wisp of disappointment.

Her mouth opens up to dispute, when Nicky gives her that all knowing glare.

"Dammit," Harper says looking over at her easy project. "Well fine, do you still want a lotion? I was gonna use this?," she asks showing Francesca the sample she took from the bowl.

"Yeah, if you can."

"If I can," she scoffs with playful presumption, "I do it all the time, it's really easy."

"Ya have a list of other projects you can choose from?," Nicky asks her looking into the pot.

"There isn't a list, it's just supposed to be something you can make from simple supplies."

"Okay well, why don't you try this?," she suggests pointing out a homemade battery after scrolling through some DIY science experiments online.

"Sure, but only if you stand next to it when I'm done, so they think the power behind my battery made your hair like that," she says pointing to her aunt's head.

Nicky shoves her, "smartass. I see how it is, now because yours is tamer, there's no pride?" She calms her laughter, "I'm just kidding, but it would kind of be a cool photo."

Francesca runs a hand over Nicky's poof of hair and excuses herself to take a shower. Harper watches Nicky's eyes track her dance teacher as she walks out.

"Can I ask you something?," she asks stirring the contents with a wooden spoon.

"Don't ask if you can ask, just do it."

Harper nods, "how do know the difference between love and lust?"

She waits patiently for her aunt to answer, she uses the back of her arm, to rub the sweat off her forehead. Nicky looks at her, she looks so young, with the oversized gloves, the messy hair from dancing school, with a forehead coated in sweat, and yet the image of her flirting with a boy who looks like he's been around, sits firmly in the forefront of her brain.

"Well, lust is more of a physical attraction."

"Like you want them sexually?"

"Geez kid, go easy on me alright?"

She nods, "sorry."

"It's more shallow, but there's chemistry. Love...," she stops to pause and Harper fights her smile some.

"Yeah?"

"Love makes you crazy kid. Sometimes you do stuff that doesn't make sense. You care about that person, usually more than yourself. You'd do anything for em because you want the best for em, wanna see em do well. And out of that comes this passionate feeling of want, affection and eventually...well you know the rest, yeah?"

She smirks, "yeah."

"Good, thank God. So we're done?"

"Almost. So the way Jeremy treats me, do you think he loves me?"

Her mouth opens, she shakes her head, "I don't know. It seems like he might."

"How long does it take to know?"

"Well I don't think there's an answer for that. Some people believe you could love someone from the second you lay eyes on them, others can know each other for years before those deeper feelings develop. It took me a few months to realize I loved Chessie."

Harper leans around the doorway, she can hear the shower running.

"On our first date, we flirted a little, but we mostly talked and I think the fact that she still wanted to know me after knowing I had some things about my past that I was less than proud of, is what made me want to invest myself into getting to know her."

Harper smiles, "he has some stuff that he wishes he hadn't done too, but you have to have people to help you move forward from that right?"

"Yeah definitely kid. He's lucky to have you."

"Well I'm lucky to have him too." She talks softly, "so on your first date you didn't kiss or anything?"

"Hey a lady doesn't share that kind of stuff!"

"Aunt Nicky."

"Yes we kissed, but only because we both felt that it was right in that moment."

"I didn't let him kiss me the first time we hung out."

Nicky laughs, "good," good girl, "you wait til it feels right, and then wait some more! A good guy, one who loves you, he'll wait for you."

Harper's eyes widen, she bites her lip into a smile, "okay."

* * *

Harper tries talking to Piper about Jeremy, she's a little reluctant about the age but overall after her daughter goes on and on about this kid, she comes around and has her show her a couple of pictures on his profile.

"See, and he likes music," she says pointing to a picture of him and his friends, posing with his bass like a bad album cover.

Piper tries to suppress her laughs, "you mean he has a band?"

Harper smiles shyly, "he's not bad either, oh and he wants to come to my recital," she goes on excitedly, "can we get him a ticket?"

"I'd have to talk it over with mom."

Harper nods nervously but musters an "okay."

Alex's hand is tangled in her hair reading over Jamie's 4th revision of the same admission essay, the red ink markings are hers, Piper's are blue.

Piper reads her wife's feedback over her shoulder momentarily before gauging her wife's attentiveness level, "so, the boy...," she pauses, "he's a little... alternative."

"Meaning?," Alex asks not raising her head from the paper.

"He might be a little rough around the edges is all. It sounds like he had a rough patch but it's behind him."

"Alright?," she says brushing it off as everyone's had a rough patch now and again. She traces a finger over the next line of text, "how does she know him?"

"From school. She asked me if she could invite him to her dance recital."

"Can we meet him first before I have to sit next to the kid for 3 hours?"

"Yeah, she was just a little nervous to ask you."

This gets her full attention, her head tilts upward, "what for?"

Piper's lips fold onto one another, she bites down from within, until they're barely visible.

"He can just come over for dinner or lunch or something, get to know him a little so it's not awkward. I don't understand why she'd be nervous to ask me about anything."

Piper just nods a little.

"What am I missing?," the brunette asks, reading through the silence of her wife.

"He's a little older than her."

"That's okay," she reasons, not loving that her daughter likes an older boy, but she's now overly sensitive to the fact that her potential reaction invoked fear in her daughter. If she knows him from school they could only be so far apart in age, she sweeps it under the rug.

"Okay well she'll be glad to hear that."

* * *

Harper waits in line beside Jeremy and his friends at the movies. Having never been to this theater, her eyes wander the space, checking out the games, what they have at the snack bar, the different crowds of people. She watches a couple a few people ahead of them, the guy slips his arm behind the small of the girl's back, caressing the space just above her jeans when her eyes pull higher, recognizing Lauren's voice. Her lips part, and her eyes harden, she hears Jeremy say her name, but she can't stop staring, as the guy is not her brother.

"Harper," he says again louder, causing a few people to irritatedly look at the loud beckoner, including the girl she's looked up to for more than five years. The girl who talked to her like she was one of her friends and never her boyfriend's baby sister, the girl who's now swatting this new guy's hand away as she realizes it's the Harper she was hoping it wasn't.

Harpers eyes widen, her foot stumbles for a second, before she makes her way closer to her brothers's girlfriend, as Lauren takes a step away from, what appears like, her date.

Harper's lips come together about to ask exactly what the fuck is going on, when Lauren cuts her off.

"Hey Harper," she says happily, trying not to let her anxiety show through.

Harper's eyes look over to this other guy and then look sternly back at Lauren.

"Can we talk over here?," she asks Harper, bringing her thumb a few feet away. She doesn't wait for Harper to agree before stepping away, hoping the person she's with doesn't hear them.

Harper pivots and takes a few steps to meet her, "who is that?"

"He's just a friend who...,"

The younger blonde sucks her teeth not willing to hear the convoluted lies, "who had his hand above your butt," she spits, not making any effort to downplay the ornery demeanor. She swallows and waits for Lauren, she shakes her head in disbelief, "did you guys break up?," she then asks awed, figuring it's the only explanation as to how this would be okay.

"No!." she says rapidly and shakes her head, "we're not broken up. Harper, he's just a friend, there would be no reason..."

"A friend!," she scoffs, "you're on a date with him" she says at a hiss.

"It's not technically a date, we're just seeing a movie with some friends."

"Does Jamie know you're here? With another guy who feels comfortable enough to put his hands on you like that?!"

"Harper, stop!," she whispers loudly, fearing the boy on the line will be able to pick up a few key words.

"I don't understand... Jamie loves you. If you don't love him back, you should have the decency to tell him!"

"Harper I do love him! Don't say that. You're making this into something bigger than it is."

"So, if you saw him placing his hand on a girl's back the way that boy just did, you'd be okay with it?"

Lauren frowns some, knowing she would be devastated.

"You're gonna tell him," she says to Lauren frankly.

"Harper I'll go, okay? I'll tell him I have to go, before anything even has a chance to start alright? I shouldn't have come," she reasons, confirming she agrees that Harper's right.

"And you're gonna tell him," she shrugs, "or I will."

She walks backwards some before turning around to stand near Jeremy again who's curious as to what just happened. He places his arm around her shoulder, in comfort as he can tell she's really upset. She sees Lauren, keeping a foot of distance between herself and her date while explaining that she has to leave, before walking passed Harper with averted eyes, and leaves the theater.

Hours later when Alex picks her up from the movies that night, she spots her among the crowd of loud punk dressed teenagers, chatting with a boy that vaguely matches the fore-warning she received from Piper. Her daughter removes the oversized hoodie draped across her shoulders and hands it to the boy and starts walking to her car.

He stays back and pulls his sweatshirt on, when Harper waves him over toward the car, he leans down, adjusting his sweatshirt all the while as Alex rolls down the window and Harper gets in.

"Jeremy, this is my mom. Mom, Jeremy."

She looks at her mother with pleading eyes, not to be upset.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Vauseman. Thanks for inviting me over for dinner tomorrow night."

She can't be bothered with the name correction as her eyes are fixated on his tattooed forearm. When she feels Harper pinch her thigh, her eyes come up to meet his, she forces a nod, "nice to meet you too, I'll see you then."

Harper waves goodbye to him subtly.

"Put your seatbelt on," she grits through her teeth.

"Mom," she starts, while Alex rolls up the window.

"How old is he?"

"Mom, he's 15 but..."

"Years old?! You want to go out with a boy, I'm sorry, a man who's 15 years old?," she seethes. "I thought he went to school with you?"

"Mom, he does."

"How?"

"Ma..."

Alex closes her eyes, "Harper Nicole I swear to all things good and holy..."

She interrupts, " he struggled with school a couple of years ago but he's improved now."

"So he got left back?," she barks.

"Mom."

"Does your mother know he's 15?"

"Yes?," she says hesitantly, not wanting to throw Piper under the bus.

She exhales loudly and taps the wheel, talking under her breath trying to compose herself, "I don't like him."

"Well you're not dating him."

Her head snaps around toward the young blonde at her sass, "neither are you."

Her head lifts from the headrest and snaps back, "you can't tell me who I can date."

"He is three years older than you!"

"You're 6 years older than mom!," she justifies.

"That's neither here nor there, I was older when I met your mother."

"And eventually we'll be older too and it wont matter as much."

"Well right now your ages do matter."

"What's so bad about him?"

"The way...," she exhales, "the type of kids he's friends with, aren't people your mother and I want you around."

Her eyes widen at the dislike based on physicality. "You haven't even met them! And don't speak for mom, she doesn't have a problem with him."

"His face is pierced."

"His ear is pierced."

She points to her lip, "you can tell he's mutilated himself with other piercings Harper."

"He used to have a lip ring but I told him he'd look better without it and he took it out."

The brunette exhales, "and he has a tattoo."

"So that makes him a bad person? You have like 5 tattoos!"

"I'm an adult!," she barks, "he doesn't know who he is yet, to be making permanent decisions like that. Her mouth hangs open, her eyes stay fixed on the road ahead of her, forcing herself to stay focused on something before she loses her mind.

"Weren't you 16 when you got your first one?"

Her mouth closes, as she turns to glance at her daughter, speechless, as shes never mentioned that.

"Mom told me, so don't act like you didn't." She hasn't back-talked much, she doesn't like fighting with her mother, always preferring her to be on her side."I thought I'd have a harder time with mom not you. He's not a bad person. And let's just say he's done some things that you wouldn't be okay with, that doesn't mean that I would do them, or that he'll ever do them again."

An isolated breath releases from her nose, "he doesn't care enough about school."

"How do you know?"

"Harper, he failed a grade!"

"Because he didn't try, not because he isn't intelligent! If you talk to him, and just give him a chance, I think you'd like him."

"I just don't understand why you cant find someone who's a little more..."

"Lame?

"Compliant."

The petite blonde scoffs, "I can't believe _you're_ saying this."

Her daughter's tone forces her to reflect on herself, the image she conveys to others, and what her own realities are. Her daughter's voice brings her back.

"I mean what exactly are you trying to say? That I should find some robotic goodie goodie? I like him, he's nice to me, why should anything else matter?"

"Because...it matters how he presents himself , how he conducts himself. Like Lauren..."

Harper cuts her off immediately, "Lauren's not so innocent," she says with strong defense.

She looks at her daughter shocked, "why do you say that?"

"Ask Jamie. I'm my own person, I'm going to pick who I want to be with. People deserve...second chances. I don't see why you dont trust my judgment."

She looks at her daughter, she sees Piper's sass and imagines this is what should've been like had she been allowed to be herself from a young age. She can't help but admit she's somewhat distracted by the way her daughter's just implied that Lauren has her own faults.

The car is quiet, as she thinks about the time she got her first tattoo, feeling the need to mark her body with something permanent,that something that was missing. Far too aware of a teenager's need to explore and experiment, she understands aspects of her daughter's love interests curiosity, she just hopes he's more secure now, and doesn't influence her daughter negatively.

"I will...," she swallows, "try to give him a chance alright?"

Her daughter nods.

"Ugh," she says gripping the wheel as Harper smirks proud of her defense.

"Thank you," she tells her mother as she kisses her on the cheek. Alex glares out the side of her eye, trying to ignore the churning that's occurring in her stomach. Her children had their fair share of similarities but while some things were easy with Jamie, she could tell with the inevitable attitude that accompanied the teenage years, her insistently stubborn daughter would pose more of a challenge. Jamie was cheeky, he'd snuck around her trying to explore, foolishly thinking he'd succeed without his mothers discovering what he was upto. He'd dance around truths to make something sound more appealing, making them work to get him to spill emotions, which sometimes took forever. They'd joked when he'd take his time to reveal the slightest smidgen of information, Piper would draw the parallel and play the "longest labor ever" card, but all the while knowing that in his own time, things he'd eventually come around. But his natural sarcasm always gave him and Alex common ground to push off of to eventually get down the roots of what was going on. If reprimanded, he didn't try to negotiate, he wasn't defiant. He always knew he was wrong and had simply tried to get around it.

Harper on the other hand, was a spitfire, naturally joyous and always straight forward, unafraid to hold back. Unlike her brother, she excitedly, flailed into the world, jazz hands and all, not waiting for anyone. She'd state what she wanted, never feeling as though her desires weren't conducive to what her parents wanted. If for whatever reason, they didn't meet eye to eye, negotiations were immediate, and her blatant sweetness, and humorous charm were put on the table until she got what she wanted. Her methods of manipulation had always been direct and confident, and while she was somewhat self aware, she still evoked a childlike innocence, literally choosing "honesty is the best policy" as a way to live and conduct herself, and she expected parental support in return.

It just proved that her trust in her mothers was strong, and though the method of how information was obtained was very different, Alex felt as though she was equally close to both of her children. And while she preferred not to have to hunt for puzzle pieces of her children's lives, sometimes the blunt honesty that her daughter felt so comfortable with, was too strong, and made it hard for her to swallow.

Despite it being more difficult for her, she preferred her daughter's openness, knowing she'd readily come to her for help, releasing the fear that she had for Jamie, that he'd go off on his own, and get hurt before he learned a better way.

And as a mother, the one thing she wanted most was to protect her children from any harm or hurt and now she couldn't rid the feeling that something happened between her son and his girlfriend. The way her daughter scoffed at her name when she usually lit up, she asks for clarification, "I thought you liked Lauren?"

"I did," she says and shakes her head.

"Harper, what happened?"

She shakes her head no.

Her mothers eyebrows furrow, now you decide to clam up? "Harps?"

"Ask Jamie."


	54. Chapter 54

Final chap!

* * *

54

Throughout the duration of the drive home from the movie house, and the walk from the car to their apartment, Harper's voice and pace flexed between a tentative speed and a skip at her mothers game of 20 questions. Despite her reassurance that she'd give this kid a chance, Alex was determined to find as many flaws as she could, to make the mental case she'd built against him stronger, but she was coming up short. Every time her daughter scrounged up an answer that worked in Jeremy's favor, she'd add a little bounce in her step, skipping until she reached the wide strides of the tall brunette. She linked her arm into that of her ma, working her, "baby of the family can do no wrong," charm. She leans into her mother, nuzzling into her side, Alex slips her arm around her shoulder.

As they walk in the door, the keys are hung as quietly as possible as Piper is sleeping on the couch. Alex leans an ear toward the crack of her son's door, listening for any sound that says he's awake before knocking, "J?"

She can hear the mattress of his bed rustle, as he adjusts his position, but he doesn't answer. "J?," she says again through the door, "are you okay?"

"No," he croaks.

"What's wrong? Can I come in?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," he says, muffled, as though his face is pressed against his pillow.

Harper watches the brunette stand outside his door, her hands are mounted on both sides of the frame in obvious distress that her son is hurting and he won't let her in. She doesn't ask again, but just waits to hear any other sound. After waiting for several minutes without a sound, she says she's here to talk, or sit and not talk, any hour of the night if he changes his mind. Later, well after midnight, after her mothers have retreated to their bedroom, Harper knocks on his door,

"Jamie...it's just me," she whispers. She frowns as she's ignored outside his door, until it cracks open. He assesses that there's no one else behind her waiting to check on him and trudges back to his bed. She steps in and quietly shuts the door behind her. She watches her brother climb into his bed, the case from his pillow is stained with tears, his back faces her. She doesn't need to ask if Lauren talked to him as his face reads clearly, and as she sits atop his bed, she decides, she hates her. Hates her for making her big brother cry, for not thinking about how he would feel if she went out with someone else, how she would've, could've, gotten away with going out on that date and never even told him.

"Did you break up?," she asks trying her best to mask the emotion behind her inquiry.

He lays face down, she can see the sweat on the side of his face, the heat from his tears and his comforter, behave like a steam. His shoulders jerk, a muffled sob is exhaled as he nods. Her hand finds the grooves between his scapulae and rubs in soothing circles. She knows she did the right thing in threatening Lauren to tell her brother, but seeing him ache like this still forced her to question.

"Should I have kept my mouth shut?," she asks him.

"With what?"

"Well I told her to tell you...or I would."

"How did you know?"

"I...saw her at the movies"

"You did?," he asks turning over.

"Yeah."

"What exactly did you see?"

"It doesn't matter, I just thought you had a right to know, I mean it's already bad enough..."

"No," he stops her fearing having to handle more details, "I'm glad I know. I mean I'm not but I wouldn't have wanted to find out later either."

"She said they didn't do anything," she tells him trying to offer his him some kind of consolation. "Did she at least tell you why?"

He shrugs again and shakes his head no, "but I also didn't give her much of a chance to talk." She nods in understanding.

"I just kind of said," his eyebrows wrinkle, she watches anger replace his pain, he continues bitterly, "I'm glad I was worth so much to her after all this time, that she couldn't be bothered to have a conversation with me first, and she said she was trying to now and I said well now you mean the same to me and... I hung up on her."

She looks around his bed and doesn't see his phone. "She didn't try to call you back?," she asks exasperated that this girl isn't on her knees begging for forgiveness.

"I don't care if she wants to talk to me, were done."

She eyes around his room and sees his phone on the floor by his desk, most likely having been hurled in frustration. She picks it up, and presses in Lauren's birthday to unlock it, knowing the code having spied over his shoulder countless times and sees a list of texts and missed calls from the slimy cheater.

"She texted you a million times," she tells him.

"I don't care Harper."

"Okay," she says and sets his phone on his desk. "Do you want me to get out?"

"It's up to you."

She curls her lip and mouths "okay" to herself. "I'll be right back, want anything from the kitchen?"

He hadnt realized until she mentioned food, that he hadn't eaten anything since lunch, "what're you getting?"

"I don't know what do you want?"

"Sandwich?"

"Okay."

She's returns with a few options of DVD's tucked into her side and two plates with sandwiches on them. She opens her arm to drop the DVD's on his bed so he can pick what he wants to watch and sits on the floor beside his bed. She passes a plated sandwich over her shoulder, "peanut butter's on the bottom."

* * *

Midway through their dinner, Piper turns to Jeremy, "so Harper said you're in a band?," she asks lightly, urging on the dinner conversation.

"Yeah, but were not like official or anything."

"Do you write your own songs or do covers, or..."

"We've written a couple, but mostly do rock covers, like Nirvana, Guns N' Roses, AC/DC."

"Well those are good choices," she taps her mute wife's ankle with her toe, pushing her to be more interactive "Alex, don't you think?"

"Yeah they're alright," she says dully, earning a glare from Harper, knowing those bands are in the regular rotation on her phone. She sees her daughter's look and musters up a follow up question, "what's your favorite song to cover?," she asks.

"I'd probably say Paul Mccartney's intro to 'Come Together' or Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust.' I get a solo, and everyone knows those songs, so everyone's pretty into it."

"Nice," she says genuinely and relaxes some.

"Yeah my parents are pretty into old school rock."

"He's named after Pearl Jam's 'Jeremy,'" Harper adds.

"Yeah? I'm named after the drummer fom Van Halen," she shares. "'Jeremy' is a little...dark, no?"

"Yeah I know, the first time I listened to the lyrics I thought to myself, 'okay my parents are freaks.'"

Alex stares at him intently, interested.

"They said they didn't use the name because of what the kid did, but why Pearl Jam wanted to write the song. They said you could choose to end your own life and make that your way out, but ultimately the situation doesn't change. Or what you should do is to choose to prove yourself, be stronger than other people and then come back from a bad outcome."

Her eyebrow raises and she allows an isolated confirmatory nod. "Ironic, I know. Slightly twilight zonish."

She snickers, "s'still dark." She sips her water, it's so cold she can feel it go all the way down. "You know Harper's named after..."

"To Kill a Mockingbird," he finishes.

She tries to fight her smirk but she can't help it, "oh so you _can_ read?" Harper and Piper cut their eyes at her at the same time.

He feels his body tense, "it's a great book."

"So you've _read_ it?"

"Last year," he swallows, prepared to be given shit for his shortcomings, "yes."

"Alex!...," Piper warns.

"Do you like to read?," she asks softening her tone.

"Yeah I do, I just find it... found it...," he quickly corrects himself as Alex manually makes a sweeping motion with her hand, indicating shes fucking with him, "harder to read on demand and have someone else guide my analysis. It's easier for me to go at my own will but it doesn't really work that way does it? So I had to adapt."

"Agreed, though the group analysis could be helpful because maybe other people discover things that you had read over," she offers, "but I get it, it's hard to just read a certain amount of the book when someone wants you to."

"Exactly," he says thankful that she seems to understand.

"Well," she pushes back from the table, and starts gathering some dishes, "Jeremy, it was nice talking to you."

Harper looks up at her trying to read if shes means it genuinely or sarcastically.

"And... you're welcome over anytime," she completes. As she he leaves the room, his head collapses on the table.

"She likes you," Harper tells him and rubs his head.

He whimpers.

Piper chuckles, "do you guys want dessert? We have ice cream, cake?"

"The biggest piece of cake I'm allowed to have," he says.

"You got it," she says and walks into the kitchen to find Alex, "see he's not so bad."

"No, he's perfectly fine there's nothing wrong with him."

"Then?," she raises a hand toward her wife's body language, "why are you sulking?" She lifts the cover to the cake and walks over to the drawer to grab a knife.

"Is there something wrong with me?"

"Why're you asking me that?"

"You just seem to be okay with them going through all these things I feel like... like I'm dying Pipes."

"You aren't dying. It's hard for me too sometimes, but I expect this to be part of it. They're doing what they're supposed to do." She cuts two pieces, one sizably larger than the other and plates them.

"I just feel like it's too much sometimes, that they're growing and they don't need me anymore."

"That's isn't true," Piper tells her rubbing her hand over the brunette's in comfort. She hands her the knife to lick off the frosting like she usually does.

She takes it, frowning, "isn't it though?"

"You always feel like you need your parents. You know that."

"But you can survive without them." She licks the knife.

"Yes, well...if you have to, if you don't have a choice." She recovers the cake, and lifts the plates walking out of the kitchen, but pauses, "I think if you get good ones, you feel like your life is enhanced by having them by your side. Don't count your self out. You're still needed very much."

After the kids somewhat savagely consume their cake, Harper asks if the two of them can go out for a walk.

After a while, the brunette makes her way down the hall, and stops in the doorway of Jamie's empty room. When the front door closes, it gets her attention but she refocuses on the space in front of her. She looks around his room it's relatively neat for him, but feels eerily empty.

Piper places her hand on her back. "It's quiet," Alex drones.

"They stepped out."

"To do what?"

"Just out. She asked if they could go for a walk."

"They just spent all evening together."

"Yeah with us?"

Alex turns her attention back to his room. Piper brushes the dark hair away from her wife's face, "I told her to be back in an hour."

She nods slightly, "I'm not gonna like coming home and having his room be empty like this all the time."

"He's not leaving tomorrow," Piper reminds her.

"But soon enough he'll be gone, Harper will be out all the time, the house will be so quiet," the corner of her lip dips down, "I feel bad for making fun of Holly now."

"I'll let her know you empathize now."

In their bedroom Alex lay back on their bed, listening to the deafening quiet of their apartment. She feels odd at this prospect, that if the house is quiet, her kids are out. Out, doing well, and that's the point isnt it? For them to do better than you? To meet people that enhance their lives, to go on to experience things that you may not have had a chance to. You hope that you've instilled enough good that they can leave their mark on the world. And yet it hurts so much because all of those things are things that you love and you want to hold onto, tight against your chest, forever.

Piper notes the melancholy emanating from her wife, "he's gonna come back for breaks Al, and he's just a car ride away, if we need to go to him sooner. It's going to be alright."

She stares at the ceiling, "he's just one of the people I'm the most proud of in the world, and he's leaving."

"He's leaving, temporarily, to be on his own, to learn new things, to open his mind to concepts that he hasn't had a chance to yet. You know it's the best thing for him, you just have to remind yourself that it's all just temporary."

The brunette quietly lies on their bed, her crossed arms cover her eyes, she tries not to focus on her loss but on her son's gain.

"Al?," Piper mutters from across the room. "Hmm?"

She comes from within the closet wearing a skimpy nurses uniform, "you know there's advantages to having the kids be out of the house right?"

"Like what?," she says still supine.

"Al?," her voice deepens, the brunette picks up on the sultry drawl.

Her neck bends to lean up, but when she catches sight of her wife she comes up onto her elbows, and smirks, "suddenly I'm feeling incredibly sick, like I might lose consciousness. I might need mouth to mouth." Piper slinks across the room, crawls atop her and kisses her with erratic passion.

* * *

At school the following day he manages to avoid Lauren where they normally pass each other in the halls, until they're forced to be in the same room for the one class a day that they share. He chooses a different seat than he normally does and at lunch sits with a different group of friends.

After school she goes to the fields hoping to get a chance to talk to him before practice but he doesn't go. She exhausts her attempts to contact him via cell phone, so she makes her way to their apartment, hoping she can convince him to at least hear her out. When his doorbell rings he hears her voice on the intercom,

"Jamie, please," her voice pleads to be let up. After a few moments, he hits the "listen" button again to see if she's still there. She can hear the static from the box, "I'll wait down here for you. I'll wait until you let me up, or you have to come down. I have nowhere to go." Her voice sounds strained with desperation he thinks and as mad as he is, at the thought of making her cry, he presses, "door."

He stands in the open doorway.

When she gets up the elevator she walks up to him somewhat timidly, "Jamie...", she starts, but the sight of her, recreates that bubbling anger, and he interrupts,

"in case you haven't caught on, I don't want to talk to you. I don't care what you have to say I'm not interested please just...go."

"Jamie, please? I just... I just want talk to you."

That voice. "There's nothing to say."

"I have plenty to say," she clarifies.

"Let me rephrase, there's nothing to say that will make me feel as good as I did before I found out that you were interested in someone else, alright?" For that moment he doesn't care that his voice is raised or that he's causing the tears to accumulate in her eyes. "I truly don't care what you have to say."

He can tell she wants to grab him, she wants to feel his arms around her, truly wants to forget what she did, what she was going to do, and yet she stands solidly and keeps her hands to herself. "Jamie, please just give me a chance..."

He can't take the pleading, "didn't I deserve a chance yesterday? To be explained that you don't want to see me anymore before I go and find out that you are a date with some other guy?!"

"Yes," her head nods dramatically while she takes a section to compose her voice, "But I never wanted to stop seeing you. I messed up. I shouldn't have gone there." She takes a deep breath, "Jamie it's so hard."

"What is? Being with me?"

"No," she looks at him as though he's lost his mind, "the thought of having to say goodbye to you."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're going to go away to school, and I'm happy for you, but you're going to meet all sorts of new girls who are smart and funny and pretty and I'm going to be here." The jealousy bleeds through her words despite her attempt to keep her face indifferent. "It's just, the long distance thing? Its hard and it doesn't usually work."

He can't believe she quit before they even tried, "it works if both people want it to work. I don't know why you didn't even consider coming with me."

"I want to stay close to my dad. It's just him and I now, and I need someone to look after him. I want to be close by."

"Did you tell him that that's the motivation for you not applying to schools that are further away?"

"I don't need to give him my reasons why I want to stay," she says defensively, "I feel like it's the right thing for me to do. But that doesn't mean that I don't want you to be able to go where you want to go. You're always so excited when you talk about going away to school, I don't want to hold you back."

"You wouldn't be holding me back from anything, Lauren. If you told me that this is how you felt I could have reassured you that I would be willing to do anything to make sure we stayed together."

"Could have?"

"I don't fucking know how I feel right now," he snaps at the injustice of his colliding emotions.

She nods understanding the implications of her actions, she tries to hold it together her body shakes with the sobs she keeps inside, "I don't want to break up."

"Maybe you should've thought about that before you went on a date with some other guy."

She takes a long time to say "I thought that maybe if I went out," she cant complete the sentence, say "with another person" out loud, "...it might make it easier when you left."

"You make it sound like I'm leaving the planet and I'm never coming back. You could've come up to visit me. I could've come back home to visit you. We could've Skyped or talked on the phone, every day, like we do now."

Her red cheeks are wet at the emphasis of all the could've's, but he continues.

"But I don't know if I want to put that effort in with someone who couldn't have been bothered to talk to me about what they were feeling. I mean what the fuck, we've been together for five years! I would've never done this to you!"

"I know! And I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you, I was doing it just to see if I can make it hurt less for me. I know it was selfish, I don't...want to say goodbye."

Her hands brush her face clean, she wipes them on the thighs of her jeans but due to the repitition, they don't dry.

His hand stretches the fabric from his t-shirt and pulls up to wipe her face. He pulls her in close, she presses her face into his chest, relaxing some as his arms tighten around her body. Her body jerks with sobs, still upset but relieved at the contact.

"Try not to think of it as 'goodbye,' think of it as 'I'll see you later.'"

With a slight shrug of her shoulder, she nods into his chest. She looks up into his eyes, and tilts her chin up tentatively, unknowing. She wets her bottom lip with her tongue, he leans in and takes it between his own. They slowly make their way to relax in his room, and lay down on his bed as they've done after school for years. As she lays against the crook of his arm, he brushes his fingers through the length of her hair, drawing his fingertips from her shoulder, past her elbow, down to her wrist and back up again. His hand smoothly slips under the strap of her tank top, his palm completely covers her breast, he gently caresses it, eliciting a smile he's seen innumerably. She shuts her eyes, getting lost in the moment. She breathes deeply, memorizing the way his hand feels against her chest. He adjusts slowly, taking a position atop her, she removes his shirt over his head and places it on the bed beside them. As he leans down, pressing his chest against hers, her breathing quickens at the heat of his skin directly against her own. Perhaps it was the recent events that made them feel beholden toward one another, but they take their time, mouths exploring one another, as though they're each undiscovered territory. He's careful not to break their contact as he reaches over to the drawer of his nightstand. His hand wanders blindly, searching the full cardboard box. He withdraws his hand and rips the foil.

* * *

The evening before he leaves for school, Nicky comes over to wish him off. She hands him a book "College Survival Guide for Freshmen Year."

"Thanks aunt Nicky," he says flipping through it.

"I put some post-it notes in there," she tells him.

He nods, pausing to read one of her tips and starts to laugh, "does this mean I have your approval to drink again?," he asks pulling off the post-it that advises him to lay down a blanket to absorb the sound of a fallen ping pong ball.

"It's not so much approval, as it is encouragement to do stupid things in the smartest way possible." She stares at him for a moment and gets lost in his face, "I'm not saying 'where did the time go' or 'it feels like yesterday when blah blah blah,' because these last eighteen years have been long, trying to make sure your ear didn't fall off, or you didnt fall into a hole or somethin, but..." she turns to Alex, "remember when we used to clean that butt?"

"Oh," he whines with slight disgust.

Alex smiles, her eyes have been perpetually glassy for days, she nods.

"And now it's going to college."

His ma's smirk pulls across his face, its prideful and all knowing, as though there was never a doubt in his mind, that this would be his path.

"You be good okay? I know you wont mess up, ..." at the start of her words, she watches her best friend stand up, and raise a hand to excuse herself from the room.

Nicky looks back at him, and waves away the emotional brunette who disappeared toward the back of the apartment. "I know you worked really hard to get here, but your moms did too. You let them know if you need some help okay? Or me. Don't know how much help I'll be, but im here."

"I know aunt nicky."

A puff of air escapes from her mouth, in awe, "another College."

"You talkin smack about me?," Piper asks entering their living room from the back of the apartment.

"Not at all. Just telling College the Second here that I might need to start calling you Pipes. Less confusing."

"Ahh, I see. What is that?," she asks pointing to book confused, "I thought we packed all your books. I cant! This is never ending!"

He hands it over to her, "uh, I just got this, relax. I'll just put it in my backpack."

She reads the cover, "you gave this to him?" she asks Nicky with raised brow. "Why? So he can _study for college?_ "

Nicky tongues the inside of her bottom lip, "yeah something like that."

"What's wrong with my book?," he asks his mother.

"Nothing sweetie."

"I gave your mom some shit when she first got to prison. We shared a room for a couple of days, I asked her what she did to get herself there and she told me that she read somewhere that you weren't supposed to ask people that. She freaking studied for prison," she chuckles while covering her eyes.

"What's wrong with that?," he asks.

She sighs with a wide smile, "nothing...I guess. she did alright. Better than alright, got out before I did."

Nicky eyeballs Piper, as she strokes her chin with slight shame.

"Your mom's of rare form, you don't see a lot of people with a collegiate background behind bars. You know, the kind of people who know everything, well... from a scholarly standpoint. Let's be honest here...," she says while swerving to miss Piper's shove, "which is reason number 87 as to why you're going, and you're gonna kick ass and keep your booty out of there, yeah?"

"Yeah. I'll make sure I put the blanket on the floor, stuff like that."

"That's right."

"Blanket on the floor?," Piper asks confused.

"Don't worry about it," Nicky brushes it off and drapes her arm around Jamie's waist. He leans down some to give her a proper hug and reassures her that he'll stay out of trouble.

* * *

They wake up before the sun comes up and pack Polly's borrowed SUV with all of his stuff. After a four hour drive, they check in on the first floor of his dorm, get his key, and head upstairs to check out his room. Every floor is filled with freshmen and their families, cleaning, lifting, organizing, introducing themselves, putting their insecure, friendliest feet forward. By the time they make it to his room, he's met five kids that live on his floor. His moms and sister each hold an armful of his belongings, while he sets his down and looks for his dorm key. They shuffle into his room and set down his things, when Piper's eyes go wide at the walls comprised of cinderblock. Her breath catches in her throat, her stomach feels hollow, her hand comes up to her stomach, her fingers claw at the fabric trying to placate the visceral nausea the image produces.

"Mom?," he asks.

"Yeah?," she whispers in a daze.

"Pipes?," Alex says louder.

"Yeah," she repeats at the same dull whisper. A hand finds the small of her back, and rouses her slightly. "Yes?," she focuses her wandering eyes on those of her wife, needing her to get her out of the room. Alex sees the panic in the blue eyes that plead, she eases Piper into a seated position on whats to be their son's extra long, standard, college issued mattress. She keeps a hand on Piper's thigh, and leans over to find their car keys. She tosses them to Harper,

"go rip open the pack of water and grab her bottle." Harper looks worriedly at Piper, who looks moments away from a full blown attack, "go!," the brunette urges.

The pace of Piper's breathing quickens, Alex places her hands on either side of the blonde's face, "Pipes? You're okay. Slow down."

But she cant, her head shakes back and forth, her quickened respirations continue. The brunette pinches her nose and mouth, "hold your breath, just for a second."

Piper's eyes go wide, as her air supply is cut off.

"Good, just look at me, everything else is background." She lets go, and breathes with Piper. Harper runs back in, opens the bottle and hands it to Alex. Once Piper's breathing becomes more regular she passes her the bottle.

She takes a sip and gulps it hard. She looks at her family, who all stare at her alarmed, "shit. I'm sorry."

"What the hell was that?," Jamie asks her, when it seemed as though her actions came out of nowhere.

She takes another sip of water, as Alex pushes off his bed and grips the nape of her neck, her elbow goes slack.

Piper chuckles to herself at the situation, she waves her hand behind her, "the walls," she bites her knuckle, "and the beds across from each other," she erupts in full blown hysterical laughter, "it reminds me of my prison cell."

Alex pushes her glasses ontop of her head and rubs her eyes, fighting the urge not to cry from being overwhelmed by what this day represents and now her wife's near nervous breakdown.

Jamie collapses on his roomates mattress and looks around and starts to laugh.

"We're paying seven thousand dollars a semester for a prison cell," her laughter continues. Harper still looks at her concerned, unsure how a person could go from strong, to requiring a padded room, to uproarious laughter, in a matter of five minutes.

Alex shuts his door, to which her son thanks her for her aide in his avoidance of being coined the floor weirdo.

Piper notices her daughter's discomfort, "hey," she says to grab her attention, "I'm good," she tells her reassuringly. "I think between talking to Nicky last night and then just seeing this wall, I just got a little overwhelmed."

"Can we get my stuff up here so it looks a little less like your prison cell? I have to sleep in here tonight."

Piper nods and stands up, and they all walk out of his room. She pulls back on Alex's arm, letting their kids walk up ahead of them, "thanks, she says finally acknowledging that Alex brought her back to the ground."

She brushes it off as though theres no need for thanks, "i havent exactly dealt well with the emotional chaos lately either. The table was due to turn."

Piper glances at her, "we're gonna be okay right? By the end of the day today, I'm gonna be able to drive home, without an asylum pitstop, yeah?"

Alex smirks, "yeah, were gonna have to. I don't have time to visit you in a straight jacket."

Piper leans her head on her shoulder, "I'm glad I have you."

She sighs and hooks a finger in Piper's pocket, "I'm glad we have each other kid," she says as they step outside, Harper and Jamie are leaning on Polly's car, waiting for one of them to unlock the door. They start what will be many trips back and forth until the car is empty and his room is full off mismatched bags and boxes. They maneuver around his roommate and his family, getting to know each other pretty well, as all 7 are cramped in the small space, both with entirely way too many things. Alex cleans while Piper helps him organize, Harper figures out locations to hang some of his posters and lights around the room to make it feel more like his space. After a full day, they follow him down the hill to his dining hall for a dinner that isn't half bad, picking slowly through it, to prolong the inevitable. The reality of a four hour drive back home, is what finally gets them to return the dining hall trays and start heading up to the parking lot.

"So you're gonna head up and get settled?," Alex asks him, she'd ask him anything to not have to get into the car just yet.

"Yeah for a bit, and then I gotta go down to soccer house, all the freshmen do. S'tradition."

"They're gonna haze you?," she turns to Piper, "they're gonna haze our son."

"They're not gonna haze me! Just give us a hard time, it's nothing dangerous, can you please not worry?"

"No, no I can't not worry. Unless youre home, I'm going to worry."

"You'll learn to not worry."

She rolls her eyes, as he has no idea, "can you at least call tonight when you get back from your non-dangerous hazing?"

"Yeah ma. Can you guys call me when you get home?"

"Mmm," Alex grunts.

"Yes baby, we'll call," Piper tells him and scoops him into a tight hug and holds on for a while. "Go out, okay?," she recedes and looks at him properly. "Anything that comes your way, you grab it. Stick to things that make you happy, but don't give up on the things that you find challenging."

"Okay mom."

"And please be careful and kind. And make sure you eat healthy, and go don't go to bed too late."

"Yeah mom, and I'll floss nightly and say my prayers, can you guys please trust that I'll be alright?"

She kisses his forehead and squeezes his shoulders, "love you."

"Can you make sure they actually call me when you guys make it home?," he asks Harper.

"Yeah I will, they'll forget."

"I know," he says, "and make sure they don't leave the keys in the door."

"Yep."

"Hey were not incompetent, just sometimes forgetful," Piper defends from behind the wheel.

Harper smiles at him, "I'm gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you too. You can come up on a weekend, just let me know when and I'll make sure there's good stuff going on."

"Yeah if they let me."

"They'll let you, well figure it out."

She nods, not quite ready to say goodbye, but tries to not let it show for the sake of their mothers. She hugs him quick, as he tells her, "take care of them."

"I will," and climbs in behind the passenger seat.

Alex keeps her eyes up, he sees them start to get glassy and gives her a hug, "ma, I swear ill be fine."

Her arms encase his head, she presses her chin into his hair, her tears finally fall. She hides her face amidst his hair.

His sounds are muffled from being suffocated, "and I'll see you in a little over a month okay? If you guys don't forget about family weekend."

"It's on all the calendars," she says, not lifting her head.

"Ma, I cant breathe."

"I don't care. You call everyday okay? Whether it's on the way to class or at night to recap your day."

"I'll try."

"Everyday!," she squeezes him harder.

"Uhhh," he releases, now actually semi-suffocated, "okay, everyday!" She lets him go, and squeezes his face in her hand. "I'm gonna tell Finn to make sure aunt Polly gives you so much crap about this."

"Go ahead, I'm a fuckin mess."

"Yes you are," he confirms. "You should probably go now...," his eyes are sad, "you know, before it gets any later."

She nods, "I love you."

He bites his lip and nods back.

She draws in her gasp, and anchors her foot into the pavement, as if shes about to have a tantrum, "you have to say it back!"

He tries to swallow the lump in his throat and waves to Piper, who's behind the wheel and Harper who's rolling down the window, exclaiming that they'll see him in a few weeks.

He hugs his ma one last time, and tells her "I love you too." He pushes her backward, making her sit in the passenger seat. He waits for her to plant her feet inside, before he shuts her door waves goodbye.

The End

* * *

A/N: so there it is for whoever's reading. Loved reposting. Ill be working on getting the Lost Chapters soon. There's only 8 or 9, but it's something!


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